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00:00:29,518 --> 00:00:30,584
D'oh!
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00:01:10,008 --> 00:01:11,776
♪ ♪
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00:01:31,763 --> 00:01:36,349
♪ The Simpsons 22x03 ♪
MoneyBART
Original Air Date on October 10, 2010
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00:01:36,438 --> 00:01:40,424
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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♪ Who's that lady? ♪
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00:01:49,881 --> 00:01:50,881
♪ Who's that lady? ♪
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♪ Beautiful lady ♪
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00:01:53,151 --> 00:01:54,551
♪ Who's that lady? ♪
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♪ Lovely lady... ♪
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00:01:57,272 --> 00:01:58,555
♪ Who's that lady? ♪
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00:01:58,607 --> 00:01:59,607
♪ Real fine... ♪
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Wow! She's everything
I want to be!
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00:02:02,911 --> 00:02:05,746
♪ Calling out to you 'cause it's
all that I can do ♪
14
00:02:05,814 --> 00:02:07,715
♪ Your eyes tell me to pursue ♪
15
00:02:07,783 --> 00:02:12,570
♪ But you say, "Look, yeah,
but don't touch, baby" ♪
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00:02:12,637 --> 00:02:16,807
♪ No, no, no, don't touch... ♪
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00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:19,877
What's a babe like her
18
00:02:19,945 --> 00:02:22,079
doing with a brown
banana like Skinner?
19
00:02:22,147 --> 00:02:23,514
Maybe she's one
of those sexy
20
00:02:23,582 --> 00:02:25,049
school supply
company reps.
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00:02:25,117 --> 00:02:28,686
If that's true, where's her
suitcase with wheels, Bart?
22
00:02:28,753 --> 00:02:31,956
Where's her suitcase
with wheels?
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00:02:33,308 --> 00:02:34,875
Ah, if it isn't
Eavesdrop Ernie
24
00:02:34,943 --> 00:02:36,760
and the Listen-In Bunch.
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00:02:36,828 --> 00:02:39,480
I'd like you boys
to meet Dahlia Brinkley.
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00:02:39,548 --> 00:02:41,432
She's the only
Springfield Elementary alum
27
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,400
ever to advance
to the Ivy League!
28
00:02:43,451 --> 00:02:46,036
There's a car in the parking lot
with a Yale sticker on it.
29
00:02:47,289 --> 00:02:48,255
It's gotta be you!
30
00:02:48,323 --> 00:02:49,874
I just graduated from Yale,
31
00:02:49,941 --> 00:02:52,309
and thought I'd pay
a visit, from Yale,
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00:02:52,377 --> 00:02:54,478
to the little school
where it all began.
33
00:02:56,047 --> 00:02:58,115
I plan to attend
an Ivy League school myself.
34
00:02:58,183 --> 00:03:00,451
I do he a 0 GPA.
35
00:03:00,519 --> 00:03:02,770
She can do the kind
of math that has letters.
36
00:03:02,838 --> 00:03:04,905
Watch. What's X, Lisa?
37
00:03:04,973 --> 00:03:06,774
Well, that depends.
38
00:03:06,842 --> 00:03:09,176
Sorry. She did it
yesterday.
39
00:03:09,244 --> 00:03:11,262
I believe you. What
else have you got?
40
00:03:11,329 --> 00:03:14,231
Um, I'm treasurer
of the Jazz Club,
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00:03:14,299 --> 00:03:17,518
and started the school's
recycling society.
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Nice. And?
43
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Uh, that's it.
44
00:03:22,023 --> 00:03:23,891
Two clubs?
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00:03:23,959 --> 00:03:26,510
Well, that's a bridge bid,
not an Ivy League application.
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00:03:26,578 --> 00:03:28,913
But I'm only in second grade.
47
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:30,981
By your age, I'd been
the dominant force
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00:03:31,049 --> 00:03:33,217
in dozens of
extracurricular
activities.
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00:03:33,285 --> 00:03:35,586
Quite so. Just take a look
at her yearbook.
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00:03:37,906 --> 00:03:41,075
♪ The boys next door,
the mums and dads ♪
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00:03:41,142 --> 00:03:43,427
♪ New weds and nearly deads ♪
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00:03:43,495 --> 00:03:48,115
♪ Have you ever been had in
Clubland? ♪
53
00:03:48,183 --> 00:03:49,850
Wonderful year.
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00:03:49,918 --> 00:03:52,186
Same year we got
new playground sand.
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00:03:52,254 --> 00:03:55,623
Yes, it was.
Mm-hmm.
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Thrust! Parry! Dodge!
57
00:03:59,844 --> 00:04:01,245
Poke! Come on, Maggie.
58
00:04:01,313 --> 00:04:02,946
I need to get
good at fencing
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00:04:02,998 --> 00:04:05,666
so I can put it on my
resume and get into Yale.
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00:04:05,734 --> 00:04:07,401
Don't be scared.
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00:04:07,469 --> 00:04:09,603
I won't hurt my
widdle sister.
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00:04:11,106 --> 00:04:12,473
♪ ♪
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Ooh!
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00:04:24,869 --> 00:04:27,204
Oh!
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00:04:33,428 --> 00:04:36,297
Sweetie, you can
still go to McGill--
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00:04:36,364 --> 00:04:38,332
the Harvard of Canada.
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00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,734
Anything that's the something
of the something
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00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,736
isn't really the anything
of anything.
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00:04:44,773 --> 00:04:46,674
Hello, Flanders.
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00:04:46,741 --> 00:04:48,542
Don't you have a neighbor
on the other side?
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Indeedily-doodily I do,
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00:04:50,078 --> 00:04:52,146
and I love him just
as much as you.
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It's a Flanders sandwich
with great neighbor bread!
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00:04:56,651 --> 00:05:00,454
Bart, call me Walter Matthau,
'cause I'm a bad-news bearer.
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00:05:00,522 --> 00:05:02,957
I'm resigning as manager
of your Little League team.
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00:05:03,024 --> 00:05:04,792
What?! Why?!
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00:05:04,859 --> 00:05:08,262
In the last game, our
shortstop hit a long foul ball,
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00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:10,431
but the umpire
called it a homerun,
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00:05:10,498 --> 00:05:14,201
and I let it go
without saying a word.
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00:05:14,269 --> 00:05:17,071
I just don't like the monster
I've become.
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00:05:18,373 --> 00:05:21,275
Oh. But without a coach,
we can't play!
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00:05:21,343 --> 00:05:23,527
Homie, maybe
you could do it.
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00:05:23,595 --> 00:05:25,262
Sorry, Marge.
Last time I stepped
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00:05:25,330 --> 00:05:27,765
on a baseball
field, I got tased.
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00:05:27,832 --> 00:05:31,402
You know, someday these kids
will be out of the house,
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and you'll regret not spending
more time with them.
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00:05:34,539 --> 00:05:37,207
That's a problem
for future Homer.
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00:05:37,275 --> 00:05:39,510
Man, I don't envy that guy.
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00:05:46,234 --> 00:05:48,519
Can't play baseball.
What am I gonna do?
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00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:51,905
Son, how would you like
to spend the summer
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00:05:51,973 --> 00:05:53,474
building wooden boats
by hand
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00:05:53,541 --> 00:05:55,442
with master craftsmen?
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00:05:55,510 --> 00:05:57,444
How'd you like to kiss my ass?
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00:06:00,465 --> 00:06:02,533
Look at me,
I'm Whitey Ford!
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00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,234
Huh?
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00:06:04,302 --> 00:06:05,636
What's going on?
97
00:06:05,704 --> 00:06:07,471
We got a new coach!
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00:06:07,539 --> 00:06:08,739
Awesome!
Who is it?
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00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:09,957
It's me.
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00:06:10,025 --> 00:06:11,091
Lisa?!
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00:06:11,159 --> 00:06:12,893
What, you can't stand the idea
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00:06:12,961 --> 00:06:16,296
of a girl coaching
a boys' baseball team?
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00:06:16,364 --> 00:06:18,399
No, we can't stand
the idea of someone
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00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:22,036
who knows nothing about baseball
coaching a baseball team.
105
00:06:22,103 --> 00:06:25,005
Hey, there have been plenty
of female managers in baseball.
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00:06:25,073 --> 00:06:27,641
Connie Mack, Sandy Alomar,
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00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:30,644
Terry Francona, Pinky Higgins.
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00:06:30,712 --> 00:06:32,046
Those are dudes!
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00:06:32,113 --> 00:06:34,481
Really? They sound like...
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00:06:34,549 --> 00:06:36,417
I mean... Well, the thing...
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00:06:36,484 --> 00:06:39,286
Ooh... no.
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00:06:44,816 --> 00:06:46,300
Okay, bottom line--
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00:06:46,317 --> 00:06:48,284
I need
an extra-curricular activity,
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00:06:48,352 --> 00:06:50,920
and no one else will
coach you loveable losers.
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We're not losers. Last year,
we finished six and five.
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00:06:53,591 --> 00:06:55,125
And we're not loveable.
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We had a tall, freckled-faced
kid on the team
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00:06:57,395 --> 00:06:59,279
that we picked on till he quit.
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00:06:59,347 --> 00:07:00,830
Hey, Splatter-face!
120
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:03,433
How's the weather
up there?
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00:07:03,501 --> 00:07:05,852
It's too bad,
'cause he's a great hitter,
122
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,604
but it's worth it.
123
00:07:07,672 --> 00:07:10,340
Look, if you want to play
liability-insured baseball,
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00:07:10,408 --> 00:07:11,975
I'm your only shot.
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00:07:14,095 --> 00:07:15,996
Fine, you can be our coach.
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00:07:16,063 --> 00:07:18,131
Thanks. You can be
the free safety.
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00:07:18,199 --> 00:07:20,433
Wrong sport.
I mean the point guard.
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00:07:20,501 --> 00:07:22,902
Also wrong.
I'm gonna do
a little research.
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00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:24,571
A little's not gonna be enough,
honepie.
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00:07:24,638 --> 00:07:26,006
Don't call me honey pie.
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00:07:26,073 --> 00:07:27,240
You got it, tootsie pop.
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00:07:28,442 --> 00:07:29,909
Get a room, you two.
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00:07:29,977 --> 00:07:31,277
We're brother and sister.
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00:07:31,345 --> 00:07:33,580
So are my parents, I think.
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00:07:37,034 --> 00:07:38,401
Hey, Dad?
136
00:07:38,469 --> 00:07:39,869
Hey, pal, how you doing?
137
00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:41,638
Fine. I was hoping
138
00:07:41,706 --> 00:07:43,506
you and your friends
could tell me something
139
00:07:43,574 --> 00:07:45,041
about baseball strategy.
140
00:07:45,109 --> 00:07:47,043
The only thing I
know about strategy is
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00:07:47,111 --> 00:07:48,778
that whatever the
manager does, it's wrong,
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00:07:48,846 --> 00:07:51,781
unless it works, in which case
he's a button-pusher.
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00:07:51,849 --> 00:07:54,150
I hate guys that just
push buttons all day.
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00:07:54,218 --> 00:07:55,819
You just push
buttons all day.
145
00:07:55,886 --> 00:07:57,587
You know, ever since
Obama came in,
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00:07:57,655 --> 00:07:59,289
you've got all the answers,
don't you?
147
00:07:59,356 --> 00:08:00,790
Ugh! Does anyone here
148
00:08:00,858 --> 00:08:02,492
actually know anything
about baseball?
149
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,878
Uh, the guys
in that booth down there.
150
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:11,267
As a pitcher, Cliff Lee is
clearly superior
151
00:08:11,335 --> 00:08:12,886
to Zack Greinke.
152
00:08:12,953 --> 00:08:14,537
Uh, yes, I completely agree,
153
00:08:14,605 --> 00:08:17,741
with the following
colossal exception.
154
00:08:17,808 --> 00:08:20,160
Before the fourth inning
after a road loss
155
00:08:20,227 --> 00:08:22,112
in a domed stadium.
156
00:08:22,179 --> 00:08:24,080
Th it's good to be Greinke.
157
00:08:24,148 --> 00:08:25,865
Uh, unless he's got a bunion,
158
00:08:25,933 --> 00:08:28,601
in which case he is notably
ineffective.
159
00:08:28,669 --> 00:08:32,872
Wow. I'm surprised you guys know
so much about a sport.
160
00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:35,942
Oh, Lisa, baseball is a game
played by the dexterous,
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00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:39,045
but only understood
by the Poin-dexterous.
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00:08:39,113 --> 00:08:41,865
If you understand
what I've laid out there.
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00:08:41,932 --> 00:08:44,517
The key to understanding
the game is sabermetrics.
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00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:45,852
Huh?!
165
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:49,589
The field was developed
by statistician Bill James.
166
00:08:49,657 --> 00:08:53,460
I made baseball as much fun
as doing your taxes!
167
00:08:53,527 --> 00:08:55,161
Using sabermetrics,
168
00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:57,363
even an eight-year-old girl
can run a ball club
169
00:08:57,431 --> 00:08:59,399
with the sagacity
of a Stengel,
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00:08:59,467 --> 00:09:02,051
and the single-mindedness
of a Steinbrenner.
171
00:09:02,119 --> 00:09:04,888
I call it a Stein-stengel...
172
00:09:04,955 --> 00:09:06,940
Thanks, guys.
173
00:09:08,308 --> 00:09:09,692
Hey, speaking of stats,
174
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,227
I'm none too pleased
175
00:09:11,295 --> 00:09:12,762
about your ratio
of seats occupied
176
00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:14,631
to beers ordered.
177
00:09:14,698 --> 00:09:16,065
You mean
our SOBO?
178
00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:17,634
Let's
calculate it now!
179
00:09:20,838 --> 00:09:23,873
What's the conversion
factor for ginger beer?
180
00:09:23,941 --> 00:09:26,543
Refreshingness
over effervescence.
181
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:28,244
Plus or minus tang.
182
00:09:28,312 --> 00:09:30,313
Oh, why did I advertise
my drink specials
183
00:09:30,381 --> 00:09:32,315
in Scientific American?
184
00:09:32,383 --> 00:09:33,983
I can think of
three reasons.
185
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,552
First of all,
you...
Shut up.
186
00:09:35,619 --> 00:09:38,188
So we're one-one in the third,
187
00:09:38,255 --> 00:09:40,256
and Isotots manager Lisa Simpson
188
00:09:40,324 --> 00:09:43,726
rearranges her defense
one more time.
189
00:09:43,794 --> 00:09:45,962
I haven't seen this many books
in a dugout
190
00:09:46,030 --> 00:09:48,198
since Albert Einstein
went canoeing.
191
00:09:50,084 --> 00:09:52,785
Everyone shift
towards right!
192
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:55,054
Huh?
193
00:09:58,192 --> 00:10:01,211
I caught a white apple!
194
00:10:33,043 --> 00:10:35,345
Okay. Everyone
study two-out situations,
195
00:10:35,412 --> 00:10:36,813
count management,
196
00:10:36,881 --> 00:10:39,249
and I'll be back
with some gluten-free crackers.
197
00:10:40,734 --> 00:10:42,635
Your spreadsheets!
198
00:10:42,703 --> 00:10:45,405
Oh, my stupid sister's taken
the fun out of baseball.
199
00:10:45,472 --> 00:10:47,173
What happened to stealing bases,
200
00:10:47,241 --> 00:10:50,276
the suicide squeeze,
throwing a little chin music?
201
00:10:50,344 --> 00:10:52,212
We're no longer
cellar dwellers.
202
00:10:52,279 --> 00:10:54,714
Well, the team isn't.
203
00:10:54,782 --> 00:10:56,683
This isn't the game
I grew up with,
204
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:59,552
the game played in the misty
ballparks of Enron Field,
205
00:10:59,603 --> 00:11:02,722
or Pac Bell,
then SBC, now AT & T Park.
206
00:11:02,790 --> 00:11:05,742
And from now on,
I'm gonna play my game.
207
00:11:05,809 --> 00:11:07,844
Dummyball.
208
00:11:07,912 --> 00:11:10,046
Bart Simpson on deck,
209
00:11:10,114 --> 00:11:12,582
his bat's just hungering
for a homer,
210
00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:15,051
like Chronos for his children.
211
00:11:15,119 --> 00:11:16,552
Speaking of Homer,
212
00:11:16,620 --> 00:11:18,655
Bart's father's name is,
you guessed it,
213
00:11:18,722 --> 00:11:20,456
not on my fact sheet.
214
00:11:20,524 --> 00:11:24,193
Bart, this guy's walked
the last two batters,
215
00:11:24,261 --> 00:11:26,229
and if he walks you,
we win the game.
216
00:11:26,297 --> 00:11:27,597
Don't swing at anything!
217
00:11:27,665 --> 00:11:28,865
But I'm on a hot streak.
218
00:11:30,517 --> 00:11:32,785
Hot streaks are
a statistical illusion.
219
00:11:32,853 --> 00:11:35,038
I wish you were a
statistical illusion.
220
00:11:35,105 --> 00:11:37,557
Well, there's a 97 %
chance I'm not,
221
00:11:37,625 --> 00:11:39,592
so do what I say.
222
00:11:44,415 --> 00:11:46,649
Ball one!
223
00:11:48,936 --> 00:11:50,203
Ball two!
224
00:11:50,271 --> 00:11:52,071
Don't swing.
225
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:55,792
I've ruined your favorite thing!
226
00:11:55,859 --> 00:11:57,643
Oh...
227
00:12:14,945 --> 00:12:16,829
Bart! Bart! Bart!
228
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,965
You disobeyed
your manager!
229
00:12:19,033 --> 00:12:20,600
So what?
We won.
230
00:12:20,668 --> 00:12:22,769
Bart! Bart! Bart!
231
00:12:22,836 --> 00:12:25,238
Here's what: you're
off the team!
232
00:12:25,306 --> 00:12:27,640
Get him out
of here, boys.
233
00:12:27,708 --> 00:12:31,044
Conflicted,
conflicted, conflicted.
234
00:12:42,898 --> 00:12:44,399
Come on, guys.
235
00:12:44,442 --> 00:12:45,909
I had to get rid of Bart.
236
00:12:45,977 --> 00:12:48,144
But he socked a
walk-off dinger.
237
00:12:48,212 --> 00:12:50,046
That dinger was a fluke.
238
00:12:50,114 --> 00:12:51,982
Not that I have
to defend myself to you.
239
00:12:52,049 --> 00:12:54,417
Managers manage,
and players play.
240
00:12:54,485 --> 00:12:56,069
Do alligators
alligate?
241
00:12:56,137 --> 00:12:57,304
I don't know... yes!
242
00:12:57,371 --> 00:12:58,338
I'm scared.
243
00:13:01,759 --> 00:13:03,176
Here's my uniform,
244
00:13:04,495 --> 00:13:05,946
since I won't be
needing it anymore.
245
00:13:06,013 --> 00:13:07,097
Whoo-hoo!
246
00:13:07,164 --> 00:13:08,548
Underpants dinner!
247
00:13:08,616 --> 00:13:09,900
No, it's not.
248
00:13:09,967 --> 00:13:10,967
Aww.
249
00:13:11,035 --> 00:13:12,435
You know, Lis,
250
00:13:12,503 --> 00:13:14,170
I'm glad I'm not
playing baseball anymore.
251
00:13:14,238 --> 00:13:16,573
I think I'm more
interested in soccer.
252
00:13:16,641 --> 00:13:17,474
Ow!
253
00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:23,129
Hey. Cut it out!
254
00:13:23,197 --> 00:13:24,714
You're upsetting
the gravy boat.
255
00:13:24,782 --> 00:13:26,933
I'll put a stop
to this nonsense.
256
00:13:29,503 --> 00:13:32,472
Lisa, can't you let your
brother back on the team?
257
00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:37,294
Fly balls and fungoes come and
go, but family is forever.
258
00:13:37,361 --> 00:13:39,529
Sorry Marge, I got
to call bullcrap on that.
259
00:13:39,597 --> 00:13:42,832
The '69 Mets will live on
forever, but do you think
260
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:45,335
anyone cares about Ron Swoboda's
wife and kids?
261
00:13:45,403 --> 00:13:48,355
Not me, and, I assume,
not Ron Swoboda!
262
00:13:48,422 --> 00:13:50,457
What about
Bart's feelings?
263
00:13:50,524 --> 00:13:52,559
Boys don't have feelings.
They have muscles.
264
00:13:52,627 --> 00:13:55,262
Why do you say
such ridiculous things?
265
00:13:55,329 --> 00:13:57,330
They sound good in my brain,
266
00:13:57,398 --> 00:14:02,135
then my tongue makes not the
words sound very good, formally.
267
00:14:12,313 --> 00:14:14,064
"Mama Bear said,
268
00:14:14,131 --> 00:14:16,933
'I'm sure Sister Bear
will come to her senses.'"
269
00:14:17,001 --> 00:14:20,904
"Then Pete Rose plowed into
his friend Ray Fosse..."
270
00:14:20,972 --> 00:14:24,641
"...dislocating Fosse's shoulder
in a meaningless game."
271
00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:27,978
"He had earned the
nickname 'Charlie Hustle'..."
272
00:14:28,045 --> 00:14:29,479
"Mama Bear said,
273
00:14:29,547 --> 00:14:32,248
'Families should stick together
because...'"
274
00:14:32,316 --> 00:14:33,817
"...personal feelings get
between him and home plate!"
275
00:14:33,884 --> 00:14:35,018
"'...anything
else is unbearable!'"
276
00:14:35,086 --> 00:14:36,620
Excuse me?
277
00:14:36,687 --> 00:14:37,988
With all this racket,
278
00:14:38,055 --> 00:14:40,423
my boys can't get
their 16 hours sleep.
279
00:14:44,161 --> 00:14:46,329
So, because of your
on-base percentage, Nelson,
280
00:14:46,397 --> 00:14:48,415
you're the new leadoff
hitter. Questions?
281
00:14:48,482 --> 00:14:50,066
When's Bart
coming back?
282
00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:51,468
He's not.
He thought he was better
283
00:14:51,535 --> 00:14:53,403
than the laws of probability.
284
00:14:53,471 --> 00:14:55,972
Anyone else think he's better
than the laws of probability?
285
00:14:58,326 --> 00:15:00,226
Well, you're not!
286
00:15:00,311 --> 00:15:03,446
With me here in the booth is
brand-new color commentator
287
00:15:03,514 --> 00:15:06,366
and former Isotots
great, Bart Simpson.
288
00:15:06,434 --> 00:15:08,034
Bart, do you
miss the game?
289
00:15:08,102 --> 00:15:09,602
No, no, no, no.
290
00:15:09,670 --> 00:15:11,071
I got a lot goin' on.
291
00:15:11,138 --> 00:15:13,173
I'm sure you do.
292
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:17,577
Milhouse hits a frozen rope
just past the diving shortstop.
293
00:15:17,645 --> 00:15:19,012
There's a play
at the plate!
294
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,613
He's... safe.
295
00:15:20,681 --> 00:15:22,882
And that's all
she wrote.
296
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:24,851
It's a triumph of
number-crunching
297
00:15:24,919 --> 00:15:26,152
over the human spirit.
298
00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:28,021
And it's about time.
299
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,844
Look, Dad.
300
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,746
"Players and
Coaches Entrance."
301
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,815
Hey, let's hold hands
and skip inside.
302
00:15:52,502 --> 00:15:54,887
Well, let's go
to the bleachers.
303
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,122
I brought an air horn
and a megaphone.
304
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:58,290
Testing...
305
00:16:00,810 --> 00:16:02,627
Actually, I'm taking you
306
00:16:02,679 --> 00:16:06,065
on a "special little guy
super happy fun" day.
307
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,733
Are you taking me
to the dentist?
308
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,452
You're not going
to the dentist.
309
00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:16,408
You know, Mom, after only seven
hours in this amusement park,
310
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,143
I'm finally
enjoying myself.
311
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:19,811
I'm actually starting
to forget about...
312
00:16:21,164 --> 00:16:22,948
Lisa?
313
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,249
She wants to
talk to you.
314
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,334
Hey Lis.
315
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:26,869
Bart, I need you.
316
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:29,505
Ralph can't play,
'cause he's too juiced.
317
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:33,726
I didn't know what I was putting
into my body.
318
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,545
Sorry, sis.
I've moved on.
319
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,264
And my days of listening
to my manager are over.
320
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,832
Son, you should always listen
to your manager.
321
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,719
Mike Scioscia!
322
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,554
Didn't you get
radiation poisoning
323
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,689
working at the
Springfield Nuclear Plant?
324
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,057
I sure did,
325
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,893
and it gave me
super-managing powers!
326
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,895
I also demagnetize
credit cards.
327
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,615
Bart, I have
two pieces of advice.
328
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,784
First, keep your arms
in the damn car.
329
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,202
Whoa!
330
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,854
Secondly, I don't care if
your manager is your sister,
331
00:17:02,906 --> 00:17:06,358
Dick Drago's mustache,
or Oscar Gamble's afro.
332
00:17:06,409 --> 00:17:08,293
A player should always listen
to his skipper.
333
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,629
That's how I got these three
World Series rings.
334
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,716
Never mind that.
I'll win more.
335
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,301
But you owe it to your sister,
336
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,253
and the great game of baseball--
337
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:19,871
wacky face for the camera--
338
00:17:19,923 --> 00:17:23,091
to go back
and help your team.
339
00:17:23,159 --> 00:17:24,626
Now, who wants
funnel cake?
340
00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:27,062
You got some great
raw ingredients, kid.
341
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,380
Open up your
stance a little.
342
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:31,767
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
343
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,101
That's okay.
344
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,137
You just didn't
have it today.
345
00:17:35,205 --> 00:17:37,089
Not everything's
baseball.
346
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,524
Yes, it is.
347
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,662
Oh! What am I gonna do?
348
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,697
I need a pinch-runner
with speed!
349
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:48,050
How about a benchwarmer
who's afraid of puppets?
350
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,587
Did someone order
a happy ending?
351
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:52,788
Bart!
352
00:17:52,856 --> 00:17:54,456
Oh!
353
00:17:54,524 --> 00:17:58,494
Now get out there
and kick a field goal!
354
00:17:58,561 --> 00:18:01,163
Kidding.
355
00:18:01,231 --> 00:18:03,732
And that's why anyone
who invested with Lenny Dykstra
356
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,567
really should call that number.
357
00:18:05,635 --> 00:18:07,035
Lawyers are standing by.
358
00:18:07,103 --> 00:18:09,638
Simpson on first,
taking a big lead.
359
00:18:09,706 --> 00:18:12,107
Oh, looks like he's
gonna swipe the bag.
360
00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,609
No, no.
361
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:15,310
Don't steal.
362
00:18:25,889 --> 00:18:27,072
And there he goes!
363
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,816
He's stealing third.
364
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,586
Okay, okay, he's stolen third.
365
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,821
But surely, that's the limit
of his cockiness.
366
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,224
I'm stealing home!
367
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:49,778
No! The computer says
it's statistically impossible!
368
00:18:49,846 --> 00:18:51,246
Bah.
Computers.
369
00:18:51,314 --> 00:18:53,465
They'll never replace my
Huffnagle autocollator!
370
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,167
Crank it, Smithers.
Crank it!
371
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,002
It's, uh, seizing up, sir.
372
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:59,204
Yes, well apply
more goose grease.
373
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:04,976
Stealing home.
It's so impossible.
374
00:19:05,028 --> 00:19:07,329
It's against every
sensible instinct.
375
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,664
It's, it's...
376
00:19:16,105 --> 00:19:19,207
It's the most exciting
play in baseball.
377
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,510
Go, Bart!
378
00:19:23,279 --> 00:19:25,430
If he makes it,
that's my son!
379
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,673
You're out!
380
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:37,509
The Isotots lose.
381
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:41,630
Now to begin my off-season
follow-home robberies.
382
00:19:41,698 --> 00:19:43,265
I'll see you in
the parking lot,
383
00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:46,952
but you won't see me
until it's too late.
384
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,588
You stink!
385
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:53,325
Did I make it?
386
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,476
No.
387
00:19:54,544 --> 00:19:55,961
But you did
do something.
388
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,130
You made me
love baseball.
389
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,415
Not as a collection
of numbers,
390
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,302
but as an unpredictable,
passionate game
391
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,722
beaten in excitement only
by every other sport.
392
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,974
I guess your
computer was right.
393
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,944
Maybe it was, but according
to my calculations,
394
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,280
you're a great brother
51 % of the time.
395
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,350
And according
to my gut, you're okay, too.
396
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,651
Can you put a number on it?
397
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,574
Aww...
398
00:20:27,944 --> 00:20:31,463
Conflict resolved.
Conflict resolved.
399
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:33,248
Conflict resolved.
400
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:36,118
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --