1 00:00:46,295 --> 00:00:47,395 D'oh! 2 00:00:54,403 --> 00:00:55,570 Mm? 3 00:00:55,571 --> 00:00:59,071 ♪ The Simpsons 24x16 ♪ Dark Knight Court Original Air Date on March 17, 2013 4 00:00:59,072 --> 00:01:02,272 == sync, corrected by elderman == 5 00:01:02,278 --> 00:01:05,180 A plague is sweeping through Springfield. 6 00:01:05,214 --> 00:01:06,548 A blue bonnet plague. 7 00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:10,118 Springfield's ladies are wearing colorful Easter hats 8 00:01:10,152 --> 00:01:13,021 to celebrate the resurrection of... 9 00:01:13,055 --> 00:01:14,456 Jesus Christ. 10 00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:18,360 ♪ I could write a sonnet 11 00:01:18,394 --> 00:01:22,564 ♪ About your Easter bonnet 12 00:01:22,598 --> 00:01:26,067 ♪ And of the girl I'm taking 13 00:01:26,102 --> 00:01:27,302 ♪ To the Easter parade. 14 00:01:27,303 --> 00:01:28,370 Whoa. 15 00:01:28,404 --> 00:01:30,305 We'd better get this concert started. 16 00:01:30,339 --> 00:01:32,707 The giant chocolate bunny's melting. 17 00:01:32,742 --> 00:01:34,042 Hollow? 18 00:01:34,076 --> 00:01:35,310 We paid for solid! 19 00:01:35,344 --> 00:01:37,579 Chief, the company's named Bunny Hollow. 20 00:01:37,613 --> 00:01:39,381 I thought that was where they lived. 21 00:01:39,415 --> 00:01:41,750 Look at those delightful children, Smithers. 22 00:01:41,784 --> 00:01:44,753 All those healthy organs, ripe for the harvesting. 23 00:01:48,624 --> 00:01:49,925 Not here, sir. 24 00:01:49,959 --> 00:01:50,926 Not now. 25 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,528 Mm. Hmm. 26 00:01:56,766 --> 00:01:59,434 Uh, not sure what I'm expecting to happen here. 27 00:02:00,603 --> 00:02:04,072 ♪ Here comes flute and piccolos ♪ 28 00:02:04,106 --> 00:02:07,442 ♪ What comes next, the horns, horns, horns ♪ 29 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,281 ♪ The horns, horns, horns 30 00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:16,051 Blow, you little disappointments! 31 00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:30,231 Ah. 32 00:02:40,509 --> 00:02:43,078 Who could've shoved eggs up our brass? 33 00:02:46,248 --> 00:02:49,918 His amusement is tantamount to culpability! 34 00:02:51,387 --> 00:02:52,487 Easy, easy. 35 00:02:52,521 --> 00:02:53,388 Let's not jump to conclus... 36 00:02:53,389 --> 00:02:55,524 Too late. Already jumped. 37 00:02:55,558 --> 00:02:57,259 Egg don't belong 38 00:02:57,293 --> 00:02:58,527 in a chicken's eye. 39 00:02:58,561 --> 00:03:01,363 It belongs in her pee-poo-birth-hole. 40 00:03:01,397 --> 00:03:02,431 Kill that boy! 41 00:03:05,401 --> 00:03:07,169 It's Easter; 42 00:03:07,203 --> 00:03:09,004 why aren't these people at work? 43 00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:15,110 Good Lord. 44 00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:17,713 Look at all these comical booklets. 45 00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:19,181 Yes, yes. 46 00:03:19,215 --> 00:03:21,316 Just don't exhale your death breath directly on them. 47 00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:22,551 Thank you. 48 00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:24,653 You know, I used to collect these 49 00:03:24,687 --> 00:03:26,288 bestapled fables. 50 00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:31,894 What are you reading? 51 00:03:31,928 --> 00:03:33,428 The adventures of The Good Shepherd 52 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,664 and his sidekick, The Fleecy Kid. 53 00:03:35,698 --> 00:03:37,699 Bah! That's his battle cry. 54 00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:38,767 Baa! 55 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:41,136 The sound which terrifies sheep rustlers 56 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:43,071 the length and breadth of Michigan's 57 00:03:43,106 --> 00:03:44,573 untamed upper peninsula. 58 00:03:44,607 --> 00:03:47,743 You should be out in the fresh air, kicking dogs. 59 00:03:47,777 --> 00:03:50,145 I'm gonna buy this publishing company 60 00:03:50,179 --> 00:03:52,080 and burn it to the ground. 61 00:03:52,115 --> 00:03:54,583 Why did you have to lock us in? 62 00:03:54,617 --> 00:03:56,151 Teach my son a lesson! 63 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,924 How much for your entire collection? 64 00:04:01,958 --> 00:04:05,427 Um, the speed of light, expressed in dollars. 65 00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:08,063 Just give him Faraday's Constant. 66 00:04:15,772 --> 00:04:17,606 Nice going, Bart. 67 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,675 You've ruined Halloween, Thanksgiving, 68 00:04:19,709 --> 00:04:20,876 Christmas and Easter. 69 00:04:20,910 --> 00:04:23,078 The legendary grand slam. 70 00:04:23,112 --> 00:04:25,180 You guys, I swear I didn't do it. 71 00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,960 Oh, I don't like the sound of that funeral march. 72 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,864 Okay, I'll pay for your damn band candy! 73 00:04:42,899 --> 00:04:44,967 What was it, $1,700? 74 00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:46,168 Forget the candy! 75 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:48,136 We're here to turn this... 76 00:04:48,171 --> 00:04:50,639 into this. 77 00:04:50,673 --> 00:04:53,375 Now do me wearing a sombrero. 78 00:04:56,412 --> 00:04:58,814 Now have me sleeping under a cactus. 79 00:04:59,849 --> 00:05:00,849 D'oh! 80 00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:02,117 Hand over your son, 81 00:05:02,151 --> 00:05:04,786 so we can administer "Band Justice." 82 00:05:08,091 --> 00:05:09,491 I know this looks bad. 83 00:05:09,525 --> 00:05:11,526 And I admit, I would totally lie in a second 84 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,695 to Lisa or Mom or Dad, 85 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,731 but I would never lie to Maggie. 86 00:05:15,765 --> 00:05:18,300 I did not do that prank. 87 00:05:23,272 --> 00:05:26,375 Wow, he passed the Maggie test. 88 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,777 And remember how Maggie solved Cookiegate? 89 00:05:28,811 --> 00:05:30,746 All too well. 90 00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:35,550 To prove my brother's innocence, I demand a youth court. 91 00:05:36,786 --> 00:05:37,819 That's right! 92 00:05:37,854 --> 00:05:39,855 Bart must not be judged by these kids, 93 00:05:39,889 --> 00:05:42,290 but by a jury, of kids. 94 00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:43,558 Mostly these kids. 95 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,093 There's only so many kids. 96 00:05:46,462 --> 00:05:48,797 I'm afraid once a youth court has been demanded, 97 00:05:48,831 --> 00:05:52,100 we are legally obligated to shut down mob rule, 98 00:05:52,135 --> 00:05:54,603 as decided in the case of Rubber v. Glue 99 00:05:54,637 --> 00:05:57,773 and reaffirmed by I Know You Are v. What Am I. 100 00:05:57,807 --> 00:06:00,375 Son, if there's one thing I've learned 101 00:06:00,410 --> 00:06:05,047 as a defendant and a juror, it's stay out of the courtroom. 102 00:06:05,081 --> 00:06:06,915 It's so frickin' boring. 103 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:07,916 Run, boy! 104 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,718 I'll create a distraction. 105 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,552 Anyone can conduct Sousa. 106 00:06:45,636 --> 00:06:46,803 Good news, bad news: 107 00:06:46,837 --> 00:06:48,438 we're allowed to select the judge, 108 00:06:48,472 --> 00:06:51,741 but it's impossible to find one who doesn't hate you. 109 00:06:51,775 --> 00:06:54,344 I know someone who would make a great judge. 110 00:06:54,378 --> 00:06:56,245 Would you kids believe your Grampa 111 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,348 once argued in front of the Supreme Court? 112 00:06:58,382 --> 00:06:59,449 No. Sorry. 113 00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:00,483 Not a chance. 114 00:07:00,517 --> 00:07:01,984 I mean, it's true. 115 00:07:02,019 --> 00:07:04,487 It was back in 1998. 116 00:07:04,521 --> 00:07:07,190 I say individual rights. 117 00:07:07,224 --> 00:07:09,025 I say the common good. 118 00:07:09,059 --> 00:07:11,861 Gentlemen, our system balances both. 119 00:07:11,895 --> 00:07:14,030 Oh, yeah, and how would you know? 120 00:07:14,064 --> 00:07:16,099 Attorney General Janet Reno? 121 00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:17,200 That's right. 122 00:07:17,234 --> 00:07:19,469 And that better not be your gum on the ground. 123 00:07:19,503 --> 00:07:21,637 Uh, it's not, but I'll take care of it. 124 00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:25,541 Stop doing that. 125 00:07:27,111 --> 00:07:30,513 This is better than being a real attorney or a real general. 126 00:07:30,547 --> 00:07:33,616 The attorney general and I have been playing chess 127 00:07:33,650 --> 00:07:35,385 through the mail ever since. 128 00:07:35,419 --> 00:07:37,553 I find that a little hard to believe. 129 00:07:37,588 --> 00:07:39,856 Yeah, why would you play chess through the mail 130 00:07:39,890 --> 00:07:41,557 when you can play chess through the Internet? 131 00:07:41,592 --> 00:07:43,659 Or preferably, not play chess at all? 132 00:07:43,694 --> 00:07:45,428 See here, sass mouth, 133 00:07:45,462 --> 00:07:47,864 you're not too big for me to tan your hide. 134 00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:50,400 It's not a threat if I don't know what it means. 135 00:07:50,434 --> 00:07:52,168 I'll fix your wagon! 136 00:07:52,202 --> 00:07:53,436 Thanks. I'd like that. 137 00:07:58,675 --> 00:08:00,710 I get a whiff of the immigrant 138 00:08:00,744 --> 00:08:02,812 from these newfangled superheroes. 139 00:08:08,185 --> 00:08:09,519 Hmm. 140 00:08:09,553 --> 00:08:13,523 Reclusive millionaire, stately mansion, damaged psyche. 141 00:08:14,558 --> 00:08:16,259 He's just like me. 142 00:08:16,293 --> 00:08:19,762 Smithers, I, too, shall become a crime-fighting bat. 143 00:08:19,797 --> 00:08:20,797 Hmm. 144 00:08:20,831 --> 00:08:22,732 But I won't become just any bat. 145 00:08:22,766 --> 00:08:25,868 I shall be the terrifying bat who swoops from the sky 146 00:08:25,903 --> 00:08:28,538 and sucks the vital essence of his prey. 147 00:08:28,572 --> 00:08:31,274 I shall be Fruit Bat Man! 148 00:08:31,308 --> 00:08:32,742 Great, great. 149 00:08:32,776 --> 00:08:34,911 I-I don't suppose you'll be forgetting about this tomorrow? 150 00:08:34,945 --> 00:08:36,879 No sooner than I'd forget my own mother. 151 00:08:36,914 --> 00:08:38,614 That's not your mother, that's your bear. 152 00:08:38,649 --> 00:08:40,750 Well, then, where's my stuffed mother? 153 00:08:45,222 --> 00:08:48,524 All right, you soft-skulled nitwits, sit up straight, 154 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:51,327 because we finally have someone in this school 155 00:08:51,361 --> 00:08:53,062 who deserves your respect: 156 00:08:53,096 --> 00:08:55,498 former Attorney General Janet Reno. 157 00:08:55,532 --> 00:08:57,467 Thank you, Gary. 158 00:08:58,502 --> 00:09:00,102 Grampa's story was true? 159 00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:03,773 First, I would like to say, rook to E-8. Checkmate. 160 00:09:03,807 --> 00:09:04,841 Dagnabbit! 161 00:09:06,176 --> 00:09:08,411 Youth court is now in session. 162 00:09:08,445 --> 00:09:10,079 God, I love gaveling. 163 00:09:10,113 --> 00:09:11,380 Mr. Prosecutor? 164 00:09:11,415 --> 00:09:13,115 Over the next few days, 165 00:09:13,150 --> 00:09:14,183 you're going to hear 166 00:09:14,218 --> 00:09:16,118 how the defendant, Bartholomew Simpson, 167 00:09:16,153 --> 00:09:19,055 aka the Springfield Egger... 168 00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:20,623 Objection! Prejudicial! 169 00:09:20,657 --> 00:09:21,524 Sustained. 170 00:09:22,593 --> 00:09:23,893 She sustained me. 171 00:09:23,927 --> 00:09:26,429 How Bartholomew Simpson wantonly 172 00:09:26,463 --> 00:09:28,865 egged this town with Milhouse aforethought. 173 00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:30,032 Now, hold on. 174 00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:32,435 Principal Skinner, are you wearing hard-soled shoes 175 00:09:32,469 --> 00:09:33,769 on this gym floor? 176 00:09:33,804 --> 00:09:35,605 No, ma'am. Sneakers. 177 00:09:35,639 --> 00:09:38,307 You're wearing sneakers to a trial? 178 00:09:38,342 --> 00:09:40,977 Oh, God, the press is gonna have a field day with this. 179 00:09:41,011 --> 00:09:42,278 Yay, field day! 180 00:09:42,312 --> 00:09:44,814 I can go cuckoo and no one can stop me! 181 00:09:44,848 --> 00:09:47,183 That's exactly what George W. Bush said 182 00:09:47,217 --> 00:09:48,618 when he was inaugurated. 183 00:09:48,652 --> 00:09:49,785 People don't remember that. 184 00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:50,953 This case is going great. 185 00:09:50,988 --> 00:09:52,555 Although as usual, I look nothing like 186 00:09:52,589 --> 00:09:53,923 the courtroom artist's drawing. 187 00:09:54,925 --> 00:09:57,093 Nice try, Pop. 188 00:10:00,464 --> 00:10:02,164 Very dramatic, sir. 189 00:10:02,199 --> 00:10:04,467 A little more brooding, and... 190 00:10:04,501 --> 00:10:05,701 there's my superhero. 191 00:10:05,736 --> 00:10:07,270 Now let's get you to bed and... 192 00:10:07,304 --> 00:10:08,704 Hist. Look there. 193 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,642 This looks like a job for Fruit Bat Man. 194 00:10:14,645 --> 00:10:16,512 Perhaps we should, uh, just call the police. 195 00:10:16,547 --> 00:10:17,747 The police? Bah! 196 00:10:17,781 --> 00:10:19,982 Every last man on the take. 197 00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:22,084 And I should know, because I'm on the give. 198 00:10:22,119 --> 00:10:23,986 I've never felt more alive! 199 00:10:26,390 --> 00:10:29,625 Look, I'll give you each $1,000 if you pretend to let 200 00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:31,527 that old man out there stop this crime. 201 00:10:31,562 --> 00:10:32,495 Mm. 202 00:10:33,797 --> 00:10:35,264 Mm. 203 00:10:35,299 --> 00:10:37,833 Feel the crumbling fist of justice! 204 00:10:37,868 --> 00:10:39,302 Ouchers. 205 00:10:39,336 --> 00:10:40,937 Oh, dear. 206 00:10:40,971 --> 00:10:44,140 Who are you, mysterious octogenarian of the night? 207 00:10:44,174 --> 00:10:46,375 I am the squeak in the rafters, 208 00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:47,877 the flutter in the chimney, 209 00:10:47,911 --> 00:10:50,146 the tiny teeth marks in the peach. 210 00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:52,315 I am Fruit Bat Man. 211 00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:56,118 Now back to my natural realm, the inky night. 212 00:10:58,455 --> 00:11:01,123 D'oh! 213 00:11:01,158 --> 00:11:04,660 I'll just take one of these key chain penlights. 214 00:11:04,695 --> 00:11:06,596 You have to keep squeezing this thing? 215 00:11:06,630 --> 00:11:08,130 Who has the strength for that? 216 00:11:09,833 --> 00:11:12,668 So when I came in, the Monday after Easter, 217 00:11:12,703 --> 00:11:14,704 I noticed three dozen eggs missing. 218 00:11:14,738 --> 00:11:17,206 And do you think this boy took those eggs? 219 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,076 Him? All he takes are sodas and desserts. 220 00:11:20,110 --> 00:11:21,911 Objection! Unhealthy! 221 00:11:21,945 --> 00:11:23,713 But could Bart have gotten those eggs? 222 00:11:23,747 --> 00:11:24,981 No way. 223 00:11:25,015 --> 00:11:26,716 They were under lock and key. 224 00:11:28,118 --> 00:11:29,919 No one could have touched those eggs 225 00:11:29,953 --> 00:11:32,521 except me and the seagulls that laid them. 226 00:11:32,556 --> 00:11:34,056 No further questions. 227 00:11:35,592 --> 00:11:37,927 Ah, to be young and on trial. 228 00:11:37,961 --> 00:11:39,862 ♪ 229 00:11:57,214 --> 00:12:00,216 ♪ 230 00:12:14,931 --> 00:12:18,034 A toast to our enigmatic new protector, 231 00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:20,102 who certainly isn't me. 232 00:12:20,137 --> 00:12:21,804 Smithers, wink my eye. 233 00:12:23,607 --> 00:12:25,408 Want to hit the hot tub, Burnsie? 234 00:12:25,442 --> 00:12:27,410 Well, I hate to get all pruney, 235 00:12:27,444 --> 00:12:30,479 but heated tubbery is what we playboys do. 236 00:12:30,514 --> 00:12:32,548 Great work, everyone. That's a wrap. 237 00:12:34,785 --> 00:12:37,353 It's nice to make an old man feel good about himself. 238 00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:38,721 You said it. 239 00:12:40,524 --> 00:12:43,159 So Bart couldn't have taken the eggs. 240 00:12:43,193 --> 00:12:44,960 I was with him the whole weekend. 241 00:12:44,995 --> 00:12:46,328 You'd make up any lie 242 00:12:46,363 --> 00:12:48,197 for that Simpson boy, wouldn't you? 243 00:12:48,231 --> 00:12:51,000 Yeah, but I'd pee my pants. 244 00:12:51,034 --> 00:12:52,601 Nelson. 245 00:12:52,636 --> 00:12:54,503 Dry as a bone. 246 00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:57,707 Now, that's what I call 247 00:12:57,741 --> 00:13:00,042 "legal briefs." 248 00:13:00,077 --> 00:13:02,278 I thought of the joke and rushed over. 249 00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:03,913 Your Honor, 250 00:13:03,947 --> 00:13:05,281 I think we've seen enough. 251 00:13:05,315 --> 00:13:07,450 I have demolished the prosecution's claims 252 00:13:07,484 --> 00:13:10,686 and made the prosecutor sweat through two shirts. 253 00:13:10,721 --> 00:13:12,321 I move that you dismiss this case 254 00:13:12,355 --> 00:13:14,957 and release this sweet, lovable boy. 255 00:13:14,991 --> 00:13:16,692 Motion denied. 256 00:13:17,494 --> 00:13:18,728 Miss Simpson, 257 00:13:18,762 --> 00:13:21,197 your grandstanding summation contained a grievous error. 258 00:13:21,231 --> 00:13:23,165 By calling your brother sweet and lovable, 259 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,167 you opened the door to testimony 260 00:13:25,202 --> 00:13:27,803 from anyone who doesn't think he's sweet and lovable. 261 00:13:27,838 --> 00:13:30,873 The prosecution calls everyone in the world! 262 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,162 Mr. Szyslak, 263 00:13:42,163 --> 00:13:44,531 what name did the defendant ask for 264 00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,500 when he called you at your bar? 265 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,835 He asked for, um... 266 00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:50,604 ...Mike Rotch. 267 00:13:50,638 --> 00:13:52,472 And then what did you say? 268 00:13:52,507 --> 00:13:54,474 Well, I said, um... 269 00:13:54,509 --> 00:13:56,276 I said, "Mike Rotch." 270 00:13:56,311 --> 00:13:59,179 Um, "Mike Rotch." 271 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,547 And then I... 272 00:14:00,582 --> 00:14:02,316 I'm sorry. 273 00:14:02,350 --> 00:14:03,817 Take all the time you need. 274 00:14:03,852 --> 00:14:06,987 I, uh, I, uh, I yelled out, 275 00:14:07,021 --> 00:14:10,090 "Has anybody seen Mike Rotch?" 276 00:14:11,326 --> 00:14:13,093 See, they... 277 00:14:13,127 --> 00:14:16,430 See, they thought I was asking if anybody wanted to see... 278 00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,232 my-my... 279 00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:21,401 Oh, man, this is so painful. 280 00:14:21,436 --> 00:14:24,805 My crotch. 281 00:14:28,776 --> 00:14:30,744 Thank you for your bravery today. 282 00:14:30,778 --> 00:14:31,945 I just had to make sure 283 00:14:31,980 --> 00:14:33,700 that he never did this to another bartender. 284 00:14:34,849 --> 00:14:38,352 Pass the gravy, Gloria All-Wrong. 285 00:14:38,386 --> 00:14:41,989 The trial's not over, and gravy is dead animal juice. 286 00:14:42,023 --> 00:14:44,491 Hmm? 287 00:14:44,525 --> 00:14:45,893 Hmm. 288 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:49,663 Just remember this: a Simpson never gives up. 289 00:14:51,399 --> 00:14:52,833 You got to be kidding! 290 00:15:02,043 --> 00:15:03,443 A civilian. 291 00:15:03,478 --> 00:15:04,878 She mustn't know I'm a hero. 292 00:15:04,913 --> 00:15:06,113 Gouge her eyes out. 293 00:15:07,215 --> 00:15:08,749 Mr. Burns, 294 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,250 I came here because my brother 295 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,185 is about to be wrongfully convicted, 296 00:15:12,220 --> 00:15:13,787 and the man I'm looking for 297 00:15:13,821 --> 00:15:15,289 would help me find the truth. 298 00:15:15,323 --> 00:15:16,390 Don't you get it? 299 00:15:16,424 --> 00:15:18,292 I don't care who you are or what you want. 300 00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:20,961 Now get lost. 301 00:15:23,231 --> 00:15:25,299 I think you just sent away the first person 302 00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,301 you could have actually helped. 303 00:15:27,335 --> 00:15:29,069 What do you mean, "actually"? 304 00:15:29,103 --> 00:15:30,904 I've punched out four Homer Simpson shaped burglars 305 00:15:30,939 --> 00:15:32,372 tonight alone. 306 00:15:32,407 --> 00:15:34,808 All those crooks were fakes, set up by me. 307 00:15:35,843 --> 00:15:37,377 Even the Abominable Dr. Lenny? 308 00:15:37,412 --> 00:15:38,912 No, he was a happy accident. 309 00:15:38,947 --> 00:15:41,048 But the rest were fakes, just like you, 310 00:15:41,082 --> 00:15:43,350 a man who claims to be a hero but is nothing more 311 00:15:43,384 --> 00:15:45,719 than a fraud with a cute little bod. 312 00:15:48,256 --> 00:15:52,059 They're calling for you, sir, but who's gonna answer? 313 00:15:54,529 --> 00:15:55,729 Ah! 314 00:15:55,763 --> 00:15:57,764 What the hell is that?! 315 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,762 And so I've learned that the only true Batmen 316 00:16:05,763 --> 00:16:07,999 are Christian Bale and Adam West. 317 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:11,002 Why are you washing Bumblebee Man's pants? 318 00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:13,104 I volunteered to wash the egg stains 319 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,405 off everyone's clothes. 320 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,174 It's one of those things you say 321 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:18,509 and hope nobody takes you up on it. 322 00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,045 That's odd. What's odd? 323 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,447 This skirt has a small splatter. 324 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,048 Splatter? Splatter as if the egg 325 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:25,616 had been crushed against it by hand. 326 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,617 I don't follow. 327 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,852 Like someone faked being hit, 328 00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:29,187 so they wouldn't be a suspect. 329 00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,055 Interesting, except you missed one thing. 330 00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,623 What's that? It's not a skirt. 331 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,058 It's a kilt! 332 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,098 Oh, the wood chipper. 333 00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:41,833 Is there any sweeter music? 334 00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,301 Why'd you do it, Willy? 335 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,572 Because the world is better off with four fewer Welshmen! 336 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:49,407 Wait, what are we talking about? 337 00:16:49,441 --> 00:16:51,542 This kilt says you framed my brother. 338 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,744 Why? 339 00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:54,645 Because I hate Easter. 340 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,915 You see, ladies, I'm not just a Presbyterian, 341 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,752 I'm a Scottish Old Believer Presbyterian! 342 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,422 Old Believers don't recognize holidays 343 00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,791 not celebrated by the original apostles, 344 00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:09,327 especially one named after 345 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,996 the pagan god, Eostre! 346 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,998 But how did you get the key? 347 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:16,467 I made sweet love to Lunchlady Dora, 348 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,136 then copied the key as she slept. 349 00:17:20,038 --> 00:17:21,572 Hmm. Mm-hmm. 350 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:24,208 Now, as for your evidence... 351 00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:31,149 Behold, the pointed ears of justice. 352 00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:35,486 Ah! A human fruit bat! 353 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,631 You're so light. It's like fighting a silk scarf! 354 00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:48,199 Or a kimono sash! 355 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:51,669 Yes, feel the weightless tickle of justice. 356 00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,982 Which side won? 357 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,150 Good or evil? 358 00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,385 Good. 359 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:08,853 And which side was I on? 360 00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:10,054 Also good. 361 00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:11,789 Well, there's two surprises. 362 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,626 Will the defendant please rise? 363 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:19,797 It's amazing how much exercise I've gotten from those words. 364 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,532 Pause the inquisition! 365 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,902 Behold the real egg-flinging fiend. 366 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,938 Aye, 'tis true. 367 00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:30,474 I pulled the prank, for some daft Scottish reason. 368 00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:34,111 I'd fire that man if he weren't so damned good at what he does. 369 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:36,180 We have a school full of professionals, sir. 370 00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:38,115 Really? Where is that school? 371 00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:39,550 Inside your head? 372 00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:42,954 Another mystery solved by Attorney General Janet Reno. 373 00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:44,655 Case dismissed. 374 00:18:46,358 --> 00:18:47,859 You saved me, Lis. 375 00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:51,929 For the rest of my life, you'll always be my one phone call. 376 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,333 Aw, but I do hope you'll try to be good from now on. 377 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,034 Don't need to; I got you. 378 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,737 Children, let me be clear. 379 00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,472 Despite what happened here, 380 00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:03,641 last minute confessions, shackled Scotsman 381 00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:07,345 and meddling billionaires are not how the legal system works. 382 00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:09,080 Well, the last one is. 383 00:19:09,114 --> 00:19:11,249 Today, you were truly a hero. 384 00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,183 Thank you. 385 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,351 Excellent. 386 00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,353 You know, if you're gonna be a hero, 387 00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:17,855 you might not want to tent your fingers like that. 388 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,190 Is this better? 389 00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:21,692 Maybe you should wrap your hands behind your head. 390 00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:24,095 Maybe I should wrap them around your gabby little throat. 391 00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:27,098 Ah! Tenting, tenting! Back to the tenting! 392 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:32,303 Acquitted? 393 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,205 Then my nightmare isn't over! 394 00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:42,943 == sync, corrected by elderman == 395 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:54,158 Well, Fruit Bat Man, it seems you're no match for me, 396 00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,427 the Abominable Dr. Lenny! 397 00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,870 Gentlemen, this threat is too great 398 00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:07,571 for just one elderly hero. 399 00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,707 We have no choice but to activate 400 00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:12,443 The Octogenarian Initiative. 401 00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:14,345 The Rambler... 402 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:18,015 And then there was the time I taught a dog to make oatmeal. 403 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:22,353 ...Early Bird, 404 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,856 Hot Flash, 405 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,793 Iron Lung. 406 00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:30,795 It is time to pull up... 407 00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:32,830 The Dependables. 408 00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,703 I open one, no trump. 409 00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:39,937 Double. 410 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,707 You've just made a powerful enemy. 411 00:21:26,044 --> 00:21:27,256 Shh!