1 00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:05,100 ♪ The Simpsons 22x22 ♪ The Ned-Liest Catch Original Air Date on May 22, 2011 2 00:00:10,015 --> 00:00:11,549 Well done, the band. 3 00:00:11,617 --> 00:00:13,284 We're all bursting with pride 4 00:00:13,352 --> 00:00:16,037 after our girls' basketball team beat Shelbyville 5 00:00:16,105 --> 00:00:18,272 two-nothing in triple overtime! 6 00:00:18,340 --> 00:00:20,108 Now let's make some noise. 7 00:00:20,175 --> 00:00:21,576 Using our... 8 00:00:21,643 --> 00:00:22,710 inside voices! 9 00:00:25,030 --> 00:00:29,450 Please welcome Springfield Elementary's own Lady Pumas! 10 00:00:30,676 --> 00:00:33,676 =+= sync, corrected by elderman =+= 11 00:00:36,358 --> 00:00:38,760 I'm sorry, but the team all got food poisoning 12 00:00:38,827 --> 00:00:41,028 at the pre-rally egg salad sandwich party. 13 00:00:41,096 --> 00:00:43,097 Luckily, as equipment manager, 14 00:00:43,165 --> 00:00:45,099 I... was not... invited! 15 00:00:46,702 --> 00:00:48,102 No team? Oh, I guess 16 00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:51,105 I just have to give you all an hour of free play. 17 00:00:52,875 --> 00:00:54,909 Let chaos reign! 18 00:00:58,063 --> 00:00:59,664 Actually, I do have a speech prepared. 19 00:00:59,731 --> 00:01:01,866 Excellent, Lisa. Free play cancelled. 20 00:01:03,368 --> 00:01:05,253 No one cancels my free play! 21 00:01:06,922 --> 00:01:08,506 Sorry, man. 22 00:01:08,574 --> 00:01:11,626 It's okay. Thanks for making me part of the revolution. 23 00:01:11,693 --> 00:01:13,194 Edna, control your student! 24 00:01:13,262 --> 00:01:14,428 He's ruined more assemblies 25 00:01:14,496 --> 00:01:16,464 than the afternoon sun in the west window. 26 00:01:16,532 --> 00:01:17,832 He's uncontrollable! 27 00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,467 Pumpkin stickers mean nothing to him! 28 00:01:19,535 --> 00:01:20,785 That's crazy talk. 29 00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:30,144 Wee! 30 00:01:30,212 --> 00:01:31,312 Me bleachers 31 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:32,780 have been weaponized! 32 00:01:32,848 --> 00:01:34,782 Abandon gym! 33 00:01:53,735 --> 00:01:55,102 Huh? 34 00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:57,305 You unrepentant little twerp! 35 00:02:02,845 --> 00:02:04,545 Oh, Edna. 36 00:02:04,613 --> 00:02:06,714 It was an open hand. Does that help? 37 00:02:06,782 --> 00:02:08,149 Edna, 38 00:02:08,217 --> 00:02:10,234 we can tolerate mild alcoholism, 39 00:02:10,319 --> 00:02:11,919 leaving melted cheese in the microwave, 40 00:02:11,987 --> 00:02:13,921 even selling A's for cigarettes. 41 00:02:13,989 --> 00:02:15,957 But in laying a hand on a student, 42 00:02:16,024 --> 00:02:17,758 you have crossed a line. 43 00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:19,260 Nurse, get a slap kit. 44 00:02:19,328 --> 00:02:20,661 Right away, sir. 45 00:02:20,729 --> 00:02:22,763 In all my years of teaching, 46 00:02:22,831 --> 00:02:25,399 I've never raised a hand to a student. 47 00:02:25,467 --> 00:02:27,735 But you learned! You grew! 48 00:02:27,803 --> 00:02:31,205 No! You should never raise your hand to a child. 49 00:02:31,273 --> 00:02:33,374 Just leave the crust on their sandwiches. 50 00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:34,976 They'll get the message. 51 00:02:35,043 --> 00:02:36,611 Rest assured, Mrs. Simpson, 52 00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:39,981 that we have a zero-tolerance policy for this sort of thing 53 00:02:40,048 --> 00:02:42,116 when it occurs in front of witnesses. 54 00:02:42,184 --> 00:02:43,918 What's going to happen to me? 55 00:02:43,986 --> 00:02:46,771 Edna, you're suspended with full pay until the hearing, 56 00:02:46,838 --> 00:02:50,258 which is currently scheduled for 57 years from tomorrow. 57 00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:53,594 It was going to be 60, but I moved it up because I... 58 00:02:53,662 --> 00:02:55,279 I like the way you torment Skinner. 59 00:02:55,347 --> 00:02:59,884 Oh. So I-I still get my check, but I get to stay at home? 60 00:02:59,952 --> 00:03:01,852 I'm afraid it's not quite that simple. 61 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,754 Uh, Seymour, who's running this meeting? 62 00:03:03,822 --> 00:03:05,423 I thought I was. 63 00:03:05,490 --> 00:03:08,276 Edna, until the state disciplinary committee rules 64 00:03:08,343 --> 00:03:10,745 on your case, every workday you'll report 65 00:03:10,812 --> 00:03:13,414 to a school board holding facility-- 66 00:03:13,482 --> 00:03:15,700 an educational limbo, as it were, 67 00:03:15,767 --> 00:03:18,502 where you are the unbaptized dead by. 68 00:03:19,671 --> 00:03:22,039 They never seem to like that analogy. 69 00:03:24,109 --> 00:03:26,010 This is the Rubber Room, 70 00:03:26,111 --> 00:03:27,695 where accused teachers are held 71 00:03:27,779 --> 00:03:30,381 until the school board decides what to do with them. 72 00:03:30,465 --> 00:03:33,401 You show up here every day, 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. 73 00:03:33,468 --> 00:03:36,437 Shoes remain on, cell phones remain off. 74 00:03:36,505 --> 00:03:38,940 No Wi-Fi, and you may not refer to this experience 75 00:03:39,007 --> 00:03:41,108 as either Kafkaesque or Orwellian. 76 00:03:41,176 --> 00:03:43,010 I have to come here every day?! 77 00:03:43,078 --> 00:03:44,812 Or you could quit. 78 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,014 You'd like that, wouldn't you? 79 00:03:47,082 --> 00:03:49,317 The only thing I'd like more is if I could quit. 80 00:03:49,384 --> 00:03:51,118 Well, I'm not quitting. 81 00:03:51,186 --> 00:03:53,754 I'm staying here till you give me my job back. 82 00:03:53,822 --> 00:03:55,856 So, what do you do for fun here? 83 00:03:55,924 --> 00:03:57,725 You'll find ways to pass the time. 84 00:03:57,793 --> 00:04:00,594 Me, I watch that crack in the ceiling. 85 00:04:00,662 --> 00:04:03,931 Hey, hey, find your own crack! 86 00:04:03,999 --> 00:04:05,333 Now before I leave, 87 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,818 let me turn on this malfunctioning air conditioner. 88 00:04:08,887 --> 00:04:10,838 Is that ice? 89 00:04:10,906 --> 00:04:12,640 Uh, no, no, they're spider eggs. 90 00:04:15,127 --> 00:04:16,360 He's a science teacher. 91 00:04:16,428 --> 00:04:18,312 He'll know what to do. 92 00:04:25,737 --> 00:04:27,271 BA Psst! Mrs. K! 93 00:04:27,339 --> 00:04:28,606 Down here! 94 00:04:28,674 --> 00:04:31,409 Haven't you caused enough trouble? 95 00:04:31,476 --> 00:04:33,878 You shouldn't suffer for my bad deed. 96 00:04:33,945 --> 00:04:35,746 It should just go unpunished forever. 97 00:04:35,814 --> 00:04:38,015 Fine, half-assed apology accepted. 98 00:04:38,083 --> 00:04:39,750 Now, if you'll excuse me, 99 00:04:39,818 --> 00:04:42,486 I have a lot of very important things to do. 100 00:04:46,675 --> 00:04:48,642 Pah! 101 00:04:51,646 --> 00:04:53,014 What else do you want to talk about? 102 00:04:53,081 --> 00:04:54,081 Meet me in the bathroom. 103 00:04:58,420 --> 00:05:00,221 Check this out-- a dead possum. 104 00:05:01,423 --> 00:05:02,473 Ay, caramba! 105 00:05:05,394 --> 00:05:07,361 Okay, Bart, what's going on? 106 00:05:07,429 --> 00:05:09,830 I'm a teacher in a bathroom with a student. 107 00:05:09,898 --> 00:05:12,066 That's why most of these people are here in the first place. 108 00:05:12,134 --> 00:05:14,268 Mrs. K., I'm here to spring you. 109 00:05:14,336 --> 00:05:15,836 Well, that's kind of you, 110 00:05:15,904 --> 00:05:18,406 especially after I nearly choked the life out of you. 111 00:05:18,473 --> 00:05:19,774 You didn't do that. 112 00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:21,942 No, but that's what I told everyone I did 113 00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:27,014 to earn the respect of the gangs. 114 00:05:27,082 --> 00:05:29,917 But I can't just wander out of here whenever I feel like it. 115 00:05:29,985 --> 00:05:31,485 Who says you're leaving? 116 00:05:32,721 --> 00:05:34,989 You made a dummy of me? 117 00:05:35,057 --> 00:05:36,757 Mm, I use it to workshop my pranks. 118 00:05:42,831 --> 00:05:44,131 Now follow me! 119 00:05:48,036 --> 00:05:50,204 Oh, I don't know about this. 120 00:05:50,272 --> 00:05:51,639 I can't believe 121 00:05:51,706 --> 00:05:53,674 a middle-aged woman is scared of a three-story drop. 122 00:05:53,742 --> 00:05:56,510 I'll show you who's middle-aged! 123 00:06:01,166 --> 00:06:02,767 Hmm? 124 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,068 Oh, great! 125 00:06:04,136 --> 00:06:06,437 The one day I put cream cheese on my bagel! 126 00:06:14,129 --> 00:06:16,997 Did a volcano erupt in Candyland? 127 00:06:17,065 --> 00:06:19,433 'Cause I just caught me a flying red hot! 128 00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:21,268 Ha! Ah... 129 00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:23,649 You know, I don't believe 130 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,217 we've ever been formally introduced. Anyhoo, 131 00:06:26,316 --> 00:06:28,350 so I don't commit the deadliest of sins-- 132 00:06:28,418 --> 00:06:29,919 omission-- here's my card. 133 00:06:29,986 --> 00:06:31,387 Oh. 134 00:06:31,454 --> 00:06:33,255 Edna Krabappel. 135 00:06:33,340 --> 00:06:35,407 Good luck finding a rhythm for that 136 00:06:35,475 --> 00:06:37,877 Okay, Ms. Krabappel, what made you topple? 137 00:06:37,944 --> 00:06:40,679 Oh, your card doesn't lie. 138 00:06:40,747 --> 00:06:42,448 Well, I'm a truthful kind of guy. 139 00:06:42,515 --> 00:06:45,184 And I like how it's printed in orange. 140 00:06:45,252 --> 00:06:47,319 Hmm. 141 00:06:47,387 --> 00:06:49,922 Uh, so, uh, we were talking about why you decided 142 00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,824 to drop in to the Flanders Arms. 143 00:06:51,892 --> 00:06:56,128 For some reason, I was following the advice of one Bart Simpson. 144 00:06:56,196 --> 00:06:58,430 Bart Simpson? Why, he lives right next door to me! 145 00:06:58,498 --> 00:06:59,732 Yeah, when they made him, 146 00:06:59,799 --> 00:07:01,700 they did not skimp on the puppy dog tails. 147 00:07:01,768 --> 00:07:03,202 And what about that father? 148 00:07:03,270 --> 00:07:04,436 Homer? 149 00:07:06,439 --> 00:07:08,240 Yeah, he's the peanut in your popcorn. 150 00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:11,243 Lots of fun... I guess. 151 00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:13,712 So, what say we have lunch? 152 00:07:13,763 --> 00:07:15,598 You know, I wouldn't mind 153 00:07:15,665 --> 00:07:17,066 Homer lying naked in his hammock, 154 00:07:17,133 --> 00:07:20,002 but does he have to string it up higher than the fence line? 155 00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:21,437 I'll bet your wife doesn't like it. 156 00:07:21,504 --> 00:07:22,671 Ah, I'm afraid 157 00:07:22,739 --> 00:07:24,640 my Maudie's putting plastic on the clouds now. 158 00:07:24,708 --> 00:07:27,109 Oh, you poor man. 159 00:07:27,177 --> 00:07:28,677 Besides my kids, the only thing 160 00:07:28,745 --> 00:07:30,579 in my life is my business, The Leftorium. 161 00:07:30,647 --> 00:07:31,847 We've been the anchor store 162 00:07:31,915 --> 00:07:33,983 in the sad mall for the last ten years. 163 00:07:34,050 --> 00:07:34,883 Oh. 164 00:07:34,951 --> 00:07:36,785 And you're a former Mrs., 165 00:07:36,870 --> 00:07:39,321 so, uh, where's your husband buried? 166 00:07:39,389 --> 00:07:40,639 Probably between the hooters 167 00:07:40,707 --> 00:07:42,958 of a coat check girl in Shelbyville. Ha! 168 00:07:43,026 --> 00:07:45,261 Oh, boy, that laugh is infectious. 169 00:07:45,328 --> 00:07:47,296 Ha! Ha! 170 00:07:47,364 --> 00:07:48,897 That's fun. 171 00:07:48,965 --> 00:07:50,883 Thank you for lunch, Ned. 172 00:07:50,951 --> 00:07:53,352 Well, thank you for taking me to that Pinkberry place. 173 00:07:53,386 --> 00:07:54,720 It's a lot less racy 174 00:07:54,788 --> 00:07:56,839 than its name would lead you to believe. 175 00:07:56,906 --> 00:07:58,140 Crossing it off my do-not-go list. 176 00:07:58,208 --> 00:07:59,808 Mm-hmm. 177 00:07:59,876 --> 00:08:02,645 Well, sir, I guess I better refenestrate ya. 178 00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:08,917 Any chance I could see you again? 179 00:08:08,985 --> 00:08:12,454 You know, I am a fallen woman. 180 00:08:12,522 --> 00:08:14,423 Whoa, slow down. 181 00:08:14,491 --> 00:08:17,226 I never go to second entendre on the first date. 182 00:08:19,646 --> 00:08:20,779 Oh, ho. 183 00:08:23,316 --> 00:08:25,818 You've been in there for three hours! 184 00:08:25,885 --> 00:08:28,420 What are you doing, taking a bath?! 185 00:08:31,124 --> 00:08:33,926 ♪ I cried through many endless nights ♪ 186 00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:37,863 ♪ Just holding my pillow tight ♪ 187 00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:41,116 ♪ Then you came into my lonely days ♪ 188 00:08:41,184 --> 00:08:44,486 ♪ With your tender love and sweet ways ♪ 189 00:08:44,554 --> 00:08:47,456 ♪ Now, I don't know where you come from, baby ♪ 190 00:08:47,524 --> 00:08:49,675 Aw. 191 00:08:49,743 --> 00:08:52,177 ♪ Don't know where you've been, my baby... ♪ 192 00:08:52,245 --> 00:08:54,129 Good news, Edna. 193 00:08:54,197 --> 00:08:55,698 The governor crushed the teachers' union, 194 00:08:55,765 --> 00:08:57,700 so you don't have to stay here anymore. 195 00:08:57,767 --> 00:08:59,234 Now I can just fire you. 196 00:08:59,302 --> 00:09:00,502 Where will I go? 197 00:09:00,570 --> 00:09:02,037 I'll rehire you, 198 00:09:02,105 --> 00:09:05,307 but you will have to work weekends as a prison guard. 199 00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:07,109 Well, I would get a chance 200 00:09:07,177 --> 00:09:09,011 to see lots of my former students. 201 00:09:09,079 --> 00:09:10,779 You've got a deal. 202 00:09:10,847 --> 00:09:12,114 MRS. KRABAPPEL: Mmm! 203 00:09:12,182 --> 00:09:15,417 Getting sprung really made me feel like celebrating. 204 00:09:15,485 --> 00:09:17,986 Let's see what you're hiding under this sweater. 205 00:09:18,054 --> 00:09:21,423 Huh. Well, maybe I should lose a layer. 206 00:09:26,246 --> 00:09:28,313 Edna, you're a very beautiful woman, 207 00:09:28,381 --> 00:09:30,649 but I'm a little, uh, you know... 208 00:09:30,717 --> 00:09:33,452 uncomfortable with premarital sex. 209 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,220 Oh, come on, Ned. 210 00:09:35,288 --> 00:09:36,855 We've both been married before. 211 00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:39,391 Those two boys of yours weren't delivered by stork. 212 00:09:39,459 --> 00:09:40,926 Oh, yes, they were. 213 00:09:40,994 --> 00:09:42,694 We deliberately chose a Dr. Stork 214 00:09:42,762 --> 00:09:44,630 so we could say it without lying. 215 00:09:44,697 --> 00:09:47,232 But I think if we hold off for a while, 216 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:49,201 you'll find I'm well worth the wait. 217 00:09:49,269 --> 00:09:52,638 Like a mild cheddar, I get tangy when I'm sitting on the shelf. 218 00:09:52,705 --> 00:09:55,574 Okay, I'll try it your way. 219 00:09:55,642 --> 00:09:58,544 But can I at least nibble on the cheese? Mmm. 220 00:10:01,347 --> 00:10:03,248 Well, a little nibble won't hurt your appetite. 221 00:10:08,221 --> 00:10:11,256 ♪ ♪ 222 00:10:14,411 --> 00:10:16,478 You have the energy for one more? 223 00:10:16,546 --> 00:10:18,280 Absolutely. 224 00:10:18,348 --> 00:10:22,117 This is the best DVD about cheese-making I've ever seen. 225 00:10:22,185 --> 00:10:23,018 Oh, great. 226 00:10:24,921 --> 00:10:26,822 KEN BURNS: Episode 17: Muenster. 227 00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:28,107 Oh, what the heck? 228 00:10:28,174 --> 00:10:30,209 I know it's impolite to make a move 229 00:10:30,276 --> 00:10:32,644 till episode 25 of a Ken Burns documentary, 230 00:10:32,712 --> 00:10:35,781 but you're that special. 231 00:10:35,849 --> 00:10:37,382 Ned! 232 00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:39,318 That's right, I'm down to my wife-blesser. 233 00:10:48,322 --> 00:10:50,190 It's pinot grigio time! 234 00:10:53,161 --> 00:10:54,761 See you tomorrow, Teach. 235 00:10:54,829 --> 00:10:56,062 Don't remind me. 236 00:11:08,609 --> 00:11:10,393 Mrs. K.? 237 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,412 Are you still bumping moustaches with Ned? 238 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,681 Yes. And the way things are going, 239 00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:16,296 you're going to be seeing me here a lot. 240 00:11:16,321 --> 00:11:17,721 Even on snow days? 241 00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:22,389 Snow days, strike days, half-day afternoons, and all summer long. 242 00:11:22,457 --> 00:11:24,858 By the way-- you forgot to bring home your math worksheet. 243 00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:26,827 It's due tomorrow-- no excuses. 244 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,361 But what if my dog eats it? 245 00:11:29,997 --> 00:11:32,265 That's the dog that's always eating your homework? 246 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:34,367 Yeah. Um, he hates how learning 247 00:11:34,435 --> 00:11:37,220 has taken me to a place he'll never go. See? 248 00:11:42,059 --> 00:11:43,827 Hang on. Wait a minute. 249 00:11:59,977 --> 00:12:02,562 Little help? 250 00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:03,864 Little help? Little help? 251 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,098 Uh, little help? 252 00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:06,500 Flanders, little help? 253 00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:10,387 Homer, could you stop throwin' balls over my fence? 254 00:12:10,454 --> 00:12:11,821 Oh, absolutely, Ned. Sorry. 255 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,375 Little help? 256 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,417 Don't worry, sweetie. 257 00:12:24,485 --> 00:12:27,137 Daddy will put Jack back in the box. 258 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,773 Okay, time to go back in the... 259 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,308 night-night... 260 00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:33,476 This is harder than it looks. 261 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,646 Don't you humiliate me in front of my kid. 262 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,181 I thought we had a deal, man. 263 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,890 Well, if it isn't the local school marm 264 00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:48,558 and his new girlfriend. 265 00:12:50,494 --> 00:12:53,029 That's a burn on you, Flanders. 266 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:55,632 Pretty funny, Homer. 267 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:57,434 It's not funny at all. 268 00:12:57,501 --> 00:13:00,070 Homer, I'd appreciate it if you weren't so rude to Ned. 269 00:13:00,137 --> 00:13:03,306 Whoa. Flanders, this chick does not get our thing. 270 00:13:03,374 --> 00:13:05,775 Actually, she sort of does. 271 00:13:07,044 --> 00:13:09,646 Homer, do you know how lucky you are? 272 00:13:09,714 --> 00:13:13,083 Ned is a wonderful, caring man, and a darn good neighbor. 273 00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:14,150 Language. 274 00:13:14,218 --> 00:13:15,352 Yeah, language. 275 00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,153 Sorry, Ned, but I can't watch this guy 276 00:13:17,221 --> 00:13:18,622 push you around anymore. 277 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,692 Marge, tell her how I don't push Ned around. 278 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,595 Actually, sometimes you do push Ned around. 279 00:13:25,663 --> 00:13:27,330 What?! 280 00:13:27,398 --> 00:13:30,634 Don't do that, Homie. It rubs off your side hair. 281 00:13:30,701 --> 00:13:33,036 Hey Ned, can I borrow some hair? 282 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,605 Which brings me to item number two on the agenda: 283 00:13:35,673 --> 00:13:38,074 I understand you borrowed a thing or two from Ned 284 00:13:38,142 --> 00:13:40,026 that you never returned. 285 00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:45,298 And I'll just take my tumbleweed back. 286 00:13:46,334 --> 00:13:47,884 See, Dad? 287 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,453 Having Krabappel next door is nothing but trouble. 288 00:13:50,521 --> 00:13:52,989 Teachers should not be allowed to live near their students. 289 00:13:53,057 --> 00:13:54,291 We're natural enemies, 290 00:13:54,358 --> 00:13:56,626 like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. 291 00:13:56,694 --> 00:13:58,528 Don't panic, son. 292 00:13:58,596 --> 00:14:00,497 We can bust up Teachy and Preachy. 293 00:14:00,564 --> 00:14:02,232 Here's what we do: I'll take Flanders out 294 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,367 and remind him of the joys of the single life. 295 00:14:04,435 --> 00:14:06,536 You scare Rod and Todd by telling them 296 00:14:06,604 --> 00:14:09,372 Krabappel will become their evil stepmother. 297 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,708 If fairy tales have taught us one thing, 298 00:14:11,776 --> 00:14:13,209 it's that first wives are perfect, 299 00:14:13,277 --> 00:14:14,878 second wives are horrible. 300 00:14:14,945 --> 00:14:17,280 Just the opposite of real life. 301 00:14:18,849 --> 00:14:20,216 Yeah, isn't this place great? 302 00:14:20,284 --> 00:14:22,786 If you're single, you can come here every night. 303 00:14:22,853 --> 00:14:24,287 I don't want to come here. 304 00:14:24,355 --> 00:14:26,122 Last time I did, someone slipped me a Mickey 305 00:14:26,190 --> 00:14:27,741 and wrote "Churchy Joe" on my face. 306 00:14:29,377 --> 00:14:31,645 It's your own fault. You gotta read the coaster. 307 00:14:33,314 --> 00:14:36,182 Oh, my. 308 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,151 Ned, let's cut to the chase. 309 00:14:38,219 --> 00:14:39,419 Yeah, let me guess. 310 00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:40,954 You're probably gonna do something boneheaded 311 00:14:41,022 --> 00:14:42,756 like try to talk me out of seeing Edna. 312 00:14:42,823 --> 00:14:44,491 Ned, if it's boneheaded to talk 313 00:14:44,558 --> 00:14:48,328 you out of seeing Edna, then I don't wanna be brainheaded. 314 00:14:48,396 --> 00:14:50,096 Homer, listen to me. 315 00:14:50,164 --> 00:14:52,349 For a long time now I've been lookin' over the fence 316 00:14:52,416 --> 00:14:54,918 at that wonderful relationship you have with Marge. 317 00:14:54,985 --> 00:14:58,221 Then I remember what it was like to have a sweet woman of my own 318 00:14:58,289 --> 00:14:59,622 lying in a twin bed 319 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,191 across the hall from mine. 320 00:15:01,258 --> 00:15:04,194 Someone to hold the other end of the sheet when I fold it up. 321 00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:05,662 Someone to put in my prayers. 322 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:08,231 Oh, Ned, I never dreamed 323 00:15:08,299 --> 00:15:12,335 that beneath those iddilies and diddilies there was a dude. 324 00:15:12,403 --> 00:15:14,804 That's right. And like any man, I put on 325 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,074 my secret Christian underpants one leg at a time. 326 00:15:20,478 --> 00:15:24,147 Oh, you beautiful, beautiful wuss. 327 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:27,851 And Cinderella's stepmom made her sew clothes 328 00:15:27,918 --> 00:15:29,753 and mop the floor. 329 00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:31,921 We do that already. 330 00:15:31,989 --> 00:15:33,523 Wanna see me load a bobbin? 331 00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:35,058 No, I... Give me that shirt. 332 00:15:35,126 --> 00:15:37,293 I'll patch the hole in the armpit. 333 00:15:40,948 --> 00:15:42,382 Haw haw. 334 00:15:42,450 --> 00:15:44,067 Can I get this by Tuesday? 335 00:15:45,352 --> 00:15:47,320 Ned, I have a confession to make: 336 00:15:47,388 --> 00:15:48,788 I may not have come here 337 00:15:48,856 --> 00:15:50,857 solely with the noble intention of getting drunk. 338 00:15:50,925 --> 00:15:53,226 But now, from the bottom of my heart, 339 00:15:53,294 --> 00:15:55,061 I wish you and Edna the best. 340 00:15:55,129 --> 00:15:56,312 Fellow barflies. 341 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:58,882 To Ned Flanders and Edna Krabappel. 342 00:15:58,949 --> 00:15:59,883 What a fox. 343 00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:01,117 Yeah, to Edna. 344 00:16:01,185 --> 00:16:02,252 Yeah, that broad is some dame. 345 00:16:02,319 --> 00:16:03,820 You all know Edna? 346 00:16:03,888 --> 00:16:05,155 Oh, yeah, man. 347 00:16:05,222 --> 00:16:07,724 Everybody knows Edna. 348 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,526 We made sweet music in the band room, 349 00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:11,961 poetry during English class, and you don't want to know 350 00:16:12,029 --> 00:16:13,930 what we did in the multi-purpose room. 351 00:16:13,998 --> 00:16:15,598 Shut up. 352 00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:18,401 My e-mail address is Edna-lover-one-seventy-two. 353 00:16:18,469 --> 00:16:20,370 It was the lowest number I could get. 354 00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:23,406 Guys, quit telling the truth. 355 00:16:23,474 --> 00:16:25,592 Yeah, Edna's amazing. 356 00:16:25,659 --> 00:16:26,726 Joey Kramer? 357 00:16:26,794 --> 00:16:28,194 The drummer from Aerosmith? 358 00:16:28,262 --> 00:16:29,796 Yup, that's me. 359 00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:31,531 And after a night with Edna, 360 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:34,501 I couldn't walk this way, that way, or any other way. 361 00:16:34,568 --> 00:16:35,735 Ooh la la. 362 00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:39,506 Wait, you've all plucked a peach from her tree? 363 00:16:39,573 --> 00:16:41,641 Uh... Uh... 364 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:45,395 So Joey, is Wikipedia accurate when it says "Walk This Way" 365 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,363 was inspired by Young Frankenstein? 366 00:16:47,431 --> 00:16:49,732 Well Homer, you really put one over 367 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,168 on old stupid Flanders, here. 368 00:16:52,236 --> 00:16:53,403 Thanks a lot, neighbor. 369 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:55,405 Don't you mean "neighboreeno"? 370 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,273 No. Just plain neighbor. 371 00:17:02,713 --> 00:17:05,281 You stupid jerks. 372 00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:07,517 I can't believe you could be so cruel. 373 00:17:07,585 --> 00:17:10,770 Especially you, Joey Kramer. 374 00:17:13,007 --> 00:17:15,308 Ned, is anything wrong? 375 00:17:15,376 --> 00:17:17,410 You've been acting distracted all night. 376 00:17:17,478 --> 00:17:19,913 Oh, I was just wondering how many boxes of staples 377 00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:21,681 I should order for the store. 378 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,416 Does ten sound like a lot to you? 379 00:17:23,484 --> 00:17:25,051 20? 50? 380 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:26,786 What does sound like a lot to you? 381 00:17:26,854 --> 00:17:31,724 What exactly are we talking about here? 382 00:17:31,792 --> 00:17:33,293 Oh, okay. 383 00:17:33,327 --> 00:17:34,394 See you tomorrow? 384 00:17:36,163 --> 00:17:38,598 Yeah, give me a kiss, Neddy boy. 385 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,366 That's right. Kiss all the men 386 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:44,170 that have ever made their way to Edna's adventurous tongue. 387 00:17:44,238 --> 00:17:46,940 COMIC BOOK GUY: I should be discreet in my Tweet but brutal in my blog. 388 00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:49,409 We made love in so many elevators. 389 00:17:50,711 --> 00:17:52,145 Experiment. 390 00:17:53,264 --> 00:17:54,230 What is it? 391 00:17:54,298 --> 00:17:56,666 I can't do it. 392 00:17:56,734 --> 00:17:58,701 Edna, call me Delta Airlines 393 00:17:58,769 --> 00:18:00,970 'cause I can't handle your extra baggage. 394 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,306 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 395 00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:06,175 No leavin' until we all spook you on Edna's face. 396 00:18:06,243 --> 00:18:09,212 All right, pipe down back there, you'll get your chance. 397 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,114 Oh come on, Moe, quit hoggin' her face. 398 00:18:15,849 --> 00:18:18,151 I hope you're proud of yourself, Homer. 399 00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:20,954 I've got some bad news for you, Marge. 400 00:18:21,021 --> 00:18:23,556 I'm actually not. 401 00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:25,525 Well, there's Ned out on his power walk. 402 00:18:25,592 --> 00:18:26,893 Maybe you should talk to him. 403 00:18:26,961 --> 00:18:28,962 What? My doctor said "don't walk." 404 00:18:29,029 --> 00:18:30,830 That was a traffic signal. 405 00:18:30,898 --> 00:18:32,131 Hmm. 406 00:18:32,199 --> 00:18:35,268 He's a good man and a good neighbor, 407 00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:37,303 and you're drinking coffee from his mug right now. 408 00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:44,610 Hey, Flanders, hold up. 409 00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,722 I-I know you're not comfortable 410 00:18:46,927 --> 00:18:49,228 with all the guys Edna's seen around town. 411 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,663 And country. 412 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,431 Ned, I've... 413 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,368 Oh... learned that the only way 414 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:59,639 relationship survives is by forgiving. 415 00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:02,276 Endless, endless forgiving. 416 00:19:07,716 --> 00:19:10,284 And didn't the Easter Bunny himself say 417 00:19:10,352 --> 00:19:13,487 "Forgive them, father, for finding all my eggs"? 418 00:19:13,555 --> 00:19:16,991 And if giant rabbit can lay chocolate eggs, 419 00:19:17,059 --> 00:19:19,894 maybe you and Edna can find a way to make it work. 420 00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:31,805 Edna, I had a long talk with Homer Simpson yesterday, 421 00:19:31,873 --> 00:19:33,985 and as I was carrying him back home, 422 00:19:34,010 --> 00:19:35,310 I had a lot of time to think. 423 00:19:35,343 --> 00:19:39,413 You've been with a lot of men, but I forgive you. 424 00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:44,150 You "forgive" me? 425 00:19:44,218 --> 00:19:46,486 You sanctimonious prude. 426 00:19:46,554 --> 00:19:48,922 Who are you to judge how I've lived my life? 427 00:19:48,990 --> 00:19:53,226 Ned, I'm not ashamed of dating those men, I'm proud. 428 00:19:53,294 --> 00:19:56,362 I still wear your bra. 429 00:19:56,430 --> 00:19:59,299 Well, not exactly proud, but I'm stuck. 430 00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:01,468 Ned, if we're gonna stay together, 431 00:20:01,536 --> 00:20:03,671 you have to promise that my past will never, 432 00:20:03,738 --> 00:20:06,340 ever get in our way. 433 00:20:06,408 --> 00:20:10,412 I guess this is gonna have to be decided by a higher power. 434 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,048 So we're going to let the Internet decide. 435 00:20:13,116 --> 00:20:15,217 Should Ned and Edna stay together? 436 00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:18,120 Visit thesimpsons.com and vote. 437 00:20:18,187 --> 00:20:21,022 We'll announce the results in next year's season premiere. 438 00:20:21,090 --> 00:20:23,458 Probably at the end, so you'll watch the whole thing. 439 00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:27,128 There's a whole host of voting options-- friends with benefits, 440 00:20:27,195 --> 00:20:30,164 frenemies with frenefits, super friends with wonder pets, 441 00:20:30,231 --> 00:20:31,765 all designed to distract you 442 00:20:31,833 --> 00:20:33,834 while we take your personal information 443 00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:36,703 and use it to apply for credit cards in your name. 444 00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:38,939 Homer, stop teasing. 445 00:20:39,006 --> 00:20:40,107 Right. 446 00:20:40,174 --> 00:20:41,141 Teasing. 447 00:20:41,209 --> 00:20:42,676 I'm waitin' for ya. 448 00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:45,313 Also, if you wanna find the real shooter of Mr. Burns, 449 00:20:45,381 --> 00:20:46,815 go back and look for more clues. 450 00:20:46,883 --> 00:20:47,983 They're all there. 451 00:20:48,051 --> 00:20:49,652 Homie, it was Maggie. 452 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:50,719 Yeah, right. 453 00:20:50,787 --> 00:20:53,122 A baby shot a guy. 454 00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:56,893 Just vote. It's your duty as a citizen of TV. 455 00:20:56,961 --> 00:21:00,961 == sync, corrected by elderman == 456 00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:45,290 Shh!