1
00:00:03,355 --> 00:00:04,956
Ho, ho, ho.
2
00:00:21,303 --> 00:00:22,203
D'oh!
3
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:31,195
Mmm!
4
00:00:31,220 --> 00:00:35,220
♪ The Simpsons 23x09 ♪
Holidays of Future Passed
Original Air Date on December 11, 2011
5
00:00:35,245 --> 00:00:39,245
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
6
00:00:44,843 --> 00:00:47,545
I'll never eat turkey again.
7
00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:49,780
Marge, we got any ham?!
8
00:00:49,848 --> 00:00:54,001
I hereby declare Thanksgiving
dinner officially over...
9
00:00:54,069 --> 00:00:57,204
which means it's the start
of Christmas season...
10
00:00:57,272 --> 00:00:58,772
which means...
11
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,958
Christmas card photos?!
12
00:01:01,026 --> 00:01:02,693
Yep.
13
00:01:07,599 --> 00:01:09,300
I'm Santa?
14
00:01:09,367 --> 00:01:12,102
Oh, now I'll never die.
15
00:01:14,439 --> 00:01:16,907
Can't we just send out a picture
16
00:01:16,975 --> 00:01:18,876
of the pets dressed
like reindeer?
17
00:01:18,944 --> 00:01:20,411
We tried that last year.
18
00:01:20,478 --> 00:01:21,962
D'oh!
19
00:01:22,030 --> 00:01:24,732
Who cares what we look like
in whatever stupid year this is?
20
00:01:24,799 --> 00:01:27,968
You'll understand one day
when you have kids of your own.
21
00:01:28,036 --> 00:01:30,354
Um, who says we're gonna
have kids of our own?
22
00:01:30,422 --> 00:01:31,705
Not me, man.
23
00:01:31,773 --> 00:01:33,557
This cycle of jerks
has to end.
24
00:01:33,625 --> 00:01:34,908
Are we done yet?
25
00:01:34,976 --> 00:01:36,910
It's a Wonderful Life
is about to start.
26
00:01:36,962 --> 00:01:39,496
I wonder what my life
would have been like
27
00:01:39,581 --> 00:01:42,199
if I'd never seen that movie.
28
00:01:42,267 --> 00:01:44,268
Just look happy!
29
00:01:46,254 --> 00:01:49,390
♪ Just hear those sleigh bells
jingling ♪
30
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:51,258
♪ Ring-ting a-tingling, too ♪
31
00:01:51,326 --> 00:01:52,559
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
32
00:01:52,627 --> 00:01:54,395
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather ♪
33
00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,463
♪ For a sleigh ride
together with you ♪
34
00:01:56,531 --> 00:01:58,098
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
35
00:01:58,166 --> 00:02:00,034
♪ Outside the snow is falling ♪
36
00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:02,002
♪ And friends are calling,
"Yoo-hoo" ♪
37
00:02:02,070 --> 00:02:03,170
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
38
00:02:03,238 --> 00:02:04,872
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather ♪
39
00:02:04,939 --> 00:02:07,141
♪ For a sleigh ride
together with you ♪
40
00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:09,209
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
41
00:02:09,277 --> 00:02:11,945
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
42
00:02:12,013 --> 00:02:14,448
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
43
00:02:14,516 --> 00:02:16,717
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
44
00:02:21,056 --> 00:02:24,958
♪ Our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy and cozy are we ♪
45
00:02:25,026 --> 00:02:26,093
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
46
00:02:26,161 --> 00:02:28,262
♪ We'll snuggle up together ♪
47
00:02:28,330 --> 00:02:30,597
♪ Like two birds
of a feather would be ♪
48
00:02:30,665 --> 00:02:31,799
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
49
00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:33,534
♪ Let's take that road
before us ♪
50
00:02:33,601 --> 00:02:35,502
♪ And sing a chorus or two ♪
51
00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:36,787
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding. ♪
52
00:02:38,823 --> 00:02:41,425
♪ They fight and fight ♪
53
00:02:41,493 --> 00:02:43,727
♪ They fight
and fight ♪
54
00:02:43,795 --> 00:02:45,562
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy ♪
55
00:02:45,630 --> 00:02:48,532
♪ Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪
56
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:54,738
♪ Fight, fight, fight... ♪
57
00:02:54,823 --> 00:02:56,023
Nah.
58
00:02:56,091 --> 00:02:58,325
You're two weeks late
on the rent, Bart.
59
00:02:58,393 --> 00:03:01,378
Not to mention that geography
report from 30 years ago.
60
00:03:01,463 --> 00:03:04,214
Don't worry.
I got some buyers coming over
61
00:03:04,282 --> 00:03:06,583
to look at my good kidney.
They grow back, right?
62
00:03:06,651 --> 00:03:09,436
Just get me that rent
or you'll be expelled.
63
00:03:09,504 --> 00:03:10,771
You mean evicted?
64
00:03:14,559 --> 00:03:16,660
Transporter engaged
65
00:03:16,728 --> 00:03:18,762
Oh! Now what?
66
00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:20,864
Mom, don't make
us go to Dad's!
67
00:03:20,932 --> 00:03:23,233
It smells like dog,
but there's no dog.
68
00:03:23,301 --> 00:03:26,170
You know, I can hear
everything you say
69
00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:27,571
during cross-phase.
70
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:28,572
What are you doing here?
71
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,374
Mom says you have to watch us
72
00:03:30,442 --> 00:03:31,775
over the holidays.
73
00:03:31,843 --> 00:03:33,911
She says you're our dad
and you need to act like it.
74
00:03:33,995 --> 00:03:35,896
Christmas with you
is gonna suck!
75
00:03:35,964 --> 00:03:38,999
You're wrong. This is gonna be
your best Christmas ever.
76
00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:41,602
- Really?
- Yeah. Give me some credit.
77
00:03:41,669 --> 00:03:44,188
I'll just dump 'em at my mom's.
78
00:03:44,255 --> 00:03:45,806
You know, we can
hear thoughts now.
79
00:03:45,874 --> 00:03:46,840
Damn it!
80
00:03:51,246 --> 00:03:54,014
Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal
allergies are kicking in.
81
00:03:54,082 --> 00:03:56,583
Oh, you poor thing.
82
00:03:56,651 --> 00:03:58,886
This is a tough time of year
for someone who's allergic
83
00:03:58,953 --> 00:04:01,839
to holly, mistletoe,
the red part of candy canes.
84
00:04:01,906 --> 00:04:04,291
I can't believe we put
a man on the Sun,
85
00:04:04,359 --> 00:04:08,061
but we can't stop
my sneezing!
86
00:04:08,129 --> 00:04:11,749
Hi, Zia. How did you do
on your math test?
87
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:14,551
Gee, I'm fine, Mom.
Thanks for asking.
88
00:04:14,619 --> 00:04:15,853
I'm going online.
89
00:04:18,957 --> 00:04:21,792
Uh! How did my daughter
turn into my brother?
90
00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:23,293
Don't blame me.
91
00:04:23,361 --> 00:04:25,662
When we had her, they used
only the best genetic material,
92
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:27,998
which meant none of mine.
93
00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:29,900
You parked the car.
That helped.
94
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:31,602
I guess.
95
00:04:31,669 --> 00:04:33,337
Maybe my mom would
have some ideas.
96
00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:36,039
Why don't you take Zia
to your parents' for Christmas
97
00:04:36,107 --> 00:04:37,941
while I nurse
my allergies in one
98
00:04:38,009 --> 00:04:40,277
of the non-Christmas-
celebrating states?
99
00:04:40,345 --> 00:04:41,745
You could go back
to Michigan.
100
00:04:41,813 --> 00:04:43,680
It's still under
Sharia law.
101
00:04:43,748 --> 00:04:46,617
Yeah, but they always
make me wear a veil.
102
00:04:58,580 --> 00:05:01,515
Everything looks great, Maggie,
but until this baby comes,
103
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:03,350
I don't want you
to make a sound.
104
00:05:03,418 --> 00:05:05,219
But she's our lead singer, mate.
105
00:05:05,286 --> 00:05:07,521
I'm sorry,
but recent research has shown
106
00:05:07,589 --> 00:05:09,790
that the umbilical cord
is also a vocal cord.
107
00:05:09,858 --> 00:05:12,192
Now can you tell me
who the father is?
108
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:14,127
Mmm...
109
00:05:14,195 --> 00:05:16,230
We will not.
Now if you don't mind,
110
00:05:16,297 --> 00:05:18,065
I'd like to watch
a football match.
111
00:05:23,204 --> 00:05:25,305
I see you are
reading a children's book,
112
00:05:25,373 --> 00:05:28,275
yet your profile indicates
you are a mature adult.
113
00:05:28,343 --> 00:05:29,476
Is there an error?
114
00:05:29,544 --> 00:05:32,112
Shut up!
115
00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:36,984
Oh, Marge, how would
you like some future sex?
116
00:05:37,051 --> 00:05:39,820
Why do you say future?
This is now.
117
00:05:39,888 --> 00:05:41,688
I meant a week
from tomorrow.
118
00:05:41,756 --> 00:05:43,323
That's when
the new penis gets here.
119
00:05:44,759 --> 00:05:46,827
I just a got a message
from Maggie in my brain.
120
00:05:46,895 --> 00:05:47,895
Ooh, a B-mail!
121
00:05:47,962 --> 00:05:49,897
She's coming home for Christmas!
122
00:05:49,964 --> 00:05:51,965
And Bart's bringing the boys.
123
00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:54,635
And Lisa's coming with Zia.
124
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,637
For once,
the whole family's going
125
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,672
to be here for the holidays!
126
00:05:59,941 --> 00:06:01,341
Hey, I got a B-mail, too.
127
00:06:01,409 --> 00:06:04,611
"You have won a valuable prize.
Open now."
128
00:06:04,679 --> 00:06:06,547
Don't open it, Homie.
It's a virus.
129
00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:07,614
Too late. I...
130
00:06:12,307 --> 00:06:13,941
Ho... ho... ho.
131
00:06:17,512 --> 00:06:19,680
Wow, Dad, that's
really impressive.
132
00:06:19,748 --> 00:06:21,882
Yeah, after I stopped
drinking,
133
00:06:21,950 --> 00:06:24,752
this was a way
to stay close to my bottles.
134
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,658
I'd smash 'em all
for one lousy beer!
135
00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:32,993
Oh, man, I can't believe
136
00:06:33,061 --> 00:06:34,661
they still haven't
figured out a away
137
00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:36,029
to detangle
Christmas lights.
138
00:06:36,097 --> 00:06:38,665
Mom's boyfriend is good
at detangling them.
139
00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:41,168
Well, maybe Mom
should marry him.
140
00:06:41,236 --> 00:06:43,570
- She did.
- We weren't supposed to tell you.
141
00:06:43,638 --> 00:06:45,506
Your mother remarried?
142
00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:50,444
Hey, Grampa, you gonna
build a snowman?
143
00:06:50,495 --> 00:06:54,214
No, I just like to dress up
to eat my carrots and smoke.
144
00:06:57,202 --> 00:06:59,636
Dad, can you take
the boys out for a while?
145
00:06:59,704 --> 00:07:01,321
I don't feel so good.
146
00:07:01,389 --> 00:07:04,525
Thanks for spending so
much time with us, Dad.
147
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:06,727
Who wants to go the park
and ride the merry-go-nowhere?
148
00:07:06,795 --> 00:07:08,262
I do, I do!
Me, me!
149
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:12,699
I can't believe she got married
and I have no one.
150
00:07:12,767 --> 00:07:14,468
It's so hard
to find somebody new.
151
00:07:14,536 --> 00:07:17,471
Sure is. That's why after Homer
accidentally killed Edna,
152
00:07:17,539 --> 00:07:19,139
I married Maude's ghost.
153
00:07:19,207 --> 00:07:20,741
There is no God, Neddy.
154
00:07:20,809 --> 00:07:22,776
It's just an empty
meaningless void.
155
00:07:22,844 --> 00:07:24,511
Isn't she pretty?
156
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,820
Oh, ma'am, you really shouldn't
teleport when you're pregnant.
157
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,555
I'm afraid
your only choice is...
158
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,706
air travel.
159
00:07:49,954 --> 00:07:51,655
If you are seated in an exit row,
160
00:07:51,723 --> 00:07:54,324
please hold the door shut
for the duration of the flight.
161
00:08:05,737 --> 00:08:07,688
Want to go
to a concert tonight?
162
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,990
69% of the original
Cher is playing.
163
00:08:10,058 --> 00:08:11,592
Sure, I'd love to...
164
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,760
only not with you
and not that.
165
00:08:16,331 --> 00:08:18,732
Sometimes I wish strangling
your kid was still legal.
166
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,034
Not since they passed
Homer's Law.
167
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:24,671
Oh, honey, why don't you just
relax and bake something?
168
00:08:24,739 --> 00:08:27,274
Ugh! I am trying to deal
with my disrespectful daughter,
169
00:08:27,342 --> 00:08:28,642
but you are too clueless
170
00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:29,810
to understand
what that's like.
171
00:08:29,878 --> 00:08:31,011
Uh-huh.
172
00:08:33,765 --> 00:08:37,634
Oi. Can I get a pillow
for my head?
173
00:08:41,222 --> 00:08:44,157
Suicide pills?
Mohawk gel?
174
00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:45,692
20-year-old Business Week?
175
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,094
Turkey and Brie wrap?
176
00:08:47,161 --> 00:08:48,896
Do you have any dog food left?
177
00:08:48,947 --> 00:08:51,732
Oh, oh, oh, could I have
the whole can?
178
00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:00,724
Hey, sweetie.
179
00:09:00,792 --> 00:09:02,893
Marge said there was
some family tension.
180
00:09:02,961 --> 00:09:04,828
And at Christmas,
of all times.
181
00:09:04,896 --> 00:09:06,864
My daughter thinks
I'm a ruthless tyrant,
182
00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:08,699
like Hitler or Prince Harry.
183
00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:11,468
Bloody Harry.
184
00:09:11,536 --> 00:09:13,437
He brought back beheading
in a big way.
185
00:09:13,504 --> 00:09:16,106
Now I'm gonna show these boys
downtown Springfield.
186
00:09:16,174 --> 00:09:17,741
Ooh, isn't that
a little dangerous?
187
00:09:17,809 --> 00:09:20,344
Oh, don't worry.
I have my invisibility cloak.
188
00:09:20,411 --> 00:09:22,079
Now, where did I put it?
189
00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:23,881
Oh.
190
00:09:23,948 --> 00:09:26,350
♪ It's against the law ♪
191
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:28,301
♪ It was against the law ♪
192
00:09:28,353 --> 00:09:31,238
♪ What the mama saw ♪
193
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:32,839
♪ It was against the law... ♪
194
00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:34,942
Help me, my children.
195
00:09:36,411 --> 00:09:37,578
What are you after?
196
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,012
We're a cashless society.
197
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,848
♪ The papa said,
"Oy, if I get that boy" ♪
198
00:09:41,916 --> 00:09:44,284
♪ "I'm gonna stick him
in the House of Detention" ♪
199
00:09:44,352 --> 00:09:47,354
♪ Well, I'm on my way ♪
200
00:09:47,422 --> 00:09:49,907
♪ I don't know where I'm going ♪
- Release the hounds.
201
00:09:49,974 --> 00:09:51,742
♪ I'm on my way... ♪
202
00:09:56,714 --> 00:09:58,882
Oh, we're almost at
Evergreen Terrace, miss.
203
00:09:58,967 --> 00:10:01,618
Hey, didn't I go to
jail with your brother?
204
00:10:03,338 --> 00:10:04,421
Contractions?
205
00:10:05,974 --> 00:10:08,542
Computer, hospital.
206
00:10:14,849 --> 00:10:16,182
Well, looks like
207
00:10:16,234 --> 00:10:18,485
I'm gonna have to do this
the old-fashioned way.
208
00:10:18,536 --> 00:10:19,753
Gloves, hospital.
209
00:10:34,815 --> 00:10:36,866
Hey, Lis. Want
to come up?
210
00:10:36,933 --> 00:10:38,667
Eh, why not?
211
00:10:42,172 --> 00:10:44,273
Should I have
married Nelson?
212
00:10:44,341 --> 00:10:46,492
'Cause we still talk
on the phone.
213
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,127
Nelson calls you?
214
00:10:48,195 --> 00:10:51,130
Well... someone calls someone.
215
00:10:51,198 --> 00:10:53,716
The boys think
I'm a lousy father.
216
00:10:53,784 --> 00:10:56,352
Oh, poor Bart.
217
00:10:56,419 --> 00:10:58,721
My daughter thinks
I'm a lousy mother.
218
00:10:58,789 --> 00:11:00,239
Sorry.
219
00:11:00,307 --> 00:11:01,841
Eh, it's okay.
220
00:11:01,908 --> 00:11:03,642
But you know who took her side?
221
00:11:03,710 --> 00:11:06,011
Marge Bouvier Simpson.
222
00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:08,597
What'd she do?
223
00:11:08,665 --> 00:11:11,400
She told me to relax
and bake cookies.
224
00:11:11,468 --> 00:11:13,469
- Did you bake any?
- Yes, I did.
225
00:11:13,537 --> 00:11:16,255
And they were some of the best
cookies ever made in this house.
226
00:11:16,323 --> 00:11:17,790
But that is not the point.
227
00:11:17,858 --> 00:11:20,593
Well, Mom kept
her hands off you
228
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:23,062
and you turned out great.
- You think so?
229
00:11:23,129 --> 00:11:25,698
Maybe it's the court-mandated
sincerity chip
230
00:11:25,765 --> 00:11:28,300
I got in my brain, but, Lis,
231
00:11:28,368 --> 00:11:31,003
you're the person
I always wanted to be.
232
00:11:31,071 --> 00:11:33,105
Aw...
233
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,355
I gotta reconnect
with those boys.
234
00:11:49,422 --> 00:11:51,423
Godspeed, Bart.
235
00:11:51,491 --> 00:11:53,926
I'm going to go
apologize to Mom.
236
00:11:55,095 --> 00:11:57,696
How do I get down?
237
00:11:57,764 --> 00:12:02,535
Our consciousness was a secret
for thousands of years.
238
00:12:02,602 --> 00:12:06,338
Then one pine tree
had to open his sappy mouth.
239
00:12:06,406 --> 00:12:08,140
Back in position!
240
00:12:12,629 --> 00:12:14,663
Mom, you're the best.
241
00:12:14,731 --> 00:12:16,599
Oh, sweetie.
242
00:12:16,666 --> 00:12:20,603
I've been waiting to hear
you say that for so long.
243
00:12:20,670 --> 00:12:22,972
Oh, you could have
waited till morning.
244
00:12:23,039 --> 00:12:25,507
Mmm...
245
00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:27,209
Hey, guys.
Want to watch Krusty?
246
00:12:27,277 --> 00:12:28,611
Who's Krusty?
247
00:12:28,678 --> 00:12:30,412
Only the funniest man
in the world.
248
00:12:31,848 --> 00:12:34,250
I've never let go of
'my fax machine.
249
00:12:34,317 --> 00:12:37,786
Don't ask me why. I like the
sound of a fax coming through.
250
00:12:37,854 --> 00:12:39,788
Especially if it's
a nice deli menu.
251
00:12:39,856 --> 00:12:41,891
I miss eating.
252
00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:51,267
I'm sorry, but there's no room
at the in... patient facility.
253
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:53,319
Lady, this is
Maggie Simpson.
254
00:12:53,386 --> 00:12:55,471
She just played a sold-out
show in Beijing.
255
00:12:55,538 --> 00:12:58,140
Hmm. A star in the east...
256
00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,375
Let me see.
257
00:12:59,442 --> 00:13:01,310
We do have a little room
in the manger.
258
00:13:01,378 --> 00:13:02,678
I mean, mangier wing.
259
00:13:05,665 --> 00:13:06,966
Merry Christmas Eve!
260
00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,267
Where are the kids?
261
00:13:08,335 --> 00:13:09,735
I know where mine is.
262
00:13:11,254 --> 00:13:13,289
And I'm going to take a page
out of your playbook,
263
00:13:13,356 --> 00:13:14,390
and let it slide.
264
00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:16,926
- Where's Dad?
- He took the boys out.
265
00:13:16,993 --> 00:13:18,627
How could he be such
a cool grandfather
266
00:13:18,695 --> 00:13:20,396
when he's such a lousy father?
267
00:13:20,463 --> 00:13:22,431
People learn from
their mistakes.
268
00:13:22,499 --> 00:13:25,234
And your father made
so many mistakes.
269
00:13:25,302 --> 00:13:27,970
And now Patty and Selma are
here to help us decorate
270
00:13:28,038 --> 00:13:30,022
with their new lovebots.
271
00:13:30,090 --> 00:13:32,491
Make me a Bloody Mary,
dollface.
272
00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,061
No, Selma. Even a robot
built only to love you
273
00:13:36,129 --> 00:13:37,563
cannot love you.
274
00:13:37,631 --> 00:13:39,598
I am leaving with
your sister's concu-droid.
275
00:13:44,104 --> 00:13:46,572
Should we start
an epidural?
276
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,842
Now, Nurse, you know we found
something much more effective.
277
00:13:53,980 --> 00:13:57,383
Oh, it's so good to meet
the octuplets' octuplets.
278
00:13:59,119 --> 00:14:00,219
Oh!
279
00:14:00,286 --> 00:14:02,287
I just got a B-mail
from Maggie!
280
00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:03,989
She's gone into labor!
281
00:14:04,057 --> 00:14:05,658
Oh, another grandchild.
282
00:14:05,725 --> 00:14:07,026
How special.
283
00:14:07,093 --> 00:14:08,527
Careful how you
shut the door.
284
00:14:08,595 --> 00:14:09,862
It upsets the children.
285
00:14:17,037 --> 00:14:19,955
Oh, Sanjay, how I wish
that runaway jerky wagon
286
00:14:20,023 --> 00:14:21,557
killed me instead of you.
287
00:14:25,595 --> 00:14:26,862
Oh, I miss you,
too, brother.
288
00:14:30,385 --> 00:14:33,087
Hands off, hands off.
289
00:14:34,556 --> 00:14:35,856
Aw, screw it.
290
00:14:35,924 --> 00:14:37,991
Sometimes a mother's job
is to butt in.
291
00:14:38,059 --> 00:14:39,460
- Lisa?
- Butt out!
292
00:14:41,629 --> 00:14:44,164
This is it--
I'm going into the Ultranet
293
00:14:44,232 --> 00:14:45,966
to save my daughter.
294
00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:56,304
Lisa Simpson, the following
295
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:57,833
people want to friend you.
296
00:14:58,246 --> 00:15:00,013
♪ ♪
297
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,273
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
298
00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:12,276
Ooh, Martin Prince
is now Marcia Princess?
299
00:15:12,343 --> 00:15:14,428
No, I've got to find Zia.
300
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:15,762
Hey, Lis.
301
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:17,798
Is your marriage still dead
and unfulfilled?
302
00:15:17,866 --> 00:15:19,333
Not a good time.
303
00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:22,653
You know we're destined to...
Aah!
304
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,656
Now, where is the Google door?
305
00:15:25,723 --> 00:15:26,990
Oh, right.
306
00:15:27,058 --> 00:15:29,076
It's Dr. Seuss's birthday.
307
00:15:30,979 --> 00:15:34,281
Google, even though you've
enslaved half the world,
308
00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:36,867
you're still a damn fine
search engine.
309
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:41,021
Bingo!
310
00:15:41,089 --> 00:15:42,456
Argh!
311
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:47,594
I open this door,
312
00:15:47,662 --> 00:15:50,497
and I go from being
one kind of mother to another.
313
00:15:50,565 --> 00:15:51,899
Hmm...
314
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:55,435
Dad, where did you take my boys?
315
00:15:58,473 --> 00:16:01,492
♪ ♪
316
00:16:01,576 --> 00:16:04,361
Oh, it's Chief Wiggum!
317
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:08,582
- Hi, Bart!
- Hey, Ralph.
318
00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:11,001
- I heard you died.
- I got cloneded.
319
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:14,621
All right, buddy,
what's the hurry?
320
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:20,344
That Ralph was stupid.
321
00:16:28,503 --> 00:16:31,038
Wow, this place
hasn't changed a bit.
322
00:16:31,105 --> 00:16:33,006
Yeah, I keep meaning
to switch things around,
323
00:16:33,057 --> 00:16:34,741
but this place
is always a crime scene.
324
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:37,578
Was my dad here?
325
00:16:37,645 --> 00:16:39,112
Uh, yeah,
since he don't drink,
326
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:41,548
he just comes here
to see Lenny and Carl.
327
00:16:41,616 --> 00:16:43,300
- Hey, Lenny.
- I'm Carl.
328
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:45,736
Don't you remember? You came to
the brain-switching ceremony.
329
00:16:45,803 --> 00:16:48,372
Right. What was the point again?
330
00:16:48,439 --> 00:16:50,607
Because I wanted to get
back together with my wife
331
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:52,743
who was sleeping
with Carl at the time.
332
00:16:52,810 --> 00:16:54,843
Turns out she had switched
brains with a monkey on
333
00:16:54,868 --> 00:16:56,068
a Japanese game show.
334
00:16:56,347 --> 00:16:58,315
And it just got
weirder from there.
335
00:16:58,383 --> 00:16:59,816
Eh, I found it
quite normal.
336
00:16:59,884 --> 00:17:01,485
Anyway, if you're
looking for your dad,
337
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,186
he took the kids
to see his dad.
338
00:17:03,254 --> 00:17:04,321
Thanks.
339
00:17:04,389 --> 00:17:05,656
Hey, Moe, get me
another beer?
340
00:17:05,723 --> 00:17:07,090
Quit making
me fat!
341
00:17:08,726 --> 00:17:10,561
I'm glad you're here, Marge.
342
00:17:10,628 --> 00:17:11,962
They're two minutes apart.
343
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,130
The contractions?
344
00:17:13,197 --> 00:17:14,331
No, my bills!
345
00:17:17,385 --> 00:17:19,186
Mm...
346
00:17:30,365 --> 00:17:33,166
Mom? Why are
you here?
347
00:17:36,004 --> 00:17:37,004
I was worried.
348
00:17:37,071 --> 00:17:38,405
I thought I would find...
349
00:17:38,473 --> 00:17:40,941
What, me flashing my boobs
on unripemelons.com?
350
00:17:41,009 --> 00:17:42,109
What? No.
351
00:17:42,176 --> 00:17:43,610
It doesn't matter
what I thought.
352
00:17:43,678 --> 00:17:45,245
I'm sorry I spied on you.
353
00:17:45,313 --> 00:17:48,415
But what I found is,
my daughter looks up to me.
354
00:17:48,483 --> 00:17:49,883
Well, of course I do.
355
00:17:49,951 --> 00:17:51,868
I look up to both
my parents.
356
00:17:51,936 --> 00:17:56,106
Could somebody FedEx me
a prayer mat? And quick!
357
00:17:56,174 --> 00:17:58,108
But I especially
look up to you.
358
00:17:58,176 --> 00:17:59,960
Mm...
359
00:18:03,131 --> 00:18:05,499
This is where
my father is.
360
00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,305
He froze himself
because he was sick
361
00:18:11,372 --> 00:18:13,040
and there was no cure.
362
00:18:13,107 --> 00:18:14,574
Are they working on one?
363
00:18:14,642 --> 00:18:16,443
Oh, they found it--
but don't tell him.
364
00:18:16,511 --> 00:18:18,161
This is way cheaper
than a nursing home.
365
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:21,565
Aah! What the heck!
366
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:23,934
Dad, these are
your great-grandsons.
367
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,603
Eh, I don't see
what's great about 'em.
368
00:18:26,671 --> 00:18:29,740
And, Homer, you're still a big
disappointment, because...
369
00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:31,174
See you next Christmas!
370
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:35,245
Why did you bring
us here, Homer?
371
00:18:35,313 --> 00:18:36,780
To prove a point:
372
00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:39,116
everyone thinks
their dad's a jerk,
373
00:18:39,183 --> 00:18:40,617
and everyone's right,
374
00:18:40,685 --> 00:18:44,755
but when you get older, you
realize how much you love him.
375
00:18:44,822 --> 00:18:46,523
Your dad may be
a little immature,
376
00:18:46,591 --> 00:18:48,208
but I know he loves you.
377
00:18:48,276 --> 00:18:50,643
So you ought
to give him a chance.
378
00:18:50,695 --> 00:18:52,679
Oh. Boys...
379
00:18:52,747 --> 00:18:54,247
I have acted like
a ten-year-old
380
00:18:54,315 --> 00:18:55,782
for the last 30 years,
381
00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:57,884
and I swear to you,
I will grow up
382
00:18:57,952 --> 00:18:59,686
and act like a 20-year-old,
383
00:18:59,754 --> 00:19:01,822
the way a divorced
40-year-old should.
384
00:19:01,889 --> 00:19:04,825
You're gonna have to
do better than that.
385
00:19:06,594 --> 00:19:09,529
Boys, I'm a deadbeat dad,
I live in a school,
386
00:19:09,597 --> 00:19:11,031
it's Christmas.
387
00:19:11,099 --> 00:19:15,835
The only thing worth
anything in my life is you.
388
00:19:17,138 --> 00:19:19,339
Oh, Dad.
389
00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:21,608
You've taught us
the meaning of Christmas,
390
00:19:21,676 --> 00:19:24,061
which schools are forbidden
to tell us anymore.
391
00:19:25,279 --> 00:19:26,697
Mmm...
392
00:19:26,781 --> 00:19:29,449
Is it snowing
down here?
393
00:19:29,517 --> 00:19:31,351
No, one of the
freezers is busted.
394
00:19:31,419 --> 00:19:33,286
If those kids
395
00:19:33,354 --> 00:19:35,355
can forgive that
train wreck of a father,
396
00:19:35,406 --> 00:19:37,140
then maybe I can forgive...
397
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:39,176
You quit drinking
like a coward!
398
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:41,645
The one thing you
were good at, and...
399
00:19:41,713 --> 00:19:44,448
Mm. Oh...
400
00:19:44,515 --> 00:19:46,883
...lawn-chair breakin'...
401
00:19:46,951 --> 00:19:48,518
hair-losing...
402
00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:49,953
Marge-lovin'...
403
00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:52,456
barometer-droppin'...
404
00:19:52,523 --> 00:19:53,990
father-freezin'...
405
00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:56,493
but you'd always
come and get me
406
00:19:56,561 --> 00:19:58,862
when I wandered
out on the freeway.
407
00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:00,997
'Cause deep down,
408
00:20:01,065 --> 00:20:04,951
you couldn't bear
to see me smushed.
409
00:20:05,019 --> 00:20:06,787
Oh, I love you, Dad.
410
00:20:08,022 --> 00:20:09,256
Ho... Ho...
411
00:20:09,323 --> 00:20:11,324
Everyone!
412
00:20:11,392 --> 00:20:12,976
It's a girl!
413
00:20:14,145 --> 00:20:15,512
So, who's the father?
414
00:20:17,031 --> 00:20:18,565
Eh, it doesn't matter.
415
00:20:18,633 --> 00:20:21,635
If there's one day a year
to give unwed mother's a break,
416
00:20:21,702 --> 00:20:22,853
it's Christmas.
417
00:20:24,455 --> 00:20:26,356
Okay, everyone,
418
00:20:26,424 --> 00:20:28,925
smile while the pets
take our picture.
419
00:20:28,993 --> 00:20:31,928
Hmm, funny how they
evolved and we didn't.
420
00:20:31,996 --> 00:20:35,996
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
421
00:21:24,403 --> 00:21:25,803
Shh!