1 00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:09,276 (Homer humming a tune) 2 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,813 ♪ 2:00 a. m. ham, 2:00 a. m. ham ♪ 3 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,817 ♪ Everything rhymes with "2:00 a. m. ham." ♪ 4 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:17,884 Mmm. Mm? 5 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,786 So many lies. 6 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,555 What else was he hiding from the world? 7 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,524 How could the deception go so deep? 8 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,193 Can we ever trust anyone? (gasps) 9 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,674 - (door slams) - My daughter's roaming 10 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,265 the house in the middle of the night looking terrified. 11 00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:32,900 I should probably go talk to‐‐ 12 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,768 ♪ 2:00 a. m. ham. ♪ 13 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,603 (birds chirping) 14 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,672 (snoring) 15 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,410 (Marge humming a tune) 16 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,546 You look like you didn't sleep a wink. 17 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,515 Looks can be deceiving. Nothing is as it seems. 18 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,417 The world is a dark place. 19 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,885 (groans worriedly) 20 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:54,321 (muffled murmur) 21 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,892 Oh, Lisa seems really frazzled. 22 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,928 Did the climate change again? 23 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,262 I don't know. Probably. 24 00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:04,264 (wind whistles) 25 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:05,999 MARGE: Oh. 26 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,501 (owl hoots) 27 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:11,138 She's been like that for hours. 28 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:12,940 What is she doing under there? 29 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:17,377 Hmm. Something so troubling she doesn't want us to find out. 30 00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:20,380 As her friends, we should respect that. 31 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,685 (gasps) The confession was coerced. 32 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,520 Honey, what are you listening to? 33 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,523 Uh, you know, just some gentle ASMR noises 34 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,792 to soothe me to sleep. (chuckles) 35 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:34,394 You know, like... (exhales softly) 36 00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:36,129 - And... - (taps softly) 37 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,864 - And... - (paper crinkles) 38 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,866 Oh, that stuff doesn't work‐‐ 39 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,069 (snoring) 40 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:45,238 - Good night. - (ominous music playing) 41 00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,541 Music in a minor key? 42 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,811 You've been listening to true crime podcasts? 43 00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:54,982 Hoda Kotb said on The Today Show those are really disturbing. 44 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,783 - Hoda. - Mom, I can handle it. 45 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,286 There's no swear words, just killing. 46 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,355 How many of these have you listened to? 47 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,724 I don't know. Just two or three a day. 48 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,859 And then maybe a couple more to take the edge off. 49 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:09,229 And then one in the morning just to get normal. 50 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,765 Wha‐‐ I'm not addicted, I swear. 51 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:15,068 I just need to know who killed everybody! 52 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,370 ‐(crying) ‐Oh. 53 00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:18,939 I just need to know. I just... 54 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,641 (moans) 55 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:24,111 - Aw, she's all murdered out. - (snoring) 56 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:25,746 These titles. 57 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,882 It's like they're trying to intrigue people. 58 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,652 (grunts, scoffs) Oh. 59 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:35,255 I better listen to one and make sure Lisa's not too traumatized. 60 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,024 Whatever. I'm hitting the hay. 61 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,091 (paper crinkles) 62 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,160 (snoring) 63 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,265 (birds chirping) 64 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,301 (yawns) 65 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,372 - (shouts) - Okay, I'm on episode eight 66 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:53,940 of Killing Her Softly. 67 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,842 We need to talk about Angela's landlord. 68 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:59,246 Why did he allow her to pay for a year up front? 69 00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,448 What did Sergei know? 70 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,251 (chuckles) We have much to discuss. 71 00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,053 Okay, pause. 72 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,055 It's like the police intentionally 73 00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,223 screwed up the investigation. 74 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,459 Right? Drops of blood you can explain, 75 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,595 - but drops of brain? - I know. 76 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,397 Okay, play. 77 00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:20,634 Okay, pause. They totally ignored the text messages 78 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,271 - from the coroner's mistress. - Okay, play. Play. 79 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:26,540 - Mm. Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm. - Oh. Oh. 80 00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:29,276 - Mm‐mm. Oh, yeah. - Hmm. Hmm. 81 00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:34,881 How could a woman with four PhDs be so dumb? 82 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,550 BOTH: So dumb. 83 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:39,286 I've never seen two people agree with each other so much. 84 00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,121 I disagree. Come on, you two. 85 00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,823 We're supposed to visit Grampa today. 86 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,292 - Homie, we can't go. - Our favorite podcast 87 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:48,428 is recording a live episode, and we have tickets. 88 00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:51,264 If we gasp loud enough, we might hear ourselves. 89 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,266 ‐(gasps loudly) ‐(laughs) 90 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,702 Save it for the show, Mom. 91 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,305 Now, remember, Bart, 92 00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:01,074 Grampa's life is very lonely and boring. 93 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,344 So make sure to look at your watch every few seconds 94 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,079 so he knows you want to leave. 95 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,914 Here, take some of these. 96 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:13,253 Why is my dad's weird old tie hanging on his doorknob? 97 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,323 ‐(Homer gasps) ‐(both moaning) 98 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,694 - Oh! Oh! Ooh, ooh! - Ugh! (groaning) 99 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,995 (stammers) 100 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,030 You idiots! Don't you know the code? 101 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,900 If the bolo's a‐hanging, the dentures be clanging. 102 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:30,170 This is my new girlfriend, Vivienne Saint Charmaine. 103 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:34,775 Abe‐y, you didn't tell me your brothers were coming to visit. 104 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,911 - (laughs): Oh, well. Oh, my. - Aw, shucks. 105 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:41,381 Say, you look familiar. Did you used to be younger? 106 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,950 Vivienne was a big‐time TV star. 107 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:48,021 She was on all the hit shows, and I was a huge fan. 108 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,823 HOMER: A little magazine. 109 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,793 But you probably know me best as the scheming yet conniving 110 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:57,264 Olympic diver Darcy Covington on Falcon Landing. 111 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,232 Ma'am, if you're a big shot has‐been, 112 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,635 why are you dating a small‐town never‐was? 113 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:04,070 All my life, I dated unwrinkled men 114 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,839 who told short, concise stories. 115 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,642 But Abe here showed me what I've been missing. 116 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,444 - He's so sweet he should come with an insulin pump. - (chuckles) 117 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,981 Well, thanks for stopping by, but we've got two bingo games, 118 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,717 a couple's colonoscopy... 119 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,590 ...and then we're off to a romantic dinner cruise. 120 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,060 - Dude. - Bro. 121 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,930 - Seriously. - I know. 122 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,766 (melancholy music playing) 123 00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:39,139 From This American Crime and KBBL Springfield, 124 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,508 it's Interminable, 125 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:46,546 one grisly story told week after week after week 126 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,215 after week. 127 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,984 Hello. I'm Tabitha Shingle. 128 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,419 (cheering) 129 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,021 She's even more dry in person. 130 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,756 Some people look at a neck and think, 131 00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,758 "What a great place for a scarf," 132 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:01,628 and others think, "I'd like to choke that." 133 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:05,665 For Jackson Reeb of Lansing, Michigan, it was the latter. 134 00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,734 (cheering) 135 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,606 (tires screech) 136 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,643 Hey, hey, hey. Easy on the hurricane hold. 137 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,713 We're just doing a story on the podcast craze. 138 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,248 Podcast? (scoffs) 139 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,116 Flash‐in‐the‐pan wannabe journalism. 140 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,218 Mark my words, Jerry, nobody cares. 141 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,587 Now to open this door. 142 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,223 (crowd cheering) 143 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,261 Our podcast has gotten over 20 million downloads 144 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:37,797 and is being adapted into a streaming series 145 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:42,969 starring Alexander Skarsgard on Amazon Prime. 146 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,738 (cheering) 147 00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,239 (groans) 148 00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,975 Ugh. Stupid podcasts. 149 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,710 Thank God I have my family. 150 00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:53,213 Now to open this door. 151 00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,985 (Kent scoffs, groans) 152 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,487 (groans): Oh. 153 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:02,689 (sighs) 154 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:06,693 This is Kent Brockman, yesterday's news. 155 00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:11,064 And in the end, the donkey turned out to be a horse. 156 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,832 (sighs) You're only watching this 157 00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:15,435 because somebody left the TV on in a doctor's waiting room. 158 00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,904 W‐Wait, w‐wait a second. We have breaking news! 159 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,940 There's been a murder on the high seas. 160 00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,474 A local woman is presumed dead 161 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,576 after going overboard on a cruise ship. 162 00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:26,179 A woman disappears from a cruise. 163 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,847 I wonder who did it. 164 00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:29,716 Could it be... 165 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,752 BOTH: The husband or boyfriend? Mm‐hmm. 166 00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:35,221 That's the lady Grampa was kissing. 167 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:39,025 Grampa's the husband or boyfriend? 168 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,494 Authorities say the missing woman is retired starlet 169 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:43,330 Vivienne Saint Charmaine. 170 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:45,665 Her boyfriend or husband, Abraham Simpson, 171 00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,734 has been detained for questioning. 172 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,135 Grampa? A killer? 173 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,813 He doesn't have that kind of follow‐through. 174 00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:54,374 Did Abe Simpson do it? No one can say for sure. 175 00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:58,645 But this story has the makings of a hit crime podcast. 176 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:04,150 Join me as I take a fair and unbiased look on Guilty Grampa. 177 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,218 (all gasp) 178 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,920 This has been Kent Brockman, 179 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,289 bailing on TV news forever. 180 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:11,591 This is horrible. What are we gonna do? 181 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,761 - I've already subscribed. - (gasps) 182 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:22,235 A romantic sunset cruise, the perfect setting 183 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,471 for new love between a fading Hollywood actress 184 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,573 and a fully faded old man. 185 00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:30,844 But only one of them would return to port alive. 186 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,079 - (theme music playing) - I'm Kent Brockman, 187 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,315 and this is Guilty Grampa. 188 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,317 Guilty Grampa is sponsored 189 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:40,053 by Shampoo Shuttle, seasonal‐flavored shampoos 190 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,255 drone‐delivered direct to your shower. 191 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,391 Showbiz princess Vivienne Saint Charmaine 192 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,359 had finally met her prince, 193 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,628 local census resistor Abe Simpson. 194 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,997 Together they boarded a romantic seniors cruise 195 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,732 across Springfield Harbor. 196 00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,467 It was 2:33 p. m., 197 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,134 and the passengers were finishing dinner. 198 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,271 Suddenly, there were the sounds of a commotion, 199 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:01,141 a scream and then a splash. 200 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,709 Vivienne was gone, 201 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:05,478 but did the truth go overboard with her? 202 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,585 I have with me a woman who was on that fatal cruise, 203 00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,783 disgraced docent Agnes Skinner. 204 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,484 Uh, tell me about that night. 205 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:15,922 I was at the buffet when I heard a woman scream, "Abe, don't!" 206 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,791 Then a splash. 207 00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,259 What did you do next? 208 00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,903 I saw they were refilling the shrimp tower, 209 00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:23,196 so I had to get over there and touch them all. 210 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,697 "Abe, don't." 211 00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:27,734 Whatever could Vivienne have meant by that? 212 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,203 Naturally, the police questioned Abe Simpson. 213 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:33,740 His only defense? "I don't remember." 214 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:37,343 The old man would not confess. Rude. 215 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,845 So we swabbed his hands 216 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,581 to see if they tested positive for pushing. 217 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:44,984 It came back as "no such test." 218 00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:47,620 The only thing we could do was let him go. 219 00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,522 (Guilty Grampa theme music playing) 220 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,791 KENT: So maybe the old saying is tru. 221 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,961 To catch a murderer, you have to set them free 222 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,629 to murder again. 223 00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:58,965 This has been Guilty Grampa. 224 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,967 Ah, that podcast sucks butts. 225 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,836 Grampa's not some monster. 226 00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:05,271 (Grampa wailing) 227 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,140 (thunder crashes) 228 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,241 (all scream) 229 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,643 Am I inside? 230 00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:14,247 Vivienne and I went on the cruise, had dinner, 231 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,250 drinks, dancing, drinks. 232 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,519 The rest is kind of a blur. 233 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,754 And the next thing I know, the cops are telling me 234 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:24,924 - I'm a person of interest. - That's ridiculous. 235 00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:28,862 You've never been a person of interest‐‐ not for one second. 236 00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:30,230 I don't remember nothing. 237 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,031 But I would never hurt Vivienne. 238 00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:36,736 She was my last chance at love, and now she's gone forever. 239 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,371 (crying) 240 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,074 Whoop. Got to take a zizz. 241 00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,309 Okay, quick, he's in the bathroom, 242 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,278 so we only have an hour to talk. 243 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,613 Now, on the count of three, 244 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,115 say if you think he's guilty or not. 245 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,884 One, two, three. 246 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:52,962 - Not guilty! - If I'm being honest, I think he's capable 247 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,455 of anything, up to and including murder. 248 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,125 You're talking about your own father. 249 00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:01,394 (Homer grunting) 250 00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:04,097 Grampa's a good man, 251 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,933 and everyone in this town knows that. 252 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,134 (all shout) 253 00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:10,161 - (Marge gasps) - (crowd murmuring) 254 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,105 You're protecting a killer! 255 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,340 (wails) Murderer! 256 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,851 - (shouts) - (cat yowls, glass shatters) 257 00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,344 Grampa boat‐pushed my favorite sexy TV lady. 258 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,514 I had a poster where she was on top of a Trans Am 259 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,683 and it said, "Finely‐tuned machine." 260 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,452 It referred to both her and the car! 261 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,254 (shouts) 262 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,624 Crime podcasts should be about exposing truth, 263 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:35,028 - not irresponsible speculation. - (all gasp) 264 00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,564 If only Kent knew Grampa like we do, 265 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:41,634 he would call that show Not Guilty Grampa, 266 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,737 which I bet would get even more listeners. 267 00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,172 (Homer gasps) 268 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,241 Hey! We got an ender. 269 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,509 Ender! 270 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,377 - MOE: Ender! - (crowd cheering) 271 00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:59,252 Homer, tell me about the Abe Simpson you knew and loved. 272 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,787 I mean, I knew him. 273 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:02,789 Was he abusive? 274 00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,357 (chuckles) Oh, sure. 275 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,226 I mean, he was a quiet loner, 276 00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:09,095 but he could be abusive when he wanted to be. 277 00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,597 Really? 278 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:13,132 And your mother‐‐ how did she deal with all this? 279 00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:15,101 You know, I'm not really sure. 280 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,237 She disappeared when I was quite young. 281 00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:20,340 Another woman in his life vanished. 282 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,508 Stick some foghorns under that and put it up stat. 283 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,111 Uh, wait, that may have sounded bad. 284 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,013 You're not gonna podcast that, are you? 285 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,891 HOMER (over phone): You're not gonna podcast that, are you? 286 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,717 - Uh‐oh. - Uh‐oh. 287 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:31,818 (Marge groans) 288 00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:33,519 Imagine the worst person in the world. 289 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,422 Now imagine his father. That's Abe. 290 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,791 His roommates kept turning up dead. 291 00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:42,829 90‐year‐old people don't just suddenly stop breathing. 292 00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:43,997 Come on. 293 00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:45,665 He murdered me once. 294 00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:48,668 That's why my family doesn't visit. 295 00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,903 My grandfather is not only a great man, 296 00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,672 he's a World War Two hero. 297 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,674 They used to call him "Johnny Flamethrower." 298 00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:58,011 He said the fires would tell him who to burn. 299 00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,412 (Lisa and Marge groan) 300 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,117 So I say to Ira Glass, "'NPR'? What does that stand for? 301 00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,852 'No Possible Revenue'?" 302 00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:08,755 (laughter) 303 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,024 (Lisa's voice): Hey, Kent. I'm Yeardley Smith. 304 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:13,893 Your voice sounds familiar. Where do I know you from? 305 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,696 From my true crime podcast Small‐Town Dicks, 306 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:17,930 and nowhere else. 307 00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,632 Can I give you a word of advice? 308 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,868 I'd be a fool not to say, "Make it quick." 309 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:24,904 As much as it's fun to report on murder and mayhem, 310 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:28,775 these podcasts are accusing real people of serious crimes. 311 00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:32,145 Without solid proof, we can ruin lives. 312 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,213 You're right. We do rule the universe. 313 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,515 Can I ask you a question? 314 00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:37,617 - Of course. - Who's doing your merch? 315 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:40,753 Because I'm only netting two dollars a hat and 50 cents a mug 316 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,089 and I'm getting completely screwed on onesies. 317 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,490 (groans) 318 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,759 ‐(alarm blaring) ‐(rumbling) 319 00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,696 (phone chimes) 320 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,643 - (ominous music playing) - (background sounds muted) 321 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:55,301 KENT: Today's podcast has a killer bombshell 322 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,503 about the killer of the bombshell. 323 00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,773 Grampa's motive for murder? Money. 324 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,575 You see, Vivienne Saint Charmaine 325 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,977 had a million‐dollar life insurance policy. 326 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,780 Ooh, and the beneficiary was her new boyfriend, 327 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,716 Abraham J. Simpson. 328 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,384 - (all gasp) - The moment she drowned, 329 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,120 Guilty Grampa was swimming in cash. 330 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,389 Motive enough for you? 331 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:20,093 HOMER: He did it for money. 332 00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,596 No. No, no, no. 333 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:26,666 I don't care what it looks like. I know Abe. 334 00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,369 He would never do something so horrible. 335 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:31,637 I did something so horrible. 336 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,807 I finally listened to that dad‐gum podcast... 337 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,275 (crying) 338 00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,878 ...and it convinced me I'm a killer. 339 00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:40,279 Lock me up. 340 00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:43,149 You're under arrest for spoiling the ending! 341 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,818 I was only on episode two. 342 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,488 (chuckles): Oh, and for murder. Yeah. 343 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,655 (groans) 344 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,828 Abraham Simpson, as you have pled guilty 345 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,206 to the murder of Vivienne Saint Charmaine, 346 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,531 I'm giving you life in prison. 347 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,666 And I'm giving your podcast five stars 348 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,934 but no comment. 349 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,770 - Who has the time? - (groans) 350 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,838 ♪ ♪ 351 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,507 (cell door slams) 352 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,909 Why did you confess, Dad? 353 00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,145 A majority of the family believes you're innocent. 354 00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:15,615 But what that Kent Brockman said about me was so darn convincing. 355 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:19,051 I began to suspect myself around episode four. 356 00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,620 Then by episode six, 357 00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:23,222 it seemed like it was that hot‐tempered deckhand. 358 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:26,659 But by episode nine, I knew I'd done it, 359 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:31,798 just as sure as Shampoo Shuttle is the future of hair care. 360 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,370 We can't give up hope. 361 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,739 I know Grampa's situation looks bad, 362 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:43,376 with the insurance money, what Mrs. Skinner heard, but... 363 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,712 And the confession didn't help, either, but‐but... 364 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:47,847 Take it, Mom. 365 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,382 But‐but‐but... 366 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,518 Oh, my God. I'm not sure I have a "but." 367 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,887 I'm not sure I have a "but," either. 368 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,557 - (Homer and Bart snickering) - I think Grampa might have done it. 369 00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:01,060 He might have. He totally might have. 370 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,596 ‐(both crying) ‐Oh, no. 371 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,465 With all our true crime training, 372 00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,567 how could we have missed this? 373 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,735 We've become the people that we hate most: 374 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:14,207 the family members too deluded to see the obvious truth. 375 00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:15,993 Uh, for the record, I was willing to believe 376 00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,711 he was the murderer back when there was no evidence. 377 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,847 - Just saying. - (knocking, door opens) 378 00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:22,215 Come back later. 379 00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:24,350 Were in the middle of a terrible reckoning. 380 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,385 I have shocking medical news 381 00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:28,855 that will blow your father's case wide open. 382 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,123 Is there somewhere public we can talk? 383 00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:32,425 HOMER (mumbles): I don't know. 384 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,660 (Guilty Grampa theme music playing) 385 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,400 Welcome, listeners around the world and our proud astronauts 386 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,769 downloading in the darkness of space. 387 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:48,341 Tonight we both wrap up and drag out the story of Guilty Grampa. 388 00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:50,843 You'll get a chance to hear from the hottest stars 389 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,378 of this heinous crime. 390 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,081 We love you, someone else's tragedy! 391 00:16:55,147 --> 00:16:57,250 And I'm thrilled to announce the Guilty Grampa 392 00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:59,952 streaming series, starring the Skarsgard 393 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,656 - that started it all, Stellan. - (crowd cheering) 394 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,591 I only have a deal memo. 395 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,760 I haven't signed the final paperwork. 396 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:10,429 Kent, there's something you've got to know. 397 00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:12,732 Something everyone's got to know. 398 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,700 On the day of Vivienne's disappearance, 399 00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,470 she and Abe went in for a couple's colonoscopy. 400 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,206 - They each swallowed a tiny IntestoPod, - (beeping) 401 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,208 which records internal data 402 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:25,444 and broadcasts a precise GPS signal for 24 hours. 403 00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,480 - You can see here. - (beeping) 404 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:31,784 Once Vivienne fell off the boat, she moved directly to shore. 405 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,388 She didn't sink. She swam. 406 00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,390 Vivienne's signal then traveled south 407 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:40,359 to a resort in Zihuatanejo, Mexico, 408 00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,629 where the guacamole is made table‐side. 409 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:46,532 Vivienne is alive. She faked her death. 410 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:49,368 Which means Grampa didn't kill anyone. 411 00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:52,805 But your podcast convinced him that he did. 412 00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,307 I wanted to say that part. 413 00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:56,909 Well, that's, uh, that's all very interesting, 414 00:17:56,976 --> 00:18:00,212 but it doesn't really fit with the title of my podcast, 415 00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:01,948 to say nothing of the merch. 416 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:06,752 (chanting): Guilty Grampa! Guilty Grampa! 417 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:11,023 You sent me to jail. 418 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,892 You're no journalist. 419 00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:17,730 (baby talking): You made us a murderer. Wah! 420 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,433 (sighs) I have a confession to make. 421 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:23,369 Guilty Grampa is not guilty. 422 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,338 ‐(crowd gasps) ‐(exclaims) 423 00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:27,039 Oh, we all wish he did it. 424 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,342 Everyone here loves DNA swabs, 425 00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:32,345 cell phone pings and spatter analysis, 426 00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:34,747 that fantasy that the bad guys will be caught 427 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:37,049 and the police will save the day. 428 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,986 Geez. That's a lot to put on a guy. 429 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:43,122 From now on, I will report with judicious restraint, 430 00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:45,491 leaving behind sensational revelations 431 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:49,362 in favor of painstakingly accumulated uncertainties. 432 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,798 And I know you will all come along with me 433 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,234 on this slow, measured ride. 434 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:59,639 TABITHA: And with that out‐of‐touch statement, 435 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:03,009 Kent Brockman bid a big fat farewell 436 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:06,145 to his relevancy. 437 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,615 (Grampa groans) 438 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,752 Come on, Dad, cheer up. You're an innocent man. 439 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,688 Or so you'd have us believe. 440 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:19,325 I thought Vivienne loved me, but she played me for a sap. 441 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,428 Why'd you set me up, baby? 442 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,972 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 443 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,667 I never believed she liked you for one second. 444 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,068 Well, I did. 445 00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:32,371 I thought she was gonna be the last love of my life. 446 00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:34,073 (groans) 447 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:37,076 ♪ ♪ 448 00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,246 (groans) 449 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,216 Hi, Abe. 450 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,252 What the‐‐ (stammers) 451 00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:49,255 Vivienne. Why'd you set me up? 452 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,257 We set you up. 453 00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:52,658 You weren't supposed to confess. 454 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,061 You were supposed to meet me in Mexico 455 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,395 with the insurance money. 456 00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:58,998 - That was the plan. - What plan? 457 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,633 The plan where I faked my death 458 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,369 and waited for you to meet me in Mexico 459 00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:04,937 with the insurance money. 460 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:08,207 That's why I yelled, "Abe, don't... forget the plan," 461 00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:11,143 - as I was diving off the boat. - What boat? 462 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,413 I love you, you senile old sex machine. 463 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,083 Oh, what do we do now that we're on the run? 464 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,151 We live out the rest of our days 465 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,987 in a place where no one will ever notice us. 466 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,290 - (snoring) - (gentle music playing) 467 00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:34,967 GRAMPA: I'm putting the space heater on ten. 468 00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:36,869 VIVIENNE: Ooh, Abe. 469 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,138 Oh, you naughty boy. 470 00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:24,283 Shh!