1 00:00:06,565 --> 00:00:07,231 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:08,582 (grunting) 3 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:09,657 Ah-ha! 4 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,401 (burps) 5 00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:13,429 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:22,429 ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Million Dollar Listing: Springfield. 7 00:00:22,581 --> 00:00:23,914 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 8 00:00:23,932 --> 00:00:25,340 ♪ Fa-fabulous ♪ 9 00:00:25,434 --> 00:00:27,175 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 10 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,677 ♪ Fa-fabulous ♪ 11 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:30,696 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 12 00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:32,105 ♪ Fa-fa-fabulous. ♪ 13 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,258 ANNOUNCER: We once again have only 14 00:00:34,276 --> 00:00:36,109 one house in this whole town 15 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,761 worth a million dollars. 16 00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,371 I keep telling you, I don't want to sell. 17 00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:41,765 This area has a great school system 18 00:00:41,858 --> 00:00:44,451 and I'm thinking of starting a family. 19 00:00:44,528 --> 00:00:47,771 My children, fight each other to the death for my love. 20 00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:49,106 (Burns chuckling) 21 00:00:49,124 --> 00:00:50,215 -(chainsaw revs) -(thuds) 22 00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:51,775 I'm here in the sculpture garden, 23 00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:53,701 and we can't keep the buyers away. 24 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,538 Maybe it's the fresh-baked morphine cookies. 25 00:00:56,706 --> 00:00:59,616 (zombie-like voices): Open concept dungeon, 26 00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:01,226 four panic rooms, 27 00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:04,063 hot and cold running oxygen. 28 00:01:04,214 --> 00:01:07,048 (laughs) Good old reality TV. 29 00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:09,684 Snappy editing, no content. 30 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:10,961 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:12,571 ANNOUNCER: Homer. 32 00:01:13,999 --> 00:01:15,074 ♪ ♪ 33 00:01:15,301 --> 00:01:17,225 ANNOUNCER: Marge. 34 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:18,994 (grunts) 35 00:01:20,897 --> 00:01:23,582 -(creaking) -(grunts) 36 00:01:24,476 --> 00:01:25,659 What the...? 37 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:29,329 I'm hosting book club tonight, and I was thinking, 38 00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:31,998 maybe you'd like to go to Moe's until we're done. 39 00:01:32,151 --> 00:01:33,575 You want me to go to Moe's? 40 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,668 I do. 41 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,002 (whoops) How drunk can I get? 42 00:01:36,155 --> 00:01:37,579 Stinking or falling down? 43 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,323 Uh, how about "sociable"? 44 00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,658 What I'm hearing is wedding drunk. 45 00:01:41,751 --> 00:01:43,751 Wedding drunk, cash bar. 46 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,162 -Fine. -(grunts) 47 00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:47,422 So, who liked the book? 48 00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:52,277 Not me. It was a farewell to my Saturday. 49 00:01:52,504 --> 00:01:53,503 Aw. 50 00:01:53,672 --> 00:01:55,672 Hemingway is so clichéd. 51 00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:58,508 This book about Italian ambulance drivers was... 52 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,678 (imitating siren): ...boring, boring, boring. 53 00:02:01,697 --> 00:02:04,998 There wasn't enough smoking in it for me. 54 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,126 May I speak mah piece? 55 00:02:07,277 --> 00:02:09,110 What's your problem, Daisy May? 56 00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,688 Couldn't make it through the audiobook? 57 00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:13,114 (laughs sarcastically) 58 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:16,042 Well, ah thinks it's a classic of style 59 00:02:16,195 --> 00:02:19,396 that's more than a war story and more than a love story. 60 00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:21,531 With deceptively simple prose 61 00:02:21,625 --> 00:02:24,560 as lean and sturdy as a half-ton marlin. 62 00:02:26,872 --> 00:02:28,296 I-I mean... 63 00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:31,984 my eyes was bewitchefied with all them squiggels and squirms. 64 00:02:32,211 --> 00:02:33,635 (chuckles weakly) 65 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,487 Well... I-I best git. 66 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,282 (chuckles) I left all my kids with a nanny. 67 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,479 (bleats) 68 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,998 BRANDINE: You free Saturday? 69 00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:49,668 Then, the hillbilly woman made a comment 70 00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:51,745 that was profound and insightful. 71 00:02:51,897 --> 00:02:53,246 She's secretly smart. 72 00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:57,259 Uh, Helen, please do not gossip in church. 73 00:02:59,738 --> 00:03:02,163 Did you hear about Brandine? 74 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:05,091 Well, it would be nice to hear something other than 75 00:03:05,244 --> 00:03:07,335 "Let me go, I have a family." 76 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,079 Well, I tried "you're under arrest," 77 00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:10,505 but you just laughed. 78 00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:12,916 We got some nice wigglers. 79 00:03:12,935 --> 00:03:15,176 They pair well with a hook. 80 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:18,989 Mm, I'll take a box of Napa Valley reds. 81 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,682 Hey, Spuckler. 82 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,367 I just want to warn you. 83 00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:25,595 Your wife isn't the woman you think she is. 84 00:03:25,614 --> 00:03:27,206 Just what does you mean? 85 00:03:27,433 --> 00:03:30,042 She's smart. Jeopardy smart. 86 00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,768 Celebrity Jeopardy!? 87 00:03:31,861 --> 00:03:33,620 Regular Jeopardy. 88 00:03:33,772 --> 00:03:35,439 Ahh! 89 00:03:35,532 --> 00:03:38,366 You do not tell a man he don't know his wife. 90 00:03:38,444 --> 00:03:40,385 That's like telling a man his gun's not loaded. 91 00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:44,389 You let him find that out at the worst possible time. 92 00:03:44,616 --> 00:03:45,949 Well, you should know. 93 00:03:45,968 --> 00:03:49,502 When your wife left the book club, she dropped this. 94 00:03:49,654 --> 00:03:51,563 (banjo plucks opening to Beethoven's Symphony No. 5) 95 00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:55,550 (gasps) Liberry has two R's? 96 00:03:55,644 --> 00:03:58,645 -Your bait, sir. -You just keep your worms. 97 00:03:58,797 --> 00:04:01,240 I gots me bigger fish to fry. 98 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,316 Go on, git. 99 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,726 (sniffles) 100 00:04:04,803 --> 00:04:07,320 What a senseless waste of worms. 101 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,083 Men receiving credit for women's work in science 102 00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,401 has been dubbed "The Matilda Effect," 103 00:04:13,495 --> 00:04:16,070 with such victims as Lise Meitner, 104 00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:19,741 Rosalind Franklin, and Jocelyn Bell Burnell. 105 00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:22,836 How many pumpkin stickers will it take for you to stop? 106 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,579 Here, have the whole sheet. 107 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,080 This is really important. 108 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,041 Each of these heroines was nonplussed 109 00:04:28,193 --> 00:04:29,917 at their lack of recognition and... 110 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,270 Sorry, Lisa. 111 00:04:31,497 --> 00:04:33,605 I don't think you're using that word correctly. 112 00:04:33,832 --> 00:04:35,682 Nonplussed? Ha. 113 00:04:35,834 --> 00:04:37,109 I'm pretty sure I am. 114 00:04:37,336 --> 00:04:40,279 It means perplexed. 115 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,506 (mutters softly) 116 00:04:42,524 --> 00:04:43,431 (grunts) 117 00:04:43,525 --> 00:04:44,432 It does. 118 00:04:44,526 --> 00:04:46,676 As in, "The teacher was nonplussed 119 00:04:46,695 --> 00:04:48,436 by the impudence of a student." 120 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:51,364 When I grow up, I want to be a big word. 121 00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:54,034 Lisa, you get in the back of the class and keep quiet. 122 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,294 Do I get an "A"? 123 00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:57,462 An "A" for "aggravation." 124 00:04:57,614 --> 00:04:59,856 (whoops) An A's an A! 125 00:04:59,875 --> 00:05:01,550 (grunts) 126 00:05:04,363 --> 00:05:06,513 ♪ ♪ 127 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,865 Cletus, darling, 128 00:05:08,884 --> 00:05:10,142 I-I made your favorite. 129 00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:13,720 Sorry, but I'm in no mood for porcu-pie right now. 130 00:05:13,872 --> 00:05:15,797 Brandine, tell me true. 131 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,482 Are you actually smart? 132 00:05:17,709 --> 00:05:21,636 Have all your yups just being yeses in disguise? 133 00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,971 Aw, don't be silly. (chuckles) 134 00:05:24,066 --> 00:05:25,824 Why? The only three R's I know 135 00:05:26,051 --> 00:05:28,660 are racoons, Red Bull and the rhythm method. 136 00:05:31,147 --> 00:05:33,648 Please, I needs to know. 137 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,501 Brandine, who is you? 138 00:05:36,653 --> 00:05:38,086 (sighs) 139 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,732 Darling, I'm afraid I'm guilty of concealing 140 00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:45,344 a significant self-improvement. 141 00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:46,678 Guh-wha? 142 00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:49,923 It started a few years back with some books I read 143 00:05:49,999 --> 00:05:51,999 that fell off a passing tornado. 144 00:05:52,094 --> 00:05:53,743 (cow lowing) 145 00:05:53,762 --> 00:05:58,172 It was like entering a universe I never knew existed. 146 00:05:58,266 --> 00:05:59,358 I went to the ballet. 147 00:05:59,585 --> 00:06:01,693 ("Swan Lake Theme" by Tchaikovsky playing) 148 00:06:05,591 --> 00:06:08,015 And I completed my self-education 149 00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:09,868 at the Springfield Athenaeum. 150 00:06:10,095 --> 00:06:12,019 -The what? -Athenaeum. 151 00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:13,780 -The what? -Museum. 152 00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:16,116 -The what? -Pica-ture palace. 153 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,284 Got it. Oh, good lordy. 154 00:06:18,437 --> 00:06:21,028 I'm starting to worry there's more layers to you 155 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,197 than a skunk and tomater sandwich. 156 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,441 Brandine, I'm sorry. 157 00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:27,277 But I-I can't have a stranger as my woman. 158 00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:28,703 Remember your vow. 159 00:06:28,797 --> 00:06:33,116 You promised to love, honor, and never grow in any way. 160 00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:34,893 Well, you're right about that. 161 00:06:35,044 --> 00:06:36,561 (sobs) I'll leave now, 162 00:06:36,638 --> 00:06:38,897 but I'll be back for most of the children. 163 00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:40,381 That's fair enough. 164 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,734 All right, which ones of y'all want to stay with me? 165 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:46,721 And remember, you go with her-- you gots to wash your hands. 166 00:06:46,815 --> 00:06:48,740 Whoa, you mean like every week? 167 00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:50,300 -Sorry, Ma. -Can't do it. 168 00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:51,968 Say bye-bye to your mama. 169 00:06:52,061 --> 00:06:55,914 Or would you prefer a "bon voyage"? 170 00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:57,416 Cletus Delroy Spuckler, 171 00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:00,752 you are lower than a gopher's basement. Goodbye. 172 00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:03,237 (sniffs) Young'uns, turn away 173 00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:05,590 if you don't want to see your daddy cry. 174 00:07:05,817 --> 00:07:07,150 We've seen you cry. 175 00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:09,761 But we've never seen you yodel. 176 00:07:09,913 --> 00:07:11,655 All right, then. 177 00:07:11,748 --> 00:07:14,599 (yodels sadly) 178 00:07:19,181 --> 00:07:21,106 -(doorbell rings) -Brandine! 179 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,775 Are you here for further book club discussions? 180 00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:26,278 I'm here because I got nowhere else to go. 181 00:07:26,429 --> 00:07:28,095 I've been rejected by a man 182 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,449 who thinks it's funny to light his farts. 183 00:07:30,676 --> 00:07:33,785 -You can light them? -No, Homer, no! 184 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,345 BART: Hey, whoa! 185 00:07:35,363 --> 00:07:36,413 Wasn't me. 186 00:07:37,365 --> 00:07:38,623 (sighs) 187 00:07:38,775 --> 00:07:41,585 Ms. Spuckler? I brought some books you might like. 188 00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:43,945 You're a smart girl, Lisa. 189 00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:47,874 Which means life will be harder than a month-old biscuit. 190 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:48,984 (exclaims happily) 191 00:07:49,044 --> 00:07:50,135 Oh... 192 00:07:51,621 --> 00:07:53,880 So, about Cletus, um... 193 00:07:54,032 --> 00:07:56,475 I just have to ask, sorry. 194 00:07:56,626 --> 00:07:59,536 -what do you see in him? -What do you mean? 195 00:07:59,554 --> 00:08:03,315 Don't you think maybe you could've done, um, better? 196 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:06,876 You mean, like you could've done better than Homer? 197 00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:09,212 What? What? 198 00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:10,489 What? 199 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,550 People think I could've done better than Homer? 200 00:08:13,568 --> 00:08:15,160 ALL (loudly): Yes. 201 00:08:15,887 --> 00:08:17,329 (Marge gasps) 202 00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:18,479 (gasps loudly) 203 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:21,616 I never knew anyone felt that way. 204 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,335 Reality check in aisle five. 205 00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:26,338 Disco Stu needs to buy some glue. 206 00:08:26,565 --> 00:08:29,174 Also, Marge, please get a clue. 207 00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:32,085 Enough. Enough. 208 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,254 I'll tell you how I fell for Cletus. 209 00:08:34,406 --> 00:08:36,181 It was one of those magical nights 210 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:39,834 when the world was young and everything was golden, 211 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,261 including his tooth. 212 00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:43,580 ("Winter" by Vivaldi playing) 213 00:08:43,598 --> 00:08:45,840 We were seated at the same hay bale 214 00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:48,860 at my sister's shotgun wedding. 215 00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:52,179 -Um, is this bale six? -It is. 216 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:55,033 Do you ever look at someone across a crowded pasture 217 00:08:55,184 --> 00:08:56,760 and your knees went all weak? 218 00:08:56,853 --> 00:09:00,021 Not from rickets or scurvy, but from sheer infatuation? 219 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,933 Oh, I ransacked my brain for le mot juste, 220 00:09:04,027 --> 00:09:05,602 but all I could find was... 221 00:09:05,771 --> 00:09:06,711 Derr. 222 00:09:06,863 --> 00:09:08,938 Derr yourself. 223 00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:10,048 BRANDINE: In that moment, 224 00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:12,625 twenty years of being the middle child 225 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,277 in a family of 37 226 00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:17,872 fell away like high-heeled shoes on a wedding night. 227 00:09:17,966 --> 00:09:20,967 Uh, you know, I'm pretty sure we's cousins. 228 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,711 Second? First? 229 00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:25,212 Kissing. 230 00:09:25,381 --> 00:09:26,472 Aww. 231 00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:28,608 ♪ ♪ 232 00:09:33,148 --> 00:09:35,556 You ever driven a tractor before? 233 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,908 No, sir. 234 00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:39,060 These blades massage the soil 235 00:09:39,154 --> 00:09:42,639 to make it ready for what is sure to follow. 236 00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:44,307 Churn that soil. 237 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,826 Churning. Always a-churning. 238 00:09:46,978 --> 00:09:52,090 Until you just plant that seed in there real deep. (whoops) 239 00:09:52,241 --> 00:09:54,167 You do this with all your dates? 240 00:09:54,319 --> 00:09:57,745 Now, if I did, don't you think this field would be plowed? 241 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,657 This is just for you, darling. 242 00:10:00,675 --> 00:10:02,008 Mmm. (giggles) 243 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,661 You're ruining my marijuana! 244 00:10:04,663 --> 00:10:08,665 BRANDINE: That night, I knew the next shotgun wedding I went to 245 00:10:08,758 --> 00:10:10,609 was gonna be mine. 246 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,444 ALL: Aww. 247 00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:14,529 ♪ ♪ 248 00:10:21,196 --> 00:10:24,489 Oh, look who it is, Little Miss Google Noodle. 249 00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:25,457 This isn't fair. 250 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,700 There's four times as many of you. 251 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,870 She's trying to teach us to multiply. 252 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:31,871 Get her! 253 00:10:32,023 --> 00:10:34,132 ♪ ♪ 254 00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:50,649 MYLES: Yoink. 255 00:10:52,135 --> 00:10:53,893 LISA: Hello? What is this? 256 00:10:54,062 --> 00:10:55,879 Fight over who beats me up first? 257 00:10:55,972 --> 00:10:57,972 BOY: Someone's nonplussed. 258 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,991 (gasps) Correct usage. 259 00:11:00,218 --> 00:11:01,217 Are you a real kid 260 00:11:01,236 --> 00:11:03,662 or did the voice in my head come to life? 261 00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:05,905 Lisa Simpson, 262 00:11:06,057 --> 00:11:07,499 I'd like to modestly ask you 263 00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:10,502 to join our League of Extraordinary Geniuses. 264 00:11:10,729 --> 00:11:13,672 (Piano Sonata No. 14 by Beethoven playing) 265 00:11:20,071 --> 00:11:21,513 A club for smart kids? 266 00:11:21,664 --> 00:11:25,091 But I've never noticed any other names on the online honor roll. 267 00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:26,743 And I refresh it hourly. 268 00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:29,078 We hide in the shadows. 269 00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:32,691 Which is scary, so we bring little flashlights. 270 00:11:32,918 --> 00:11:34,584 Eh, just you, Myles. 271 00:11:34,602 --> 00:11:35,676 Ah! 272 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:37,253 MYLES: To avoid suspicion, 273 00:11:37,255 --> 00:11:39,989 we figured out how to be good at sports. 274 00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,951 TOBY: We don't wear our glasses, 275 00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:54,028 even though we really need them. 276 00:11:54,122 --> 00:11:58,425 Hold on. That food is not fit for students. 277 00:12:00,295 --> 00:12:03,430 Starve a landfill, feed a teacher. 278 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,891 So you pretend to be dumb? 279 00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:08,801 Absolutely. To survive. 280 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:12,213 Like a brightly-colored bug who is actually poison inside. 281 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,733 The Dasymutilla Occidentalis? 282 00:12:14,884 --> 00:12:16,626 Don't tell anyone you know that. 283 00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:19,295 If you do, the bullies will pounce on you like an... 284 00:12:19,297 --> 00:12:20,888 Arilus Cristatus? 285 00:12:20,982 --> 00:12:23,983 Arilus Cristatus? Who said that? 286 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,559 -Ar... -Shh. Quiet. 287 00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:30,248 Name one more genus and species and you will be silenced. 288 00:12:31,309 --> 00:12:33,476 Engage the Idiot Shield. 289 00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:36,980 (on TV): Wheel. Of. Fortune. 290 00:12:36,998 --> 00:12:39,132 Wheel of Fortune's on. Let's get home. 291 00:12:42,153 --> 00:12:43,503 And that's how I realized 292 00:12:43,579 --> 00:12:46,322 wheelchair ramps are bitching skateboard jumps. 293 00:12:46,415 --> 00:12:48,658 Thanks, Americans with Disabilities Act. 294 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:49,917 (laughing) 295 00:12:50,011 --> 00:12:52,829 (sighs) I miss my rotten little apples. 296 00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:56,274 Especially the babies: Moderna, AstraZeneca, 297 00:12:56,351 --> 00:12:58,943 and the twins, Johnson & Johnson. 298 00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:00,520 Well, I just wanted to say, 299 00:13:00,672 --> 00:13:03,506 this is the best possum potpie I ever had. 300 00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:05,266 I know what you're thinking, Lisa. 301 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,193 But if God didn't want us to eat possums, 302 00:13:07,345 --> 00:13:09,679 he wouldn't have made them look so delicious. 303 00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:12,624 I'm just thinking about a club I may join at school. 304 00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,775 This one recruited me. 305 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,944 Aw, that's wonderful. 306 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,589 And Maggie, how was your day? 307 00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:22,801 (crying) 308 00:13:23,028 --> 00:13:25,528 I feel so bad for Brandine. 309 00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,713 Homie, will you go talk to Cletus? 310 00:13:27,866 --> 00:13:29,866 For you, baby, anything. 311 00:13:29,884 --> 00:13:30,716 (clicks) 312 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,646 Sorry. I didn't fix the light switch like you asked me to. 313 00:13:34,797 --> 00:13:36,630 Well, maybe tomorrow? 314 00:13:36,724 --> 00:13:38,650 For sure maybe. 315 00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:42,303 Homer, do you think people look at us and say, 316 00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:45,031 "Why does she stay with him?" 317 00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:47,233 Why does she stay with him? 318 00:13:47,385 --> 00:13:50,477 Lord, why does she stay with him? 319 00:13:50,646 --> 00:13:51,979 DUFFMAN: Oh, yeah! 320 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,057 Why does Mommy stay with... 321 00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,241 (muffled) 322 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,335 Don't tell her you can talk. 323 00:13:57,528 --> 00:14:00,079 I don't think I could've done better, 324 00:14:00,231 --> 00:14:03,007 but it seems every other person in town thinks so. 325 00:14:03,234 --> 00:14:05,492 You're not going to listen to everybody, are you? 326 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,903 No, I'm not. 327 00:14:06,996 --> 00:14:08,738 Just hang the blanket over the window 328 00:14:08,756 --> 00:14:10,089 so I can get to sleep. 329 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,741 We don't have to do that anymore 330 00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:14,077 because I fixed the blinds. 331 00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:16,437 (thudding) 332 00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:20,191 Ooh, a shooting star. 333 00:14:20,343 --> 00:14:21,918 That's the water heater. 334 00:14:21,936 --> 00:14:22,861 (shrieks) 335 00:14:23,088 --> 00:14:24,604 Cletus, you and Brandine have 336 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,147 to get back together. 337 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,107 Broken marriages are contagious. 338 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:31,594 This is not about if'n or not I love Brandine. I do! 339 00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:34,688 But she refused to tell me who she was. 340 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:38,117 Does she now think hill folk are a-a joke? 341 00:14:38,286 --> 00:14:40,269 Well, some of it's funny. 342 00:14:40,288 --> 00:14:43,106 I mean, that long underwear with the back door for the butt? 343 00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:44,774 When it flaps open... 344 00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,759 (cackling) 345 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,129 I mean, come on. (laughing) 346 00:14:50,281 --> 00:14:52,181 You just follow me. 347 00:14:53,134 --> 00:14:54,559 -(Homer chuckles) -Aw, sheet. 348 00:14:55,878 --> 00:14:58,396 ♪ ♪ 349 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,232 Brandine didn't just lie to me. 350 00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:03,292 What she done is made a mockery 351 00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:07,647 of my forebearers who possibly did include four bears. 352 00:15:07,799 --> 00:15:10,483 I want you to look at me not as a hick, or a bumpkin, 353 00:15:10,635 --> 00:15:12,818 but as a human being. With feelings. 354 00:15:12,971 --> 00:15:14,078 Just like you. 355 00:15:16,232 --> 00:15:18,249 Oh, my God. You're right. 356 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,475 (grunts) 357 00:15:19,494 --> 00:15:21,310 I don't know how to feel right now. 358 00:15:21,329 --> 00:15:22,736 I'm worried about your marriage. 359 00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:24,589 I'm worried about my marriage. 360 00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:26,257 Homer, no matter how you feel, 361 00:15:26,484 --> 00:15:30,011 there's a country song that expresses it perfectly. 362 00:15:31,673 --> 00:15:34,015 No, that's not quite it. 363 00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:37,518 Here we go. 364 00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:43,349 -It's like they're singing just to me. -(country music playing) 365 00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:46,093 ♪ Marge could've done better ♪ 366 00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:49,280 ♪ Yes, she could, yes, she could ♪ 367 00:15:49,432 --> 00:15:52,099 ♪ She regrets the day you met her ♪ 368 00:15:52,226 --> 00:15:55,344 ♪ Yes, she does, yes, she does ♪ 369 00:15:55,438 --> 00:15:58,439 ♪ She just realized you're no good ♪ 370 00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:02,443 ♪ Yes, she did, what took so long? ♪ 371 00:16:02,537 --> 00:16:05,463 (sobbing): Oh, why is it so catchy? 372 00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:07,281 (crying) 373 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,951 (singing along): ♪ She just realized you're no good ♪ 374 00:16:11,045 --> 00:16:14,263 ♪ Yes, she did, what took so long? ♪ 375 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,686 (crying) 376 00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:26,275 ("Swan Lake Theme" by Tchaikovsky playing) 377 00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:29,988 Are you leaving? 378 00:16:30,139 --> 00:16:31,714 I'm going home. 379 00:16:31,733 --> 00:16:32,991 Marriages aren't perfect. 380 00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:37,220 I've even forgiven him for blowing a jug in his sleep. 381 00:16:37,313 --> 00:16:39,497 -(jug vibrating softly) -(groans) 382 00:16:40,983 --> 00:16:43,226 Well, that's great, because my new friends 383 00:16:43,319 --> 00:16:44,818 have given me the same tip. 384 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,395 "Hide your intelligence." 385 00:16:46,414 --> 00:16:49,415 No, not you. You're too young. 386 00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:51,751 You have everything ahead of you. 387 00:16:51,903 --> 00:16:53,753 Show 'em how smart you are. 388 00:16:53,905 --> 00:16:55,421 -Really? -A-yup. 389 00:16:55,573 --> 00:16:58,165 You hear that, brain? You're free. 390 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,243 Veni, vidi, vici! 391 00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:02,353 Whoa, slow down there, poindexter. 392 00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:04,731 ("Goodbye Time" by Conway Twitty playing) 393 00:17:07,919 --> 00:17:11,112 ♪ You say you need a change ♪ 394 00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:17,610 ♪ Don't all the dreams ♪ 395 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:21,080 ♪ We've seen come true ♪ 396 00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:24,667 ♪ Mean anything? ♪ 397 00:17:28,773 --> 00:17:30,030 (indistinct chatter) 398 00:17:30,124 --> 00:17:32,050 Attention. I have some announcements 399 00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:33,367 regarding the cafeteria menu. 400 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,219 Several items are misspelled. 401 00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,221 "Gren beans" should be green beans. 402 00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:39,282 "Tater tats" are tater tots. 403 00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:40,950 "Healthy" should be not healthy. 404 00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:43,210 -Also... -(indistinct chatter) 405 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,788 You have to listen. I'm wearing a necktie. 406 00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:46,956 (chattering continues) 407 00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,983 I am not bemused. 408 00:17:49,977 --> 00:17:52,236 Uh, excuse me, Principal Skinner? 409 00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:54,072 Uh, I just wanted to say 410 00:17:54,299 --> 00:17:56,966 that I think you meant you are not "amused"? 411 00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:58,743 "Bemused" means bewildered. 412 00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:00,060 What is she doing? 413 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,822 Revealing her intellect. Oh, the fool. 414 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:06,417 This isn't a magnet school. We don't even own a magnet. 415 00:18:06,527 --> 00:18:09,378 (chuckles) That's because I swallowed it. 416 00:18:10,331 --> 00:18:11,405 (grunts) 417 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,500 Never again will I hide my intelligence. 418 00:18:14,652 --> 00:18:17,261 I am smartacus. 419 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,414 I am smartacus. 420 00:18:20,508 --> 00:18:23,417 Unsurprisingly, I also am smartacus. 421 00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:28,272 I am smartacus. Well, sort of smartacus. 422 00:18:28,424 --> 00:18:31,142 Well, perfect attendacus. 423 00:18:31,294 --> 00:18:33,111 Sitting downacus. 424 00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,505 SKINNER: It's time to squelch this wave 425 00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:37,764 of love of learning 426 00:18:37,859 --> 00:18:38,858 and show them who's boss. 427 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,601 They are, loser. 428 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,603 I declare half a day. 429 00:18:42,697 --> 00:18:44,288 Still too much. 430 00:18:44,515 --> 00:18:46,015 Okay, no day. 431 00:18:46,184 --> 00:18:47,441 (cheering) 432 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,019 Who wants their lunch money back? 433 00:18:50,188 --> 00:18:53,005 Not me. It's fish stick day. 434 00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:56,542 This is it, Brandine. Kill your brain. 435 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,543 Take your medicine. 436 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,453 ALL: Mama! 437 00:18:59,547 --> 00:19:00,972 Oh, hi, kids. 438 00:19:01,199 --> 00:19:04,049 (chuckles) Look at how some of you have grown. 439 00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:05,143 Where's your pap? 440 00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:07,145 He's been doing a lot of thinking. 441 00:19:07,296 --> 00:19:11,131 About you and him. Can't go on like it has. 442 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,133 He said he's going to a govement building 443 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,987 to get something so he can start a new life. 444 00:19:16,138 --> 00:19:18,047 No. I got to stop him. 445 00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:19,473 -It's too late. -Wha...? 446 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,716 Signed and sealed. 447 00:19:20,735 --> 00:19:24,403 I got me a liberry card. 448 00:19:24,555 --> 00:19:26,581 ♪ ♪ 449 00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:29,667 Oh, Cletus. 450 00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:32,420 And my first book. 451 00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:35,898 Yeah, man, this looks like a toughie. 452 00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:38,426 We'll get through it together. 453 00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:43,589 -Homie? -Marge, never again will I be the guy 454 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,242 about who people say, "Why is she still with him?" 455 00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:49,002 I fixed the drapes. And the light switch. 456 00:19:49,096 --> 00:19:51,914 -(clicking) -Oh, nice. 457 00:19:52,007 --> 00:19:53,098 But you'll have to do more than that. 458 00:19:53,251 --> 00:19:56,843 I also cleaned the lint trap in the dryer. 459 00:19:56,938 --> 00:19:58,345 (meows) 460 00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,513 And? 461 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:00,681 Four things? 462 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,182 Okay, Marge. I admit it. 463 00:20:02,276 --> 00:20:05,018 You could do better, but I couldn't. 464 00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:08,280 Every day you give me something awesome to shoot for. 465 00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:10,616 Though I may occasionally fall short, 466 00:20:10,768 --> 00:20:14,770 because you are so great, I will never stop trying. 467 00:20:14,789 --> 00:20:16,105 I love you, Marge. 468 00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:18,466 I love you, too. 469 00:20:20,611 --> 00:20:22,628 Finally, just in case I needed it. 470 00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:24,780 I got Elton John back. 471 00:20:24,873 --> 00:20:27,725 And he's here, ready to play for you again. 472 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:32,212 Oh, Homie. I never needed that. 473 00:20:32,306 --> 00:20:33,622 (kisses) 474 00:20:33,716 --> 00:20:37,476 You mean I learned 226 songs for nothing? 475 00:20:37,628 --> 00:20:40,629 I don't think they'll be needing you guys either. 476 00:20:40,648 --> 00:20:42,815 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 477 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,617 (drumroll) 478 00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:50,564 ♪ ♪ 479 00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:51,916 I want to tell y'all 480 00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:53,642 about an American classic 481 00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:58,256 that details a wealthy lifestyle far beyond my reckoning. 482 00:20:58,407 --> 00:21:01,166 It's called The Grapes of Wrath. 483 00:21:01,319 --> 00:21:04,262 It's about a middle-American family what drives 484 00:21:04,413 --> 00:21:06,672 to California for a better life. 485 00:21:06,824 --> 00:21:09,267 For a much better treatment of this subject, 486 00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:13,345 I recommend National Lampoon's Vacation, 487 00:21:13,498 --> 00:21:16,607 now available on Hillbilly Plus. 488 00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:19,593 Y'all come back now, you hear? 489 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,837 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 490 00:21:21,856 --> 00:21:23,506 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 491 00:21:23,524 --> 00:21:25,449 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 492 00:21:25,601 --> 00:21:27,526 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 493 00:21:27,678 --> 00:21:29,662 Shh!