1 00:00:06,065 --> 00:00:08,215 (electronic beeping and chiming) 2 00:00:08,325 --> 00:00:10,917 Don't rot your brain on Satan's calculator. 3 00:00:11,086 --> 00:00:13,679 Babies need real toys like these. 4 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,225 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:20,429 --> 00:00:22,337 (fanfare plays) 6 00:00:22,431 --> 00:00:23,764 -It's Princess Maggie. -(courtiers exclaiming) 7 00:00:23,916 --> 00:00:25,916 Princess Maggie's here. 8 00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:27,693 Princess Maggie, what's wrong? 9 00:00:27,844 --> 00:00:29,361 The girl is bored. 10 00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:32,105 Royal court, entertain my daughter at once. 11 00:00:32,258 --> 00:00:35,442 No princess can frown when her eardrums are pulsing 12 00:00:35,594 --> 00:00:38,328 with the beat of iambic pentameter. 13 00:00:39,615 --> 00:00:40,855 That's quite a frown. 14 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,282 Out of my way! 15 00:00:42,434 --> 00:00:45,669 I've got no shame or regard for my own well-being. 16 00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:48,288 Hey, hey! 17 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,548 (Krusty groans) 18 00:00:49,699 --> 00:00:52,033 You fools have failed the princess. 19 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,628 We have no other option. We must give her... 20 00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:57,264 -the special gift. -(gasping) 21 00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:01,351 -♪ ♪ -(onlookers chatter in wonder) 22 00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:08,317 -(onlookers gasp) -(roars) 23 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,659 Goodbye, Princess Maggie. Goodbye. 24 00:01:18,971 --> 00:01:20,496 (roaring) 25 00:01:21,565 --> 00:01:23,731 (screaming) 26 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:24,975 ¡Ay, caramba! 27 00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:27,252 ♪ ♪ 28 00:01:28,814 --> 00:01:29,813 MARGE: Oh, boy. 29 00:01:29,832 --> 00:01:31,148 Homer, 30 00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:33,074 your father's messing up the baby again. 31 00:01:33,168 --> 00:01:35,319 (electronic beeping and chiming) 32 00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:38,180 ♪ ♪ 33 00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:46,730 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:55,531 (grunting) 35 00:01:56,859 --> 00:01:58,408 (belches) 36 00:02:02,531 --> 00:02:05,332 ♪ ♪ 37 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,128 (groans) 38 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:12,172 (bell dings) 39 00:02:13,783 --> 00:02:15,259 (whinnies) 40 00:02:19,865 --> 00:02:21,765 Way ahead of you, pal. 41 00:02:24,461 --> 00:02:26,145 (whistles) 42 00:02:29,892 --> 00:02:32,067 (laughing) 43 00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:37,990 My eyes... 44 00:02:49,728 --> 00:02:51,670 (horns honking) 45 00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:57,250 Where did all this traffic come from? 46 00:02:57,403 --> 00:02:59,736 It's like my favorite movie ever, Cars 3. 47 00:02:59,829 --> 00:03:01,829 I hated Cars 1 and 2. 48 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,057 (horns honking) 49 00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:09,763 (chuckles) I'm unsupervised. 50 00:03:09,915 --> 00:03:11,081 Have no fear. 51 00:03:11,099 --> 00:03:13,174 Safety is here. (grunts) 52 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,527 Traffic, no traffic-- what's the difference? 53 00:03:15,679 --> 00:03:18,846 I got nothing to be late for and no one who cares. 54 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,074 ♪ ♪ 55 00:03:26,765 --> 00:03:29,499 (Homer and Marge giggling) 56 00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:36,456 Let's take this from Disney+ to HBO Max. 57 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,700 (both giggling) 58 00:03:38,794 --> 00:03:41,253 (horn honking) 59 00:03:41,405 --> 00:03:43,204 HOMER: Oh, Marge, you haven't honked 60 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,872 like this since high school. 61 00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:46,874 It's a traffic jam. 62 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,144 (horns continue honking) 63 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,880 (humming) 64 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:57,027 My, my, look at all those middle fingers raised to the Lord. 65 00:03:58,297 --> 00:04:00,739 Wait a minute. That car looks familiar. 66 00:04:00,966 --> 00:04:02,890 Hey, that looks like... (gasps) 67 00:04:02,985 --> 00:04:05,485 (intro to "The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand plays) 68 00:04:05,637 --> 00:04:07,654 No, don't go there, Moe. Don't go there. 69 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,473 Erase, erase, erase! 70 00:04:09,566 --> 00:04:11,500 (tires squealing) 71 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,265 (grunts) Oh, come on. 72 00:04:26,374 --> 00:04:28,174 We put up a sign and everything. 73 00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:29,751 This is so unreal. 74 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,996 Why did all this traffic suddenly appear on our street? 75 00:04:33,089 --> 00:04:35,256 Wayz told me this was the fastest route. 76 00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:37,759 That's important when you're selling your organs. 77 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,169 Oh, my God, I've heard of this. 78 00:04:39,187 --> 00:04:40,595 That app routes traffic 79 00:04:40,672 --> 00:04:42,281 through a quiet residential neighborhood, 80 00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:44,932 turning it into a gridlocked nightmare. 81 00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:46,267 ("Traffic Jam" by James Taylor playing) 82 00:04:46,361 --> 00:04:48,436 ♪ Damn this traffic jam ♪ 83 00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:51,272 ♪ How I hate to be late, it hurts my motor... ♪ 84 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:54,275 Sorry, I met someone in another car. 85 00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:57,111 -(laughs) -♪ Time I get home, my supper will be cold ♪ 86 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,172 ♪ Damn this traffic jam ♪ 87 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,709 ♪ Well, I left my job about five o'clock ♪ 88 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,137 ♪ It took 15 minutes to go three blocks... ♪ 89 00:05:05,364 --> 00:05:06,972 We need to do something. 90 00:05:07,049 --> 00:05:09,199 This is driving the neighborhood nuts. 91 00:05:09,217 --> 00:05:11,959 Even the guy who's always in his underwear. 92 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,645 This is more than I put on for Zoom. 93 00:05:13,872 --> 00:05:15,814 Enough with the traffic. 94 00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:17,649 I'm calling a neighborhood meeting. 95 00:05:17,759 --> 00:05:19,209 (bell chiming) 96 00:05:19,378 --> 00:05:20,877 TOWN CRIER: Neighborhood Meeting. 97 00:05:20,896 --> 00:05:22,470 Neighborhood meeting. 98 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:26,216 Please rate my app. Please rate my app. 99 00:05:26,234 --> 00:05:29,477 Two stars? My IPO is ruined. 100 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,738 Ruined! Ruined! 101 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,148 (horns honking) 102 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,742 We're here to talk about 103 00:05:35,952 --> 00:05:39,062 the terrible problem on our street. 104 00:05:39,081 --> 00:05:41,173 -Finally. -About time. 105 00:05:41,324 --> 00:05:45,068 We assume you're talking about you, the Simpsons. 106 00:05:45,087 --> 00:05:46,086 BOTH: Wha...? 107 00:05:46,238 --> 00:05:47,679 I've seen the boy's moons more times 108 00:05:47,906 --> 00:05:50,073 than I've seen the real one, and I'm an astronomer. 109 00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:51,666 What's wrong with us? 110 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,911 You haven't stopped by to say hello in 25 years, 111 00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:56,596 and I live next door. 112 00:05:56,748 --> 00:05:59,875 The only good one's the baby, and she shot a guy. 113 00:05:59,877 --> 00:06:01,509 (neighbors murmuring) 114 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,028 Wait, are we ignoring the elephant in the room? 115 00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,438 By which I mean the big, fat husband. 116 00:06:05,591 --> 00:06:07,348 Every time Homer wears corduroys, 117 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:10,518 I just hear those thighs scraping, scraping, scraping. 118 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,354 Oh, my God. I'm starting to get the idea 119 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,690 you think we're not good neighbors. 120 00:06:15,784 --> 00:06:17,951 (pants scraping) 121 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,285 You see? You see? 122 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,121 Now, don't worry, my friends. 123 00:06:21,273 --> 00:06:23,382 I'm stepping forward to fix this traffic. 124 00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:26,776 And by doing so, maybe... just maybe I'll fix 125 00:06:26,795 --> 00:06:28,795 my reputation with you all. 126 00:06:28,947 --> 00:06:34,184 So just say to me what I say to Tinker Bell: "I believe." 127 00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:37,971 And... off I go. 128 00:06:38,123 --> 00:06:39,481 (pants scraping) 129 00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:46,488 Um... no. 130 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:48,798 "Identify all traffic lights." 131 00:06:48,817 --> 00:06:49,966 Done. 132 00:06:49,985 --> 00:06:51,559 "Identify all yield signs." 133 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,727 Done. 134 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,487 "Identify all the crosswalks." 135 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,791 Oh! Lisa, help me. 136 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,233 Done. 137 00:06:59,327 --> 00:07:00,977 "Identify all fire hydrants." 138 00:07:00,996 --> 00:07:02,236 Done. 139 00:07:02,314 --> 00:07:03,571 Jesuits? Done. 140 00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:05,165 20th-century dictators? 141 00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:07,317 Uh, overrated fiction? 142 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:10,503 (groans) Hyperintelligent cartoon characters? 143 00:07:10,656 --> 00:07:12,172 Vegan nut milks? 144 00:07:12,324 --> 00:07:14,007 Future criminals? 145 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,083 Aah! New England doorways! 146 00:07:16,178 --> 00:07:18,344 Oh, forget this. I'm calling instead. 147 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:20,772 AUTOMATED VOICE: You've reached Wayz customer service. 148 00:07:20,999 --> 00:07:24,425 You have 5,700 callers ahead of you. 149 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:27,946 Now, please enjoy the frustrated noises of other callers on hold. 150 00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:30,097 (people groaning) 151 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,950 WOMAN: I'm gonna blow my brains out. 152 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,177 -(birds singing) -(engines running) 153 00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:36,455 -(horn honks) -You again? 154 00:07:36,682 --> 00:07:38,348 (horn honking) 155 00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:40,459 Can it be her, after all these years? 156 00:07:40,686 --> 00:07:44,521 The woman I thought was the one stuck behind my car? 157 00:07:45,524 --> 00:07:48,449 ("The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand playing) 158 00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:51,595 ♪ Mmm, mmm ♪ 159 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:58,101 ♪ Mmm-mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm... ♪ 160 00:08:00,038 --> 00:08:01,646 Hi, Moe. I missed you. 161 00:08:01,798 --> 00:08:03,148 I never should've left. 162 00:08:03,299 --> 00:08:06,710 Maya. The longest, best relationship of my life. 163 00:08:06,712 --> 00:08:09,571 That was a great six days. 164 00:08:10,565 --> 00:08:12,640 You're a good kisser. 165 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,142 (chuckles): Yeah. I practice by siphoning gas 166 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,070 out of other people's tanks. 167 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,573 So, is there a knob or an "open sesame" type deal or what? 168 00:08:20,726 --> 00:08:22,559 My house is over there. 169 00:08:22,577 --> 00:08:23,560 MOE: Wha...? 170 00:08:23,578 --> 00:08:25,545 ♪ ♪ 171 00:08:27,749 --> 00:08:31,134 Every day since you left me, I've written you a letter. 172 00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:34,221 Really wish I had gotten your address. 173 00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:41,520 ♪ ♪ 174 00:08:41,747 --> 00:08:43,170 So, how you been, Maya? 175 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,673 Well, I finally got my PhD. 176 00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,192 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 177 00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:49,252 You taking medicine for that or what? 178 00:08:49,271 --> 00:08:50,529 (laughs): Oh, Moe. 179 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,180 It's nice to laugh again. How are you? 180 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,849 Oh, I-I'm doing great. 181 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,277 Yeah, the factory closed, so there's lots of new drunks. 182 00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,112 And, uh, oh, the bathroom possum 183 00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:01,665 is getting real good at handing out them combs. 184 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,712 (sighs) Who am I kidding? 185 00:09:07,864 --> 00:09:09,455 My life is a wreck, Maya. 186 00:09:09,624 --> 00:09:12,776 The face recognition software on my phone says, "Yuck." 187 00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:15,278 My playlist only has breakup songs. 188 00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,722 (à la Rodney Dangerfield): It's rough, I'm telling you, yeah. 189 00:09:17,874 --> 00:09:20,466 I miss you, Moses Marie Szyslak. 190 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:23,044 Oh, no, no, no. Please don't give me that look. 191 00:09:23,212 --> 00:09:25,638 I can't go through it again, Maya. I can't. 192 00:09:25,791 --> 00:09:28,808 Ah, just look at you walking toward me, coming closer, 193 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,735 with those big green eyes of yours 194 00:09:30,962 --> 00:09:32,386 and the great-smelling hair, 195 00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:35,490 skin smoother than American cheese. 196 00:09:39,971 --> 00:09:42,639 But I want a drink now. 197 00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:44,708 ♪ ♪ 198 00:09:47,829 --> 00:09:51,590 Oh, I wish this moment could last forever, like, uh... 199 00:09:51,817 --> 00:09:54,759 uh, I don't know, uh, Henry Winkler's career. 200 00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:56,820 Boy, that guy never jumped the shark. 201 00:09:56,838 --> 00:09:58,655 Not even when he jumped the shark. 202 00:09:58,748 --> 00:10:02,508 Just so I know, have you had another girlfriend since me? 203 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:03,935 Uh, not really, no. 204 00:10:04,087 --> 00:10:05,437 Uh, no one could match you. 205 00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:08,348 I mean, I have been catfished a few times. 206 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,441 Hey, Moe. 207 00:10:09,668 --> 00:10:12,001 (chuckling): It's us, "Online Gloria." 208 00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:14,520 I'll kill you! Also, I love you. 209 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:17,006 (both laughing) 210 00:10:17,025 --> 00:10:19,409 Oh, Moe, you poor guy. 211 00:10:20,512 --> 00:10:22,362 MOE: Oh, everything is perfect. 212 00:10:22,514 --> 00:10:26,458 Which it always is until I say, "I love you." 213 00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:31,129 I love you. 214 00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:39,220 (chuckles): I love you. Will you marry me? 215 00:10:43,551 --> 00:10:45,535 (buzzer blares) 216 00:10:45,553 --> 00:10:46,703 To hell with women. 217 00:10:46,721 --> 00:10:49,022 I love you, New York. 218 00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:52,609 Help me. Spider-Man! 219 00:10:56,398 --> 00:10:57,980 (sighs) 220 00:10:59,308 --> 00:11:01,384 Professor, can you get the traffic off our street? 221 00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:03,144 I'll give you anything except for money 222 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,721 or credit for what you did. 223 00:11:04,739 --> 00:11:08,391 The only way to defeat a global data behemoth 224 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,743 is to get into the source code. 225 00:11:10,896 --> 00:11:14,255 Just look what I did here on, uh... on the Wikipedia. 226 00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:17,250 (impressed murmuring) 227 00:11:17,402 --> 00:11:19,585 ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Wayz. 228 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:23,072 We figure out the fastest route to get you where you want to go. 229 00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:25,742 Our secret? Always collecting data. 230 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,427 But we would never misuse it. 231 00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:29,245 (chuckling): Who do you think we are, Google? 232 00:11:29,264 --> 00:11:30,930 Disclaimer: We're owned by Google. 233 00:11:31,082 --> 00:11:32,265 I've got the answer. 234 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,694 What if we made your street... (mutters gibberish) 235 00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:37,028 ...not exist? 236 00:11:37,255 --> 00:11:39,013 Well, where would we live? 237 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,848 (chuckles): Well, that's quite silly. 238 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,868 It would, of course, still exist in real life, 239 00:11:44,095 --> 00:11:46,779 but I could make it disappear from the database. 240 00:11:46,932 --> 00:11:48,522 (mutters gibberish) 241 00:11:48,649 --> 00:11:50,266 -All right, let us see here. -(typing) 242 00:11:50,359 --> 00:11:52,435 Uh, keystrokes, keystrokes, escape key, 243 00:11:52,528 --> 00:11:55,863 both colon and semicolon, backslash, backslash, 244 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:59,366 ampersand... 245 00:11:59,461 --> 00:12:02,295 we come to a new day on "no such street." 246 00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:03,888 (chuckles, mutters gibberish) 247 00:12:04,115 --> 00:12:06,516 (Simpsons gasping) 248 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:12,121 Never again will we be afraid of cars. 249 00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:14,958 MAN: Get thee out of my way, English! 250 00:12:14,976 --> 00:12:18,361 It's time to play in the streets! 251 00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:20,613 Haw-haw! 252 00:12:27,138 --> 00:12:30,248 (whimpers) Climate change is real. 253 00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:32,959 (applause) 254 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,162 They know I did this. 255 00:12:36,331 --> 00:12:38,906 They're making eye contact with me. Eye contact. 256 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,334 Even the guy with the boat in his driveway. 257 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,003 Hey, hey, Homer, want to come on my boat with me? 258 00:12:44,172 --> 00:12:45,004 In the water? 259 00:12:45,173 --> 00:12:46,247 Eh, we'll see. 260 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,340 Uh, one step at a time. 261 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,509 I will never get tired of this. 262 00:12:49,661 --> 00:12:51,728 Never. Never, ever. 263 00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:55,014 So, what do you feel like doing? 264 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,275 I don't know, I... I feel like singing. 265 00:12:57,426 --> 00:12:59,852 ♪ You're bringing me sunshine ♪ 266 00:13:00,005 --> 00:13:01,671 ♪ Moe ♪ 267 00:13:01,689 --> 00:13:04,449 ♪ It's like vodka with fresh lime ♪ 268 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,117 ♪ Let it flow ♪ 269 00:13:06,344 --> 00:13:08,845 ♪ I'm having a fun time ♪ 270 00:13:08,863 --> 00:13:10,863 ♪ Whoa ♪ 271 00:13:11,016 --> 00:13:12,940 ♪ Serving up red wine ♪ 272 00:13:13,018 --> 00:13:14,867 ♪ Pinot ♪ 273 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:16,686 ♪ I drink more than I should ♪ 274 00:13:16,688 --> 00:13:19,038 ♪ Don't it, don't it, don't it, don't it ♪ 275 00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:20,873 ♪ Don't it, don't it feel good. ♪ 276 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,208 (belches) 277 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,302 Hey, are you guys an item again? 278 00:13:24,529 --> 00:13:27,030 (chuckles) Well, maybe, maybe. 279 00:13:27,198 --> 00:13:28,640 We definitely are. 280 00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:30,700 He has a toothbrush at my place. 281 00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:32,368 Yeah, but, yeah, it's a rental. 282 00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:35,146 Moe's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 283 00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:37,798 And this time, it's gonna last. 284 00:13:37,892 --> 00:13:39,800 Way to go, Moe. Three cheers. 285 00:13:39,894 --> 00:13:41,302 ALL: Hip, hip, hooray! 286 00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:43,971 Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip... 287 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,824 Homer, come in the alley with me. 288 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,976 (gasps) My doctor warned me not to cut off a "hip, hip, hooray." 289 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,978 (taking deep, gasping breaths) 290 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,831 Look, Maya left me once. 291 00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:54,815 I just know she's gonna leave me again. 292 00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,668 This-this is a disaster. 293 00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:59,337 You're the only guy here who knows how to hold on to a woman. 294 00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:01,840 What is your secret? How do you keep Midge? 295 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:04,342 Well, it's, uh... it's, um... 296 00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:05,492 Hmm. 297 00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:07,161 It helps if you get them pregnant. 298 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,922 Please, I need some actual, real advice here. 299 00:14:10,091 --> 00:14:12,166 Yeah, I better call Midge. 300 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,184 Hello. 301 00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:14,668 Honey, I'm here in the alley with Moe. 302 00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:16,579 The only woman who ever loved him came back, 303 00:14:16,672 --> 00:14:18,505 and he's afraid she's gonna leave him again. 304 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,673 What should he do? 305 00:14:19,767 --> 00:14:21,508 Hand him the phone. 306 00:14:21,603 --> 00:14:23,695 Moe, trust love. 307 00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:24,937 Gotcha. 308 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,197 Your wife's an idiot. 309 00:14:26,349 --> 00:14:27,866 Another tray of doughnuts. 310 00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,775 This time from that family over there. 311 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,036 Geez, I can't take all this adulation. 312 00:14:32,263 --> 00:14:34,205 This must be what drove Randy Quaid crazy. 313 00:14:34,432 --> 00:14:35,948 Mr. Simpson, will you throw out 314 00:14:36,101 --> 00:14:37,767 the first pitch at my Little League game? 315 00:14:37,785 --> 00:14:40,103 Want to have coffee on my boat in the parking lot? 316 00:14:40,196 --> 00:14:41,713 Do you ever take it in the water? 317 00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:42,881 Not yet. 318 00:14:43,108 --> 00:14:44,957 Please, I'm just here to eat. 319 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,718 Geez, you were mad they didn't like you, 320 00:14:46,869 --> 00:14:48,386 and now you're mad they like you. 321 00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:51,464 I just want to be left alone with my to-do list. 322 00:14:51,616 --> 00:14:52,782 Excuse me. 323 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,784 Will you be godfather to my baby? 324 00:14:54,802 --> 00:14:56,377 Let me see it. 325 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,045 Ugh. Pass. 326 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,806 Okay, Moe. I'll be back in 20 minutes. 327 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,625 I'm just getting some stuff for dinner. 328 00:15:02,644 --> 00:15:04,477 -Love you. -Mwah. 329 00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:06,295 Love you, too. 330 00:15:06,314 --> 00:15:09,223 MOE: Moe. Oh, Moe. 331 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,058 Huh? 332 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,302 Look at you. Look at us. 333 00:15:13,396 --> 00:15:15,396 She's not gonna come back. 334 00:15:15,490 --> 00:15:17,731 -They never come back. -Oh, yeah? 335 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,326 Well, this time, I'm not gonna listen to mirrors 336 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,494 or mud puddles 337 00:15:21,646 --> 00:15:23,922 or my upside-down face in a spoon. 338 00:15:24,073 --> 00:15:26,424 This time, I'm gonna believe. 339 00:15:26,575 --> 00:15:28,384 Oh, no, you're not. 340 00:15:29,170 --> 00:15:31,003 No one could love you. 341 00:15:31,156 --> 00:15:32,413 Stop it, stop it, stop it! 342 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,581 What does it take to get a beer around here? 343 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,825 BOTH MOES: Shut up! 344 00:15:35,843 --> 00:15:37,751 Shut up? I would stop coming here 345 00:15:37,845 --> 00:15:39,938 if you weren't the only place in stumbling distance. 346 00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:41,347 You are not real. 347 00:15:41,499 --> 00:15:43,757 You're just that nagging voice of self-doubt 348 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,092 that lives in my head. 349 00:15:45,186 --> 00:15:47,186 That's right. Easy in, easy out. 350 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,947 Well, this time, I'm gonna stop you 351 00:15:49,098 --> 00:15:51,507 before you wreck my life. 352 00:15:51,526 --> 00:15:53,284 (grunting) 353 00:15:53,511 --> 00:15:56,679 Now you're a loser with seven years bad luck. 354 00:15:56,698 --> 00:15:58,456 (laughing) 355 00:15:58,607 --> 00:15:59,773 ♪ ♪ 356 00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:01,867 ♪ No one likes you ♪ 357 00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:03,777 ♪ You're the worst ♪ 358 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:07,039 ♪ We'd all be happy if your head just burst ♪ 359 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,134 ♪ The world could not hate you more ♪ 360 00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:15,364 ♪ You lousy, oozing canker sore ♪ 361 00:16:15,383 --> 00:16:17,700 (laughing): I guess what we're trying to say is... 362 00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:21,037 ♪ You'll die alone. ♪ 363 00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:22,205 You're right. 364 00:16:22,223 --> 00:16:24,040 You beautiful bastards are right. 365 00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:26,109 (groans) 366 00:16:27,395 --> 00:16:29,988 -(whistles) -Mm-hmm. -Ah, yeah. 367 00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:34,808 Huh? What the...? 368 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,977 Moe? You're hiding here? 369 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:39,889 Yeah. Bart's treehouse is the one place 370 00:16:39,891 --> 00:16:41,240 no one will look for me. 371 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,226 Plus, there are no girls allowed, 372 00:16:43,244 --> 00:16:45,228 which, uh, helps. 373 00:16:45,246 --> 00:16:47,154 Moe's going through a tough time, son. 374 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,731 Just play around him. 375 00:16:48,824 --> 00:16:50,324 We'll just pretend he's a dead, rotting alien. 376 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,509 Thank you, son. 377 00:16:51,736 --> 00:16:54,328 (Milhouse and Bart imitating weapons blasting) 378 00:16:54,422 --> 00:16:56,497 (sobbing) 379 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,182 The alien's alive! 380 00:16:58,259 --> 00:17:00,259 -And it has feelings. -Kill him! 381 00:17:00,411 --> 00:17:01,835 (both resume imitating weapons blasting) 382 00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:04,105 (groaning, sobbing) 383 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,921 I'm sorry, no breakfast 384 00:17:11,939 --> 00:17:13,906 until you get Moe out of the treehouse. 385 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:18,077 And I'll keep your bacon safe while you're gone. 386 00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:22,123 Thank God I have my pocket bacon. 387 00:17:23,192 --> 00:17:26,193 Moe, you can't stay here anymore. 388 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,379 Sure, I can. Uh, you want some eggs with that? 389 00:17:28,456 --> 00:17:30,623 I got 'em out of that nest over there. 390 00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:31,941 Just one. 391 00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,867 I don't want to be rude. 392 00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:35,795 Listen, Moe, every once in a while, 393 00:17:35,947 --> 00:17:39,282 a beautiful woman falls in love with a homely guy like us. 394 00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,208 You got to make the most of it. 395 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,303 If Kevin James can find happiness, why can't you? 396 00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:46,472 (laughs): And he was always wearing shorts. 397 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,625 You know, after all these years, I dated all these women, 398 00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:52,461 and it always just goes back to square one. 399 00:17:52,555 --> 00:17:54,054 Lonely old Moe. 400 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,907 Well, there is a way around that. 401 00:17:56,134 --> 00:17:57,650 You could propose. 402 00:17:57,802 --> 00:17:59,302 Wha...? 403 00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:02,563 What are you proposing I propose? 404 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,974 I mean the big "M." 405 00:18:04,992 --> 00:18:06,976 -Murder-suicide? -No. 406 00:18:06,994 --> 00:18:09,236 -Marriage. -(chuckles): Marriage? Whoa. 407 00:18:09,330 --> 00:18:11,147 You mean I could have the thing you're always 408 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,549 coming into my bar and moaning about? 409 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,244 You know what? She's worth it. 410 00:18:17,322 --> 00:18:19,263 I'll give it a shot. 411 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,659 Okay. This is as far as we go. 412 00:18:23,828 --> 00:18:25,103 Yeah, yeah, okay. 413 00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:27,230 Let me just straighten myself up. 414 00:18:33,004 --> 00:18:35,071 ♪ ♪ 415 00:18:44,031 --> 00:18:46,958 You'd better speak fast, or for the second time, 416 00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:48,775 you're gonna lose the first good thing 417 00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:50,202 that's ever happened to you. 418 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,188 I'm so sorry. You're great, so great, 419 00:18:52,206 --> 00:18:53,756 and all I've been is afraid. 420 00:18:55,376 --> 00:18:56,525 (gasps) 421 00:18:56,619 --> 00:18:59,137 But all I got to do is look in your eyes. 422 00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:00,880 Baby, I love you so much. 423 00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:03,883 You stick with me, you'll get everything you ever wanted. 424 00:19:04,035 --> 00:19:05,868 I will never doubt you again. 425 00:19:05,887 --> 00:19:07,461 You can control the remote. 426 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,538 You can pick all our vacations. 427 00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:12,224 And because I know the ladies like it this way, 428 00:19:12,377 --> 00:19:14,819 I will leave the toilet seat on. 429 00:19:14,970 --> 00:19:17,880 Maya, will you marry me? 430 00:19:17,899 --> 00:19:20,074 ♪ ♪ 431 00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:23,977 Forget it, loser. 432 00:19:24,071 --> 00:19:25,812 Gorillas like us don't get the girl. 433 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:29,483 We're lucky if our cage gets hosed down once a week. 434 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,743 Yes. 435 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,745 I knew it! That's it. 436 00:19:32,897 --> 00:19:34,321 I'm never getting up again. 437 00:19:34,415 --> 00:19:37,066 Staying here, on the ground. 438 00:19:37,084 --> 00:19:38,992 Wait, you-you said yes. 439 00:19:39,086 --> 00:19:41,596 Yes, Moe. Yes. 440 00:19:44,759 --> 00:19:46,425 ("The Way We Were" playing) 441 00:19:46,577 --> 00:19:50,188 ♪ Memories ♪ 442 00:19:50,339 --> 00:19:55,526 ♪ Light the corners of my mind ♪ 443 00:19:58,847 --> 00:20:01,590 ♪ Misty, watercolored ♪ 444 00:20:01,609 --> 00:20:05,778 ♪ Memories ♪ 445 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:10,875 ♪ Of the way we were. ♪ 446 00:20:12,027 --> 00:20:14,378 Good song, but, uh, the movie is crap. 447 00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,609 (crying, sniffling) 448 00:20:20,628 --> 00:20:21,627 What is it, Mosie? 449 00:20:21,796 --> 00:20:23,054 Oh, it's just, uh... 450 00:20:23,205 --> 00:20:24,947 I ain't never been able to use this... 451 00:20:24,966 --> 00:20:26,432 until now. 452 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,043 -(sobs) -Aw. 453 00:20:30,137 --> 00:20:32,972 Here you go, my good man. 454 00:20:33,124 --> 00:20:35,399 Eh, this expired-a ten years ago. 455 00:20:35,551 --> 00:20:36,959 Ah, damn it! 456 00:20:37,052 --> 00:20:38,143 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 457 00:20:38,296 --> 00:20:39,386 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 458 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,130 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 459 00:20:41,299 --> 00:20:42,648 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 460 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,284 LISA: "Identify all the existentialists." 461 00:20:46,471 --> 00:20:48,120 Celebrity chefs. 462 00:20:49,231 --> 00:20:51,565 Very soft minerals. 463 00:20:51,659 --> 00:20:54,126 Bebop jazz musicians. Yes! 464 00:20:55,663 --> 00:20:57,421 Tropical birds. 465 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,591 Chess grand masters? 466 00:21:01,910 --> 00:21:03,511 Stone fruits? 467 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,306 American Revolutionary battles? 468 00:21:08,584 --> 00:21:10,476 Nail shank diameters? 469 00:21:11,512 --> 00:21:13,604 Aah! And I'm in. Ha. 470 00:21:13,756 --> 00:21:15,014 MARGE: Lisa, time for bed. 471 00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,191 LISA: Oh, man. 472 00:21:23,691 --> 00:21:25,324 Shh!