1
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,673
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:39,706
Oh, yeah.

3
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,881
I have it going on.

4
00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,638
Ho-ho! Let the good times roll.

5
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,775
Good Lord! The rod up that man's butt

6
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,735
butt must have a rod up its butt.

7
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,278
Oh, Superintendent Chalmers,

8
00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:12,655
can I offer you a cup of
coffee-flavored Bevarine?

9
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,075
Yeah. I take it gray, with Creamium.

10
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,077
But first, before Skinner shows up,

11
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,787
I have a secret announcement.

12
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,581
In honor of Seymour's 20th year
as principal,

13
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:24,709
we've decided to hold a surprise
tribute Friday night.

14
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,587
It's my 20th year, too.

15
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:30,673
The teachers' lounge
is for teachers, Willie.

16
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,344
And for the tribute,

17
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,554
I need a volunteer
to present an oral report...

18
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,556
on Principal Skinner's life.

19
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,850
Miss Hoover, which one is "oral"?

20
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,644
Out of your mouth, Ralph.

21
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,521
Volunteers.

22
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,942
- Thank you, Lisa.
- Uh, no, Miss Hoover. I'm Ralph.

23
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:51,319
I only need one volunteer, Ralph.

24
00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,988
Miss Hoover, which one is "one"?

25
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,990
Ralph and I could do the report together.

26
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,409
- It's your funeral.
- Miss Hoover.

27
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,957
Bart, why are you doing that?

28
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,251
Our class is making refreshments
for Skinner's party.

29
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,794
These are in honor of his army days.

30
00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:09,796
Oh, that explains the flags.

31
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,506
What about the dog food?

32
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:14,384
My theory is... Skinner likes dog food.

33
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,761
Let's bake him a cake.

34
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:19,973
Ooh! A fresh batch of America balls!

35
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:29,983
Seymour, tell me
what time it is, now!

36
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,985
Seven o'clock, Friday night, Mother.

37
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,903
Time for our weekly silhouette.

38
00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:37,991
No! Cutting out your ugly nose
gives me a hand cramp!

39
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,868
Oh, but you love silhouette night.

40
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,120
And then we go through your bird book

41
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,997
and make up silly captions...

42
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,832
Mother, why are you all dressed up?

43
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,793
I'm sick of this house,
and I'm sick of you!

44
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,503
Tonight we're going for a drive.

45
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,423
Mmm, what's so special about tonight?

46
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,217
Nothing! Now put on your
special suit and get in the car!

47
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,302
Yes, Mother.

48
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,681
Why are we stopping at my school, Mother?

49
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,767
- What does it say on that sign?
- I don't like your tone!

50
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,396
Surprise!

51
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,609
Happy anniversary, son.

52
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,819
Oh, Mother.

53
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:17,197
You are still the master of deception.

54
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,449
- I surely am.
- Ah.

55
00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:24,370
"So, in 1966, a brave young man
named Seymour Skinner...

56
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,265
enlisted and shipped
and shipped out to Vietnam,

57
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,958
where he rose to become platoon sergeant."

58
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,002
- Ralph.
- Principal Skinner is an old man

59
00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:32,462
who lives at the school.

60
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,089
- Lisa.
- "Sergeant Skinner was a hero.

61
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:38,468
He risked capture many times
behind enemy lines."

62
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:42,222
Teacher made me go to Principal
Skinner's office when I was dirty.

63
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:45,475
"And he survived
to make it back to Springfield

64
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,561
where he became the fine educator
we salute tonight."

65
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:53,358
When I grow up, I wanna be
a principal or a caterpillar.

66
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,276
I love you, Principal Skinner.

67
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,239
They call him Skinner.

68
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,657
Skinner.

69
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:04,035
Faster than lightning.

70
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,412
No one you see.

71
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,374
Is stricter than he...

72
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,171
"Tribute to Seymour Skinner."

73
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,381
Pull over, driver.

74
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:20,677
Now, I know the school normally
serves cake only on Thursdays.

75
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:24,347
And I'm also well aware
that today is Friday.

76
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,766
Nevertheless, I have a surprise for you.

77
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:30,270
I hope you all brought forks and plates.

78
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:42,031
Ooh! What the...

79
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,992
An enjoyment buzzer.

80
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,871
Oh, thank you. What a wonderful night...

81
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,959
to share with the people
and the town that I love.

82
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:57,046
I have never been happier or prouder
to be Seymour Skinner.

83
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,048
You're not Seymour Skinner.

84
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,552
- Skinner!
- Skinner?

85
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:06,639
- I'm Skinner.
- Seymour?

86
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,309
- Mother!
- She's my mother!

87
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,396
Will someone remove
that crazy man, please?

88
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,815
No. No. He's...

89
00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:18,151
He's not crazy. It's true.

90
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,903
I'm...

91
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:24,782
I... I'm... an impostor.

92
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:29,871
That man is the real Seymour Skinner.

93
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:35,918
Keep looking shocked

94
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,005
and move slowly towards the cake.

95
00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:47,180
Now, let's clear this up.
Who exactly are you?

96
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:50,558
Sergeant Seymour Skinner, U.S. Army.

97
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:53,061
It's true. I was in his platoon.

98
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:56,230
But they said you were killed
on that scouting mission.

99
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,482
No, just captured.

100
00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:59,984
It's kind of a funny story, really.

101
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,612
After five years in a secret P.O.W. camp,

102
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,989
I was sold to China for slave labor.

103
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,076
And since '77, I've been
making sneakers at gunpoint

104
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,869
in a sweatshop in Wuhan.

105
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,205
That's not a funny story.

106
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,415
Well, I guess you had to be there.

107
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,335
Anyhow, the U.N.
shut the factory down last week

108
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,088
and the embassy shipped
me home, and here I am.

109
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:24,133
So what's your story, Seymour,
if that is your real name?

110
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,052
Well, obviously it isn't.

111
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:29,764
My real name is Armin Tamzarian.

112
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,312
I'm an orphan from Capitol City,
and those who recall my fight

113
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,689
to outlaw teenage rudeness
may be shocked to learn

114
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:41,943
that I, myself, was once a street punk.

115
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:48,449
Oh, yeah.

116
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,219
The way I was headed,
it was just a matter of time

117
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,745
before I wound up in front of a judge.

118
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,705
What the-

119
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,418
They gave me a choice.

120
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:04,924
Jail, the army, or apologizing
to the judge and the old lady.

121
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,634
Of course, if I'd known there was a war

122
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,970
going on, I probably would've apologized.

123
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,150
OK, who wants a piece of me?

124
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,279
You trying to get
yourself killed, Tamzarian?

125
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:29,615
You've got your whole life ahead of you.
Don't you have any dreams?

126
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,784
My dreams all involve combing my hair.

127
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:35,121
Oh, gosh, son. Everybody's got dreams.

128
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:37,540
I come from a town called Springfield.

129
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:38,916
And my dream is to go back

130
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,377
and become principal
of the elementary school.

131
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:45,715
Some people might call that
a pretty corny dream, uh, Sergeant.

132
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:50,803
Well, there's nothing corny about
fresh-faced youngsters skipping to school,

133
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,014
scraping knees and spelling bees

134
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:56,851
and pies cooling softly
on the windowsill.

135
00:07:56,934 --> 00:08:00,813
Well, sir, if that's corny,
then corn me up.

136
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,274
Sergeant Skinner
took me under his wing

137
00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,401
and showed me that life was worth living.

138
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:09,238
I came to think of him
as the big brother I never had.

139
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,241
He made me believe
I might have a future after all.

140
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,245
Come on!

141
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,877
And when they told us
he was missing,

142
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,130
presumed dead, my future died once again.

143
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:29,050
My life lost all meaning.

144
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:34,305
Come on! Get to the part
where you steal his identity.

145
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:37,725
I'm trying to explain
how emotionally fragile I was.

146
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,436
Oh, it's one of those stories.

147
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,272
Sergeant Skinner meant the world to me.

148
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:47,735
And I... I felt it was my duty
to deliver the grim news to his mother.

149
00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:59,789
Hello. I'm, uh... I'm...

150
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:03,042
Seymour, is that you?

151
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,461
I don't know why I did
what I did.

152
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,130
I guess I couldn't bear
to tell her about her son.

153
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:12,051
What I did was wrong,
but... I'd do it again.

154
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:14,554
Yes, Mother, it's me.

155
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,974
You look different somehow.

156
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:22,061
But you must be Seymour.
Yes. You are Seymour.

157
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,189
As strange as it sounds,

158
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,233
deep down, I think she knew
I wasn't her son,

159
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:31,571
but the lie made us both happier
than the truth ever could have.

160
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:36,158
You can have some lima beans
as soon as you've cleaned your room.

161
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:39,787
Go! Upstairs, third door on the left.

162
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,540
Don't walk on the rugs!

163
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,166
Yes, Mother.

164
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,838
Don't judge her too harshly, Sergeant.
She was a lonely old woman.

165
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:52,758
If you must blame someone, blame me.

166
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:56,387
Well, that's pretty much
what I was planning to do there, Armin.

167
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:59,265
Well, that's about it.
And so, for the past 26 years,

168
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:02,935
I've dedicated myself
to living out your dream.

169
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,062
I didn't dream anything about an aqua suit

170
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,441
or a lavender shirt,
but you did take care of Mom.

171
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:11,861
A dagger! A dagger through my heart!

172
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,614
- Oh, here, Mother. Let me help you.
- Get your hands off me!

173
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,824
- Please, Mom.
- You too, stranger!

174
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:20,286
- I'm your son.
- I have no son.

175
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:23,623
Look, lady, you obviously
have at least one son.

176
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:28,044
No! I have one stranger and one fraud.

177
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,380
- Take it easy, Mom.
- I said, back off!

178
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,591
You better do as she says.
She's quick with a hatpin.

179
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:38,554
Uh, well, hey, I suppose
I'll have to find a hotel.

180
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,683
I won't hear of it. Tonight you can sleep
on the floor of your office.

181
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:46,646
Hey, Armin.

182
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,816
Miss Krabappel sent me.

183
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,902
I forged my dad's signature
on my report card.

184
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,321
Oh, now, Bart, you know that's wrong.

185
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:57,615
I don't see how me signing
Homer's name is any different

186
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,325
from you using Sergeant Skinner's name.

187
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:03,537
I guess me punishing you
would be somewhat hypocritical.

188
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,040
Why don't you just write a 30-word essay
on what you've done?

189
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:08,459
Hey, hey, hey.
Easy there, you big impostor.

190
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,966
So, uh, um,
should I sign my original name?

191
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,470
Just put an "X," then call yourself
whatever the hell you want.

192
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:21,514
Well, now, there's no need for profanity.

193
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:22,597
My name may have changed,

194
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,934
but I'm still the same man
I was last week.

195
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,603
Not to us you're not.
I mean, how would you feel

196
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,648
if you suddenly found out
Ned Flanders was an impostor?

197
00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:33,859
- Who's Ned Flanders?
- My next-door neighbor. Religious guy?

198
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:37,363
- Oh, you mean Reverend Lovejoy.
- No, I don't!

199
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,825
What I mean is, to me
you're just a stranger

200
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:44,036
pretending to be something he's not.

201
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,789
Oh, I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel.

202
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:51,961
No, don't apologize.
It's time I stopped pretending.

203
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:56,632
I've called this assembly
to announce my retirement

204
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,260
effective as of the end of this sentence.

205
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:05,933
This sentence I'm speaking... right now.

206
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:11,522
Period.

207
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:15,192
I wrongfully usurped
Sergeant Skinner's position

208
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:18,195
and I suggest you consider him
to replace me.

209
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,280
Thank you.

210
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,740
Well, now, I don't know.

211
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,534
Skinner, do you know anything
about being a principal?

212
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,953
Well, it's been my lifelong ambition.

213
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,789
And if a man pretending
to be me could do it,

214
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:32,168
well, then, logically, the real me must be
far more qualified.

215
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,169
Good enough.

216
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,464
Armin Tamzarian's reign of terror is over.

217
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:40,801
Now let us welcome our new
Principal Skinner,

218
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,178
Principal Seymour Skinner.

219
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,640
Uh, him.

220
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,904
Well, before I go, I've got some
personal items for you.

221
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,782
You belong to the Radio Shack
Battery Club.

222
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,450
Oh, oh, 10 Canadian dollars.

223
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:07,161
That's a souvenir from your trip to
Upstate New York.

224
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:10,414
You've led quite a life,
Tamzarian.

225
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:14,460
It's your life.
I just kept it warm for you.

226
00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:17,671
Oh, I nearly forgot. Your pocket watch.

227
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,049
Mother's picture is still inside.

228
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:21,132
Take good care of her.

229
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,761
I'll wind her every day.

230
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:30,226
I poached some fish
for your trip, Mr. Tamzarian.

231
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:33,521
They're full of tiny bones,
so I want you to be careful.

232
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:38,609
I will, Moth... uh, Mrs. Skinner.

233
00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:39,944
Well, I'd better be going.

234
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:53,332
Good evening, Edna. I know we were
planning to see a film tonight,

235
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,417
but instead, I'm leaving town forever.

236
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,671
No, please. I don't care what you've done.

237
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:01,006
You're still a decent, honorable man.

238
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:05,261
That's the kind of talk
that makes me want to marry you.

239
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,848
But instead, I'm leaving town forever.

240
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,891
Good-bye.

241
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:26,949
Well, it's time to pick up
where I left off...

242
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,243
As a no-good street punk.

243
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,460
Principal Skinner?

244
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,254
Up yours, children.

245
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:48,262
Now, to recap
our top story in its entirety.

246
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:51,098
"The adaptable citizens of Springfield
have opened their hearts

247
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,434
to Principal Seymour Skinner, who... ".

248
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,644
Not that one.

249
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:58,354
Idiots.

250
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:04,486
Thank you. Thank you.
I must say, in many ways...

251
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,448
Springfield really beats
the old slave-labor camp.

252
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,370
I admit Sergeant Skinner seems OK.

253
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,290
But Mr. Tamzarian pulled himself up
from the streets

254
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:18,626
and earned our respect and admiration.

255
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,545
- He lied about his name.
- His name doesn't matter.

256
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:24,423
"A rose by any other name
would smell as sweet."

257
00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:27,134
- Not if you called 'em stench blossoms.
- Or crap weeds.

258
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:30,262
I'd sure hate to get a dozen
crap weeds for Valentine's Day.

259
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:33,432
- I'd rather have candy.
- Not if they were called scum drops.

260
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:36,644
Your new principal
would like to say a few words.

261
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:39,271
Remember, you have to respect him.

262
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,774
He's a war hero.

263
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:43,692
Thank you, Chalmers.

264
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,654
You know where I come from,
there's no better way to get acquainted

265
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,823
than by reciting the Pledge
of Allegiance together.

266
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,036
Why don't you lead us, son?

267
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,039
Hey, America you're so fine.

268
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,958
You're so fine, you blow my mind, America.

269
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,712
Well, that's very concise,

270
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,799
but it's an insult
to everything I suffered for.

271
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:09,343
Now, take a seat, junior,
and listen to someone

272
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:12,429
who gave their youth
in service of their country.

273
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,557
Mrs. Krabappel, the pledge, please.

274
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:19,561
You haven't dealt with women
for a long time, have you, Sergeant?

275
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,606
Are you asking me out?

276
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,402
Ah, 433rd Street.

277
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:27,945
My old neighborhood.

278
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,577
"Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

279
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,830
Capitol City's nakedest ladies.

280
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:40,749
They're not even wearing a smile.

281
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,044
Nod suggestively. Yes, six. Count 'em.

282
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,797
Six gorgeous ladies just dying...

283
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,133
for your leers and catcalls.

284
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,801
Yowza, yowza."

285
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,723
Seymour, it's 7:30. Where were you?

286
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:59,226
- A bar, Mom.
- I don't know what that is

287
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:02,354
but on Fridays, you come
straight home after school!

288
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,857
Tonight is silhouette night. Sit there.

289
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,526
I really just came home
to change into a turtleneck.

290
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,528
Seymour, sit!

291
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:13,198
In the morning. Oh, Mom,
I'm borrowing your car.

292
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,667
Good morning, Agnes.

293
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:26,754
Mmm, how's your new son working out?

294
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,339
That child is the most disobedient,

295
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:32,342
smart-alecky, middle-aged man in creation!

296
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,426
Hello, ladies.

297
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,029
Is this the line for people
who wanna bad-mouth Sergeant Skinner?

298
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,850
- And have 10 items or less.
- Twelve, 11, 10. The man's a weenie.

299
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:43,520
Oh, now, be fair, Edna.
I liked Armin Tamzarian, too...

300
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,273
but he was at least as big a weenie
as Sergeant Skinner.

301
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:49,985
- But he was our weenie.
- Now, there was a weenie...

302
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,280
you could be proud to call your son.

303
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,907
Did you ever tell him that?

304
00:17:57,284 --> 00:18:01,288
OK, once more, where are we going?

305
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:02,539
To Capitol City.

306
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,500
And why are you
and the old lady in the car?

307
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,586
We're gonna talk Armin Tamzarian
into coming back.

308
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:10,756
- And why is Marge here?
- I came up with the idea.

309
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,509
- And why am I here?
- Because the streets of Capitol City

310
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,303
are no place for three unescorted ladies.

311
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,638
And why are the kids here?

312
00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:19,848
Because we couldn't find Grampa
to sit for them.

313
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,350
And why is Grampa here?

314
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:24,228
'Cause Jasper
didn't wanna come by himself.

315
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:29,274
- Fair enough.
- Hello, beautiful!

316
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:32,861
- In your dreams.
- We'll see about that.

317
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,994
Hello, beautiful.

318
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:47,417
My mind is made up. I'm not coming back,
and that's final.

319
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,506
- Oh, Seymour.
- And I'm not Seymour.

320
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:54,883
My name is Armin.
This is Armin's apartment,

321
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:59,054
Armin's liquor, Armin's
copy of Swank, Armin's frozen peas.

322
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,807
- Can I see your copy of Swank, Armin?
- Yes, you can.

323
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:02,808
This is Armin's life.

324
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:05,727
And maybe it's not perfect,
but at least I'm back where I belong.

325
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,480
I was born a no-goodnik,
and I'll die a no-goodnik.

326
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:12,025
Seymour! I didn't bring you up
to use language like that!

327
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,736
- Well, you didn't bring me up at all.
- The hell I didn't!

328
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,281
I've been taking care of you for 26 years!

329
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:20,409
- I'm the only mother you've ever known!
- But you have your real son.

330
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,411
You're my real son!

331
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,413
You've been my son longer than he has.

332
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,040
And he doesn't need me,
and I don't need him!

333
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,459
Now you march yourself
downstairs and get in that car!

334
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:31,753
- Yes, Mother.
- And the rest of you, too!

335
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,213
Yes, Mrs. Skinner.

336
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:45,684
Hey, everybody, look!
Armin Tamzarian's back!

337
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,103
And he's gonna take over the school again!

338
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,064
Now, hold on.

339
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:55,360
Armin Tamzarian is an unsavory character
who played us all for chumps.

340
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,655
All right, all right. So he's a fraud.

341
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:03,827
I don't care. His mom doesn't care.
Do any of you care?

342
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,246
- Nope, not me.
- I guess not.

343
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:10,000
You all seem to be forgetting
that I am Seymour Skinner.

344
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:11,710
This is where I belong.

345
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:15,380
You can't ask me to disappear just because
you like some other guy better.

346
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,591
I gave half my life for you people.

347
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:20,219
Aren't I entitled to a little dignity?

348
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,556
You're, uh... You're right, Sergeant.

349
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,892
Well, I don't see any way out of this.

350
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:29,394
Now, if you'll allow me,
I think I have a solution

351
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,104
that'll satisfy the town

352
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:34,441
and let Sergeant Skinner keep his dignity.

353
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,945
But I'm a hero!

354
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:40,364
And we salute you for it.
Now, don't come back.

355
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:44,076
I'm sorry, Seymour.

356
00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:45,577
It's nice you're alive,

357
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:48,914
but you're just not what I'm looking for
in a son.

358
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,666
I'm glad you understand.

359
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,173
Well, this is a lovely gesture, but...

360
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,760
we still have to face the fact
that I'm not really Seymour Skinner.

361
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:04,680
Oh, no, we don't. Judge Snyder.

362
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,765
By authority of the city of Springfield,

363
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:10,060
I hereby confer upon you
the name of Seymour Skinner...

364
00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:12,813
as well as his past,
present, future and mother.

365
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,982
- OK.
- And I further decree

366
00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:17,109
that everything will be just like it was

367
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,111
before all this happened.

368
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:21,780
And no one will ever mention it again...

369
00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:25,117
under penalty of torture.

370
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:32,040
Here, son. This is yours again.

371
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,544
I've never been happier or prouder
to be Seymour Skinner,

372
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:40,382
but these last few days as that hotheaded
rogue Armin Tamzarian

373
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,592
have taught me a thing or two.

374
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:46,346
You know, maybe I've been a little
too uptight in the past.

375
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:50,183
Well, from now on, you're gonna see
a new Seymour Skinner.

376
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:52,894
- Oh, no, we won't!
- Yes, Mother.

377
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,530
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