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Season 21 - Episode 01
- Bart Gets a Z -
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This will be a good day.
This will be a good day.
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00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:25,227
This will be a good day.
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And five, and six... oh, yeah!
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Your man is going to love
those sexy new abs.
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It's just another day.
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Check it out.
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That crazy lady's singing
a million-year-old song.
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Okay, Edna, remember:
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if you can teach one kid
one thing,
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then today will be a success.
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Now, class...
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class.
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Class, please pay attention!
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Text "Uncle". Text "Uncle".
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You're children.
Why do you all need cell phones?
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- Safety.
- Emergencies.
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Safety.
Educational.
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Could you at least
set them to vibrate?
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That's it: everything in the box.
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No more gizmos in this class.
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They're all going in the drawer
with the biology frogs.
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Okay. We'll call your bluff.
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Teach us: using only
the knowledge in your own head.
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Hey, don't worry.
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We still have the good old
classroom computer.
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Who wants to play Word Jammers?
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My stroked-out grandfather
has more memory than that thing.
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- How is he doing?
- Better. Thanks.
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How could Krabappel
take my cell phone?
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I'm only on month one
of a 60-month plan.
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Krabappel just needs to chill out
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and realize life is cool, but how?
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Okay. Now I'll be the dog,
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and you be the daddy.
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You know, my dad is a lot more fun
after a few beers.
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Maybe Mrs. K would be nicer
if we "Irish up" her coffee.
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Put blood in it?
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No, booze.
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First the easy part.
Kids, get some liquor.
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Hurry! She's almost done flirting
with the vending machine guy.
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What if she tastes the booze?
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Relax. Hazelnut Creamer
covers all sins.
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And that's why I found
Good Night, Gorilla
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to be the perfect
summer beach read.
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Two stars for you.
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And an extra,
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'cause you're going
to have a hard life.
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This old man, he played one
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He played knickknack
on my thumb.
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You look tired.
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Maybe you need some more coffee.
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Dizzy.
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You'll be going back to Denmark
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Spain and Uruguay
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And we promise
that we'll write you
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But you know that that's a lie
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Hey! You know why
they call it a choir?
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Because "choir" we listening
to this crap?
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These pantyhose are all twisted up.
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Edna, please! Even the union
can't protect you from this.
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Give me one night, Dewey.
I'll get you off Broadway.
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- Never!
- Edna, let's go.
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- Do you think we went too far?
- Nah.
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Booze only makes you do things
you already wanted to do.
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I'm queen of the world!
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I'm so sorry. I really don't know
what happened.
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You made quite a nanny goat
of yourself yesterday.
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I know I did,
but I don't know why.
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This is the hardest thing
I've ever had to do,
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but I'm letting you go.
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Seymour...
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I'm going to cry.
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Here. Take my hanky.
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I'm working on my magic act
for the Faculty Follies.
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But right now,
I don't feel much like follying.
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Could I have a moment alone?
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Of course.
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There's a form to extend
your health insurance on my desk.
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I never wanted her to get fired.
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00:07:46,948 --> 00:07:49,522
I bet it was that hamster medicine
we added
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that put her over the edge.
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Maybe I should tell Skinner
that it was our...
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Needle scratch!
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My name is Zachary Vaughn.
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I just got my masters in education
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from Tufts University,
and you are my first class ever.
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An M.E.D. from Tufts?
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Nice.
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00:08:07,047 --> 00:08:10,041
But why talk when I could text?
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- Our cell phones!
- Our Blueteeth!
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My tip calculator!
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That text was totally worth
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the 15 cents it cost to receive it.
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Then, Zach Skyped us,
live-blogged our spelling bee
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and friended us on Facebook.
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I thought you were studying
the Lincoln-Douglas debates.
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You mean the L Man/D Dog flame wars.
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I'm glad you've got
such a stimulating substitute,
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00:08:41,685 --> 00:08:43,752
but I'm worried about
Mrs. Krabappel.
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Oh, no worries.
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I heard on the four-square court
she's doing great.
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No one even plays
four-square anymore.
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They just gossip.
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Alright.
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Who can tell me
what the Monroe Doctrine was?
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The President Monroe said
America has the right as...
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00:09:06,106 --> 00:09:07,101
Wait.
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Are you telling me
you memorized that fact
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when anyone with a cell phone
can find it out in 30 seconds?
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I've crammed my head
full of garbage!
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Yes, you have.
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- What are these?
- Those are smiley stickers.
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Mrs. Krabappel used to put them
on our papers
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as a reward for good work.
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I run a paperless classroom.
Check this out.
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But...
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this is just
nonsense punctuation.
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Oh, my God!
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Anybody want to return
these caveman kudos
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to Mrs. Krabappel?
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Uh, sure.
It's sort of on my way home.
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I can check up on the old girl.
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She probably landed a job at
some fancy-schmancy prep school.
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Make way for the new freshman.
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Where do I find the books,
the booze and the broads?
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Dean, how about a little privacy?
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I've got to matriculate.
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Door's broken.
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Mrs. K, is everything all right?
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Sure.
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Never better.
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I know, Bart.
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It's pretty sad to see
your teacher fallen so low.
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It's the movie. It's so funny.
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Sir, this is a benefit
to increase our endowment.
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Honey, if we increase
your endowment any more,
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we'll all be in the shade.
Hey, you're all right.
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Everyone, dessert's on me.
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Sorry, sorry.
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00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,970
Thanks for bringing over
the smiley stickers, Bart.
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They really liven the place the up.
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You've got to get out of here. When was
the last time you washed your hair?
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Two weeks ago?
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That's better than me,
but still, you've got to get out.
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00:11:03,078 --> 00:11:05,449
What's the point?
Out of work, I'm out of money.
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No man wants me, except Disco Stu.
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00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:10,852
Disco Stu is about more
than just disco.
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I'm also... super Christian!
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Look, there's a big football game
on tonight,
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00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:20,820
so we can get this thing
over real quick.
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00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:23,620
Show me some of Bart's artwork,
give me a little false hope,
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00:11:23,756 --> 00:11:26,072
and here's a little something
to help with his grades.
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I'm not asking for A's,
just incompletes.
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00:11:28,736 --> 00:11:30,682
Mr. Simpson,
I don't need your money.
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00:11:30,855 --> 00:11:32,713
Bart can definitely be a challenge,
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but, I like challenges, and he...
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00:11:34,908 --> 00:11:36,672
...he's got a wild sense of humor.
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Look at this picture he drew.
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It will be his last birthday
if he keeps drawing pictures like this.
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- What?
- I said, are there any areas
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that we, his parents,
can improve upon?
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Yes. Just one: relax.
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You're clearly a caring father.
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You're the first teacher
that ever got me.
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Let it out. Let it out.
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Keep it in. Keep it in.
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Two hot chocolates
with hot fudge boost.
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Milhouse...
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...we ruined Edna's life.
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00:12:26,407 --> 00:12:27,922
Maybe we can get her job back.
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00:12:28,057 --> 00:12:29,641
But we can't lose Zack.
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Look at the awesome video
he just e-mailed me.
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00:12:32,508 --> 00:12:35,470
Check out the multiples
of seven, y'all.
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00:12:43,325 --> 00:12:45,460
There's got to be
some other way to help Mrs. K.
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00:12:45,596 --> 00:12:48,032
Maybe we can find an
answer in this bookstore.
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00:12:48,165 --> 00:12:49,531
Bookstores don't have answers.
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00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:52,993
They just have creepy guys sitting
in easy chairs at the end of aisle ways.
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00:12:53,196 --> 00:12:55,910
I ain't paid for Doris
Kearns Goodwin in my life,
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and I ain't gonna start now.
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00:12:57,938 --> 00:12:59,863
Oh, that's some good Doris there.
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You're right.
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I guess no one's ever written a book
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to help a middle-aged
woman turn her life around.
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Excuse me.
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00:13:07,128 --> 00:13:09,730
I believe you boys
are looking for... The Answer.
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00:13:10,047 --> 00:13:11,721
What's The Answer?
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00:13:11,855 --> 00:13:15,633
Only the best-selling book,
slash, DVD since the bible.
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00:13:17,137 --> 00:13:18,612
My life was over.
190
00:13:18,748 --> 00:13:21,391
I'd lost my job,
my husband left me.
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00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,103
I had to sleep
in a kangaroo's pouch.
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00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,551
And then I found...
The Answer.
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00:13:28,125 --> 00:13:30,932
SECRET DON'T VISIT OUR WEBSITE
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The Answer was discovered
by the philosophers of ancient Greece,
195
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:35,791
who hid it under a rock
196
00:13:35,928 --> 00:13:38,022
where it was discovered
by the knights of King Arthur,
197
00:13:38,158 --> 00:13:40,652
who placed it in a bottle
and set it in the ocean,
198
00:13:41,325 --> 00:13:43,862
where it was found
by Pat Sajak.
199
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:49,183
These great men
knew The Answer.
200
00:13:55,128 --> 00:13:59,032
The Answer is the secret to
achieving your heart's desire.
201
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:01,853
Learn The Answer,
and change your life.
202
00:14:01,976 --> 00:14:03,393
Available wherever dubious,
203
00:14:03,526 --> 00:14:05,603
quasi-scientific
self-help books are sold.
204
00:14:09,538 --> 00:14:11,801
So, um, you're wearing
the same bathrobe
205
00:14:11,937 --> 00:14:14,223
you were the last time
I was here, huh? That's cool.
206
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,613
Bart, you're a good kid.
207
00:14:15,736 --> 00:14:17,390
You're the only one
who came to see me.
208
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,910
Well, Mrs. K, I have just the book,
slash, DVD for you:
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00:14:21,036 --> 00:14:22,242
The Answer.
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00:14:22,378 --> 00:14:24,322
"This book uses
the ancient power of wanting."
211
00:14:24,487 --> 00:14:26,111
That makes absolutely no sense.
212
00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:29,040
Hey. "Just because
we don't understand electricity,
213
00:14:29,178 --> 00:14:31,072
doesn't mean we can't enjoy
its benefits."
214
00:14:31,247 --> 00:14:33,263
But we do understand electricity.
215
00:14:33,397 --> 00:14:35,650
Every positively charged
nucleus is...
216
00:14:35,785 --> 00:14:37,563
Cut it out.
You're not a teacher anymore.
217
00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:39,130
Way to cheer me up, kid.
218
00:14:40,548 --> 00:14:42,460
Look, Mrs. K, I'm a Simpson,
219
00:14:42,678 --> 00:14:46,600
and a Simpson never gives up until
he's tried at least one easy thing.
220
00:14:46,738 --> 00:14:47,943
Let me help you.
221
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,763
So, did you write
your dream on the...
222
00:14:52,886 --> 00:14:55,222
"index card of fate"?
223
00:14:55,465 --> 00:14:57,780
Yes, but it still seems...
224
00:14:57,916 --> 00:15:00,010
stupid.
225
00:15:01,146 --> 00:15:03,331
"I want to own a muffin store"
226
00:15:03,728 --> 00:15:05,162
Great idea!
227
00:15:05,288 --> 00:15:06,363
Now, let's see.
228
00:15:06,486 --> 00:15:09,180
"Break your dream down
into smaller wishes,
229
00:15:09,318 --> 00:15:11,820
then break those down
into wish-able actions."
230
00:15:12,125 --> 00:15:13,822
Bart, this is starting to sound
231
00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:15,913
like one of those loony
self-help books.
232
00:15:16,145 --> 00:15:19,323
Loony? Would a loony self-help
book come with a magic
233
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question mark inside?
234
00:15:24,398 --> 00:15:27,463
All thanks to The Answer!
235
00:15:27,806 --> 00:15:30,011
Well, opening this store
was a lot of work,
236
00:15:30,198 --> 00:15:32,190
but your faith in me
got me through it.
237
00:15:32,325 --> 00:15:34,802
And it looks like you got your own
index card of fate.
238
00:15:34,927 --> 00:15:36,932
- What's your dream?
- Nothing, nothing.
239
00:15:37,106 --> 00:15:39,081
Well, I'm sure it'll come true.
FLAME VISION
240
00:15:48,037 --> 00:15:50,091
One cran-bran for the Flan-man.
241
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,590
My pleasure.
242
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,512
- What did he want?
- Beats me.
243
00:15:54,635 --> 00:15:57,622
- I just gave him a banana.
- Well, thanks again, Bart.
244
00:15:57,795 --> 00:16:00,542
This store has definitely
turned my life around.
245
00:16:00,715 --> 00:16:02,642
Yup. I'm off the hook now.
246
00:16:02,777 --> 00:16:04,052
What do you mean by that?
247
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:06,360
Well, I guess I can tell you,
248
00:16:06,485 --> 00:16:08,802
'cause everything worked out
for the best.
249
00:16:08,965 --> 00:16:11,080
Everything?
What everything?
250
00:16:12,468 --> 00:16:14,343
Well, it's funny, really.
251
00:16:14,466 --> 00:16:18,333
I'm the one who put booze
in your coffee and got you fired.
252
00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:21,483
You did what?!
253
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:22,943
Please don't kill me.
254
00:16:26,316 --> 00:16:27,673
You ruined my life!
255
00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:30,863
It's your fault I have to work
at this stupid muffin store.
256
00:16:30,985 --> 00:16:32,531
But this place was your dream!
257
00:16:32,655 --> 00:16:36,320
My real dream was to be a teacher,
and you got me fired!
258
00:16:36,498 --> 00:16:39,493
Now I'm up to my eyeballs
in debt with this stupid store,
259
00:16:39,778 --> 00:16:42,750
and four more muffin stores
just opened on this block!
260
00:16:52,308 --> 00:16:54,842
But... But you found
The Answer!
261
00:16:56,226 --> 00:16:58,850
No! I wrote a phone number in there!
262
00:16:59,818 --> 00:17:01,521
No matter what you've done,
263
00:17:01,648 --> 00:17:05,063
I always thought there was a spark
of decency in you, Bart Simpson,
264
00:17:05,187 --> 00:17:06,521
but I was wrong.
265
00:17:06,738 --> 00:17:08,863
I never thought
I'd say this to a child,
266
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,862
but you are bad on the inside.
267
00:17:16,768 --> 00:17:18,780
Dad, am I bad on the inside?
268
00:17:19,178 --> 00:17:21,943
No... but the layers of bad
on your surface
269
00:17:22,105 --> 00:17:23,832
go almost all the way to the center.
270
00:17:24,007 --> 00:17:27,332
But you think there's, like,
a kernel of good inside me, right?
271
00:17:27,598 --> 00:17:28,971
Hmm. I don't know.
272
00:17:29,095 --> 00:17:30,540
Kernels are kind of big.
273
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:33,130
Oh! Listen, I was thinking.
274
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,121
If someone did a really
bad thing to one teacher,
275
00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:40,703
and then did the same bad
thing to another teacher
276
00:17:40,835 --> 00:17:43,773
to get the first teacher her
job back, would it be okay?
277
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,602
When you say teacher,
do you really mean parent?
278
00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:48,442
No, I mean teacher.
279
00:17:48,615 --> 00:17:49,911
Great. Go nuts.
280
00:17:50,048 --> 00:17:52,602
But remember, we never
had this discussion.
281
00:17:52,736 --> 00:17:54,042
What discussion?
282
00:17:54,165 --> 00:17:57,770
The one we just had about you
doing bad things, you stupid kid!
283
00:17:58,385 --> 00:17:59,183
Oh.
284
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,273
So, you see, it was my fault.
285
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,770
I got Mrs. Krabappel drunk.
286
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,732
Then I was gonna do
the same thing to Zack,
287
00:18:30,867 --> 00:18:33,112
but I decided it was better
to just tell the truth.
288
00:18:33,277 --> 00:18:35,901
Bart, you deserve a reward
for telling the truth.
289
00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:39,952
And that reward will be
in the form of a severe punishment.
290
00:18:40,115 --> 00:18:42,701
Doesn't matter, as long
as Edna gets her job back.
291
00:18:42,878 --> 00:18:45,481
Sorry, Bart, but I can't just
get rid of a teacher
292
00:18:45,605 --> 00:18:46,981
if he's doing a good job.
293
00:18:47,117 --> 00:18:48,163
Or an adequate job.
294
00:18:48,296 --> 00:18:50,640
Or just shows up
and doesn't touch anyone.
295
00:18:50,777 --> 00:18:52,462
I hate children!
296
00:18:52,637 --> 00:18:54,343
I hate children!
297
00:18:54,507 --> 00:18:55,913
Children suck!
298
00:18:56,266 --> 00:18:57,492
Children suck!
299
00:18:57,777 --> 00:19:01,050
What the...? Faculty lounge talk
out in the halls?!
300
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,701
I hate children!
301
00:19:03,836 --> 00:19:05,430
I hate children!
302
00:19:05,557 --> 00:19:07,642
You and you and you and you and you!
303
00:19:07,866 --> 00:19:09,610
You are wasting your lives.
304
00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:11,990
Hilary Swank didn't graduate
high school.
305
00:19:12,116 --> 00:19:13,482
She won two Oscars.
306
00:19:13,616 --> 00:19:15,491
And one of them she deserved.
307
00:19:16,576 --> 00:19:18,451
Bart, you said you
didn't get him drunk.
308
00:19:18,578 --> 00:19:21,110
- I didn't. I swear!
- No, he's right.
309
00:19:21,236 --> 00:19:24,420
I mixed a little vodka
in with my Blue Bronco.
310
00:19:25,587 --> 00:19:28,333
Does anybody else want
to ride the indigo pony!
311
00:19:28,506 --> 00:19:30,002
Is there extra credit in it?
312
00:19:30,166 --> 00:19:34,102
Oh, they're gonna eat you alive
at Cal Tech, boy.
313
00:19:34,235 --> 00:19:35,170
Alive!
314
00:19:36,957 --> 00:19:38,282
Oh, yeah!
315
00:19:38,556 --> 00:19:40,771
This place is a prison!
316
00:19:41,945 --> 00:19:43,773
All you kids are screwed!
317
00:19:45,098 --> 00:19:46,971
Kids and vodka!
318
00:19:51,228 --> 00:19:54,372
It's always the good ones
that go crazy the fastest.
319
00:19:54,496 --> 00:19:57,820
Get off me! You can get rid of me,
but you can't get rid of the truth, man!
320
00:19:57,986 --> 00:20:00,450
This school is
a glorified hamster wheel
321
00:20:00,586 --> 00:20:02,583
run by incompetent bureaucrats
322
00:20:02,718 --> 00:20:04,162
who can get you through a test,
323
00:20:04,295 --> 00:20:06,432
but you will fail the test of life!
324
00:20:06,558 --> 00:20:08,942
Children, fingers in your ears
and make the la-la sound.
325
00:20:09,068 --> 00:20:11,252
Every class is a joke.
326
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,162
English-- a joke,
homeroom-- a joke.
327
00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:14,973
Free period-- a joke.
328
00:20:15,098 --> 00:20:16,471
Nutritious
lunch-- a joke!
329
00:20:16,596 --> 00:20:18,812
Only alcohol can make life bearable.
330
00:20:18,938 --> 00:20:21,031
You must drink!
Always drink!
331
00:20:24,648 --> 00:20:27,392
Well, class, I've got
to say I'm glad to be back.
332
00:20:27,565 --> 00:20:29,463
- And there's no hard feelings?
- Nope.
333
00:20:29,586 --> 00:20:32,920
Now, everyone enjoy one
of my yummy muffins.
334
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,140
- But it's stale.
- Eat the muffin.
335
00:20:44,947 --> 00:20:46,643
A simple schoolteacher
336
00:20:46,775 --> 00:20:49,161
found fulfillment
and muffin-based revenge
337
00:20:49,337 --> 00:20:51,792
all thanks to... The Answer.
338
00:20:52,256 --> 00:20:54,121
Transcript :
Forom
339
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:56,970
Traduction :
Skualler, Robot, Strex & Job22
340
00:20:57,106 --> 00:20:59,723
Synchro : Robot & Job22
Relecture : Machintruc
341
00:20:59,845 --> 00:21:01,830
For Forom.com