1 00:00:06,582 --> 00:00:09,591 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 2 00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:17,574 (all three grunt) 3 00:00:17,667 --> 00:00:18,759 (grunting) 4 00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,702 Listen up, ya pukes. 5 00:00:20,763 --> 00:00:23,430 You're only calling us that 'cause we puked in the van. 6 00:00:23,599 --> 00:00:25,432 You've been sentenced to complete 7 00:00:25,584 --> 00:00:27,601 "The Highland Trek for Troubled Truants" 8 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,511 by the juvenile court. 9 00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:31,179 So why are you in charge? 10 00:00:31,273 --> 00:00:34,424 Because this is my sentence from the adult court! 11 00:00:34,593 --> 00:00:36,351 Now watch the video. 12 00:00:36,445 --> 00:00:39,204 Welcome, wayward teens and aspiring criminals. 13 00:00:39,431 --> 00:00:41,707 The Highlands Trek will teach you resilience, 14 00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:44,359 team-building, collective mindfulness-- 15 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,769 WILLIE: Stupid buzzwords! 16 00:00:45,788 --> 00:00:47,028 They mean nothing. 17 00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:49,715 Just get your sorry arses to Ankle Rock 18 00:00:49,942 --> 00:00:51,383 by tomorrow at noon. 19 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,385 Uh, I'm not really seeing the ankle. 20 00:00:53,537 --> 00:00:56,263 The ankle doesn't care what ya see! 21 00:00:57,466 --> 00:00:59,433 (munching loudly) 22 00:01:03,639 --> 00:01:04,546 (chuckles) 23 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,548 Oh, man, this is so lame. 24 00:01:06,716 --> 00:01:08,216 They're just picking on us because we're thugs 25 00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:10,794 and badasses, right, guys? 26 00:01:10,813 --> 00:01:13,463 (chuckles) Nice backpack, Simpson. 27 00:01:13,482 --> 00:01:16,800 What do you got in there, ladies' underwear? 28 00:01:16,819 --> 00:01:18,577 (both laughing) 29 00:01:18,728 --> 00:01:20,987 Lovely, you've already isolated the weak one. 30 00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:24,249 (laughs) But there's still one more delinquent 31 00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:27,086 to join your scurvy crew. 32 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,999 Hello, fellows. (grunts) 33 00:01:33,152 --> 00:01:36,095 Oh, my! I seem to have turtled myself. 34 00:01:36,246 --> 00:01:40,265 Now, Martin, don't forget your nightly tick check. 35 00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,768 You know how they love the little fat folds 36 00:01:42,995 --> 00:01:44,661 -in your tum-tum. -Yes, Mother. 37 00:01:44,754 --> 00:01:48,014 My magnifying glass and tweezers are in my toiletry pouch. 38 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,850 -Huh? -Uh... 39 00:01:50,002 --> 00:01:51,335 BART: Thank you, God! 40 00:01:51,353 --> 00:01:52,611 You sent me a dork so dweeby 41 00:01:52,762 --> 00:01:54,020 even I can pick on him. 42 00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:56,264 Nice backpack, Martin. 43 00:01:56,358 --> 00:01:58,817 What do you got in there, ladies' underwear? 44 00:01:58,969 --> 00:02:00,844 -(both laugh) -Good one. 45 00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:02,346 (laughs) 46 00:02:02,364 --> 00:02:04,681 Come on, Simpson, let's get this over with. 47 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:08,201 Oh, and as you wander aimlessly, freezing, hungry 48 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,371 and weeping for your mothers, keep your eyes open. 49 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,024 Along the way, you might just find 50 00:02:14,117 --> 00:02:17,377 the greatest of all treasures. 51 00:02:17,529 --> 00:02:18,528 Whoa, treasure. 52 00:02:18,622 --> 00:02:20,139 This death march to stay out of prison 53 00:02:20,215 --> 00:02:22,382 just got interesting. 54 00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:24,459 (chuckles) They're so screwed. 55 00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:27,396 Well, better get off to me side hustle. 56 00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:32,467 Woof, woof! Birthday Dog says, "Happy birthday." 57 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,528 ♪ ♪ 58 00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:37,990 So, Simpson, 59 00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:40,901 what did you do to get stuck on this perp hike? 60 00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:42,569 Let's just say I got a little creative 61 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,705 with some laundry pods. 62 00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:47,391 (air horn blows) 63 00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:48,667 (explosion) 64 00:02:48,818 --> 00:02:50,485 (cats meowing) 65 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,670 (siren wailing) 66 00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,063 (buzzer sounds) 67 00:02:53,081 --> 00:02:55,340 Not bad. Juvenile, but delinquent. 68 00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:58,093 Not half as cool as what I did, though. 69 00:02:59,663 --> 00:03:00,921 (bell dings) 70 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,014 (siren wailing) 71 00:03:02,165 --> 00:03:04,090 (buzzer sounds) 72 00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:07,019 What can I say? I love dining al fresco. 73 00:03:07,246 --> 00:03:09,596 Who doesn't? But check out what I did. 74 00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:13,358 -(glass shattering) -(coins jingling) 75 00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:16,086 -(siren wailing) -(buzzer sounds) 76 00:03:16,179 --> 00:03:19,013 I wonder what Princey Pants did to get stuck here? 77 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,516 Nothing. I chose to be here. 78 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,426 ALL THREE: Wha...? 79 00:03:22,444 --> 00:03:23,944 This extracurricular activity 80 00:03:24,096 --> 00:03:27,264 will give me an edge with the most exclusive middle schools. 81 00:03:27,357 --> 00:03:29,357 Carvingsley, Thistleberry Hall... 82 00:03:29,451 --> 00:03:31,859 -Stop being you. -(grunting) 83 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,954 BART: Included in the shoving circle. 84 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:36,030 Could this day get any better? 85 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:38,032 Wisteria Country Day... 86 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,200 (humming) 87 00:03:39,294 --> 00:03:41,461 Hey, Marjorie, without the boy around, 88 00:03:41,613 --> 00:03:43,555 -maybe we can... (whispering) -Mm. 89 00:03:43,707 --> 00:03:45,206 And... (whispering) 90 00:03:45,342 --> 00:03:47,041 -Mm. -And... (giggles) 91 00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:48,952 (whispering) 92 00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:51,045 Oh, Homie, I like two of those things. 93 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,065 And I'll consider the third. 94 00:03:53,216 --> 00:03:55,216 (both giggling) 95 00:03:55,385 --> 00:03:56,977 -(both gasp) -Non-problem child! 96 00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:59,387 Mom, Dad, with Bart away, 97 00:03:59,481 --> 00:04:03,057 I can now fulfill a dream I never dared speak aloud. 98 00:04:03,151 --> 00:04:06,060 For one fleeting weekend, I want to live as... 99 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,821 an only child. 100 00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:10,640 "Only child"? What about Maggie? 101 00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:14,160 Um, I kind of made alternate arrangements for her. 102 00:04:14,313 --> 00:04:17,071 Time for a Flip This Bathroom marathon. 103 00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:20,425 Ooh, baby, Mama loves her terra cotta. 104 00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:22,210 (sighs) 105 00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:24,579 As you can see on this pie chart, 106 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:28,174 this is the time you spend on my older and younger siblings. 107 00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:30,769 So, if you'll just humor a middle child's 108 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,496 most frivolous whimsy, 109 00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:35,015 I would like you to spend the entire weekend 110 00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:37,667 focusing only on me. 111 00:04:37,686 --> 00:04:38,944 -No. -Homer! 112 00:04:39,171 --> 00:04:40,445 Of course we will. 113 00:04:40,597 --> 00:04:41,929 Oh, it's wonderful! 114 00:04:42,024 --> 00:04:43,598 Oh, and for the next two days, 115 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,026 I would like you to call me Jules. 116 00:04:46,194 --> 00:04:48,436 I think an only child would have a name 117 00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,497 like Jules. 118 00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:54,034 Okay! Our first only-child activity 119 00:04:54,186 --> 00:04:55,627 is gonna be playing horsey. 120 00:04:55,854 --> 00:04:57,779 Start working on your neighs. 121 00:04:57,947 --> 00:04:59,947 (both neighing) 122 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,092 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 123 00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:10,867 ♪ Who still sleeps in Mommy's bed? ♪ 124 00:05:10,886 --> 00:05:13,053 ♪ Seymour Skinner ♪ 125 00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,555 ♪ Who wears a toupee on his head? ♪ 126 00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:17,465 ♪ Seymour Skinner ♪ 127 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,060 ♪ Who kisses Gary Chalmers' butt? ♪ 128 00:05:20,228 --> 00:05:22,154 ♪ Seymour Skinner ♪ 129 00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:25,139 ♪ He does his best with budget cuts ♪ 130 00:05:25,233 --> 00:05:28,327 ♪ Seymour Skinner... ♪ 131 00:05:28,554 --> 00:05:30,162 (sighs) Don't worry, guys. 132 00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:32,980 I got this. (grunts) 133 00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:34,741 (bleating nearby) 134 00:05:34,893 --> 00:05:36,651 What the hell was that? 135 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,670 It's a baby goat. 136 00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:40,413 In a cage. 137 00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:42,323 (bleating) 138 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,158 Yeah, okay, okay. The best thing to do 139 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,011 is just kick it and leave. 140 00:05:46,162 --> 00:05:49,163 Hold on, goat-- G-O-A-T. 141 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,257 This has to be the "greatest of all treasures" 142 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,927 that janitor guy was talking about. 143 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,670 What kind of treasure is a goat? 144 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,415 Trust me, I've done all the disciplinary courses. 145 00:05:58,433 --> 00:06:02,085 Outward Bound, Inward Pummel, Empathy Boot Camp. 146 00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:04,178 They always have stupid word puzzles, 147 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,772 and this is one of them. 148 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,942 We got to take the goat with us back to Ankle Rock. 149 00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:11,352 Hell no-- I don't trust that thing. 150 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,279 Look at those frog-ass eyes. 151 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,207 Which way is he even supposed to be looking? 152 00:06:15,434 --> 00:06:16,708 (bleats) 153 00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:18,101 Tough nards, goat-scroat. 154 00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:19,694 It's coming with us. 155 00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:22,288 Welcome to the Troubled Truants. 156 00:06:22,441 --> 00:06:24,049 (bleats) 157 00:06:24,126 --> 00:06:26,259 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 158 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,115 (bleating) 159 00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:34,208 BART: You know, this goat's pretty cool. 160 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,137 I think we should call him... Axel. 161 00:06:37,347 --> 00:06:40,065 No way! That name's reserved for Axl Rose, 162 00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:42,142 the god of heavy metal. 163 00:06:42,294 --> 00:06:44,628 Well, this Axel eats metal. 164 00:06:44,721 --> 00:06:47,221 (gasps) My hearts of palm! 165 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,150 Whoa! Axel likes nerd grub. 166 00:06:50,302 --> 00:06:52,059 (chuckles) Let's see what other 167 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,486 -stupid stuff it eats. -(gasps) 168 00:06:53,639 --> 00:06:54,821 My smoothie-shaker! 169 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,564 My graphing calculator! 170 00:06:56,658 --> 00:06:58,250 (gasps) My night crocs! 171 00:06:58,477 --> 00:06:59,826 (sobbing) 172 00:07:00,829 --> 00:07:04,147 Guys, maybe we should let him keep some of his stuff? 173 00:07:04,149 --> 00:07:06,166 You're sticking up for this dorkus? 174 00:07:06,318 --> 00:07:08,927 Maybe you're not the jerk we thought you were. 175 00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:11,337 (moaning nearby) 176 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,991 (monstrous voice): Return our sacrificial goat. 177 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:18,228 Or my scythe shall reap your souls. 178 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:21,731 -(all scream) -(Axel bleating) 179 00:07:25,671 --> 00:07:29,689 (monstrous voice): Return our goat or die! 180 00:07:29,841 --> 00:07:30,949 (all scream) 181 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,951 (Axel bleating) 182 00:07:33,102 --> 00:07:35,120 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 183 00:07:40,035 --> 00:07:41,793 (panting): Haw-haw! Haw-haw! 184 00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:43,462 Haw-haw! 185 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,041 I think those skull-heads were Satanists. 186 00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:50,969 Ah, great, we finally meet someone cool, 187 00:07:51,196 --> 00:07:53,287 and they want to chop us in half. 188 00:07:53,381 --> 00:07:55,456 According to the map, this river goes 189 00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:57,217 right by Ankle Rock. 190 00:07:57,385 --> 00:07:58,977 And, look, Dame Fortune 191 00:07:59,128 --> 00:08:01,313 has gifted us a canoe. 192 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,225 Let's splash this thing. 193 00:08:05,393 --> 00:08:06,318 (bleating) 194 00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:08,469 Come on, Axel, get in the boat. 195 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:11,323 Ugh. Forget that stupid chomp horse. 196 00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:12,807 Just leave him. 197 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,659 Yeah, bros before goats. 198 00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:17,996 But you said he was the greatest of all treasures. 199 00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:19,664 I'm allowed to change my mind. 200 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,392 I contain multitudes, dingus. 201 00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:24,836 But if the Satanists find Axel, they'll slaughter 202 00:08:25,063 --> 00:08:27,005 every last hair on his chinny chin chin! 203 00:08:27,156 --> 00:08:29,566 We can just walk-- it'll take a little longer, 204 00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:32,844 but I can always use more steps on my FatBit. 205 00:08:32,996 --> 00:08:34,571 -Walk? -No way! 206 00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:36,515 Okay, Simpson, you got to choose. 207 00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:38,558 Boat or goat? 208 00:08:39,244 --> 00:08:40,352 (soft, sad bleat) 209 00:08:40,503 --> 00:08:41,686 Mm... 210 00:08:41,838 --> 00:08:44,523 I guess I'm with Axel. 211 00:08:44,674 --> 00:08:46,674 And... Martin. 212 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,175 (Martin whooping) 213 00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:50,695 Your funeral, nard-bags. 214 00:08:50,922 --> 00:08:53,089 Okay, river, to Ankle Rock. 215 00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:55,308 It's just you and me, chum. 216 00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:57,944 And, good news, the footbridge across the river 217 00:08:58,096 --> 00:09:00,205 is only eight kilometers away. 218 00:09:00,432 --> 00:09:03,433 (sighs) This day just keeps getting better. 219 00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:06,027 This day just keeps getting better! 220 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,879 Ha! My roll again. 221 00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:09,864 Boy, my turn comes so much quicker 222 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,050 when there's only the three of us. 223 00:09:13,128 --> 00:09:15,128 This is pretty fun, Lisa. 224 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,614 -(clears throat) -I mean, Jules, Jules. 225 00:09:17,632 --> 00:09:19,966 I didn't even know we had Suffragette Monopoly. 226 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,376 And there's the box. 227 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,788 Because it's been buried under the games 228 00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:26,523 Bart always gets to play. 229 00:09:27,642 --> 00:09:29,309 And there are the boxes. 230 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,384 Ha! Yay! 231 00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,645 You landed on my protest corner. 232 00:09:32,798 --> 00:09:34,480 $250, please. 233 00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:35,740 Fine, here's 234 00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:38,726 two Lucretia Motts and an Elizabeth Cady Stanton. 235 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,728 But I want to wear the hat. 236 00:09:40,822 --> 00:09:41,729 -Hmm? -Mm. 237 00:09:41,823 --> 00:09:43,064 Is that the time? 238 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,249 We're way behind on my list 239 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,309 of only-child activities. 240 00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:48,494 Hmm, "stuffed animal high tea, 241 00:09:48,647 --> 00:09:50,088 toenail painting party?" 242 00:09:50,315 --> 00:09:52,239 Do I even have toenails? 243 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,817 Our sourdough should have been 244 00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,927 in the proving drawer 20 minutes ago! 245 00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:57,596 Honey, relax. 246 00:09:57,823 --> 00:09:59,172 We have plenty of time. 247 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,415 Bart will be back in 18 hours. 248 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,934 Now, let's get moving, people. 249 00:10:03,086 --> 00:10:04,436 If this bread doesn't rise, 250 00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:06,438 you're gonna see a side of Jules 251 00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:08,440 you never knew existed. 252 00:10:08,516 --> 00:10:10,692 (whispering loudly): I'm scared of Jules. 253 00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:14,838 -Stupid oars. -Stupid river. 254 00:10:14,931 --> 00:10:17,115 (grunting) 255 00:10:19,511 --> 00:10:21,268 (shivering) 256 00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:23,955 -(thunder rolling) -Huh? 257 00:10:24,107 --> 00:10:25,773 (both shivering) 258 00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,792 "Welcome to our Airbnb." 259 00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:29,369 What the hell's that? 260 00:10:29,521 --> 00:10:30,962 It's when rich people rent their extra houses out 261 00:10:31,189 --> 00:10:34,090 -for lots of money. -Extra houses? 262 00:10:34,951 --> 00:10:36,718 Gah... 263 00:10:38,196 --> 00:10:41,431 ("Everybody's Jumping" by Dave Brubeck Quartet playing) 264 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,370 BOTH: Oh! 265 00:10:47,463 --> 00:10:49,205 Al fresco! 266 00:10:49,224 --> 00:10:51,374 (thunder crashes) 267 00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:54,377 My parents won't let me watch Itchy and Scratchy. 268 00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:57,471 But I do watch Caillou, a Canadian educational program 269 00:10:57,491 --> 00:11:00,808 about a bald boy fascinated by the world around him. 270 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,236 (groans) Sounds great. 271 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:06,814 Hey, my Code Orange Nuclear Cheezee Thingz! 272 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,983 That's my breakfast, lunch and dinner. 273 00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:11,060 (bleats, burps) 274 00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:13,338 You know, Bart, this summer, my family's going 275 00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:16,566 to visit Grandmother Didi and her friend Carol 276 00:11:16,659 --> 00:11:18,251 on Sanibel Island. 277 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,086 Mother and Father said I can bring a chum. 278 00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:22,514 What say that chum were you? 279 00:11:22,665 --> 00:11:24,182 (groans) Shut up! 280 00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:27,410 Just because we both like this goat doesn't mean I like you. 281 00:11:27,429 --> 00:11:29,854 I mean, come on, you're a loser nerd 282 00:11:30,081 --> 00:11:31,748 and I'm King Stink. 283 00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:35,509 We have nothing in common, and we can never be friends. 284 00:11:35,587 --> 00:11:36,736 (gasps) 285 00:11:41,092 --> 00:11:42,850 -(munching) -Lisa... 286 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,944 Uh, Jules, slow down. 287 00:11:45,096 --> 00:11:46,871 There's plenty of ice cream. 288 00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:48,448 No way. 289 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,192 Bart always eats all the Mint Choco Smash. 290 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,453 (munching): And I... 291 00:11:53,621 --> 00:11:55,772 don't get any. 292 00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:57,865 Now I'm gonna finish it. 293 00:11:57,943 --> 00:11:59,718 (munching) 294 00:11:59,869 --> 00:12:02,587 Oh, my gosh, it's time for my only-child beat poetry. 295 00:12:02,739 --> 00:12:04,723 Okay, Mom, you're on bongos. 296 00:12:04,874 --> 00:12:07,058 Dad, you snap. 297 00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,228 A room to myself. 298 00:12:10,455 --> 00:12:13,047 becomes a womb to my self. 299 00:12:13,141 --> 00:12:17,051 A solitary tree in this only-child family. 300 00:12:17,145 --> 00:12:19,404 Not lonely, but singular. 301 00:12:19,631 --> 00:12:20,964 Ya dig? 302 00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:23,408 (laughs) Okay, okay, okay, next activity! 303 00:12:23,635 --> 00:12:26,077 Hey, we didn't get to do my poem. 304 00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:27,320 (Marge sighs) 305 00:12:27,472 --> 00:12:29,322 There's no time! (munching) 306 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,399 We still have Daddy-daughter piggyback ride. 307 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,977 Giddyap! 308 00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:35,979 Oh, this is great! It's so great! 309 00:12:35,997 --> 00:12:38,498 I'm finally an only child. 310 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,574 Faster, faster! 311 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,594 (retching) 312 00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:47,782 Jules doesn't feel so good. 313 00:12:47,784 --> 00:12:49,416 I'm sorry. 314 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,602 That's okay, sweetie. 315 00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:53,846 All my best nights end with throwing up, too. 316 00:12:54,015 --> 00:12:56,191 (both snoring) 317 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,445 (both screaming) 318 00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:02,855 (monstrous voice): Where be our goat? 319 00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:04,674 (both scream) 320 00:13:04,843 --> 00:13:06,267 But we don't have the goat. 321 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,344 The other losers have it. 322 00:13:08,437 --> 00:13:10,863 Banish them to the dungeon. 323 00:13:11,016 --> 00:13:12,698 (both thud) 324 00:13:12,851 --> 00:13:14,233 (door creaks closed) 325 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,353 -(pounding on door) -NELSON: Let us out! 326 00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:20,215 DOLPH: There's old lawn chairs down here! 327 00:13:21,209 --> 00:13:23,209 So... what time tomorrow 328 00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:25,136 do you think we'll make it to the rock, buddy? 329 00:13:25,363 --> 00:13:26,696 I'm not your buddy. 330 00:13:26,714 --> 00:13:28,031 I don't have any buddies. 331 00:13:28,199 --> 00:13:30,124 (sighs) Well, you could. 332 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,869 Just pretend to like stuff regular kids like. 333 00:13:32,887 --> 00:13:35,296 Dial down the dork a little bit. 334 00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:36,873 You think it's that easy? 335 00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:38,374 You don't know the hell I'm living in! 336 00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:40,226 My parents have me in a pressure cooker! 337 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,211 Classical Greek club, waltzing lessons. 338 00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,047 I'm going to explode. 339 00:13:44,065 --> 00:13:46,825 And I have problems, Bart-- scary problems! 340 00:13:46,976 --> 00:13:48,809 I see two therapists! 341 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,644 They email each other about me. 342 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,832 And I'm on drugs-- Focusyn to help me focus, 343 00:13:53,983 --> 00:13:55,834 Somnicrank to help me sleep! 344 00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:57,651 I hope you take those with food. 345 00:13:57,745 --> 00:14:00,654 And don't forget Intriginol to lift my spirts. 346 00:14:00,748 --> 00:14:02,748 Because they're low, Bart. 347 00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:04,901 Ever so low. 348 00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:07,253 Dude, you're freaking us out! 349 00:14:07,405 --> 00:14:09,997 And I didn't volunteer for this juvie-jaunt. 350 00:14:10,091 --> 00:14:12,183 Like you, I was sentenced to it. 351 00:14:12,335 --> 00:14:15,311 Because of what I did. 352 00:14:17,265 --> 00:14:18,339 -(siren wailing) -I broke into that pharmacy 353 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,266 to steal more drugs, 354 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,086 because I still wasn't focused enough to please my parents. 355 00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:26,089 Never enough focus for Gareth and Gloria. 356 00:14:26,107 --> 00:14:28,608 Whoa, you may not be cool, 357 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,536 but you're psycho, and that makes you kind of awesome. 358 00:14:31,763 --> 00:14:34,155 Your words of praise are but honey drizzled 359 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,374 -on bitter greens! -Huh? 360 00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:39,043 You're only nice to me when no one's around. 361 00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:40,879 Which makes you worse than a bully. 362 00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:43,773 It makes you a coward and a conformist. 363 00:14:43,866 --> 00:14:46,217 You're not a rebel or a bad boy. 364 00:14:46,369 --> 00:14:47,627 (laughs) 365 00:14:47,779 --> 00:14:50,037 You're nothing but a follower. 366 00:14:50,131 --> 00:14:52,390 Come on, Axel, let's go. 367 00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:55,476 Axel, no, you can't choose him over me. 368 00:14:58,456 --> 00:14:59,639 (bleats) 369 00:14:59,791 --> 00:15:00,957 Mm... 370 00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:03,192 (groans) 371 00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:10,800 -(bleats) -Axel! 372 00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:12,135 I knew you'd come back for me. 373 00:15:12,228 --> 00:15:14,746 Oh, I love you too, goat, 374 00:15:14,897 --> 00:15:17,582 with your wet slimy kisses. 375 00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:19,142 (screams) Ew, slugs! 376 00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:21,602 Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! 377 00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:23,829 Hmm. Oh, right. 378 00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:25,924 I've been ditched, I'm lost, 379 00:15:26,151 --> 00:15:28,818 and the only people looking for me are... 380 00:15:28,836 --> 00:15:30,653 Satanists. 381 00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:32,913 (grunting) Let us out! 382 00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:35,324 We'll do Satan stuff for you! 383 00:15:35,418 --> 00:15:38,436 Like grow pointy beards or draw them on with eyeliner! 384 00:15:38,663 --> 00:15:40,939 I ask you a final time. 385 00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,683 Where is our sacrifice? 386 00:15:43,835 --> 00:15:46,593 We told you, we don't know where the goat is. 387 00:15:46,688 --> 00:15:49,280 Then prepare to die! 388 00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,508 How? 389 00:15:52,527 --> 00:15:54,661 (both grunt) 390 00:15:55,863 --> 00:15:57,789 (yawns) 391 00:15:57,865 --> 00:16:00,441 What time is it? What happened? 392 00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:03,202 Oh, sweetie, you got a little overexcited 393 00:16:03,354 --> 00:16:05,779 and barfed yourself to sleep. 394 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,115 Wait, I spent all night sleeping in bed 395 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:11,469 between Mom and Dad, center spoon? 396 00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:14,822 It doesn't get more "only child" than that. 397 00:16:14,824 --> 00:16:18,034 Wait, there's still time for us to do "a gender-blind production 398 00:16:18,052 --> 00:16:20,812 of The Crucible," whatever those words mean. 399 00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:22,963 Meh, that's kind of a Jules thing. 400 00:16:23,057 --> 00:16:25,374 Right now, I'd kind of rather just stay in bed 401 00:16:25,468 --> 00:16:26,985 and be a Lisa. 402 00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:28,969 ALL THREE: Mm. 403 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,197 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 404 00:16:41,926 --> 00:16:43,592 I don't need that stupid Martin. 405 00:16:43,594 --> 00:16:45,394 I can make it to Ankle Rock on my own. 406 00:16:45,413 --> 00:16:47,730 Compass, which way do I go? 407 00:16:47,749 --> 00:16:49,398 Compass? (groans) 408 00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:51,492 Must not be getting a signal. 409 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,510 (glass shatters) 410 00:16:52,587 --> 00:16:54,995 Ew, it's poop. 411 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,181 Nuclear orange poop... (gasps) 412 00:16:57,258 --> 00:16:59,726 Just like those Cheezee Thingz Axel ate. 413 00:16:59,911 --> 00:17:02,520 This is goat poop. 414 00:17:04,249 --> 00:17:06,357 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 415 00:17:10,922 --> 00:17:12,280 (gasps) 416 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,867 Martin. Martin! Oh, my God. 417 00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:17,777 -He's dead! -(Martin moaning) 418 00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:20,038 Oh, you're alive! 419 00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:22,948 -Man, you're a heavy sleeper. -(yawns) 420 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,601 That would be the Somnicrank. 421 00:17:25,694 --> 00:17:29,530 Listen man, that stuff you said to me, you were right. 422 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,215 I shouldn't care what those bullies think of me. 423 00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:33,776 Well, I'm glad you've learned that their approval 424 00:17:33,869 --> 00:17:36,587 -is meaningless. -NELSON: Help! 425 00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:39,540 Satanists are gonna kill us! 426 00:17:39,708 --> 00:17:42,134 Oh, my God, I've got to save those bullies. 427 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,895 Then they'll think I'm awesome. 428 00:17:44,046 --> 00:17:46,397 No, then they'll think we're awesome. 429 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,362 (shouting) 430 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,649 Cut! 431 00:17:56,801 --> 00:18:00,636 You can turn off the voice-changing app, Madison. 432 00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,580 Huh? Huh? 433 00:18:02,731 --> 00:18:05,157 (normal voice): Those little kids ruined the shot. 434 00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:08,086 Wait? This is just a movie? 435 00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:10,146 They're not Satanists, they're... 436 00:18:10,239 --> 00:18:12,648 (shudders) ...film students. 437 00:18:12,741 --> 00:18:14,908 (laughs) The only thing worse 438 00:18:15,002 --> 00:18:17,153 than nerds are film nerds. 439 00:18:17,171 --> 00:18:19,079 My cousin went to film school. 440 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,432 And now he walks dogs for a living. 441 00:18:21,659 --> 00:18:23,175 (groans) Stupid kids! 442 00:18:23,328 --> 00:18:25,085 Now we'll never get into Splatter Fest. 443 00:18:25,163 --> 00:18:27,012 Let alone win the Palme D'gore! 444 00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:29,065 (grunting) 445 00:18:31,169 --> 00:18:32,852 (both shouting) 446 00:18:33,004 --> 00:18:34,353 You knocked the blade off its track! 447 00:18:34,522 --> 00:18:37,490 Those little dudes are gonna get sacrificed for real. 448 00:18:38,526 --> 00:18:40,509 Now we're getting the performance. 449 00:18:40,528 --> 00:18:42,120 That's the fear. 450 00:18:43,197 --> 00:18:44,864 Oh, that crazy blade's going everywhere. 451 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,940 What do we do? 452 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,793 Hmm. (gasps) 453 00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:51,537 MARTIN: The movements of the pendulum may seem random, 454 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,114 but it actually swings in the exact pattern 455 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,041 of Strauss' "Blue Danube." 456 00:18:56,194 --> 00:18:58,344 Bart, waltz with me. 457 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,182 (humming Strauss' "Blue Danube") 458 00:19:12,393 --> 00:19:15,060 It's okay, it's okay, we can make this work. 459 00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,546 We can just add the kid corpses in post. 460 00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:18,881 (grunting) 461 00:19:18,883 --> 00:19:19,973 -MADISON: Oh, God, no! -(burps) 462 00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:22,234 Our entire film was on that! 463 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,830 My footage, my beautiful faked found footage! 464 00:19:26,057 --> 00:19:28,315 (sobbing) 465 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:31,744 I can't go back to selling essential oils on Facebook. 466 00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:34,488 No one knows what they are. 467 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,490 ALL FOUR: Haw-haw! 468 00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:38,551 Baa-baa! 469 00:19:40,405 --> 00:19:42,013 So then the po-po showed up 470 00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:44,073 and hauled me away. 471 00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,516 I hate the po-po! 472 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,167 Prince, you're a certified 473 00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:49,395 pre-owned bad-ass. 474 00:19:50,431 --> 00:19:51,230 Hmm. 475 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,511 I was sure you'd get lost 476 00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,180 and eat the wee fat one, but you made it. 477 00:20:00,349 --> 00:20:02,942 And that earns you the greatest of all treasures. 478 00:20:03,094 --> 00:20:04,944 And it's right behind you. 479 00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:08,097 It's the land you traversed, 480 00:20:08,157 --> 00:20:10,208 the journey you made, 481 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,935 and the character you built. 482 00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:15,213 Are you freaking kidding me? 483 00:20:15,289 --> 00:20:17,940 That's not treasure, that's garbage. 484 00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:19,884 Nature is garbage. 485 00:20:20,035 --> 00:20:22,220 (grunting) 486 00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:26,224 Step away from those bad kids, Martin. 487 00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:28,226 You'll be late for your violin lesson. 488 00:20:28,453 --> 00:20:30,561 By the way, you play that now. 489 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,806 Yeah, they are bad kids. 490 00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:35,066 Just like me. 491 00:20:35,293 --> 00:20:37,810 And bad kids ride in the van. 492 00:20:37,886 --> 00:20:40,554 If it makes you nervous, take a pill. 493 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,615 (boys laughing) 494 00:20:44,485 --> 00:20:44,909 (Martin grunts) 495 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,227 (bleating) 496 00:20:47,396 --> 00:20:49,330 ♪ ♪ 497 00:21:03,004 --> 00:21:05,096 Maggie, honey, play nice with the kitty. 498 00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:07,339 I just have to... (shouting) 499 00:21:07,492 --> 00:21:09,600 Oh, aah, the cat! (screaming) 500 00:21:09,752 --> 00:21:11,752 -Oh, my God, aah! -Bart, Bart, you come back here. 501 00:21:11,846 --> 00:21:14,513 -(yowling) -(sobbing): Ow! -Bart! 502 00:21:14,665 --> 00:21:15,940 -MARGE: Almost gotcha. -(chuckles) 503 00:21:16,167 --> 00:21:17,182 -(Snowball II yowling) -HOMER: Oh, come back here! 504 00:21:17,351 --> 00:21:18,851 -Oh! Let go! Ow! -BART: Yum. 505 00:21:19,003 --> 00:21:20,169 MARGE: I'm gonna send you back 506 00:21:20,187 --> 00:21:21,279 to Willie if you don't stop this. 507 00:21:21,506 --> 00:21:23,597 -(Bart chuckles) -MARGE: You stop right now. 508 00:21:23,691 --> 00:21:25,174 -HOMER: Why is no one helping me?! -MARGE: Give me that 509 00:21:25,192 --> 00:21:26,191 tub of ice cream. 510 00:21:26,344 --> 00:21:27,618 HOMER: Does anybody even see this?! 511 00:21:27,695 --> 00:21:28,844 (yelling) 512 00:21:28,937 --> 00:21:30,346 Ah...! 513 00:21:30,439 --> 00:21:32,773 (Homer sobbing) 514 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,441 Ow! Oh, let go! 515 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,110 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 516 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:40,539 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 517 00:21:40,691 --> 00:21:41,948 Shh! 518 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,877 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 519 00:21:45,029 --> 00:21:47,430 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org