1
00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,631
The Simpsons.

2
00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:05,648
D-ohh!

3
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,085
Boy, the way
the Bee Gees played.

4
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,421
Movies John Travolta made.

5
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:31,674
Guessing how much
Elvis weighed.

6
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,427
Those were the days.

7
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:38,556
And you know where
you were then.

8
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,893
Watching shows
like gentle Ben.

9
00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:47,232
Mister, we could use a man
like Sheriff Lobo again.

10
00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:50,485
Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac.

11
00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:53,863
Coming out of my eight-track.

12
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:58,910
Michael Jackson still was black.

13
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:04,249
Those were the days.

14
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:11,131
The Simpsons is filmed in front
of a live studio audience.

15
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,634
Hey, there, meathead,
what are you watching?

16
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,803
I thought I'd check out
the Warner Brothers network.

17
00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:20,181
We're proud to present
on the WB.

18
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:24,352
Another bad show
that no one will see

19
00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:26,563
I need a drink.

20
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:30,733
It's the TV movie of the year.
The Krusty the Klown Story.

21
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:35,822
Booze, drugs, guns, lies,
blackmail and laughter.

22
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:38,908
Starring Fyvush Finkel
as Krusty the Klown.

23
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,830
I went through
a five-year orgy

24
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,583
of nonstop pills and booze

25
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:47,750
with nothing to show for it

26
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,879
but four Emmys
and a Peabody award.

27
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:57,177
All right! They're going to show
his disastrous marriage to Mia Farrow.

28
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:02,182
Chan Ho, your mother Mia and I
are getting a divorce.

29
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,975
Chan Ho is over there.

30
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,351
I am Chin Ho.

31
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,021
Whoever you are,
just pass it along, kid.

32
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,857
What a bad father.

33
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,446
Lisa, knock off that racket!

34
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,449
But, Dad, I'm supposed
to practice an hour a day.

35
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,950
I'll practice you!

36
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,369
You'll practice me.
What does that mean?

37
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,705
Is it supposed to be some sort of threat?

38
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:28,458
Bart, make her stop.

39
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,420
Look, Bart, I have to practice
my saxophone

40
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,797
- and you can't stop me.
- Oh, yeah?

41
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,343
My dear Lisa,
you are eight and I am ten.

42
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,303
And in my two extra years
on this planet

43
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:41,971
I've learned a few tricks.

44
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:43,890
Give me that sax!

45
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,433
- No!
- I said gimme!

46
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:46,601
- I said no!
- Gimme it.

47
00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:49,270
- No! No! No!
- Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

48
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,883
Aw, Lisa,
it doesn't look so bad.

49
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,843
Oh, yeah?

50
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,472
Lisa, honey, if it
will make you feel better

51
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:26,057
I'll destroy
something Bart loves.

52
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,142
- Hey!
- Don't worry, son.

53
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,394
If that bothers you

54
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,354
I'll destroy
something Maggie loves.

55
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,357
Dad, you don't understand.

56
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,567
This saxophone
is like my oldest friend.

57
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,070
I've had it for
as long as I can remember.

58
00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:40,473
You don't remember
how you got it?

59
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,781
Nuh-uh.

60
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:45,535
Oh, well, it all
happened in 1990.

61
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:48,204
Back then, the artist
formerly known as Prince

62
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,707
was currently
known as Prince.

63
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,875
Tracey Ullman
was entertaining America

64
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,879
with songs, sketches,
and crudely-drawn filler material.

65
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:01,175
And Bart Was eagerly awaiting
his first day of school.

66
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,557
Don't worry, be happy.

67
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,808
Look, mama.

68
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,893
Oh, honey,
I can't right now.

69
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,270
Bart's going to be late.

70
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:17,650
Now, son,
on your first day of school

71
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:18,901
I'd like to pass along

72
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,321
the words of advice
my father gave me.

73
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,741
Homer, you're dumb as a mule
and twice as ugly.

74
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:28,328
If a strange man offers you a ride
I say take it.

75
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,288
Lousy, traumatic childhood!

76
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,458
Ooh, there's the bus.

77
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,001
Good-bye, sweetheart.

78
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,546
School will be fun.

79
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,468
Welcome, kindergärtners.
I'm principal Sinner.

80
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,677
S-Skinner.

81
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:48,848
Well, that's it.
I've lost them forever.

82
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:51,392
Now, I'd like to introduce you
to lunch lady Doris

83
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,603
who will serve you
healthy, nutritious meals.

84
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,396
Yeah. Right.

85
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,647
Miss Phipps,
the school nurse

86
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,816
who will provide
ointments and unguents

87
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,693
and Jimbo,
the school bully

88
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,779
who will administer noogies
and nipple twisters.

89
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,448
I look forward
to whaling on all of you.

90
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,743
There was a farmer
who had a dog.

91
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,453
And bingo was his name-o

92
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:15,333
B-I... O, b-i... O, b-i...

93
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,335
And Bingo was his name-o.

94
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,713
Added extra clap.
Not college material.

95
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,299
Hey! Wee bairn!

96
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,134
Hie ye hence from me heath!

97
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,014
Can't you
understand English?

98
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,313
Hi, honey.

99
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,940
How was your
first day of school?

100
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,109
Honey?

101
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,365
Bart was feeling mighty blue.

102
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:50,952
It's a shame
what school can do.

103
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:55,623
For no reason, here's Apu.

104
00:06:55,706 --> 00:07:00,920
Those were the days!

105
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,714
And that, my children,

106
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:07,802
is the story of Bart's
first day of school.

107
00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:09,971
- Very nice.
- Yeah.

108
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,098
Yeah. Except you were supposed

109
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:14,976
to be telling the story
of how I got my saxophone.

110
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,103
D-oh!

111
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,359
Homer, I can't get
the baby to burp.

112
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,777
Could you try for a while?

113
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,028
No problem.

114
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,864
I'll just give her
a sip of beer.

115
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,532
Come on, Maggie.

116
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,368
It's Miller time.
Yes, it's Miller time.

117
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,453
Homer!

118
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,872
Oh, my father gave me beer
as a child.

119
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,541
Till I wrapped my little red
wagon around a tree.

120
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,174
Let's never drink again.

121
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,259
And we never did.

122
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,597
Mom, can you tell me the story
of how I got my saxophone

123
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,932
and not have it turn into
a story about Bart?

124
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,559
Oh, sure, honey.

125
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,853
Bart had just completed
his first day at school

126
00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,938
- and Bart...
- Mom!

127
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,357
Hey, she's just giving
the public what it wants...

128
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,109
Bart by the barrelful.

129
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,068
I'm sorry, Lisa.

130
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,820
It's just how the story goes.

131
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,322
No matter what Bart tried

132
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,866
he just couldn't fit in
at school.

133
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,202
A, b, c...

134
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,662
- Uh... Line.
- "D".

135
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,331
D, e...

136
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:19,749
Um... Line.

137
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,250
"F," Bart.

138
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,503
And believe me,
you'll be seeing plenty of them.

139
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:28,174
Bart, would you like
to read a book?

140
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,177
No.

141
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,678
Would you like to color something?

142
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:33,846
I did.

143
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:46,734
That's damn fine coffee
you got here in Twin Peaks.

144
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:48,861
And damn good cherry pie.

145
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,578
Brilliant.

146
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:01,541
I have absolutely no idea
what's going on.

147
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,877
Homer, I want you to look
at this drawing Bart did.

148
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,380
Oh! It's beautiful.

149
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:11,509
Oh, let's put Bart's beautiful
drawing up on the fridge...

150
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:12,635
Homer, stop.

151
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,679
Would you please
look at the drawing?

152
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:17,348
Oh, all right. What a...

153
00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:19,183
Burn it! Send it to hell!

154
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,936
I think we're going to have
to get Bart some help.

155
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,187
Get it away.

156
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:26,065
Bart, son,
you want to play catch?

157
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,567
No.

158
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,111
When a boy doesn't want
to play catch with his old man

159
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,821
something is seriously wrong.

160
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,948
I'll play catch
with you, son.

161
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:36,117
- Get the hell out.
- I'm gone.

162
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:38,911
Mrs. Simpson, physically

163
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,038
your son is as sound
as the dollar.

164
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,291
I'm afraid Bart's severe
emotional dysfunction

165
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,544
stems from a deep-seated
psychological trauma.

166
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,006
With nowhere else to turn

167
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,174
we went to see
the school psychologist.

168
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,634
Mr. And Mrs. Simpson

169
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,678
there's nothing
to be alarmed about.

170
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:59,515
Public school can be
intimidating to a young child...

171
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,934
particularly one with
as many flamboyantly

172
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,687
homosexual tendencies
as your son.

173
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:05,855
Bart's gay?

174
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:06,938
Bart?

175
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,108
Whoops! Wrong file.

176
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,029
Ah... The point
I'm trying to make here

177
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:16,407
is that Bart must learn
to be less of an individual

178
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,701
and more a faceless slug.

179
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:25,916
Hmm. Lisa,
how old are you?

180
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,169
I am three
and three-eighths.

181
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:31,631
Mmm. Lisa, if I have five apples

182
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,674
and I take away three apples

183
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,093
how many apples do I have left?

184
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,345
Two apples.

185
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:38,428
Wait a minute.

186
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:41,098
She's right.

187
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,642
Yes, very good.

188
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:46,729
Marge, Homer, I believe
your Lisa may be gifted.

189
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,230
That's wonderful,

190
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,358
but still can't you do
anything for Bart?

191
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,902
Marge, he's five. His life is over.

192
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,779
Lisa's the wave of the future.

193
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,405
Wave of the future!

194
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,032
That's right, honey.

195
00:10:58,115 --> 00:10:59,575
If you nurture her gift now

196
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,661
there's no telling what she can do.

197
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:02,578
Wow.

198
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,247
Just think
of the possibilities.

199
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:09,710
Lisa Simpson
has won the Nobel prize.

200
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:10,878
Nah.

201
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:14,215
Lisa Simpson has won
the Nobel prize...

202
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:15,299
for kick boxing!

203
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:22,515
Uh... I'll give you the address
of a nice preschool.

204
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,059
Cross my heart

205
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:28,354
and hope to die, here's
the digits that make "pi".

206
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:31,857
Three point one four one five
nine two six five three five

207
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,485
eight nine seven nine three two
three eight four six two six...

208
00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:35,568
I can assure you.

209
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,780
Our preschool is of
the highest quality.

210
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:41,117
Over 75% of our graduates
go on to first grade.

211
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,494
Well, our little girl has a gift
and we're willing to do

212
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,704
what it takes to help her.

213
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:45,788
Very good.

214
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:48,874
Once we receive your $6,000
tuition check, she's in.

215
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,042
I'll give you 50 bucks.

216
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,419
Our fee is
non-negotiable.

217
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:52,545
Seventy-five!

218
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,880
Look, I knew private school
would be expensive

219
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:57,550
but I was hoping
we could get a scholarship of some sort.

220
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,802
Sorry. I don't have anything
to offer you

221
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,054
unless you're a member
of a minority group.

222
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,558
Excellente! Muchos gracias,
senorata!

223
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:06,475
I'm sorry.

224
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,893
Ah, so.

225
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:09,687
Come on, honey.

226
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,439
I guess this is a world
you'll never know.

227
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:21,031
Our family was suffering
through its worst crisis ever.

228
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,783
Bart was miserable at school

229
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:26,078
and Lisa's gifts
were going to waste.

230
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,872
Uh... Homer,
it's five years later

231
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,498
and I'm still
miserable at school.

232
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,584
And my gifts are still
going to waste.

233
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,586
And sometimes I feel
so smothered by this family

234
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,629
I just want to scream
till my lungs explode!

235
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,300
Right. I'll go
start dinner now.

236
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:40,383
You do that.

237
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:46,807
Hello!

238
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,350
Dad, what are you doing here?

239
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,144
Looking for my teeth.

240
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,356
Give me those!

241
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,066
Better wash these off.

242
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,902
Aw, the hell with it.

243
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,572
Well, grampa,
as long as you're here

244
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,824
we were telling a story
that took place

245
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,827
when Bart was five
and Lisa was three.

246
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:09,038
Oh, I know this story!

247
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,332
The year is
nineteen-aught-six.

248
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:14,752
The president is the divine
Miss Sarah Bernhard.

249
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:16,712
And all over America

250
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:20,883
people were doing a dance called
"The Funky Grandpa!"

251
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,968
Oh, I'm the...

252
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:27,723
Y-yes.

253
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,184
Well, as if our
troubles weren't bad enough.

254
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:33,521
Springfield was going through
an unseasonable heat wave...

255
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,566
And so, Springfield's
heat wave continues

256
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,361
with today's temperature
exceeding the record for this date...

257
00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:42,154
Set way back
four billion years ago

258
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,949
when the earth
was just a ball of molten lava.

259
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:48,661
Oh... So hot.

260
00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:51,372
Homer, have you seen
the frozen peas?

261
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,959
Uh... You keep them.

262
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:57,670
Now, listen, if we can't
afford private school

263
00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,005
maybe there's some other way
to encourage Lisa.

264
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,217
Um, an art class... Ballet lessons...

265
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,300
They have some fun things

266
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,387
you could do at
the museum on Saturday.

267
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,638
Nuh-uh. Forget it, Marge.

268
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,558
There is no way I'm spending
my Saturdays at a museum.

269
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,393
Unless...

270
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:15,396
Museums don't have foosball,
do they?

271
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,650
You lose, Michelangelo's David.

272
00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:20,734
Who's next?

273
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,903
Me!

274
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,241
I guess it doesn't matter.

275
00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:30,327
All these things cost money
and we just don't have it.

276
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,829
Unless...

277
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,414
Unless... what?

278
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:35,207
Well, there's that $200

279
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,585
we've been saving
for the new air conditioner.

280
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:41,422
Oh, Marge, but we've needed
a new air conditioner for years!

281
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:44,008
And our stopgap solution
is getting cranky.

282
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,887
I cannot believe this!

283
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,431
I'm trying to give our daughter
a headstart in life

284
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:51,932
and you aren't helping a bit.

285
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,642
Marge, name one successful person

286
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,436
who ever lived
without air conditioning.

287
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:56,353
Balzac.

288
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,771
No need for potty mouth

289
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,356
just because you can't
think of one.

290
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,066
But Balzac is the name.

291
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,776
Bup-bup-bup-bup.

292
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,738
If "ifs" and "buts"
were candy and nuts, y...

293
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,531
How did the rest
of that go?

294
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,408
Just promise you won't buy
an air conditioner

295
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:11,452
till we've figured out
a way to help Lisa.

296
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:13,495
All right, all right. I promise.

297
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,789
Must be another way
to get an air conditioner.

298
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,545
Re-circulated air.

299
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,928
Uh, Homer?

300
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,596
What, Flanders?

301
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:33,641
Well, sir, I hate to be
a suspicious Aloysius on you

302
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,559
but did you steal
my air conditioner?

303
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,609
Well, I admit
it looks bad, Flanders.

304
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:44,860
But haven't you heard of...

305
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:48,197
"Let he who is without sin
cast the first stone?"

306
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:50,658
Got him, Dad!

307
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:55,329
And so, just as things looked
their worst...

308
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,331
I realized I could make money

309
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:59,959
selling my medication to deadheads.

310
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,419
Grampa, what are
you talking about?

311
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,421
Uh... Nothing.

312
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,756
As I was saying

313
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,425
things couldn't be worse
for Lisa or Bart.

314
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,844
And the ugly duckling
was amazed to realize

315
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,846
it had grown into
a beautiful swan.

316
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,724
So you see, children,
there is hope for anyone.

317
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,017
- Even me?
- No.

318
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,442
Uh... Hi.

319
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,695
- Hi.
- I have soy milk.

320
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,531
The doctor says the real kind
could kill me.

321
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:32,950
I wish I was interesting
like you.

322
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:39,873
You're funny.

323
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:40,874
I am?

324
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:44,628
Yeah... And the world needs
a clown.

325
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,215
Doody.

326
00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:49,425
Booger.

327
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:54,138
Man, that is killer material!

328
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,431
Skinner is a nut.

329
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,765
He has a rubber butt...

330
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,225
Young man, I can assure you

331
00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,978
my posterior is nothing more
than flesh, bone and...

332
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,730
that metal plate I got in 'Nam.

333
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,959
Now, I want you to knock off
that potty talk right now.

334
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:08,068
The principal said potty!

335
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:15,492
You listen to me, son.
You've just started school

336
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,656
and the path you choose now

337
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,246
may be the one you follow
for the rest of your life.

338
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:20,164
Now...

339
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,249
what do you say?

340
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,923
Eat my shorts.

341
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:32,259
All right, I'll eat...
Eat your shorts?

342
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:33,802
Yeah, eat my shorts!

343
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:34,886
Buttman.

344
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,806
Buttman.

345
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,224
Buttman?

346
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:46,607
He's the greatest showman
since that kid who eats worms.

347
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:50,569
My fifteen minutes
of fame are over.

348
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,447
Well, Moe, this is it.

349
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,408
Today's the day I get
my new air conditioner.

350
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,659
Congratulations.

351
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:58,827
Who's the little chick?

352
00:17:58,911 --> 00:17:59,828
I'm Lisa.

353
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,497
She has a gift.

354
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,291
You have 13 pickled eggs
in this jar.

355
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,627
And one cockroach.

356
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:11,340
Who are you, sweetheart,
the Health Inspector?

357
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,758
No, but I am.

358
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,719
Here, have a margarita.

359
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,639
Uh, that's a parasol.

360
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,530
Help us, Homer.

361
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,074
Yeah, help us, you fat yutz.

362
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:47,793
Wow...

363
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,635
A musical instrument?

364
00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:59,304
Could that be a way to encourage
a gifted child?

365
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,265
Just give me a sign!

366
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:06,603
Eh, works for me.

367
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,983
So, what do you like, Lisa?

368
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,568
Viomalin?

369
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,069
Tubamaba?

370
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,445
Obomoboe?

371
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:16,572
That one.

372
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,700
Oh... Saxomophone.

373
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,703
Two hundred dollars?

374
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:32,171
Oh, I'll take it.

375
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,762
Would you like
an inscription, sir?

376
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,890
Yeah. "To Lisa,

377
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:46,226
never forget
your daddy loves..." d'oh!

378
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,479
...and that inscription
is still there today.

379
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,651
Wow. So that's how Lisa
got her sax.

380
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:58,530
Next, I'll tell you the origin
of Maggie's pacifier.

381
00:19:58,614 --> 00:19:59,448
What origin?

382
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,117
We get them for a $1.95
down at the safeway.

383
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,952
But I really liked that story.

384
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,371
But it still doesn't fix this.

385
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:07,956
You know, Homer...

386
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,416
I think we have
some money

387
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:12,085
in the air conditioner
account again, hmm?

388
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:14,087
Oh... But, Marge,

389
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:16,340
am I doomed to spend
the rest of my life

390
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:17,716
sweating like a pig?

391
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,277
Yeah, not to mention
looking like a pig,

392
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,469
eating like a pig...

393
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,221
Don't forget the smell.

394
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,805
Will you get off my front lawn?

395
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:24,932
Why don't you make me?

396
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,642
Why... Oh, I give up.

397
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,019
Well, don't worry
about me, Dad.

398
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:31,813
It's not how it looks,
it's how it sounds.

399
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:40,072
Well, sir,
we got a scorcher today.

400
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:43,200
And to cool off,
nothing beats Fruitopia...

401
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,494
The iced tea brewed by hippies,

402
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:49,081
but distributed by a heartless
multinational corporation.

403
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:54,753
"Dear Lisa, may your new
saxophone bring you years of...

404
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,373
You're a good father.

405
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:33,583
I learned from the master.

406
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:36,545
Where's Maggie?

407
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:39,172
Where's Maggie?

408
00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:40,799
I'm not kidding...
I can't see!

409
00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:43,218
My retinas
have detached again.

410
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:48,724
- He's blind as a bat.
- That's right!

411
00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:51,018
That's true!

412
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:28,972
Lisa, enough saxamaphone already.

413
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:45,132
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