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00:00:07,455 --> 00:00:08,822
D'oh!
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♪ The Simpsons 22x19 ♪
The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
Original Air Date on May 1, 2011
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00:00:23,512 --> 00:00:27,512
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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Oh, I was standing in this
line to use the bathroom,
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00:00:33,164 --> 00:00:35,098
but now my license
is expired.
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00:00:35,166 --> 00:00:39,436
Hey Dad, there's an arcade
across the street.
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00:00:39,503 --> 00:00:42,072
And there's really no point
in all of us waiting in line.
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00:00:42,139 --> 00:00:43,139
Hmm.
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00:00:49,296 --> 00:00:51,798
Oh, I was invited to that party.
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00:00:59,006 --> 00:01:01,808
Oh, that's good.
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00:01:03,144 --> 00:01:05,812
Next.
Woo-hoo. First in line.
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00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,814
Brought you a gift bag.
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00:01:07,882 --> 00:01:10,683
All that's left
is banana Runts.
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That's the worst Runt.
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00:01:12,303 --> 00:01:14,404
Back of the line, stranger.
Huh?
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00:01:14,472 --> 00:01:18,058
We used our last day of summer
vacation standing in this line,
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00:01:18,125 --> 00:01:19,592
and now it's time
for our reward.
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Next in line.
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00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:22,746
What am I bid for next in line?
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Five bucks.
Ten bones.
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Half a cheesesteak.
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I'll perform at
your birthday party.
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Sober.
Quarter of a cheesesteak.
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A nest with a robin's egg.
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The wrapper of a cheesesteak.
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FAT TONY:
I bid one lollipop.
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Sold, to the lowest bidder.
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Which of you losers
is next in line?
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Hello, "Selma."
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00:01:47,988 --> 00:01:50,323
I'd like to submit
a change of address.
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Leaving Mockingbird Lane,
Mr. Munster?
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00:01:53,244 --> 00:01:54,944
Excuse me?
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00:01:54,995 --> 00:01:59,716
Dad, Aunt Selma's treating a mob
boss like an ordinary taxpayer.
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00:01:59,783 --> 00:02:02,202
And we've got
front-row seats.
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00:02:02,269 --> 00:02:04,554
So, you here
for an eye test?
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00:02:04,621 --> 00:02:06,289
Read this.
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Process my form.
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00:02:09,677 --> 00:02:13,396
I'm afraid this is
the wrong form.
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00:02:13,464 --> 00:02:15,014
The one you want
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00:02:15,082 --> 00:02:18,751
is on that table.
And if I retrieve that form,
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00:02:18,819 --> 00:02:22,489
will I be able to maintain my
advantageous position in line?
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Try it and see.
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Nope.
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Geez, we had a safe
full of gold in there
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and it didn't ride so low.
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My lick.
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My lick.
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My lick.
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00:02:52,770 --> 00:02:55,054
Hey, you licked the back.
That was my side.
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00:02:55,122 --> 00:02:56,856
Aw, brother germs!
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00:02:59,076 --> 00:03:00,844
Aw, sister spit!
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00:03:07,168 --> 00:03:08,751
Hmm.
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00:03:10,654 --> 00:03:12,639
Bart, this is a truffle.
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00:03:12,706 --> 00:03:14,090
You're a truffle.
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00:03:14,158 --> 00:03:17,877
A truffle is a fungus
that grows in tree roots.
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00:03:17,945 --> 00:03:20,563
It's one of the most prized
gourmet foods in the world.
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00:03:20,631 --> 00:03:22,799
Only you can make
tree poop boring.
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00:03:28,222 --> 00:03:31,124
Bart, you can
find them by smell.
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00:03:31,192 --> 00:03:32,692
That's amazing.
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00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,762
Restaurateurs use highly-trained
pigs to sniff these out.
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00:03:35,846 --> 00:03:40,667
Come on, numb nose.
Sniff me a truffle.
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00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:43,069
I don't know why
I flew you in from Italy.
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00:03:43,137 --> 00:03:45,004
First class, no less.
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00:03:45,072 --> 00:03:46,673
Plus you forget
to get the miles.
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Interested in these?
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00:03:48,442 --> 00:03:51,644
Eh?
Jody Maroni.
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00:03:51,712 --> 00:03:53,613
But where is
your truffle pig?
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00:03:53,681 --> 00:03:55,148
You're lookin' at him.
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00:03:55,216 --> 00:03:57,016
A human pig.
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00:03:57,084 --> 00:03:59,535
Thank you, Lord,
for this abomination.
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00:03:59,603 --> 00:04:00,970
Eh, eh, eh.
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00:04:01,038 --> 00:04:04,057
You know-a the rule:
no truffles for truffle pigs.
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00:04:05,292 --> 00:04:07,827
And now that I have him,
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00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:09,796
I find a new use
for you
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00:04:09,863 --> 00:04:11,998
in my kitchen.
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00:04:12,066 --> 00:04:14,918
Yeah, that one's-a good.
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00:04:14,985 --> 00:04:17,387
Start on these.
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00:04:17,438 --> 00:04:19,255
Hey, don't run
with the knife.
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00:04:19,306 --> 00:04:21,708
Ah, stupid pig.
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00:04:21,775 --> 00:04:25,678
And I'll-a pay you top dollar
for any more truffles you find.
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00:04:25,746 --> 00:04:28,915
And whenever you eat here,
you get the best table.
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00:04:28,983 --> 00:04:30,917
Not one that goes
a-tikit-a-tikit-a-tikit-a.
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00:04:30,985 --> 00:04:32,151
Very nice.
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00:04:39,326 --> 00:04:41,377
The view was better
inside the sack.
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00:04:41,445 --> 00:04:44,647
You are one tough cookie.
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00:04:44,715 --> 00:04:48,952
I tell you what, I'll let you pick
which body part I cut off first.
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00:04:49,019 --> 00:04:51,154
Fine.
I choose my love handles.
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00:04:51,221 --> 00:04:53,923
What?
Then my arm wattles, my cankles,
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00:04:53,991 --> 00:04:56,125
and finish off
with my excess back fat.
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00:04:56,193 --> 00:04:58,161
You do not register
the level of fear,
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00:04:58,228 --> 00:05:00,063
say, Louie here would.
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00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,864
Yeah-- show some respect
for the process.
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00:05:01,932 --> 00:05:05,301
You asked what I wanted cut
off, and I want lipo.
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00:05:05,369 --> 00:05:07,837
Lots of lipo.
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00:05:07,905 --> 00:05:10,006
Or are you not a man
of your word?
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00:05:12,676 --> 00:05:14,210
I like you.
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00:05:14,278 --> 00:05:16,145
I don't know whether to knock
you on your kisser
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or kiss you on your knockers.
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00:05:18,248 --> 00:05:22,185
I don't know whether to peck you on
the kisser, or kiss you on the...
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00:05:22,252 --> 00:05:23,853
You shall have your lipo.
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00:05:23,921 --> 00:05:26,122
Call our doctor friend
who owes us a favor.
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00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:27,857
Actually, we owe him a favor.
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00:05:27,925 --> 00:05:33,563
Do him two favors, then remind
him that he owes us a favor.
104
00:05:33,630 --> 00:05:35,431
Tony, the surgery was
a complete success,
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00:05:35,499 --> 00:05:40,036
so can I take your cousin,
the "anesthesiologist"
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00:05:40,104 --> 00:05:41,337
off the payroll?
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00:05:41,405 --> 00:05:42,572
You certainly may.
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00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:45,291
Now where is my Selma?
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00:05:45,359 --> 00:05:48,561
Here's the part
that's not in the trash.
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00:05:48,629 --> 00:05:50,296
Ooh.
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00:05:50,364 --> 00:05:53,166
Boys, I'd like a little
privacy with Selma.
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00:05:53,233 --> 00:05:55,201
Why don't you take
the doctor out back?
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00:05:55,269 --> 00:05:58,838
Should we take care of him,
or "take care of him"?
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00:05:58,906 --> 00:06:01,341
Take care of him.
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00:06:01,408 --> 00:06:02,608
I don't know
what that meant.
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00:06:02,676 --> 00:06:04,344
Was it the first one
or the second one?
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00:06:04,411 --> 00:06:06,045
I can't ask him, otherwise
he's gonna "take care of me."
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00:06:06,113 --> 00:06:09,048
Now to take care of you.
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00:06:09,116 --> 00:06:13,219
Take care of me or
"take care of me"?
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00:06:13,287 --> 00:06:15,671
The one that's this one.
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00:06:17,722 --> 00:06:20,758
Selma, I just can't get
over the new you.
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00:06:20,826 --> 00:06:23,127
The world's a different place
when you've got a waist.
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00:06:23,195 --> 00:06:25,996
The clerk in the electronics
store asked me if I needed help.
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00:06:26,064 --> 00:06:27,648
Oh.
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00:06:27,716 --> 00:06:29,767
Well, well, well,
if it isn't
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"before" and "after."
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00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,270
Blob and Blob Lite.
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00:06:33,338 --> 00:06:35,022
Tweedle Yuck
and Tweedle Blecch.
129
00:06:36,975 --> 00:06:39,193
I hope I'm not
interrupting.
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00:06:39,261 --> 00:06:40,561
Um, Fat Tony.
131
00:06:40,629 --> 00:06:44,081
I was just complimenting
your beautiful girlfriend,
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00:06:44,149 --> 00:06:46,016
while insulting
her hideous twin.
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00:06:46,084 --> 00:06:48,185
I'm sorry, Fat Tony.
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00:06:48,253 --> 00:06:50,421
My husband doesn't
realize what he's saying,
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00:06:50,489 --> 00:06:52,523
then, five seconds
later...
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Oh, my God.
137
00:06:53,892 --> 00:06:56,694
All will be
forgiven.
138
00:06:56,761 --> 00:07:01,232
If you sketch a portrait of
Patty showing her inner beauty.
139
00:07:01,299 --> 00:07:04,168
You are cruel
but fair.
140
00:07:17,265 --> 00:07:18,649
I'm trying.
141
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:19,900
I swear I'm trying.
142
00:07:25,207 --> 00:07:26,690
Damn it.
143
00:07:43,542 --> 00:07:45,576
I love it here.
144
00:07:45,644 --> 00:07:48,612
The way the sun goes down
like a crooked boxer.
145
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:52,216
Selma, in this
matto, svitato world,
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00:07:52,284 --> 00:07:54,518
you've got to hold on
to the good things.
147
00:07:54,586 --> 00:07:55,853
Whoa.
148
00:07:55,921 --> 00:07:58,188
Sounds like someone's
gonna propose here.
149
00:07:58,256 --> 00:08:00,090
Shut up. You're
spoilin' the mood.
150
00:08:00,158 --> 00:08:03,460
This is how I always
pictured this moment.
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00:08:03,528 --> 00:08:05,563
Ah.
152
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:08,582
Selma, will you share
my life with me?
153
00:08:08,650 --> 00:08:13,020
Oh Tony, if there were an
Italian word for "yes,"
154
00:08:13,088 --> 00:08:15,055
I'd be saying it right now.
155
00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:21,712
♪ Con te partiro ♪
156
00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:28,302
♪ Paesi che non ho mai ♪
157
00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:33,407
♪ Veduto e vissuto con te... ♪
158
00:08:33,475 --> 00:08:35,376
How many truffles
did you get?
159
00:08:35,443 --> 00:08:36,844
More than I can count.
160
00:08:38,246 --> 00:08:40,314
Brown gold. Tuscan tea.
161
00:08:40,382 --> 00:08:42,900
Just think of what we can
do with that moolah.
162
00:08:44,069 --> 00:08:45,869
Hm, I can't find my car.
163
00:08:53,411 --> 00:08:55,095
No!
164
00:08:59,017 --> 00:09:01,652
Bart, I am putting this
money safely in the bank
165
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,823
where you will earn zero point
zero zero one percent interest.
166
00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:09,493
That's a lot of zeros.
167
00:09:09,561 --> 00:09:10,661
You know, all this
truffle hunting
168
00:09:10,729 --> 00:09:11,829
has made me a little thirsty.
169
00:09:11,896 --> 00:09:13,097
Can we go home now?
170
00:09:13,164 --> 00:09:14,898
Three more big ones
and we'll talk.
171
00:09:14,966 --> 00:09:17,001
How big?
As big as a baby's head.
172
00:09:17,068 --> 00:09:19,353
Okay.
That baby's head.
173
00:09:19,421 --> 00:09:24,525
That tick sure done swelled
you up, Normalhead Joe.
174
00:09:24,592 --> 00:09:26,727
Oh, man.
175
00:09:31,666 --> 00:09:35,369
Vi dichiaro marito e
presunta moglie.
176
00:09:35,453 --> 00:09:37,488
You may now kiss one another.
177
00:09:40,792 --> 00:09:46,080
Yes! I am so happy
I lived to see this day.
178
00:09:46,147 --> 00:09:47,648
He did give her
the kiss of death, right?
179
00:09:47,716 --> 00:09:48,949
No!
180
00:09:49,017 --> 00:09:51,652
Oh, I decorated her
car for nothing.
181
00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:00,343
Excuse me.
182
00:10:00,395 --> 00:10:01,962
We can't find
our seats.
183
00:10:02,030 --> 00:10:03,597
Marge and Homer Simpson.
184
00:10:03,665 --> 00:10:05,132
Oh yes, you're at table 46.
185
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,834
Hmm?
186
00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:08,369
Right this way.
187
00:10:08,436 --> 00:10:11,822
There must be
some mistake.
188
00:10:11,873 --> 00:10:14,375
Oh, it's no mistake.
189
00:10:14,459 --> 00:10:15,576
That table is Tony
and his friends.
190
00:10:15,643 --> 00:10:17,444
This table is the DMV.
191
00:10:17,512 --> 00:10:19,380
This one, Legitimate
Businessmen of Shelbyville,
192
00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:20,264
FBI,
193
00:10:20,331 --> 00:10:21,598
children's table,
gifts,
194
00:10:21,666 --> 00:10:23,350
then you.
195
00:10:23,418 --> 00:10:26,270
And how do you
know the bride?
196
00:10:26,337 --> 00:10:29,306
I'm her sister.
And you?
197
00:10:29,374 --> 00:10:31,742
I bought her ping-pong
table on Craig's List.
198
00:10:31,810 --> 00:10:34,511
Color yourself slighted.
199
00:10:34,579 --> 00:10:36,063
♪ ♪
200
00:10:36,131 --> 00:10:38,098
So, how's your Tiramisu?
201
00:10:38,166 --> 00:10:40,501
We haven't even gotten
our salads yet.
202
00:10:40,568 --> 00:10:43,670
So, who wants a picture
with the happy couple?
203
00:10:45,306 --> 00:10:48,108
Why did you seat
us in Siberia?
204
00:10:48,176 --> 00:10:50,944
Because somebody's
husband has a reputation
205
00:10:51,012 --> 00:10:53,881
for embarrassing himself
in public situations.
206
00:10:53,948 --> 00:10:56,316
He's on his
best behavior,
207
00:10:56,384 --> 00:10:59,703
which is very impressive considering
he's mad about a sports result.
208
00:10:59,771 --> 00:11:01,872
Lousy St. Louis Cardinals.
209
00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:05,943
Can't win the 1985 World
Series on Classic Sports.
210
00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:08,912
Smile for the camera.
211
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:10,748
I was never sure
about this marriage.
212
00:11:10,815 --> 00:11:12,382
With that attitude,
213
00:11:12,450 --> 00:11:14,551
don't bother coming
to the brunch tomorrow.
214
00:11:14,619 --> 00:11:16,770
We're throwing
the brunch!
215
00:11:24,129 --> 00:11:26,196
Man, that photographer
got everything.
216
00:11:29,052 --> 00:11:30,553
I still can't believe it.
217
00:11:30,621 --> 00:11:34,572
I have never been so snubbed
at one of Selma's weddings.
218
00:11:37,178 --> 00:11:38,879
Fat Tony!
Are you going to cut my head off
219
00:11:38,939 --> 00:11:40,774
and leave it in a manger scene
at Christmas,
220
00:11:40,841 --> 00:11:42,442
and then an old Italian nun
finds it?
221
00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:45,011
And she's all,
"Oh, no, no, no!
222
00:11:45,062 --> 00:11:46,980
"Oh, no, no!
223
00:11:47,047 --> 00:11:49,649
He's too beautiful
to die!"
224
00:11:52,153 --> 00:11:54,804
Homer, to restore
the sisterical bond,
225
00:11:54,872 --> 00:11:57,791
you and Marge are invited
to spend the weekend
226
00:11:57,858 --> 00:12:00,727
with us at our house
down the shore.
227
00:12:00,795 --> 00:12:02,162
Mmm.
228
00:12:03,564 --> 00:12:05,198
So should I bring a towel?
229
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,067
We have towels.
230
00:12:07,134 --> 00:12:11,571
Um,
I take a special size.
231
00:12:13,174 --> 00:12:15,525
Come on, Bart. We've
been out here for hours.
232
00:12:15,593 --> 00:12:17,227
Maybe we've found
all the truffles.
233
00:12:17,294 --> 00:12:18,728
The only thing
I've dug up
234
00:12:18,796 --> 00:12:20,897
was these
weird-looking mushrooms.
235
00:12:20,965 --> 00:12:22,932
I'll dispose
of those for you.
236
00:12:23,017 --> 00:12:26,219
Koyaanisqatsi,
you're about to get watched.
237
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:29,622
Listen, why don't we just
stop this and divide the money?
238
00:12:29,690 --> 00:12:31,791
The money?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
239
00:12:31,859 --> 00:12:34,094
The money is working for us.
240
00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:36,863
What's not working
is your stupid sense of smell.
241
00:12:36,931 --> 00:12:39,015
All I smell here
is desperation.
242
00:12:46,607 --> 00:12:50,493
Ooh. Commentary by Philip Glass.
243
00:12:53,881 --> 00:12:54,948
Huh?
244
00:12:55,015 --> 00:12:56,750
No more distractions.
245
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:59,018
Find those truffles.
Mush!
246
00:12:59,086 --> 00:13:01,855
If you think that makes me
a better musher, you're wrong.
247
00:13:01,922 --> 00:13:03,490
Wait a second.
248
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,510
Huh?
249
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:08,928
This is our house.
250
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:12,382
There's nothing buried here
but hopes and dreams.
251
00:13:17,938 --> 00:13:19,305
The truffle's
right over here.
252
00:13:24,445 --> 00:13:25,645
The truffle's
in your room?
253
00:13:25,713 --> 00:13:27,347
I thought you'd
been selling them.
254
00:13:27,414 --> 00:13:30,350
Bart, I haven't
been selling the truffles.
255
00:13:30,417 --> 00:13:31,951
I've been eating them.
256
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,586
Really? Why?
257
00:13:33,654 --> 00:13:35,722
Vegetarian food
is so boring.
258
00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:37,290
Pasta, soy.
259
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:39,058
You know what's
a bad pizza topping?
260
00:13:39,126 --> 00:13:40,393
Broccoli!
261
00:13:40,461 --> 00:13:41,995
But I worked so hard.
262
00:13:42,062 --> 00:13:44,197
I've got dirt under my
fingernails I'll never get out.
263
00:13:44,265 --> 00:13:45,465
Not that I'm going to try.
264
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,683
I'm sorry, Bart.
265
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,802
Take the last truffle.
Do whatever you want.
266
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,403
Sell it, eat it.
267
00:13:50,471 --> 00:13:54,440
Or give it to someone
who deserves it.
268
00:13:54,508 --> 00:13:56,008
You spent your life
searching for these,
269
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,011
but you never had one.
270
00:13:58,078 --> 00:14:00,647
Well, this is yours.
271
00:14:00,698 --> 00:14:03,883
Bart, you've done a
truly kind thing.
272
00:14:18,532 --> 00:14:20,466
Aah! Hey!
273
00:14:20,534 --> 00:14:23,803
Oh, so that's why they
don't give pigs truffles.
274
00:14:26,423 --> 00:14:28,725
I don't think this
is a good idea at all.
275
00:14:28,809 --> 00:14:32,011
The only husband of Selma's
I liked was Disco Stu.
276
00:14:32,062 --> 00:14:34,314
He was so upbeat--
277
00:14:34,381 --> 00:14:36,733
till he found out
she didn't care for disco.
278
00:14:36,817 --> 00:14:38,701
Yeah, that's his thing.
279
00:14:38,769 --> 00:14:41,487
Anyway, Fat Tony and I
think this is a chance
280
00:14:41,555 --> 00:14:43,439
to patch things up
between you and Selma.
281
00:14:43,524 --> 00:14:45,391
Plus, it's a free
weekend at the beach.
282
00:14:46,777 --> 00:14:48,912
Hey, Louie.
Don't ask me why,
283
00:14:48,996 --> 00:14:52,048
but I got a funny feeling
about the new guy.
284
00:14:52,116 --> 00:14:55,068
Uh, let's brag
about our crimes.
285
00:14:55,135 --> 00:14:57,003
You first.
286
00:14:59,506 --> 00:15:01,140
Homer, Marge.
287
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:02,575
Come meet the family.
288
00:15:02,643 --> 00:15:04,143
These are my nephews,
289
00:15:04,211 --> 00:15:07,814
Stevie B., Stevie F.
and Vincent.
290
00:15:07,882 --> 00:15:10,149
Yeah, but you can call us
S-Money, Jell-O Shot
291
00:15:10,217 --> 00:15:11,451
and The Occurrence.
292
00:15:11,518 --> 00:15:13,620
I will.
293
00:15:13,687 --> 00:15:15,288
This is my niece, Tushie.
294
00:15:15,356 --> 00:15:17,824
She's got two semesters
under her belt
295
00:15:17,892 --> 00:15:20,360
in Contemporary
Italian-American Design
296
00:15:20,427 --> 00:15:23,296
from Sandy Hook
Vocational Institute.
297
00:15:23,364 --> 00:15:25,498
Ah, shut your
face, Uncle Tone.
298
00:15:25,566 --> 00:15:28,601
God, you two
are super pale.
299
00:15:28,669 --> 00:15:30,003
But not to worry--
300
00:15:30,070 --> 00:15:31,971
every light in the house
is a tanning light.
301
00:15:32,039 --> 00:15:33,139
Ooh.
302
00:15:33,207 --> 00:15:34,507
Can you read by it?
303
00:15:34,575 --> 00:15:35,875
No one's ever tried.
304
00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:40,063
Yeah!
305
00:15:40,130 --> 00:15:42,348
These people are always grinding
against each other,
306
00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:43,967
and I think they're all related.
307
00:15:44,034 --> 00:15:45,885
I wish we'd never come.
308
00:15:45,953 --> 00:15:47,420
Selma?!
309
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,322
Va-va-va... wha...?!
310
00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:51,257
Why can't you
support my marriage?
311
00:15:51,308 --> 00:15:52,759
You've never
supported mine.
312
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,360
You married a pig.
313
00:15:54,428 --> 00:15:56,696
Well, you married someone
whose first name is Fat.
314
00:15:58,966 --> 00:16:01,384
I'm late for my
mani-pedi-spray-tan.
315
00:16:07,024 --> 00:16:08,691
Ah, yeah!
316
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:09,859
Huh?
317
00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:14,063
Yeah!
318
00:16:14,131 --> 00:16:16,165
Boo-freaking-ya!
Losers chug!
319
00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:18,151
Well, if you insist.
320
00:16:20,571 --> 00:16:21,904
Chug! Chug! Chug!
321
00:16:21,972 --> 00:16:23,640
Chug! Chug! Chug!
322
00:16:23,707 --> 00:16:26,109
Ooh, yeah.
323
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:28,945
Mind if I join you?
324
00:16:29,013 --> 00:16:30,480
Look at our men, Marge.
325
00:16:30,547 --> 00:16:31,848
They're having a great time.
326
00:16:33,851 --> 00:16:36,119
You are such a
gentle kisser.
327
00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:38,554
You were kind of all over the place.
Ooh!
328
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,056
Maybe I've been
mean to Homer
329
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:42,325
because I was jealous
of your happiness.
330
00:16:42,393 --> 00:16:43,960
Now that I'm
truly happy,
331
00:16:44,028 --> 00:16:46,429
maybe all four of us
can start over.
332
00:16:46,497 --> 00:16:48,264
Hmm.
333
00:16:50,234 --> 00:16:53,953
♪ Tell me,
when will you be mine? ♪
334
00:16:54,021 --> 00:16:56,522
♪ Tell me, quando,
quando, quando? ♪
335
00:16:56,573 --> 00:16:57,640
♪ Hey! ♪
336
00:16:59,126 --> 00:17:00,827
The boys needed to breathe.
337
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,095
Wouldn't they be girls?
338
00:17:02,162 --> 00:17:03,796
Mine are boys.
339
00:17:03,864 --> 00:17:05,031
Hmm.
340
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,922
Which is
our room again?
341
00:17:13,007 --> 00:17:14,724
You know-- it had that painting
342
00:17:14,808 --> 00:17:17,043
of that lady and the monster
on the ceiling.
343
00:17:17,111 --> 00:17:19,545
That was a mirror.
344
00:17:19,613 --> 00:17:21,114
Looking good, boss.
345
00:17:21,181 --> 00:17:23,082
Yeah, you look
like Johnnie Handsome
346
00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:24,751
before we shot him
in the face.
347
00:17:24,818 --> 00:17:27,353
Hey, I got to look
good for my goomar.
348
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,255
Goomar?
349
00:17:29,323 --> 00:17:31,524
That's mob talk for "mistress."
350
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,793
Fat Tony has a mistress.
351
00:17:33,861 --> 00:17:36,329
He's cheating on Selma?
That's crazy.
352
00:17:36,397 --> 00:17:38,831
Why go out for
a hamburger
353
00:17:38,899 --> 00:17:41,634
when you got rancid
steak at home?
354
00:17:41,702 --> 00:17:44,670
Uh, I'll just sit here quietly.
355
00:17:46,006 --> 00:17:47,090
Sorry.
356
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:57,509
How could Tony
cheat on me so soon?
357
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,845
You know, Selma,
from what I've seen here,
358
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,015
Fat Tony has a lot
of bad influences on him.
359
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,184
I walked
through a door last night,
360
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,286
and they were playing cards...
361
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:09,054
for real money.
362
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:12,224
Well, Homer and I are going
to take you away right now.
363
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:13,926
Oh, can't we stay one more day?
364
00:18:13,994 --> 00:18:16,395
The Occurrence and I are going
to the tanning salon
365
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,497
and get oiled and broiled.
366
00:18:20,984 --> 00:18:23,953
Sorry, The Occurrence,
but to use your lingo,
367
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,455
Homer and I have
to be "that guy."
368
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,791
Whoa!
You don't want to be that guy.
369
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,676
I don't want to
be that guy,
370
00:18:30,744 --> 00:18:33,195
but Marge is making
me be that guy.
371
00:18:33,263 --> 00:18:34,163
Enough!
372
00:18:35,265 --> 00:18:37,399
Homer, good morning.
373
00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:40,069
May I interest you
in a pool noodle?
374
00:18:40,136 --> 00:18:43,839
We also got pool ziti,
pool fusilli--
375
00:18:43,907 --> 00:18:47,726
or if you don't like those,
Mama will make you one special.
376
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:53,699
Mother Mary herself
couldn't make
377
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:55,618
a noodle big enough
to float this one.
378
00:18:55,685 --> 00:18:57,152
In nomine patris et filli...
379
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,704
Tony, we have to leave.
380
00:18:58,772 --> 00:19:00,406
For the record,
I want to emphasize
381
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:03,108
we're not leaving because
today is "cleanup."
382
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,727
Leave? Why?
383
00:19:04,794 --> 00:19:07,029
Because you have a girlfriend!
384
00:19:07,097 --> 00:19:08,480
Oh.
385
00:19:08,531 --> 00:19:11,650
It is true,
but it is not what you think.
386
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:16,221
Where is she?
Where is this other woman?
387
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,289
You're the goomar?
388
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,157
I'm Fat Tony's wife.
389
00:19:19,209 --> 00:19:20,592
You're the goomar.
390
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,328
You're nuts.
391
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:23,929
And I've got the
ring to prove it.
392
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:26,231
That's a goomar ring.
393
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,334
This is a wife ring.
394
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,254
That's a wife ring?
395
00:19:32,322 --> 00:19:33,555
Marge, don't look.
396
00:19:33,623 --> 00:19:35,174
This doesn't
make any sense.
397
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:36,608
There was a wedding.
398
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,310
You exchanged vows.
399
00:19:38,361 --> 00:19:40,479
I can explain.
400
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:44,016
If you spoke Italian,
which I knew you did not,
401
00:19:44,084 --> 00:19:48,103
you would have known that those
were goomar-goombah vows.
402
00:20:07,657 --> 00:20:11,110
Marge, if I ever tell you
I want to get married again,
403
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,729
I want you to stick
your thumbs into my eyes.
404
00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,681
Yeah, we can show you
how to do it.
405
00:20:15,732 --> 00:20:18,484
The trick is, you don't stop
till you hear a pop.
406
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:23,022
You missed my first open house
as a licensed real estate broker
407
00:20:23,073 --> 00:20:24,890
for this brutta puttana?
408
00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:27,476
I've hit on
enough pizza boys
409
00:20:27,544 --> 00:20:28,811
to know what
that means.
410
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,730
Then, bring it on,
sister!
411
00:20:34,968 --> 00:20:36,552
You were right, Marge.
412
00:20:36,619 --> 00:20:38,887
These people
are not for us.
413
00:20:38,955 --> 00:20:42,841
In a good marriage,
you never say, "I told you so."
414
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:46,111
Which is lucky for me,
because you're always right.
415
00:20:46,179 --> 00:20:47,813
Oh.
416
00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:50,265
Mmm.
417
00:20:52,435 --> 00:20:56,238
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
418
00:21:44,454 --> 00:21:46,288
Shh!