1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 The Simpsons. 2 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,321 Uh, why do they have to put all this crud 3 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,823 in my newspaper? 4 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:35,785 "World," "The Arts," "Religion." 5 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,662 A-ha! Here it is. 6 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:38,913 "Kickin' Back!" 7 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,542 Hey, who cut something out of my paper? 8 00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:43,960 Not me. 9 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,628 Not me. I'm more of a mail-tamperer. 10 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,338 Well, don't look at me, 11 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,142 just because I'm holding a pair of scissors. 12 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,844 Scissors, which I need to, uh, to... 13 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,555 gussy up these curtains. 14 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,351 Hello. 15 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,895 Oh, hi, Lenny. 16 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:04,689 No, why would I need a ride this afternoon? 17 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:09,069 Where?! 18 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,529 To the big annual what?! 19 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,033 Lenny? Aw, well, if it was big and annual 20 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:18,036 I'm sure they'd have mentioned it in the newspaper. 21 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:24,501 Yeah, it's a lazy, dog-dangling afternoon. 22 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:28,046 But something's a little off. 23 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,090 Hey, Marge, you don't smoke. 24 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,509 Well, I just felt like filling the house 25 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,512 with the rich, satisfying smell of tobacco. 26 00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:40,058 You're nuts. 27 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,261 I got to get some fresh air. 28 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,938 - No, Homie, wait. - What's wrong with you? 29 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,856 What are you trying to hide from me? 30 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,566 What's that smell? 31 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:53,113 Onions... chili powder... cumin... juicy ground chuck! 32 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,864 It's chili! Oh, my God! 33 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,616 I'm missing the chili cook-off! 34 00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,493 I'm missing the cook-off. 35 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:00,256 It's going on right now and I'm missing it. 36 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,664 All right, I was trying to keep it from you, 37 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:05,083 but I had a good reason. 38 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,501 Every time you go to that cook-off 39 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:08,211 you get drunk as a poet on payday. 40 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,546 Remember last year? 41 00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,841 Look at me. 42 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:16,803 I'm a puffy pink cloud. 43 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,139 Yee-hee-hee-ha-ha! 44 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,850 Oh, well, of course 45 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,644 everything looks bad if you remember it. 46 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:26,771 Now, where are my chili boots? 47 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,486 Okay, we'll go to the chili cook-off. 48 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,072 But I want you to promise me you won't have any beer. 49 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,700 Okay, quit nagging me. I won't have any beer. 50 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,719 Geez, why don't you have a cigarette or something? 51 00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:43,705 Mm, I suppose I could. 52 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:51,880 I'm gonna go get some vegetarian chili 53 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,673 before they get desperate and add meat. 54 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:54,942 I'm gonna go claim some valuables 55 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,259 at the lost and found. 56 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:59,554 Ooh, look at that adorable spice rack. 57 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,514 Eight spices? 58 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,516 Oh, some must be doubles. 59 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,935 "Oregano"? What the hell... 60 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,730 Marge, we're missing the chili. 61 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,773 Less artsy, more fartsy. 62 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,775 Homer, I happen to like handicrafts 63 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,903 much more than stuffing my face. 64 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,613 Fine. I'll come find you 65 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,573 when I'm ready to stop having fun. 66 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,159 Remember your promise... No drinking. 67 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:25,038 Stupor pooper. 68 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,336 Howdy, howdy, Marge and Hom... 69 00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:32,962 Oh, my mistake. 70 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,589 Homer's not even with you. 71 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:38,426 Probably just knocking back a few "refreshments." 72 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,386 Thank you for your concern, Helen. 73 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,055 Homer isn't drinking today. 74 00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,682 Oh, I think it's lovely that he said that 75 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,643 and that you believed him. 76 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:50,146 Now, Helen, let us not glory in Homer's binge-drinking. 77 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,900 There but for the grace of God goes Marge herself. 78 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,331 Ooh, man, he's here... 79 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,000 The dude with the fireproof stomach. 80 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,630 Whoa! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! 81 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:18,258 They say he carved it himself 82 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,759 from a bigger spoon. 83 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:24,889 Five-alarm chili, eh? 84 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,144 One... two... 85 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,438 Hey, what's the big idea? 86 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,023 Oh, I admit it. 87 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,859 It's only two-alarm, two-and-a-half, tops. 88 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,862 I just wanted to be a big man in front of the kids. 89 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,615 Daddy, are you going to jail? 90 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,201 We'll see, son. We'll see. 91 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,749 Evenin', little lady. 92 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,752 Do you reckon a square could get a dance? 93 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,422 Oh... it looks so complicated. 94 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,382 Do you know how? 95 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:03,886 Ma'am, I wouldn't honk the honk if I couldn't tonk the tonk. 96 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,182 Woo-woo! 97 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,272 A bland, timid entry 98 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:17,191 suitable, perhaps, for patients recovering from surgery. 99 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:21,029 That Simpson, 100 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,406 he thinks he's the pope of chili town. 101 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,451 Well, this year I am ready for him. 102 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,666 Hello, Chief. 103 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,669 Afternoon, Homer. 104 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,880 Care for some chili? 105 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:43,176 I've added an extra ingredient just for you... 106 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:47,013 The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! 107 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,143 Grown deep in the jungle primeval 108 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:56,397 by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum. 109 00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,276 Uh, Wiggy? My chili's getting cold. 110 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,832 Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! 111 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,631 Oh, my tongue is burning up! 112 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,257 Beer! Baby needs a beer! 113 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,759 Homer! 114 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:26,636 You promised you wouldn't drink. 115 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,846 But I need it! 116 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,184 Yeah. 117 00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,685 Oh, lousy Wiggum. 118 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:37,730 Now the whole town thinks I'm a chili wuss. 119 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,608 Wait, Mister. You're drinking a candle. 120 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,903 You don't want to get wax in your mouth, do you? 121 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:45,988 Maybe I do, son. 122 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,741 Maybe I do. 123 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,997 Outstanding. 124 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,876 Hey, everybody, look who's back. 125 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,422 It's the big baby! 126 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,382 Oh, this porridge is too hot. 127 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:05,633 Oh, waa-waa-waa! 128 00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:08,594 Want some more, do you? 129 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,972 Well, sure. Heck, it's not my job 130 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:13,141 to talk people out of killing themselves. 131 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,815 More, please. 132 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,613 Good Lord, this can't be happening. 133 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,240 By all medical logic 134 00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,242 steam should be shooting out of his ears. 135 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:32,535 His ears if we're lucky. 136 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:39,792 Well, Chief, don't quit your day job... 137 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,837 Whatever that is. 138 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,426 My finest hour... 139 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,970 and Marge wasn't even here to see it. 140 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:59,145 Ooh, I don't feel so good. 141 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:06,444 Flanders, you've got to help me. 142 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,446 Sure, buddy. I'd be happy to help out. 143 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,198 What can I do... diddly do... 144 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:13,784 diddily-doodily-diddily-hoobily- hobbily-hibbily-gooble-gobble... 145 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,244 gooble gabba-gabba-hey? 146 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,294 Goo-goo-ga-joob? 147 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:24,712 Haw! Haw! 148 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,297 Haw haw! 149 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,101 Mister, do you need some help? 150 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,728 Let him go, Ralph. 151 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:41,854 He knows what he's doing. 152 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,245 What's happening to me? 153 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,829 Okay, retrace your steps. 154 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:01,666 Woke up, fought with Marge, 155 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,418 ate Guatemalan insanity peppers. 156 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:08,047 Then I... Ohh. 157 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,216 Where am I? Shelbyville? 158 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,263 Man, this is crazy. 159 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,807 I hope I didn't brain my damage. 160 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,684 I better check my pupils. 161 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:34,073 Oh... kay. 162 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:37,201 I think I'm gonna be leaving now. 163 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,631 Sunrise, sunset... 164 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,800 Sunrise, sunset... 165 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,303 Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset, 166 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,929 sunrise, sunset, sunrise... 167 00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:02,351 Note to self: Stop doing anything. 168 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,606 Has anyone seen Homer? 169 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,190 Marge, better you hear it from me 170 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,942 than some gossipy neighbor. 171 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,944 Homer made a total jackass of himself. 172 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,780 Oh, Helen, that's enough. Call off your dogs. 173 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,741 But someone had to tell her. 174 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,117 And I got here first. 175 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,703 - Helen, zip it. - Oh please. Tim. 176 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,955 Zip it. Ziparoo. 177 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,248 No beer, huh? 178 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:29,837 I guess I know what a promise from Homer J. Simpson is worth. 179 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,638 Hey, buddy, get back there with the other rocks. 180 00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,808 A tortoise? 181 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,186 "Follow... the..." 182 00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:47,355 This must be why I'm here! 183 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,398 Follow the what? Follow the what? 184 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,400 Hurry up! 185 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,988 Get moving you stupid... 186 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:59,867 When I'm kicking you, that means hurry up. 187 00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,952 Come on. 188 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,051 Oh, you want me to climb that, huh? 189 00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:19,136 No problemo. 190 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,811 This is 'cause I kicked you, isn't it? 191 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,984 Lis, check it out. 192 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,320 I saw it, Bart. 193 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:37,863 You're just mad 194 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:38,965 'cause there's no clock in your hat. 195 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,491 What hat? 196 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:43,285 Ah, this baby's wasted on an idiot like you. 197 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,912 Where's Homer? 198 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,431 Your father decided that he'd rather come home 199 00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:49,375 in a taxi... or a police car. 200 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,299 Marge, thank God you're here. 201 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,467 Where's the car? 202 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,971 Marge? Marge? 203 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,639 Oh, now what? 204 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:07,143 If you're still mad at me, I'm gonna be really mad. 205 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:08,644 Come on, Marge, will you...? 206 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,480 Fight fair. I never do this to you. 207 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,107 Talk to me! 208 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,826 Oh, I hate this place. 209 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,745 Why am I here? 210 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:28,205 You are on a quest for knowledge. 211 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,289 Who said that? 212 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:40,468 Fear not, Homer. 213 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,136 I am your spirit guide. 214 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,304 Hiya. 215 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,306 There is a lesson you must learn. 216 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:47,725 If it's about laying off the insanity peppers 217 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:48,808 I'm way ahead of you. 218 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,020 No, I speak of a deeper wisdom. 219 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,022 The problem, Homer, 220 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,357 is that the mind is always chattering away 221 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,651 with a thousand thoughts at once. 222 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,862 Yeah, that's me all right. 223 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:06,160 Clarity is the path to inner peace. 224 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:08,454 Well, what should I do? Should I meditate? 225 00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,748 Should I get rid of all my possessions? 226 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:13,125 Are you kidding?! 227 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,503 If anything, you should get more possessions. 228 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,296 You don't even have a computer. 229 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:20,925 You know, I have been meaning to take a spiritual journey 230 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:22,301 and I... 231 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,679 Hey, knock it off! 232 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,598 Sorry. 233 00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,350 I am a coyote. 234 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,018 Look, just give me some inner peace 235 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,520 or I'll mop the floor with you. 236 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,564 Good. Your mind is in a state of readiness. 237 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,316 So listen well. 238 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,819 To make yourself complete, 239 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,487 you must find your soul mate. 240 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,988 Soul mate? 241 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,241 Your kindred spirit. 242 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,701 The one with whom you share an unspoken bond, 243 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,496 a profound mystical understanding. 244 00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,414 That's it? 245 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,333 Well, that's Marge. Big deal. 246 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:57,169 Great spiritual quest, Wolfie. 247 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,505 My soul mate is Marge. 248 00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,257 Is it? 249 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,807 Hey wait. Come back. 250 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,270 Oh! A ghost train! 251 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,397 And so little time to get out of the way. 252 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,480 Now less... 253 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,108 Now none! 254 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,655 Hey, get off the course, you bum! 255 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,156 Security. 256 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:30,119 Wha... Golf course? 257 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,746 Did I dream that whole thing? 258 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,833 Maybe the desert was just a sand trap. 259 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:37,293 Oh, and I bet 260 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:40,963 that crazy pyramid was just the Pro Shop. 261 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,174 And that talking coyote was really just a talking dog. 262 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,634 Hi, Homer. Find your soul mate. 263 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,136 Hey, wait a minute. 264 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,430 There's no such thing as a talking dog. 265 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,266 Damn straight. 266 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:54,059 So then I says to Mabel, I says... 267 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,227 Hi, kids. 268 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,511 I'll finish this later. Hi Dad. 269 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,731 - Where is your mother? - Out back. 270 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,900 So anyway, I says to Mabel, I says... 271 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,026 Hi, honey. 272 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,947 Oh, I guess you're cranky 273 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,450 because I didn't come home last night. 274 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:12,453 I'm "cranky" because my husband got drunk 275 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:15,414 and humiliated me in front of the entire town. 276 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:18,334 You broke your promise, Homer. 277 00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,419 Oh, honey, I didn't get drunk. 278 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:23,047 I just went to a strange fantasy world. 279 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,965 Come on, you got to believe me. 280 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,216 You're my soul mate. 281 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,260 Don't "soul mate" me! 282 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,887 Okay. 283 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:35,684 That coyote said my soul mate would understand me 284 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,145 but Marge doesn't understand me at all. 285 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,855 Maybe we're not kindred spirits. 286 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,859 We don't have anything in common. 287 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,487 Look at these records. 288 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,657 Jim Nabors, Glen Campbell, The Doodletown Pipers. 289 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,533 Now look at her records. 290 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,452 They stink! 291 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:57,039 Oh. Maybe I had that crazy dream for a reason. 292 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:03,170 Wherever my soul mate is, it's not here. 293 00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:14,723 I always just figured my wife was my soul mate, 294 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,351 but if it's not Marge, then who is it? 295 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,061 Where do I begin looking? 296 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,729 This really goes beyond my training 297 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,564 as a furniture salesman, sir. 298 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,149 Now, if you don't want the sofa 299 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,609 I'll have to ask you to leave. 300 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:32,157 Hey, Barney, soul mate, let me buy you a beer. 301 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,410 Okay, but I'm not your soul mate. 302 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,328 I'm really more of a chum. 303 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,288 - What about you, Lenny? - I'm a crony. 304 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,873 - Carl? - I'd say acquaintance. 305 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,500 - Colleague. - Sympathizer. 306 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:42,583 - Compadre. - Associate. 307 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:43,711 Contemporary. 308 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,129 I'm a well-wisher 309 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:47,881 in that I don't wish you any specific harm. 310 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,512 Hello? Is this, uh... 311 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:54,847 G.B.M.? 312 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,891 Uh, yeah. I read in the personals 313 00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,518 you were seeking a soul mate. 314 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:02,563 Well, I also like rainy days and movies. 315 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:09,778 Uh... no... I don't like that... 316 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,572 or that. 317 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:12,906 No, it's not that I'm afraid. 318 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,034 I'm gonna hang up now. Bye-bye. 319 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,744 Oh... I give up. 320 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,121 Find your soul mate, Homer. 321 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,706 Find your soul mate. 322 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:21,789 Where? Where? 323 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,751 This is just your memory. 324 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,837 I can't give you any new information. 325 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:37,931 I learned the truth at 17. 326 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:41,810 That love was meant for beauty queens. 327 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,313 And high school girls. 328 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,066 With clear-skin smiles. 329 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,319 Who married young and then retired. 330 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:57,409 The valentines I never knew. 331 00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:01,663 The Friday night charades of you. 332 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,042 Were spent on one more beautiful... 333 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,214 What's that blinking light? 334 00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:13,092 The lighthouse keeper. 335 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,345 The loneliest man in the world. 336 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:17,846 He'll understand me. 337 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:27,606 Earl. 338 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,650 My new friend's name is Earl. 339 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:31,610 Here I come, buddy! 340 00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:34,321 No more loneliness for Homer and Earl. 341 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,868 A machine? 342 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,246 Earl's a machine? 343 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:45,624 Oh, that's just perfect. 344 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:49,253 Homer's desperate search for a soul mate has yielded 345 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:51,505 a lighthouse-keeping robot. 346 00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:53,132 Oh, wow. 347 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,510 Hey, look, is that Dad? 348 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,638 Either that or Batman's really let himself go. 349 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,515 Alone. 350 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,100 Oh, I'm alone. 351 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,310 I'm a lonely, insignificant speck 352 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,814 on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun. 353 00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,192 A ship. 354 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,652 A ship with people. 355 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,654 I know. I'll bring them to me. 356 00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,739 And then they'll have to be my friends. 357 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,702 Come here, people. 358 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,790 Arr, matey. 359 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:29,293 Nary a warning light to be seen. 360 00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:32,129 'Tis clear sailing ahead for our precious cargo. 361 00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:34,756 Uh... would that be the hot pants, sir? 362 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,508 Aye, the hot pants. 363 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,762 Well, I won't be lonely for long. 364 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:49,188 Huh? Who's there? 365 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,524 Oh, Homer, thank goodness you're safe. 366 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,109 - Marge? - I woke up, 367 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,320 and you weren't there, and I was so worried. 368 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,905 Really? You were? 369 00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,282 But how did you find me? 370 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,910 Well... I was sure you'd be on foot 371 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,244 because you always say 372 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,747 public transportation is for losers, 373 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,665 and I was sure you'd head west 374 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,627 because Springfield slopes down that way, 375 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,545 and then I saw the lighthouse, 376 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,840 and I remembered how you love blinking lights... 377 00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,926 Like the one on the waffle iron. 378 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:22,137 Or that little guy on the "don't walk" sign. 379 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,764 - Yeah. - Wow, Marge, 380 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,599 you really do understand me. 381 00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:27,768 See, I thought we weren't soul mates because... 382 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,019 We had a fight? 383 00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:30,854 Right, and we don't like the same things. 384 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:33,124 - It's like you're from Venus... - And you're from Mars. 385 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,859 Oh sure, give me the one with all the monsters. 386 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,861 Homer, don't you see? 387 00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,489 Our differences are only skin deep. 388 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:44,117 But our sames go right down to the bone. 389 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,494 Maybe we do have... 390 00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:48,330 A profound mystical understanding? 391 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,499 Hey. We do! 392 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,960 Oh, Marge! 393 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:55,712 We're number one! We're number one! 394 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,006 In your face, space coyote. 395 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,299 Space coyote? 396 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,051 Oh, my God! 397 00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:03,595 - The ship! - We'll all be killed! 398 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:04,846 The light. 399 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,170 We got to get the light back on. 400 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,066 Jonathan Livingston Seagull! 401 00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:17,567 We're on a collision course! 402 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:18,735 Hard a-starboard! 403 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:19,820 Uh, port? 404 00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:21,697 Aye, port. 405 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,782 They see us. 406 00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:26,243 They're starting to turn. 407 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:27,911 We did it. 408 00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:29,830 We sure did... 409 00:21:29,913 --> 00:21:31,790 soul mate. 410 00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:44,428 Look at all them hot pants. 411 00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:46,013 Hey, who likes short shorts? 412 00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:48,598 We like short shorts! 413 00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:52,436 Who wears short shorts? 414 00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,939 We wear short shorts. 415 00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,776 They're such short shorts. 416 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:03,822 We like short shorts. 417 00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:07,451 Who wears short shorts? 418 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:11,455 We wear short shorts. 419 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:36,813 Who wears short shorts... 420 00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:47,532 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.