1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,548
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,890
This sting
can't miss, boys.

3
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,850
I mailed these
bogus prize certificates

4
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,436
to every scofflaw
in Springfield.

5
00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:04,439
When they show up
for their free motorboats,

6
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:05,690
we arrest them and beat them

7
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,901
to the full extent of the law.

8
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:11,279
So the hook is baited.

9
00:01:11,362 --> 00:01:13,281
Nice metaphor, Eddie.

10
00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:14,699
Yeah, good work, Eddie.

11
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:18,036
Up, up and away
in my beautiful.

12
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,914
My beautiful motorboat.

13
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:22,499
Tan tan ta-da-dan.

14
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,001
But we didn't enter
any police raffle.

15
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,171
That doesn't matter.
The important thing is we won.

16
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,175
I don't know.

17
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,928
There's something
very peculiar about this.

18
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,262
Sheesh!

19
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:39,099
You're the most paranoid family
I've ever been affiliated with.

20
00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:44,729
I'd like a yellow boat,
please, with extra motors.

21
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:47,023
Yo, no cuts, bro.

22
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,775
Where's my motorboat, pig?

23
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,568
Uh, right through that door.

24
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,283
Whoa! Yo! Ouch!

25
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,120
I call brutality on you.

26
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,371
You have the right to remain-

27
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,958
All right, uh,
"Simpson, Homer."

28
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,793
- You're next.
- Whoo-hoo!

29
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,964
Howdy, gents.
I'm here to collect my free-

30
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:13,633
Ow! Oh, my boating arm!

31
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:14,968
What's going on?

32
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,803
You're under arrest, slimebag.

33
00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,388
What's this perp in for, Lou?

34
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:21,182
Two hundred and thirty-five
unpaid parking tickets

35
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,309
totaling $175.

36
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,854
I hope you brought
your checkbook, wise guy.

37
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,356
You lousy cops.

38
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:30,358
Lucky for you
I'm double-parked or I'd...

39
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:34,696
There. Now, could I
please have my motorboat?

40
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,451
Dad, why aren't you
saying anything?

41
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:41,953
Where's our motorboat?

42
00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:43,997
I didn't like it.
The mast had termites.

43
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,707
Why would a motorboat
have a mast?

44
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,000
Because!

45
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,127
The thing, it was... shut up!

46
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:54,465
Whoo! There's that new
mega-mall they're building.

47
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,551
They say
the air conditioner will be

48
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,512
more powerful
than a million hydrogen bombs.

49
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:02,015
Hey, they can't just
build a parking lot

50
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,224
on Sabertooth Meadow!

51
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,476
That's where they discovered
all those fossils.

52
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,353
Fossils, schmossils.

53
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,648
You can't stop progress
'cause of some moldy old bones.

54
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,442
Bones, schmones.

55
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,028
But they might be paving
over rare specimens.

56
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,113
Pull over
so we can complain, Dad.

57
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,490
Come on!
Who wants to complain with me?

58
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,577
Fine. I'll come back later.

59
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,662
Who wants to come back with me?

60
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,123
Fine.

61
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:33,046
My attorney, Lionel Hutz,
calls your attention

62
00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,423
to municipal code 147-C-

63
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,467
"protection of
antiquities and fossils."

64
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,968
That's right.

65
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,057
There aren't any fossils here,
little girl.

66
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:46,643
Museum folks
dug 'em all up years ago.

67
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,228
But what if they
missed something?

68
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,772
You have to allow
an archaeological survey.

69
00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,565
Who's gonna make us? You?

70
00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:57,862
Now, hold on, Sid. Hold on.

71
00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,405
May be we should
let the kid dig.

72
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,865
Could be good publicity.

73
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,286
Oh, yes.
I'd rather do that.

74
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,706
OK. You wanna dig? Be my guest.

75
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,959
Fine! We'll see you in court!

76
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,670
- Mr. Hutz, we won.
- "We"?

77
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,132
Principal Skinner,
remember how I didn't sue

78
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,593
when I found that scorpion
in my applesauce?

79
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,470
Well, I'm calling in a favor.

80
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:25,431
Mm, I knew
this day would come.

81
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,557
Attention.

82
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,851
All honor students
will be rewarded

83
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,104
with a trip
to an archaeological dig!

84
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:35,650
Conversely, all detention
students will be punished

85
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,443
with a trip
to an archaeological dig.

86
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,154
- Oh, no. Not tomorrow.
- Oh, crud.

87
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:48,037
Gonna dig me a hole
Gonna dig me a hole.

88
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,165
Gonna put a nerd in it
Gonna put a nerd in it.

89
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,961
Gonna take a firecracker
Gonna take a firecracker.

90
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:57,130
This is so exciting.

91
00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,673
I can't wait to see
what we find.

92
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,134
I must admit,
it is rather exciting. And...

93
00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,469
Look!
Here's something right here.

94
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:06,431
It appears to be
some sort of rock.

95
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:09,142
Oh, no, no.
It's just a clump of dirt.

96
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,687
Even so, my heart
is pounding like a kettle drum.

97
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,647
I'd better
sit down for a moment.

98
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,735
"Prinskipper Skippal"
"Prinnipple Skipper"-

99
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,111
I-I found something!

100
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,866
It's a spearhead!

101
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,409
That's your
trowel blade, Ralph.

102
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:27,744
It fell off the handle.

103
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,162
And I found it!

104
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:31,247
OK, everyone, back to work!

105
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,667
You never know when we might
uncover a tyrannosaurus.

106
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,682
Well, this was a big bust.

107
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:53,019
Come on, kids.
Let's go home to our mothers.

108
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:56,189
Don't give up.
I'm sure we'll find something.

109
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,525
Come on. Come on!

110
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,570
A bottle cap, a shoe,
a bar of gold... anything!

111
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:11,037
Everybody, come quick!

112
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,166
Hey, what is that?

113
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:16,584
Hope it's not-

114
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,211
Let me through.
I got here late.

115
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,177
Hmm, from the looks of it,

116
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:29,347
I'd say this fellow died
from causes unknown.

117
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:34,519
Look, there's more!
What the heck is this thing?

118
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:38,314
Speaking from a strictly medical
point of view, that ain't right.

119
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,779
Oh, my goodness!

120
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,698
What is it, Lisa?

121
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,909
It looks like a human skeleton.

122
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,703
But these other bones
look almost like wings.

123
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,872
You mean, like... an angel?

124
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,291
Well, obviously,
that's impossible.

125
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,918
Lisa's right. It's an angel!

126
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:04,257
Now, that's
interesting.

127
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,221
But it can't be an angel!

128
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,514
Oh, no?

129
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,033
Well, if you're so sure
what it ain't,

130
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,684
how about telling us
what it am?

131
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:19,397
Well, maybe it's, uh...

132
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,401
uh, a neanderthal who got bitten
by some angry fish.

133
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,165
Oh, I got to say, Lisa.

134
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,834
It sounds like you're straining
to do some explaining.

135
00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,711
Yeah, everyone's heard
of angels, but...

136
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:44,797
Who's ever heard of
a "neanderthal"?

137
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,633
It could be anything.

138
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,011
It could be a mutant
from the nuclear plant.

139
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:51,094
Oh, fiddle-faddle.

140
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,055
Everyone knows
our mutants have flippers.

141
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,683
Ooh, oops. I've said too much.

142
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,268
Smithers, use the amnesia ray.

143
00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,395
- You mean, the revolver, sir?
- Precisely.

144
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,707
Be sure to wipe your own memory
clear when you're finished.

145
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,858
Now, regardless
of what this thing is,

146
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,194
it's a priceless
scientific find.

147
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,613
So our most
pressing concern now

148
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,073
is determining who owns
such a valuable skeleton.

149
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,867
And I'd like to suggest
that I do.

150
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:17,663
Excuse me.

151
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,874
I'd like to hear
from Lionel Hutz.

152
00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:22,001
It's a thorny legal issue,
all right.

153
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:25,463
I'll need to refer to the case
of finders versus keepers.

154
00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,715
Oh, we can work this out,
friends.

155
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:30,551
In the spirit of sharing,
what say we simply place

156
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,179
the sacred bones...

157
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,555
So long, suckers!

158
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,603
Come on. Come on, angel.

159
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,897
What are you doing with that?

160
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,441
I'm locking it up
in my safe-deposit closet

161
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,901
with my other valuables.

162
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,779
I'll just leave it
in here a few years

163
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:52,406
and let it appreciate in value.

164
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,200
It's probably
a million years old, Dad.

165
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:55,963
I think it's as valuable
as it's gonna get.

166
00:08:56,953 --> 00:09:00,331
That's what they said about
this billy beer, smarty-pants.

167
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:06,921
We elected the wrong Carter.

168
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:08,047
Coming up next,

169
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,758
an hilarious boat
giveaway scam,

170
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:13,511
nets Springfield's
dumbest criminals.

171
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:16,931
Sounds like good watching.

172
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,979
He-hey there, Marge.
Just brought the kids over

173
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,662
to share a prayer with
the blessed angel,

174
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,815
if it's okay with you.

175
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,942
Get your own
angel, you moocher!

176
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:30,611
Thanks anyway, Homer.

177
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,284
Oh, hello, Agnes.

178
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,618
Sorry to trouble you,

179
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,620
but I'm going in
for surgery tomorrow

180
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,038
and I wondered if I could

181
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,374
rub the angel with my foot
for good luck.

182
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:44,542
It's foot surgery.

183
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,794
Hey, I'm trying to eat here!

184
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,170
Beat it, peg leg!

185
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,714
Jackass!

186
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,048
Marge.

187
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,388
We wanna see the angel.

188
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,975
Come on, Homer.
I just want a quick look-see.

189
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,561
- Pay you a buck.
- A buck, eh?

190
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,646
That gives me an idea.

191
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,065
Fifty cents, please.

192
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,734
Here's the angel.

193
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,570
See the angel
it's my angel.

194
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:15,990
No one else's
next to the rags.

195
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:18,743
Dad, it's not fair to claim
this thing is an angel.

196
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:20,119
There's no proof of that.

197
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,455
No one's
calling it an angel, Lisa.

198
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,165
If you look carefully,

199
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:27,126
you'll notice I never
once used the word "angel."

200
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,502
What about
that sign right there?

201
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:29,962
That's a typo.

202
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,340
Just let me take it
to the museum for one day.

203
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:36,177
They can do scientific tests
and prove it's not an angel.

204
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:39,430
Oh, no. Oh, no. We could lose
out on bags and bags of money.

205
00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,098
It's sacrilegious, I tell ya.

206
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,456
Wow, it's so lifelike.

207
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:16,717
Astonishing.
Simply astonishing.

208
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,387
One of the most singular
specimens I've encountered

209
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,639
in all my distinguished career.

210
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,307
But enough about my work.

211
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,850
What did you
want to show me, Lisa?

212
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:27,895
It's a bone scraping
from that skeleton I found.

213
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,523
Oh, yeah. The so-called angel.

214
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,733
The whole thing's
preposterous, of course.

215
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,193
Quite preposterous.

216
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:37,530
But no one will believe me
until I can prove what it really is.

217
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:39,323
Can't you do a DNA test
or something?

218
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,076
Certainly. I'll have
the results by tomorrow.

219
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:43,703
Oh, thank you so much.

220
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:47,081
Um, you know,
I can't afford to pay you.

221
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:50,084
I didn't become a scientist
for financial gain.

222
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,753
Whatever little money
you have will be just fine.

223
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,675
I say it's the angel of peace,
you idiot.

224
00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,010
I say it's the angel of mercy,
you jerk.

225
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,094
Excuse me.

226
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:04,515
I took a piece of the skeleton
for scientific analysis.

227
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,392
Soon we'll have all the facts.

228
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:07,518
You did what?

229
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,270
You know what?
I don't like that.

230
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:11,355
Facts are meaningless.

231
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,982
You can use
facts to prove anything

232
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,109
that's even remotely true.

233
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:16,652
Facts, schmacts.

234
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,779
Ah, here's Dr. Gould now.

235
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,282
What were the results,
professor?

236
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:22,533
Inconclusive.

237
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,326
"Inconclusive"?

238
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,662
Then why'd you come
running up like that?

239
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,331
Can I use your bathroom?

240
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,962
Well, it appears science
has faltered once again

241
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:38,632
in the face of overwhelming
religious evidence.

242
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,593
- But...
- Go home, science girl.

243
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:41,719
I am home.

244
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:42,802
Good. Stay there.

245
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:46,307
OK, folks.
Get your "angel glow sticks."

246
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,684
No one gets into heaven
without a glow stick.

247
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,769
I'll take four.

248
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:54,064
Agh! Those morons
make me so angry.

249
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:57,777
Maybe so, but I'd appreciate it
if you didn't call them morons.

250
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,403
But they are morons.

251
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,530
What grown person
could believe in angels?

252
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,531
Well...

253
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,617
Your mother, for one.

254
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,160
You?

255
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:10,289
But, y-you're
an intelligent person, Mom.

256
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:14,251
There has to be more to life
than just what we see, Lisa.

257
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,545
Everyone needs
something to believe in.

258
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,298
It's not that I don't have
a spiritual side.

259
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,800
I just find it hard to believe

260
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,511
there's a dead angel
hanging in our garage.

261
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:26,555
Hmm. My poor Lisa.

262
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,183
If you can't make a leap
of faith now and then,

263
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:32,102
well, I feel sorry for you.

264
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,688
Don't feel sorry for me, Mom.

265
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,982
I feel sorry for you.

266
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,901
Next on Smartline,

267
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,070
the Springfield
angel controversy.

268
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,864
Our guest tonight, making her 13th
appearance on Smartline,

269
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,617
- Miss Lisa Simpson.
- Kent.

270
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,537
Miss Simpson, how can you
maintain your skepticism

271
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,330
in spite of the fact
this thing really,

272
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:52,790
really looks like an angel?

273
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,500
I just think it's a fantasy.

274
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,961
If you believe in angels,
then why not unicorns

275
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:58,629
or sea monsters or leprechauns?

276
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:00,673
Oh, that's a bunch of baloney, Lisa!

277
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,800
Everyone knows
leprechauns are extinct.

278
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:06,554
Look, you can either accept
science and face reality

279
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:07,847
or you can believe in angels

280
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,849
and live in a childish dreamworld.

281
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,852
Science? What's science
ever done for us?

282
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,144
TV off.

283
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:15,980
Science is like a blabbermouth

284
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:18,482
who ruins a movie
by telling you how it ends.

285
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,859
Well, I say
there are some things

286
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:22,194
we don't wanna know,
important things.

287
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,321
Yeah, he's right!

288
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,447
Enough talk.

289
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,324
It's smashing time!

290
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,671
Take that and that and...

291
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,506
I'm paralyzed.

292
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,050
I just hope medical science
can cure me.

293
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,933
Why? Why was I programmed
to feel pain?

294
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:55,728
Technocrats are learning
a lesson in humility tonight

295
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,479
as angel supporters lay waste

296
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:01,108
to Springfield's
scientific institutions.

297
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:04,528
Ugh! I wish I'd never found
those stupid bones!

298
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,071
It's time to put
an end to this.

299
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,073
Bart, I'm borrowing
your blue crowbar.

300
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,575
Good ol' blue-y.

301
00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:11,744
Hey, she's gonna
smash the angel!

302
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:13,454
Somebody stop her!

303
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,543
It's gone!

304
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,253
Oh, no!

305
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,880
This can't be happening!

306
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:27,176
What the hell are we gonna do
with 10,000 angel ashtrays?

307
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,261
- I could take up smoking.
- You damn well better.

308
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:37,311
Okay. Okay, don't panic.
Marge, stop panicking!

309
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:39,563
We need a replacement skeleton,
and we need it now.

310
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,315
Bart, strip down
to your skeleton.

311
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,778
We've come
for the angel, Homer.

312
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,446
It's not safe
with the unbeliever.

313
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,531
It's gone! We're too late.

314
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,618
Little girl, what have you done
with our precious angel?

315
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,995
Nothing!
Someone must have stolen it.

316
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,747
Looks to me like Lisa Simpson

317
00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,042
found something
science couldn't explain,

318
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,336
so she had to destroy it.

319
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:05,339
Well, that's all the evidence
I need. Arrest the girl.

320
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:08,634
- Hey!
- What? She didn't do anything.

321
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,886
Give her a nice cell...
Something in "C" block.

322
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,641
Lisa Simpson, you are charged

323
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:19,353
with destruction of an historic curiosity,
a misdemeanor.

324
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:20,646
But in a larger sense,

325
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,357
this trial will settle
the age-old question

326
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,442
of science versus religion.

327
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,528
Let the opening
statements commence.

328
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:31,240
Your Honor, over the coming
weeks and months,

329
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,368
we intend to prove Lisa Simpson
willfully destroyed...

330
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:35,536
There's the angel!

331
00:16:44,878 --> 00:16:47,256
I find the defendant
not guilty.

332
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:49,299
As for science versus religion,

333
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,010
I'm issuing a restraining order.

334
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:54,805
Religion must stay 500 yards
from science at all times.

335
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:02,354
Wow!
Do you think it flew up here?

336
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,606
Well, it didn't
ride up on no zebra.

337
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,066
Look, a message!

338
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,319
"The end will
come at sundown."

339
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,363
Hey...

340
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:14,241
Wait a second.
I don't like the sound of that.

341
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,160
I'm scared, Daddy.

342
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,245
Too scared
to even wet my pants.

343
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:21,081
It's OK, son.
Just relax, and it'll come.

344
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,417
Even Lisa Simpson
must now agree.

345
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,419
We have witnessed a miracle.

346
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,963
Hardly.
Anyone could've written that.

347
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,467
Oh, angel, listen not
to this child of Satan.

348
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:32,885
Reverend, I've got to admit.

349
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:36,096
This doomsday warning
has me just a smidge twitterpated.

350
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,432
Oh, now, be calm, Ned.

351
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:41,977
But be afraid also,
tremendously afraid

352
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,480
for the day
of reckoning is upon us!

353
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:46,607
Reckoning?

354
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,450
Your Holiness,
there is word from America.

355
00:17:56,533 --> 00:18:00,120
They say an angel
has foretold the apocalypse.

356
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,914
Um, keep an eye on it.

357
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:04,583
This could be
our last day together, my love.

358
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:08,837
How about a farewell romp
in the garden of earthly delights?

359
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,799
Oh, Edna, my sweet buttercup,
you read my mind.

360
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,801
Just, uh, give me 20 minutes

361
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,469
or so to finish
these tardy slips.

362
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,263
Why we getting dressed-up, Mom?

363
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,515
Are we going to Black Angus?

364
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:22,392
Well, you might say we're going

365
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,062
to the best steakhouse
in the whole universe.

366
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,356
So we're not going
to Black Angus.

367
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:30,526
Will you leave me alone?

368
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,152
It's bad enough
you're making me

369
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,029
go to your stupid judgment day.

370
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,489
Please, Lisa.

371
00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:38,492
I don't know
exactly what's gonna happen.

372
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:42,162
But I really wish we could
make peace before sunset.

373
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,540
Nothing is going
to happen, Mom!

374
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:45,916
I hate to disappoint you,

375
00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:48,460
but the world
is not coming to an end.

376
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,094
Well, shall we sing a hymn?

377
00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,513
Uh, "Nearer,
My God, to Thee" maybe?

378
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:01,682
Or-or-or-or "Amazing Grace"?

379
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,183
Mm. Nah.

380
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:07,146
Oh, Marge.
Don't let go, no matter what.

381
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,309
If they want you in heaven,
they got to take me, too.

382
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,818
Ten seconds till sundown.

383
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:22,578
We did it. We beat cancer.

384
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,330
Oh, what the hell?

385
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,665
Mwah!

386
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,458
Seven, six...

387
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,086
Five, four,

388
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,423
three, two, one.

389
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:48,020
Well, there you go.
I hope you all learned a val...

390
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,104
Silence!

391
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,575
Prepare for the end!

392
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,787
The end of high prices!

393
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:06,955
What?

394
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,250
Behold!

395
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:13,921
The grand opening
of the Heavenly Hills Mall.

396
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:19,760
Please just follow the angel
for all your shopping needs!

397
00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:29,311
Wait a second!

398
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:32,064
You planted a phony skeleton
for me to find!

399
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,732
This was all a big hoax!

400
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,110
Not a hoax, a publicity stunt.

401
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:40,155
You exploited
people's deepest beliefs

402
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,616
just to hawk your cheesy wares?

403
00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:45,118
Well, we are outraged!

404
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:46,119
Aren't we?

405
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,121
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we're outraged.

406
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,415
Very, uh, very much so.

407
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,669
But look at all the stores!
A-a pottery barn!

408
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,796
And 20% off everything?

409
00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:57,506
Hey, does that
include rat spray?

410
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:58,507
Oh, yeah.

411
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,384
- Out of my way, shorty!
- Hey!

412
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,933
I don't understand, professor.

413
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:10,894
Why didn't your tests
show the skeleton was a fake?

414
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,980
I'm gonna be honest
with you, Lisa.

415
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:15,107
I never did the tests.

416
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:20,779
Uh, sir, about that, uh...

417
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:22,948
that kiss-I-I hope

418
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:26,326
you understand it was merely
a sign of my respect.

419
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,328
Yes. Yes, of course.

420
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:34,293
Well, I guess
you were right, honey.

421
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:35,961
But you have to admit,

422
00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:37,963
when that angel started to talk

423
00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:40,424
you were squeezing
my hand pretty hard.

424
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:45,137
Well, it was just
so loud and...

425
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,764
Thanks for squeezing back.

426
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:49,933
Anytime, my angel.

427
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,113
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