1 00:00:03,299 --> 00:00:04,466 Hey. 2 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:07,707 Is there any better feeling 3 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:10,176 than waiting for a live Krusty show to start? 4 00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:13,012 Maybe watching your bride coming down the aisle. 5 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,047 Hmm. 6 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,424 Why does she get to eat before the reception? 7 00:00:26,017 --> 00:00:29,517 ♪ The Simpsons 23x07 ♪ The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants Original Air Date on November 27, 2011 8 00:00:29,518 --> 00:00:33,018 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,953 Seltzer bottle connected and pressurized? 10 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,471 Check. 11 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,206 Roll-up dicky set to six? 12 00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,975 Nope. 11. 13 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,819 My comedy comes from taking risks. 14 00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:47,109 Or avoiding them, I can't remember. 15 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,607 Krusty, we need to talk. 16 00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:51,088 Make it fast. I got a coiled up spring 17 00:00:51,113 --> 00:00:53,037 ready to boi-oi-oi-oi-oing. 18 00:00:53,823 --> 00:00:57,143 Oh, why can't I be funny with just my words? 19 00:00:57,153 --> 00:00:59,487 Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous things near his crotch, 20 00:00:59,555 --> 00:01:01,556 except when he's off work. 21 00:01:01,624 --> 00:01:02,957 Yeah. 22 00:01:03,025 --> 00:01:05,627 It's about your vodka, Absolut Krusty. 23 00:01:05,694 --> 00:01:07,061 We're having trouble persuading people 24 00:01:07,129 --> 00:01:09,664 it's hip to drink a vodka made by a clown, 25 00:01:09,732 --> 00:01:11,366 in a bottle shaped like a clown, 26 00:01:11,433 --> 00:01:13,034 that does this when you open it. 27 00:01:15,404 --> 00:01:16,771 Always gets me. 28 00:01:16,839 --> 00:01:18,106 Yeah, plus, that TV special 29 00:01:18,174 --> 00:01:20,542 where you drank another brand of vodka didn't help. 30 00:01:20,609 --> 00:01:22,844 I used up my stuff poisoning deer. 31 00:01:22,912 --> 00:01:24,612 If we're ever gonna sell your vodka, 32 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,514 we need to do something completely unorthodox-- 33 00:01:26,582 --> 00:01:27,816 a viral marketing campaign. 34 00:01:29,084 --> 00:01:30,351 Get to the point! 35 00:01:30,419 --> 00:01:32,787 Unless you want a face full of clown chunks! 36 00:01:32,855 --> 00:01:34,756 People are more likely to drink your vodka 37 00:01:34,824 --> 00:01:37,325 if they think all their coolest friends are drinking it. 38 00:01:37,393 --> 00:01:39,060 So, we pay for a big party 39 00:01:39,128 --> 00:01:40,862 at the home of a Springfield trendsetter. 40 00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:43,731 Your Brockman, your Bumblebee Man... 41 00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:46,634 He invites his cool friends, we serve free cocktails, 42 00:01:46,702 --> 00:01:49,070 made with your vodka, generating buzz. 43 00:01:49,138 --> 00:01:50,605 We got buzz. 44 00:01:50,673 --> 00:01:52,006 Positive buzz. 45 00:01:52,074 --> 00:01:54,142 That exists? Wow. 46 00:01:54,210 --> 00:01:57,245 So, all you have to do is find one of your loyal fans 47 00:01:57,313 --> 00:01:59,447 whose house we can trash and friends you can exploit. 48 00:02:02,318 --> 00:02:03,751 I need a drink. 49 00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:06,521 Not that! Never that! 50 00:02:07,523 --> 00:02:08,890 Hey, hey, kids! 51 00:02:08,958 --> 00:02:11,292 Who wants to host a viral marketing event? 52 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:12,794 Yay! 53 00:02:12,862 --> 00:02:15,129 All you have to do is write me a letter 54 00:02:15,197 --> 00:02:17,498 about how hip and influential your parents are. 55 00:02:17,566 --> 00:02:19,500 Milhouse, I'm gonna win that thing. 56 00:02:19,568 --> 00:02:20,902 How do you know, Bart? 57 00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:23,137 Maybe for once I'll win. 58 00:02:23,205 --> 00:02:25,607 Children of troubled marriages not eligible. 59 00:02:25,674 --> 00:02:27,108 Oh! 60 00:02:28,477 --> 00:02:30,511 So, uh, why are you here? 61 00:02:30,579 --> 00:02:32,680 Is it about that unauthorized Krusty lookalike 62 00:02:32,748 --> 00:02:34,349 I hired for Lisa's first communion? 63 00:02:34,416 --> 00:02:35,483 What was his name? 64 00:02:35,551 --> 00:02:37,285 Krappy the Klunk. See? 65 00:02:37,353 --> 00:02:40,088 Homer, we're here to throw the most redonkulous 66 00:02:40,155 --> 00:02:42,423 marketing outreach this town's ever seen. 67 00:02:42,491 --> 00:02:45,126 All you have to do is invite every cool person you know. 68 00:02:45,194 --> 00:02:46,494 Hey, I wrote the application. 69 00:02:46,562 --> 00:02:48,429 Do any of my friends get to come? 70 00:02:48,497 --> 00:02:49,731 One friend. 71 00:02:49,798 --> 00:02:51,633 He can listen to music with headphones on, 72 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,268 he gets one slice of cheese pizza, 73 00:02:53,335 --> 00:02:54,769 and if the party gets slow, 74 00:02:54,837 --> 00:02:57,138 he has to pretend to let Krusty save him from drowning. 75 00:02:57,206 --> 00:02:58,306 Redonkulous! 76 00:02:58,374 --> 00:02:59,407 Off the dilge! 77 00:03:08,484 --> 00:03:11,386 This party is so much better than the crummy ones we plan. 78 00:03:12,655 --> 00:03:14,789 I hope Bart's having fun. 79 00:03:14,857 --> 00:03:18,026 And that's why John Gielgud is more of a father to me 80 00:03:18,093 --> 00:03:19,761 than my own father. 81 00:03:19,828 --> 00:03:21,629 Where's the nachos you promised? 82 00:03:21,697 --> 00:03:24,299 There'll be time enough for nachos! 83 00:03:24,366 --> 00:03:27,035 Why can't I go to the grown-up room? 84 00:03:27,102 --> 00:03:29,570 You said the clown scared you. 85 00:03:29,638 --> 00:03:31,406 Well, he did a little. 86 00:03:33,175 --> 00:03:35,476 Boy, everyone from the nuclear plant is here. 87 00:03:35,544 --> 00:03:36,978 Except the bosses, of course. 88 00:03:37,046 --> 00:03:39,080 Yeah, even Homer's not dumb enough to invite... 89 00:03:39,148 --> 00:03:40,481 So! 90 00:03:40,549 --> 00:03:41,783 This is the famous party. 91 00:03:41,850 --> 00:03:43,351 Feh. 92 00:03:43,419 --> 00:03:44,519 Guh. 93 00:03:44,586 --> 00:03:46,220 Pffoy. 94 00:03:50,859 --> 00:03:53,194 He's destroying our youthful demographic! 95 00:03:53,262 --> 00:03:55,029 Oh, God, I need a drink! 96 00:03:56,632 --> 00:03:59,767 So the car in front of us forgot to validate his... uh... 97 00:03:59,835 --> 00:04:02,704 I was in an anecdote once. 98 00:04:02,771 --> 00:04:05,006 Um, I have surgery in the morning. 99 00:04:05,074 --> 00:04:07,742 Yeah, and I'm the one having the surgery. 100 00:04:09,645 --> 00:04:10,912 Homer, you're the nominal host. 101 00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:12,180 Do something! 102 00:04:12,247 --> 00:04:14,349 Oh! Uh! Oh! 103 00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:16,851 Mr. Burns, 104 00:04:16,919 --> 00:04:18,886 so glad you're here. 105 00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,888 Finally, the party can get started. 106 00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:23,257 Your cotillion seems to be in full promenade. 107 00:04:23,325 --> 00:04:24,692 Good one. 108 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,329 Uh, Mr. Burns, everyone is dying to hear you sing karaoke. 109 00:04:28,397 --> 00:04:30,999 Come on, just pick a popular song. 110 00:04:31,066 --> 00:04:32,967 Do you have anything by Prince... 111 00:04:33,035 --> 00:04:34,769 Wilhelm of Prussia? 112 00:04:34,837 --> 00:04:37,705 I have 16 million songs, but, uh, no. 113 00:04:37,773 --> 00:04:42,043 Just play the oldest, stupidest thing in your catalog. 114 00:04:42,111 --> 00:04:44,112 Uh, let me check my beeswax cylinders. 115 00:04:44,179 --> 00:04:46,447 Uh, here we are. 116 00:04:46,515 --> 00:04:49,550 ♪ Come Josephine in my flying machine! ♪ 117 00:04:49,618 --> 00:04:53,354 ♪ Going up she goes, up she goes ♪ 118 00:04:53,422 --> 00:04:56,357 ♪ Balance yourself like a bird on a beam ♪ 119 00:04:56,425 --> 00:05:00,161 ♪ In the air she goes, there she goes. ♪ 120 00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:05,500 May you all fly in an aeroplane someday. 121 00:05:05,567 --> 00:05:07,735 You certainly seem to be enjoying yourself, sir. 122 00:05:07,803 --> 00:05:10,171 Indeed. That Homer Simpson is the beating baboon heart 123 00:05:10,239 --> 00:05:11,606 of this party. 124 00:05:11,673 --> 00:05:14,809 So he says, "Bigamy is having one too many wives." 125 00:05:14,877 --> 00:05:17,612 To which I replied, "So's monogamy." 126 00:05:19,148 --> 00:05:20,715 Oh, yeah! 127 00:05:20,783 --> 00:05:22,950 I may have a use for this Simpson character 128 00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,552 higher up in the organization. 129 00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:26,254 Really? Well, as safety inspector, 130 00:05:26,321 --> 00:05:28,656 he hasn't exactly set the world on fire, 131 00:05:28,724 --> 00:05:30,458 although he came close several times. 132 00:05:31,994 --> 00:05:33,494 Simpson, you're probably wondering 133 00:05:33,562 --> 00:05:35,196 why you're here. 134 00:05:35,264 --> 00:05:36,464 It's never good. 135 00:05:36,532 --> 00:05:38,499 I always wind up being chased by hounds, 136 00:05:38,567 --> 00:05:40,168 or falling through a trapdoor, 137 00:05:40,235 --> 00:05:42,937 or being a peg in your game of human croquet. 138 00:05:43,005 --> 00:05:45,373 When I made you a hoop, you split your pants. 139 00:05:45,441 --> 00:05:48,009 Now, here at the plant, there's no position more important 140 00:05:48,077 --> 00:05:50,478 than our accounts man, who's responsible 141 00:05:50,546 --> 00:05:52,847 for glad-handing our customers and suppliers. 142 00:05:52,915 --> 00:05:55,283 I'd like you to take over that position. 143 00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:57,819 The last thing I understood in that was "pants." 144 00:05:57,886 --> 00:05:59,687 Just give me your answer, and make it quick! 145 00:05:59,755 --> 00:06:01,089 Our current account man, Robert Marlowe here, 146 00:06:01,156 --> 00:06:02,824 is retiring at the end of the month. 147 00:06:02,891 --> 00:06:05,059 In two weeks, the only tie I'll be wearing is 148 00:06:05,127 --> 00:06:07,095 for autoerotic pleasure. 149 00:06:07,162 --> 00:06:09,630 Yes. Simpson, only you have the bonhomie 150 00:06:09,698 --> 00:06:11,566 and rotund charm to replace him. 151 00:06:11,633 --> 00:06:14,936 It means a hefty expense account and a corner office. 152 00:06:15,003 --> 00:06:17,105 Well, in that case... 153 00:06:17,172 --> 00:06:20,608 Before you say yes, Simpson, I feel it's my duty to warn you, 154 00:06:20,676 --> 00:06:22,777 account men lose their soul. 155 00:06:22,845 --> 00:06:24,979 Woo-hoo! No more church! 156 00:06:29,939 --> 00:06:31,974 So long, Sector 7-G. 157 00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:34,743 Hello, Sector 22-F! 158 00:06:48,424 --> 00:06:49,725 Uh. 159 00:06:56,799 --> 00:06:59,368 The higher they rise, the further they fall! 160 00:06:59,435 --> 00:07:01,503 You know, you're kind of a downer. 161 00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:02,838 I thought you were retiring. 162 00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,339 Why are you still here? 163 00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:06,074 Hey, you're a baby account man. 164 00:07:06,142 --> 00:07:07,576 Still on the bottle. 165 00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:10,412 So, for my last good deed before I retire, 166 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,414 I'm going to help you persuade Mayor Quimby 167 00:07:12,482 --> 00:07:14,283 to sign off on a nuclear rate hike. 168 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,984 Uh-oh, a meeting with the mayor. 169 00:07:16,052 --> 00:07:18,353 How do I prepare for that? 170 00:07:19,756 --> 00:07:21,290 I see. 171 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:24,059 Now, how do I prepare for the meeting with the mayor? 172 00:07:25,495 --> 00:07:28,697 I am really enjoying this, but, um... 173 00:07:28,765 --> 00:07:30,933 Hello! Meeting with the mayor? 174 00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:36,705 Aw. Bourbon go bye-bye. 175 00:07:36,773 --> 00:07:39,508 There ain't enough bourbon in Kentucky for you, big guy. 176 00:07:39,576 --> 00:07:43,445 Yeah, the governor wrote me a letter to that effect. 177 00:07:44,847 --> 00:07:46,014 Wow, I can't believe 178 00:07:46,082 --> 00:07:47,583 I'm eating steak with the mayor. 179 00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:50,319 The next time, I vote for you, it's gonna be on purpose. 180 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:51,653 Much obliged. 181 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,222 Now, uh, where would you like 182 00:07:53,289 --> 00:07:56,358 to discuss your proposed tax breaks? 183 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,229 Mmm. 184 00:08:00,296 --> 00:08:01,430 Hey, Homer! 185 00:08:01,497 --> 00:08:02,598 Look at you, man! 186 00:08:02,665 --> 00:08:04,433 I've outgrown you! 187 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:08,937 Oh, Mr. Mayor, more peanut nore? 188 00:08:18,848 --> 00:08:20,082 Say what you will, man. 189 00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:21,550 He's pretty resourceful. 190 00:08:21,618 --> 00:08:23,151 Wow. 191 00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:24,820 These seats are amazing. 192 00:08:24,887 --> 00:08:27,189 And if you don't like the score, you can change it yourself. 193 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,558 ♪ Boring. ♪ 194 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,161 God, what a great game! 195 00:08:33,229 --> 00:08:35,764 And you, too, can be on the winning team, Mr. Mayor. 196 00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,699 The Springfield Nuclear Team. 197 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,936 I have never heard an analogy involving sports! 198 00:08:41,004 --> 00:08:42,537 I love it! 199 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,473 I can't believe that was work! 200 00:08:44,540 --> 00:08:45,974 Yeah, but work is over now. 201 00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:47,976 Want to drink with me till I fall asleep? 202 00:08:48,044 --> 00:08:50,312 Oh, well... 203 00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:53,315 Mm, I really should look at this picture a little longer. 204 00:08:53,383 --> 00:08:54,616 Hmm. 205 00:08:54,684 --> 00:08:56,218 Okay, let's go. 206 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,987 Great. Now, in honor of my last day on the hamster wheel, 207 00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:00,622 I have a little gift for you. 208 00:09:00,690 --> 00:09:02,824 This set of bar tools has been passed down 209 00:09:02,892 --> 00:09:05,527 from account man to account man since the dawn of history. 210 00:09:05,595 --> 00:09:07,529 1956. 211 00:09:07,597 --> 00:09:09,765 Can you be my dad? 212 00:09:09,832 --> 00:09:12,534 If your mom was a secretary, there's a good chance I am. 213 00:09:15,905 --> 00:09:19,441 Welcome home, handsome! 214 00:09:23,079 --> 00:09:25,747 It's a rat race, but it looks like I won. 215 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,150 Oh, to the victor go the spoils. 216 00:09:28,217 --> 00:09:29,618 Mmm. 217 00:09:29,686 --> 00:09:32,254 Dad, you were supposed to read me a bedtime story. 218 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,789 Oh, sorry, sweetie. 219 00:09:33,856 --> 00:09:35,090 Bart can read it to you. 220 00:09:36,526 --> 00:09:39,261 Read to Lisa? Why don't you just ask me to kiss her? 221 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,430 If you kissed her, that would be lovely. 222 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:42,464 I'll read! I'll read! 223 00:09:42,532 --> 00:09:43,999 And kiss. 224 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,600 Does anyone want my opinion? 225 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:46,868 Please, Lisa. 226 00:09:46,936 --> 00:09:48,337 I had 18 martinis today. 227 00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:49,971 Hello. 228 00:09:50,039 --> 00:09:54,309 All right, Lis, let's get this stupid bedtime story over with. 229 00:09:54,377 --> 00:09:56,712 Proceed to the page with the butterfly bookmark 230 00:09:56,779 --> 00:09:58,914 as I cuddle up with Madam Bunny. 231 00:10:00,383 --> 00:10:04,252 "If genn-i-oos..." 232 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,554 Genius. 233 00:10:05,621 --> 00:10:09,124 "...is eternal pati... 234 00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,659 "pat-eh... 235 00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:11,927 pa-tie..." 236 00:10:11,994 --> 00:10:12,994 Patience. Patience! 237 00:10:13,062 --> 00:10:14,429 Get on with it! 238 00:10:14,497 --> 00:10:15,664 Shut up! Shut up! 239 00:10:15,732 --> 00:10:16,965 I'm a bad reader, okay?! 240 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,667 Well, I could help you. 241 00:10:18,735 --> 00:10:20,135 I don't want your help! 242 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:23,271 I'll get one of those jobs where you don't need to read, 243 00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:25,240 like French fry maker or general. 244 00:10:25,308 --> 00:10:27,476 - Well, you're getting my help. - Forget it. 245 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,678 Don't you want to be able to read the things 246 00:10:29,746 --> 00:10:31,346 people carve into your chest in prison? 247 00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:32,647 I guess. 248 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,483 ♪ ♪ 249 00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:48,163 Close enough. 250 00:11:00,376 --> 00:11:02,511 ♪ ♪ 251 00:11:31,974 --> 00:11:33,909 "But when the helpful voice was silent, 252 00:11:33,976 --> 00:11:36,445 "the daily lesson over, the beloved presence gone, 253 00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:38,847 "and nothing remained but loneliness and grief, 254 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:41,850 then Jo found her promise very hard to keep." 255 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,585 We did it, Bart. 256 00:11:43,653 --> 00:11:45,954 I'm a mentor. 257 00:11:46,022 --> 00:11:48,056 Big deal, you taught me to read one book. 258 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,859 No, Bart, you can read other books, too. 259 00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,127 What?! 260 00:11:55,998 --> 00:11:58,900 Homie, what are you doing? 261 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,236 My work is so meaningless. 262 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,938 You make electricity. 263 00:12:03,005 --> 00:12:04,940 It runs the hospital. 264 00:12:05,007 --> 00:12:07,008 You can't touch electricity, Marge, 265 00:12:07,076 --> 00:12:08,443 you can't feel it. 266 00:12:08,511 --> 00:12:10,745 That's because it would kill you. 267 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,048 It already is killing me, Marge. 268 00:12:13,115 --> 00:12:14,749 You're the only one I can talk to. 269 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,852 My wife just doesn't get it. 270 00:12:16,919 --> 00:12:18,353 I'm your wife. 271 00:12:18,421 --> 00:12:19,688 My job is my wife, 272 00:12:19,755 --> 00:12:23,892 loneliness-- my mistress, despair-- my sex buddy. 273 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,560 Angst is a chick I met online, 274 00:12:25,628 --> 00:12:27,963 but then it turned out it was really a guy. 275 00:12:28,030 --> 00:12:29,130 I'm going to bed. 276 00:12:29,198 --> 00:12:30,899 You don't understand me. 277 00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,934 Only she understands me. 278 00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:35,537 Another round, kid? 279 00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:54,556 Hey, uh... I got here after you did. 280 00:12:57,257 --> 00:12:59,458 I'm sorry to bother you at home, Mr. Marlowe, 281 00:12:59,526 --> 00:13:01,460 but my husband's acting pretty odd-- 282 00:13:01,528 --> 00:13:04,630 coming home late, drinking in the morning. 283 00:13:04,698 --> 00:13:06,899 - Wake me when you get to "odd." - Hmm. 284 00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:10,236 I don't suppose you'd consider taking your old job back 285 00:13:10,304 --> 00:13:13,105 so Homie can go back to his old job? 286 00:13:13,173 --> 00:13:14,874 Sorry, Marge, that account job hollowed me out 287 00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:16,509 like a cheap chocolate bunny. 288 00:13:16,577 --> 00:13:19,245 I've been divorced three times, I've got a cocktail addiction, 289 00:13:19,313 --> 00:13:20,713 a shrimp cocktail addiction, 290 00:13:20,781 --> 00:13:23,282 and I can't stop bending women to my sexual will. 291 00:13:23,350 --> 00:13:27,553 Well, you certainly won't be bending me... 292 00:13:27,621 --> 00:13:30,122 Wait, how did I end up in your bedroom? 293 00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:33,226 Lady, I am smoother than an Eisenhower-era freeway. 294 00:13:33,293 --> 00:13:35,828 Look, I came to talk about my husband, and... 295 00:13:35,896 --> 00:13:37,697 How did we get in here? 296 00:13:37,764 --> 00:13:39,198 I think better in the shower. 297 00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:40,366 There's room in here for two. 298 00:13:40,434 --> 00:13:43,135 I'm a happily married woman. 299 00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:45,705 Wow, no woman's ever done that to me before. 300 00:13:45,772 --> 00:13:47,506 Your husband is a lucky man. 301 00:13:47,574 --> 00:13:50,076 I know, and I don't want him to stray 302 00:13:50,143 --> 00:13:52,311 from anything except his diet, 303 00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:54,714 and I don't really want him to do that. 304 00:13:54,781 --> 00:13:55,915 Marge, I made a big mistake 305 00:13:55,983 --> 00:13:57,216 years ago. 306 00:13:57,284 --> 00:13:58,718 I gave up on my family. 307 00:13:58,785 --> 00:14:00,886 Then I gave up on my secret other family. 308 00:14:00,954 --> 00:14:03,489 I missed my son's graduation, my father's funeral, 309 00:14:03,557 --> 00:14:05,157 and my dog's best in show. 310 00:14:05,225 --> 00:14:07,693 Don't let Homer make the mistakes I did. 311 00:14:07,761 --> 00:14:09,262 Luann? 312 00:14:09,329 --> 00:14:10,730 It's not what you think. 313 00:14:10,797 --> 00:14:13,432 It's much weirder. 314 00:14:15,502 --> 00:14:17,803 You're reading a chapter book. 315 00:14:17,871 --> 00:14:19,138 For fun! 316 00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,674 Bullies, to me. 317 00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:25,411 Let's see the name of this wedgie ticket. 318 00:14:26,179 --> 00:14:27,680 Little Women? 319 00:14:27,748 --> 00:14:30,583 Are you aware that's another way of saying "girls"? 320 00:14:30,651 --> 00:14:32,318 Look, I had to read it to my sister. 321 00:14:32,386 --> 00:14:34,687 Well, maybe we should hear a little. 322 00:14:34,755 --> 00:14:37,456 And then maybe you'll be hearing from my sisters. 323 00:14:37,524 --> 00:14:39,725 Your fists are sisters? 324 00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:42,795 Yeah, Poke-ahontas and Sock-ajawea! 325 00:14:42,863 --> 00:14:43,796 Nice save. 326 00:14:43,864 --> 00:14:46,198 Get reading. 327 00:14:46,266 --> 00:14:49,402 "And Amy and Jo hugged one another close, 328 00:14:49,469 --> 00:14:53,139 and everything was forgotten in one hearty kiss." 329 00:14:53,206 --> 00:14:54,840 End of chapter eight. 330 00:14:54,908 --> 00:14:56,108 You can't stop now. 331 00:14:56,176 --> 00:14:58,077 I want to know if their father comes home. 332 00:14:58,145 --> 00:15:00,646 Does Jo learn to handle her hasty temper? 333 00:15:00,714 --> 00:15:02,982 Does Amy get over her conceitedness? 334 00:15:03,050 --> 00:15:05,718 Aw, come on, guys, it's getting dark. 335 00:15:05,786 --> 00:15:09,522 Okay, but you better be here tomorrow after school. 336 00:15:09,589 --> 00:15:11,490 'Cause we're going to keep making you read us 337 00:15:11,558 --> 00:15:12,992 a lame ol' girl's book. 338 00:15:15,362 --> 00:15:17,229 Bart needs to work on differentiating 339 00:15:17,297 --> 00:15:19,131 the character voices a little better. 340 00:15:19,199 --> 00:15:22,234 I know, I keep going, "Why is Meg saying that?" 341 00:15:22,302 --> 00:15:24,337 and then I realize it's Beth. 342 00:15:24,404 --> 00:15:25,571 That's right. 343 00:15:30,243 --> 00:15:32,078 Your wife is here, Mr. S. 344 00:15:32,145 --> 00:15:35,014 Tell her I'm at a meeting, not drinking. 345 00:15:35,082 --> 00:15:37,817 This is a whisper-amplifying intercom. 346 00:15:37,884 --> 00:15:39,418 Homer, I want you to come 347 00:15:39,486 --> 00:15:41,954 with me and the kids on a family vacation. 348 00:15:42,022 --> 00:15:43,055 Of course, of course. 349 00:15:43,123 --> 00:15:46,425 Family is everything to us company men. 350 00:15:46,493 --> 00:15:49,261 Now, where shall we go on your vacation? 351 00:15:49,329 --> 00:15:51,897 The farthest thing from this office I know: 352 00:15:51,965 --> 00:15:52,898 rafting down Rattler River Canyon. 353 00:15:57,437 --> 00:15:59,138 That's great-- let me run the numbers 354 00:15:59,206 --> 00:16:01,040 'cause I really want the Simpson account. 355 00:16:01,108 --> 00:16:03,442 And give these cigars to your children. 356 00:16:03,510 --> 00:16:06,078 Don't talk to me like I'm a client. 357 00:16:06,146 --> 00:16:08,981 You're not a client, you're the client. 358 00:16:10,484 --> 00:16:13,953 Simpson, put on your charm- their-pants-off pants. 359 00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:15,821 The mumpish oafs in Washington are sending 360 00:16:15,889 --> 00:16:18,290 their sternest band of nuclear regulators, 361 00:16:18,358 --> 00:16:20,292 handpicked to resist all blandishment. 362 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,261 I'll handle it, I always do. 363 00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:23,996 Rafting, eh? 364 00:16:24,064 --> 00:16:26,031 It's a perfect way to entertain them. 365 00:16:26,099 --> 00:16:29,168 Finally, humanity has found a use for water. 366 00:16:29,236 --> 00:16:32,438 Mr. Burns, I can't go rafting with you because-- 367 00:16:32,506 --> 00:16:34,607 wait a minute, could this all work? 368 00:16:39,546 --> 00:16:41,480 Oh, no, you don't. 369 00:16:41,548 --> 00:16:42,815 Coggily-doggily. 370 00:16:42,883 --> 00:16:43,816 It all fits. 371 00:16:43,884 --> 00:16:45,484 Mr. Burns, rafting it is. 372 00:16:45,552 --> 00:16:46,452 Excellent. 373 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,053 But Mr. S., 374 00:16:48,121 --> 00:16:50,456 you just promised this week to Mrs. S., Master B., 375 00:16:50,524 --> 00:16:51,957 and Mamselles L. and M. 376 00:16:52,025 --> 00:16:52,958 Now, relax, Dottie. 377 00:16:53,026 --> 00:16:55,594 Leave everything to me. 378 00:16:59,404 --> 00:17:01,939 Oh, Marge, this is the most romantic trip 379 00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:03,874 you ever nagged me into. 380 00:17:03,942 --> 00:17:05,976 And maybe when we get home, 381 00:17:06,044 --> 00:17:08,746 we can ride down something else. 382 00:17:08,813 --> 00:17:10,648 Not sure what you're going for, but... 383 00:17:16,454 --> 00:17:18,722 Uh, Marge, why don't I catch us some salmon? 384 00:17:20,425 --> 00:17:21,859 D'oh! 385 00:17:23,862 --> 00:17:25,362 It's about time. 386 00:17:25,430 --> 00:17:28,365 We've been making small talk about Mussolini for 15 minutes. 387 00:17:28,433 --> 00:17:30,868 Well, I, uh, found that contact lens I was missing. 388 00:17:30,936 --> 00:17:32,636 Let me just screw her back in. 389 00:17:37,475 --> 00:17:39,410 So, everybody good? 390 00:17:39,477 --> 00:17:43,347 Why did you get us... 391 00:17:43,415 --> 00:17:45,783 It's more fun to play with a ball of yarn 392 00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:48,285 if it has all the colors in it. 393 00:17:48,353 --> 00:17:51,121 And yarn should be allowed to marry dental floss. 394 00:17:58,096 --> 00:17:59,763 If you've got that, then... 395 00:18:01,499 --> 00:18:03,567 Are you sure you're Martin Scorsese? 396 00:18:04,769 --> 00:18:07,204 Enjoy the outdoors, you stupid kid. 397 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,873 This family time is so precious. 398 00:18:09,941 --> 00:18:11,508 Got to go. 399 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,387 Homer, I want a Long Island ice tea, 400 00:18:23,455 --> 00:18:25,656 America's most complicated cocktail. 401 00:18:28,093 --> 00:18:29,460 Homer, 402 00:18:29,527 --> 00:18:32,796 are you schmoozing those men? 403 00:18:34,366 --> 00:18:36,066 Huh? 404 00:18:36,134 --> 00:18:38,636 Um, I think we're supposed to get off here. 405 00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:40,170 Take us out first. 406 00:18:40,238 --> 00:18:41,739 Anyone can start a family. 407 00:18:41,806 --> 00:18:44,108 These days no one can find a job. 408 00:18:44,175 --> 00:18:46,777 Let's see, my family gives me love and sex. 409 00:18:46,845 --> 00:18:48,445 My work gives me money and sleep. 410 00:18:48,513 --> 00:18:50,481 Hurry, we're heading for the falls! 411 00:18:52,584 --> 00:18:54,585 My coworkers are like a family, 412 00:18:54,653 --> 00:18:57,588 but in some ways my family is like a family, too. 413 00:18:57,656 --> 00:19:00,991 For God's sakes, Homer, I've given you three children. 414 00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:02,826 Whose side are you on? 415 00:19:02,894 --> 00:19:06,930 Yours, Homie, I'm always on yours. 416 00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:13,437 How ironic. 417 00:19:13,505 --> 00:19:15,606 I survived the Titanic by making a raft 418 00:19:15,674 --> 00:19:18,575 out of steerage passengers, and now this. 419 00:19:18,643 --> 00:19:21,311 Mr. Burns, your heart will go on. 420 00:19:25,417 --> 00:19:27,818 Marlowe, I thought you retired. 421 00:19:27,886 --> 00:19:29,586 I can't-- Treasury bills are paying nothing. 422 00:19:29,654 --> 00:19:30,788 Nothing! 423 00:19:30,855 --> 00:19:32,489 Well, Simpson, you were willing 424 00:19:32,557 --> 00:19:34,491 to let me go over a waterfall, 425 00:19:34,559 --> 00:19:36,560 but you cut operating expenses by six percent, 426 00:19:36,628 --> 00:19:37,795 so you're forgiven. 427 00:19:37,862 --> 00:19:39,029 Thanks. 428 00:19:39,097 --> 00:19:40,431 Now if you'll excuse me, 429 00:19:40,498 --> 00:19:42,900 I don't really like bourbon or business talk, 430 00:19:42,967 --> 00:19:46,470 just good old Simpson family fun. 431 00:19:46,538 --> 00:19:47,905 Hey, kids, I'm it. 432 00:19:53,445 --> 00:19:54,378 Aah! 433 00:19:59,484 --> 00:20:02,252 I'm okay, and I found some gold! 434 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,055 See, luckiest man in the world. 435 00:20:06,224 --> 00:20:07,958 Oh, I'm so glad 436 00:20:08,026 --> 00:20:10,627 you're not an accounts man anymore. 437 00:20:10,695 --> 00:20:12,463 Yep, your worries are over. 438 00:20:12,530 --> 00:20:15,132 I'm back to being a boring old safety inspector 439 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,134 at a nuclear power plant. 440 00:20:22,741 --> 00:20:26,741 == sync, corrected by elderman == 441 00:21:14,425 --> 00:21:16,293 Shh!