1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,423 The Simpsons. 2 00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:35,035 - Here we go! - Come on, come on! 3 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,078 All right, everybody got their ticket? 4 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,999 Then get ready for today's super-Barto jackpot drawing. 5 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,546 Come on, cantaloupe. 6 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:49,174 And 'round and 'round she... 7 00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,395 No refunds. Force majeure. 8 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:03,639 Read the back of your ticket. 9 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:08,193 Oh... $900? 10 00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:11,571 Well, we'll have to dip into the retirement fund again. 11 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,167 Aw, nuts. 12 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,252 Hello? 13 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,378 China? 14 00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:28,880 A little help? 15 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,674 Well, I never thought it would come to this, 16 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,134 but I guess we'll have to sell. 17 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,761 Grandma's Civil War doll. 18 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,554 Mom, are you sure you want to sell 19 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:39,265 a family heirloom to pay the gas bill? 20 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:40,975 I mean, what would your grandma say? 21 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,352 I'm sure she'd be proud 22 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,771 that her descendants had piping hot tap water 23 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,815 and plenty of warm, dry underwear. 24 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,150 That is so true. 25 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:58,451 Hmm, these campaign buttons are all partisan. 26 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,411 Don't you have any neutral ones? 27 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:01,830 "May the better man win"? 28 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,331 "Let's have a good, clean election"? 29 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:04,833 That sort of thing? 30 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,168 No, but we do have some old shirt buttons. 31 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,753 They're kind of kooky and fun. 32 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:09,939 Missy, you just talked yourself 33 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,714 right out of a sale. 34 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,928 Hey, Lise, check it out, pogo stilts. 35 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:19,806 These were banned in all 50 states. 36 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:23,935 What happened? 37 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:26,563 Wow, an actual robot from the movie. 38 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:27,897 "Clank, Clank, You're Dead." 39 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:30,859 Think of how awful it would be 40 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,735 for the poor midget inside. 41 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:33,903 Oh, boo-hoo. 42 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,530 That's what they get paid for. 43 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,704 Oh, Homer, look! 44 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:45,123 A TV guide owned by Jackie O! 45 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,125 Oh, you should see the crossword puzzle. 46 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,794 She thought that Mindy lived with "Mark." 47 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,796 Give her a break. Her husband was killed. 48 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,840 Oh, I know. Wasn't that awful? 49 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,603 Hi, I'm John. Can I help you with anything? 50 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:58,428 Yes, I have something that I'd like to sell. 51 00:02:58,511 --> 00:02:59,846 Please tell me it's your hair. 52 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,974 No. It's an heirloom 53 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:04,434 my grandmother passed down to me, 54 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,437 a very rare old figurine from the Civil War. 55 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,165 Please don't construe our ownership of this 56 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,982 as an endorsement of slavery. 57 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,444 Well, see, here's the thing on this. 58 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,405 It's a Johnny Reb bottle, early 1970s. 59 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:19,532 One of the J&R Whiskey "Liquor Lads." 60 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,784 Two books of green stamps, if I'm not mistaken. 61 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,161 Oh, no. 62 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,496 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 63 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,249 It's a very, very old figurine. 64 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,335 No, it's a liquor bottle. 65 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:32,544 See? 66 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,051 Ah, that will make your bull run. 67 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,096 Well, I guess it'll always be a monument 68 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,307 to Grandma's secret drinking problem. 69 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:47,185 Okay, so maybe that thing's a hunk of junk, 70 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:48,895 but look at what you're selling. 71 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,731 50 bucks for a toy? No kid is worth that. 72 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:55,568 Oh, but this is the Rex Mars Atomic Discombobulator. 73 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,029 Don't you just love the graphics on this box? 74 00:03:58,112 --> 00:03:59,989 No. 75 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,659 How you can you love a box or a toy or graphics? 76 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,742 You're a grown man. 77 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:04,994 It's camp. 78 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,333 The tragically ludicrous? The ludicrously tragic? 79 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:13,169 Oh, yeah. Like when a clown dies. 80 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,629 Well, sort of... 81 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,048 But I mean more like inflatable furniture 82 00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:18,967 or "Last Supper" TV trays, 83 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:20,593 or even this bowling shirt. 84 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,804 Can you believe somebody gave this to Goodwill? 85 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,200 And that kind of stuff is worth money? 86 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,558 Boy, howdy. 87 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,644 Man, you should come over to our place. 88 00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:32,063 It's full of valuable, worthless crap. 89 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,856 Well, if you're inviting me over... 90 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,276 I practically insist. Shall we say 5:00? 91 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,527 The snacking hour? 92 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,655 My heart is palpitating. Woo-hoo! 93 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,325 Pimento nose and voila. 94 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,578 Mommy's patented happy-cracker snack platter. 95 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,255 Ding-dong. Classic. 96 00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,007 I mean, that says it all, doesn't it? 97 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:02,343 Oh, man, you weren't kidding about this place. 98 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,553 Well, I just love it. 99 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,971 Do I know you? 100 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:08,391 Oh, the color scheme and the rabbit ears. 101 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:09,684 And the 2.3 children. 102 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,644 I mean, where's the Hi-C? 103 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:12,895 Hi-C and fluffernutters. 104 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,316 And pearls on a little girl. 105 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,318 It's a fairy tale. 106 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,196 Oh, I've got the exact same curtains, 107 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,740 only in my bathroom. 108 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,742 Didn't you just die when you found these? 109 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,327 Not really. 110 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,997 They just had corn on them. Kitchen? Corn? 111 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,963 Why you little... 112 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:43,134 Aaah! Dad! Dad! Company! Company! 113 00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,011 Oh. I'll just be another minute, John. 114 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:46,095 Have a seat. 115 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,565 So do those records have camp value? 116 00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:59,359 Everything here does. 117 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,361 You yourself are worth a bundle, Homer. 118 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,071 Why, I could wrap a bow around you 119 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,864 and slap on a price tag. 120 00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,425 I love the night life I love to boogie. 121 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:09,077 Come on, Homer, join the party. 122 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,828 On the disco... 123 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,663 Mom, John loves Itchy and Scratchy 124 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,166 as much as we do... Maybe more. 125 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,210 Yeah, and he collects toy robots. 126 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,253 He is quite a charmer. 127 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,631 Your father's certainly taken a shine to him. 128 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,218 Oh, Homer, you are the living end. 129 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,640 That John is the greatest guy in the world. 130 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,243 We've got to have him and his wife over 131 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,684 for drinks sometime. 132 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:36,354 Mmm, I don't think he's married, Homer. 133 00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:39,440 Oh, a swinging bachelor, eh? 134 00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:42,485 Well, there's lots of foxy ladies out there. 135 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:45,321 Homer, didn't John seem a little... 136 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,198 festive to you? 137 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,283 Couldn't agree more. Happy as a clam. 138 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,661 He prefers the company of men. 139 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,121 Who doesn't? 140 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,665 Homer, listen carefully... 141 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,292 John is a ho-mo... 142 00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,377 Right. 143 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,087 ...sexual. 144 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,218 Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, 145 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,387 Oh, my God! I danced with a gay. 146 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,472 Marge, Lisa, promise me you won't tell anyone. 147 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,099 Promise me! 148 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,892 You're being ridiculous. 149 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,477 Am I, Marge? Am I? 150 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,812 Think of the property values. 151 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,147 Now we can never say 152 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,315 only straight people have been in this house. 153 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,317 I'm very sorry you feel that way, 154 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,945 because John invited us all out for a drive today, 155 00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:27,196 and we're going. 156 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,240 Whoa-ho-ho. Not me. 157 00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:32,076 And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak. 158 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,495 He should have the good taste to mince around 159 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,956 and let everyone know that he's that way. 160 00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:39,250 What on earth are you talking about? 161 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:40,793 You know me, Marge. 162 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,795 I like my beer cold, my TV loud, 163 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:46,466 and my homosexuals fa-laming. 164 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,765 Zzzapp! 165 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,437 Homer, at least come out and say hello. 166 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,813 - No. Nuh-uh. No. - Oh, come on. 167 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,524 - Oh, no. - You liked John this morning. 168 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,902 No! I am not setting foot outside this house 169 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,653 until that man is gone. 170 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,572 Oh! Dad, you are the living end. 171 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,748 Hey, where'd that cool, creepy Santa come from? 172 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,541 Japan. Except over there, they call him. 173 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,044 "Annual Gift-man" and he lives on the moon. 174 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,551 And that's where Kent Brockman 175 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,237 was caught cheating in the Springfield marathon. 176 00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,596 Whoa. 177 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,556 And there's where Lupe Velez 178 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,391 bought the toilet she drowned in. 179 00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:42,813 That was a killer tour, man. 180 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,440 I never realized how many celebrities 181 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,318 humiliated themselves right in our own backyard. 182 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,237 This is a sordid little burg, isn't it? 183 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,448 Makes me sick in a wonderful, wonderful way. 184 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,117 - John. - Oh... Waylon. 185 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,786 I'd like you to meet the Simpsons. 186 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,371 I know the Simpsons. 187 00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:00,706 So this is your sick mother? 188 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,000 Don't do this to me, Waylon. 189 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,757 How'd it go? 190 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,259 Tell me everything that happened. 191 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,135 He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he? 192 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,179 Oh, jeez, Louise! 193 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,032 You don't even know what you're worried about anymore. 194 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,600 John's a witty, urbane person. 195 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,269 Oh, and I'm not. 196 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:22,895 Hey, Dad, look what I got. 197 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:27,358 Zzzapp. Zzzapp. Zzzapp... Zzzapp... 198 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,742 Bart! Where'd you get that shirt? 199 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,619 I don't know. Came out of the closet. 200 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,208 I hope you all saved room, 201 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,085 because I made your favorite dessert. 202 00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:49,088 Store-bought snack cakes... Both kinds. 203 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,477 Homie, I can hear you chewing on your pillow. 204 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,895 What's wrong? 205 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:08,441 Marge, the boy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. 206 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,192 So? 207 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,129 There's only two kinds of guys who wear those shirts: 208 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,946 Gay guys and big, fat party animals. 209 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,783 And Bart doesn't look like a big, fat party animal to me. 210 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,953 So if you wore a Hawaiian shirt it wouldn't be gay? 211 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,913 Right. Thank you. 212 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,541 I hope you realize this is all your fault. 213 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,628 I mean, do you have to be so effeminate around the boy? 214 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,130 Homer, I don't think there's a problem with Bart 215 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:33,215 but if there is, it's probably because 216 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,259 you're not spending any time with him. 217 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:36,636 Good night. 218 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,771 All right, boy, come on. Today we're going to... 219 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,856 Or is it in his face? 220 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,233 Oh, no, it's just his charm. 221 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,943 Gonna what, Homer? 222 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,027 Oh, no that's... 223 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,240 And Helen Lovejoy, sure, she looks blonde, 224 00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,926 but I've heard cuffs and collar don't match, 225 00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,118 if you get my drift. 226 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,579 I don't, but I loved hearing it. 227 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,289 You! 228 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,540 I should have known. 229 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,917 Well, good morning, sunshine. 230 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,211 Homer, John brought us cactus candy. 231 00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:13,047 Look, John, you seem like a perfectly nice guy and all. 232 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,049 Just stay the hell away from my family. 233 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,635 Well, now you don't get any candy. 234 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:20,805 - No, that's cruel. Take a teensy piece. - No. 235 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:23,599 Homer, what have you got against gays? 236 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,602 You know. It's... It's not... usual. 237 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,562 If there was a law, it would be against it. 238 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,232 Oh, Homer, please... You're embarrassing yourself. 239 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,150 No, I'm not, Marge! 240 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:36,195 They're embarrassing me. They're embarrassing America. 241 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,572 They turned the navy into a floating joke. 242 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:42,410 They ruined all our best names, like Bruce and Lance and Julian. 243 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,412 Those were the toughest names we had. 244 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:47,164 Now they're just... uh... 245 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,625 - Queer? - Yeah, and that's another thing. 246 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,794 I resent you people using that word. 247 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,630 That's our word for making fun of you. 248 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,674 We need it. 249 00:11:56,757 --> 00:12:00,761 Well, I'm taking back our word, and I'm taking back my son. 250 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,555 Don't worry, boy. 251 00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:03,556 We're going to set you straight. 252 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,182 By tomorrow morning, 253 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,017 you'll be a regular Burt Reynolds. 254 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,353 What are you talking about, Homer? Where are we going? 255 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,647 Just a couple of good, old-fashioned manly places... 256 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,691 Father and son. 257 00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,401 You're leaving the arm there too long. 258 00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,611 You want to make it worse? 259 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,655 No! No! He'll know you're onto him. 260 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:20,906 Quick, shake his hand. 261 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,700 Just remember, son, 262 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:26,036 whatever happens I'll always love you. 263 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,120 As? As? 264 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,998 As a father. A father. 265 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,166 Regular father. 266 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,257 What am I supposed to do here? 267 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,009 Nothing. Just sit. I'll be back. 268 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,562 Well, it's been two hours. How do you feel? 269 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,190 I don't know. I kind of want a cigarette. 270 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,484 That's a good start. Let's get you a pack. 271 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:57,651 What's your brand? 272 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,695 Anything slim. 273 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,363 Okay, that didn't work. 274 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,532 But I know something that will. 275 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,662 Bart, I want you to shake hands with... 276 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,122 What's your name, fellow? 277 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,792 - Roscoe. - Roscoe, here, runs this mill. 278 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,126 He's going to show us around 279 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,753 and let you get a first-hand look 280 00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,964 at real, all-American Joes doing what they do best. 281 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,484 Why the hell would I want to see that? 282 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,384 You'll thank me on your wedding night. 283 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,434 Hey! Listen up! 284 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,270 I want all of youse to say hello to the Simpsons. 285 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,773 Hell-o-o. 286 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,360 Has the whole world gone insane? 287 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,821 Stand still. There's a spark in your hair. 288 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,239 Get it, get it! 289 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,701 Hot stuff coming through. 290 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,371 Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill? 291 00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:52,122 I don't know. 292 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,791 This is a nightmare! 293 00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,793 You're all sick! 294 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,711 Oh, be nice. 295 00:13:57,795 --> 00:14:00,422 Oh... My son doesn't stand a chance. 296 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,757 The whole world's gone gay! 297 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,344 Oh, my God, what's happening now? 298 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:07,721 We work hard, we play hard. 299 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,142 Everybody dance now. 300 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,276 Everybody dance now! 301 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:27,032 And the entire steel mill was gay. 302 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,534 Where you been, Homer? 303 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:30,578 Entire steel industry's gay. 304 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,163 Aerospace, too, and the railroads. 305 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:35,624 And you know what else? Broadway. 306 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,835 I always thought Bart would grow up 307 00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,503 to be just like us. 308 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,629 What happened? 309 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,590 Oh, it ain't no mystery. 310 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,385 Whole modern world's got a swishifying effect on kids today, 311 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,470 and their MTVs and their diet sodas 312 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,431 ain't going to set them straight neither. 313 00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,392 You got to do it yourself, Homer and you gotta do it fast. 314 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,603 What would turn Bart into a man fast? 315 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,770 You have to think for me. 316 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,522 Well, let's see now... 317 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,733 Time was, you'd send a boy off to war. 318 00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:02,401 Shooting a man would fix him right up, 319 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,111 but there's not even any wars no more 320 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:06,530 thank you very much, Warren Christopher. 321 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:09,491 Better yet, Bart could shoot a deer. 322 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,702 That's like shooting a beautiful man. 323 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:12,828 Hey, he's right, Homer. 324 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,747 After the boy bags a deer, 325 00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,999 all the diet sodas in the world won't turn him back. 326 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:18,542 Then you just sit back 327 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,502 and watch the grandkids roll in. 328 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,296 Hunting, eh? 329 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,600 Stand aside, Marge. 330 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,477 I'm taking the boy deer hunting. 331 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,729 He's going to grow up straight for once. 332 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,606 What? You never went hunting before, 333 00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,608 and you're perfectly straight. 334 00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,944 Oh, yeah? How long since you've had a baby? 335 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,904 But, Dad, it's barbaric. 336 00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,239 How does killing a deer make you more of a man? 337 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:51,158 It just does. Name me one gay Indian. 338 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,118 Uh-oh. Something's going to die. 339 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,411 Butt out, buttinsky. 340 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,330 What would you know about hunting? 341 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,099 I know this much. I wouldn't wear that hideous hat. 342 00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,500 Here. Take this one. 343 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,543 It was worn by Yale Summers in "Daktari." 344 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,545 Hang on to it, toy-boy you might need it 345 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,090 when it starts raining naked ladies. 346 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:12,471 Today you're going to be a man, Bart. 347 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,390 You guys going to teach me to drive? 348 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:17,434 Oh, yeah. Let a twinkle-toes drive Betsy. Right. 349 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:19,687 No, boy. 350 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,563 You can't drive. You're only ten. 351 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,732 You're going hunting. 352 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,068 You ever been hunting before, there, Barty? 353 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,736 Nope. Something about a bunch of guys 354 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,280 alone together in the woods... 355 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,364 Seems kind of gay. 356 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,869 That is a very immature attitude, young man. 357 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,874 Remember, guys, the truck only holds six carcasses, 358 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,043 so don't shoot nothing but trophy bucks, huh? 359 00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:56,640 Aw, we should have just stayed at the bar 360 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,600 and shot some rats. 361 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,103 Hey, those ain't your rats, Barn. 362 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,938 Well, Homie, you ready to call it quits? 363 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,898 Oh, but... Wait a minute. 364 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,151 Bart's not fixed yet. He hasn't even... 365 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:09,069 Homer... 366 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,870 Come on, don't take it so hard, Homer. 367 00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:19,455 You still got that other kid... 368 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,540 Uh... Lisa. 369 00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:23,101 Let's, uh, take her out hunting tomorrow, 370 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,668 make her into a man. 371 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,919 Aw, she'd never go. 372 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,838 She's a vegetarian. 373 00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:31,925 Oh, jeez! Homer, jeez! 374 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,053 You and Marge ain't cousins, are you? 375 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:37,473 No. This whole thing is my fault. 376 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,850 I've been a lousy Dad. 377 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,105 Cheer up, Homer. 378 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,589 Christmas is coming early this year. 379 00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:58,577 Did he say where were they going? 380 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,871 No. They were just going to find a deer 381 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,581 and make Bart shoot it. 382 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,625 Deer? Ha! Not around here. 383 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,126 They all migrated north 384 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,128 when the state park converted to astroturf. 385 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,671 But if there's no deer out there 386 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,381 then what are they hunting? 387 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:14,051 The only thing around here that's even close to deer is... 388 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:24,728 Hey, boy, wake up. 389 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,605 Your old man found some deer. 390 00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:28,524 Huh? You did? 391 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,487 Wait, man, those are reindeer. 392 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,615 Yeah. And it's your shot, son. 393 00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:39,535 What? I'm not going to shoot a reindeer in a pen. 394 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,703 Come on, Bart. 395 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,705 Be a sport and kill Blitzen, okay? 396 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,124 Dad! 397 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,085 Aw, criminy, here come the waterworks. 398 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,711 Bart, I'm going to turn my back, 399 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,421 and when I turn around, I want to see 400 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:54,133 a whole pile of dead reindeer! 401 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,972 That a way, son! 402 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,141 You made your old man proud. 403 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,475 I didn't do anything. 404 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:06,145 Hey, they're going nuts 405 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,105 like in those nature films! 406 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,606 Ah, must be mating season. 407 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,701 Dad, I'm scared. 408 00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:21,952 Me, too, son. 409 00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:26,748 No, don't. 410 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,208 You have to protect yourself! 411 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:31,545 Son, there comes a time in every father's life 412 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:32,628 when he must... 413 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,759 Dad, are you hurt? 414 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:41,388 Just my bones and organs. 415 00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,738 What the... 416 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,743 Bart, look! It's Santa Claus! 417 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,165 Whoa! It's Santa, all right, 418 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:09,791 and he is kicking ass! 419 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,797 It's a miracle! 420 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,424 No... Ultrasuede is a miracle. 421 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:18,550 This is just good timing. 422 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,890 Oh, Homie, I'm so glad you're safe. 423 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:27,851 Hmm, you feel softer than before. 424 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,561 I've been tenderized. 425 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,080 How'd you know that thing would work? 426 00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:33,106 Well, the sound is just brutal, 427 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,959 and I figured reindeer would naturally be afraid 428 00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:37,152 of their cruel master, Santa Claus. 429 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,488 I mean, wouldn't you be? Ha! 430 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:43,659 Is it okay to come out now, Mr. Gay Man, sir? 431 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,662 I'll do anything you say. Anything. 432 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:51,917 Aw, Moe, we were saved by a sissy. 433 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,211 Yeah, yeah. We'll never live it down. 434 00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:57,631 Oh, boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me. 435 00:20:57,714 --> 00:20:59,383 Hey! We owe this guy, 436 00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:02,511 and I don't want you calling him a sissy. 437 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,930 This guy's a fruit, 438 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:07,474 and a... No, wait, wait, wait. 439 00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:09,101 Queer, queer, queer. 440 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:10,745 That's what you like to be called, right? 441 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:12,562 Well, that or John. 442 00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,231 This is about as tolerant as Dad gets, 443 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,607 so you should be flattered. 444 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:16,817 Great! 445 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,735 Well, Homer, I won your respect 446 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,946 and all I had to do was save your life. 447 00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:23,532 Now, if every gay man could just do the same, 448 00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:24,783 you'd be set. 449 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,034 Amen to that. 450 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,581 You know, Bart, 451 00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,792 maybe it's just the concussion talking, 452 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:36,336 but any way you choose to live your life 453 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,088 is okay with me. 454 00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:41,466 He thinks you're gay. 455 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,135 He thinks I'm gay? 456 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,681 Everybody dance now. 457 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:06,241 Here is the dome back with the bass. 458 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,660 The jam is live in effect and I don't waste time. 459 00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,662 On the mike with a dope rhyme. 460 00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:12,998 Jump to the rhythm, jump, Jump to the rhythm, jump. 461 00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:15,000 And I'm here to combine beats and lyrics. 462 00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:17,377 To make you shake your pants, take a chance. 463 00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:19,504 Come on and dance, guys, grab a girl. 464 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,423 Don't wait, make her twirl. 465 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,175 It's your world and I'm just a squirrel. 466 00:22:23,258 --> 00:22:25,218 Trying to get a nut to move your butt. 467 00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:27,387 To the dance floor so yo, what's up? 468 00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,431 Hands in the air, come on, say yeah. 469 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:31,433 Everybody over here, everybody over there. 470 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:34,102 The crowd is live and I pursue this groove. 471 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,063 Party people in the house, move! 472 00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:47,866 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.