1
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,506
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:26,860
...Scratchy Show.

3
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:34,909
I want a job.

4
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,661
You've got it.

5
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:46,879
I quit.

6
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:55,513
No! No! No!

7
00:00:58,349 --> 00:01:00,226
Man, you'd think
the quality would dip

8
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,312
after 5,500 shows, but...

9
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,441
Well, the F.C.C.
isn't laughing.

10
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:07,960
They don't believe kids
are learning anything

11
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,444
from Itchy and Scratchy.

12
00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:10,779
Oh, please!

13
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:11,905
What don't they learn?

14
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,573
Don't trust mice.

15
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,158
Cats are made of glass.

16
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,243
Our license renewal
is on the bubble.

17
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,871
We need educational
programming fast.

18
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,790
What about that
Mattel and Mars Bar

19
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:24,000
quick energy Chocobot hour?

20
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,460
That's barely legal as it is.

21
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:26,753
Here's what I was thinking.

22
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:29,798
A newscast for kids by kids.

23
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,258
Well, you're not taking
any time out of my show.

24
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,718
It's jammed up as it is.

25
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,221
There's the monologue,
those idiot puppets,

26
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,890
Krusty's nap time,
the second monologue,

27
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:41,351
Paul Harvey, Senor Pepino...

28
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:44,729
I tell you, it's the tightest three hours
and 10 minutes on TV.

29
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,413
We're cutting ten minutes
from your show.

30
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,818
Well, I guess we could trim
the hobo parade to a lean 20.

31
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:54,364
Ach! She's a bonny pile.

32
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,991
Now for a wee nip
and a wee nap.

33
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Ready, Milhouse?

34
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,792
Ready!

35
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,761
You owe me a quarter.
I didn't crack my skull.

36
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:17,971
Rats!

37
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,891
Ach! Me pile!

38
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,310
It's been raped
of its bonniness!

39
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,604
Hi, Willie.

40
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,941
- My board!
- Yeah. It's Willie's board now.

41
00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:32,318
And she'll make
a fine piece of kindling.

42
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,533
Sorry! Willie can't hear you.

43
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It's pure.

44
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,684
I really didn't want it
to come to this.

45
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:13,943
Lisa, Channel Six is launching
a children's news program.

46
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,571
And they've asked me to select
an outstanding student

47
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to be anchor-child.

48
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:20,325
Oh, my gosh!
Today's top story,

49
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:22,261
"Little girl on cloud nine
as dream comes true."

50
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:25,538
Lisa, I've selected you
to be that child anchor.

51
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,624
I know. I already jumped
to that conclusion.

52
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:30,335
Hmm. All right,
if you're so smart,

53
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:32,795
tell me who I selected
to be lunchroom monitor.

54
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:33,963
Me?

55
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,257
Take your sash and go.

56
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,136
This isn't right!

57
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,971
This isn't right at all!

58
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,352
I'll have to eat my way out.

59
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,941
Ach! It's terrible!

60
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:03,868
My shack!

61
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,495
My beautiful shack!

62
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:08,206
Oh, and I just got it
the way I like it.

63
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,878
You did this, Bart Simpson!

64
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,338
The man knows quality work.

65
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:18,174
This time you're
in for it, Bart!

66
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,592
Hah! What's he going to do?

67
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,052
I'll kill ya!

68
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,139
All right, back
on the stretcher.

69
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,309
And I'll be able
to tackle

70
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:29,793
all the hard-hitting
children's news

71
00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:31,813
the grown-up controlled
media won't touch.

72
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,731
Plus, I get to be on TV!

73
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,900
Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you.

74
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,944
All your hard work
and grade-grubbing

75
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,071
have finally paid off.

76
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,906
So who's on your news team?

77
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,616
Nerd, nerd...

78
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:44,742
Nelson?!

79
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,869
Well, we used to date.
Plus, he threatened me.

80
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,997
Well, don't worry about sports.
I got that covered.

81
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,080
Back off, Bart.

82
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,583
This may be the only chance
I get as a second grader

83
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,876
to produce my own TV show,

84
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,545
and I'm not gonna let
you screw it up.

85
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:56,628
Mom...

86
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,506
Oh, let your brother do sports.

87
00:04:58,589 --> 00:04:59,465
Mom...

88
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,010
That "mom" stuff
doesn't work on me.

89
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,182
Ooh! "The gum with
the cracker center."

90
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:12,395
That'll do it, Apu, so just...

91
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,565
Do not be alarmed.

92
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,735
That is just
my helper monkey, sir.

93
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,069
I got him after a robber

94
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,905
shot me six times
and left me for dead.

95
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,867
Helper monkey, eh?

96
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,622
Hey, I'm on TV!

97
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:32,706
Fart!

98
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,084
Come on! Quit
fooling around, you guys.

99
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,339
So, we meet again, Mr. Bond.

100
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,174
Bart, get out
of my anchor chair.

101
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,967
Silence, Octopussy!

102
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,303
Come on! This isn't a joke.

103
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,680
All over town, kids are just
waking up from their naps,

104
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,474
cranky and hungry for the news.

105
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,185
Wow! Kent Brockman!

106
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,603
Good luck, kids.

107
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:56,314
Where the hell's
my grilled cheese?

108
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,069
I'd like a monkey, please.

109
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:03,488
And maybe one of those dogs.
What do they do?

110
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,366
Um... They serve as seeing eyes
for the blind, sir.

111
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,867
They do any other tricks?

112
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:10,286
- No.
- Just the monkey then.

113
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,998
Uh... May I inquire as to how
you are differently abled?

114
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,210
I'm not handicapped.

115
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:18,961
I'm just lazy.

116
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,880
Uh... Sir, helper monkeys
are only for

117
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:23,341
the physically challenged
or enfeebled.

118
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Enfeebled?

119
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,969
Ooh, I know just the guy.
Be right back.

120
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,934
Oh, son, this monkey's

121
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,936
going to change my life.

122
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,938
Mind if I take him for a ride?

123
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:38,940
Sure. I'll just stand here.

124
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:44,904
Mmm! I can't wait
to eat that monkey.

125
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,534
And now, Kidz Newz!

126
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:52,078
With Kidz Newz anchor, Lisa!

127
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,913
Pa pa pa
pa pa pam.

128
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:55,123
Thank you.

129
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,749
Our top story today.

130
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,377
In a move that could
affect children town-wide,

131
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,878
the library book
purchase committee

132
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,589
slashed its budget
by three percent.

133
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,426
First on the chopping block,
periodicals.

134
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Boring.

135
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,429
And now, sports.

136
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,722
Bart Simpson telling you
to lock the doggy in the barn

137
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,600
'cause here comes
dodgeball action!

138
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:17,437
The shirts continued
their domination over the skins today.

139
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,688
And in schoolyard fights,

140
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,607
the highly anticipated match
between Kearney and Mr. Largo

141
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,861
ended in a disqualification
for use of dog doo on a stick.

142
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:25,945
Lisa?

143
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:29,991
And we are out.

144
00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:31,909
All right, kids.
We learned a lot today.

145
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:35,079
Now, this is what
makes my job difficult.

146
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,039
Bart, you're off
the sports beat.

147
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,124
What?

148
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,918
Sorry, Bart. But you've got to
take some things seriously.

149
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:43,212
From now on,
you're Lisa's co-anchor.

150
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,589
What?!

151
00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,340
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

152
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,473
Anchorman, huh?
Well, if I'm going to be an anchorman,

153
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,266
I better go bleach
the crud off my teeth.

154
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:56,392
I'll be in makeup.

155
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,811
I don't need a co-anchor.

156
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,396
I'm a straight "A" student.

157
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,731
Lisa, Bart's got something

158
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,150
you can't learn
in school. Zazz.

159
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:05,318
What is "Zazz"?

160
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,111
Zing, zork, kapowza.

161
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,237
Call it what you want.

162
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,865
In any language, it spells
mazuma in the bank.

163
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,617
"Zork"? What is "zork"?

164
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:13,868
I didn't say "Zork."

165
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,620
The point is,
the camera loves him.

166
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:18,456
But that trivializes
the whole idea of Kidz Newz.

167
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:19,957
I mean, let's be honest.

168
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,585
Bart's not exactly
the brightest penny in the fountain.

169
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,629
In English, Lisa.

170
00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,340
Damn blueberry stains.

171
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,133
Look, I love Bart,

172
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,969
but he's never even
read a newspaper.

173
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:34,388
Between you and me,
he's, well...

174
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,390
Kind of dumb.

175
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,025
There a problem, honey?

176
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,486
Monkey!
There's a monkey in the house!

177
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,864
Relax. It's only Mojo.

178
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,824
- Mojo, Marge.
- Marge, Mojo.

179
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,868
He can do anything
you show him.

180
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,036
Watch.

181
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,664
Simpson residence.

182
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,461
Oh. Why didn't you tell me

183
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,380
you were bringing home
a filthy monkey?

184
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:11,509
This filthy monkey
made the orange juice you're drinking.

185
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,514
I'll show Lisa who's dumb.

186
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,725
"Supreme court reverses..."

187
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,896
I won't turn to the comics,
I won't turn to the comics.

188
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,231
All right.

189
00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:28,192
I'll read one comic just
to get me rolling... "Archie."

190
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,319
"Hey, Jughead, did you hear?

191
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,863
The supreme court reversed..."

192
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,076
Mom, am I dumb?

193
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,411
Honey,
I'd love to reassure you,

194
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,496
but right now, mommy needs
a tetanus shot.

195
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:47,545
Mr. Brockman, I need your help.

196
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:48,855
I've got to become
a great anchor

197
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,172
so I can show up my sister.

198
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,757
Sister, huh?

199
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,092
I've got a sister.

200
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,220
Miss Big-Shot-CNN
Washington correspondent.

201
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,598
But she's not the boss of me!

202
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,016
Come in.

203
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,227
Let's take the trophy
route to the den.

204
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,396
Twelve newsies.

205
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:06,689
Seven iron mikes.

206
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,899
Four golden coifs.

207
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,944
This is the most prestigious
award that Del Monte gives.

208
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,946
Do you want to hear
my award-winning secret?

209
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,698
Human interest stories.

210
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,117
They tug at the heart
and fog the mind.

211
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,286
Observe.

212
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,163
Hear that?

213
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,749
It's the sound
of children's laughter...

214
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,917
Silenced.

215
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,795
That's because tomorrow,
this old carousel

216
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:33,507
which has delighted young Americans
for, lo, these past six years...

217
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,969
Will be torn down
to make way for the future.

218
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,765
A store that sells
designer mouse pads.

219
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:43,684
Well, I guess there's
no room in this modern world

220
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,228
for old blackie here.

221
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,897
But if you don't mind,

222
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:52,735
this reporter is going for...
One last ride.

223
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,904
To everything.

224
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,990
Turn, turn, turn...

225
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,367
This is Kent Brockman...

226
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,620
Turn, turn, turn...

227
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:03,703
Reporting.

228
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:08,834
And now,

229
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,795
Kidz Newz.

230
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,797
Marge, the kids are on.

231
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:16,425
The monkey's
on my part of the sofa.

232
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,679
Honey, he's clearly
marked his territory.

233
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,766
We'll bring you more
on this chalk shortage as it continues.

234
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,768
And now, Bart's
been looking into

235
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,230
that alleged ham salad from
yesterday's school lunch.

236
00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:30,773
No, I haven't, Lisa,

237
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,483
because I went out
with a camera

238
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,819
and did a different
kind of story.

239
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,612
Bart,
I really think we should stick...

240
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,780
It's about a man...

241
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,073
A simple man.

242
00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,783
He's one of...

243
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,660
"Bart's People."

244
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,497
Joe Banks, 82 years young,

245
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,499
has come to this pond every day

246
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:51,836
for the past 17 years
to feed the ducks.

247
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:54,046
The last month,
Joe made a discovery.

248
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,508
The ducks were gone.

249
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:59,802
Some say the ducks
went to Canada.

250
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,804
Others say Toronto,

251
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,264
and some people think

252
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:06,517
that Joe used to sit down
there, near those ducks.

253
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,810
But it could be

254
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:11,063
that there's just no room
in this modern world

255
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:14,984
for an old man and his ducks.

256
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:18,237
Where have all the flowers gone.

257
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:22,366
Long time passing...

258
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,410
Smithers...

259
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,370
Do you think maybe
my power plant

260
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:27,747
killed those ducks?

261
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,999
There's no maybe about it, sir.

262
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,251
Excellent.

263
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,545
Marge, can I get a duck?

264
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:37,423
You already have a monkey.

265
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:38,632
Can he get a duck?

266
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:39,925
No!

267
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,973
One man, no ducks.

268
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,224
Lisa?

269
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,101
That's Kidz Newz. Good night.

270
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,396
Way to go Bart.

271
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:56,442
That wasn't news.

272
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,611
That was sappy,
manipulative drivel.

273
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,864
Well. I'm sorry you couldn't
feel for Old Joe.

274
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:02,966
You didn't feel
for him, either,

275
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,533
you big, fat phony!

276
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,868
Bart, look up here.

277
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:08,370
This is where the tears
would be if I could cry.

278
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,539
But I can't. Botched face-lift.

279
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,291
You could learn
from him, Mary Ann.

280
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,418
- It's Lisa.
- Mary Ann's better.

281
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,297
They want cheap sentiment?

282
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,650
I'll pump them so full of sap,
they'll be blowing their nose

283
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:21,675
with a pancake!

284
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,637
They call her "The Cat Lady."

285
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,013
People say she's crazy

286
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:28,641
just because she has
a few dozen cats.

287
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:32,311
But can anyone who loves animals
that much really be crazy?

288
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:42,571
The old Union Pacific doesn't
come by here much anymore...

289
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,552
Come on. Come to papa.

290
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,346
Good boy, Mojo.

291
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,473
Now, bring them down
and I'll give you one.

292
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:15,396
Will you... stop that?

293
00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:16,522
You're a helper monkey!

294
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:17,940
This isn't helping!

295
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,904
Oh... I don't need your pity.

296
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,788
Our forgotten veterans.

297
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,290
Their guns are quiet now...

298
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,041
Their helmets lost or pawned,

299
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,835
and yet, here they are,

300
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:40,629
making flags
out of old clothes.

301
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:44,550
Sure, they may not have
the right number of stripes

302
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:48,596
and the colors are all wrong,
and some purists will tell you

303
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:52,641
the American flag doesn't
contain the word "Jordache."

304
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,853
But, you now, if they
run this up the flagpole,

305
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:58,105
I'll salute.
I'm Bart Simpson.

306
00:14:58,188 --> 00:14:59,899
Hmm. Thank you, Bart,

307
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,151
for yet another
touching "Bart's People."

308
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,319
Now, turning to...

309
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,988
I just think our veterans deserve
a little recognition.

310
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,490
That's what Veterans Day
is for, Bart.

311
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:12,912
But is that really enough
to honor our brave soldiers?

312
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,915
They also
have Memorial Day.

313
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,459
Oh, Lisa, maybe you're right.
Maybe you're wrong.

314
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,462
The important thing is,
veterans deserve a day to honor them.

315
00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:23,005
They have two!

316
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,506
Well, maybe they
should have three.

317
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,591
I'm Bart Simpson.

318
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,971
Oh, my! Look at
all these letters

319
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,098
from people who want
to be "Bart's People," Bart.

320
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,060
I wish they could all
be "Bart's People," Mom.

321
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:37,811
I truly do.

322
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,688
I'm proud of you, honey.

323
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,124
You're finally giving
something back

324
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:45,152
to the community
after taking so, so much.

325
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:49,073
Hmm. Really makes you think.

326
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,866
What does that even mean?

327
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,243
Mom might not see
through you, but I do.

328
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,162
You don't care about
any of these people.

329
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,164
Well, if I'm guilty
of anything,

330
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,916
maybe it's caring too much.

331
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,084
I'm Bart Simpson.

332
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,086
Stop talking like that!
Stop it!

333
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,754
Lisa, please!

334
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:06,298
You have absolutely
no reason to be jealous.

335
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,925
You're still
a very important part

336
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,468
of Bart's show.

337
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,975
"Bart's Show"!

338
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,851
If everybody knew
what a phony Bart was,

339
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,937
he'd be off
that show so fast...

340
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:21,480
I've got it!

341
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,870
Hey, Lise, be a doll
and hand me that sealant.

342
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:43,752
Hey, here's another letter
for "Bart's People."

343
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:47,297
Oh, so many souls,
so little air time.

344
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:49,883
"Dear Bart,

345
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,176
I came to this country

346
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,345
hoping to share
the American dream.

347
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,723
But after many years
of backbreaking labor,

348
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:58,392
I find myself homeless
and sleeping in a junkyard."

349
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:00,519
Oh, how terrible. Read on.

350
00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:01,895
"Should I abandon hope

351
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,023
or fight on bravely
against impossible odds?"

352
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,150
Oh, this is too perfect.

353
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,860
It is, isn't it?

354
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:10,320
I'm going to put him
on the air tonight live.

355
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,823
Oh, Bart, you'll have
to ride your bike pretty fast

356
00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:13,949
to get out there in time.

357
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,284
Nah, I'll just
take the chopper.

358
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:17,244
They gave you a chopper?!

359
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:24,001
Mojo, will you wipe my mouth?

360
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,255
Oh, for Pete's sakes!

361
00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:30,174
Why is that monkey
wearing a diaper?

362
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:31,592
I thought he was housebroken.

363
00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:37,931
You said this monkey
would be sweeping the floors

364
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,266
and cleaning the gutters.

365
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:42,936
And now he just lies there,
struggling to breathe.

366
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:48,108
What do you want?
His cholesterol's through the roof.

367
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,360
I want you to take
that monkey back

368
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,739
so he can be rehabilitated
and get a second chance.

369
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,908
No, no. He's fine.

370
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,034
Go on, Mojo.

371
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,744
Show Marge your happy dance.

372
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,336
And so on.

373
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,722
Mojo! What have
they done to you?!

374
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:25,604
Pray... For... Mojo.

375
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:28,607
So, by waking up a little early

376
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,484
and having
some extra sheets handy,

377
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:32,277
no one's the wiser.

378
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,322
Tomorrow,
destroying the evidence.

379
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,742
Uh, thank you, Milhouse.

380
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,203
Now it's time for today's
special live edition

381
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,163
of "Bart's People."

382
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:48,168
Lisa, I've just arrived
at the Springfield dump.

383
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,087
A lot of things get
thrown out here...

384
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:53,423
Sometimes, even a human being.

385
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,385
Somewhere in this pile
of twisted metal

386
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,095
and soiled mattresses...

387
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,639
...lives a poor immigrant

388
00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:04,226
whose home
was cruelly... taken away.

389
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,894
Yeah! By you!

390
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,062
Groundskeeper Willie!

391
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,941
So you're the immigrant
I'm here to help.

392
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:14,027
Help?!
You destroyed my house

393
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,613
and reduced me
to living in a dump!

394
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,092
Groundskeeper Willie, furious with
the government that let him down.

395
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,160
I'm Bart...

396
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,704
I'll kill you!

397
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:29,293
Oh, no! What have I done?

398
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:30,711
Nelson, cover for me.

399
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:49,855
Oh, Bart, it's me, a jolly policeman.

400
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,648
Oh, we got Willie.

401
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:53,817
Come on out
so we can give you a medal.

402
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,486
Way to go, officer.

403
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,742
Willie, stop!

404
00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:04,161
Away with you!
I got to finish him off

405
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,705
while I'm still
temporarily insane.

406
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,541
No, you can't hurt Bart!
He's...

407
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,044
Well, he's your son!

408
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:13,127
What?!

409
00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:15,380
Well, not literally.

410
00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:19,009
But, in a way, isn't
he everyone's son?

411
00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:21,428
For you see, that
little hell-raiser

412
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:24,181
is the spawn of every
shrieking commercial.

413
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,350
Every brain-rotting soda pop.

414
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:29,186
Every teacher who cares
less about young minds

415
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:32,272
than about cashing
their big, fat paychecks.

416
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,775
No, Bart's not to blame.

417
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:36,360
You can't create a monster

418
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:39,112
and then whine when he stomps
on a few buildings.

419
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:40,364
I'm Lisa Simpson.

420
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,577
You're right.

421
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,371
It's all Willie's fault.

422
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:49,665
I've been a terrible father.

423
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:52,209
Hey, Lise, thanks.

424
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:53,961
Boy, that phony
schmaltz of yours

425
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:55,420
sure is powerful stuff.

426
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,923
Uh, yeah, but I have
a certain respect

427
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:00,676
for that whole "truth" and
"hard work" thing that you do.

428
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:02,761
You know, Bart, if we combined

429
00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:05,055
your showmanship
with my integrity,

430
00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:07,557
we could make kids
really care about the news.

431
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:08,892
You're right.

432
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:11,728
If we work together,
there's no stoppin' us.

433
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:19,027
The new, improved Kidz Newz
has been canceled.

434
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,113
Stay tuned
for The Mattel and Mars Bar.

435
00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:22,948
Quick Energy Chocobot Hour.

436
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,243
You can count on us,
Mr. President.

437
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:27,703
Major Nougat.

438
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:28,829
Gooey, Cocoa,

439
00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:31,123
put down those entertaining
Mattel products.

440
00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:36,044
Colonel Ka-Taffy
is up to his old tricks.

441
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,963
Let's power up!

442
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,426
I can't believe they
canceled us for this stupid...

443
00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:44,553
Shut up!
I'm trying to watch this.

444
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,055
Chocolate away!

445
00:22:43,236 --> 00:22:45,238
Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services