1
00:00:03,298 --> 00:00:04,698
MILHOUSE:
Whee!
2
00:00:04,733 --> 00:00:06,566
Uh-oh!
3
00:00:10,372 --> 00:00:12,205
(exclaiming)
4
00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:16,229
♪ The Simpsons 27x20 ♪
To Courier With Love
Original Air Date on May 8, 2016
5
00:00:16,645 --> 00:00:18,612
(school bell ringing)
6
00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,282
(Barney belches)
7
00:00:22,317 --> 00:00:24,284
(whistle blows)
8
00:00:24,319 --> 00:00:26,319
(yells)
9
00:00:30,559 --> 00:00:31,892
(beeping)
10
00:00:31,916 --> 00:00:36,916
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
11
00:00:37,132 --> 00:00:39,132
(playing the blues)
12
00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:43,803
(playing the blues)
13
00:00:46,808 --> 00:00:48,041
D'oh!
14
00:00:48,076 --> 00:00:49,042
(tires screeching)
15
00:00:49,077 --> 00:00:50,710
(grunts)
16
00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:52,746
(fanfare plays)
17
00:01:06,295 --> 00:01:08,295
(dramatic music playing)
18
00:01:14,952 --> 00:01:16,685
Hey. How ya doin' there?
19
00:01:19,189 --> 00:01:21,156
(both grunting)
20
00:01:22,493 --> 00:01:24,493
(murmuring angrily)
21
00:01:25,596 --> 00:01:27,596
(grunting furiously)
22
00:01:34,138 --> 00:01:36,138
(humming)
23
00:01:37,441 --> 00:01:38,807
(squawks)
24
00:01:38,842 --> 00:01:40,075
Ah.
25
00:01:40,110 --> 00:01:42,644
(irritated murmurs)
26
00:01:42,679 --> 00:01:44,679
(gibbering)
27
00:01:46,150 --> 00:01:48,150
(reluctantly agreeing noise)
28
00:01:50,854 --> 00:01:52,387
Ook.
29
00:01:55,459 --> 00:01:57,859
(grunting)
30
00:01:59,663 --> 00:02:00,629
Ow.
31
00:02:00,664 --> 00:02:02,664
I brought
fried chicken!
32
00:02:02,699 --> 00:02:04,499
Biscuit!
First dibs!
33
00:02:04,535 --> 00:02:05,934
Homer, you have to do more.
34
00:02:05,969 --> 00:02:07,269
Ook?!
35
00:02:07,304 --> 00:02:09,037
I'm getting tired
of your ooks.
36
00:02:09,073 --> 00:02:10,972
I can't do this alone.
37
00:02:11,008 --> 00:02:12,607
Where's your chore list?
38
00:02:12,643 --> 00:02:14,142
Oh, I'm taking
care of that!
39
00:02:14,178 --> 00:02:16,011
It's laminated.
40
00:02:16,046 --> 00:02:17,546
And to make sure I do it...
41
00:02:17,581 --> 00:02:18,547
Hmm?
42
00:02:18,582 --> 00:02:19,881
(groans)
43
00:02:22,252 --> 00:02:24,719
I've never seen this.
44
00:02:24,755 --> 00:02:27,189
It must've been left
by some previous owner.
45
00:02:28,559 --> 00:02:30,192
Holy moly!
46
00:02:30,227 --> 00:02:32,127
A valuable antique car!
47
00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:34,129
This is the find of a lifetime!
48
00:02:34,164 --> 00:02:36,198
Oh, it's a stick.
49
00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:39,701
(grunting)
50
00:02:39,736 --> 00:02:41,403
(engine starts)
51
00:02:41,438 --> 00:02:44,005
Dad, shouldn't we see
who owns the car?
52
00:02:44,041 --> 00:02:46,708
Now, sweetie, according to
the ancient law of trover,
53
00:02:46,743 --> 00:02:50,679
abandoned property passes
to the subsequent landowner.
54
00:02:50,714 --> 00:02:52,581
Man, ever since you watched
Medieval Tomb Robbers
55
00:02:52,616 --> 00:02:54,149
on the History Channel,
56
00:02:54,184 --> 00:02:56,184
everything with you is
trover, trover, trover.
57
00:02:56,220 --> 00:03:00,188
Boy, either show me a writ
of replevin or pipe down.
58
00:03:00,224 --> 00:03:02,524
♪ ♪
59
00:03:02,559 --> 00:03:04,159
(tires screech)
60
00:03:04,194 --> 00:03:07,362
♪ Chubby dude in a tiny car ♪
61
00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:10,699
♪ Making friends
both near and far ♪
62
00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:15,504
♪ In this little town
he's a shooting star ♪
63
00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:17,172
♪ That's a chubby dude ♪
64
00:03:17,207 --> 00:03:21,943
♪ In a tiny car ♪
65
00:03:21,979 --> 00:03:25,380
♪ From Shelbyville to Zanzibar ♪
66
00:03:25,415 --> 00:03:28,517
♪ It doesn't matter
where you are ♪
67
00:03:28,552 --> 00:03:33,455
♪ There's not a thing
that can com-par ♪
68
00:03:33,490 --> 00:03:40,462
♪ To a chubby dude
in a tiny car. ♪
69
00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:44,699
Aw, the needle's on "E."
70
00:03:44,735 --> 00:03:47,602
Uh, I got something
that works as gasoline.
71
00:03:48,639 --> 00:03:50,639
(bell dinging)
72
00:03:52,609 --> 00:03:55,877
♪ ♪
73
00:03:55,913 --> 00:03:57,145
(honks jauntily)
74
00:03:57,181 --> 00:03:59,247
Daddy's home!
Daddy's home!
75
00:03:59,283 --> 00:04:00,582
Hello, children.
76
00:04:00,617 --> 00:04:02,951
For you, daughter,
a little ragdoll.
77
00:04:02,986 --> 00:04:05,120
For you, son, a Florida orange.
78
00:04:05,155 --> 00:04:08,290
You know, there's something
truly amazing about you, Dad.
79
00:04:08,325 --> 00:04:09,925
Everything's an adventure.
80
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,459
You go to clean the garage
81
00:04:11,495 --> 00:04:13,428
and you find a classic car.
82
00:04:13,463 --> 00:04:16,131
Yes, fortune favors the bald.
83
00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:17,666
Now for the best part:
84
00:04:17,701 --> 00:04:20,602
sharing my great day
with your mom.
85
00:04:20,637 --> 00:04:23,305
(hums, spits)
86
00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:26,675
Well, if it isn't my favorite
gal in my favorite room.
87
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:28,643
I'm glad you had a good day.
88
00:04:28,679 --> 00:04:30,111
You don't sound glad.
89
00:04:30,147 --> 00:04:31,446
I'm not glad.
90
00:04:31,481 --> 00:04:32,914
But you said
you were glad.
91
00:04:32,950 --> 00:04:35,016
You need to read
between the lines.
92
00:04:35,052 --> 00:04:37,285
Why? There's just
white space there.
93
00:04:37,321 --> 00:04:38,520
(sighs deeply)
94
00:04:38,555 --> 00:04:39,854
(voice breaking):
I'm sorry, Homie.
95
00:04:39,890 --> 00:04:42,290
Your life is full
of fun surprises.
96
00:04:42,326 --> 00:04:44,526
My life sucks.
97
00:04:44,561 --> 00:04:45,961
(sobbing)
98
00:04:45,996 --> 00:04:47,529
HOMER:
Uh-oh. Tissues?
99
00:04:47,564 --> 00:04:49,197
(sniffs)
100
00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:50,498
Oh...
101
00:04:50,534 --> 00:04:52,867
Well, would it help
if I rubbed your back?
102
00:04:52,903 --> 00:04:55,337
Huh? Eh? Uh?
103
00:04:55,372 --> 00:04:57,606
Your hands smell
like steering wheel.
104
00:04:57,641 --> 00:04:59,040
(sniffs)
Hmm.
105
00:05:00,077 --> 00:05:01,309
Poor Marge.
106
00:05:01,345 --> 00:05:02,544
What do I do?
107
00:05:02,579 --> 00:05:03,845
Help me, universe!
108
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,146
(doorbell rings)
109
00:05:06,583 --> 00:05:08,450
Jay Leno?
Hiya!
110
00:05:08,485 --> 00:05:12,053
I was just passing
in my 1973 Citroen DS Pallas
111
00:05:12,089 --> 00:05:14,055
when I saw that classic Morgan
112
00:05:14,091 --> 00:05:15,824
with the original wood
dash interior.
113
00:05:15,859 --> 00:05:17,325
Man, I-I'd like to buy it.
114
00:05:17,361 --> 00:05:19,628
You'll have to pay cash
with no questions asked.
115
00:05:19,663 --> 00:05:20,862
How much you want?
116
00:05:20,897 --> 00:05:22,364
I said no questions!
117
00:05:26,703 --> 00:05:28,870
Don't worry,
this car is a piece of art,
118
00:05:28,905 --> 00:05:30,472
going where it will be admired.
119
00:05:30,507 --> 00:05:33,508
To my secret underground
car depository!
120
00:05:35,345 --> 00:05:38,079
(groaning)
121
00:05:38,115 --> 00:05:39,814
(sighs)
122
00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:41,816
It's time for me to do
what I do best:
123
00:05:41,852 --> 00:05:43,418
prolong this marriage.
124
00:05:43,453 --> 00:05:45,253
You wanted a good
surprise, Marge?
125
00:05:45,289 --> 00:05:46,655
You've got it.
126
00:05:46,690 --> 00:05:48,823
We are going on
the trip of our lives.
127
00:05:48,859 --> 00:05:50,358
Really? Where?
128
00:05:50,394 --> 00:05:51,593
(doorbell rings)
129
00:05:51,628 --> 00:05:53,094
I'll be right back.
130
00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:55,997
Let your imagination
run wild.
131
00:05:56,033 --> 00:05:57,365
Hey, Homer.
132
00:05:57,401 --> 00:05:59,267
And you are...?
Jay Leno.
133
00:05:59,303 --> 00:06:01,169
Hey, do you still have that
money I gave you for the car?
134
00:06:01,204 --> 00:06:02,231
Sure do.
135
00:06:02,255 --> 00:06:03,973
Well, uh, I'm gonna
need it back.
136
00:06:03,974 --> 00:06:05,907
But I just
promised my wife...
137
00:06:05,942 --> 00:06:08,243
Homer, I've collected
hundreds of antique cars
138
00:06:08,278 --> 00:06:10,378
on the theory that they don't
make 'em like they used to.
139
00:06:10,414 --> 00:06:11,946
Well, I just bought
this new Toyota.
140
00:06:11,982 --> 00:06:13,281
Turns out it's much better.
141
00:06:13,317 --> 00:06:15,583
I can go to the store
and make it all the way back,
142
00:06:15,619 --> 00:06:16,951
it doesn't break down once.
143
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:18,498
Imagine that?
Geez.
144
00:06:18,522 --> 00:06:19,822
Yeah.
145
00:06:19,823 --> 00:06:21,056
Here's your money back.
146
00:06:21,091 --> 00:06:22,524
Can I have my car?
147
00:06:22,559 --> 00:06:24,125
Unfortunately, when
I went to register it,
148
00:06:24,161 --> 00:06:25,393
it wasn't your car.
149
00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:26,628
So the-the police took it.
150
00:06:26,663 --> 00:06:29,931
♪ Chubby cop in a tiny car ♪
151
00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:33,201
♪ Going to the nearest
cop bar... ♪
152
00:06:33,236 --> 00:06:35,203
Well, see ya.
(car lock beeps)
153
00:06:35,238 --> 00:06:37,138
Unbelievable!
It opens from here.
154
00:06:37,174 --> 00:06:39,274
(laughs)
The age we live in!
155
00:06:39,309 --> 00:06:41,710
I've decided where
I want to go.
156
00:06:41,745 --> 00:06:43,945
Um, ooh, the trolley
at the mall?
157
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:45,947
No, Paris!
158
00:06:45,982 --> 00:06:49,517
The most romantic city
in the world.
159
00:06:49,553 --> 00:06:51,553
(groans)
160
00:06:51,588 --> 00:06:52,787
Paris?
161
00:06:52,823 --> 00:06:54,489
What am I gonna do?
162
00:06:54,524 --> 00:06:55,790
(beeps)
163
00:06:57,961 --> 00:07:00,428
A travel agent!
164
00:07:00,464 --> 00:07:02,764
Oh, thank God
you're not obsolete yet.
165
00:07:02,799 --> 00:07:04,632
And a good morning
to you, sir.
166
00:07:04,668 --> 00:07:05,967
Here's the problem.
167
00:07:06,002 --> 00:07:07,769
I've disappointed
my wife so many times,
168
00:07:07,804 --> 00:07:09,003
I can't do it once more.
169
00:07:09,039 --> 00:07:10,472
I see.
170
00:07:10,507 --> 00:07:13,608
So I have to take her and
our three kids to Paris.
171
00:07:13,643 --> 00:07:16,945
But here's the challenge:
I have no money.
172
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:19,013
Uh, let me see
what I can do.
173
00:07:21,318 --> 00:07:22,684
Anything coming up?
174
00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:23,952
No, it's not plugged in.
175
00:07:23,987 --> 00:07:26,154
The noise helps me think.
176
00:07:26,189 --> 00:07:27,422
All right.
177
00:07:27,457 --> 00:07:28,656
There is a way...
178
00:07:28,692 --> 00:07:30,792
but it is a tad risky.
179
00:07:30,827 --> 00:07:33,695
Would you consider
being a casual courier?
180
00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:37,031
You mean not like the fancy guys
that ride the bicycles...
181
00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:38,466
Let me explain.
182
00:07:38,502 --> 00:07:40,268
The mob-- I mean,
the courier company--
183
00:07:40,303 --> 00:07:41,970
will pay airfare
and hotel,
184
00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:44,806
and all you have to do
is deliver a package.
185
00:07:44,841 --> 00:07:48,443
But... you cannot look
inside the package.
186
00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:51,813
Sure. For Marge, I will make
the supreme sacrifice
187
00:07:51,848 --> 00:07:54,482
of not doing something.
188
00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:58,653
(humming)
189
00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:00,355
That's the "package."
190
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:01,656
What package?
191
00:08:01,691 --> 00:08:02,891
The package
you're delivering.
192
00:08:02,926 --> 00:08:04,192
Ooh.
193
00:08:04,227 --> 00:08:06,161
And the clients have
asked me once more
194
00:08:06,196 --> 00:08:08,797
to remind you
not to look inside.
195
00:08:08,832 --> 00:08:12,300
Hey, buddy, I didn't
start doing this yesterday!
196
00:08:12,335 --> 00:08:14,402
I started doing it
right now.
197
00:08:15,505 --> 00:08:17,005
Uh... the package?
198
00:08:18,608 --> 00:08:20,942
Hmm.
199
00:08:22,579 --> 00:08:23,812
Paris!
200
00:08:23,847 --> 00:08:25,079
I can't believe it!
201
00:08:25,115 --> 00:08:26,681
Homer Simpson,
202
00:08:26,716 --> 00:08:28,550
just when I think you have
nothing left to offer,
203
00:08:28,585 --> 00:08:32,587
you whisk me to the birthplace
of existentialism.
204
00:08:32,622 --> 00:08:34,322
Now, if you'll excuse me,
205
00:08:34,357 --> 00:08:36,024
it's an 11-hour flight
206
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:38,259
and I have to
visit the "Louvre."
207
00:08:38,295 --> 00:08:40,962
(chuckles)
208
00:08:42,199 --> 00:08:43,264
(humming)
209
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:45,099
(annoyed chatter)
210
00:08:45,135 --> 00:08:46,334
MAN:
Can't see the movie now.
211
00:08:46,369 --> 00:08:48,102
HOMER:
Everything's great.
212
00:08:48,138 --> 00:08:49,938
Absolutely great.
213
00:08:49,973 --> 00:08:51,506
Yet, there's something
in that briefcase
214
00:08:51,541 --> 00:08:52,740
and it could get us in trouble.
215
00:08:52,776 --> 00:08:54,375
My mind's running wild.
216
00:08:54,411 --> 00:08:56,044
And you're not supposed
to run on an airplane.
217
00:08:56,079 --> 00:08:59,047
Oh, that's it, I have
to open the briefcase.
218
00:09:03,553 --> 00:09:04,986
(short scream)
219
00:09:06,056 --> 00:09:08,723
Oh, what a cute,
blue sna...
220
00:09:08,758 --> 00:09:09,991
(muffled grunts)
221
00:09:13,146 --> 00:09:15,080
(hyperventilating)
222
00:09:15,115 --> 00:09:17,449
HOMER: Okay, first thing,
I've gotta figure out
223
00:09:17,484 --> 00:09:18,850
if it can breathe in there.
224
00:09:21,355 --> 00:09:22,954
D'oh!
225
00:09:22,990 --> 00:09:24,856
Hmm. Better try the other eye.
226
00:09:24,892 --> 00:09:26,291
D'oh!
227
00:09:26,326 --> 00:09:27,859
Okay, maybe
the first eye again.
228
00:09:27,895 --> 00:09:29,127
What the...?
229
00:09:29,162 --> 00:09:30,362
I found it.
230
00:09:30,397 --> 00:09:32,364
It's an Amazon
Blue Constrictor.
231
00:09:32,399 --> 00:09:36,034
Ooh, it's a very rare
and endangered species.
232
00:09:36,069 --> 00:09:39,070
Oh, the trip
of a lifetime.
233
00:09:39,106 --> 00:09:40,872
(sighs)
234
00:09:40,908 --> 00:09:43,008
(whispering):
I can't break her heart.
235
00:09:43,043 --> 00:09:46,945
(whispering): Well, you can't let anything
bad happen to that snake.
236
00:09:46,980 --> 00:09:48,280
I promise.
237
00:09:48,315 --> 00:09:49,981
And you have to
promise to preserve
238
00:09:50,017 --> 00:09:53,184
another endangered
species... my marriage.
239
00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:54,786
I promise.
240
00:09:54,821 --> 00:09:58,356
Oh, for the first time,
a snake has ruined paradise.
241
00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:07,866
I'll get the luggage.
242
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:09,734
Marge, you and
the kids grab a cab.
243
00:10:09,770 --> 00:10:11,736
A Parisian cab.
244
00:10:11,772 --> 00:10:13,738
(French accent):
Taxi. Taxi.
245
00:10:13,774 --> 00:10:15,206
(giggles)
Taxi.
246
00:10:17,511 --> 00:10:19,477
Are you casual courier
Homer Simpson?
247
00:10:19,513 --> 00:10:20,578
I am.
248
00:10:20,614 --> 00:10:22,013
Here is your money.
249
00:10:22,049 --> 00:10:23,848
Finally. I've been
here for two minutes.
250
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:27,719
Listen, what's gonna happen
to, uh, the package?
251
00:10:27,754 --> 00:10:29,554
Oh, it will have
a fine home.
252
00:10:29,589 --> 00:10:31,189
A wonderful home.
253
00:10:31,224 --> 00:10:34,192
As the belt around the waist
of a well-dressed woman.
254
00:10:34,227 --> 00:10:36,795
I am not gonna let you
hurt that snake!
255
00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:43,368
You have to say "Lisa, catch"
before you throw it.
256
00:10:43,403 --> 00:10:45,203
Come on.
(grunts)
257
00:10:47,541 --> 00:10:49,507
Where did they go?
258
00:10:49,543 --> 00:10:52,344
Maybe we shouldn't have stopped
for that seven-course meal.
259
00:10:52,379 --> 00:10:56,948
Oh, maybe we should just
have six, like peasants!
260
00:10:59,052 --> 00:11:01,886
So, back home we call this
the tire fire.
261
00:11:03,824 --> 00:11:06,825
♪ ♪
262
00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:15,600
Man, look at
those gargoyles.
263
00:11:15,635 --> 00:11:18,036
That's from back when
religions still knew
264
00:11:18,071 --> 00:11:20,038
how to scare the
crap out of you.
265
00:11:20,073 --> 00:11:21,439
Homie, I have to ask.
266
00:11:21,475 --> 00:11:23,875
Why are you carrying
that briefcase?
267
00:11:23,910 --> 00:11:25,877
I just brought
a little work.
268
00:11:25,912 --> 00:11:27,879
You don't even bring
your work to work.
269
00:11:27,914 --> 00:11:28,880
(grunts)
270
00:11:28,915 --> 00:11:31,282
I'm sorry. I just
want this family
271
00:11:31,318 --> 00:11:33,718
to have one trip
that's great.
272
00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:38,123
Not like Australia
or Brazil, Japan, London,
273
00:11:38,158 --> 00:11:42,127
China, that World's Fair
Bart drove to,
274
00:11:42,162 --> 00:11:44,562
that place with
the underground jockeys...
275
00:11:44,598 --> 00:11:46,965
So, Dad, what are you
gonna do with the snake?
276
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,967
...Itchy and
Scratchy Land,
277
00:11:49,002 --> 00:11:50,402
outer space...
278
00:11:50,437 --> 00:11:52,237
Lisa, I've come
to understand
279
00:11:52,272 --> 00:11:55,073
a snake's natural habitat
is not a briefcase.
280
00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:57,075
So I'm going
to set him free.
281
00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:59,911
Oh, may I suggest the
gardens of the Louvre?
282
00:11:59,946 --> 00:12:01,980
They're filled with delicious rats.
(gasps)
283
00:12:05,018 --> 00:12:06,651
(whoops)
284
00:12:09,156 --> 00:12:11,122
It's a shame Lisa
and your father had
285
00:12:11,158 --> 00:12:12,757
that errand and
couldn't join us.
286
00:12:12,793 --> 00:12:14,159
But on the upside...
287
00:12:14,194 --> 00:12:15,760
More pâté please!
288
00:12:15,796 --> 00:12:18,596
Vraiment?
You want more pâté?
289
00:12:18,632 --> 00:12:21,599
Yes, before my cruelty-
free daughter shows up.
290
00:12:21,635 --> 00:12:23,435
Perhaps madam
would like to order
291
00:12:23,470 --> 00:12:25,437
from our extra
cruelty menu.
292
00:12:25,472 --> 00:12:28,440
We have a coq Au vin made
from an old rooster
293
00:12:28,475 --> 00:12:31,376
who was kicked to death in front
of his wife and children.
294
00:12:31,411 --> 00:12:32,944
Very nice.
295
00:12:32,979 --> 00:12:35,780
On second thought,
I'll just have a salad.
296
00:12:35,816 --> 00:12:37,382
Ah, très bien.
297
00:12:37,417 --> 00:12:39,818
Gilles, gouge the eyes
out of some new potatoes!
298
00:12:39,853 --> 00:12:43,221
Ugh, I can't stand to
look at this anymore.
299
00:12:43,256 --> 00:12:45,690
Bart, can you ditch this
in the alley for me?
300
00:12:57,437 --> 00:13:00,305
(clamoring)
301
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,706
Hmm.
302
00:13:01,741 --> 00:13:03,708
Starving models.
303
00:13:03,743 --> 00:13:05,343
Well, Bart Simpson never met
304
00:13:05,378 --> 00:13:07,479
a beautiful woman
he couldn't prank.
305
00:13:07,514 --> 00:13:10,682
Dad, I love being on a caper
in France with you.
306
00:13:10,717 --> 00:13:12,317
Well, this is gonna be a snap.
307
00:13:12,352 --> 00:13:14,319
All we need is
to get our tickets
308
00:13:14,354 --> 00:13:17,388
from this automatic
French ticket dispenser.
309
00:13:17,424 --> 00:13:19,424
(grunting)
310
00:13:21,561 --> 00:13:25,029
(female voice speaking French)
311
00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:26,498
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!
312
00:13:29,669 --> 00:13:31,469
FEMALE VOICE:
Votre billet.
313
00:13:31,505 --> 00:13:34,305
Dad, you just bought
a ticket to Argenteuil.
314
00:13:34,341 --> 00:13:36,307
Prochain client,
s'il vous plaît.
315
00:13:36,343 --> 00:13:39,310
Stop speaking French,
damn you!
316
00:13:39,346 --> 00:13:41,312
MALE VOICE (speaking German):
Die Maschine nicht zu schlagen!
317
00:13:41,348 --> 00:13:42,380
Yes, sir.
318
00:13:42,415 --> 00:13:44,415
(upbeat runway music plays)
319
00:13:54,127 --> 00:13:55,927
Here, skinny, skinny.
320
00:13:55,962 --> 00:13:56,928
Here, skinny,
skinny.
321
00:13:56,963 --> 00:13:58,963
(models grunting)
322
00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:05,570
BART:
I've never been happier.
323
00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:09,107
Okay, you're free.
324
00:14:09,142 --> 00:14:11,576
Now, remember to respect
this ecosystem.
325
00:14:13,580 --> 00:14:14,946
Come on, go.
326
00:14:14,981 --> 00:14:16,948
You'll be a snake
that lives in Paris.
327
00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:19,384
It's a children's book
that writes itself.
328
00:14:19,419 --> 00:14:21,019
UGOLIN:
Not so fast!
329
00:14:21,054 --> 00:14:23,021
(gasps)
How did you find us?
330
00:14:23,056 --> 00:14:25,223
All tourists come
to the Louvre.
331
00:14:25,258 --> 00:14:27,125
Hey, it's got great paintings.
332
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,626
Oh, yeah? Name two.
333
00:14:28,662 --> 00:14:32,063
Uh... uh...
334
00:14:32,098 --> 00:14:34,399
Uh...
335
00:14:34,434 --> 00:14:36,234
Don't patronize us!
336
00:14:36,269 --> 00:14:38,203
You make belts from snakes.
337
00:14:38,238 --> 00:14:40,038
We treat our high
fashion animals
338
00:14:40,073 --> 00:14:41,773
in the most
humane manner.
339
00:14:48,815 --> 00:14:51,416
(gasps)
You're monsters.
340
00:14:51,451 --> 00:14:53,818
True, but that is just
a part of who we are.
341
00:14:53,853 --> 00:14:55,253
We are also poets.
342
00:14:55,288 --> 00:14:56,254
Communists.
343
00:14:56,289 --> 00:14:57,488
Experts on mustard.
344
00:14:57,524 --> 00:14:58,923
They're gone!
345
00:14:58,959 --> 00:15:00,325
If we want to be criminals,
346
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:01,960
we should keep
a better eye on people.
347
00:15:01,995 --> 00:15:03,962
It's really not that hard.
Do not worry.
348
00:15:03,997 --> 00:15:06,798
There is one surefire way
to find the Americans.
349
00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:08,233
Marco!
350
00:15:08,268 --> 00:15:09,268
HOMER (far off):
Polo!
351
00:15:10,704 --> 00:15:12,503
I say, "Marco!"
352
00:15:12,539 --> 00:15:13,738
HOMER (closer):
Polo!
353
00:15:13,773 --> 00:15:15,340
LISA:
Dad, control yourself.
354
00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:16,341
HOMER:
I got it.
355
00:15:16,376 --> 00:15:17,575
Marco!
356
00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:19,644
HOMER:
Polo! Oh, he tricked me.
357
00:15:19,679 --> 00:15:23,648
(fading):
Marco! Marco! Marco! Marco!
358
00:15:23,683 --> 00:15:24,782
Polo!
359
00:15:24,818 --> 00:15:26,484
Now what are we gonna
do with the snake?
360
00:15:26,519 --> 00:15:28,486
We'll just have
to keep him with us.
361
00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:29,487
(gasps)
362
00:15:29,522 --> 00:15:30,488
What is it, Lisa?
363
00:15:30,523 --> 00:15:32,490
Do you see a
Burger King?
364
00:15:32,525 --> 00:15:34,325
We're at rue des Lombards,
365
00:15:34,361 --> 00:15:37,161
home of the three most famous
jazz clubs in Paris.
366
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:38,796
What do you think, Dad?
367
00:15:38,832 --> 00:15:41,332
Just pull the rope, please.
368
00:15:41,368 --> 00:15:42,634
(playing jazz)
369
00:15:45,639 --> 00:15:47,005
How old are you?
370
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,006
Eight.
371
00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:49,207
Très bien.
372
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:01,886
We need a doctor!
373
00:16:01,921 --> 00:16:04,889
And someone who
can play saxophone!
374
00:16:04,924 --> 00:16:06,991
Oh, which is which?!
375
00:16:07,027 --> 00:16:08,426
I'll show you.
376
00:16:15,368 --> 00:16:17,735
LISA:
I've never been happier.
377
00:16:17,771 --> 00:16:19,771
♪ ♪
378
00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,640
(sighs)
379
00:16:22,676 --> 00:16:24,709
(sighs)
380
00:16:24,744 --> 00:16:27,512
(sighs)
381
00:16:32,552 --> 00:16:34,552
(sighs)
382
00:16:37,357 --> 00:16:39,324
Plastered in Paris.
383
00:16:39,359 --> 00:16:41,559
There's no better feeling.
384
00:16:42,896 --> 00:16:46,497
(sighing)
385
00:16:48,034 --> 00:16:50,034
Marge, there's something
I need to tell you.
386
00:16:52,872 --> 00:16:54,238
That briefcase.
387
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:55,840
I knew it was trouble.
388
00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:58,843
Yes, this is
my Battle of Essling.
389
00:16:58,878 --> 00:17:02,080
Unless Napoleon had a more
famous defeat I'm not aware of.
390
00:17:02,115 --> 00:17:05,016
(gasps)
391
00:17:05,051 --> 00:17:07,852
I've been smuggling this
snake this whole trip.
392
00:17:07,887 --> 00:17:09,854
But it was the only way
I could pay for it,
393
00:17:09,889 --> 00:17:11,856
and you wanted
to go so badly.
394
00:17:11,891 --> 00:17:15,193
And besides, those French
crooks couldn't catch anybody.
395
00:17:15,228 --> 00:17:17,962
There they are!
No, no bridge!
396
00:17:17,997 --> 00:17:19,797
We'll have to board
a Bateau Mouche.
397
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:23,801
A little champagne, some
dancing, and then...
398
00:17:23,837 --> 00:17:25,636
(groans)
They're gone again!
399
00:17:25,672 --> 00:17:27,772
This joie de vivre
is killing us.
400
00:17:27,807 --> 00:17:30,208
HOMER: Man, I never thought
I'd be so glad
401
00:17:30,243 --> 00:17:32,944
to get back to our own
arrondissement.
402
00:17:32,979 --> 00:17:35,713
(French accent):
Ooh-la-la-la-la.
403
00:17:35,749 --> 00:17:38,116
You have despoiled
our supermodels,
404
00:17:38,151 --> 00:17:41,953
let an American perform
with a French combo,
405
00:17:41,988 --> 00:17:45,757
and stolen these poor
gentlemen's snake.
406
00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:49,160
Well, I guess this is the point
that comes in every vacation
407
00:17:49,195 --> 00:17:51,262
where I say... run! Run!
408
00:17:51,297 --> 00:17:52,663
(sighs)
409
00:17:52,699 --> 00:17:54,098
Okay, don't run.
410
00:17:54,134 --> 00:17:56,000
Better cuff this one.
411
00:18:01,370 --> 00:18:03,169
No snake!
412
00:18:03,205 --> 00:18:05,004
What's on the desk?
413
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,007
Just a few dozen urgent messages
from someone called "Grampa."
414
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:10,844
This one says the cat
is eating his toast.
415
00:18:10,879 --> 00:18:13,046
I have no time
for cats and toast.
416
00:18:13,081 --> 00:18:14,414
Search the room.
417
00:18:16,485 --> 00:18:19,452
We have searched their room
from armoire to bidet.
418
00:18:19,488 --> 00:18:20,887
Eh, no snake.
419
00:18:20,922 --> 00:18:22,789
Maybe we were
wrong about you.
420
00:18:22,824 --> 00:18:25,225
Let's see if the police
dogs can do anything.
421
00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:27,260
(yipping)
422
00:18:31,099 --> 00:18:33,066
I keep telling you
they're worthless.
423
00:18:33,101 --> 00:18:34,968
But they're
so damn cute.
424
00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:36,603
(yipping)
425
00:18:36,638 --> 00:18:39,606
All right, Simpsons,
I apologize.
426
00:18:39,641 --> 00:18:42,041
As for you,
set the dogs on them.
427
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:44,043
(yipping)
428
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:46,446
Prepare to have
your ankles nipped!
429
00:18:46,481 --> 00:18:48,481
(yipping)
430
00:18:48,517 --> 00:18:50,917
I just want to say
that before we came,
431
00:18:50,952 --> 00:18:54,320
our family was falling apart
like your European Union.
432
00:18:54,356 --> 00:18:57,157
But just a few days
in your wonderful country,
433
00:18:57,192 --> 00:18:59,159
and now we're better
than ever.
434
00:18:59,194 --> 00:19:01,161
All is forgiven, my friends.
435
00:19:01,196 --> 00:19:03,430
Enjoy la douce France.
436
00:19:03,465 --> 00:19:06,866
And now something we should have
done the moment we met you.
437
00:19:09,304 --> 00:19:11,671
Come on, you guys
kiss like grandmas.
438
00:19:11,706 --> 00:19:12,706
Get in there.
439
00:19:19,714 --> 00:19:21,514
I don't know how we did it,
440
00:19:21,550 --> 00:19:24,517
but we finally lucked
into a great vacation.
441
00:19:24,553 --> 00:19:26,953
In Paris, a lady
makes her own luck.
442
00:19:26,988 --> 00:19:28,988
♪ ♪
443
00:19:39,168 --> 00:19:40,568
Now my favorite part
of each trip.
444
00:19:41,485 --> 00:19:43,567
The gifts I brought back
for my friends.
445
00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:45,467
For Carl,
a French Coca-Cola.
446
00:19:45,503 --> 00:19:47,412
Ah, très chic.
447
00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:50,479
For Lenny, a miniature
Empire State Building.
448
00:19:50,515 --> 00:19:52,882
We had a layover in New York.
Wow.
449
00:19:52,917 --> 00:19:56,318
And for Moe, a belt made
out of a blue snake.
450
00:19:56,354 --> 00:19:57,720
Artificial, I think.
451
00:19:57,755 --> 00:19:59,755
Thank you.
452
00:20:06,589 --> 00:20:08,555
Ook.
453
00:20:08,591 --> 00:20:15,091
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
454
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,722
Shh!