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Welcome to the matinee of 
love and commercials.

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Hi, I'm your hostess Boobarella,

3
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I hope you'll enjoy our labour 
day marathon of murder

4
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because soon you'll have 
to go back to school.

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School!!!

6
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School? My god I wasted the whole summer.

7
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They're so many things I still want to do.

8
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You think you're behind?

9
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Win baseball game.

10
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Now Simpsons be careful, their kid 
pitcher's mount is really 22.

11
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Son, do you have time for the pizza party?

12
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Sure. Why not?

13
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That's Grease!

14
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Sit on it, Springfield!

15
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Get outta my face, you raggedy maggots!

16
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So that's why everyone's been 
saying that all summer.

17
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No, not yet.

18
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I have to have a summer romance.

19
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I'll never forget you.

20
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Gotta go.

21
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I just had my first kiss.

22
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When you get to third base, 
I'll buy you a beer.

23
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Well, now it's time 
for my summer activity.

24
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You all promised we 
could go to a museum.

25
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I'm so glad you picked the 
museum of natural history, mom.

26
00:04:14,325 --> 00:04:17,110
Well, I'm so glad there's a 
show we women can enjoy.

27
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Weaving? Homer, you're my father.

28
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You're supposed to protect me 
from things like this.

29
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All right. Just this once, you can take 
a drink out of my special water bottle.

30
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what?!

31
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Sorry, loom-wads.

32
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New exhibit's in town.

33
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Weapons!

34
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Bart, it's still history.

35
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Not if I spend the whole time 
running around like this.

36
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Die, weapons, die!

37
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Don't start the exhibit without me!

38
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Look at that line!

39
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Time to do what I do best, 
ruin it for everybody.

40
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Hey, Flanders, thanks for saving our place.

41
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But, wait, wait. Ho...
hold the phone there, Homer.

42
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Dude, I was totally here.

43
00:05:13,196 --> 00:05:15,801
You calling me a liar in front of my kids?

44
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'Cause I'd take a bullet for 
you, man, right in the mouth!

45
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Fine. Take the cut.

46
00:05:22,706 --> 00:05:25,322
Ned Flanders is doling out cuts.

47
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I, for one, wish to partake of said!

48
00:05:29,346 --> 00:05:32,670
Hey, if boner here is gettin' 
cuts, I want 'em, too.

49
00:05:33,187 --> 00:05:33,981
Cuts?

50
00:05:34,118 --> 00:05:36,071
I want cuts!

51
00:05:36,117 --> 00:05:38,600
Disco Stu slides in front of you!

52
00:05:39,228 --> 00:05:40,331
That rhymes.

53
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Tell you what.

54
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If we turn around, it will feel like 
we're at the front of the line!

55
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Oh, no, you don't!

56
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I'm everywhere.

57
00:05:55,526 --> 00:06:01,551
Imax 3-d films presents: 
The nunchuck cool but useless

58
00:06:02,035 --> 00:06:06,180
nunchuck was inventedthousands 
of years ago by a chinese monk.

59
00:06:06,957 --> 00:06:11,233
Artifacts of the time indicate 
that this incident was hilarious.

60
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Wow! This 3-D is amazing!

61
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You can actually feel the vase!

62
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Go ahead, Maggie.

63
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You're allowed to touch the deadly weapons.

64
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It's a mugger!

65
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I'll hand over all my hugs and kisses.

66
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Okay, be cool.

67
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I've got some candy in my purse.

68
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Stop!

69
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Come on, Milhouse.

70
00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:55,040
Do you want to play in the NBA or not?

71
00:06:55,157 --> 00:06:57,693
Bart, my arm's out of its thing.

72
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That means it's working.

73
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Whazzup?

74
00:07:08,737 --> 00:07:10,390
You're leaving already?

75
00:07:10,438 --> 00:07:12,291
We... we haven't even gotten in yet.

76
00:07:12,356 --> 00:07:15,902
Sorry, Flanders, but when you get in, 
you can use my audio tour.

77
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It's narrated by Melanie Griffith.

78
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This room's nice.

79
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Let's go in to the next one.

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This room's nice, too.

81
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this room's nice.

82
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This room's nice, too.

83
00:07:29,426 --> 00:07:30,690
This room's nice, too.

84
00:07:31,108 --> 00:07:32,112
This room's nice.

85
00:07:32,538 --> 00:07:33,571
This room's nice.

86
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This room's nice, too.

87
00:07:37,445 --> 00:07:40,980
Sorry, folks, the weapons exhibit 
is now closed for the day.

88
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Sorry, no yay.

89
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But you can all feel free to 
enjoy the rest of the museum.

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Evolution?

91
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Excuse me.

92
00:08:02,146 --> 00:08:04,472
How can you put up an 
exhibit on the origin of

93
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man and not have one 
mention of the bible?

94
00:08:06,975 --> 00:08:07,620
We do.

95
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What a fool believes...

96
00:08:17,115 --> 00:08:19,681
my most cherished beliefs, a myth?

97
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Daddy, was mommy a monkey?

98
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I can't remember.

99
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No one was ever a monkey!

100
00:08:24,877 --> 00:08:26,920
Everything is what it was and always will be!

101
00:08:26,936 --> 00:08:28,683
God put us here and that's that.

102
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,623
But you said a stork brought me.

103
00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:33,691
That was god disguised as a stork.

104
00:08:33,788 --> 00:08:35,350
Who brings baby storks?

105
00:08:35,356 --> 00:08:37,063
There's no such thing as storks!

106
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It's all god.

107
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Please bless daddy and mommy...

108
00:08:40,506 --> 00:08:42,561
stop praying to that stork!

109
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They're telling people we're 
descended from a pack of apes.

110
00:08:49,455 --> 00:08:51,511
Even though there's nothing 
about it in the bible.

111
00:08:51,626 --> 00:08:54,080
Ned, you've got to take this 
thing with a grain of salt.

112
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I mean, come on.

113
00:08:56,165 --> 00:08:59,731
Tim, this controversy could 
put more meat in the seats.

114
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Well... our membership has been dwindling

115
00:09:02,958 --> 00:09:06,381
since those episcopalians 
put in those vibrating pews.

116
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Evolution is the hot-button issue.

117
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We need to mobilize our flock.

118
00:09:14,116 --> 00:09:16,330
They'll be hanging on your every word.

119
00:09:16,486 --> 00:09:19,042
I'll be a white Al Sharpton.

120
00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:25,870
Why does every church 
meeting end this way?

121
00:09:27,955 --> 00:09:31,791
We want you to teach alternative 
theories to Darwinian evolution.

122
00:09:31,986 --> 00:09:33,931
You mean lamarckian evolution?

123
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,393
No, the Adam and Eve one.

124
00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:38,133
And what if I say no?

125
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:41,943
I believe you leased your Camry 
from christian brothers auto.

126
00:09:42,105 --> 00:09:44,971
No! That was a once-in-a-lifetime APR!

127
00:09:45,005 --> 00:09:47,180
Class, starting today, we will be presenting

128
00:09:47,227 --> 00:09:49,660
an alternative theory on the origin of man.

129
00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:54,151
Creationism?!

130
00:09:54,525 --> 00:09:55,671
But that's not science.

131
00:09:56,187 --> 00:09:56,950
It is now.

132
00:09:57,035 --> 00:09:58,970
Are oceans god's tears?

133
00:10:02,305 --> 00:10:03,500
They sure are.

134
00:10:03,588 --> 00:10:04,663
A-plus.

135
00:10:05,895 --> 00:10:07,841
Now Lisa's the Ralph.

136
00:10:08,927 --> 00:10:12,663
How can you teach the book of 
genesis as a scientific theory?

137
00:10:13,366 --> 00:10:15,573
This helpful video will 
evade all your questions.

138
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,242
Eyes screenward.

139
00:10:23,575 --> 00:10:25,443
Let's say hi to two books.

140
00:10:25,695 --> 00:10:28,811
One, the bible, was written by our lord.

141
00:10:32,235 --> 00:10:34,911
The other, "the origin of species,"

142
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,410
was written by a cowardly 
drunk named charles Darwin.

143
00:10:42,407 --> 00:10:43,562
This is slander.

144
00:10:43,622 --> 00:10:46,358
Darwin was one of the 
greatest minds of all time.

145
00:10:46,468 --> 00:10:49,094
Then why is he making out with satan?

146
00:10:51,908 --> 00:10:55,228
Evolution is widely 
acknowledged as scientific fact.

147
00:10:55,426 --> 00:10:57,760
It's even accepted by 
prominent conservatives

148
00:10:57,817 --> 00:11:00,662
like George will and the 
late pope John Paul.

149
00:11:01,485 --> 00:11:03,081
That's something to think about.

150
00:11:03,127 --> 00:11:04,560
The George will?

151
00:11:04,875 --> 00:11:06,521
Lisa, you've said quite enough.

152
00:11:06,686 --> 00:11:08,940
Children, drown her out with 
whistling and arm flatulence.

153
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,603
All I'm saying is...

154
00:11:24,146 --> 00:11:25,662
What's wrong, sweetie?

155
00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:28,780
They're making us learn 
creation theory in school.

156
00:11:28,997 --> 00:11:32,623
Today we had a test, and 
every answer was "god did it."

157
00:11:33,156 --> 00:11:37,052
Well, I think it's good to 
give both ideas a fair hearing.

158
00:11:37,156 --> 00:11:38,740
Maybe they could learn from each other.

159
00:11:38,787 --> 00:11:41,033
But they're incompatible!

160
00:11:41,108 --> 00:11:45,770
Lisa, lots of times two incompatible 
things can both be true.

161
00:11:45,858 --> 00:11:49,501
My son's a brat, but 
he's a special little guy.

162
00:11:49,646 --> 00:11:53,491
You father says he's at work, but 
there he is jumping on a trampoline.

163
00:11:54,727 --> 00:11:58,812
Mom, you really have to choose 
here between science and belief.

164
00:12:03,847 --> 00:12:06,242
Well, then I choose...

165
00:12:15,916 --> 00:12:19,391
so, according to creationism, 
there were no cavemen.

166
00:12:19,495 --> 00:12:20,391
Good riddance.

167
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,481
Their drawings suck and 
they look like hippies.

168
00:12:22,568 --> 00:12:25,771
Dad, you're not really 
reconsidering evolution, are you?

169
00:12:25,925 --> 00:12:28,713
My mind is always open to new ideas.

170
00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:29,653
Onions?!

171
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:30,680
In the peas?!

172
00:12:30,797 --> 00:12:32,033
What the hell!

173
00:12:36,807 --> 00:12:37,813
It is agreed...

174
00:12:38,046 --> 00:12:40,601
regular people can park 
in handicapped spaces

175
00:12:40,836 --> 00:12:43,070
if they're just running in to buy smokes

176
00:12:43,276 --> 00:12:45,642
or maybe some pop tarts for tomorrow.

177
00:12:45,915 --> 00:12:47,390
The system works.

178
00:12:47,468 --> 00:12:49,642
And if there's no further business,

179
00:12:49,757 --> 00:12:52,951
I hereby declare this meeting...

180
00:12:53,026 --> 00:12:54,570
I have an issue I'd like to raise.

181
00:12:54,646 --> 00:12:56,352
Curse my slow gaveling.

182
00:12:56,386 --> 00:12:59,622
Last week, the unscientific 
theory of creationism

183
00:12:59,698 --> 00:13:03,752
was introduced alongside evolution 
in Springfield public schools.

184
00:13:04,766 --> 00:13:09,022
Now, honestly, the bible's about the 
same age as, the rest of our textbooks.

185
00:13:11,195 --> 00:13:14,572
Evolution and creationism 
cannot coexist, people.

186
00:13:14,726 --> 00:13:17,340
It is time to go back to 
teaching one single truth.

187
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:20,352
Homer's son's sister's right.

188
00:13:23,195 --> 00:13:24,931
Class, the town has spoken.

189
00:13:25,027 --> 00:13:27,641
From now on we're only teaching one theory...

190
00:13:27,666 --> 00:13:28,643
creationism.

191
00:13:28,858 --> 00:13:31,961
Now please hand in your evolution 
books to groundskeeper Willie

192
00:13:32,137 --> 00:13:33,992
while I beat this ominous drum.

193
00:13:42,695 --> 00:13:44,950
There seems to be a note on your locker!

194
00:13:45,106 --> 00:13:46,993
From a secret admirer, perhaps.

195
00:13:47,657 --> 00:13:48,771
Don't make me laugh.

196
00:13:50,405 --> 00:13:52,133
"Dear seekers of truth:

197
00:13:52,377 --> 00:13:55,931
"Meet in the school's single-purpose 
room tomorrow at lunch.

198
00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:59,263
"Rationally yours, L.M.S."

199
00:13:59,576 --> 00:14:00,451
"L.M.S."

200
00:14:00,527 --> 00:14:01,852
Who could it be?

201
00:14:08,337 --> 00:14:09,512
Little Moe Szyslak?

202
00:14:10,405 --> 00:14:11,661
Why does everybody call me that?

203
00:14:11,955 --> 00:14:13,711
Bunch of snot-faced pukebags.

204
00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:24,862
I'm so glad you could all come.

205
00:14:24,915 --> 00:14:29,510
I will be reading to you from the 
original of species by Charles Darwin.

206
00:14:30,505 --> 00:14:32,842
I thought we're gonna light spiders on fire.

207
00:14:33,576 --> 00:14:34,540
We're over here.

208
00:14:39,518 --> 00:14:40,701
You all have a nice day.

209
00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:46,111
"Chapter one: When we compare the individuals

210
00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:47,201
"of the same variety

211
00:14:47,246 --> 00:14:50,793
"or sub-variety of our older 
cultivated plants and animals..."

212
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:53,763
Lisa Simpson, you're under arrest

213
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,230
for the teaching of non-biblical science!

214
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:03,101
There are so many worse crimes. 
Why are you persecuting me?

215
00:15:03,177 --> 00:15:06,751
We only have the manpower to 
enforce the last law passed.

216
00:15:06,808 --> 00:15:08,330
You know, it's not the best system, but...

217
00:15:08,587 --> 00:15:10,592
well, in fact, it's...
it's pretty much the worst.

218
00:15:12,726 --> 00:15:14,272
you live! You die!

219
00:15:14,878 --> 00:15:16,423
You live! You die!

220
00:15:18,135 --> 00:15:20,173
In the old days, we would've 
been all over that.

221
00:15:24,308 --> 00:15:26,662
This is Kent Brockman, reporting 
live from the trial

222
00:15:26,748 --> 00:15:28,530
of god vs. Lisa Simpson.

223
00:15:28,746 --> 00:15:32,340
Defending miss Simpson is aclu-appointed 
liberal, Clarisse Drummond.

224
00:15:32,447 --> 00:15:33,381
I'm from new york!

225
00:15:35,006 --> 00:15:37,192
And prosecuting the case against Lisa

226
00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:40,142
is humble country lawyer Wallace Brady.

227
00:15:40,386 --> 00:15:42,143
As the little chicken said to his mama,

228
00:15:42,346 --> 00:15:43,721
"I just hope I don't 'cluck up.'"

229
00:15:45,395 --> 00:15:48,131
I think it's fair to say 
if that man doesn't win,

230
00:15:48,378 --> 00:15:50,022
I'm resigning from the jury.

231
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:53,182
This is Kent Brockman, juror 
number seven, saying,

232
00:15:53,627 --> 00:15:55,182
"I'll have the roast beef for lunch."

233
00:15:57,256 --> 00:16:01,282
So does this theory of evolution 
necessarily mean that there is no god?

234
00:16:01,435 --> 00:16:02,340
No, of course not.

235
00:16:03,737 --> 00:16:07,481
It just says that god is an 
impotent nothing from nowhere

236
00:16:07,516 --> 00:16:10,113
with less power than the 
undersecretary of agriculture,

237
00:16:10,155 --> 00:16:12,500
who has very little power in our system.

238
00:16:17,195 --> 00:16:19,761
Now, sir, you are a scientist, correct?

239
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:24,003
That's right. I have a phd in 
truthology from christian tech.

240
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:26,880
Move over, Carl.

241
00:16:26,936 --> 00:16:27,822
I got a new hero!

242
00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:29,750
Yeah, this'll last about a day.

243
00:16:30,268 --> 00:16:34,490
So, as a scientist, what is your 
take on this "devil-ution"?

244
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:36,571
Pure hogwash.

245
00:16:36,866 --> 00:16:38,991
If man evolved from monkeys, 
there'd be evidence.

246
00:16:39,117 --> 00:16:42,051
But when we look at the fossil 
record, here's what we see.

247
00:16:42,565 --> 00:16:44,031
A missing link.

248
00:16:47,488 --> 00:16:50,293
Why, I believe, right now, 
this gentleman's having dinner

249
00:16:50,315 --> 00:16:52,083
with the tooth fairy and the easter bunny.

250
00:16:52,425 --> 00:16:55,272
This is the break in the 
case we've been waiting for!

251
00:16:55,505 --> 00:16:56,790
I mean, he doesn't exist.

252
00:16:57,075 --> 00:16:59,110
Evolution is just a lot 
of that hollywood hooey.

253
00:17:03,808 --> 00:17:05,080
Well, I've heard enough for today.

254
00:17:05,477 --> 00:17:07,452
I have to judge a wet t-shirt 
contest in 20 minutes.

255
00:17:07,656 --> 00:17:10,432
Ah, this trial is the biggest load of...

256
00:17:11,088 --> 00:17:12,463
For crying out loud!

257
00:17:12,808 --> 00:17:16,133
Now. Bambi, who started that 
forest fire that killed your mama?

258
00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:17,913
Evolution?!

259
00:17:18,358 --> 00:17:20,093
My, my, my.

260
00:17:20,416 --> 00:17:21,721
Poor bambi.

261
00:17:22,368 --> 00:17:23,663
Poor thumper...

262
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:32,103
I'm sorry, mom.

263
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:34,901
I should have just gone with 
the flow, like you said.

264
00:17:42,826 --> 00:17:45,463
Well, I might as well see 
what all the fuss is about.

265
00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:58,093
Homer, Homer, please.

266
00:17:58,456 --> 00:17:59,913
I love it when you're not into it.

267
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,663
Oh, yeah, baby, mmm...

268
00:18:02,278 --> 00:18:03,141
That's it, ignore me.

269
00:18:03,307 --> 00:18:04,390
I'm not even here.

270
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:09,573
Wow, Darwin's argument 
is incredibly persuasive,

271
00:18:09,747 --> 00:18:13,513
and his ship was the beagle, which 
reminds me of snoopy, my favorite peanut!

272
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:20,283
Lisa, I thinI have a way to 
help you at the trial today.

273
00:18:20,656 --> 00:18:21,242
So do I!

274
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,332
Milhouse will serve the time 
for you while you flee to Mexico.

275
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,800
Your new name: Senorita Ugly.

276
00:18:28,545 --> 00:18:31,591
Honey, I appreciate the thought, 
but just leave everything to me.

277
00:18:32,905 --> 00:18:35,030
You can take off the wig, Mihouse.

278
00:18:35,225 --> 00:18:36,181
I'm Nelson!

279
00:18:46,245 --> 00:18:48,993
Now, Mr. Flanders, you're 
familiar with the bible, correct?

280
00:18:49,287 --> 00:18:51,521
As familiar as it's proper to be.

281
00:18:51,996 --> 00:18:53,053
Don't worry, Lisa.

282
00:18:53,347 --> 00:18:55,901
I've got the answer to 
your problems right here.

283
00:18:57,146 --> 00:18:59,531
Look, Homie, I brought you a beer.

284
00:18:59,685 --> 00:19:00,700
Thanks, Marge.

285
00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:03,710
It's not a twist-off!

286
00:19:05,108 --> 00:19:05,581
Come on!

287
00:19:09,195 --> 00:19:12,373
And you are positive that 
man and ape cannot be related?

288
00:19:12,587 --> 00:19:15,303
As sure as I am that Jesus hates hip-hop!

289
00:19:15,385 --> 00:19:16,733
Come on! Open!

290
00:19:16,885 --> 00:19:18,731
I want what's in you!

291
00:19:21,495 --> 00:19:21,930
As a matter...

292
00:19:21,935 --> 00:19:22,850
I want... you...

293
00:19:22,855 --> 00:19:23,352
Homer...

294
00:19:23,356 --> 00:19:23,721
stupid...

295
00:19:25,438 --> 00:19:26,261
Homer, I'm trying to...

296
00:19:29,947 --> 00:19:32,563
will you shut your yap, you 
big monkey-faced gorilla!

297
00:19:34,066 --> 00:19:36,351
Mr. Flanders, you've sworn 
to tell the truth.

298
00:19:36,638 --> 00:19:39,842
Can you say that this man could not 
possibly be related to that ape?

299
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:43,781
You win, Lisa.

300
00:19:44,388 --> 00:19:46,110
This court hereby rules that the law

301
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,771
forbidding the teaching 
of evolution is repealed.

302
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:53,231
Wait, it was a twist-off.

303
00:19:55,826 --> 00:19:56,791
Thanks, mom.

304
00:19:57,186 --> 00:19:59,832
Thank you, honey, for opening my eyes.

305
00:20:00,088 --> 00:20:02,762
I can't wait to see what 
evolution will make next.

306
00:20:02,956 --> 00:20:06,710
Maybe a bird with a people 
face or a bear with pants on!

307
00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,271
Let's go, boys.

308
00:20:08,427 --> 00:20:10,163
Your poor old popsicle's been licked.

309
00:20:10,207 --> 00:20:11,371
Mr. Flanders, wait!

310
00:20:12,185 --> 00:20:14,611
I want you to know, 
I respect your beliefs,

311
00:20:14,666 --> 00:20:16,722
and I can see how deeply you feel about them.

312
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:19,631
I just don't think religion 
should be taught in our schools,

313
00:20:19,728 --> 00:20:22,870
any more than you'd want 
scientist teaching at the church.

314
00:20:23,365 --> 00:20:26,072
Well, i wish this world 
would evolve a few more

315
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:27,250
kids like you, Lisa.

316
00:20:27,665 --> 00:20:32,021
What say we take our worthy 
adversary out for a hot fudge fun-day?

317
00:20:32,337 --> 00:20:33,711
Cram it, ya god wad.

318
00:20:33,885 --> 00:20:34,741
You... whaa...?

319
00:20:35,995 --> 00:20:38,741
transcript: scarfo
synchro: Ale, Marcel & Job22

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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