1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,673
The Simpsons.

2
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Whoop. Oop.

3
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Good evening.
I'm Kent Brockman.

4
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Our top story:
Hunks, and lots of them

5
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and all to raise money

6
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for the Springfield Fire Department

7
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to buy a fire engine
so they can get to fires.

8
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Lazy bums.

9
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,546
Yeah, why don't we buy them
mink stoles while we're at it?

10
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Yeah. Good one.

11
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And now, let's hear it
for our celebrity auctioneer...

12
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Krusty.

13
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What? Who? Who's that?

14
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The clown.

15
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Thank you. Thank you.

16
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Hey, hey!

17
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No, I ain't reading that.

18
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No, not that, either.

19
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OK, let's bring on
our first bachelor.

20
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All right, ladies,
this sexy fellow

21
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:27,378
describes himself
as "a big, thirsty teddy bear."

22
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Say hello to Barney Gumbel.

23
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OK, now, what am I bid?

24
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Hey, now, I got zero,
I got no bid here. I got zero.

25
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I'm standing at zero.

26
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Anybody want to go
higher than zero?

27
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I got zero right now.

28
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OK, over there? No, zero.

29
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I got nada, zilch.
I got bupkes.

30
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I got zero. Nothing. Hey.

31
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Poor Barney.

32
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This lot is withdrawn.

33
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Come on!

34
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He likes sunsets...
What more do you want?

35
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I'm... not attractive.

36
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The last bachelor likes women

37
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who take their clothes off
for money.

38
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Let's hear it for Moe.

39
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Why do we have to stand here?

40
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This is so humiliating.

41
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Aren't there any good
bachelors in this town?

42
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Ah, we're never going
to get that fire engine.

43
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Well, I guess that's it, folks.

44
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Had some laughs.

45
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Killed some time.

46
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Apu, you're a bachelor.
Get up there.

47
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Oh, no, no. Please,
I am nothing special.

48
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Don't be shy. Excuse me.

49
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,756
Excuse me. We have
one more bachelor.

50
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Cash the check...

51
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- What?
- Just tell them about yourself.

52
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Well, I have a doctorate
in Computer Science.

53
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Sounds pretty good to me.

54
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Um... I run my own business,
of course.

55
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Well. Well, now.

56
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I do like to cook.

57
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I'm not much of a talker,
but I love to listen,

58
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and in my leisure time,
I like to build furniture

59
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and then, to have a discussion

60
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about where it could be
placed in a room.

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- Now you're talking.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

62
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- Fifty dollars.
- Seventy-five.

63
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You better have enough
to pay my alimony, Luann!

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- Three hundred.
- Three-fifty.

65
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Nine hundred and twenty-six.

66
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Sold, to the five
desperate chicks.

67
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Whoo! All right, We got him!
Woof!

68
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Holy molly!

69
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Well, look
who's the ladies man.

70
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Come on...

71
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I had a great time, Apu.

72
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And thanks for winning wubbsy.

73
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I had no idea
you were such a great shot.

74
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Oh, yes.
All Kwik-e-mart managers

75
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must be skilled
in the deadly arts.

76
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Oh. That date
will not be easy to top,

77
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but we shall see.

78
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Anybody up for
some clog dancing?

79
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Why don't you try and stop me?

80
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"This is just

81
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a note to say
I think about you every day

82
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and when I get
you all alone..."

83
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Well, it gets
a little bit personal here.

84
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I understand...

85
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Yoink!

86
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- Wow.
- I know.

87
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- Whoa!
- Tell me about it.

88
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Oh. Here's one from my mother.

89
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Ooh. Let's see what she wrote.

90
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You hate lotus flowers, too?

91
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Don't get me started
on lotus flowers.

92
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:56,254
No, no, it is the sign

93
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that it is time
for my arranged marriage.

94
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Oh, well, congratulations.

95
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No, no. Don't you
know what it means?

96
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Not... really.

97
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It all happened shortly after
my eighth birthday.

98
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,520
OK, here we go.

99
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Ten goats and an electric fan?

100
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You call that a dowry?

101
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,697
OK, we will throw in
a textile factory

102
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,033
but only because Manjula
is getting on in years.

103
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Then it is agreed.

104
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Your third daughter
will marry our first son.

105
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It is done.

106
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,047
Oh, I cannot get married.

107
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I'm just beginning
to enjoy my bachelorhood.

108
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What am I going to do?

109
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Tell her the truth, you're
not ready to get married.

110
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,972
No, no. You do not know Mother.

111
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She will never quit
until I am married.

112
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Then just tell her
you're already married.

113
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No. I cannot lie to my mother.

114
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Then get married.

115
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What the hell
do you want from me?

116
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Yes, that is right, Mother.
I already got married.

117
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Why did not I bother
to tell you?

118
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Well... uh...

119
00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:07,617
the reason is, um...

120
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Well, I guess I...
I didn't think you'd understand.

121
00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,748
Oh, got to go. Bye-bye-bye.
I love you, love you.

122
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:16,918
It worked. It worked.

123
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The lie has set me free.

124
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Well, I'm hot-blooded.

125
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Check it and see

126
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I got a fever of 103.

127
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Come on, baby,
do you do more than dance?

128
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I'm hot-blooded,
I'm hot-blooded.

129
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You don't have
to read my mind.

130
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To know what
I have in mind.

131
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Loser.

132
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Loser.

133
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Loser.

134
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Five hundred dollars.

135
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Apu, wake up.

136
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I want to buy a yodel
and this lottery ticket.

137
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I have... this much.

138
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,467
I'm sorry. You do not have
enough for both.

139
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Yodel.

140
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Late night, huh?

141
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I'm not the type
to kiss and tell, sir,

142
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but listen to this...

143
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Oh, you dog.

144
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It is my mother.

145
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Oh, no. Oh, no.
What am I going to do?

146
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:31,909
What's the big problem?

147
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,787
Don't you see?
She is here to meet my wife.

148
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The wife that I told her I had.

149
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Ah! I do not have a wife.

150
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,022
Then maybe you shouldn't
have said told her you did.

151
00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:45,756
Oh. She's going to be here
any second.

152
00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:50,052
Oh, yes!
That will buy me some time.

153
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,097
Mm. Homer,
you've got to help me.

154
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OK.

155
00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:58,769
Seems to me...

156
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,606
What you ought to do is, um...

157
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,774
What, what, what, what, what?

158
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,945
Well... you could always
move into my house

159
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,615
and tell your mom
that Marge is your wife.

160
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:13,159
Is it me, or do your
plans always involve

161
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,744
some horrible web of lies?

162
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,037
It's you.

163
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,290
Welcome to the Kwik-e-mart.

164
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:21,292
May I help... Mother!

165
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:24,003
What are you doing here?

166
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,965
I have come to meet
this wife of yours.

167
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And meet her you shall.

168
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:33,763
It is a very reasonable request
that can easily be granted

169
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,057
- in a timely and efficient...
- Let's go.

170
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,018
And we shall because it is
in the going that we...

171
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,603
Tat-tat-tat-tat-tat.

172
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,981
Oh... that yodel was so good.

173
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,734
I wish I was eating it right now.

174
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,071
Oh, crap! I forgot!

175
00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:52,198
Marge, I need a small favor.

176
00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:54,659
For the next few days,
will you pretend to be Apu's wife?

177
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,369
What?

178
00:08:56,452 --> 00:09:00,248
Please. It's just for as long
as his mother's living here.

179
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,124
What?

180
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,169
Honey, I am in my home.

181
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,514
How was your day...

182
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,349
sweetheart?

183
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:21,018
Can you feel the love?

184
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,649
Mother, I would like
for you to meet

185
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:29,443
my darling wife
for many, many good years,

186
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,279
M... Marge.

187
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,907
Hello. So, what brings
you to America?

188
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,617
I have come to see the woman

189
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,453
for whom Apu was willing
to disgrace his family

190
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,163
and spit on his culture.

191
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,041
Here I am!

192
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,668
OK. Gotta run.

193
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,420
Apu, I'm sure you want
to get upstairs

194
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:50,172
and fix that broken toilet
before Marge yells at you again.

195
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,926
I'm just so honored
to have you here in our home.

196
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,886
Thank you.
And having met you

197
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:59,890
let me say how deeply,
deeply disappointed I am.

198
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,685
Apu, your arranged
bride, Manjula

199
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,812
is a sweet, refined,
chaste woman.

200
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,188
Are you nuts?

201
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,441
Mother, come on.
You know that

202
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:11,068
one out of every
25 arranged marriages

203
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,236
ends in divorce.

204
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,822
Oh, Bart and Lisa!

205
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:17,366
You remember your father, Apu.

206
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,494
Well, this is your father
Apu's mother.

207
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,875
- Hi.
- Hi.

208
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,628
I cannot believe
you did not tell me

209
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,755
I had two grandchildren.

210
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:37,928
But you can't leave.

211
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,889
We're scamming
an old lady at my house

212
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,474
and I need a place to hide out.

213
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,558
Sorry, Homer.

214
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,477
I've been planning
this vacation for years.

215
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,312
I'm finally going
to see Easter Island.

216
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,314
Oh, right,
with the giant heads.

217
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:49,982
With the what, now?

218
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,278
Hey, Dad,

219
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:57,990
I've come to spend some time
with my favorite father.

220
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,200
Baloney!

221
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,869
You came here
to put me in a home!

222
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:03,371
You're already in a home.

223
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,289
Oh, how could you?

224
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,168
Abraham Simpson.

225
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,712
Cornelius Talmadge.

226
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,047
Oh, no, I'm not...

227
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,882
Oh, well, let's see
what you got here.

228
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:17,677
The pink ones
keep you from screaming.

229
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,013
All right, folks,
it's supper time.

230
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,057
Supper at 4:00?

231
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:24,850
Oh-ho, what a sweet deal.

232
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:28,187
Hey, they got chairs
with wheels,

233
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:31,107
and here I am,
using my legs like a sucker.

234
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,576
Whoo! I must apologize
for the inconvenience, Marge.

235
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,203
You are a real sport.

236
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:47,915
Right. How much longer
is she going to be here?

237
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:50,418
Homer was a little
sketchy on the details.

238
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,586
It should not be more
than a few days.

239
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,714
She really, truly hates you.

240
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,011
Can I ask you about your dot?

241
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,930
What would you like to know?

242
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,640
What's the deal with that dot?

243
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,844
Yeah, can you see out of it?

244
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,727
Does it change colors
when you're ticked off?

245
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,478
You tell me.

246
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,480
Nothing yet.

247
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,608
Surely, you children are aware
of your Brahman heritage?

248
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:15,609
As long as you have

249
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,612
absolutely no follow-up
questions, yes.

250
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,739
Yes, we are.

251
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:20,990
Fully.

252
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,783
We have to go now.

253
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,831
Jasper.
Gladys.

254
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,000
Beatrice.
Looking good, Hattie.

255
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:34,170
Asa.
Hazel. Hazel.

256
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,379
Hazel!

257
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,463
Oh, the hell with her.

258
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:37,631
Hester.

259
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,008
Emil. Prudence.

260
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,885
Lemuel. Increase.

261
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:42,595
- Dad.
- Cornelius.

262
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,764
Supper time!

263
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,062
Oh, no, you don't!

264
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,689
Oh, yes, I do.

265
00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,945
Eat my dust.

266
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:03,824
Wow, someone sure likes
his kidney mush.

267
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,034
Damn right.

268
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:13,042
Mm. Who knew that Lays
made liquid potato chips?

269
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,919
I can't suck just one.

270
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,671
Another bag of chips, Mr. Talmadge?

271
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,132
Please.
Also, I'm getting a bed-sore.

272
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,136
What do you have to do
to get turned around here?

273
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,766
Hey, what's Lucky hooked up to?

274
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,976
A respirator.

275
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,561
It breathes for him.

276
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,480
And here I am,
using my own lungs

277
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,606
like a sucker.

278
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,316
And how come everyone
gets a bedpan

279
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,527
and I have to walk
all the way over there?

280
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,861
You mean, there?

281
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,404
Yeah!

282
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,991
Hello. I'm Cornelius Talmadge.

283
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,285
My family brought me here
on Monday

284
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,705
but I broke free
and went on a bit of a bender.

285
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,041
Wait a minute.
If you're Cornelius Talmadge,

286
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,417
then who's...

287
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:58,921
When I get old, Marge,

288
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,590
I want you to promise
you'll put me in a home.

289
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,716
It's like being a baby,

290
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,552
only you're old enough
to appreciate it.

291
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,637
Well, I'm glad
you were having fun

292
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,640
because I've had my hands full
with Apu's mother.

293
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,017
Oh, right, right.

294
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,936
The fake marriage thing.

295
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,019
How's that going?

296
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,857
OK, Apu, I am packed

297
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,067
and ready to go
to the airport...

298
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,486
Oh, my God.

299
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,780
Marge, how could you?

300
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,949
Oh, Apu, give it up.

301
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,286
Mother, I am so sorry.

302
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,413
I lied to you
about being married.

303
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:34,164
Lied to his mother.

304
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,583
Tsk-tsk-tsk.

305
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:39,253
But the fact that I would stage
this ridiculous farce

306
00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,714
surely proves to you
how much I do not want

307
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,924
to go through with
this arranged marriage.

308
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:47,511
I had no idea
how strongly you felt, Apu.

309
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,597
Now wipe that smile
off your face.

310
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:50,806
We have a wedding to plan.

311
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:53,684
You know what you
could do, Apu?

312
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:54,685
Yeah, shut up.

313
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,145
You could fake your own death.

314
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,396
Oh, would you shut up?

315
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:58,856
All you need
is a car bomb and...

316
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:01,066
I can't believe
you don't shut up!

317
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:05,821
Yes, yes, Manjula.

318
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,657
I will take care
of all the wedding plans.

319
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,243
You just get on a plane
and come to America.

320
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,204
I have to go.

321
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,042
Believe me, I'd like to.

322
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:20,961
Good-bye.

323
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,840
I've been looking over
this list of things for the ceremony.

324
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,926
I've got the extra wine glasses

325
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,804
but I'm still short
a tandoori oven, an elephant

326
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,598
and four castrati.

327
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:33,724
What's a castrati?

328
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:36,268
I don't know,
but I'm sure it's spicy.

329
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,896
Why is that woman still living here?

330
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,107
Hey, you seen Apu lately?

331
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,609
He looks terrible.

332
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,861
Yeah, rumor has it
Marge threw him out.

333
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,489
Ah, tough break.
She's a beautiful lady.

334
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:49,949
You got that straight, Barn.

335
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,034
To Marge!

336
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,413
Moe, what do you recommend
for severe depression?

337
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,832
Booze, booze and more booze.

338
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:02,503
Huh! Nothing like a depressant
to chase the blues away.

339
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,338
Yeah, you got that right.

340
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:09,134
Oof. Manjula and I have not seen
each other in 20 years.

341
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,595
Two people cannot fall
in love sight-unseen.

342
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,472
Hey, hold on there.

343
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:14,555
I'm counting on that.

344
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:17,935
Well, just 24 hours
of freedom left.

345
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,478
Actually, it's more like 12.

346
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:21,021
No. I'm so stupid.

347
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,648
Seven... it's seven hours.

348
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:23,774
You have seven hours.

349
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,234
See? Seven.

350
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:30,155
Well, I'm hot-blooded.

351
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,283
Check it and see

352
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:38,747
I got a fever of 103.

353
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:42,459
Come on, you shouldn't be spending
your last hours of bachelorhood

354
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:43,752
in a dump like this.

355
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,921
You should be living
like there's no tomorrow

356
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,090
and I know just the place.

357
00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:52,886
Ah, is this the life or what?

358
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:55,305
You want me
to turn on the bubbles?

359
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,520
Which Bombay
to Springfield flight is she on?

360
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,106
The 10:00, the 10:15,
or the 10:30?

361
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,150
I am so terribly sorry, sir.

362
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:09,194
It appears that your tiger
has been sent to St. Louis.

363
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,156
Mm-hmm. I should send you
to St. Louis.

364
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,199
No. No. He's not worth it.

365
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,536
Can you please indicate
your tiger type on this chart.

366
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,291
Number six.

367
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,961
How's that fire ring coming?

368
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,337
Is it sacred yet?

369
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,547
Almost.

370
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,341
I... can't...

371
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,843
Can you believe it?

372
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,012
Tradition forbids me
even to speak

373
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:37,264
to the woman I'm about
to spend my life with.

374
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,099
Has the whole world gone crazy?

375
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,018
Nah, just your screwy country.

376
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:45,189
Your old friend Apu
is a lamb being led to the slaughter.

377
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,398
Don't worry, Apu.

378
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,234
Someday, you'll meet
someone you really love.

379
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,361
I'm really doomed.

380
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:54,073
Only the gods could stop
this wedding now.

381
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,116
Gods, eh?

382
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,832
No, no, no, no, no.

383
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,042
No pansies for me.

384
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:07,044
It's the tradition in India.

385
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,505
Yeah, all right.
It'll cover the gravy stains.

386
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,840
- Hey!
- Tradition.

387
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,134
Thanks for helping
us out, Reverend.

388
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,845
I know you've never performed
a Hindu ceremony.

389
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,014
Well, Christ is Christ.

390
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,433
Plus, I consulted
a Hindu web site.

391
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,610
Hello, everyone.

392
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,779
What a happy, happy day.

393
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:36,240
Wow, I wish I had an elephant.

394
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:38,492
You did. His name was Stampy.

395
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,494
- You loved him.
- Oh, yeah.

396
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,043
Lucky mouse.

397
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,890
Oh... Manjula?

398
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,144
Apu, remember me?

399
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,604
Obviously not.

400
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:12,317
I am the God Ganesh!

401
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,194
This wedding angers me!

402
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,322
All will die
unless it is stopped!

403
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,993
- Oh, God.
- Please! Listen to me!

404
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,084
Stop chasing Ganesh!

405
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,795
You're just going
to get more wrath.

406
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:35,048
Oh, I'm afraid
this is all my fault, Manjula.

407
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,134
To be perfectly honest
with you,

408
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:40,012
I have not exactly
been looking forward

409
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:41,638
to this arranged marriage.

410
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,223
Nor have I.

411
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,225
Marrying a complete stranger?

412
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,518
It is crazy.

413
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:47,686
All right.

414
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,646
Ganesh has been subdued.

415
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,482
All will die.

416
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,109
Resume the ceremony.

417
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,946
Quickly, tell me. What is your favorite
movie, book and food?

418
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:02,284
Uh, the answer to all three
is fried green tomatoes.

419
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,371
That... that is good.

420
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,290
Double-parked.

421
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,000
Oh, I am so torn.

422
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,837
You are clearly
so quick-witted and beautiful.

423
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,923
And when I look in your eyes,

424
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:20,344
I see that sweet little boy
who sold me my very first kiss

425
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:22,638
and I liked it.

426
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:26,767
Oh, do you think this marriage
could really work?

427
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:30,145
Who knows?
We can always get divorced.

428
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,355
Of course.

429
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:33,273
God bless America.

430
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:44,326
And now, ladies and gentlemen,

431
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:47,579
let me be the first
to present to you

432
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:52,417
Mr. And Mrs. Apu
Nahasapeemapetilan.

433
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,967
Ah, geez.
I am no good at weddings.

434
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,843
I am no good at weddings.

435
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:16,900
Dad, those peanuts
aren't for you.

436
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,735
They're for the elephant.

437
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,779
Screw him.

438
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:23,365
Put me down!
Ganesh commands you!

439
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:27,703
Well, so far so good,
don't you think?

440
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:30,580
I cannot wait to show you
our apartment.

441
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:31,748
Apartment?

442
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,625
Oh, no, no, no.

443
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,252
You must buy me a house,

444
00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:36,628
and you're getting a haircut.

445
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,047
Got you.

446
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:46,680
Come on, elephant! Stop!

447
00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:53,103
Hey, everybody's upside-down.

448
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:46,156
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