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00:00:06,620 --> 00:00:09,620
♪ The Simpsons 22x08 ♪
The Fight Before Christmas
Original Air Date on December 5, 2010
2
00:00:09,820 --> 00:00:12,120
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
3
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...heavy!
4
00:00:15,093 --> 00:00:15,593
Aah!
5
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Wrong holiday, stupid.
6
00:00:20,410 --> 00:00:22,411
Ho, ho, ho.
7
00:00:22,479 --> 00:00:24,813
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
8
00:00:24,881 --> 00:00:25,981
Ho, ho, ho!
9
00:00:26,049 --> 00:00:28,050
I could use some help!
10
00:00:28,118 --> 00:00:32,621
Marge, I'm watching a rerun
of an important bowl game.
11
00:00:32,689 --> 00:00:34,623
And that last
touchdown makes it 67 to 13.
12
00:00:34,691 --> 00:00:36,058
Maggie!
13
00:00:36,126 --> 00:00:38,627
Lisa, what
are you doing?
14
00:00:38,695 --> 00:00:40,596
Marking a crime scene.
15
00:00:40,663 --> 00:00:42,664
To celebrate
an ancient pagan ritual,
16
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this tree was cut down
17
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:46,802
and tarted up like a
dime-a-dance floozy.
18
00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:49,004
Oh...
19
00:00:49,072 --> 00:00:51,840
Next you'll have a problem
with my gingerbread house.
20
00:00:51,908 --> 00:00:53,575
You mean
your gingerbread McMansion.
21
00:00:56,679 --> 00:00:58,046
Hey, show some respect.
22
00:00:58,114 --> 00:01:01,150
Three gingerbread workmen
died making that.
23
00:01:01,217 --> 00:01:04,419
I'm sorry,
but this leg's gonna have to go.
24
00:01:06,089 --> 00:01:08,557
You're gonna be okay.
25
00:01:08,625 --> 00:01:10,926
It's almost over.
26
00:01:10,994 --> 00:01:12,661
Now to take care
of the witnesses.
27
00:01:13,863 --> 00:01:16,798
Hey, I need those
cookies for Santa.
28
00:01:16,866 --> 00:01:21,270
At least someone around here's
got the Christmas spirit.
29
00:01:21,337 --> 00:01:23,438
Yep. Come midnight,
I'll be sitting here
30
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with cold cookies,
warm milk, and hot lead.
31
00:01:27,277 --> 00:01:28,911
What...?
For the last three years,
32
00:01:28,978 --> 00:01:31,880
I've asked that rosy-cheeked
nog-hog for a dirt bike,
33
00:01:31,948 --> 00:01:34,283
and all he brought me
was a zillion lame-o toys
34
00:01:34,350 --> 00:01:36,685
that I immediately broke
and threw in this bag.
35
00:01:39,889 --> 00:01:42,357
But you wanted those toys.
36
00:01:42,425 --> 00:01:44,526
I wanted them
till I got them.
37
00:01:44,594 --> 00:01:48,230
But this year,
I'm gettin' my dirt bike.
38
00:01:48,298 --> 00:01:51,800
Even Mac Davis himself
couldn't save this Christmas.
39
00:01:51,868 --> 00:01:54,336
Great, Mom. Now I lost track
of my pump count.
40
00:01:54,404 --> 00:01:55,704
One pump, two pump...
41
00:02:05,615 --> 00:02:08,450
Bowl full of jelly,
pump lead in his belly...
42
00:02:12,055 --> 00:02:13,121
What?
43
00:02:14,857 --> 00:02:16,792
All aboard the Polar Express!
44
00:02:16,859 --> 00:02:18,527
Direct service
to the North Pole,
45
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with stops
at Candy Cane Corners,
46
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Sugarplum Square,
Jack Frost Junction,
47
00:02:23,566 --> 00:02:25,133
Fa-La-La-La Lane,
48
00:02:25,201 --> 00:02:27,736
Nutcracker Street,
and Hanukkah Heights.
49
00:02:27,804 --> 00:02:29,705
Some "express."
50
00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:32,774
We're flying!
51
00:02:32,842 --> 00:02:35,010
Yep, she'll fly, all right.
52
00:02:35,061 --> 00:02:36,144
You just got to
keep her happy.
53
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♪ Strange days have found us ♪
54
00:02:56,599 --> 00:03:03,538
♪ Strange days
have tracked us down... ♪
55
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Excuse me, Mr. Goblin?
56
00:03:09,379 --> 00:03:10,812
Elf! I'm an elf!
57
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,180
Whatever you say.
58
00:03:12,248 --> 00:03:14,116
Um, look, how do
I get to Santa?
59
00:03:14,183 --> 00:03:17,102
Oh, no. Only the top
elves get to meet Santa.
60
00:03:17,186 --> 00:03:18,954
You start in the
wrapping room.
61
00:03:19,022 --> 00:03:20,255
That'll take
you right down.
62
00:03:22,692 --> 00:03:24,026
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doin'?
63
00:03:24,093 --> 00:03:25,394
That leads to the
daycare center.
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You take the
freight elevator.
65
00:03:37,774 --> 00:03:40,909
Isn't this the busy season?
66
00:03:40,977 --> 00:03:42,210
Where is everybody?
67
00:03:42,278 --> 00:03:43,912
Laid off.
68
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:47,015
After NAFTA, a lot of these
jobs went to the South Pole.
69
00:03:47,083 --> 00:03:48,817
Well, who needs
wrapping paper, anyway?
70
00:03:48,885 --> 00:03:51,019
Just stick a bow on the toy
and you're ready to go.
71
00:03:51,087 --> 00:03:54,456
Bow, bow, bow, bow,
bing, bang, boom!
72
00:03:54,524 --> 00:03:56,591
Ooh. You are
clearly too smart
73
00:03:56,659 --> 00:03:58,427
to be down here with
these dingle-bells.
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00:03:58,494 --> 00:04:00,796
I'm promotin' you
to Toy Inspector.
75
00:04:00,863 --> 00:04:02,497
Uh, the rest of youse,
you're laid off.
76
00:04:02,565 --> 00:04:03,765
Scram.
77
00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:05,767
I can't lose
my health insurance.
78
00:04:05,835 --> 00:04:07,703
My lungs are full
of candy cane dust!
79
00:04:09,372 --> 00:04:11,940
Hey, you twos can go work
for the Easter Bunny.
80
00:04:12,008 --> 00:04:14,042
Oh that's right.
He ain't real.
81
00:04:24,654 --> 00:04:28,290
Kid, you got a lot of
shoddy, money-saving ideas.
82
00:04:28,358 --> 00:04:30,892
Like a major airline, but
you were here on time.
83
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,327
Come with me.
84
00:04:40,636 --> 00:04:42,304
So you're the
brown-nosed reindeer
85
00:04:42,372 --> 00:04:44,005
that's jingled all
the way to the top.
86
00:04:44,073 --> 00:04:45,640
Just point me to Santa.
87
00:04:45,708 --> 00:04:47,776
Oh, I know
what you're after.
88
00:04:47,844 --> 00:04:49,745
The toy you never got.
89
00:04:49,812 --> 00:04:51,346
You're out
of your elfin mind.
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00:04:51,414 --> 00:04:53,849
Oh, really?
Well, let me ask you this.
91
00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:57,319
How many kids bring
a gun to meet Santa?
92
00:04:57,387 --> 00:04:58,920
Okay. You got me.
93
00:04:58,988 --> 00:05:00,856
And I'm gettin' my dirt bike.
And you can't stop me.
94
00:05:00,923 --> 00:05:02,124
Security!
95
00:05:18,775 --> 00:05:21,543
No disrespect, fat man,
96
00:05:21,611 --> 00:05:23,845
but you'd better
crap out a dirt bike.
97
00:05:23,913 --> 00:05:25,480
Close the door, boy.
98
00:05:25,548 --> 00:05:27,549
I can't afford to heat
the whole North Pole!
99
00:05:31,387 --> 00:05:32,921
Listen here, Kringle.
100
00:05:32,989 --> 00:05:34,423
I may have
been naughty this year.
101
00:05:34,490 --> 00:05:36,425
But by today's standards,
naughty's nothing.
102
00:05:36,492 --> 00:05:37,626
I didn't get
anybody pregnant.
103
00:05:37,693 --> 00:05:39,027
I didn't Facebook
a kid to death.
104
00:05:39,095 --> 00:05:40,662
Make with my dirt bike!
105
00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:42,731
Kid, this company's bust.
106
00:05:42,799 --> 00:05:44,866
For years I've been
giving out free toys
107
00:05:44,934 --> 00:05:46,668
and getting
cookies in return.
108
00:05:46,736 --> 00:05:49,404
It's not a sustainable
business model.
109
00:05:49,472 --> 00:05:50,639
Oh, come on, man.
110
00:05:50,706 --> 00:05:52,140
Things aren't that bad.
111
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They're pretty bad.
112
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I'm eating my own reindeer here!
113
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Oh... You win.
114
00:06:00,616 --> 00:06:01,683
That's a good boy.
115
00:06:01,751 --> 00:06:03,452
You go home now,
116
00:06:03,519 --> 00:06:04,953
and maybe there'll
be a nice pair
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00:06:05,021 --> 00:06:07,055
of work socks
under your tree.
118
00:06:07,123 --> 00:06:08,557
You don't have
to do that.
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I have socks.
I'll give you socks!
120
00:06:11,027 --> 00:06:12,594
Thanks, kid.
121
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Now you better
head home.
122
00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:16,798
I'm sure in the 25 years of
Earth time you've been gone,
123
00:06:16,866 --> 00:06:18,600
your parents have
gotten worried.
124
00:06:20,236 --> 00:06:22,304
Kids never change.
125
00:06:22,371 --> 00:06:24,239
Always dumb as potatoes.
126
00:06:25,842 --> 00:06:27,709
♪ It was December 24th,
on Hollis Ave at the dark ♪
127
00:06:27,777 --> 00:06:30,111
♪ When I seen a man chillin'
with his dog at the park ♪
128
00:06:30,179 --> 00:06:32,647
♪ I approached him very slowly,
with my heart full of fear ♪
129
00:06:32,715 --> 00:06:35,050
♪ Looked at his dog--
oh, my God!-- a ill reindeer! ♪
130
00:06:35,117 --> 00:06:37,719
♪ But then I was illin'
'cause the man had a beard ♪
131
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♪ And a bag full of goodies,
12:00 had neared ♪
132
00:06:39,889 --> 00:06:41,973
♪ So I turned my head
a second and the man... ♪
133
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Pull over!
134
00:06:45,895 --> 00:06:49,130
Hey kid, you ever wanted
a train for Christmas?
135
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This one's yours.
136
00:06:59,256 --> 00:07:02,558
Why can't they leave a poor tree
in the woods where it belongs?
137
00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:08,037
♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪
138
00:07:08,105 --> 00:07:13,442
♪ If only in my dreams. ♪
139
00:07:13,510 --> 00:07:16,112
Hey, hey, that song
goes out to all the G.I.s
140
00:07:16,179 --> 00:07:19,148
overseas and the folks
missing 'em here at home.
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00:07:19,216 --> 00:07:21,951
Brought to you by
Chesterton cigarettes.
142
00:07:22,019 --> 00:07:24,320
Chesterton-- they feel like me,
singing in your throat.
143
00:07:25,422 --> 00:07:26,956
Can it really be Christmas
144
00:07:27,024 --> 00:07:29,425
when one of our parents
is facing the German army?
145
00:07:29,493 --> 00:07:31,460
Simpson, get your helmet on
146
00:07:31,528 --> 00:07:32,895
I'm trying.
147
00:07:32,963 --> 00:07:34,830
It just keeps popping off.
148
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,733
Ach du lieber!
149
00:07:39,236 --> 00:07:41,070
You can make it
through this, Marge.
150
00:07:41,138 --> 00:07:42,538
Just think of Homer.
151
00:07:49,813 --> 00:07:51,480
Hey, Simpson.
152
00:07:51,548 --> 00:07:54,583
How come you ain't in
combat like a real man?
153
00:07:54,651 --> 00:07:56,652
I'm too fat to
fit in a foxhole.
154
00:07:59,489 --> 00:08:01,357
Kids, remember
when I promised to feed us
155
00:08:01,425 --> 00:08:03,059
from that victory garden?
156
00:08:03,126 --> 00:08:04,694
Well, instead, I grew this tree.
157
00:08:04,761 --> 00:08:07,263
Don't dare bring that
thing in here.
158
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:09,365
What? You don't want
a Christmas tree?
159
00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:10,599
That's crazy.
160
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:12,401
Next you won't want
a Christmas ham.
161
00:08:12,469 --> 00:08:13,903
Don't worry about that.
162
00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:16,839
I love meat and I always will.
163
00:08:16,907 --> 00:08:20,810
Mm-mm! That is
some sweet pig meat.
164
00:08:20,877 --> 00:08:23,379
But as for Christmas trees,
I used to love them,
165
00:08:23,447 --> 00:08:24,747
until last year...
166
00:08:27,317 --> 00:08:29,985
This tree reminds me
of your father.
167
00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:32,488
It's round in the middle,
thinning on top,
168
00:08:32,556 --> 00:08:35,191
and your hands get sticky
when you touch it.
169
00:08:35,258 --> 00:08:37,059
Simpson, you're shipping
out tonight.
170
00:08:37,127 --> 00:08:39,045
Right before Christmas?
171
00:08:39,129 --> 00:08:41,530
Hitler doesn't
take a holiday.
172
00:08:41,598 --> 00:08:43,466
Well, he does, but he
doesn't tell people
173
00:08:43,533 --> 00:08:45,935
till the last minute,
so they can't make plans.
174
00:08:46,002 --> 00:08:47,470
Bastard.
175
00:08:47,537 --> 00:08:48,337
But I... oh...
176
00:08:53,877 --> 00:08:57,146
So I never want to see
another Christmas tree
177
00:08:57,214 --> 00:09:00,483
until Mom comes back,
safe and sound.
178
00:09:01,885 --> 00:09:03,452
Sweetie, if your mother
was in trouble,
179
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,688
they'd tell us as
soon as they could.
180
00:09:05,756 --> 00:09:07,223
Telegram!
D'oh!
181
00:09:10,827 --> 00:09:13,229
Marge is Mia?
182
00:09:13,296 --> 00:09:14,363
Oh, my God!
183
00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:16,332
She changed her name!
184
00:09:16,399 --> 00:09:19,568
No, that says she's
missing in action.
185
00:09:19,636 --> 00:09:20,970
Oh, no!
186
00:09:21,037 --> 00:09:23,272
See?
187
00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:26,809
Every time we get
a tree, Mom disappears.
188
00:09:26,877 --> 00:09:29,278
Why couldn't it have been me?
It still could be.
189
00:09:29,346 --> 00:09:31,680
You just have to go down to
the recruiting station and--
190
00:09:31,748 --> 00:09:32,882
Shut up.
191
00:09:41,191 --> 00:09:43,025
Huh?
192
00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:48,564
Oh, no!
193
00:09:48,632 --> 00:09:50,766
This is where
they took Mom from me.
194
00:09:54,938 --> 00:09:56,739
I've been waiting for you.
195
00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:00,509
Your mom paid for this tree
196
00:10:00,577 --> 00:10:02,478
last year, but never took it.
197
00:10:02,546 --> 00:10:03,879
I've watered it,
kept it fresh,
198
00:10:03,947 --> 00:10:06,715
and every time
I look at this blue spruce,
199
00:10:06,783 --> 00:10:08,484
it reminds me
of your good old mom.
200
00:10:08,552 --> 00:10:10,336
Here, let me trim it for you.
201
00:10:12,455 --> 00:10:14,757
And decorate it a little.
202
00:10:16,459 --> 00:10:19,395
It's a sign. Mom's okay.
203
00:10:19,462 --> 00:10:22,398
Thank you.
204
00:10:22,465 --> 00:10:25,301
Yeah. My only sale all year
and it's not even a sale.
205
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,304
Whose turn is it to cry?
206
00:10:28,939 --> 00:10:30,306
Yours.
207
00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:37,012
Quit your bellyaching about
Marge and let me read the paper.
208
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,113
Look at that picture!
209
00:10:42,752 --> 00:10:44,820
Oh, for cryin' out loud.
210
00:10:47,224 --> 00:10:48,557
Huh?
211
00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:50,826
I thought you said you
didn't want a tree.
212
00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:53,796
Yes, but then I learned that
there's always hope.
213
00:10:53,864 --> 00:10:56,265
Someday this war will be over.
214
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,234
Someday our mom will be back.
215
00:10:58,301 --> 00:11:02,338
Someday TV will be invented,
and it will be free.
216
00:11:02,405 --> 00:11:03,606
Then it will cost money.
217
00:11:03,673 --> 00:11:05,274
But until then,
this tree will stand
218
00:11:05,342 --> 00:11:07,176
for everything Mom believes in:
219
00:11:07,244 --> 00:11:11,013
home, family, and constantly
sweeping up needles.
220
00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:15,284
♪ O tannenbaum, o tannenbaum ♪
221
00:11:15,352 --> 00:11:19,021
♪ Wie treu sind deine bl tter ♪
222
00:11:19,089 --> 00:11:20,522
♪ Du gr nst nicht nur ♪
223
00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:23,158
♪ Zur sommerzeit ♪
224
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:26,195
♪ Nein auch im winter,
wenn es schneit... ♪
225
00:11:50,553 --> 00:11:52,788
I pooped my tights.
226
00:12:15,445 --> 00:12:16,445
Ah!
227
00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:23,986
Nein, nein, why did I go
to the 9:00 show?!
228
00:12:24,054 --> 00:12:26,422
Das ist Hitler.
229
00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:33,595
Auf Wiedersehen.
230
00:12:35,598 --> 00:12:37,433
This is the last time
I bring these two
231
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,501
to bed at the same time.
232
00:12:43,112 --> 00:12:45,980
I've always believed in you
even when others didn't.
233
00:12:46,048 --> 00:12:48,750
Can you help save
our family Christmas?
234
00:12:48,818 --> 00:12:50,652
Marge Simpson.
235
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:19,214
Marge Simpson, I'm on my way.
236
00:13:25,287 --> 00:13:26,588
Wake up, Marge.
237
00:13:26,655 --> 00:13:28,623
Magical memories
don't make themselves.
238
00:13:28,691 --> 00:13:30,725
Martha Stewart!
239
00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:32,560
How did you get in here?
240
00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:34,262
A picket fence
stood on its end
241
00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:36,064
makes a sturdy
and attractive ladder.
242
00:13:36,132 --> 00:13:37,432
Now let's make that bed.
243
00:13:46,809 --> 00:13:49,511
A smattering of pinecones.
244
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,312
And with a little bit of work,
this wedding dress
245
00:13:51,380 --> 00:13:53,681
can make a great dust ruffle.
246
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:56,618
B-But I was gonna--
oh... Ooh!
247
00:13:59,388 --> 00:14:02,457
So this stuff will
just shampoo out, huh?
248
00:14:02,525 --> 00:14:04,058
Why would you want
to shampoo it out?
249
00:14:06,829 --> 00:14:08,696
Me and Milhouse had
a snowball fight,
250
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,266
then an ice-ball fight,
then a fight-fight.
251
00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,835
You boys want to play soldier?
252
00:14:13,903 --> 00:14:16,971
I can't think of a better way
to spend Jesus's birthday.
253
00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:26,314
I'm not sure I like
where this is going.
254
00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:28,650
Well, I'm not sure anyone
asked your opinion.
255
00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:44,098
Squeeze your shoulder
blades together.
256
00:14:44,166 --> 00:14:46,568
Now march,
and after an hour you can relax
257
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,636
with some hand-shaved hot cocoa
258
00:14:48,704 --> 00:14:51,573
and a trial subscription
to Martha Stewart Living.
259
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,274
Yay!
260
00:14:55,377 --> 00:14:57,078
And out.
Ms. Stewart,
261
00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,815
I made a star for the tree
out of discarded water bottles.
262
00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:02,784
Lovely, dear, except
I would have soaked
263
00:15:02,851 --> 00:15:04,185
the labels off
with warm water.
264
00:15:04,253 --> 00:15:05,787
Then I would have
melted the plastic down
265
00:15:05,854 --> 00:15:07,155
in the double boiler
266
00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:08,756
and poured it
into a candy mold.
267
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,960
And finally, I wouldn't have
presented it quite so proudly.
268
00:15:12,027 --> 00:15:13,561
I'll go outside
and make snow angels.
269
00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:15,296
Lie face down
270
00:15:15,364 --> 00:15:17,865
and your beautiful smile
will be molded into the snow.
271
00:15:17,933 --> 00:15:20,168
Okay.
272
00:15:29,645 --> 00:15:32,513
Now this is
a challenge.
273
00:15:40,556 --> 00:15:42,523
There, a slumbering hubby
274
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:44,892
is now a traditional
Christmas tableau.
275
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,161
Copyright
Martha Stewart.
276
00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:50,732
He's starting
to wake up.
277
00:15:50,799 --> 00:15:52,300
A little
of my Hubby's Holiday Helper
278
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,936
will calm him
right down.
279
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,740
Don't worry, Marge,
it's a good thing.
280
00:15:58,807 --> 00:16:00,875
There, there.
281
00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:02,243
Shh...
282
00:16:05,748 --> 00:16:07,615
Martha, the house
looks beautiful.
283
00:16:07,683 --> 00:16:10,551
It's like Christmas with
a childless gay couple.
284
00:16:10,619 --> 00:16:11,886
But it's just
not the same
285
00:16:11,954 --> 00:16:14,222
without my family
being themselves.
286
00:16:14,290 --> 00:16:16,591
Well, thanks for
wasting my time.
287
00:16:16,659 --> 00:16:18,326
I'll just wave my magic wand
288
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,061
and turn everything
back the way it was.
289
00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:21,562
You have a magic wand?
290
00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:23,131
Yes, I made it myself.
291
00:16:23,198 --> 00:16:25,533
Take an old car antenna,
marinate it overnight
292
00:16:25,601 --> 00:16:28,269
in the tears of a heartbroken
leprechaun, bake at 350
293
00:16:28,337 --> 00:16:30,705
till a rainbow shoots out of
the oven, and there you go.
294
00:16:33,309 --> 00:16:36,878
I guess I'll never have
a perfect Christmas.
295
00:16:36,945 --> 00:16:38,880
Merry Christmas, Mom!
296
00:16:38,947 --> 00:16:40,548
We brought you
breakfast in bed.
297
00:16:40,616 --> 00:16:44,352
Now we just
have to make it.
298
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,754
♪ It's beginning to
look a lot like ♪
299
00:16:46,822 --> 00:16:48,456
♪ Breakfast ♪
300
00:16:48,524 --> 00:16:51,726
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
301
00:16:51,794 --> 00:16:53,561
♪ You'll be oh so pleased ♪
302
00:16:53,629 --> 00:16:55,530
♪ When the OJ is
freshly-squeezed ♪
303
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:58,633
♪ And the toast is made
from homemade-- d'oh! ♪
304
00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:01,436
♪ We're gonna go out
for breakfast ♪
305
00:17:01,503 --> 00:17:04,405
♪ We'll go out to eat ♪
306
00:17:04,473 --> 00:17:08,343
♪ It'll be any place you choose,
as long as it's run by Jews ♪
307
00:17:08,410 --> 00:17:14,449
♪ 'Cause they don't think
this holiday's so great. ♪
308
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:25,394
♪ Aloha'oe, aloha'oe ♪
309
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,930
Hurry up, kids.
We got to get to the airport.
310
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,649
Did you get a good
house sitter?
311
00:17:30,733 --> 00:17:32,834
Moe Szyslak,
house sitter extraordinaire.
312
00:17:34,403 --> 00:17:36,271
Sticks and stones
may break my bones...
313
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:37,706
Ow! Hey, stop it!
314
00:17:37,774 --> 00:17:39,691
Ooh, cookies!
315
00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:45,781
Great at the chewing,
not so hot at the swallowing.
316
00:17:45,848 --> 00:17:48,650
Now, remember,
pack only necessities.
317
00:17:54,257 --> 00:17:55,657
Hey, baby, it's Moe.
318
00:17:55,725 --> 00:17:57,425
Calling youse
from my new bachelor pad
319
00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,512
at 742 Evergreen Terrace.
320
00:18:00,596 --> 00:18:04,132
Yeah, okay, sugar plum,
I'll see you soon.
321
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,700
Hey, get this off.
Hey, get this off!
322
00:18:08,538 --> 00:18:11,606
Now nothing stands between
us and sunny Hawa...
323
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:12,908
Merry Humbug, everyone.
324
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:14,509
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!
325
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,044
What's wrong, Homie?
326
00:18:16,112 --> 00:18:18,079
I got the week off
by telling Mr. Burns
327
00:18:18,147 --> 00:18:19,948
I had a neck injury.
328
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,252
Mr. Burns, why'd you
come to see me?
329
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,789
Well, last night, I had a
visit from three spirits.
330
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:30,742
I wish this show had a visit
from three new writers.
331
00:18:32,628 --> 00:18:34,663
Wait, what's this?
332
00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:37,082
Carpetbags and
portmanteaus?
333
00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:38,700
Going somewhere,
Simpson?
334
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:40,802
Uh, uh...
335
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:44,973
Hey, guys, uh, you'll need this
on your trip to Hawaii... aah!
336
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,975
Hmm, your
goblin fainted.
337
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,593
Not a goblin.
338
00:18:48,678 --> 00:18:50,545
Simpson,
where's your Christmas tree?
339
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,147
Coming!
340
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,583
Homer, give me
back my tree!
341
00:19:05,027 --> 00:19:07,696
Well, I won't interrupt
your holiday any longer.
342
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,931
Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good--
343
00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:13,501
pop superstar/fashionista
Katy Perry?!
344
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:21,776
What are you people doing in
my boyfriend Moe's bachelor pad?
345
00:19:21,844 --> 00:19:24,296
That's right,
she's into puppets.
346
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,281
Just what's going on here?
347
00:19:26,349 --> 00:19:28,083
Fine, I'll come clean.
348
00:19:29,452 --> 00:19:31,553
It's a Christmas miraculum.
349
00:19:31,621 --> 00:19:33,471
No, it's not.
350
00:19:33,556 --> 00:19:36,458
I just told a lie
so we could go to Hawaii.
351
00:19:36,525 --> 00:19:38,109
You lied to me.
352
00:19:38,194 --> 00:19:40,228
Release the hounds.
353
00:19:45,668 --> 00:19:47,452
Oh, they'll be here
any minute.
354
00:19:50,973 --> 00:19:53,174
We, uh, blew the budget
on Katy Perry.
355
00:19:53,242 --> 00:19:54,376
D'oh.
356
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,277
Someone totally needs a hug.
357
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:02,217
I kissed a girl
and I liked it.
358
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,172
All is forgiven,
Simpsons.
359
00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:09,975
Go and enjoy "Ha-vah-ee."
360
00:20:11,827 --> 00:20:14,396
Just as soon as we sing
one Christmas carol.
361
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:17,983
Oh, man, not the lame-o
"12 Days of Christmas."
362
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:19,300
Of course not.
363
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,036
I want to sing
the original, unabridged
364
00:20:21,103 --> 00:20:22,687
"39 Days Of Christmas."
365
00:20:22,772 --> 00:20:24,339
And-a one and-a two...
366
00:20:28,744 --> 00:20:30,328
♪ 39 fops a-fopping ♪
367
00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:31,913
♪ 38 fishwives hawking ♪
368
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,448
♪ 37 coopers cooping ♪
369
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:34,916
♪ 36 bootblacks buffing ♪
370
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,451
♪ 35 buskers busking ♪
371
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:37,953
♪ 34 something something ♪
372
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,587
♪ 33 alchemists transmuting ♪
373
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:40,956
♪ 32 Dutchmen plotting ♪
374
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,457
♪ 31 doctors leeching ♪
375
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:46,361
♪ 30-year average lifespan. ♪
376
00:20:46,429 --> 00:20:47,929
Tonight's Simpsons episode
377
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,698
was brought to you
by the symbol umlaut
378
00:20:49,765 --> 00:20:51,433
and the number e.
379
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,535
Not the letter e,
but the number
380
00:20:53,602 --> 00:20:56,371
whose exponential function
is the derivative of itself.
381
00:20:56,439 --> 00:20:59,674
Well, it's been a long run,
but I think this'll kill it.
382
00:20:59,742 --> 00:21:01,343
What, The Simpsons?
383
00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:02,644
No, Christmas.
384
00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:08,850
We did that one already.
385
00:21:08,918 --> 00:21:09,784
Shh.
386
00:21:37,849 --> 00:21:40,153
I-I'll just kiss
your belly button.
387
00:21:41,424 --> 00:21:43,333
Oh, uh, that's not
my belly button.
388
00:21:44,062 --> 00:21:45,962
But I didn't say stop.
389
00:21:46,162 --> 00:21:49,162
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==