1
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The Simpsons.

2
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Oh, Doctor, I'm crazy!

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Welcome back to
America's favorite game show...

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Me Wantee!

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And here's
that question-asking guy...

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Virgil Sinclair!

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- All right, Moe Szyslak...
- Yes, Virgil?

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Yesterday we asked
if you wanted to risk it all

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for $500,000

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and you stalled for 20 minutes.

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Yes. Yes, I did. I was told to.

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Hey, that's great. But now we must
have your answer

13
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in the next 10 or 15 minutes.

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You want some of this? Well, do you?

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I can honestly say I do.

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All right, then.
For half a million dollars

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which of the following
is not a subatomic particle?

18
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Oy.

19
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Oh, boy.

20
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All right, let's see here. Uh...

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Well, I was born in Indiana...

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so that ain't it.

23
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And, uh... hmm. I better call my lifeline.

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Yello?

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Hey, Moe! We're watching you on TV!

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Yeah, I know, Homer.

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So, how's that
bowel obstruction doing?

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Homer! Please. Heh-heh.

29
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I got a nuclear-type question here.

30
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Well, it all starts when

31
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a nulecule comes out of its nest.

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The answer is "bonbon"!

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I'm going to say "bonbon."

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"Bonbon," eh, Moe?

35
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Is that your... ultimate response?

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- Yuh-huh.
- Oh... you are...

37
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correct!

38
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Well, Moe, would you like
to stop where you are

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or try for $1 million?

40
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Well... gee, I really do love currency

41
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but, um, I think I'm going to play it safe

42
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and stick with what I got.

43
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- You're the boss.
- Yes, I am.

44
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Eh, this quiz show crap is just a fad.

45
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Well, fad or not, it's here to stay.

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And it's killing your show in the ratings.

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Hey, what do you want from me?
I do a kid show!

48
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And it's a classic.
We just want you to open it up.

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Run wild. Shatter
the boundaries. Slash and burn.

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Without alienating anyone.

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Oy, these facockta network notes.

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Can you believe this?

53
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All we're saying is be dangerous.

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But warm. And edgy-cute.

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Did that exit work for you?

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I'd like to see it without the scream.

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I was just thinking that.

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Hey, hey, kids!

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Let's hear it for Madame Mimi

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and her Cheese-Seeking Poodles!

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We'll be back with a sketch set
in the craziest place...

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a restaurant!

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And... roll commercial.

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Krusty? Yeah.

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Quick thought about this restaurant set.

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Could it look more like a diner?

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Ooh! The Seinfeld diner!

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Are you nuts? I'm on in five seconds.

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'Cause the great thing
about Seinfeld was...

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You're on, Krusty.

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Ah. Nothing like a meal
in a fine restaurant.

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Ah, here comes the waitress.

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We're losing male teens.

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Can you get jiggy with something?

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You're giving me notes
while I'm on the air?

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That tears it!

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Folks, I've been in show biz for 61 years,

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but now these jerks have sucked
all the fun out.

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I don't need 12 suits
telling me which way to pee.

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Uh, for "pee," could you
substitute "whiz"?

81
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I... don't know... that could
upset the Cheez Whiz people.

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I was just thinking that.

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I can't take it anymore!

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Folks, don't miss this Friday's show.

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It'll be my last!

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Quitting show biz.

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Yeah, I know I like the area,
but where does it go?

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Get away from me!

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Wait!

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We have more notes!

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Get off, damn you!

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You can kill me, but two more
will take my place!

93
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I can't believe Krusty's retiring.

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This is tragic.

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A world without Krusty.

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What would that be like?

97
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What's on TV?

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Nutsy the clown.

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Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

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Well, I think it's good
for a show to go off the air

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before it becomes stale and repetitive.

102
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Maggie shot Mr. Burns again!

103
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Krusty the Clown's retirement

104
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has provoked an outpouring of anguish

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not seen since the small plane crash

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that killed the Banana Splits.

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We now go live to Krustylu Studios.

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What's the mood there,
Chief Clancy Wiggum?

109
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These kids are getting
a little out of hand, Kent,

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so we're going to have
to fire the time-out gas.

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Hey, Kent, are you guys
still having that contest

112
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where we guess what city
the weather girl's in?

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That was eight years ago.

114
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Is it Pittsburgh?

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I spoke to Krusty
about his legacy of laughter.

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Kent, the young people today

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they think comedy is dirty words.

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It's not. It's words that sound dirty.

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Like mukluk.

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Mukluk.

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You like that? No charge. Mukluk.

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Mukluk.

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Oh, can it, you tiresome tot-sitter.

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I was the risible one in our dyad.

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Ever watch the old episodes?

126
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Oh, Kent, that's a sad story.

127
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I taped over all my old episodes.

128
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Oh, you know, I had a thing for Judge Judy

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and blank tape was $3.99.

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What would you do?

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Those are my shows.

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Frankly, Kent, those episodes
were no big loss.

133
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The show didn't really get funny

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until we fired Sideshow Bob
and hired whosits.

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You've erased my past.

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Now I'll erase your future.

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Hey, hey, lights out!

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Oh, honestly.

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At Chino, they get to stay up till 9:00.

140
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Now, Bob, I've talked
to the warden at Chino

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and that's just not true.

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Your Honor, my incarceration

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is cruel and unusual punishment.

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First, my prison-issued shower sandals

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are grossly undersized.

146
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Secondly, the prison book club

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consists mainly of prisoners
who club me with books.

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These are from the new Tom Clancy.

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Although it's less painful
than reading him.

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Am I right, folks?

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Motion granted! Release the prisoner!

152
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Now, don't try anything funny
this time, Bob.

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I'm going to be on you
like red beans on, uh...

154
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Hey, hey, don't walk so fast.

155
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Hey, no fair... you got long legs.

156
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I got these little bitty hooves.

157
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Bob!

158
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OK, here's your storage locker

159
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just the way you left it.

160
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Thank you, Raphael.

161
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Now, this is a ticklish question, but...

162
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You want to live in the box?

163
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Cost you two bucks a day.

164
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Oh, thank you, kind innkeeper.

165
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You going to want a wake-up jab?

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- Please.
- No Problemo.

167
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Hiya, neighbor!

168
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Hey, wai-wai-wait. Whatcha writing there?

169
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If you must know,

170
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it's an exquisite scheme for revenge.

171
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Ah, revenge, huh?

172
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Half the guys in here are working on that.

173
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Well, mine's better.

174
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Phase One begins in...

175
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ten, nine, eight...

176
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Oh, I can't wait!

177
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,965
Now, Bob, uh, your graduate degrees

178
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more than qualify you
to be assistant janitor.

179
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My blushes.

180
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But I am a bit troubled

181
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by your constant attempts
to murder people.

182
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To be fair, most of
those people were Bart Simpson.

183
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Good luck.

184
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That kid's like the Road Runner,
he won't go down.

185
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Tell me about it.

186
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:32,405
Hey... you know, Bob,
your voice would be perfect

187
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,490
for the school's morning announcements.

188
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Attention, the French club
picnic has been canceled.

189
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Quel dommage.

190
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You're hired.

191
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It begins.

192
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I mean, my...

193
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,468
announcing career.
That's what's beginning.

194
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Good morning.
Springfield Elementary.

195
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,644
In the lost and found today,
we have one plaid kilt.

196
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:07,523
I believe the clan is
"Graham of Montrose."

197
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:12,236
This new morning announcer
sounds awfully familiar.

198
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,780
And finally, Bart Simpson

199
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,117
should immediately proceed, unescorted

200
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,953
to the old sports equipment shed
behind the school.

201
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Ha. So long, suckers.

202
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:36,802
Ring around the rosy...

203
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,399
Hello, Bart.

204
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,819
Oh, it's you, Bob. How you doing?

205
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,237
No screams?

206
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,657
Not even an "eep"?

207
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,991
Hey, I'm not afraid of you.

208
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,661
Every time we tangle, you wind up in jail.

209
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:02,745
I'm 6-0.

210
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,331
I'll admit that the record
is a little one-sided.

211
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:09,251
But this time, I cannot fail.

212
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:15,216
Rakes. My old archenemy.

213
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:17,051
I thought I was your archenemy.

214
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:19,261
I have a life outside of you, Bart.

215
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,118
What're you going to do to me?

216
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,895
Oh, believe me, I have a plan.

217
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,021
Let's see.

218
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,105
Get job as school announcer...
Lure Bart to shed...

219
00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:32,483
Secure same to chair with rope...

220
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:36,195
Ah, here we are. "Have Bart kill Krusty."

221
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,363
Krusty?

222
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:39,031
That's the one man I would never kill.

223
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,867
Oh, you will kill Krusty.

224
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,994
During his final show.

225
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:46,372
And you won't even know you're doing it.

226
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:51,127
Watch the shiny quarter, Bart.

227
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,003
That's it.

228
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:54,964
Oh, damn it, where'd it go?

229
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,507
I needed that for laundry.

230
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:57,967
Hey, stupid.

231
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,760
You looked.

232
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:08,394
Yes, that will do.

233
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,397
Watch the spiral, Bart.

234
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,692
Let it entrance you with its twirliness.

235
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,862
Twirliness.

236
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,697
You are in my power.

237
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,782
I am at your command.

238
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,118
I didn't say anything about command.

239
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,786
You're in my power. Say so.

240
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,788
I am in your power.

241
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,249
Excellent. Actually, go back to command.

242
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:31,584
No, power. Power.

243
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:37,298
Look, Krusty invited us to
the taping of his last episode.

244
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,343
Hello, family.

245
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,221
Where've you been, young man?
It's nearly bedtime.

246
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,016
I was... I was...

247
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,225
If anyone asks

248
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,686
you were at the flower shop.

249
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,147
I was at the flower shop.

250
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:56,567
Oh, yeah, I was at the flower shop, too.

251
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,779
Yep, getting drunk at the old flower shop.

252
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,366
Now, to see if you will really
attack your hero...

253
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,627
Yes, yes!

254
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:17,046
Work the groin.

255
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,215
Excuse me... could you take our picture?

256
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,341
Uh, yeah.

257
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,259
It should focus automatically.

258
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,553
It do.

259
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,389
Chief, you might want
to take a look outside.

260
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,557
That's it!

261
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,351
Kill Krusty!

262
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:33,646
Just like you'll kill him tomorrow night!

263
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:37,316
Aw, it's so great to see
a kid using a wooden bat.

264
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,318
These days it's all aluminum this

265
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:40,611
and George W. That.

266
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:42,863
Hey, Chief, look what
I got in my Laffy Meal.

267
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,698
Oh, mini-pinball.

268
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,242
Hey, give that back.

269
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,744
Give what back, Lou?

270
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:52,122
Oh, yeah!

271
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,089
Good evening, folks.

272
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,758
Welcome to my final clown-cast.

273
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,678
The word "legend" has many definitions...

274
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,222
This is for Sideshow Bob.

275
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,229
Marvelous, marvelous.

276
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:16,230
Funny till the end.

277
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:17,231
Moment of silence.

278
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:18,732
Well, it's my show now.

279
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,361
Thank you, thank you...

280
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,238
Thank you.

281
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,786
Oh, just a dream.

282
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:36,667
But tonight, I will taste
the sweet nectar of vengeance.

283
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,879
Bug spray!

284
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:59,690
Kent Brockman here at
Krusty the Clown's final show.

285
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:02,234
And here comes out-of-work
actor Ranier Wolfcastle.

286
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:05,613
Someone please, give me a job.

287
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:08,115
I've lowered my quote to $8 million.

288
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:09,825
Hear that, Hollywood?

289
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,243
The boy wants to work.

290
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,121
I do nude scene, I play nerd...

291
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,873
Don't make me punch your throat.

292
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:18,208
Always a delight.

293
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,429
And now, retiring
for the fifth and final time...

294
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,932
Krusty the Klown!

295
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,270
Thank you, folks.
Now, fasten your funny belts

296
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,023
as our own Chimpendale's dancer

297
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,943
gives you the Full Monkey.

298
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:47,780
I believe in miracles.

299
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:48,864
Take it off!

300
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,200
Where you from?

301
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,494
You sexy thing.

302
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:54,870
Sexy thing, you...

303
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,122
Bart...

304
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,626
Bart...

305
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,127
It's time, Bart.

306
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,129
Time to blow up the clown.

307
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,299
Time to blow up the clown.

308
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:08,884
Go. Blow.

309
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:12,471
And now a special treat...

310
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:17,059
My TV debut on the Milk of
Magnesia Summer Cavalcade.

311
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,602
Let's watch.

312
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,062
Look at me.

313
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,314
I am Kaputnik, the Russian satellite.

314
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,985
Yah! The Bolshoi's doing
the Nutcracker in my pants.

315
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,738
Back then you couldn't say "pants" on TV.

316
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,657
I was banned for ten years.

317
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:35,035
Finally, I got
a second chance on Laugh-In.

318
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,913
Hey, Krusty, what do you get

319
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,416
when you cross a chicken with a beagle?

320
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,419
The facockta doors are stuck!

321
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,754
Don't just stare, Arty, help me!

322
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:51,010
Those lousy shutters
set me back another 22 years.

323
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:03,939
That's good plastic explosive.

324
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:12,906
Now, my little hypno-assassin,
your cue to attack will be

325
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:17,453
when Krusty says "I've never
had such a great audience."

326
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,912
You will run up and hug him

327
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:22,082
blowing each of you to smithereens.

328
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,209
Whatever.

329
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,336
Now we're going to show you
some clips from...

330
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,965
Oh, no!

331
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,051
I wanted to keep this quiet.

332
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,720
Can I embarrass
this guy for a moment?

333
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:38,599
Three years ago, Krusty pledged
over a million dollars

334
00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:40,434
to start Krusty's Kare Center.

335
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:42,853
Please, stop already.

336
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,898
To this day Krusty has not given us a dime

337
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,232
has he, Francis?

338
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,693
I'm cold all the time.

339
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:53,822
Oh, look, it was all a bookkeeping snafu.

340
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,450
- Could I have the check now?
- Now?

341
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,035
Uh, sure.

342
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,661
God bless you, Krusty.

343
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:00,788
Aww...

344
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,706
And if my banker's watching

345
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:07,377
let nothing stop you
from payment of this check.

346
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,218
Ah, the catwalk.

347
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,719
A perfect vantage point...

348
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,347
for revenge.

349
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:24,770
Ah, kettle chips, the perfect side dish...

350
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,314
for revenge.

351
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:29,441
What a special night.

352
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,068
And you know something?

353
00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:33,987
I've never had such a great audience.

354
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,120
- We've had a lot...
- Poor Krusty.

355
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,747
This is your Waterloo.

356
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:48,043
Soon you'll be Napoleon Blownapart.

357
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:49,503
Ugh, terrible.

358
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:50,754
Oh, hush up, Leo.

359
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,550
You know, I'd like
to thank God for all my success

360
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,845
even though I never worshiped
or believed in Him in any way.

361
00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:01,056
But before I sweep up my last spotlight

362
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,517
there's one thing I've got to say.

363
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,145
Over the years I've...

364
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,272
a lot of... Whoa!

365
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,274
And I've... guh, guh

366
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,359
my share of... Ah-ooga!

367
00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:14,695
But there's only one thing I'm ashamed of.

368
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,822
"Ashamed"?

369
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,199
There was a man who used to work for me.

370
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:22,995
A man of grace and humor,
but I mistreated him

371
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,455
and drove him to a life of crime

372
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,542
so wherever you are, I just want to say.

373
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:32,379
Sideshow Bob, I'm sorry.

374
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:38,802
Oh, Bob, you repaid my abuse
with raw hatred.

375
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,305
But I need you today.

376
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:44,141
Oh, Bob, well, you went.

377
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:47,477
To Apu's and you framed me.

378
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:50,272
So they locked me away.

379
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:55,402
Oh, that sweet, funny man.

380
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,447
Oh, no!

381
00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,698
My boy bomb!

382
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,784
Well, good night and...

383
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,246
Oh, look, it's a tow-headed little fan.

384
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,831
What do you say, folks?

385
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:10,542
- Should I hug him?
- Yeah!

386
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,928
No!

387
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,856
Oh, God, a bomb!

388
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,399
I was just thinking that.

389
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,322
What happened? Was anyone hurt?

390
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,991
Just some network executives.

391
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,628
We have notes.

392
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:57,881
Have you thought about Dave Chapelle?

393
00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,758
Destroy!

394
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,552
OK, everybody,

395
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,346
say "funny."

396
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:05,847
Funny!

397
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,016
Perfect.

398
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:14,231
Krusty, I'm so sorry
about the attempted murder.

399
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:16,984
Will you stop with the sorry?

400
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:19,278
Every time you try to kill me

401
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:22,072
my ratings go through the roof, you nut.

402
00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:24,449
We are good together, Krusty.

403
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:27,619
It makes me sad that you're
getting the death penalty.

404
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:31,123
Ah. Don't remind me.

405
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:34,084
OK, where do you want
to do this thing?

406
00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:35,752
Isn't it customary to have a trial?

407
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:38,338
Oh, a wise guy, huh?

408
00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:29,681
Mukluk.

409
00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:32,392
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