1 00:00:45,842 --> 00:00:47,009 D'oh! 2 00:00:54,351 --> 00:00:57,851 ♪ The Simpsons 23x12 ♪ Moe Goes From Rags to Riches Original Air Date on January 29, 2012 3 00:00:57,876 --> 00:01:01,376 == sync, corrected by elderman == 4 00:01:34,889 --> 00:01:37,224 And that's why I really don't believe there's a God. 5 00:01:37,292 --> 00:01:39,476 Thank you, and God bless America. 6 00:01:39,544 --> 00:01:42,613 You were only supposed to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. 7 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,048 I'm pretty sure it was in there somewhere. 8 00:01:45,116 --> 00:01:48,569 Oh. Now, let me conclude by thanking Moe the bartender 9 00:01:48,636 --> 00:01:49,787 for hosting this meeting 10 00:01:49,871 --> 00:01:52,239 while City Hall is fumigated for bedbugs. 11 00:01:52,307 --> 00:01:53,574 Bedbugs? 12 00:01:53,641 --> 00:01:54,741 Just why is there a bed in City Hall? 13 00:01:56,211 --> 00:01:58,312 Er, uh, meeting adjourned! 14 00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:00,113 ♪ All night long 15 00:02:00,181 --> 00:02:01,815 ♪ All night ♪ 16 00:02:01,883 --> 00:02:03,350 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 17 00:02:03,418 --> 00:02:04,885 ♪ All night long 18 00:02:04,953 --> 00:02:06,303 ♪ All night ♪ 19 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:07,754 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 20 00:02:07,822 --> 00:02:09,089 ♪ All night long 21 00:02:09,157 --> 00:02:10,657 ♪ All night ♪ 22 00:02:10,725 --> 00:02:12,259 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 23 00:02:12,327 --> 00:02:13,811 ♪ All night long 24 00:02:13,878 --> 00:02:15,195 ♪ All night ♪ 25 00:02:15,263 --> 00:02:16,814 ♪ Unh! 26 00:02:16,881 --> 00:02:19,199 ♪ Everyone you meet 27 00:02:19,267 --> 00:02:21,318 ♪ They're jamming in the street ♪ ♪ All night ♪ 28 00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:23,437 ♪ All night long ♪ All night ♪ 29 00:02:23,505 --> 00:02:24,905 ♪ Yeah, I said... 30 00:02:26,074 --> 00:02:27,374 This is so convenient! 31 00:02:27,442 --> 00:02:29,393 I can go straight from doing my civic duty 32 00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:31,395 to having a beer with my best friend Carl. 33 00:02:31,462 --> 00:02:34,114 And I can toss back a Duff Sangre de los Muertos 34 00:02:34,182 --> 00:02:36,416 with my best friend: Mexican Duffman. 35 00:02:36,484 --> 00:02:37,951 Ho-la! 36 00:02:38,019 --> 00:02:39,987 Hey, Moe, who's your best friend? 37 00:02:40,054 --> 00:02:41,321 Uh... 38 00:02:41,389 --> 00:02:43,857 Well, uh... Well, I just made friends 39 00:02:43,925 --> 00:02:47,928 with Pepto-Bismol on Facebook, and, uh... um... 40 00:02:47,979 --> 00:02:50,914 Hey, would you look at that? There's a spot on the bar. 41 00:02:50,982 --> 00:02:52,749 Come on! 42 00:02:52,817 --> 00:02:54,852 You know what? 43 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:57,621 I think Moe's best friend is really that bar rag. 44 00:02:59,624 --> 00:03:02,259 That's even sadder than being friends with Milhouse! 45 00:03:02,327 --> 00:03:05,929 You know something, Bart? 46 00:03:05,997 --> 00:03:08,298 I'm getting tired of things like that. 47 00:03:08,366 --> 00:03:10,868 Tired of what? I dump on you, and you take it. 48 00:03:10,935 --> 00:03:12,502 That's how friendship works. 49 00:03:12,570 --> 00:03:15,556 Not anymore. Friendship over. 50 00:03:16,758 --> 00:03:18,692 Taxi! 51 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,178 What gives? He's not crawling back. 52 00:03:21,246 --> 00:03:25,782 Even a kid who wears a "Finding Nemo" back brace has some pride. 53 00:03:25,850 --> 00:03:28,902 You went too far this time, Bart. 54 00:03:28,970 --> 00:03:33,640 Hey, Moe! I got a job here for your "best friend," the bar rag. 55 00:03:33,708 --> 00:03:36,810 Me, too! 56 00:03:36,861 --> 00:03:39,246 Witty. 57 00:03:40,598 --> 00:03:41,782 Great meeting, though. 58 00:03:44,185 --> 00:03:48,205 Yes, that's right, everyone laugh at the rag. 59 00:03:48,289 --> 00:03:50,023 But I was not always 60 00:03:50,074 --> 00:03:52,576 this be-stainèd swatch you see before you. 61 00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:54,861 Oh, no, gentles. 62 00:03:54,913 --> 00:03:59,600 We begin in early medieval France... 63 00:04:04,222 --> 00:04:08,058 A young peasant wife struggles to feed her family... 64 00:04:08,126 --> 00:04:10,510 Maman, we are starving... 65 00:04:10,578 --> 00:04:13,130 Listen to the grumbling of our estomacs! 66 00:04:15,166 --> 00:04:17,000 That's not your estomacs! 67 00:04:17,068 --> 00:04:18,652 It's some men speaking French! 68 00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:24,274 Now, I have work to do. Complain to your papa. 69 00:04:24,359 --> 00:04:27,027 Papa? He is no help at all. 70 00:04:27,095 --> 00:04:29,830 Marguerite, I leave to fight in Flanders! 71 00:04:29,897 --> 00:04:32,466 Stupid Flanders. 72 00:04:36,337 --> 00:04:39,806 All tremble before the duc de Springfield! 73 00:04:39,874 --> 00:04:41,141 That's enough! 74 00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:43,043 Madame, I would like you 75 00:04:43,111 --> 00:04:45,646 to weave me a tapestry with the following images: 76 00:04:45,713 --> 00:04:47,214 Me healing the sick. 77 00:04:47,281 --> 00:04:48,582 Me killing the healthy. 78 00:04:48,650 --> 00:04:50,417 Me marrying my sister. 79 00:04:50,485 --> 00:04:51,952 A long winter where nothing happens. 80 00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:54,254 Me relaxing with friends. 81 00:04:54,322 --> 00:04:55,589 You know, the standard stuff. 82 00:04:55,657 --> 00:04:58,191 For this, I shall pay you two copper coins. 83 00:04:58,259 --> 00:05:00,160 You have 25 years to complete it. 84 00:05:00,228 --> 00:05:03,597 You may have one 15-minute déjeuner. 85 00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:13,090 Oh, these innocent creatures are blocking my path. 86 00:05:13,157 --> 00:05:15,292 I could walk six paces that way... 87 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,829 or I could kill them all right now! 88 00:05:18,913 --> 00:05:20,881 I am heartily sorry and confess all my sins. 89 00:05:20,948 --> 00:05:22,616 Absolved! 90 00:05:24,168 --> 00:05:25,585 Avancez! 91 00:05:25,636 --> 00:05:27,137 In their dying fury, 92 00:05:27,221 --> 00:05:32,225 those beasts began expelling demon wool. 93 00:05:32,293 --> 00:05:35,228 And the restless spirits of those murdered sheep 94 00:05:35,296 --> 00:05:39,066 compelled Marguerite to loom ceaselessly, 95 00:05:39,133 --> 00:05:42,235 even as her husband went off to fight 96 00:05:42,303 --> 00:05:46,673 again and again... 97 00:05:46,741 --> 00:05:49,476 and again. 98 00:05:59,704 --> 00:06:01,621 As the years went by, 99 00:06:01,672 --> 00:06:05,125 the images she loomed were not of the Duc, 100 00:06:05,176 --> 00:06:07,594 but rather depictions of the adventures 101 00:06:07,661 --> 00:06:12,032 that cloth would experience over the centuries. 102 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:14,568 Oh, and by the way... 103 00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:17,537 that tapestry was me. 104 00:06:17,605 --> 00:06:19,856 Right, and I was the Gutenberg Bible. 105 00:06:19,941 --> 00:06:22,008 Maman, we have failed to grow. 106 00:06:22,076 --> 00:06:24,111 We've had too little food! 107 00:06:24,178 --> 00:06:27,614 Is it too little food or too much complaining? 108 00:06:27,682 --> 00:06:30,951 Maman, you are overstressed. You need a vacation. 109 00:06:31,018 --> 00:06:32,686 Perhaps to the South of France. 110 00:06:32,754 --> 00:06:35,205 We're in the South of France! 111 00:06:35,289 --> 00:06:38,125 One day, as rosy-fingered Dawn 112 00:06:38,192 --> 00:06:41,495 wiped the morning gunk from her eyes, 113 00:06:41,546 --> 00:06:45,148 the Duc came to claim his infernal drapes. 114 00:06:45,216 --> 00:06:48,368 What an age for prosthetics we live in. 115 00:06:51,205 --> 00:06:53,140 Silence! I have reached my verdict. 116 00:06:53,207 --> 00:06:55,208 It's not what I expected. 117 00:06:56,511 --> 00:06:58,779 And yet... it's beautiful! 118 00:07:00,014 --> 00:07:01,281 But it's also not what I expected. 119 00:07:01,349 --> 00:07:03,350 Burn down their house! 120 00:07:10,274 --> 00:07:12,609 But Le Duc was about to be called home 121 00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:15,996 to the worst kind of hell: medieval hell. 122 00:07:25,873 --> 00:07:29,742 Hey, let's show some French courage and beat up the corpse! 123 00:07:31,579 --> 00:07:34,014 Come on, Ralphie, have a try. 124 00:07:35,566 --> 00:07:38,301 Oh! We're submitting that 125 00:07:38,369 --> 00:07:40,920 to France's Funniest Cave Paintings. 126 00:07:42,974 --> 00:07:45,475 Hm-hmm, mm-hm. 127 00:07:46,677 --> 00:07:48,912 Mm-hmm, hm. 128 00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:51,865 Even for a tapestry made of demon wool, 129 00:07:51,933 --> 00:07:53,950 this was hard to watch. 130 00:07:54,035 --> 00:07:56,369 I was moved to a magnificent cathedral 131 00:07:56,437 --> 00:07:58,371 and learned that tapestries 132 00:07:58,439 --> 00:08:00,540 were the rock stars of the Middle Ages. 133 00:08:02,176 --> 00:08:04,694 I had legions of what you now call groupies. 134 00:08:04,762 --> 00:08:06,513 It felt like the good times 135 00:08:06,581 --> 00:08:09,299 known as the Dark Ages would never end. 136 00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:13,270 But then cruel fate knocked upon the door... 137 00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:19,910 Guys, it ain't working-- the door's too strong. 138 00:08:24,899 --> 00:08:26,516 Go, Vikings. 139 00:08:28,536 --> 00:08:29,853 Ow! Stop it! 140 00:08:29,921 --> 00:08:31,771 You just broke your vow of silence. 141 00:08:31,839 --> 00:08:33,857 It wasn't a vow. I just didn't want to talk to you. 142 00:08:33,941 --> 00:08:35,742 Oh! 143 00:08:35,809 --> 00:08:37,811 This Viking stuff is too dangerous. 144 00:08:37,879 --> 00:08:40,547 I'm going to become a gentleman art thief. 145 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,218 Huh? 146 00:08:45,286 --> 00:08:46,553 Hmm, what the...? 147 00:08:48,723 --> 00:08:50,390 Spooky. 148 00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:53,410 Hmm... hmm. 149 00:08:53,477 --> 00:08:57,314 - That was the first time - I knew anguish and fear. 150 00:08:57,381 --> 00:09:02,018 Nothing will ever staunch the pain of that memory. 151 00:09:02,086 --> 00:09:05,739 Oh. Well, that helps. 152 00:09:07,666 --> 00:09:09,133 Milhouse! 153 00:09:09,371 --> 00:09:10,905 Milhouse! 154 00:09:11,587 --> 00:09:13,187 What do you-- 155 00:09:15,357 --> 00:09:16,190 Hmm? 156 00:09:20,262 --> 00:09:22,930 What is it, Bart? 157 00:09:22,998 --> 00:09:25,333 Listen, um... after our fight, I couldn't sleep. 158 00:09:25,401 --> 00:09:27,735 Well, I was doing fine. 159 00:09:27,803 --> 00:09:31,105 Warm glass of milk, some choice cuts from The Wriggles 160 00:09:31,173 --> 00:09:33,174 and I was out. 161 00:09:33,242 --> 00:09:36,110 Come on, man. At least listen to what I have to say. 162 00:09:36,178 --> 00:09:37,979 Okay... 163 00:09:38,047 --> 00:09:40,581 Um... well... 164 00:09:40,649 --> 00:09:43,951 this is usually the part where you say you're sorry. 165 00:09:44,019 --> 00:09:45,620 Bart, I'm not your puppet. 166 00:09:45,688 --> 00:09:48,306 I know, I made you into a real boy last week. 167 00:09:48,374 --> 00:09:50,141 And I'll always be grateful. 168 00:09:50,209 --> 00:09:52,677 But it's time you started treating me with respect. 169 00:09:55,647 --> 00:09:58,399 They're a tough pair, huh? 170 00:10:02,154 --> 00:10:04,055 If you let me in, I'll give you the Heimlich. 171 00:10:04,123 --> 00:10:05,323 Hm-mm. 172 00:10:06,692 --> 00:10:10,261 So to recap: I had been unjustly torn 173 00:10:10,329 --> 00:10:12,647 from my lofty perch. 174 00:10:12,715 --> 00:10:16,551 I wound up as a barter in Persia. 175 00:10:16,618 --> 00:10:17,952 You have taken our gold 176 00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:20,922 and jewels and given us this faded cloth?! 177 00:10:20,989 --> 00:10:23,624 That's right. And if anyone asked who swindled you, 178 00:10:23,692 --> 00:10:25,359 it was Christians. 179 00:10:25,427 --> 00:10:28,129 Christians. 180 00:10:30,466 --> 00:10:33,234 I found myself in the court of the young Persian king, 181 00:10:33,302 --> 00:10:35,737 a cruel king who demanded 182 00:10:35,804 --> 00:10:38,022 constant entertainment from his wives. 183 00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:39,390 ♪ 184 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,568 Eh. Throw her in the pit of boring wives. 185 00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:56,324 We never go out anymore. 186 00:10:56,391 --> 00:10:57,625 Are you even listening to me? 187 00:10:57,693 --> 00:10:58,960 My sister has a much bigger pit. 188 00:10:59,027 --> 00:11:03,214 Dude, you've already discarded, like, 500 wives. 189 00:11:03,282 --> 00:11:04,916 I think it's weird that you're counting. 190 00:11:04,983 --> 00:11:06,184 Send in the next one! 191 00:11:10,656 --> 00:11:13,157 Good evening, Your Majesty. 192 00:11:13,225 --> 00:11:16,627 May I tell you your slippers are as curly as everyone says? 193 00:11:18,831 --> 00:11:20,615 Eh, pit her. 194 00:11:20,682 --> 00:11:21,616 Wait, wait, wait! 195 00:11:21,683 --> 00:11:24,385 I can, uh, tell you a story! 196 00:11:24,453 --> 00:11:25,987 Cease your dragging! 197 00:11:27,389 --> 00:11:32,560 Uh... There once was a boy named Ali Baba. 198 00:11:32,628 --> 00:11:35,163 He and his elder brother Cassim 199 00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:36,731 were the sons of a merchant 200 00:11:36,799 --> 00:11:38,699 who traded in camels and spices and-- 201 00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:42,170 Okay, just a couple thoughts on your direction so far. 202 00:11:46,525 --> 00:11:48,392 One day, while out for a walk, 203 00:11:48,460 --> 00:11:51,295 Ali Baba was set upon by a thief. 204 00:11:52,631 --> 00:11:53,731 Make that two thieves! 205 00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:55,933 A million thieves! 206 00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:57,001 Too many. 207 00:11:57,069 --> 00:11:58,436 Forty thieves. 208 00:11:59,872 --> 00:12:02,940 With her inventiveness and wit, 209 00:12:03,008 --> 00:12:04,642 the clever wife entertained her king 210 00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:07,895 for a thousand and one nights. 211 00:12:07,963 --> 00:12:12,550 And while he slept, she freed her imprisoned compatriots. 212 00:12:20,192 --> 00:12:24,095 Uh, it was cooler in the pit. 213 00:12:29,318 --> 00:12:32,787 And that's how the camel got its hump. 214 00:12:32,855 --> 00:12:34,939 Another story! 215 00:12:35,007 --> 00:12:37,859 For once, couldn't you just take 216 00:12:37,926 --> 00:12:40,795 a few minutes to let the previous story sink in? 217 00:12:40,863 --> 00:12:43,297 You dare refuse your king? 218 00:12:43,365 --> 00:12:44,665 Guards! 219 00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:45,533 Uh-oh. 220 00:12:53,625 --> 00:12:56,744 My downward spiral continued. 221 00:13:08,407 --> 00:13:11,125 Only cowards use blindfolds. 222 00:13:11,176 --> 00:13:13,794 I didn't know you were doing that! 223 00:13:16,865 --> 00:13:20,017 I was unfit for even the most sordid uses. 224 00:13:20,102 --> 00:13:23,321 How's your neck, Your Lordship? No splinters or nuffin'? 225 00:13:23,388 --> 00:13:26,290 I fear the axe less than that filthy rag. 226 00:13:26,358 --> 00:13:28,926 You talk fancy now, but you'll twitch like the rest. 227 00:13:28,994 --> 00:13:30,361 All too true, I fear. 228 00:13:30,429 --> 00:13:32,063 Shut up! 229 00:13:32,130 --> 00:13:34,565 Your tongue is even sharper than your-- 230 00:13:34,633 --> 00:13:37,401 But then, at my lowest ebb, a moment of hope. 231 00:13:37,469 --> 00:13:40,871 I played a pivotal role in creating 232 00:13:40,939 --> 00:13:42,840 one of the masterpieces of Western art. 233 00:13:42,908 --> 00:13:44,775 Michelangelo! 234 00:13:44,843 --> 00:13:46,410 When will you be finished? 235 00:13:46,478 --> 00:13:48,946 Hey, you want a quickie? You go to Raphael, baby. 236 00:13:49,014 --> 00:13:50,481 The artist was never satisfied. 237 00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:55,603 How about now? Nope. 238 00:13:59,424 --> 00:14:01,492 That's perfect! 239 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,060 Now would you like to protect your investment 240 00:14:03,128 --> 00:14:04,562 with a clear coat? 241 00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:07,448 Hm, let me discuss it with my wife. 242 00:14:07,515 --> 00:14:10,451 The masterpiece was finished 243 00:14:10,519 --> 00:14:12,486 and so was the use for me. 244 00:14:12,554 --> 00:14:14,322 And then... 245 00:14:18,493 --> 00:14:21,862 You know, Moe, it might be time to buy a new bar rag. 246 00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,864 Yeah, yeah, sure thing. I'll get right on it. 247 00:14:23,932 --> 00:14:27,001 No way I would abandon you, Raggie. 248 00:14:27,069 --> 00:14:29,536 You're my best friend. 249 00:14:42,818 --> 00:14:45,252 So, I guess you didn't eat that "special cheese" 250 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,556 - that I gave you yesterday, huh? - Yeah. 251 00:14:57,801 --> 00:14:59,419 Oh, Milhouse, 252 00:14:59,486 --> 00:15:01,387 what do I have to do, besides changing in any way, 253 00:15:01,472 --> 00:15:03,172 to get you to forgive me? 254 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,426 Gee, Bart, you seem, uh-- how can I put it?-- 255 00:15:06,493 --> 00:15:08,328 Milhousey. 256 00:15:08,395 --> 00:15:10,697 Really? It's not that bad, is it? 257 00:15:10,764 --> 00:15:13,032 Bart, you'll never learn. 258 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:17,670 "Milhouse, you're the closest thing I have to a brother. 259 00:15:17,738 --> 00:15:20,707 "A brother with the wisdom of an older sister. 260 00:15:20,774 --> 00:15:24,510 "And that's why we squabble, 'cause families always do. 261 00:15:24,578 --> 00:15:26,946 "But in the end, they're still a family. 262 00:15:27,014 --> 00:15:29,415 What do you say... brother?" 263 00:15:29,483 --> 00:15:32,952 Not bad. Did Lisa write that? 264 00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,171 Yes, I did. Now I'm going to bed. 265 00:15:36,707 --> 00:15:39,942 I want something that comes from you, Bart. We're done here. 266 00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:41,094 But-but-but... 267 00:15:41,161 --> 00:15:43,496 The glasses are off! 268 00:15:50,187 --> 00:15:52,889 My degradation continued. 269 00:15:52,956 --> 00:15:55,024 An enterprising seamstress 270 00:15:55,092 --> 00:15:57,860 turned me into the flag of a fledgling nation. 271 00:15:57,911 --> 00:16:01,464 Unfortunately, a nation on the wrong side of history. 272 00:16:07,504 --> 00:16:10,690 - Like everyone else, I - was hit hard by the depression. 273 00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:12,008 What's for dinner, Ma? 274 00:16:12,075 --> 00:16:13,960 Rag soup! 275 00:16:18,882 --> 00:16:20,850 Needs flavor. 276 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,155 Mmm, that's better! 277 00:16:28,776 --> 00:16:30,276 I was part of an expedition 278 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:32,678 to the top of Mount Everest, 279 00:16:32,746 --> 00:16:36,199 one that had the distinction of failing un-heroically. 280 00:16:36,266 --> 00:16:38,734 Oxygen... 281 00:16:38,786 --> 00:16:41,571 I need oxygen! 282 00:16:41,622 --> 00:16:44,123 Come on, man. A few more balloons and this'll look really awesome. 283 00:16:44,191 --> 00:16:45,324 D'oh! 284 00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:48,127 Worst... climbing... Everest. 285 00:16:50,731 --> 00:16:52,715 A yeti found me 286 00:16:52,783 --> 00:16:55,384 and brought me home as a present to his son. 287 00:16:55,452 --> 00:16:57,320 Ah, ah! 288 00:16:57,387 --> 00:16:58,787 Mmm... 289 00:16:58,839 --> 00:17:03,876 And now my thousand-year fall from grace is complete. 290 00:17:03,944 --> 00:17:07,847 I guess I should be happy here, with my sad, but predictable... 291 00:17:07,915 --> 00:17:09,782 Moe! Moe! Wake up! 292 00:17:09,850 --> 00:17:12,752 Oh no, I don't want to find out what's worse than you! 293 00:17:16,180 --> 00:17:17,414 Milhouse! 294 00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:19,116 I've been out here all night, man. 295 00:17:19,183 --> 00:17:21,451 Just let me know what it'll take for you to forgive me. 296 00:17:21,519 --> 00:17:23,453 Can I punch you? Sure. 297 00:17:23,521 --> 00:17:25,222 Can I have someone else punch you? 298 00:17:25,289 --> 00:17:26,456 Sure. What've you got? 299 00:17:26,524 --> 00:17:28,225 Puppy Goo-Goo coming my way? 300 00:17:31,996 --> 00:17:33,296 Ay carumba! 301 00:17:35,433 --> 00:17:37,100 I'm glad it's over. 302 00:17:37,168 --> 00:17:40,003 I wasn't comfortable having the upper hand. 303 00:17:40,071 --> 00:17:43,106 From now on I'll dominate you in ways you don't realize. 304 00:17:43,174 --> 00:17:46,076 That's all I ever wanted. 305 00:17:46,144 --> 00:17:47,644 Where'd it go? Where'd it go? 306 00:17:47,712 --> 00:17:50,280 Hey, Chief Wiggum! Can you help me find my bar rag? 307 00:17:50,348 --> 00:17:53,383 I can't even find my car in the parking lot at the mall. 308 00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:56,953 There was half a kilo of heroin and two suspects inside. 309 00:17:57,021 --> 00:17:59,089 Hey! Hey! 310 00:17:59,156 --> 00:18:01,458 Can you throw me my house key? Please! 311 00:18:01,509 --> 00:18:03,293 It's got a green thingy on it! 312 00:18:03,344 --> 00:18:04,311 Stop! 313 00:18:04,378 --> 00:18:05,395 Ooh! 314 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,198 Hey, there's some Pringles in here. 315 00:18:08,266 --> 00:18:11,268 Nope. Tear gas. 316 00:18:12,803 --> 00:18:15,972 Haven't forgotten about your rag, Moe! 317 00:18:16,023 --> 00:18:18,358 I'm in hell, I'm in hell, I'm in hell, 318 00:18:18,442 --> 00:18:20,227 I'm in hell... 319 00:18:24,599 --> 00:18:27,534 Perhaps one of you garments 320 00:18:27,602 --> 00:18:29,336 would like to narrate for a while. 321 00:18:29,403 --> 00:18:31,438 Men's extra large underwear? 322 00:18:31,506 --> 00:18:33,507 I'm saving my strength. 323 00:18:33,574 --> 00:18:35,976 He's going bike riding today. 324 00:18:38,212 --> 00:18:39,746 Come on in! 325 00:18:43,601 --> 00:18:45,202 You've got my rag! But how? 326 00:18:45,269 --> 00:18:46,970 Well, during the town meeting, 327 00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:48,838 which now seems like years ago, 328 00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:51,374 I forgot my purse at your bar. 329 00:18:51,442 --> 00:18:53,810 And when I came back to get it, 330 00:18:53,878 --> 00:18:56,179 I saw how much you love that rag. 331 00:18:56,230 --> 00:18:59,766 Num-num-num-num-num-num. 332 00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:02,202 It seemed a little "ripe," 333 00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:04,304 so I brought it home to clean it for you. 334 00:19:04,372 --> 00:19:05,605 Thanks, Marge. 335 00:19:05,673 --> 00:19:08,441 That rag is my only friend in the world. 336 00:19:08,509 --> 00:19:10,594 Well, that's not true! 337 00:19:10,661 --> 00:19:12,895 Everyone in this family is your friend. 338 00:19:12,947 --> 00:19:14,864 Your bar is the closest thing this town has 339 00:19:14,932 --> 00:19:17,067 to an Algonquin roundtable. 340 00:19:17,134 --> 00:19:20,370 What about that Round Table Pizza run by that Algonquin guy? 341 00:19:20,421 --> 00:19:22,822 Yeah, yeah, okay, second closest. 342 00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:25,508 So you's all like me? Even you, maestro? 343 00:19:25,576 --> 00:19:26,710 Milhouse. 344 00:19:26,761 --> 00:19:27,911 Yeah, I, I knew it was something stupid. 345 00:19:27,979 --> 00:19:30,614 Well, thanks, everybody. 346 00:19:30,681 --> 00:19:33,550 I... I'm always gonna remember today as the day 347 00:19:33,618 --> 00:19:36,052 that I learned to open my heart to human beings 348 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,388 and not old pieces of cloth. 349 00:19:38,456 --> 00:19:42,925 Ha, crazy me, Thinking I needed a rag for a friend. 350 00:19:47,615 --> 00:19:50,000 So, this is how it ends. 351 00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:53,069 The once magnificent tapestry tossed aside 352 00:19:53,137 --> 00:19:55,839 yet again like a common Kleenex. 353 00:19:55,906 --> 00:19:57,924 Good-bye, cruel... What the...? 354 00:20:02,913 --> 00:20:04,547 In all my years, 355 00:20:04,615 --> 00:20:07,917 this is a love like I have never felt. 356 00:20:07,985 --> 00:20:10,670 Sweet, pure and forever. 357 00:20:19,463 --> 00:20:22,232 Well, all marriages have their ups and downs. 358 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:26,300 == sync, corrected by elderman ==