1 00:00:02,728 --> 00:00:04,378 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:09,633 (wind hissing) 3 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,559 (indistinct chatter) 4 00:00:19,762 --> 00:00:22,354 Shut up! It's starting! 5 00:00:22,506 --> 00:00:23,838 The Springfield Atoms have earned 6 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,249 the number-one pick in this year's draft, 7 00:00:25,267 --> 00:00:29,153 after intentionally losing every game last season. 8 00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:32,105 Nobody tanks like Springfield-- 9 00:00:32,258 --> 00:00:34,199 City of Intentional Losers. 10 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,201 (chanting): Tank! Tank! Tank! 11 00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:38,019 -And with the first pick -(crowd booing) 12 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:41,114 of the draft, the Springfield Atoms select... 13 00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:42,966 Grayson Mathers. 14 00:00:43,026 --> 00:00:44,543 (cheering) 15 00:00:44,694 --> 00:00:45,952 All right! 16 00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:48,772 HOMER: Yeah! All right! 17 00:00:48,791 --> 00:00:50,698 (whoops) 18 00:00:50,867 --> 00:00:53,886 We have witnessed the most beautiful birth in the world-- 19 00:00:54,113 --> 00:00:56,296 that of a football dynasty. 20 00:00:56,390 --> 00:01:00,392 Let's show Philadelphia what a real victory riot looks like! 21 00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:03,395 (clamoring) 22 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,791 (grunts) 23 00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:10,294 (clamoring continues) 24 00:01:10,312 --> 00:01:12,554 What a needless tragedy. 25 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,981 You say our corporate revenue is down? 26 00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:17,651 Well, the losses are all coming from one division-- 27 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:18,911 your liquor company. 28 00:01:19,062 --> 00:01:20,487 Sales of Mr. Gentleman Brandy 29 00:01:20,639 --> 00:01:23,082 have reached zero and are only projected to go down. 30 00:01:23,309 --> 00:01:24,249 Impossible. 31 00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:26,234 Mr. Gentleman is sipped by every trustee 32 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,403 of the Narragansett Whale Oil Concern. 33 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,905 Well, maybe the problem is the ad campaign. 34 00:01:31,074 --> 00:01:32,407 It's encouraging consuming 35 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,510 as little of the liquor as possible. 36 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,913 Ah. That'll hold me for quite a while. 37 00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:40,248 So, I brought in a branding expert 38 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,618 to reimagine Mr. Gentleman. 39 00:01:42,678 --> 00:01:44,010 These days, 40 00:01:44,163 --> 00:01:45,920 which in the branding business is called "the present," 41 00:01:46,014 --> 00:01:48,089 the only liquor brands people care about 42 00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:50,109 are endorsed by big celebrities. 43 00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:52,111 People think, "If I buy this tequila, 44 00:01:52,338 --> 00:01:54,354 then I'm as fun as George Clooney." 45 00:01:54,506 --> 00:01:56,931 Or, "I need to be more smug and unbearable. 46 00:01:57,025 --> 00:01:59,434 (gasps) Hey, Ryan Reynolds has a gin." 47 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:02,770 So we find the perfect celebrity to represent my brandy. 48 00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:03,956 But who? 49 00:02:04,183 --> 00:02:05,773 What about Harrison Ford? 50 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,701 -Too Hollywood. -Dolly Parton? 51 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,460 Too Dollywood. 52 00:02:08,687 --> 00:02:09,777 With that, we end the list 53 00:02:09,872 --> 00:02:12,113 of every celebrity who does not already have 54 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,540 an existing liquor company. 55 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,877 So what we need is a brand-new celebrity, 56 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,971 one adored by the common man. 57 00:02:19,122 --> 00:02:20,973 CROWD: (chanting): Grayson Mathers! 58 00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:24,459 Grayson Mathers! Grayson Mathers! 59 00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:25,960 -(snaps fingers) -REPORTER: Grayson! 60 00:02:26,054 --> 00:02:27,204 Grayson, some have dubbed you 61 00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,389 "The Savior of Springfield Football". 62 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,875 Isn't that a lot of pressure for a rookie? 63 00:02:31,968 --> 00:02:33,059 I do me. 64 00:02:33,212 --> 00:02:35,637 If you don't like it, that's on you. 65 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:36,880 Mm-hmm. 66 00:02:36,899 --> 00:02:38,306 REPORTER 2: Grayson, some people are put off 67 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:39,883 by your tell-it-like-it-is attitude. 68 00:02:39,902 --> 00:02:40,975 What do you say to them? 69 00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:42,143 I'm an open book, 70 00:02:42,312 --> 00:02:43,978 but the media and haters 71 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,980 and people who have never played the game, 72 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,001 I carry myself with a certain confidence, 73 00:02:49,152 --> 00:02:51,319 and I don't apologize for your perception 74 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,564 of statements I did not make, but stand by. 75 00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:56,583 Truth bomb. 76 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,177 I sleep at night. 77 00:02:58,328 --> 00:02:59,903 REPORTER 2: What did you just say? 78 00:02:59,922 --> 00:03:01,588 I do me. 79 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:02,830 (reporters clamoring) 80 00:03:02,925 --> 00:03:05,517 Man, that dude keeps it so real. 81 00:03:05,669 --> 00:03:06,927 He's all, "This is me. 82 00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,079 I don't apologize. What up, haters?" 83 00:03:09,081 --> 00:03:11,172 He does him. 84 00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:13,841 I wish I was half as myself as he is. 85 00:03:14,844 --> 00:03:17,921 They adore this pigskin-tossing football thrower. 86 00:03:17,923 --> 00:03:19,606 He's brash, outspoken, 87 00:03:19,758 --> 00:03:21,591 willfully uninformed. 88 00:03:21,685 --> 00:03:23,017 He has no filter. 89 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,779 In our sanitized, clickbait-ready, 90 00:03:25,931 --> 00:03:26,947 media-driven world, 91 00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:29,599 what people crave is authenticity. 92 00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:31,877 If you don't believe me, look at the metrics. 93 00:03:32,028 --> 00:03:33,119 Now you believe me. 94 00:03:33,272 --> 00:03:35,772 Why didn't you mention any of this before? 95 00:03:35,865 --> 00:03:38,700 I don't know. 96 00:03:38,794 --> 00:03:42,128 This bad boy must be the new face of my brandy company. 97 00:03:42,281 --> 00:03:43,889 Smithers, hire him at once. 98 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,350 And get rid of this. 99 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,877 But my metrics! 100 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,230 (thud) 101 00:03:55,627 --> 00:03:58,386 GRAYSON: I got no problem being me. 102 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,887 Opinions exist. 103 00:03:59,982 --> 00:04:01,240 Think about it. 104 00:04:01,391 --> 00:04:04,076 Do you seriously doubt I know what I'm like? 105 00:04:04,227 --> 00:04:06,060 And when it comes to brandy, 106 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,579 go ahead and sip. 107 00:04:07,731 --> 00:04:08,580 Me? 108 00:04:08,732 --> 00:04:10,332 I'll chug. 109 00:04:11,493 --> 00:04:12,809 I do me. 110 00:04:12,828 --> 00:04:14,419 You do you... 111 00:04:14,571 --> 00:04:16,171 my way. 112 00:04:17,316 --> 00:04:18,906 Congratulations, my boy. 113 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:22,427 You are the face of America's most marked-up trash liquor. 114 00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:24,671 There's one thing that's unique about me-- 115 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,932 I've always admired rich people. 116 00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:29,826 And now I'm getting paid by one. 117 00:04:29,919 --> 00:04:30,936 That's on you. 118 00:04:31,163 --> 00:04:33,272 Aw, come on, Burnsy. 119 00:04:33,423 --> 00:04:34,940 Bring it in. 120 00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:37,425 Yeah. I got you, bro. 121 00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:39,444 ♪ ♪ 122 00:04:39,671 --> 00:04:43,448 So this is what it feels like to be brought in. 123 00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:49,437 Cheers! 124 00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:52,124 To the money that comes from business. 125 00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:55,035 To friendship hugs. 126 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,870 (sighs) Well, 127 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,188 first game of the season tomorrow, 128 00:04:58,206 --> 00:04:59,447 so I'd better hit the Hay. 129 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,999 That's the name of the club I'm going to. 130 00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:02,283 Then I'm gonna hit the Sack. 131 00:05:02,377 --> 00:05:04,428 That's where the after-party is. 132 00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:11,051 There he is, kids. 133 00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:13,478 The QB who will one day take us to the Super Bowl, 134 00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:15,705 own several local car dealerships 135 00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:18,875 and host a middling Saturday Night Live. 136 00:05:18,894 --> 00:05:21,486 MARGE: Oh, look at that baby face. 137 00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:24,114 I hope there's no tackling today. 138 00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:28,476 BART: Babyface looks a little hungover, Mom. 139 00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:30,220 LISA: Geez. He's kind of got 140 00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:33,815 that "Dad asleep in his car outside Moe's" look going. 141 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,667 The icy stare of a born winner? 142 00:05:35,819 --> 00:05:37,836 Yes. That one. 143 00:05:39,064 --> 00:05:42,232 And so begins a new era in Atoms football. 144 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,176 The golden child's mighty arm 145 00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:47,754 shall spiral a grim warning to all who would oppose him. 146 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,906 Hut, hut! Hike! 147 00:05:49,925 --> 00:05:51,016 (grunts) 148 00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:52,909 (grunting, panting) 149 00:05:52,928 --> 00:05:54,928 (groaning) 150 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,671 Oh, God. 151 00:05:56,765 --> 00:05:57,931 (booing) 152 00:05:58,083 --> 00:06:00,400 -Get off the field! -Boo! -You suck! 153 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,010 Oh, my God. 154 00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:06,681 The 22-year-old I bet all my happiness on 155 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,259 is nothing but a bust! 156 00:06:09,277 --> 00:06:11,261 Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! 157 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:13,372 But you were just cheering for him. 158 00:06:13,523 --> 00:06:15,022 You've been talking about how great he is 159 00:06:15,117 --> 00:06:16,524 every day for months. 160 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,192 But he's sucking. 161 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,694 It's the second-best thing he could do 162 00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:21,380 next to playing great. 163 00:06:21,607 --> 00:06:22,288 (booing) 164 00:06:22,441 --> 00:06:24,941 How dare they jeer that boy? 165 00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:27,110 He's like the arrogant, out-of-control son 166 00:06:27,129 --> 00:06:29,779 I never sent to boarding school and forgot about. 167 00:06:29,798 --> 00:06:32,966 ANNOUNCER: And Grayson Mathers has just been benched. 168 00:06:33,118 --> 00:06:36,395 And here comes the Haterade. 169 00:06:36,622 --> 00:06:37,787 Aah! 170 00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:39,639 (booing) 171 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,958 Boo an angel, why don't you? 172 00:06:41,977 --> 00:06:44,628 Thunder-stick him! 173 00:06:44,646 --> 00:06:45,695 (grunting) 174 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:48,448 (booing) 175 00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:56,248 There are far worse things to be buried under. 176 00:06:56,399 --> 00:07:00,127 Launch the souvenir loaded nachos! 177 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,321 Ah. Nothing like a nice body-temperature bath. 178 00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:13,080 I've never been booed before. 179 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,158 Not even when I trolled the Florida State fans 180 00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:16,826 by dancing on their coach. 181 00:07:16,845 --> 00:07:19,679 Am I, like, a loser now? 182 00:07:19,831 --> 00:07:21,665 If I am a loser, 183 00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,591 then maybe I shouldn't be... 184 00:07:23,685 --> 00:07:24,834 doing me. 185 00:07:24,928 --> 00:07:25,852 Pish posh. 186 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,612 Doing you is what you do best. 187 00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:28,855 And I'll prove it, 188 00:07:29,007 --> 00:07:31,491 by putting you in front of an adoring crowd. 189 00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:34,936 Captain Underpants here! 190 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,103 Wimpy Kid! 191 00:07:36,198 --> 00:07:37,789 I got Narnia! 192 00:07:38,049 --> 00:07:39,791 Goosebumps here! 193 00:07:39,943 --> 00:07:43,611 Our guest has achieved great things in life by hard work 194 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,112 and being six-foot-four. 195 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,948 Please welcome Grayson Mathers. 196 00:07:47,042 --> 00:07:49,217 (cheering) 197 00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:52,862 Your principal brought me here to tell you 198 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:54,714 that school is important. 199 00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,216 But I got to keep it real. 200 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:59,385 This is the first time I've ever been in a school, 201 00:07:59,538 --> 00:08:02,872 and I own three identical Ferraris! 202 00:08:02,966 --> 00:08:04,708 That's wassup! 203 00:08:04,726 --> 00:08:06,693 (cheering) 204 00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:09,321 I have a question. 205 00:08:09,472 --> 00:08:10,714 You suck! 206 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,975 You're garbage outside the pocket! 207 00:08:14,069 --> 00:08:16,161 Your average depth of target is a joke. 208 00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:17,737 (chanting): Bust! Bust! Bust! 209 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,557 The children are destroying him with their hot takes! 210 00:08:20,650 --> 00:08:22,650 Bust! Bust! Bust! 211 00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:24,002 Shut up, you stupid kids! 212 00:08:24,153 --> 00:08:26,171 I'm a man! A football man! 213 00:08:26,398 --> 00:08:28,006 All I throw is dimes! 214 00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:29,249 Here's a dime for you! 215 00:08:29,401 --> 00:08:31,176 -A dime for you! -(kids exclaiming) 216 00:08:31,327 --> 00:08:32,569 Nothin' but dimes! 217 00:08:32,662 --> 00:08:33,637 Boom! Dime! 218 00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:35,847 Boom! Dime! 219 00:08:35,999 --> 00:08:37,423 -Oh! -(hissing) 220 00:08:37,576 --> 00:08:40,760 The Madagascar hissing cockroaches are loose! 221 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,746 (kids screaming) 222 00:08:42,764 --> 00:08:45,431 ♪ ♪ 223 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:46,841 (groans) 224 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,676 All I drink is brandy! 225 00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:52,346 My urethra is on fire! 226 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,940 (groans) 227 00:08:54,943 --> 00:08:57,443 I heard what you said about your urethra. 228 00:08:57,596 --> 00:08:59,262 Are you feeling okay? 229 00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:00,930 I'm fine. Beat it, media. 230 00:09:00,949 --> 00:09:02,207 You listen here, young man. 231 00:09:02,358 --> 00:09:04,525 Just because you're embarrassed by your own behavior 232 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,360 is no reason to lash out at me. 233 00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:09,105 I'm the one person in town who feels sorry for you, 234 00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:10,865 and even I've about had it. 235 00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:12,700 Now apologize. 236 00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:13,868 I'm sorry. 237 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,703 Um... ma'am. 238 00:09:15,797 --> 00:09:18,372 Good. Now, tell me what's wrong. 239 00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:19,558 I mean, it doesn't make sense. 240 00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:21,709 I can't stop partying. I barely sleep. 241 00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:23,787 I called Peyton Manning a chicken-fried Frankenstein 242 00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:24,954 on Twitter. 243 00:09:24,973 --> 00:09:26,639 I-I'm doing me more than ever. 244 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,507 So why don't I play good? 245 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,717 Oh, sweetie. 246 00:09:29,811 --> 00:09:32,720 It sounds like you just need to slow down. 247 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,147 (sighs) 248 00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:37,058 I actually have six identical Ferraris. 249 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,652 I want to own all the blue ones. 250 00:09:39,821 --> 00:09:41,496 (crying) 251 00:09:42,398 --> 00:09:43,990 I know what's wrong with you. 252 00:09:44,142 --> 00:09:45,992 Not enough Ferraris. 253 00:09:46,144 --> 00:09:48,812 What this boy needs is a home-cooked meal 254 00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:50,814 and a good night's sleep. 255 00:09:50,832 --> 00:09:52,073 At my house. 256 00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:54,909 A partnership betwixt a man and a woman 257 00:09:54,986 --> 00:09:57,411 to provide for the care of a young person. 258 00:09:57,505 --> 00:09:59,505 You supply the nurturing home life, 259 00:09:59,658 --> 00:10:01,433 and I'll be the emotionally-withholding 260 00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:03,660 yet somehow worshipped father figure. 261 00:10:03,678 --> 00:10:05,829 It's a deal. 262 00:10:05,847 --> 00:10:07,664 You're coming home with me. 263 00:10:07,757 --> 00:10:08,681 I really want to, 264 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,108 but I'm kind of supposed to get into it 265 00:10:10,259 --> 00:10:12,518 with some hockey players outside a strip club later. 266 00:10:12,671 --> 00:10:15,447 I'll call them and tell them you're sick. 267 00:10:17,843 --> 00:10:20,026 Yo. Two parents and some kids? 268 00:10:20,178 --> 00:10:22,287 This is a straight-up family. 269 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:23,529 For real. 270 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,457 I guess we are. 271 00:10:25,684 --> 00:10:28,943 So, Grayson, you just graduated from college, right? 272 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,629 What did you major in? 273 00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,038 Oh, they never told me. 274 00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:35,041 (sighs) That means communications. 275 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,543 You see, I grew up on the Florida-Texas border, 276 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,379 where football is king. 277 00:10:39,531 --> 00:10:42,289 One day, I saw this other baby crawling a post pattern, 278 00:10:42,384 --> 00:10:43,883 and I hit him with my pacifier. 279 00:10:44,035 --> 00:10:46,293 Perfect spiral. 20 yards. 280 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,554 My folks did what any loving parents would do-- 281 00:10:48,707 --> 00:10:50,815 they packed me off to football academy. 282 00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:52,375 I'm real grateful. 283 00:10:52,394 --> 00:10:54,727 If you keep a kid at home till he's two, 284 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,379 it can screw up his development. 285 00:10:57,382 --> 00:10:59,140 Growing up in an all-football environment 286 00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:02,385 helped me avoid the distractions that come with being a kid-- 287 00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:04,979 friends, laughing, that junk. 288 00:11:05,073 --> 00:11:07,999 For college, Alabama Tech was an easy choice. 289 00:11:08,076 --> 00:11:10,059 Coach is an amazing recruiter. 290 00:11:10,078 --> 00:11:11,986 You really feel his passion. 291 00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:15,156 Wait, so you never see your parents? 292 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:16,916 Oh, I see them all the time! 293 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:17,917 I see them at games, 294 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,585 in documentaries about me, 295 00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:20,753 in the Campbell's Soup commercial 296 00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,922 my mom did without my knowledge. 297 00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:24,498 Oh, Grayson, 298 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,500 growing up with nothing but football 299 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,244 can't have been healthy. 300 00:11:28,263 --> 00:11:30,430 (chuckles) No, no, I'm good. 301 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,190 Gimme that back! 302 00:11:32,417 --> 00:11:33,933 Starters eat before scrubs! 303 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,843 Everybody knows that! 304 00:11:35,937 --> 00:11:38,679 (grunting) 305 00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:39,605 (yells) 306 00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,282 (panting) 307 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,945 You know, I'm beginning to see the appeal of football. 308 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,097 (chuckles) Hit him again! 309 00:11:48,191 --> 00:11:49,624 Kids, behave! 310 00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:54,771 In a family, we do not steal food. 311 00:11:54,864 --> 00:11:56,105 -But... -No buts. 312 00:11:56,124 --> 00:11:57,623 Just because there aren't coaches and minders 313 00:11:57,776 --> 00:12:01,202 watching your every move doesn't mean you can act selfishly. 314 00:12:01,296 --> 00:12:04,447 In a family, you don't do you. 315 00:12:04,466 --> 00:12:05,539 You do... 316 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,540 others? 317 00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:07,967 And don't you forget it. 318 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,395 Now, boys, clear the table. 319 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:13,306 Bust. Bust. Bust. 320 00:12:14,309 --> 00:12:16,568 You sure the rookie doesn't mind sharing? 321 00:12:16,795 --> 00:12:18,644 Maggie loves company. 322 00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,387 Um, Mrs. Marge, 323 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,981 do-do you think it'd be all right 324 00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:23,649 if I stayed here for a while? 325 00:12:23,802 --> 00:12:26,636 I've never been around a real family before. 326 00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:28,896 Of course you can. 327 00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:30,248 You sure? I'm a lot of work. 328 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,809 I need 9,000 calories a day or I'll die. 329 00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:35,462 So does my husband, silly. 330 00:12:44,322 --> 00:12:46,264 ♪ ♪ 331 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,454 Wow! 332 00:13:09,681 --> 00:13:11,939 I've never seen such a tiny megachurch. 333 00:13:12,017 --> 00:13:14,626 It's a normal-sized regular church, Grayson. 334 00:13:15,687 --> 00:13:18,855 Hey, here's a little fuel for your private jet, Reverend. 335 00:13:19,782 --> 00:13:23,635 When did the faces on the paper money get so big? 336 00:13:23,711 --> 00:13:26,954 ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪ 337 00:13:27,123 --> 00:13:28,122 (chuckles) Wow. 338 00:13:28,216 --> 00:13:29,882 My first birthday party. 339 00:13:30,093 --> 00:13:32,035 I made you a card. 340 00:13:32,128 --> 00:13:35,054 HOMER: We're all playing catch. 341 00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:36,706 You've all given me so much. 342 00:13:36,799 --> 00:13:37,982 I have a family now. 343 00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:40,543 A family that's shown me I don't have to be selfish 344 00:13:40,562 --> 00:13:41,377 to be a success. 345 00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:42,353 Huddle up, team. 346 00:13:42,505 --> 00:13:44,213 Feelings on three! One, two, three! 347 00:13:44,232 --> 00:13:45,156 ALL: Feelings! 348 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:47,233 (singsongy): Who wants presents? 349 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,568 -I do! I do! -GRAYSON: Ooh, ooh, I do! 350 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:49,810 -I do! I do! -Merch! 351 00:13:49,904 --> 00:13:51,812 (chuckles) Try this on, big fella. 352 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:53,723 (slurping) 353 00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,500 Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns! 354 00:13:55,651 --> 00:13:57,076 I'm so glad you came! 355 00:13:57,228 --> 00:13:59,412 Now it's a party, huh, guys? 356 00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:00,988 Oh, I would never miss the birthday 357 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,066 of football's brashest bad boy. 358 00:14:03,084 --> 00:14:04,250 Now let's head out. 359 00:14:04,402 --> 00:14:07,328 You and I are having a night on the town. 360 00:14:07,422 --> 00:14:10,014 It's time to party with Brandyman! 361 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:13,409 Or Do-You-Man? I'm... Can we decide on a catchphrase? 362 00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:15,520 Catchphrase TBD! 363 00:14:15,597 --> 00:14:16,688 Are you nuts? 364 00:14:16,839 --> 00:14:18,264 You do realize that Grayson has 365 00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:21,192 a career-defining football game tomorrow. 366 00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:24,362 He's gonna go to bed early after a nice hot bath. 367 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:27,848 You can try out the Silly Soap I bought. Huh? 368 00:14:27,942 --> 00:14:29,092 All right! 369 00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:30,851 This man plays a game for a living 370 00:14:30,945 --> 00:14:33,262 and you infantilize him? 371 00:14:33,431 --> 00:14:37,450 Fine, but your mollycoddling will have dire consequences. 372 00:14:37,602 --> 00:14:39,452 Mark my words. 373 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:43,214 -ANNOUNCER: Mathers with his fourth touchdown of the day! -(cheering) 374 00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:45,532 And in a never-before-seen move, 375 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,127 the opposing defense is resigning en masse 376 00:14:48,279 --> 00:14:50,780 to try their luck in the Canadian Football League. 377 00:14:50,798 --> 00:14:52,223 Good luck, fellas. 378 00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:56,060 There he is! The man I never thought was a bust for a second! 379 00:14:56,246 --> 00:14:58,121 A 53-point win. 380 00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,456 Bet you can't wait to say something really arrogant. 381 00:15:00,475 --> 00:15:02,458 Just lucky to have great teammates, 382 00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:03,793 what a game plan, 383 00:15:03,811 --> 00:15:06,387 keep my head down and work. 384 00:15:06,481 --> 00:15:10,617 But also the greats who paved the way in this league. 385 00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,970 Where's my bad boy? 386 00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:16,155 Come on, son. Be a sore winner. 387 00:15:16,307 --> 00:15:17,974 Make Daddy proud. 388 00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:20,084 Maybe you could call the other team soft? 389 00:15:20,311 --> 00:15:22,569 I mean, it's just us reporters here. No one will know. 390 00:15:22,664 --> 00:15:25,148 No, sir. I'm just trying to be the kind of guy 391 00:15:25,316 --> 00:15:27,074 who makes a mother proud. 392 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,876 Are you saying... 393 00:15:28,987 --> 00:15:30,486 you're a mama's boy? 394 00:15:30,579 --> 00:15:33,389 I'm the biggest mama's boy on the planet! 395 00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:36,917 Mmm. Tastes good. 396 00:15:37,053 --> 00:15:39,562 Marge Simpson, what have you done? 397 00:15:46,187 --> 00:15:48,112 You've ruined our beautiful, arrogant boy! 398 00:15:48,339 --> 00:15:51,098 Ruined? He's happy now. 399 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,766 What's wrong, guys? Why are you fighting? 400 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:55,845 Oh, this woman's got you as twisted as a Cossack's mustache. 401 00:15:55,863 --> 00:15:59,348 What happened to the bad boy I raised up from recent adulthood? 402 00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:01,275 Don't listen to him, Grayson. 403 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,963 I'm so sorry I ruined your spokesperson. 404 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,023 He's not just my spokesperson. 405 00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,357 He's my spokes-son. 406 00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:10,376 And you stole him from me. 407 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,196 You're so merged with your own selfishness, 408 00:16:13,214 --> 00:16:16,623 you don't even identify it as selfishness anymore. 409 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,791 You're a monster! 410 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,310 And you're winning! 411 00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:20,720 (grunts) 412 00:16:20,888 --> 00:16:22,963 You've got to choose, my boy. 413 00:16:23,057 --> 00:16:24,707 Me or her. 414 00:16:24,726 --> 00:16:27,986 Can't you see you're tearing me apart?! (sobs) 415 00:16:28,137 --> 00:16:30,062 I need to grind tape of blitz protections 416 00:16:30,215 --> 00:16:32,657 against an eight-man box! 417 00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:35,660 (crying) 418 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:51,009 (sighs) I haven't heard from Grayson in days. 419 00:16:51,236 --> 00:16:54,512 Neither has the NFL Network, ESPN or Adam Schefter. 420 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,572 The football world hangs in the balance, 421 00:16:56,591 --> 00:16:58,182 waiting for this rookie phenom quarterback 422 00:16:58,334 --> 00:17:00,667 to choose between his surrogate parents. 423 00:17:00,762 --> 00:17:04,747 My sources tell me that Mathers hasn't gone back to Mr. Burns 424 00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:07,250 and that Marge has just this second finished folding 425 00:17:07,268 --> 00:17:09,935 the sheets Grayson may never sleep on again. 426 00:17:10,088 --> 00:17:11,738 What sources? 427 00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:17,851 What if I never see my special big football boy again? 428 00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:21,706 Mom, a fancy invitation came for you. 429 00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:23,449 (gasps) Grayson sent me a ticket 430 00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:26,711 for the Sports Channel's annual awards show. 431 00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:28,954 You're going to the Sportswardsies? 432 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,107 That's the one night when pro athletes 433 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,459 finally get to thank their agents. 434 00:17:33,611 --> 00:17:36,036 And Grayson picked me as his plus-one, 435 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,630 not Mr. Burns. 436 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,948 You won! 437 00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:40,892 Motherhood won! 438 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,894 Yippee! 439 00:17:43,121 --> 00:17:44,228 -(wheezes) -(gasps) 440 00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:46,305 LISA (wheezing): All good, all good. 441 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,025 ♪ ♪ 442 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,814 -You! -You! 443 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:58,301 Wait, I'm supposed to be sitting next to Grayson. 444 00:17:58,394 --> 00:18:01,061 So am I. (scoffs) I know what's happening here. 445 00:18:01,155 --> 00:18:03,322 Obviously, our boy sat us together thinking 446 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,917 we would reach some sort of rapprochement. 447 00:18:06,144 --> 00:18:07,977 He Parent Trapped us! 448 00:18:07,995 --> 00:18:09,087 Too bad for him-- 449 00:18:09,238 --> 00:18:11,405 we're never gonna see eye to eye. 450 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,423 Amen, sister. 451 00:18:12,575 --> 00:18:16,094 A toast to never-ending animosity. 452 00:18:16,988 --> 00:18:18,579 I'll drink to that. 453 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,414 Enemies forever. 454 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,266 Mm. Ah. 455 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,918 The Sportswardsies are starting. 456 00:18:25,012 --> 00:18:27,012 Kids, have you filled out your betting sheets? 457 00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:29,273 Look at these categories. 458 00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:30,516 Worst Contract? 459 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,834 Best World Series? 460 00:18:31,927 --> 00:18:33,836 The Donald Sterling Appalling Owner 461 00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:36,005 Lifetime Achievement Award? 462 00:18:36,023 --> 00:18:38,174 James Dolan, James Dolan, James Dolan. 463 00:18:38,343 --> 00:18:41,268 For me, it's all about Best Stretcher Ride Thumbs-Up. 464 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,679 Most of all, I'd like to thank Gordo, 465 00:18:43,698 --> 00:18:46,198 who I pay six figures to carry my trophies. 466 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,459 Gordo, this is for you, buddy. 467 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,355 ANNOUNCER: When we come back, the Sportswardsy 468 00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:54,465 for Most Inspiring Athlete. 469 00:18:54,617 --> 00:18:57,042 MARGE: Oh, he's looking at the wrong camera. 470 00:18:57,195 --> 00:18:59,378 He's such a cutie. 471 00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:02,623 How could two people like us, with all our flaws, 472 00:19:02,833 --> 00:19:04,791 make this perfect creature? 473 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,552 (sighs) I'm a terrible father. 474 00:19:06,704 --> 00:19:09,814 I should have raised him to be a man, not a brand. 475 00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:13,042 Ah. Let's promise we'll do better, Monty. 476 00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:14,468 Together. 477 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:18,322 The winner for Most Inspiring Athlete is... 478 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,973 Grayson Mathers. 479 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,066 -♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause) 480 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,978 You all know I've had some personal struggles lately. 481 00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:28,482 I was losing the football game of emotions. 482 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,002 But there's one person who got me through it. 483 00:19:31,153 --> 00:19:32,503 He's talking about you. 484 00:19:32,655 --> 00:19:33,896 You're the nurturer. 485 00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:36,007 But you're his inspiration. 486 00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:37,758 It's got to be you. 487 00:19:38,753 --> 00:19:39,752 (groans) 488 00:19:39,921 --> 00:19:41,070 And that person is... 489 00:19:41,088 --> 00:19:44,924 -my fiancée Kaitlyn! -(all gasp) 490 00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,410 The three days I've known her have seemed like a lifetime. 491 00:19:47,428 --> 00:19:50,079 An Instagram model, a YouTube reactor 492 00:19:50,172 --> 00:19:52,172 and the creator of Yoga Yogurt, 493 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,433 the faith-based yogurt you eat while yoga-ing. 494 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,344 Kaitlyn is so much more than a business manager to me. 495 00:19:57,438 --> 00:20:00,089 Though she's that, too! As of this morning! 496 00:20:00,182 --> 00:20:02,867 Hope you can handle total financial control, baby! 497 00:20:03,094 --> 00:20:04,260 Good news, babe! 498 00:20:04,353 --> 00:20:05,778 You're fighting Floyd Mayweather 499 00:20:05,930 --> 00:20:07,930 on a Valentine's Day pay-per-view! 500 00:20:07,949 --> 00:20:09,432 (whoops) 501 00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:11,100 She's getting me out of the brandy business, 502 00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:13,285 into something more wholesome, y'all: 503 00:20:13,438 --> 00:20:16,380 our new line of all-ages hard seltzers. 504 00:20:16,499 --> 00:20:18,216 @Katilicious_97, 505 00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,033 I can't wait to marry you. 506 00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:21,610 Tell me there's a prenup. 507 00:20:21,629 --> 00:20:22,611 No prenup! 508 00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:24,280 That's how I roll! 509 00:20:24,298 --> 00:20:26,206 Who wants some seltzers? 510 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,374 Dime for you! 511 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,969 And just like that, we've been replaced. 512 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,921 One day, they're these sweet, innocent creatures 513 00:20:32,923 --> 00:20:34,974 who are totally reliant on you. 514 00:20:35,126 --> 00:20:37,476 Then, suddenly, it's two weeks later 515 00:20:37,628 --> 00:20:39,612 and they're gone. 516 00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:54,252 ANNOUNCER: When we return, find out who takes home the Sportswardsy 517 00:20:54,328 --> 00:20:55,978 for Best Press Conference Meltdown 518 00:20:55,997 --> 00:20:57,162 and Most Valuable MVP. 519 00:20:57,315 --> 00:20:59,239 Plus, Cirque du Soleil will reimagine 520 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,241 this year's Most Flagrant Fouls. 521 00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,502 Later, it's Least Racist Team Name 522 00:21:03,654 --> 00:21:05,671 and Coldest Bud Light, 523 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,172 brought to you by Bud Light. 524 00:21:07,325 --> 00:21:09,100 And don't miss Kenny Chesney and his musical tribute 525 00:21:09,251 --> 00:21:12,436 to the 100 all-time worst-run vanity charities. 526 00:21:12,663 --> 00:21:15,106 Then, find out which baseball player will take home 527 00:21:15,257 --> 00:21:17,090 Highest Batting Average. 528 00:21:17,184 --> 00:21:19,168 And five living legends battle it out 529 00:21:19,261 --> 00:21:21,353 for the Most Tone-Deaf Hall of Fame Speech. 530 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,688 And lots more. 531 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,191 All that when the Sportswardsies continue. 532 00:21:26,344 --> 00:21:29,178 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 533 00:21:29,196 --> 00:21:32,181 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 534 00:21:32,199 --> 00:21:35,126 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 535 00:21:35,277 --> 00:21:38,379 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 536 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,492 Shh!