1 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,709 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:10,844 Okay, Mary, you're a big city girl 3 00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:13,213 who never stops to enjoy the little things in life. 4 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,415 And today, it all pays off. 5 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:18,452 Congratulations, Mary. 6 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:21,622 All the movies you've produced for the Heartmark Channel 7 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,423 are huge hits! 8 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,259 I mean, Murder She Braised 9 00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,461 scored in every single one of our key demos. 10 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:31,431 Women 18 to 49 and women 49 and up. 11 00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:33,967 Well, I'm very passionate about telling stories 12 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,936 about homemakers who solve mysteries. 13 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:38,639 How would you like to be president 14 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:42,543 of our entire Homemaker Mysteries division? 15 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,278 Thank you, sir. When do I start? 16 00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:46,280 What? Hey‐‐ oh, not so fast. 17 00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:48,949 One of our other movies is in a little bit of trouble. 18 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,984 I need you to put out a few fires 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:55,055 on the set of A Christmas Ornament for Christmas. 20 00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:57,424 A Christmas movie? 21 00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,126 Mary, this is Heartmark. 22 00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:01,161 Christmas movies are our bread and butter. 23 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,896 You get this one back on track, 24 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,765 the promotion's yours. 25 00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:07,267 I won't let you down. 26 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,002 But you hate Christmas. 27 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,838 No, I hate Christmas movies. 28 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,408 How can anyone hate Christmas movies? 29 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:17,077 Trust me, I can. 30 00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:20,247 Look, if I want the promotion, I have to do this. 31 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,382 It's only for a few days. 32 00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:25,018 Ugh. You still don't know how I take my coffee, do you? 33 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,020 Honey, we've been engaged for two years. 34 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,855 When are you gonna stop caring about that? 35 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,023 (smooches) 36 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,024 (sighs) 37 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,026 So where are they sending you? 38 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,562 The last small town that can pass for Canada 39 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,564 passing for America that didn't already have 40 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,866 another one of our Christmas movies shooting in it. 41 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,935 ♪ ♪ 42 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,942 MOE: So... 43 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,611 real exciting having you 44 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,546 big‐city movie guys around. 45 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,982 - Uh‐huh. - Christmas movie shot in the summer. 46 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,950 Now, uh, why do youse do that? 47 00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,952 Well, it's for a variety of reasons. 48 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,554 Oh, reasons! (laughs) 49 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,656 Yeah, yeah, I figured, yeah. 50 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,091 And here you are. 51 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:08,562 Welcome to your Airbnb! 52 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,998 You must be Mary Tannenbaum. 53 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,666 I'm Marge Simpson. 54 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,334 Homer, the bags! 55 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,403 Yes, Mrs. Simpson. 56 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:23,510 ♪ Welcome to our humble home ♪ 57 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:27,681 ♪ We have chargers for your phone. ♪ 58 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:30,117 You know, I'm really tired. 59 00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:32,552 Of course, let me show you 60 00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:35,188 to the Bartholomew suite. 61 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:37,924 Oh, I can't believe Mom gave her my room. 62 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,460 She's gonna shed girl particles all over it. 63 00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,596 Shut up, boy, we're all in this together. 64 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,531 And by "we," I mean "me" 65 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:48,068 bleeding this movie production dry for 500 bucks a night. 66 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,537 Fine, then I'm sleeping in my treehouse. 67 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,205 Heh, good luck. 68 00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:54,107 I'm renting that out to the sound effects guy. 69 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,642 ‐(lion roars) ‐(explosion) 70 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,277 (Wilhelm scream) 71 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,813 - Aw, man, what the...? - (horn blows) 72 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,682 Please tell me you have Wi‐Fi. 73 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:04,184 Wi‐Fi do, that's news to me. 74 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,153 (laughs) 75 00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:07,954 (sighs) 76 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,758 - (gasps) - You work for Heartmark? 77 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,161 - Mm. - I've seen all the Christmas movies. 78 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,329 Christmas at Cozy Manor. 79 00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:18,565 A Soldier for Mommy at Christmas. 80 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,868 Okay, okay, in Flyover Country Christmas, 81 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:25,238 when Abigail found the nest of reindeer eggs, 82 00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,174 ‐what did she do‐‐ ‐Look, I have no idea. 83 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,409 I never work on Christmas movies. 84 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:30,944 (gasps) What? 85 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,380 But they're the best ones. 86 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,615 Not for me. 87 00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:37,517 I'm just here to put out a few fires 88 00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:40,353 and get home to the big city and my surgeon fiancé. 89 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,422 Sounds handsome. 90 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,992 MARGE: No rush. 91 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,265 Ta‐da! 92 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,101 It's not the Sex and City brunches 93 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,570 you're used to, but we do all right. 94 00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,705 I don't know what goes on an everything bagel, 95 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:01,308 so I just took a stab at it. 96 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:03,376 I actually don't eat bread. 97 00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:05,846 Or dairy or whatever those are. 98 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,315 All right, gluten balls! 99 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,350 Mmm, mmm! 100 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,152 (gulping) 101 00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,920 - (gasps) - Ms. Tannenbaum? 102 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,631 Do you mind if I shoot a behind‐the‐scenes documentary 103 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:19,426 about the movie to earn my Little Filmmaker merit badge? 104 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:22,429 I‐I don't really know how to talk to kids. 105 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,097 Neither do I! 106 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,832 I'll see you on set. 107 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,702 Look, I'll just grab something on my way. 108 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,504 Thanks so much. 109 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:34,574 Oh, why don't more foods come in "everything"? 110 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:38,111 What can I get you, hon? 111 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:41,014 I'll have an extra‐tall, nonfat, triple‐vegan espresso mocha, 112 00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:43,183 clean white, two‐pump, half‐barley water, 113 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,252 half‐macadamia milk with room for air. 114 00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,254 We got regular 115 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,723 and we got griddle drippings. 116 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,191 (Skinner laughs) 117 00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:53,260 I'm sorry, is something funny? 118 00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:56,263 Oh, just you city folk and your legume milks. 119 00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:58,865 That and this Pearls Before Swine comic. 120 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,201 I was laughing at both things simultaneously. 121 00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,970 Well, at least in the city, we don't all die at 60 122 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,039 from butter‐clogged heart failure. 123 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,474 No, don't go. 124 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,576 Maybe they've got some lentils you can milk. 125 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,645 - Or acorns. - (laughter) 126 00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:15,315 Ah, city folk. 127 00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:17,751 They don't know the joys of small‐town diners. 128 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,654 Like yelling gossip across a crowded room. 129 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,657 Hey, Sea Captain, how's the IBS? 130 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,560 Yarr, if I'm calm, it's calm. 131 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,430 You tell Markie Post that if she's got issues 132 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,866 with the script, I can have Swoosie Kurtz on the next plane 133 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,668 out here and for half her price. 134 00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:36,379 And if Swoosie Kurtz has a problem with that, 135 00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:38,004 Annie Potts is already here. 136 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,006 Great work, Mary, but we've got more problems. 137 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,742 One‐‐ I directed a hundred of these, they're all the same. 138 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:45,078 Two‐‐ our gazebo guy has come down 139 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,914 with a nasty case of carpenter's divorce. 140 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:52,953 Oh, why didn't I lock my iPad?! 141 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,754 Great. How will people know 142 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,357 this Christmas town is quaint without multiple gazebos? 143 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,125 And when you got that figured out, 144 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,195 some local nutjob has taken down our Christmas stuff. 145 00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:04,965 - Ugh. I'll take care of it. - (hammering) 146 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,533 BOTH: Ugh. It's you. 147 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,468 What do you think you're doing? 148 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,238 I'm setting up the town's annual Lettuce and Tomato Festival. 149 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,974 It's our summertime tradition in honor of too‐oft eaten, 150 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,143 but seldom celebrated workhorses of barbecue season. 151 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,545 The whole town turns out. 152 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,480 We're trying to shoot a movie here. 153 00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,083 Well, if your movie is anything like your gazebos, 154 00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,652 you're looking at some major structure problems, 155 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,320 and I should know. 156 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,191 Hmm. How about this? 157 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,326 You build our gazebos, and I'll make sure 158 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,595 they halt production for your little festival. 159 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:37,697 Mm. All right, you've got, 160 00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:40,734 as you say in the big city, a deal. 161 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:50,176 And... good enough. Or whatever. Who cares really? 162 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,878 (phone chimes) 163 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,080 Okay, movie's back on schedule, under budget, 164 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,183 and our shipment of cozy scarves was released from customs. 165 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,552 Ah, looks like mission accomplished, Mary. 166 00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,121 You know it, Cab Driver. 167 00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:02,956 I can't wait to get home to my condo, 168 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,225 my gay best friend and my surgeon fiancé. 169 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,494 And I'll never have to work on a... 170 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,529 Christmas movie again. 171 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,365 (phone rings) 172 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:14,801 Hello, sir. 173 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,836 Yes, everything's been taken care of. 174 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,406 You want me to stay for the entire shoot? 175 00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:22,008 And if I leave I won't get the promotion? 176 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,811 And I have an annoying way of talking on the phone? 177 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,379 Yes, sir. 178 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,450 It had to be a Christmas movie. 179 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:37,157 But Samantha, I can't go caroling with you. 180 00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:38,758 Your Christmas megastore's gonna put 181 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,569 my mom‐and‐pop ornament shop out of business. 182 00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:42,996 Oh, Bruce, all I cared about was my career, 183 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,165 but then we had that moment at Christmas Creek, 184 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,900 and things changed. 185 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,601 DIRECTOR: Cut! Cut! 186 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:50,103 You idiots are using the names 187 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,105 from the last one of these we shot. 188 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,374 You're Sondra and Jeff now. 189 00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,843 Don't worry. We can just dub the names in later. 190 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,278 Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 191 00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,779 None of this matters. 192 00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:02,148 All right, moving on to the... Ooh. 193 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,719 ...the golden retriever Christmas sweater fashion show. 194 00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:08,888 (panting) 195 00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,557 Simpson House Airbnb‐‐ 196 00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:12,726 home of the original gluten ball. 197 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,661 Free parking on Flanders' lawn. 198 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:17,797 Oh, Dad, the house is too full already. 199 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,799 I slept in the bathtub last night. 200 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:23,036 I woke up with drain marks on my face. 201 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,571 Suck it up, Drain Face. 202 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,040 This movie production's a gold mine. 203 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:30,977 Hey, how would you fellas like to sleep in my marital bed? 204 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,146 - BOTH: Hmm. - Oh! (grunts) 205 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:37,517 Yup. Nothing like the magic of a fully‐funded Hollywood set. 206 00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:41,354 Hmm. Who to gouge? Who to gouge? 207 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:44,491 Well, bad news. We're all out of fake snow. 208 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,192 So use one of the other brands‐‐ 209 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,895 Drift King, Flurry Slurry, Blizzard Butter. 210 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,196 No, there's none left. 211 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:51,698 Heartmark is shooting at least 212 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:54,100 50 other Christmas movies as we speak. 213 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,668 I don't care how much it costs. 214 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:57,437 Just find me some fake snow. 215 00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:00,206 Fake snow? More like easy dough. 216 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:03,610 How hard could it be to find white stuff to grind up? 217 00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:06,112 (instrumental of "Let It Snow" playing) 218 00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:13,386 (whirring) 219 00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:26,299 ♪ ♪ 220 00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,636 (whirring) 221 00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,046 Would you mind taking a break? 222 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,557 We're about to shoot the pivotal scene 223 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,982 where the two leads realize 224 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:44,484 they're starting to like each other. 225 00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:45,885 Well, well, 226 00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:48,655 the big city gal is telling me to slow down. 227 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,657 There's a humorous reversal for you. 228 00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:52,392 The gazebos look great. 229 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,160 You're very talented. 230 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,262 Oh, only with my hands. 231 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,465 (phone ringing) 232 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:04,671 Hey there! What a nice surprise! 233 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,506 Hey, babe. How are things in the boondocks? 234 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,074 God, you must be miserable. 235 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,578 Oh, yeah, I'm surrounded by a bunch of backwoods, 236 00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:13,513 lotto‐scratching, monster‐truck‐driving, 237 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,415 Big‐Gulp‐guzzling bumpkins. 238 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,684 I can't wait to go back to the city. 239 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:20,687 Well, it'll all be worth it when you get your big promotion‐‐ 240 00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:23,123 movie executive for a greeting card company. 241 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,191 See? I listen. 242 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,531 - ♪ ♪ - Ah. 243 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,467 Mm. 244 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,372 Okay, there's nowhere else to sleep. 245 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:41,508 I have no choice. 246 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,077 ! Ay, caramba! 247 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,846 Okay, ladies, let's get this over with. 248 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,817 (Bart whimpering) 249 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:51,884 Ah! 250 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,056 No more girlie stuff. Lights out. 251 00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,460 As you wish, Prince Pajama Foot. 252 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,398 (lullaby playing) 253 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,110 Most people think the capital is New York, 254 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,444 but it's Albany. 255 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,913 (snores softly) 256 00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:21,347 Most people. 257 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,950 Oh, my God. She's sleep‐nerding. 258 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,186 (Maggie snoring) 259 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,889 (screams) 260 00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,358 Can I sleep in here with you guys? 261 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,526 Aah! 262 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:36,062 Oh, sorry, kid, no room at the inn. 263 00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,864 That's it! 264 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,099 I am getting my room back! 265 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,538 - Tough day? - Aah! 266 00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,207 Would you like some tea? 267 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,309 I found the brand Gwyneth Paltrow likes. 268 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,878 I think you take it orally. 269 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,280 Well, do you have any wine? 270 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:57,217 Wine? Why, yes. Yes, I do. 271 00:11:57,283 --> 00:12:00,987 (gasps) I'm moving into "quirky best friend" territory. 272 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,655 So, we were supposed to shoot 273 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,724 the big Christmas tree lighting scene tomorrow, 274 00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,526 but it turns out Springfield has 275 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,895 a very aggressive beaver population. 276 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,730 (beavers grunting) 277 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:14,267 So no more big town‐wide celebration. 278 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,902 But you need that! 279 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,438 That's the part in every Heartmark Christmas movie 280 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,273 where everybody comes together, 281 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:23,876 and the jaded outsider is finally won over. 282 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:27,013 Well, we don't have the time or money or creativity 283 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,115 to come up with something new. 284 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:32,785 So unless Springfield already has some big event tomorrow, 285 00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:36,356 that's already decorated in Christmas colors... 286 00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:39,826 ♪ ♪ 287 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,872 Great work, Mary. 288 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,974 This movie just might be good enough 289 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,542 to fold laundry to. 290 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,611 How are you gonna explain all the produce 291 00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:00,613 and people wearing shorts? 292 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,320 Eh, so long as the attractive white people 293 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:05,385 make with the closed‐mouth smooches, nobody's complaining. 294 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:09,822 What is going on here? 295 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:12,191 I leave to pick up my I‐heart‐Bibb bibs, 296 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:16,329 and you turn my summer festival into a‐a‐a holiday set piece! 297 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,498 I thought we had a deal. 298 00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,503 But look, everyone's having a great time. 299 00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,969 Hey, Skinner, I never thought the Lettice and Tomato Festival 300 00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:28,675 could get any better‐‐ but Christmas! 301 00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:32,845 Yeah. Makes Okratoberfest seem ridiculous in comparison. 302 00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,850 All I gotta do is ruin this movie. 303 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,053 Then I get my room back. 304 00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,821 Hmm. Hmm... 305 00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:48,261 - Whoa! Hey! - Hey! - (people shrieking) 306 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,536 Aw, no, this is the worst thing to happen to this movie 307 00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,104 since someone wrote it. 308 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,873 Okay, that's a wrap for today. 309 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:03,910 ‐SKINNER (muffled): Help. Help! ‐MARY (muffled): Help! Help, help! 310 00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:05,578 We're trapped. 311 00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:09,482 (sighs) It had to be a Christmas movie. 312 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,522 (sighs) Zero bars. 313 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:19,225 Well, we'll just have to dig our way out. 314 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:23,162 Aah! What the hell is this fake snow made of? 315 00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,497 I have no idea. 316 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,599 We paid some local lunatic to grind it for us. 317 00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,401 Well, I hope you're happy. 318 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,837 First you ruin my festival, and now this. 319 00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:32,271 People loved it! 320 00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:34,907 You heard that pair of nuclear engineering simpletons. 321 00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,909 (chuckles): Oh, Lenny and Carl like everything. 322 00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,177 That's their affect. 323 00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,413 Is it getting hotter in here? 324 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,582 It would appear our heated verbal sparring 325 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,584 is upping the temperature in this confined space. 326 00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,719 Well, I guess we should agree not to talk. 327 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,454 - Fine. - Fine. 328 00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:01,801 Um, maybe this'll cool you down. 329 00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,070 Thanks. 330 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,912 Look, I'm sorry I ruined your festival. 331 00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:15,148 No, you made it better. 332 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:18,484 People seemed to actually be showing up on purpose this year. 333 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,686 Springfield's lucky to have someone like you 334 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,989 who cares so much about small‐town values. 335 00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:24,657 (yawns) 336 00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:27,860 Sure is hot in here. 337 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,862 Perhaps we should huddle closer. 338 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,230 For coolness. 339 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:41,841 Good morning. 340 00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,276 How did you get out? 341 00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,111 Well, luckily, the fake snow hardened, 342 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,046 and I was able to dig my way out 343 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,782 with this shoehorn I always carry on my person. 344 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,417 God, you're handy. 345 00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:54,954 One extra‐tall, nonfat, triple‐vegan espresso mocha, 346 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:56,956 clean white, two‐pump, half‐barley water, 347 00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:59,725 half‐macadamia milk with room for air. 348 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,695 - You remembered. - Who could forget it? 349 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,634 SURGEON FIANCE: Mary? 350 00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,137 So this is why you didn't answer my calls. 351 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,805 No! It's not what it looks like! 352 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,208 He's just the gazebo builder. 353 00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:21,414 You took my room from me, movie lady. 354 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,150 And now it's payback time. 355 00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:27,153 Hey, everybody! Want to see what this Heartmark phony 356 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,955 really thinks of you? 357 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,326 My footage! 358 00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:34,894 Oh. Yeah. 359 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:38,164 I'm surrounded by a bunch of backwoods, lotto‐scratching, 360 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,499 monster‐truck‐driving, 361 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,000 Big Gulp‐guzzling bumpkins. 362 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,201 (gasping) 363 00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:45,204 But we opened our hearts to you. 364 00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:47,840 I let myself be whimsical in front of you! 365 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:51,444 How dare you not be charmed by us. 366 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,012 (stomach gurgles) 367 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,717 I may drive a monster truck, 368 00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:00,920 but the real monster is she! 369 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,626 Wait! I didn't mean it! 370 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:09,028 And we know all about your plans to sell the town 371 00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:12,231 to that big developer who wants to turn it into condos. 372 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,867 No, I'm not. How would I sell the town? 373 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,345 Yeah, all right. Forget I said anything. 374 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,803 I took a shot. I whiffed it. 375 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,138 Let's just... move on. 376 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,673 Mary, you got to do something. 377 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,342 Without these Big Gulp‐guzzling bumpkins as extras, 378 00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:25,144 we can't finish the movie. 379 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,812 Come back, everyone! 380 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,414 Come back. 381 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:34,153 I love it when a shoot falls apart. 382 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,829 I was sent here to put out fires. 383 00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:48,935 How could you say those hurtful things about Springfield? 384 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:52,505 I'm sorry, but working on this movie's been so painful. 385 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,775 For me, Christmas is the least wonderful time of the year. 386 00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,376 But the song says "the most." 387 00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,412 I know what the song says! 388 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:04,283 There's a reason I hate Christmas movies. 389 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,355 It all started one winter, 390 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,290 when a movie production came to town. 391 00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:14,060 My dad thought it'd be fun to be an extra. 392 00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:16,195 They cast him as a store employee 393 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,464 in a scene where crazed parents stormed in 394 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,299 to get the hottest toy. 395 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,001 He was trampled to death. 396 00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,970 You can still see his last moments on Earth 397 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,138 in the trailer for... (sobs) 398 00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,808 Jingle All the Way. 399 00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,309 (glass shatters) 400 00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:32,745 (cries) And now I've lost everything, 401 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,747 my fiancé, my dream job 402 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:35,915 and, worst of all, 403 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,317 the respect of a small town. 404 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:40,987 Then you do like Springfield. 405 00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,488 I've come to love this place, 406 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,090 with its homespun ways, 407 00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,925 its earnest, hardworking folk 408 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,661 and its wonderful airbed‐and‐breakfasts. 409 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,162 I guess what I'm saying is, 410 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:52,331 I'm really gonna miss you all. 411 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,337 Airport, please. 412 00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,505 Right away. 413 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,507 I just got to make one quick stop. 414 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,545 MARY: The simple townsfolk are rebuilding the set! 415 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,347 It's a miracle! 416 00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:12,018 We're gonna be able to finish this piece of crap after all. 417 00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:14,220 (laughing) 418 00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:16,288 You. But how? 419 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:19,625 I gave a rousing speech about how our Gulps might be big 420 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,394 and our trucks might be monster 421 00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,996 but our hearts are enlarged as well. 422 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:27,500 And I secretly filmed you saying nice things to my mom. 423 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:30,136 And I showed the whole town. 424 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:33,305 Yeah, and we saw that was the real youse. (chuckles) 425 00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:35,041 (cheering) 426 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,343 Thank you for showing me that small towns 427 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,311 are the best‐sized towns of all 428 00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,814 and Christmas movies are the best movies, 429 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,816 because everything always works out, 430 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,851 no matter how contrived. 431 00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:48,154 Now let's finish this movie. 432 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:49,655 (cheering) 433 00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,157 Mary, wait, I... 434 00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:52,701 I don't know what happened in that gazebo, 435 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:53,826 but I don't care! 436 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,094 So who's it gonna be, 437 00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,562 me or him? 438 00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,199 Darling, you're perfect. 439 00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,735 But maybe life isn't about perfect. 440 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,937 Skinner‐‐ I don't know your first name‐‐ 441 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:07,440 you're the one who remembered how I like my coffee, 442 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,709 and that's why I choose you. 443 00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,310 ALL: Aw! 444 00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:13,179 Are you nuts? 445 00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:14,280 Pick him! 446 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:16,115 He's a thousand times better than me. 447 00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:17,450 He's a surgeon. 448 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,385 A handsome surgeon. 449 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:20,619 What was your plan? 450 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:21,954 Were you gonna move here? 451 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,689 Were we gonna share a car? 452 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:26,992 I'm getting dizzy just thinking about your poor decision‐making. 453 00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:30,529 This is twice now. 454 00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:32,264 I know. 455 00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:50,015 ♪ ♪ 456 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:57,590 That was the worst movie I've ever seen. 457 00:20:57,656 --> 00:20:59,892 That snow looked so fake. 458 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,660 Mom, uh... 459 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:02,727 no. 460 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,063 I don't care! 461 00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,531 These movies are for moms 462 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,167 and their wine and a cozy throw blanket 463 00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:10,503 and a candle that smells like a pine tree 464 00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:12,371 or hot apples. 465 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:13,939 If you're not any of those things, 466 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,342 scram before the next one starts. 467 00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:19,245 (muttering) 468 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,782 (inhales deeply) 469 00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,750 (sighs contentedly) 470 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,989 Shh!