1
00:00:06,064 --> 00:00:07,534
Massive haul
this year.
2
00:00:11,905 --> 00:00:14,446
To candy!
3
00:00:18,299 --> 00:00:22,607
Fee-fi-fo-fum, give me
all your candy and gum!
4
00:00:22,675 --> 00:00:24,609
Who are you
and why do you want our candy?
5
00:00:24,677 --> 00:00:26,511
Your mother is
the switch witch--
6
00:00:26,579 --> 00:00:28,380
a sort of tooth
fairy dealie.
7
00:00:28,447 --> 00:00:31,682
I take your sugary sweets
and I give you healthy items.
8
00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:35,585
Plain brown toothbrushes,
unflavored dental floss
9
00:00:35,653 --> 00:00:39,555
and fun-sized mouthwashes--
TSA approved.
10
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,756
This is exactly why
kids need a union.
11
00:00:46,731 --> 00:00:48,632
Now remember, Homie,
that candy goes to...
12
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,035
Our fighting
men and women overseas.
13
00:00:51,103 --> 00:00:54,305
It's our way of letting them
know we're having fun back here.
14
00:00:54,373 --> 00:00:57,578
No sneaking off and eating
that candy yourself.
15
00:00:57,646 --> 00:00:59,714
Marge, you know
I'd never do that.
16
00:00:59,782 --> 00:01:02,585
I'm too scared
of the evil switch witch.
17
00:01:02,652 --> 00:01:04,721
The switch witch is me.
18
00:01:04,789 --> 00:01:07,992
You know, on some level,
I've always known.
19
00:01:09,661 --> 00:01:11,831
("Flight" from Psycho soundtrack
playing)
20
00:01:12,956 --> 00:01:16,456
♪ The Simpsons 23x03 ♪
Treehouse of Horrors XXII
Original Air Date on October 30, 2011
21
00:01:18,431 --> 00:01:21,931
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
22
00:01:30,288 --> 00:01:32,657
♪ I've got candy,
skip to my Lou ♪
23
00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:34,859
♪ My insulin will spike,
that's what it's gonna do ♪
24
00:01:34,927 --> 00:01:37,229
♪ I'm gonna buy me
some diabetic shoes ♪
25
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:38,598
♪ Skip to my Lou my... ♪
26
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:42,068
What the...?!
27
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,108
D'oh!
28
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,642
Hello, 911?
29
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,944
I need a helicopter rescue
and some cold milk.
30
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,045
Copy that, sir.
31
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,580
We'll be there in 20 minutes.
32
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,649
What?! I can't wait
that long for candy!
33
00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:02,588
The only sane thing to do
is chew off my arm.
34
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:07,193
Ow! Ow!
35
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:10,030
I'm not gonna swallow, 'cause
I want to save room for candy.
36
00:02:11,967 --> 00:02:13,835
Oops.
37
00:02:15,437 --> 00:02:16,738
D'oh!
38
00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:19,107
Mm!
39
00:02:19,175 --> 00:02:20,709
I'm really getting
the hang of this.
40
00:02:23,548 --> 00:02:25,615
All worth it for candy.
41
00:02:28,987 --> 00:02:32,290
No...!
42
00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:36,361
("Flight" from Psycho soundtrack
playing)
43
00:02:50,221 --> 00:02:52,688
Dad? Dad?
44
00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:54,723
He opened his eyes!
45
00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:55,958
Mom!
46
00:02:56,026 --> 00:02:57,893
Okay, I'm on the floor.
47
00:02:57,961 --> 00:02:59,995
I can't move.
48
00:03:00,062 --> 00:03:01,797
So far, a normal
Sunday morning.
49
00:03:01,865 --> 00:03:04,433
Homie, you're
paralyzed.
50
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:07,369
But we love you and
will never give up hope.
51
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,371
Can his funeral be
on a school day?
52
00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:11,840
This is so horrible.
53
00:03:11,908 --> 00:03:14,510
I can't speak!
54
00:03:16,079 --> 00:03:17,547
How did this happen?
55
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,482
Last thing I remember,
56
00:03:19,550 --> 00:03:23,052
I was decorating the house
for Halloween.
57
00:03:24,855 --> 00:03:26,588
Ah, Halloween.
58
00:03:26,656 --> 00:03:28,958
The one time of year
when the squalor of our home
59
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,225
works to our advantage.
60
00:03:38,902 --> 00:03:41,002
Where's that spider? Ah.
61
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,006
Squeeze, squeeze!
62
00:03:45,008 --> 00:03:46,441
Squeeze, squeeze!
63
00:03:46,509 --> 00:03:49,111
A real spider would get so mad
if I did this.
64
00:03:49,178 --> 00:03:50,712
I wonder if this thing
has batteries.
65
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,183
It's alive?!
66
00:03:55,252 --> 00:03:56,452
Ow!
67
00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:05,894
Hmm. Well, at least
I still look good.
68
00:04:05,962 --> 00:04:08,797
Okay, handsome, that's
enough primping.
69
00:04:08,865 --> 00:04:11,100
Just because you've
had a little setback
70
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:12,668
doesn't mean you can't
look your best.
71
00:04:12,736 --> 00:04:14,303
Oh, Marge.
72
00:04:14,371 --> 00:04:18,407
This is the purest love there
patient, supportive...
73
00:04:18,474 --> 00:04:19,441
Ooh, cleavage.
74
00:04:22,946 --> 00:04:24,380
Dad, I'm going to entertain you
75
00:04:24,448 --> 00:04:26,349
with the help of
The Brothers Karamazov.
76
00:04:28,152 --> 00:04:31,454
"Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov
was the third son
77
00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:33,623
"of Fyodor Pavlovitch
Karamazov,
78
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:37,093
"a landowner well known
in our district in his own day,
79
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:38,895
and still remembered
among us..."
80
00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:40,397
Oh, my God.
81
00:04:40,464 --> 00:04:42,031
She's still on
the first sentence!
82
00:04:42,099 --> 00:04:43,967
Must make her stop.
83
00:04:44,035 --> 00:04:46,303
How to express my...
84
00:04:47,472 --> 00:04:49,306
Dad! Ew.
85
00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:51,675
Anyway, continuing.
86
00:04:51,743 --> 00:04:53,410
"For the present,
I will only say
87
00:04:53,478 --> 00:04:55,279
that this 'landowner'--
for so we..."
88
00:04:56,848 --> 00:04:58,849
Ew! Dad!
89
00:04:58,917 --> 00:05:00,784
Wait a minute.
90
00:05:00,852 --> 00:05:02,886
Can you pass gas at will?
91
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:04,822
Fart once for no, twice for yes.
92
00:05:06,491 --> 00:05:07,992
Oh, my God!
93
00:05:08,059 --> 00:05:10,294
Do you realize what this means?
94
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:15,733
Well, it means
that you can communicate.
95
00:05:17,803 --> 00:05:19,170
Exactly.
96
00:05:20,806 --> 00:05:23,608
I'll recite the alphabet,
and you tell me when to stop.
97
00:05:23,676 --> 00:05:25,076
A, B, C, D...
98
00:05:25,978 --> 00:05:28,114
D.
99
00:05:28,181 --> 00:05:29,115
Next letter.
100
00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:30,483
A, B, C, D, E...
101
00:05:31,552 --> 00:05:33,119
"D, E."
102
00:05:33,187 --> 00:05:34,287
Amazing!
103
00:05:34,355 --> 00:05:35,788
Oh, but before we continue.
104
00:05:38,659 --> 00:05:40,527
Okay.
105
00:05:40,594 --> 00:05:41,594
A...
106
00:05:41,662 --> 00:05:43,430
"D, E, A."
107
00:05:43,497 --> 00:05:45,832
"Dearest Marge, though my body
108
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,167
"cannot move,
my heart still beats
109
00:05:47,234 --> 00:05:48,401
"and my brain still brains.
110
00:05:49,503 --> 00:05:50,837
"I miss holding you in my arms
111
00:05:50,905 --> 00:05:53,172
"more than my butt can say.
112
00:05:55,075 --> 00:05:56,742
"Perhaps someday
there will be a cure.
113
00:05:56,810 --> 00:05:58,277
"Although if it requires
114
00:05:58,345 --> 00:06:01,146
"months of difficult
physical therapy, I'll pass.
115
00:06:01,214 --> 00:06:02,848
"You are the
shining light
116
00:06:02,915 --> 00:06:04,683
"that gets me through
my darkest hours.
117
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:08,152
"For further communication,
I will require more beans.
118
00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:09,386
I love you."
119
00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:11,488
Oh, Homie.
120
00:06:12,523 --> 00:06:13,523
Shh-shh-shh.
121
00:06:13,591 --> 00:06:16,192
Don't say a word.
122
00:06:17,661 --> 00:06:19,828
I guess my life isn't so bad.
123
00:06:19,896 --> 00:06:21,130
With the help
of my loving family,
124
00:06:21,197 --> 00:06:22,531
I even published my first book.
125
00:06:24,835 --> 00:06:26,669
And I've finally reached
a state of serenity and...
126
00:06:28,004 --> 00:06:30,473
Another spider!
127
00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:37,213
What's this bite gonna do?
128
00:06:38,382 --> 00:06:40,384
My wrists are tingling.
129
00:06:40,451 --> 00:06:42,953
I feel new powers
surging within me!
130
00:06:51,997 --> 00:06:53,298
He's got
the proportionate strength
131
00:06:53,366 --> 00:06:54,866
of a paralyzed spider!
132
00:06:56,536 --> 00:06:59,939
Forget paying for my kid's
operation-- I'm out of here!
133
00:07:03,009 --> 00:07:05,578
They say no two ass-webs
are the same.
134
00:07:05,645 --> 00:07:07,346
Beautiful in its way.
135
00:07:09,115 --> 00:07:12,350
Want to go home
and celebrate?
136
00:07:15,521 --> 00:07:16,354
Whoo!
137
00:07:20,359 --> 00:07:23,028
I wish I could
move like him.
138
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:33,477
Springfield, my hometown.
139
00:07:33,545 --> 00:07:34,745
Pretty little place.
140
00:07:34,813 --> 00:07:37,014
Although, even
the Garden of Eden
141
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,950
could use a nice cleansing rain
now and then.
142
00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:42,186
My money's on the kid.
143
00:07:46,892 --> 00:07:48,326
Hey, whiskers.
144
00:07:48,394 --> 00:07:49,728
Want to party?
145
00:07:49,795 --> 00:07:52,363
Spend less time on your back
and more time on your knees.
146
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:53,531
Hmm?
147
00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:57,068
Have I lost
my back-alley beauty?
148
00:07:57,136 --> 00:08:00,605
Well, those who can't do, teach.
149
00:08:05,345 --> 00:08:06,411
No more distractions.
150
00:08:06,479 --> 00:08:07,812
I have work to do.
151
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:55,092
All these years,
I thought murder was a sin.
152
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,428
Then I got new instructions
from the good Lord Himself
153
00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,698
in his favorite language--
English.
154
00:08:59,765 --> 00:09:01,185
Slay Montgomery Burns
155
00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:03,265
and pee in his ashes!
156
00:09:03,369 --> 00:09:04,903
Are you sure, Lord?
157
00:09:04,971 --> 00:09:07,572
If you're having trouble
with the second part,
158
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,340
drink a lot of water.
159
00:09:09,408 --> 00:09:11,376
Now I've got to go.
160
00:09:11,443 --> 00:09:14,879
A hip-hop star
is thanking me at the VMAs.
161
00:09:25,056 --> 00:09:27,057
And so white-bread Ned
162
00:09:27,125 --> 00:09:29,259
became the avenging sword
of the Lord.
163
00:09:40,838 --> 00:09:42,840
Peter, Andrew, James
the Greater, James the Lesser,
164
00:09:42,907 --> 00:09:44,107
John, Philip, Thaddeus.
165
00:09:46,278 --> 00:09:48,112
Heavenly Father, I...
166
00:09:48,179 --> 00:09:49,547
Quiet, you!
167
00:09:49,614 --> 00:09:52,283
Your next divine
whack job is a twofer.
168
00:09:52,350 --> 00:09:56,153
I command you to kill
Patty and Selma Bouvier.
169
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,588
Patty and Selma?
170
00:09:57,656 --> 00:10:00,324
Sure they smoke, and they don't
shave much of anything,
171
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,159
but do they deserve to die?
172
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:05,795
Do not question me,
the star of the Bible.
173
00:10:05,863 --> 00:10:08,899
Now, on a non-murder-
related note,
174
00:10:08,967 --> 00:10:11,301
I want you to find out
175
00:10:11,369 --> 00:10:14,604
what's making that funny noise
in Homer Simpson's car.
176
00:10:14,672 --> 00:10:16,473
It's, uh, it's, you know,
177
00:10:16,541 --> 00:10:18,508
it's like a
chigga-chigga-chigga-chigga.
178
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,911
But you only hear it
when you're driving over 30.
179
00:10:20,978 --> 00:10:23,681
And you never hear it
when you take it to the shop.
180
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,584
Then it sounds perfect.
181
00:10:26,652 --> 00:10:28,353
Yes, Lord!
182
00:10:28,421 --> 00:10:30,388
Homer, have you noticed
how many of your enemies
183
00:10:30,456 --> 00:10:31,890
have died lately?
184
00:10:31,958 --> 00:10:34,025
Mr. Burns, Sideshow Bob...
185
00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:35,594
You forgot Patty and Selma.
186
00:10:35,661 --> 00:10:37,596
Oh, wait.
That hasn't happened yet.
187
00:10:37,664 --> 00:10:39,599
Patty and Selma?
188
00:10:39,666 --> 00:10:41,601
Who's next,
Ned Flanders?
189
00:10:41,669 --> 00:10:43,470
Now, how would that work?
190
00:10:43,538 --> 00:10:44,371
Huh?
191
00:10:58,786 --> 00:11:00,720
Okay, stupid Flanders,
192
00:11:00,788 --> 00:11:04,424
first I want you to kill
that guy at the ice cream parlor
193
00:11:04,491 --> 00:11:07,594
who gave Homer Simpson a cone
that had a little air in it.
194
00:11:07,661 --> 00:11:09,028
Really?
195
00:11:09,096 --> 00:11:10,930
Come on!
God does crazy things!
196
00:11:10,998 --> 00:11:12,498
Check your Old Testament.
Hey, Dad.
197
00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:15,434
Hey Bart...
Uh, I mean, Jesus.
198
00:11:15,502 --> 00:11:18,037
Hey son, you want Flanders to
kill anybody?
199
00:11:18,104 --> 00:11:19,371
He's totally in my power.
200
00:11:19,439 --> 00:11:21,140
Well, there's a tall boy
in front of me
201
00:11:21,207 --> 00:11:22,341
in class so I can't see
the board.
202
00:11:22,409 --> 00:11:24,376
And I sayeth unto you,
203
00:11:24,444 --> 00:11:26,946
slay every tall boy in town!
204
00:11:27,013 --> 00:11:28,147
Yeah!
Yeah!
205
00:11:28,215 --> 00:11:30,082
Homer Simpson!
206
00:11:30,149 --> 00:11:31,950
You made a killer out of me!
207
00:11:32,018 --> 00:11:34,253
Yeah, and what are you gonna do
about it?
208
00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:37,189
I'm going to kill you!
209
00:11:37,257 --> 00:11:40,125
- Because of you, I'm going to Hell!
- Language.
210
00:11:40,193 --> 00:11:42,261
Hell!
Damn! Backside!
211
00:11:42,328 --> 00:11:43,695
Nothing matters anymore!
212
00:11:43,763 --> 00:11:46,698
I'm goin' down and my
hand-basket seats two!
213
00:11:46,766 --> 00:11:48,966
Wake up, Flanders!
214
00:11:49,034 --> 00:11:51,936
There is no Hell,
and there is no God.
215
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,371
If there were, would
He let me do this?
216
00:11:59,577 --> 00:12:01,244
Why you little...
217
00:12:05,715 --> 00:12:07,583
What happened?!
218
00:12:07,650 --> 00:12:10,218
Uh... Flanders killed Homer.
219
00:12:10,286 --> 00:12:11,219
But, but...
220
00:12:11,287 --> 00:12:13,154
But you're God.
221
00:12:13,222 --> 00:12:15,323
Couldn't you make everything
the way it was?
222
00:12:15,391 --> 00:12:17,391
Well, I could.
223
00:12:17,459 --> 00:12:20,261
But the big man downstairs
wouldn't like it.
224
00:12:22,798 --> 00:12:24,766
Get me a coffee!
225
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:26,268
Yes, sir.
226
00:12:30,973 --> 00:12:32,574
Could this get any worse?
227
00:12:34,577 --> 00:12:36,611
Honey, come back to bed.
228
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:38,345
Oh, for cryin' out loud!
229
00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:51,264
People, you are on the most
230
00:12:51,332 --> 00:12:53,900
inhospitable planet
in the galaxy.
231
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:55,602
Extreme temperatures...
232
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:57,671
vicious indigenous life forms...
233
00:12:57,739 --> 00:13:00,174
Are there any questions? Yes?
234
00:13:00,242 --> 00:13:02,810
Are we in Kansas anymore?
No.
235
00:13:02,878 --> 00:13:04,445
Well, are we in Nebraska?
236
00:13:04,513 --> 00:13:06,714
No!
We are not in any state!
237
00:13:06,782 --> 00:13:08,683
Oh, oh, is it Michigan?
238
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,818
Nobody talk anymore!
239
00:13:10,886 --> 00:13:13,887
You will now direct your
attention to our C.E.O.,
240
00:13:13,955 --> 00:13:15,355
Mr. Krusty the clown.
241
00:13:15,423 --> 00:13:18,692
We are here on this fakakta
planet for one reason:
242
00:13:18,759 --> 00:13:20,459
Hilarium.
243
00:13:20,527 --> 00:13:23,495
Spray this in an audience and
they'll laugh at anything.
244
00:13:23,563 --> 00:13:24,863
And I need some now.
245
00:13:24,931 --> 00:13:27,099
Gotta play a Nazi party rally.
246
00:13:27,167 --> 00:13:29,268
Oh, yeah, they're back.
247
00:13:29,336 --> 00:13:33,039
Our spies will go planet-side,
locate said Hilarium
248
00:13:33,107 --> 00:13:35,809
and contact us so that we may
begin extraction.
249
00:13:35,876 --> 00:13:39,313
This is a delicate mission that
requires utter loyalty.
250
00:13:39,381 --> 00:13:41,182
I can think of no better
candidate
251
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:44,286
than the resentful guy in the
wheelchair who has just arrived.
252
00:13:47,023 --> 00:13:50,124
Yes, I think this is gonna work
out just fine.
253
00:13:52,828 --> 00:13:54,796
All strapped in?
254
00:13:54,864 --> 00:13:56,131
Yep.
255
00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:01,535
Now prepare to take an
incredible journey across the room!
256
00:14:05,606 --> 00:14:07,006
Yo.
257
00:14:13,948 --> 00:14:17,418
Whoa!
Check out this bitchin' bod!
258
00:14:17,486 --> 00:14:19,788
Oh, man, if I could just have
259
00:14:19,856 --> 00:14:21,991
five minutes alone with my
old bullies...
260
00:14:22,058 --> 00:14:23,392
Hey, avaturd.
261
00:14:23,460 --> 00:14:24,593
Are you guys gonna beat me up?
262
00:14:24,661 --> 00:14:25,795
Naw, we can't.
263
00:14:25,863 --> 00:14:28,298
These avatars cost
$80 billion each.
264
00:14:28,366 --> 00:14:31,134
But your human body costs
nothing.
265
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:50,022
Come on, let's bond,
you stupid jerk.
266
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:53,893
That's a Japanese outlet, Bart.
You need an adapter.
267
00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,231
Oh, maybe I'll just take a taxi.
268
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,533
Where you go?
Where you go?
269
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,834
No meter, is cheaper, yeah?
270
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,035
No, thanks.
271
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,337
Suit yourself, you
one-eyed bastard.
272
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,308
Aw, the only thing that looks
good on this stupid planet
273
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,242
are the bananas.
274
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:13,579
Hmm?!
275
00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:15,715
Ay, caramba!
276
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,727
Thanks, dude.
277
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,462
I am a female!
278
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,997
You don't have to yell!
279
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:35,134
I am not yelling!
This is my seductive voice!
280
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:38,504
I am called Kamala.
281
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:42,775
Oh! Even when we're monsters,
he gets the girl.
282
00:15:42,843 --> 00:15:45,911
Fool! Every part of
this world is alive!
283
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,447
Apologize to sister rock!
284
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,749
Sorry, sister rock.
285
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:54,052
Now you've murdered our
brothers, the flowers!
286
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,087
Stupid! Stupid!
287
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,355
Now you're having
sex with Uncle Tree!
288
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:01,958
Thank the Almighty
Fungus you are wiser
289
00:16:02,026 --> 00:16:03,860
and cuter than your friend.
290
00:16:03,928 --> 00:16:06,696
Hey, what gives, man?
291
00:16:06,764 --> 00:16:09,833
And now let us touch
testicles and mate for life.
292
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:11,501
Don't you mean tentacles?
293
00:16:11,569 --> 00:16:13,102
I know what I said!
294
00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:14,971
Ay, caramba!
295
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:22,246
Today you are a man.
Mazel Tov!
296
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:29,321
So... was it okay?
297
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,123
It was serviceable!
298
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:34,893
Ah, man, back on Earth we
don't have so many moons.
299
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:38,097
What do you mean,
"back on Earth"?
300
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:43,136
Uh... it's a place on the other
side of this planet that's...
301
00:16:43,204 --> 00:16:45,739
very rainy so you can only see
one moon.
302
00:16:45,807 --> 00:16:47,140
You know, like Portland.
303
00:16:47,208 --> 00:16:49,209
I never hear of
this Port-land.
304
00:16:49,277 --> 00:16:53,713
But on Rigel Seven, lack of eye
contact and too many details
305
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,881
indicate the
telling of truth.
306
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:59,551
I love you, sugar-slime.
307
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,521
Man, you are full
of surprises.
308
00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:08,860
I can't believe I'm getting
combat pay for this.
309
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:12,531
Well done, young man!
Our daughter is with child.
310
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:13,765
Here.
311
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,802
Feel the wonder of
one million fetuses!
312
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,973
You said you
were using birth control!
313
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,309
That only keeps me from giving
birth while we are having sex.
314
00:17:24,412 --> 00:17:27,013
How do those mountains float?
315
00:17:27,081 --> 00:17:29,382
They don't.
They are falling.
316
00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:33,186
Now that Kamala has
a slug in the oven,
317
00:17:33,254 --> 00:17:37,256
we must make sure she gets
her daily dose of Hilarium.
318
00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:41,526
Without it, her crankiness will
become unbearable.
319
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:45,263
Unfortunately our environment is
too hostile to grow pickles.
320
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:48,900
And the only flavor ice cream
we have is butter brickle.
321
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,870
no pickles,
butter brickle.
322
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:54,372
It is the Rigelian way.
323
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,442
So, where can I load up on this
Hilarium?
324
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,611
Listen closely.
325
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:03,082
The Hilarium is found in the
sacred secretions of the queen!
326
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,491
We have located the Hilarium.
327
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,926
Lock in on my signal.
328
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:18,763
Traitor! How dare you betray
the planet I got laid on?!
329
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:24,667
They're all in one place.
Let's fry these calamari
330
00:18:24,735 --> 00:18:27,236
and dip 'em in a sauce made
of their own blood!
331
00:18:27,304 --> 00:18:29,739
And wine from
their own grapes.
332
00:18:29,806 --> 00:18:30,806
That's not so bad.
333
00:18:30,874 --> 00:18:32,241
It's a little bad.
334
00:18:38,015 --> 00:18:41,951
So Kamala, where do we keep all
our tanks and planes and stuff?
335
00:18:42,019 --> 00:18:45,621
We have no tanks.
Our planet will protect us.
336
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,757
Oh, man, you sound like my
art teacher.
337
00:18:47,825 --> 00:18:49,225
Look a little like her, too.
338
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,195
I guess this is a good time
339
00:19:27,263 --> 00:19:29,664
to tell you I've been a double
agent all this time.
340
00:19:29,732 --> 00:19:31,499
But now I am
totally on your side.
341
00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:35,069
And this is a good time to tell
you I have space warts.
342
00:19:35,136 --> 00:19:37,005
And I got them from
Milhouse.
343
00:19:42,677 --> 00:19:45,713
Time for a good old-fashioned
344
00:19:45,781 --> 00:19:48,716
servo-suit/bulldozer-saurus
fight!
345
00:19:58,260 --> 00:19:59,760
Dammit!
346
00:19:59,828 --> 00:20:02,230
Yo, Colonel! Uh, you've got
some schmutz on your cheek.
347
00:20:02,297 --> 00:20:04,565
Where?...
Here?
348
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:06,868
Skinner...!
349
00:20:09,805 --> 00:20:11,940
Had they asked
for the Hilarium,
350
00:20:12,007 --> 00:20:14,309
we would simply have
given it to them.
351
00:20:14,376 --> 00:20:18,012
In Rigelian there is no word
for "yours" or "mine."
352
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,749
That's the reason we didn't enjoy
the movie Yours, Mine and Ours.
353
00:20:26,487 --> 00:20:28,955
Halloween is over,
which means, America,
354
00:20:29,023 --> 00:20:31,124
it's time to start your
Christmas shopping.
355
00:20:31,192 --> 00:20:34,995
Infuse our stagnant economy with
dollars you don't really have.
356
00:20:35,062 --> 00:20:39,098
And whatever you do, avoid the
urge to make homemade gifts.
357
00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:44,303
Knitting one sweater for someone
costs 27 Americans their jobs.
358
00:20:44,370 --> 00:20:45,937
And don't forget, Christmas
359
00:20:46,005 --> 00:20:48,507
is a wonderful time to
take up alcoholism.
360
00:20:48,574 --> 00:20:51,109
Come on, you see your
family all year round.
361
00:20:51,177 --> 00:20:54,079
The holidays are for
your bartender.
362
00:21:01,255 --> 00:21:03,591
When are we doing
the Black Swan?
363
00:21:06,028 --> 00:21:07,962
== sync, corrected by elderman ==