1
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The Simpsons.

2
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Well, your cholesterol level

3
00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:50,717
is lethally high, Homer,

4
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,553
but I'm more concerned
about your gravy level.

5
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,013
Now, wait a second.

6
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,323
You doctors
have been telling us

7
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:59,017
to drink eight glasses
of gravy a day.

8
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,687
Well, you're a little confused.

9
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,065
Oh, confused, would we?

10
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,357
OK, gentlemen.

11
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:07,734
I want you to raise your hand

12
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:09,152
when you hear the tone.

13
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,446
You can't tell me what to do.

14
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Nothing yet.

15
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,962
Now, make no mistake.

16
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When I say "first aid,"

17
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I'm not talking about some sort
of charity rock concert.

18
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I'm talking about
treating serious injuries.

19
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,856
Serious injuries.

20
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Oh, that's gold.

21
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Mom. Mom.

22
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I stepped in a bear trap.

23
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Sounds like you need
some first aid.

24
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- Bravo.
- All right.

25
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,668
Come on.
You can't do one sit-up?

26
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I loved your last
McBain movie,

27
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,713
Mr. Wolfcastle.

28
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Quit stalling, fatty.

29
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We can wait.

30
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Come to papa.

31
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Come on.

32
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Even my fat mama
can touch her toes.

33
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,694
Hey, Bart.

34
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,696
We wear the same underpants.

35
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Results from yesterday's
health fair are in

36
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and the news is not good.

37
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:44,164
Springfield is in terrible shape,

38
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particularly our young boys.

39
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Hey, tubby.

40
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Want another pop-tart, tubby?

41
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,134
I'm comfortable with who I am.

42
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You're a disgrace
to this family.

43
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In this reporter's opinion,

44
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it's time for our
lard-laden lads to shape up,

45
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get out and try fun activities,
like military service,

46
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frenetic dancing,

47
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or good, old-fashioned
peewee football.

48
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There you go, Bart.

49
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,859
Peewee football will melt away

50
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those unsightly
pounds and inches.

51
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Yeah, but I could get seriously hurt.

52
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Then it's settled.

53
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We don't have to play football,
do we, Daddy?

54
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,244
You betcha.

55
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Team sports will keep you away

56
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from temptations
like rock music and girls.

57
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You know, Milhouse,

58
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you are getting
a little doughy.

59
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Can't I just have the surgery?

60
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He's going to need a...

61
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You know... protection.

62
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Sure. One helmet coming up.

63
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I was thinking more like
protection for...

64
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Down there.

65
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Oh, why didn't you say so?

66
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Knee pads. You got it.

67
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I'm talking about his...

68
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Personal area.

69
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Aha! Say no more.
I read you loud and clear.

70
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The old shoulder pads.

71
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Look, I want a cup!

72
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"Cup"? Could you spell that?

73
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C-U-P.

74
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I want a C-U...

75
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Oh, my God!

76
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OK, Milhouse,
let's try out the new cup.

77
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Again!

78
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,649
Milhouse, stop that!

79
00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:40,321
A little higher, Wendell.

80
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,575
A lot higher, Martin.

81
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,911
Uh, Ralph, that's a basketball.

82
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OK, Nelson's our quarterback.

83
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Thanks, four-eyes.

84
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Ralph, you'll be
on special teams.

85
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I'm special!

86
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And, uh, Bart,
you'll be a tackle.

87
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Cool!

88
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,096
Careful, Bart!
You'll break my calculator...

89
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By which, I mean my head.

90
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,808
What position
have you got for me?

91
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What? Huh?

92
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That's right.

93
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,688
A girl wants to play football.

94
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How about that?

95
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,524
Well, that's super duper, Lisa.

96
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In fact, we already have
four girls on the team.

97
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You do?

98
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But we'd love
to have you on board.

99
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Well...

100
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Football's not really my thing.

101
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After all,

102
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what civilized person
would play a game

103
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with the skin
of an innocent pig?

104
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:36,252
Well, actually, Lisa,
these balls are synthetic.

105
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And for every ball we buy,

106
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a dollar goes
to Amnesty International.

107
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I've got to go.

108
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Who are we?

109
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The Wildcats!

110
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,310
Who are we gonna beat?

111
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,145
The Wildcats.

112
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Hey, Flanders!

113
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You're the worst coach
this team has ever had!

114
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He's the only coach
this team has ever had,

115
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and the season hasn't
even started yet.

116
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Yeah, well...

117
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He's wearing that hat
like an idiot.

118
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,786
You know, Homer,
it's very easy to criticize.

119
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Fun, too.

120
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:14,082
All right, Wildcats,
are you ready to give 110%,

121
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take it one game at a time

122
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and go the whole nine yards?

123
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Yeah! Nine yards!

124
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Okely-dokely.
Let's put on our game faces.

125
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Got it.

126
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Gimme the ball,
and your lunch money.

127
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I love this game.

128
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,081
Ooh! He's quite
a little dancer.

129
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,916
Oh, you got lucky, Flanders.

130
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And fix that hat!

131
00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,962
Yeah. Thanks
for the tip, Homer.

132
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:05,633
OK, Simpson, you're blocking
for me on this play.

133
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All right!

134
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Hut-hut, hike-hike, hut!

135
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,897
It's clobberin' time.

136
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You OK, Bart?

137
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Yeah.

138
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I'm special!

139
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Eh, big deal.

140
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I been carried out of Moe's
like that hundreds of times.

141
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:52,221
Yeah, I'm telling you,
Flanders can't coach at all.

142
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,640
Now, I'm not the type to have
a grudge for no reason...

143
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,018
Sir, if I could
just break in for a moment.

144
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,144
Yes, Roy?

145
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:00,480
Do you have a question
for Sandy Koufax?

146
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:04,192
Yes. Mr. Koufax, don't you think
Flanders is a big jerk?

147
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:07,570
Y'ello? Y'ello?

148
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,949
Yeah. Homer again.
I think we got cut off.

149
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,367
Y'ello?

150
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,663
5F03, hut!

151
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,965
Flan-ders!

152
00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:31,636
Flan-ders!

153
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:32,803
What?

154
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,182
Flan-ders!

155
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,725
What? What is it?

156
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:38,809
Game's out there.

157
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,895
Made you look.

158
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:44,899
They're just words, Neddy.

159
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,567
Words can't hurt you.

160
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,986
Ow! That's it!

161
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,030
Dad, that was really mean.

162
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,114
I know, sweetie,

163
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,908
and I got him right
in the... Uh-oh.

164
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,498
H-hi, Flanders.

165
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:01,874
Go, Wildcats.

166
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,794
Do you have a problem
with the way I'm coaching?

167
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:05,962
No, no, no, no, no.

168
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:09,131
It's just that, well,
like I was yelling earlier,

169
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,384
it seems like anyone
with half a brain

170
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,969
could coach better than you.

171
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,720
Uh-huh! Half a brain, huh?

172
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:15,846
Well, you know what?

173
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,307
It sounds like you
just volunteered.

174
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,310
Me? But you were doing
such a great job.

175
00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,778
You're not going
to make the team

176
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,196
with that kind of attitude.

177
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,574
I don't want to make the team.

178
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,243
Then why are you running
the obstacle course?

179
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:40,705
Are you wearing
my self-defense whistle?

180
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,039
You never use it.

181
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,585
Good morning, everybody.

182
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,461
Wipe that smile off your face.

183
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,713
What did I do?

184
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,131
I'm tired
of watching you dog it

185
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:51,465
on that football field.

186
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,843
From now on, I'm going
to work you like a dog.

187
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,469
Now, go fetch me 20 laps.

188
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,722
- Oh, man.
- Do it.

189
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,184
You shouldn't pressure Bart
like that.

190
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,686
Well, if you know a better way

191
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,313
for me to live through my son,

192
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,606
I'd like to hear it.

193
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,110
I knew it.

194
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:13,404
Slowing down already, huh?

195
00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:14,947
How can you treat him that way?

196
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,117
Don't you remember
how bad your father made you feel

197
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,910
when you played sports?

198
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:26,208
Well, that's the end
of the girls' floor exercise.

199
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,544
Now, let's bring on the men!

200
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:31,464
Wish me luck, Dad.

201
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:34,258
Just don't screw up
like you always do.

202
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,902
Wow! He's dy-no-mite!

203
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,738
What's his name again?

204
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,702
You're going to blow it!

205
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:10,086
That's what I get
for havin' faith in ya.

206
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,008
Oh, my father
never believed in me.

207
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,679
Well, I'm not going
to make the same mistake.

208
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,682
From now on, I'm going
to be kinder to my son

209
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,308
and meaner to my dad.

210
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,685
Quit running, son.

211
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,853
I just want
to give you a big hug.

212
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,577
It's got to be a trick.
Run like the wind.

213
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:30,898
I believe in you!

214
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,650
Hug me!

215
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,279
Will you hug me?

216
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:39,156
Hug me!

217
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,161
Good practice, team.

218
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:47,873
OK, it's time for the easiest part
of any coach's job...

219
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,166
The cuts.

220
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,836
Now, while I wasn't able
to cut everyone I wanted to,

221
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,713
I have cut a lot of you.

222
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,256
Wendell is cut.

223
00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:56,716
Rudy is cut.

224
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,050
Janey, you're gone.

225
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,802
Steven, I like your hustle.

226
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,804
That's why it was
so hard to cut you.

227
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:05,057
Congratulations.
The rest of you made the team.

228
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,018
Except you, you and you.

229
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:10,896
Bart didn't get cut.

230
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,898
What a surprise.

231
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,734
Now, just because
I'm his father,

232
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,986
he'll get no special treatment.

233
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,947
He calls me "coach"
just like everyone else,

234
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,617
which he'll be doing
as our new starting quarterback.

235
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,702
What? Get out of here!

236
00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:27,329
Aw, man! No way!

237
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,248
What a rip!

238
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,250
- But, coach...
- What is it, sweetie?

239
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,793
Nelson's a great quarterback.

240
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,295
He's carrying this team.

241
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,589
Yeah, that's right.

242
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:37,757
Not anymore.

243
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,176
From now on,
you're my main man.

244
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,552
OK, now, everyone,

245
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,929
give me five laps
and hit the showers.

246
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,390
Oh, Rod, you don't have to.
You're cut.

247
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,553
But I can't play quarterback.

248
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,771
I don't even know how.

249
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:54,190
Son, you can do
anything you want.

250
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,734
I have total faith in you.

251
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,903
- Since when?
- Since your mother yelled at me.

252
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,446
Now, how about that hug?

253
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:01,947
Dad, the car!

254
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,157
I got it.

255
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,244
Good luck, Homer.

256
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,454
No hard feelings.

257
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,790
Not so easy
to keep your mouth shut now,

258
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:11,916
is it, Flanders?

259
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,127
Ready, set, hut!

260
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,211
Hut!

261
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,805
It's OK, son.

262
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,139
You'll do better next time.

263
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,018
No, please, Bart, don't!

264
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,396
Help. Help, help.

265
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,982
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

266
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,234
Look at him go!

267
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:39,610
No, no. Uh.

268
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,989
Excellent poise, son.

269
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,867
You panicked,
but you didn't lose your cool.

270
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,163
Bart, over here! Come on!

271
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,418
Just throw it, doofus.

272
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,006
Aw, crap.

273
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,511
Great debut, son.

274
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,013
You really settled in
after some early jitters.

275
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,849
Are you kidding? I reeked.

276
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,100
Oh, really?

277
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:14,395
Do reeky players
get the game ball?

278
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:17,147
Hey, everybody,
let's hear it for Bart!

279
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:21,819
Give me a "B"?

280
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,487
I won't give you a "B",

281
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,698
but I'll tear you a new "A."

282
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:29,410
If I wasn't your friend,
I'd tell you you sucked.

283
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:32,246
You ruined
our undefeated season.

284
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,582
You ruined everything, ruiner!

285
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,709
My sister likes you.

286
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,460
Listen here, daddy's boy.

287
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,214
You cost us one more game,
and you're dead.

288
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,676
You're going to heaven.

289
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,148
Oh, it's going
to take a miracle

290
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,150
for me to become
a good quarterback.

291
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,069
Excuse me, son.

292
00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,906
Wow, Joe Namath!

293
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,658
That's right. My car broke
down in front of your house.

294
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,411
I cannot believe you are here.

295
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,472
Do you think maybe
you could give me some pointers?

296
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:17,625
Sure. There's only one thing
you need to know

297
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,627
to be a great quarterback.

298
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:22,463
Joe, honey, I fixed it.

299
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:23,797
It was just vapor lock.

300
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,300
Hey, look, I got to run.

301
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,553
Remember what I told you.

302
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:32,306
OK, Bart, concentrate.

303
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,936
Remember what I told you.

304
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,812
Just one thing.

305
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,397
My car broke down.

306
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,607
I'm Joe Namath.

307
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,317
My car broke down.

308
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,361
It was just vapor lock.

309
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:48,614
Vapor lock... Vapor lock...
Vapor lock.

310
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,158
I'm dead.

311
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:54,161
So if I play, the guys
are going to kill me.

312
00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:56,246
If I don't, I'll be
letting Homer down.

313
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,581
What am I going to do?

314
00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,667
Well, I know you don't want
to disappoint Dad,

315
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,294
but how do you feel
about lying to him?

316
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,629
Good.

317
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:04,838
Oh, you guys are so cut.

318
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,886
Dad, I got some bad news.

319
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,472
Oh, your mother's not pregnant,
is she?

320
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:16,600
No. I got hit
by a couple of cars.

321
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:17,884
I won't be able to play today.

322
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,436
Yes!

323
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,355
Oh, boy.

324
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,649
Well, I'll just have to go
to my backup plan.

325
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,359
Nelson, how's your arm feeling?

326
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:26,610
- Great!
- Good.

327
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,445
Take this note
over to the referee.

328
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,406
"We forfeit"?

329
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,324
Forfeit? What?

330
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,826
Come on. Oh, man.

331
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:36,203
Come on, guys.
We can't play without Bart.

332
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,163
He's the heart of this team.

333
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,999
No, I'm not. I suck.

334
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,084
It's true. He does.

335
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,585
Yeah, he does. Yeah.

336
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,295
Don't listen to them, son.

337
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,922
I have total faith in you.

338
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:49,967
You don't get it, do you?

339
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,344
I don't want to be
your stupid quarterback.

340
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,470
I quit!

341
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,264
What?

342
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:56,849
Well, I got news for you,
mister.

343
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,267
You can't quit.

344
00:16:58,350 --> 00:16:59,476
You're cut!

345
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:00,561
You, too, Milhouse.

346
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,396
All right!

347
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,908
So, like I said,

348
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:18,370
I've never had a tick
burrow in so deep.

349
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,914
Little guy's just
got a mind of his own.

350
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,791
Mom, please! We're eating.

351
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,960
Well, at least
I'm making conversation.

352
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,462
May I be excused, Mom?

353
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,422
Oh, so now
you're quitting dinner, too.

354
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:29,882
Homer, please.

355
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,925
I didn't raise him
to be a quitter, Marge.

356
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,135
It must have been you.

357
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,137
You quit every job
you've ever had...

358
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,223
Cop, pretzel vendor,
church counselor,

359
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,307
professional gambler...

360
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,226
He's doing
what he thinks is best.

361
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:46,106
Well, if quitting is the best,
maybe I should just quit my job.

362
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,319
Ahoy-hoy?

363
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:53,197
Mr. Burns,
this is Homer J. Simpson,

364
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,491
the father of the big quitter.

365
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:59,161
Well, I just wanted to tell you
I'm a big quitter, too,

366
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,080
and I quit.

367
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:05,459
Homer, Mr. Burns
can't see you winking.

368
00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:07,419
So?

369
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,796
Yellow, 25, hut!

370
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,340
Go long!

371
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,342
Go long!

372
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,636
Aw, hell, I'll do it myself.

373
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,897
I got to quit smoking.

374
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,318
We drove 2,000 miles for this?

375
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,278
We're in the championship.

376
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:35,280
Way to go, team!

377
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,574
Gee, thanks, coach.

378
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:40,953
Great game, son.

379
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:43,497
Come on, I'm taking
you to hooters.

380
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,541
Aw, I don't want
to bother Mom at work.

381
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,296
Well, Bart, looks like
it's just you and...

382
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,390
I'll scratch you.

383
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,183
The hair! The hair!

384
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,977
- Slut!
- Loser!

385
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,354
Skank! Skank! Skank!

386
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,775
I'm feeling kind of low, Apu.

387
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,444
Got any of that beer
that has candy floating in it?

388
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:15,612
You know, Skittlebrau.

389
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,531
Such a product
does not exist, sir.

390
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,950
I think
you must have dreamed it.

391
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:22,119
Oh. Well, then just
give me a six-pack

392
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,787
and a couple of bags
of Skittles.

393
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,464
Hello, son.

394
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,341
I want to apologize.

395
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,719
I just got so caught up
trying to encourage you,

396
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,763
I was blinded
to your stinky performance.

397
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,599
If you forgive me

398
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:47,269
I promise I'll never
encourage you again.

399
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,732
I've got lots of quarters.

400
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:55,736
This thing only takes dollars.

401
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:02,201
You know, tomorrow's
the championship game

402
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,037
and I could sure use
a good offensive tackle.

403
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,705
I thought Uter took my place.

404
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,248
Consider him cut.

405
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:18,884
Wow!

406
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:21,762
Homer coaching
in the championship game.

407
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,889
You must be pretty proud
of your son.

408
00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:25,849
You'd think so, wouldn't you?

409
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,522
Time for one last play, coach.

410
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:33,726
Hold on, I'm working it out.

411
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:39,196
OK. Half of you vibrate
that way,

412
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:40,280
two of you fall down...

413
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,157
Nelson, you just spin around
in a circle.

414
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,872
All right, I've got
an arrest warrant here

415
00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,499
for Nelson Muntz.

416
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:53,293
Uh, which one
of you little punks is Muntz?

417
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:54,836
Oh, no, my quarterback!

418
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,963
What are we going to do?

419
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,173
It's OK, Dad.
I can fill in for Nelson.

420
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,675
Are you sure, son?

421
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,594
I knew I could count on you.

422
00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:24,700
So, what's the charge, chief?
Vandalism? Smoking?

423
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,410
You know what you did, Muntz...

424
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:27,661
Burglary and arson.

425
00:21:27,744 --> 00:21:30,497
You're going away
for a long time.

426
00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:31,748
Wha...

427
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:35,459
Poor Bart.

428
00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:37,754
You know,
we had a lot of fun tonight,

429
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:41,758
but there's nothing funny
about... Vapor lock.

430
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:45,137
It's the third most
common cause of car stallings,

431
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:49,516
so, please, take care
of your car and get it checked.

432
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:51,310
I'm Joe Namath.

433
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:52,728
Good night.

434
00:21:55,063 --> 00:21:57,357
Scully, you're cut.

435
00:21:57,441 --> 00:22:00,485
Uh, Brooks, Groening, Simon,
you're all cut.

436
00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:01,862
Castellaneta, gone.

437
00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:05,324
Kavner, cut. Can'twright, cut.
Smith, sorry. Cut.

438
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,951
Azaria and Shearer, you're cut.
Firestone, you're cut.

439
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:10,329
So is Judge. Namath, you stay.

440
00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:12,789
All of those people are cut.

441
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:15,917
Bill Schultz and Wolf
and Silverman. Goldfreyer.

442
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:18,086
O'Brlen, Doyle, Selman,
I don't know what you...

443
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:21,173
Elliott, I-I don't know what you're
doing here because you're all cut.

444
00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:24,468
Pietlla, Bridge
and "Kuwawahawa."

445
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,014
Now there's so many cuts here...
Look, I'll just post 'em up

446
00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:30,724
and you just see
where your name is.

447
00:22:31,224 --> 00:22:32,904
Ooh, look at how many cuts
there are there.

448
00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:35,937
Oh, boy! You're cut!
All of you!

449
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:40,233
He's cut. I cut you!

450
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,570
You're cut too, shushy!

451
00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:48,617
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