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Whoa!
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00:00:05,613 --> 00:00:09,113
♪ The Simpsons 24x22 ♪
Dangers on a Train
Original Air Date on May 19, 2013
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00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:14,119
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:16,315
Hmm?
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00:00:17,801 --> 00:00:20,636
Our first anniversary.
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00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,939
And we're more
in love than ever.
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00:00:22,973 --> 00:00:26,008
In your face, people who said
it wouldn't last a year!
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00:00:26,043 --> 00:00:28,327
I stand by my wedding toast.
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00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,947
Let's just enjoy our
happiness, Homie.
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00:00:30,981 --> 00:00:32,949
Accidental motherhood
is the greatest thing
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00:00:32,983 --> 00:00:34,650
that can happen
to a woman.
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00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:38,171
And I think Bart's finally
outgrown his misbehavior.
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Oops, better clean that off.
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You have a great day, ma'am.
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Wish I could get a little
of that attention.
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D'oh!
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00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,696
Hey, Simpsons.
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Don't mean to be a pesto,
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00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,049
but I'll be happy to watch
your scampi shrimp.
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00:01:07,084 --> 00:01:09,051
Aw, thanks, Flanders.
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Got to warn you,
he doesn't talk much.
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Daddy.
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He's not your daddy.
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Nice daddy.
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Moustache daddy.
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Good daddy no yell.
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Fat daddy smell like beer.
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I'll teach you to speak
in complete sentences.
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00:01:24,868 --> 00:01:28,337
But first, m'lady,
let me escort you to Heaven.
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The fancy Swiss chocolate
store on level three.
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Oh...
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Oh, Homer, you're
the anchor store of my heart.
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Just call me Borders Books,
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'cause I'll always be here.
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Haw haw!
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His first word.
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00:02:11,414 --> 00:02:15,268
Oh, Homie, what a
wonderful anniversary.
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Yep, we've got something
money can't buy.
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Love on a train.
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And I promise
each anniversary
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will be better and better.
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Oh.
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They have to get off
and get back on.
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Sometimes you have to
say to hell with rules.
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But somehow our anniversaries
didn't get better
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than that first one
on the train.
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Wait, you named me
after a train?
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Yeah, just like
we did with Bart.
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Anyway, this year,
I'm gonna re-create
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00:02:47,884 --> 00:02:50,002
our magical first
anniversary,
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ending with a romantic ride
on that...
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Why are you taking
away the train?
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I'm afraid
no one rides it anymore
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So we're replacing it
with something that makes money
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and sends people
to the food court.
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Step right up.
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Medical marijuana.
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You got nausea, my friend?
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Everyone's got nausea.
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00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,492
And what is your malady, my son?
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Uh, I had one,
but I forgot it.
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Memory loss!
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Could be a brain tumor.
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Take this
and go see Fantasia.
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Kids, I've only had
three great ideas--
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marrying your mother,
using a hot dog as a straw
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and this romantic
train ride anniversary.
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Sir, I need this train.
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Eh, take it home.
It's yours.
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Are you sure Mom
is really gonna want
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a rusted-out kiddie train?
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She won't see it like this.
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I'll make this train
look as beautiful
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as it did
when this mall was young.
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Aw, Dad, I just got
a little twinge in my heart.
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Try this.
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You stay away
from my kids
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unless you're driving
them to school!
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So, I'm not babysitting
tomorrow night?
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Oh, we're still on
for tomorrow night.
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Dad, do we have
to ride like this?
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Hey, what could be cooler than a
choo-choo with lollipops on it?
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Hey, babies-- where you
going in your baby train?
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Babytown?
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Shake it off, kids--
they're just jealous.
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00:04:14,905 --> 00:04:17,189
Hey, lardo, where you
going in your lardo car?
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Lardville?
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There's no such place!
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Okay.
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I've entered my billing address,
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expiration date... and charged.
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We're back
from "Baby Beethovens."
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That's Mozart, dummy.
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00:04:37,327 --> 00:04:38,961
Well, thanks
for watching Maggie.
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I just ordered Homer's
anniversary gift.
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Must be tough.
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Yeah, what size cuff links
do you get an elephant?
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Well, in the first place,
the elephant's cuff links
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would be the same size.
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00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,624
It's the cuffs
that would be bigger.
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As for Homer,
I'm getting him a case
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of his favorite snack cakes,
Dolly Madison.
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Marge, this isn't
Dolly Madison.
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It's Sassy Madison.
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00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:03,886
Trust me, Homer doesn't care
where the cupcakes come from.
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00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,823
Sassy Madison is a dating site
for married people
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00:05:07,858 --> 00:05:10,593
who are tired
of the same old dessert.
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00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:17,416
Check out
their webvertisement.
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00:05:20,203 --> 00:05:23,589
♪ Kelly was at
the end of her wits ♪
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00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:27,510
♪ Her husband
was truly the pits ♪
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♪ Her relationship spousal
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♪ Had zero arousal
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♪ Then she watched
this commercial ♪
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♪ And found herself Herschel
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♪ Thanks to Sassy Madison.com.
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Sassy Madison.com.
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It's not cheating if you
don't know the person well.
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I just put all my personal
information on their Web site.
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So now you're gonna get hit on
by every loser in town.
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00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:55,988
And this town's got losers like
Mexico has headless corpses.
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So many unhappy men.
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How sad.
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You've got a lot of fish
wriggling in that net.
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Maybe I should get married
so I can date these guys.
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00:06:06,416 --> 00:06:08,451
Selma, cheating is a sin.
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00:06:08,485 --> 00:06:11,787
As much a sin as not replying
to an instant message.
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So, if you'll excuse me,
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I've got a lot of sleazy
gentlemen to let down gently.
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Are you watching
the commercial again?
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I'm a fan of animation.
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Oh, Lord,
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may thy couplings
stay forever locked,
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and may thy dead man switch
never be used.
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Amen.
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All right, guys,
let's get this train
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fixed up for
Homer's anniversary.
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But first,
start your power tools.
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One more to go, and I'm done.
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"Dear Horny in Haverbrook:
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00:06:49,593 --> 00:06:51,343
"Sorry. I'm not interested
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00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:53,312
"in cheating
on my wonderful husband,
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"who is described
in the attached PDF.
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"Say hello to my trash folder.
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Marge Simpson."
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00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,738
Hi, Homie!
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00:07:02,772 --> 00:07:05,241
A crazy thing happened
when I was ordering
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your anniversary gift.
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Don't blow the surprise.
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00:07:08,478 --> 00:07:09,745
Pretend you forgot.
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00:07:09,779 --> 00:07:11,213
Uh, anniversary?
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00:07:11,248 --> 00:07:12,214
That coming up?
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00:07:12,249 --> 00:07:14,116
Yes, and it's a big one.
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00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:15,551
Remember?
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00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:18,420
Marge, I am focused
on this like a laser.
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"Laser."
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That's a funny word.
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00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:23,175
It's just "loser" with an "A."
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00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,861
And speaking of losers,
I lost my train of thought.
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00:07:25,896 --> 00:07:28,764
Oh, and speaking of trains,
wait till you see...
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00:07:29,799 --> 00:07:31,734
The surprise is safe.
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The expression on her face
will be priceless.
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00:07:34,804 --> 00:07:38,040
He forgot
our anniversary again?
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00:07:38,074 --> 00:07:41,810
He remembers the exact number
of pork chops in the freezer.
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Currently-- zero.
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One of those cyber smoochers
wrote me back.
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Thanks for your note.
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You seem way too nice
for this site.
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00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:53,639
Why are you here?
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00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:54,907
Good question.
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00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,960
"I thought I was buying
snack cakes."
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That's so cute.
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Really, really cute.
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You... you are over 18, right?
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00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,967
"I am, and you seem
more interested
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in my day than my husband."
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00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,455
I know what it's like
not to be listened to.
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00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,490
Please ignore every
sensible instinct you have
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00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:13,125
and continue this conversation.
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00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,161
And by the way,
this is my real voice.
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Don't worry, Moe.
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When Marge is asleep,
I'll sneak back.
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Oh, good, the
strippers are here.
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Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!
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That is all coming off.
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"Tell me more."
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00:08:37,539 --> 00:08:39,457
Homie, I bet
you're wondering
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00:08:39,491 --> 00:08:42,994
why I stayed on the
computer until 4:00 a.m.
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00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:45,129
Hey, those Yelp reviews
don't write themselves.
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Did you know a well-placed
one star can destroy
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00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:49,834
a mom-and-pop hardware
in nothing flat?
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00:08:49,868 --> 00:08:52,870
Listen, I want us
to be honest with each other.
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Uh-oh. If you're honest,
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you'll have to tell her
about the train.
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00:08:56,408 --> 00:08:57,809
Huh? What train?
195
00:08:57,843 --> 00:08:59,610
How stupid are you?
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00:08:59,645 --> 00:09:01,679
Hey, thinking
is your department, jerk.
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00:09:01,713 --> 00:09:03,681
That's what I pay you
in beer for.
198
00:09:03,715 --> 00:09:05,516
Just for that,
I'm not gonna help you.
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00:09:05,551 --> 00:09:07,852
What? Where are you going,
you...?
200
00:09:07,886 --> 00:09:08,886
Oh!
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00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:10,154
Um, Marge, I have to go.
202
00:09:10,189 --> 00:09:12,557
What? Now? Why?
203
00:09:22,417 --> 00:09:23,885
He's writing me again.
204
00:09:23,919 --> 00:09:26,404
Better put a stop to this.
205
00:09:27,623 --> 00:09:29,924
Is that him getting the text?
206
00:09:32,594 --> 00:09:33,928
He's in the market.
207
00:09:33,962 --> 00:09:36,931
We might have squeezed
the same tomatoes.
208
00:09:36,965 --> 00:09:38,349
Are you Marge?
209
00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:40,751
Ooh, I'm going to hell.
210
00:09:40,786 --> 00:09:42,753
I'm sorry. I didn't even
know you were here.
211
00:09:42,788 --> 00:09:45,189
What a crazy coincidence
that you buy food, too.
212
00:09:45,224 --> 00:09:48,159
Gee, I thought you'd be
some kind of creep.
213
00:09:48,193 --> 00:09:51,212
But you're actually a
perfectly normal-looking...
214
00:09:51,246 --> 00:09:52,680
Whoa!
215
00:09:52,714 --> 00:09:53,948
"A" is for "apple," right?
216
00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,217
Okay.
217
00:09:56,251 --> 00:09:57,218
I'll-I'll just be going.
218
00:09:57,236 --> 00:09:58,419
Wait, wait, wait!
219
00:09:58,453 --> 00:10:00,104
Let me get the stain out.
220
00:10:00,138 --> 00:10:01,539
But not here.
221
00:10:02,808 --> 00:10:05,943
I know a place where no one
in town will see us.
222
00:10:10,115 --> 00:10:11,516
There you go.
223
00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:12,750
Good as new.
224
00:10:12,784 --> 00:10:14,585
Now, let me at least
buy you a coffee,
225
00:10:14,620 --> 00:10:17,038
or dare I say a Danish?
226
00:10:17,072 --> 00:10:18,189
No Danishes!
227
00:10:18,223 --> 00:10:20,591
Sorry. I go to pastry
way too fast.
228
00:10:20,626 --> 00:10:22,193
I want to be very clear.
229
00:10:22,227 --> 00:10:23,928
I'm a happily married woman.
230
00:10:23,962 --> 00:10:25,630
Going on ten years.
231
00:10:25,664 --> 00:10:27,798
The aluminum anniversary.
232
00:10:27,849 --> 00:10:31,802
Nothing turns leftovers
into swans like aluminum.
233
00:10:31,837 --> 00:10:34,272
What the heck am I saying?
234
00:10:34,306 --> 00:10:37,642
Homer's probably at that bar
right now, getting hammered.
235
00:10:38,810 --> 00:10:40,311
All worth it for Marge.
236
00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:41,979
Marge, you are
terrific.
237
00:10:42,014 --> 00:10:45,917
I am so glad I reset my distance
filter from 15 to 25 miles.
238
00:10:45,951 --> 00:10:46,731
Mmm...
239
00:10:46,756 --> 00:10:49,255
Your Homer is
the luckiest man on earth.
240
00:10:49,504 --> 00:10:51,472
Well, he keeps falling
down a cliff and living,
241
00:10:51,506 --> 00:10:53,307
so I guess that's true.
242
00:10:53,342 --> 00:10:56,077
The only time my wife and I talk
is when I apologize.
243
00:10:56,111 --> 00:10:58,412
"Life's an infernal muddle,"
244
00:10:58,447 --> 00:11:00,948
as Mr. Drake says
on Upton Rectory.
245
00:11:00,983 --> 00:11:04,085
Ooh, I love that show.
246
00:11:04,119 --> 00:11:05,186
Isn't it great?
247
00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,021
Finally, a reason
to watch TV on Sundays.
248
00:11:07,055 --> 00:11:09,257
Such great characters,
249
00:11:09,291 --> 00:11:11,926
like Buxton,
the scheming larder-keep.
250
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,930
Why can't Lady Cavendish see
he's pilfering the aspic?
251
00:11:17,332 --> 00:11:19,083
Uh, does...
does Homer watch?
252
00:11:19,117 --> 00:11:22,153
He says shows set during
World War I are too sad.
253
00:11:22,187 --> 00:11:24,922
Particularly how everyone's
always climbing stairs.
254
00:11:24,957 --> 00:11:27,959
You are watching the season
finale this week, right?
255
00:11:27,993 --> 00:11:30,027
Yeah. Alone, I'm sure.
256
00:11:30,062 --> 00:11:31,662
Well, we could, uh...
257
00:11:31,697 --> 00:11:33,047
live blog it.
258
00:11:33,081 --> 00:11:35,316
Save that sugar
for your coffee, bub.
259
00:11:38,537 --> 00:11:41,322
♪ I've been working
on the railroad... ♪
260
00:11:41,356 --> 00:11:42,840
Why are you singing that?
261
00:11:42,874 --> 00:11:44,508
Because it's in
the public domain.
262
00:11:44,543 --> 00:11:46,444
Hello!
263
00:11:46,478 --> 00:11:48,996
It's Moe from Moe's Tavern.
264
00:11:49,031 --> 00:11:51,032
Oh, uh, I'd better
take this.
265
00:11:51,066 --> 00:11:53,234
You see, Moe's been
depressed and needs
266
00:11:53,268 --> 00:11:55,970
to hear a friendly voice.
267
00:11:56,004 --> 00:11:59,206
Why the hell are you calling me
at home, you moron?!
268
00:11:59,241 --> 00:12:02,476
Lovejoy went to get a hamburger,
and the whole thing fell apart!
269
00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:04,145
I'm getting cooked
like a cabbage.
270
00:12:04,179 --> 00:12:05,746
Then keep quiet like a cabbage!
271
00:12:05,781 --> 00:12:07,782
All right, all right,
I'll be right there.
272
00:12:21,730 --> 00:12:24,899
Is it me, or did this house
just get classy?
273
00:12:28,970 --> 00:12:31,038
Mom, Lisa made me break a lamp.
274
00:12:31,073 --> 00:12:34,992
Mom, Bart's twisting facts
in an Orwellian fashion.
275
00:12:35,027 --> 00:12:36,994
Can I have one hour
of grown-up time
276
00:12:37,029 --> 00:12:39,130
where you two aren't
tattling on each other
277
00:12:39,164 --> 00:12:41,165
or using obscure
references?
278
00:12:41,199 --> 00:12:42,733
Orwell, obscure?
279
00:12:42,768 --> 00:12:44,201
The author of Animal Farm?
280
00:12:44,252 --> 00:12:46,053
Grampa says
he was a Commie.
281
00:12:46,088 --> 00:12:47,371
No tattling!
282
00:12:55,247 --> 00:12:58,215
Upton Rectory is made possible
by a sizeable endowment
283
00:12:58,250 --> 00:12:59,950
from Hooters Restaurants,
284
00:12:59,985 --> 00:13:02,953
and a generous grant from a man
named Generous Grant.
285
00:13:07,959 --> 00:13:10,294
Are you watching it?
286
00:13:10,328 --> 00:13:11,462
No, I can't.
287
00:13:11,496 --> 00:13:13,364
My wife's watching
a reality show
288
00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:15,599
about a man
who repossesses zoo animals.
289
00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:17,284
Come on, Taser
that flamingo!
290
00:13:18,987 --> 00:13:21,622
Can't believe I'm missing
the finale.
291
00:13:21,656 --> 00:13:24,291
Hmm... Maybe I can help.
292
00:13:24,326 --> 00:13:26,160
Bless it all,
Polly, I love you!
293
00:13:26,194 --> 00:13:27,561
And we shall be wed
294
00:13:27,596 --> 00:13:30,464
by Boxing Day Eve,
aka Christmas.
295
00:13:30,499 --> 00:13:33,000
But Lord Upton has forbidden it,
on the grounds
296
00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:34,835
that he once saw me exchange
pleasantries
297
00:13:34,870 --> 00:13:36,837
with the Egyptian riding master.
298
00:13:36,872 --> 00:13:38,906
Can you follow everything okay?
299
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:41,675
I guess sometimes
you just don't end up
300
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:44,011
with the person
you're supposed to.
301
00:13:44,045 --> 00:13:46,313
Marge, can I use your free
Amazon shipping?
302
00:13:46,348 --> 00:13:47,815
Not a good time!
303
00:13:47,849 --> 00:13:49,283
I know your password!
304
00:13:49,317 --> 00:13:52,970
Drake, Polly,
perhaps I was too hasty.
305
00:13:54,639 --> 00:13:56,340
Love should flower,
306
00:13:56,374 --> 00:13:59,977
even an ill-advised alliance
between a coarse Irish maid
307
00:14:00,011 --> 00:14:03,247
and a man who once served me
soup from the wrong side.
308
00:14:03,281 --> 00:14:06,350
He hasn't been the same
since the war, Lord Upton.
309
00:14:06,384 --> 00:14:07,818
Hush, Polly.
310
00:14:07,853 --> 00:14:10,271
Who you marry is none
of your concern.
311
00:14:10,305 --> 00:14:12,857
I have something to say.
312
00:14:12,891 --> 00:14:15,326
The dowager grandmum!
313
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,711
I'm afraid you
cannot marry...
314
00:14:17,746 --> 00:14:20,114
without a proper ring.
315
00:14:20,148 --> 00:14:23,534
Take mine--
the Star of Bombay.
316
00:14:23,568 --> 00:14:25,302
Once again, India is denuded
317
00:14:25,337 --> 00:14:28,105
of her treasure
by the imperialist devils.
318
00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:29,607
Why do we watch
this show?
319
00:14:29,641 --> 00:14:31,208
Because I like
the costumes!
320
00:14:36,848 --> 00:14:38,482
I've never felt
so flushed
321
00:14:38,517 --> 00:14:40,284
after watching
public television.
322
00:14:40,318 --> 00:14:42,953
Maybe sometime we could...
watch it in the same room.
323
00:14:42,988 --> 00:14:43,988
Chat room?
324
00:14:44,022 --> 00:14:44,989
Room room.
325
00:14:45,023 --> 00:14:46,690
Show's over!
326
00:14:46,725 --> 00:14:48,859
That turned
ultra-steamy in a jiff.
327
00:14:48,894 --> 00:14:50,661
I can still hear you.
328
00:14:51,930 --> 00:14:54,098
I can still hear you.
329
00:15:00,591 --> 00:15:02,743
Happy anniversary, Mom!
Happy anniversary, Mom!
330
00:15:03,594 --> 00:15:05,028
Our gift is us!
331
00:15:05,063 --> 00:15:07,898
Three kids with no money,
but plenty of love!
332
00:15:07,932 --> 00:15:10,834
That's great.
333
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,570
I wonder what surprise
your father has in store.
334
00:15:17,108 --> 00:15:18,942
Boy, oh, boy!
335
00:15:18,976 --> 00:15:22,012
Oh, Marge,
I threw my back out!
336
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:25,365
Can you please refill this
prescription right away?
337
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,534
Where's it from?
338
00:15:27,568 --> 00:15:30,404
It's in Drugtown...
not the nice part.
339
00:15:30,438 --> 00:15:33,774
That'll take hours!
On our anniversary!
340
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,910
And what better way to
spend it than commemorating
341
00:15:36,944 --> 00:15:40,280
the glorious words you
spoke ten years ago:
342
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,548
"for worse." Oh!
343
00:15:41,582 --> 00:15:43,049
Oh!
Ow!
344
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,585
Ooh!
345
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,992
Hmm.
346
00:15:53,511 --> 00:15:54,611
It's working.
347
00:15:56,364 --> 00:15:59,316
She's gone. All right, everyone,
magically appear.
348
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:08,225
Wow, Moe, great
shrub costume.
349
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:11,161
Yeah. I sell 'em on the Internet
for like-minded people.
350
00:16:11,195 --> 00:16:13,163
Now, let's lay some track.
351
00:16:13,197 --> 00:16:15,065
You guys are the best.
352
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,666
I just want you to know
353
00:16:16,701 --> 00:16:19,002
when I'm holding Marge
in my arms tonight,
354
00:16:19,036 --> 00:16:21,438
I'll be thinking of all of you.
355
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:27,928
When does it get better?
356
00:16:27,962 --> 00:16:29,679
When he's 800 pounds
and has to be
357
00:16:29,714 --> 00:16:32,832
cut out of the house
to go to a movie?
358
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:36,269
I lost my cleaning stick
in my belly fat.
359
00:16:36,304 --> 00:16:37,637
But I found a kitten.
360
00:16:38,973 --> 00:16:41,141
That is so sweet.
361
00:16:41,175 --> 00:16:43,026
There I go again, settling.
362
00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:45,362
Marge, run off with me.
Bring your kid.
363
00:16:45,396 --> 00:16:47,180
I have three kids.
364
00:16:47,198 --> 00:16:49,933
Whoa, you really went all in
with this guy, didn't you?
365
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,785
Get out of my head.
366
00:16:51,819 --> 00:16:53,820
I guess this
is good-bye, then.
367
00:16:57,375 --> 00:16:59,826
♪ Someday
368
00:16:59,860 --> 00:17:03,663
♪ When I'm awfully low
369
00:17:03,697 --> 00:17:05,866
♪ When the world is cold...
370
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,734
I said no!
371
00:17:07,768 --> 00:17:09,202
Fine. Sorry.
372
00:17:11,205 --> 00:17:15,475
♪ Just thinking of you, Marge
373
00:17:15,510 --> 00:17:19,179
♪ And the way
you look tonight. ♪
374
00:17:19,213 --> 00:17:22,182
The Nelson Riddle Orchestra!
375
00:17:22,216 --> 00:17:23,850
Leave me alone!
376
00:17:23,884 --> 00:17:25,235
Fine.
377
00:17:25,269 --> 00:17:28,088
Sorry, guys,
you're dead again.
378
00:17:31,626 --> 00:17:35,195
I'm gonna do what I've done
at every key point of my life:
379
00:17:35,229 --> 00:17:36,913
suck it in and smile.
380
00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:42,018
There goes a woman
who's unhappy with her partner.
381
00:17:42,053 --> 00:17:43,870
Yeah, I know
how she feels.
382
00:17:43,904 --> 00:17:45,238
Yeah. What was that?
383
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,249
What the...?
384
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,385
Happy anniversary!
385
00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:02,689
Oh, my God.
Our train.
386
00:18:02,723 --> 00:18:04,691
Homie, you do care.
387
00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:06,359
You care a lot.
388
00:18:06,394 --> 00:18:09,262
What a wonderful anniversary.
389
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,631
Do you think
we'll last 25 years?
390
00:18:11,666 --> 00:18:12,966
Nothing should.
391
00:18:15,403 --> 00:18:17,971
Trains...
they can fix every marriage.
392
00:18:20,575 --> 00:18:22,042
What the...?
393
00:18:22,076 --> 00:18:25,312
Ugh. Happy moment derailed
by the Bipolar Express.
394
00:18:25,346 --> 00:18:27,731
None of you heard that.
395
00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:29,900
Happy anniversary!
396
00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,118
Where is she?
397
00:18:32,136 --> 00:18:34,220
Where the hell
is Marge Simpson?
398
00:18:34,255 --> 00:18:35,639
Ramona, please!
When you asked me
399
00:18:35,673 --> 00:18:37,223
who she was and
where she lived,
400
00:18:37,258 --> 00:18:39,276
I never dreamed you'd
go confront her!
401
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,478
Mmm, I'm Marge Simpson.
402
00:18:41,512 --> 00:18:43,980
So... you're
the kind of man-eater
403
00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:46,416
Hall and Oates
warned us all about.
404
00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:48,418
Hall and Oates?
What's going on here?
405
00:18:48,452 --> 00:18:50,353
Your wife and my husband
406
00:18:50,388 --> 00:18:52,689
have been watching
British TV together!
407
00:18:52,723 --> 00:18:54,624
Costume drama
or naughty comedy?
408
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,309
Drama! Drama!
409
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:59,763
You just dodged a bullet,
Mr. Sugarpants.
410
00:18:59,797 --> 00:19:02,332
Ben, Ramona,
I want to tell you something
411
00:19:02,366 --> 00:19:04,701
I've learned over
ten years of marriage.
412
00:19:04,735 --> 00:19:08,104
The secret is: no secrets,
413
00:19:08,139 --> 00:19:10,507
except good secrets
like this train.
414
00:19:12,076 --> 00:19:13,710
My only secrets are:
415
00:19:13,744 --> 00:19:17,147
My marathon time isn't 4:26;
it's never,
416
00:19:17,181 --> 00:19:18,682
I often go online to see
417
00:19:18,716 --> 00:19:20,784
how Lindsay Wagner's
looking now-- fabulous--
418
00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:23,019
and I once pushed a kid
off a swing
419
00:19:23,054 --> 00:19:24,888
and he broke his wrist
or something.
420
00:19:24,922 --> 00:19:28,675
But it's no secret
how much I love my Margie.
421
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,177
Mmm...
Mmm...
422
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:34,247
Look at them, coochie-cooing
like that time
423
00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:36,750
our connecting flight
was delayed and we got drunk
424
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,685
and friendly
in the Admiral's Club.
425
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:41,338
That was you? I mean,
it-it was wonderful.
426
00:19:41,372 --> 00:19:43,239
And you're fighting for me.
427
00:19:43,274 --> 00:19:45,692
Maybe that means
you still care.
428
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,027
Of course I do.
429
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,596
Now, let's go home
and spend a romantic night
430
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:51,898
looking through your computer's
browsing history.
431
00:19:51,932 --> 00:19:54,334
That exists?
Oh, boy.
432
00:19:54,368 --> 00:19:57,721
Honey, just what was going on
with you and that guy?
433
00:19:57,755 --> 00:20:00,824
Well... I was
trying to buy you snack cakes...
434
00:20:00,858 --> 00:20:03,226
Oh, baby, that's all
I needed to hear.
435
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:20,927
How did we get here?
436
00:20:25,663 --> 00:20:29,633
♪ Marge was feeling
lonely and bored ♪
437
00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:33,120
♪ Every night she was ignored
438
00:20:33,154 --> 00:20:35,522
♪ But when Marge went boo-hoo
439
00:20:35,557 --> 00:20:38,492
♪ I was building a choo-choo
440
00:20:38,526 --> 00:20:40,427
♪ And love conquered all
441
00:20:40,462 --> 00:20:43,097
♪ With a train from the mall
442
00:20:46,301 --> 00:20:50,137
♪ So that very same night
443
00:20:50,171 --> 00:20:53,624
♪ Ben went back on the site
444
00:20:53,658 --> 00:20:58,128
♪ And he lined up a date
with SelmaóBó88 ♪
445
00:20:58,163 --> 00:21:00,030
♪ She said that she's smokin'
446
00:21:00,064 --> 00:21:02,149
♪ And I wasn't jokin'
447
00:21:04,018 --> 00:21:05,652
♪ Find love
on the net ♪
448
00:21:05,686 --> 00:21:08,038
♪ You deserve
what you get ♪
449
00:21:08,072 --> 00:21:11,525
♪ Three awesome kids
and a life of regret ♪
450
00:21:13,094 --> 00:21:15,078
And now it's time
for Grampa's song!
451
00:21:15,130 --> 00:21:17,311
♪ Down by the old
452
00:21:17,312 --> 00:21:20,905
Not the new, but the old...
♪ Mill stream
453
00:21:20,906 --> 00:21:23,086
Not the river, but the stream.
454
00:21:23,138 --> 00:21:24,839
♪ Where I first...
Not the second or the...
455
00:21:25,972 --> 00:21:27,222
Shh!
456
00:21:27,247 --> 00:21:32,247
== sync, corrected by elderman ==