♪ The Simpsons 24x07 ♪ The Day the Earth Stood Cool Original Air Date on December 9, 2012
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Bart, stop it!
You might fall.
Oh, he's such a cute little rascal.
Oh, my God, is she flirting with me?
I can see where he gets his good looks.
She is flirting with me!
Okay, Homer, let her down easy.
Don't go breaking any hearts.
What a lucky little boy to get a trip
to the park with his grandpa.
Grandpa?!
Oh, my God!
Should I call an ambulance?
Help! An old man is dying!
Oh! This boy's grandfather
is a shriveled-up corncob begging for death!
I am his father!
I can't believe I allowed you to hit on me!
Beat it, ducks!
I'm not old enough to have food for you!
I'm sexy! Young and sexy!
Old man. I'm not an old man.
This drawing doesn't think I'm old.
Don't you, drawing?
Those aren't our regular donuts.
They're huge! With crazy toppings!
Gummy worms!
Churro chunks!
Russian nesting donut!
I got to eat the rest!
They're gone!
Where did these Devil Donuts come from?
I don't know. The guy who gives
the sexual harassment seminars brought them in.
Actually, Carl, there's no workplace-appropriate use
for the word "bazooms."
What about "thunderbags"?
Get lost, pervs!
Okay, where did you get these donuts?!
From a guy with a cart. It could be anywhere!
911. What is your emergency?
I'm calling to report a missing donut cart.
I'm not seeing anything. Can you get any lower?
But, Chief, the power lines!
"But, Chief, the power lines."
Go lower!
Nope. Nope. Nothing.
Nope.
I see...
devil horns...
pitchfork... pointed tail,
hooves are... cloven!
We have logo, people!
We have logo!
Sorry, gents, we're fresh out.
I only make one batch a day. When they're gone, I'm done.
Oh, no more donuts?!
Make more or I shoot!
I'm not bluffing. Come on.
Hmm.
What have I become?
It's not a good feeling
when you're saying, "what have I become?"
more than once a day.
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Tell you what, I could give you
a sneak preview of a new donut
that's still in the R&D phase.
Oh. Beer keg donut?!
I would be honored
to shake the hand that glazed this.
I'm Terence.
Tell me everything about you.
You're from Portland?
I've heard of people being from there.
No, I haven't.
Yeah, but Portland just got too played out.
The city used to be real.
Do you know there are now restaurants there
with two locations?
Not near my kids.
Wait a minute. You have kids?
You can't have kids. Look at you.
You have a fun job, a skull ring--
and it's not Halloween--
and your belt is a seat belt!
No one would ever think you're a lame old man.
Ah, you can't let being a dad slow you down.
Me and the fam are doing the whole "urban nomad" thing.
You know, just looking for an undiscovered city
with affordable houses.
Our houses are the cheapest!
The one next to me's been on sale forever!
I see them lowering the price every morning
when I go out to pee.
Please. Please rush into this.
Please rush into this.
What a find!
Underneath all the ugly renovations
this house has Neutra bones.
In my house, we found human bones.
Emily and I have always dreamed
of restoring an architectural masterpiece.
I have a graduate degree in Mid-Century Kitsch.
Thanks for turning us on to this place, Homer.
You're a pretty cool guy.
Really? I'm... cool?!
Oh, can I man-hug you?
Sure.
I don't know how!
Okay, our first hangout
with the cool new neighbors.
I've already blown them away--
their words, I assume--
so don't screw it up!
Oh, relax, kids. Just be yourselves.
Oh, great, Marge, now that's in their heads!
Hey, this is my armadillo, Chewy.
Uh, Mexico Chewy, not Star Wars Chewie.
Star Wars Chewie is just a man in a costume,
so he's not scary.
And this is our baby, Corduroy,
and our son, T-Rex.
Yeah, neighbors. Heh, I get it.
T-Rex? Even their names are cool.
Uh, this is, um...
Ice Cream, Bungee Jump, and... Viral Video.
Wow! Whoa!
Cool.
Look at these obscure card games!
Hey, do you have Uno?
I did, when I was uno.
Check out all these Sergeant Activity dolls!
No, that's Combat Jack,
the original British doll
that Sergeant Activity ripped off.
Fine. You have a weird old version of something.
Let's just watch TV.
Uh, TV? We don't own a TV.
I didn't know that was an option.
I think I'm done here.
Lisa, go nuts.
My dad only lets me watch what's on his queue.
If I don't get off the Cloud Palace,
I'll never get home for school tomorrow,
but the Toad Spirit has Aunt Ginzee!
"Scientists prove cat heaven real,
human heaven not!"
That's so sad!
Those are joke headlines.
It's not a real newspaper,
it's just satire.
Oh... satire!
And these fake movie reviews are so mean,
it's hilarious!
Oh, those are real.
Great paper.
Maggie's a little hungry.
Oh, you can go ahead and feed her.
Corduroy could probably use a snack.
Hmm, that's not applesauce.
Oh, uh, you don't have to be uncomfortable
around another nursing mom.
Breast-feeding's just a healthy thing we all do.
It sure is!
There's nothing more natural than... that.
It's just that Maggie's already...
milked me today.
Homer, I think we should go.
We're not like these people.
Check out my new look.
Terence shaved my head.
You're all bald!
No, I'm young-person cool bald!
Not old-person sad bald.
I never want to see these again!
Check it out, Flanders!
Us cool dads are sharing a mono-yard!
Guess I can't be your best friend anymore.
To be honest, that comes as a tremendous relief.
Boo-hoo-hoo! You could cry all night,
it's not gonna win me back!
I can finally compost!
Maybe we shouldn't rush things with the new neighbors.
You know, we might not all be a perfect match.
I have a plan to deal with that.
Step one: Change everything about ourselves
until we are super-cool. The end.
But I always thought you were cool.
Honey, I'm not cool.
I was never cool.
I didn't go to college.
Every CD I have, I bought at a car wash.
Black-and-white films make me angry.
I can't pronounce "artisanal."
I only know David Cross from the Chipmunks movie.
Not only do I like Van Halen,
but I think they keep getting better.
Oh...
But if me and my kids do
the same stuff as Terence and his kids,
I could be a cool dad.
Well, sweetie, if it's that important to you,
I guess we can try.
Thanks, baby. Here, have a bracelet
made of a '70s educational film strip.
Ooh, hygiene!
♪ Yeah, it's a real cool club
♪ And you're not part of it
♪ Yeah, it's a real cool club
♪ And you'll never be a part of it. ♪
Your father took you to a Korean gangster film festival?
Yeah, it was great! This one guy was part
of another guy's gang-- I mean, kkangpae--
but then he quit and joined another kkangpae,
and when the guys in the first kkangpae found out,
they were so mad they put his feet in a blender!
Then they cut to a guy eating noodles, and blood splashed on him!
At the art walk, we walked into a gallery,
and it was just a guy crying.
That was the art!
The kids are a mess!
You brought them home exhausted and pretentious!
No, we need to take kids to grown-up stuff.
That's Terence's parenting style.
Parenting shouldn't have a style!
Parenting is about bedtimes,
and passwords on computers,
and complicated punishments
you never follow through on!
Are you wearing a wallet chain?
You look like... a barista!
Well, you won't be laughing when you see
how many pickpockets this thing catches.
And what's with the scarf?
It's soaked in neck sweat!
Wearing scarves in non-scarf weather
is the essence of cool.
The essence!
Ooh.
Aw, man, my goatee has barely come in!
Why does my hair only grow in twos?
Oh, I hope T-Rex likes the present I made him.
Made? Why didn't you just buy him a toy?
Homemade presents are how cool families
demonstrate how awesome they are.
If I show up with a toy...
from the store...
like we would give our kids...
then I've failed!
And these skinny jeans will have flattened my junk for nothing!
Geez, is this a kid's birthday party,
or the place a bad guy
kidnaps you to in a movie?
Yeah, this factory used to make blimp tires.
T-Rex loves decaying industrial-scapes.
I used to. Now I'm into
abandoned ethnic union halls.
Come on, dude, this party rocks!
Love the temporary- tattoo station!
Uh, temporary?
I want kitty whiskers!
You got it.
There's got to be a bounce house around here somewhere.
At least maybe a pinata?
Holy aureole!
Please, join our milk circle.
I'd love to,
but Maggie's a little shy.
Oh, don't worry-- you can use a nursing apron.
Play along.
Oh, this couldn't feel more natural.
Glug, glug, glug.
That's a good little mammal.
A bottle?!
Plastic!
Formula!
That is so wrong.
Fine, I admit it, you nipple Nazis.
I give my baby formula.
It's okay. If you don't want to breast-feed
your baby, we will.
Stay back.
You know I'll use this.
Because you saw me using it.
Huh, 1950s Pontiac Accordion Camera.
I could always use another one of these.
Bowling shoes.
Not vintage, but you know, in a pinch.
"Dino-Cool"
Oh, I get it-- a T-Rex for the T-Rex.
How long did it take him to think of that one?
Oh, man.
Hey, my dad worked really hard to make that.
He took a class to learn denim painting.
This is so pathetic.
I can't even wear it ironically ironically.
This guy's going on my "Poser Tumblr."
No one bad mouths my dad except me.
Hey, dude!
♪
My vinyl. My vinyl!
Your son attacked mine.
You've turned this former slaughterhouse
into a place of violence.
I thought it made blimp tires.
Yeah, like factories are never repurposed.
It's time for you guys to leave.
Are we still on for midnight bike riding?
Feeling included is life's greatest joy.
Oh...
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh-ho-ho, boy.
Oh-ho-ho, boy, oh, boy.
Have you been "oh boy"-ing all night?
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, boy.
We had the family version of a bro-mance going
with our awesome neighbors and you had to screw it up.
Look, that kid threw your present in the garbage,
and he called you a poser, and everyone laughed.
He called me a poser?
Yeah, I was sticking up for you.
You? Sticking up for your old man?
You've never done that before.
Also, I didn't want to tell you,
but that wife and her gang looked down on me
because I don't breast-feed.
What? No one judges my wife's thunderbags.
Well, maybe I was wrong about these people.
Whoever thought a cool person could be a jerk?
They can "goatee" hell.
Humph.
Yeah, that's right.
The friendship between the Simpsons
and the whatever-your- last-name-is-es-es is over.
I want my moustache stencils back.
Fine.
Keep 'em.
But you have to give back...
Lisa?
Mm-hmm.
I just thought
if we got together we could change
the channel from "The Feud Network"
to "Comity Central."
Could we at least agree to both hate Flanders?
I like him-- he talks in rhyme
and owns a whimsical store in a failing mall.
He's like the dad in a Wes Anderson movie.
Shut up with your names!
Well, we were just questioning the parenting
that lead to Bart not using his words with Tyrannosaurus.
Parenting?
Let me tell you "cool parents" something.
Parents are supposed to be lame so their kids have something
to rebel against by becoming cool just long enough
to get married and have kids for whom they are lame.
It's nature's way.
When you're old, your tattoos will be saggy and illegible.
Well, at least I don't put a corporate chemical cocktail
into my child's body.
See? See what I'm dealing with here, Ned?
We invited them here and they repay us
with insults and judgments.
Yes, but there's two sides to every...
Even Flanders agrees.
This is our neighborhood, we were here first
so you should leave.
We're not going anywhere.
Our house just got written up in Dwell.
Oh, no, it's true.
When I humble-brag about this article,
this towns about to get as popular as toe sneakers.
The "us"-types are coming.
Oh.
♪
Butts!
♪
Class, say hello to your new music teachers,
The Decemberists.
Now, who wants to learn a song
about press-gangs and infanticide?
Stupid town.
At least I still got Moe's.
Although probably not seeing where this is going.
What happened here?
I don't know-- everything crappy
about this place, they like.
Even the rats.
More manchego, Aziz?
Oh, Marge, it's bad.
The cool people are everywhere.
Somehow they've even made the weather rainier.
I brought these people to Springfield
and now they've taken over.
It's a hellhole.
Disco Stu has found a new thing.
What happened to our town?
Everybody wears clothes from the past
and uses computers from the future.
Where can I buy spats?
Apu's House of Spats.
Hey, better not attack me again.
My mom gave me a salvaged police whistle.
We had to replace the ball but everything else is stock.
Ah, relax, I'm over it.
Why aren't you at the block party?
Block parties are lame.
Why do you think everything's lame?
I don't know.
I don't get a lot of sleep.
I was out really late at an all-ages burlesque show.
Sorry I was mean to your dad.
That's okay-- he is pretty lame.
Hey, want to watch TV?
Real TV?
With commercials?
Terrible commercials.
But I'm supposed to turn the compost.
Screw that-- it's Krusty time.
♪
Okay, you win.
We don't have to be friends,
but can we live on the fringes of your world?
Like those eels that eat whale poop?
Yeah...
Um, we'll talk about it.
That's how we say no.
What's that smell?
Unturned compost and...
Cuban movie posters!
That's our house!
If the flames reach my donut oil,
the whole neighborhood will go up.
Hmm? Huh?
Damn it. The community garden's using all the water pressure!
You just had to have local radishes.
Not now, Emily.
Stop your trendy arguing.
I'm trying to call the fire department.
Sorry, our old-timey fire bell spooked the horses
and they ran away.
You're organic, all-natural lifestyle
has doomed us all!
Then to save us,
we need something incredibly unnatural!
50 gallons of baby formula will put out that blaze.
♪
Eh... yoik.
Yoik.
Double yoik.
♪
The net of scarves and wallet chains is holding!
They're necessary. They're necessary!
They're finally necessary!
♪
I'm sorry we judged you, Marge.
Your formula saved us all.
I guess I do feel a little bad
about not breast- feeding my kids.
Except Lisa.
I brest-fed Lisa for nine months.
♪
I did it, I did it,
I man-hugged!
Daddy, Daddy, I want to go to Krustyburger with Bart
and get a Laffy Meal!
'Cause each Laffy Meal comes with a different toy!
And I got to collect 'em all!
Check it out!
The New York Times travel section
just named Springfield "America's Coolest City."
See?
That means Springfield is played out.
Please! Please take me with you!
I am one of you!
I understood all your references!
No matter where you go,
I will find you!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Nuclear energy was a craft before it was a science.
I mean, what's wrong with the old ways?
When uranium came from a stream,
and atoms were split by hand,
then transformed into the kind of electricity
that illuminated not just our homes...
but our souls as well.
Who decided that the electrons we produce
can't stand for something greater?
Sure, handmade electricity costs more and powers less,
but maybe that's the point.
The adventure begins.
Shh.