1
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,849
Welcome back, sir.
2
00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:25,325
Oh, Artemis,
3
00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,327
you wouldn't believe
what my customers
4
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:28,762
unloaded on me tonight.
5
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,265
Crappy marriages, crappy jobs,
6
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:33,767
crappy sports teams.
7
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,502
My ears are killin' me.
8
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,738
That's why the Confidential
is here,
9
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,106
to share your burden.
10
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,574
Just give me the usual, huh?
11
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,810
As if we served anything else.
12
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:50,817
To the Confidential,
13
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,288
the one bar where they listen
to the listeners.
14
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:59,026
Come on. We got to get a seat
in the front row.
15
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:02,429
If anything flies off the stage,
I want to be in the Stain Zone.
16
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:04,898
I'm sorry, Krusty,
but there's no way
17
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:07,968
we can seat this audience until
we round up all the escaped,
18
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,070
uh, you‐know‐whats.
19
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,373
‐
20
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,709
Tough luck, kids.
The show's canceled.
21
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,746
I'm going down to the deli
to drown my sorrows in tongue.
22
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,752
What about this upside‐down
exclamation mark show?
23
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:28,522
Upside down is funny.
24
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:32,259
‐ ‐Desde Downtown Springfield,
25
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:35,262
es ¡Noches con Abejorrito!
26
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,864
¡Y ahora El Hombre Abejorro!
27
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:44,104
¡No se duerman,
o les voy a picar!
28
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,008
Milhouse, you know Spanish.
What did he say?
29
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,177
Oh, it's a cultural thing.
30
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:53,480
You wouldn't get it. Estúpido.
31
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:57,117
...y luego, había un escorpión
en mis pantalones.
32
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:59,720
Pantalones.
33
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,991
¡Una visita de mi primito!
34
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:07,361
Eso significa
que es tiempo de jugar...
35
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,964
¡No... Te... 'splotes!
36
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,233
Presentado por la Monja Humilde,
37
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,268
la horchata más divina.
38
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:18,639
Hermanas,
traigame unos concursantes.
39
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,310
¡Ay, caramba!
40
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,981
It's a game. They fill
your mouth with horchata,
41
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,584
and if you don't laugh,
you win a prize!
42
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:36,256
¡O, Bebito Abuelito!
43
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:43,263
¿Cuáles son las vacas
más perezosas?
44
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,999
¡Las vacaciones!
45
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,605
¡Nuestro ganador!
46
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,743
Pick your prize!
47
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:11,958
Grandpa Baby, this is the
easiest choice I've ever made.
48
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,761
Look what I won
on Spanish Krusty!
49
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:17,798
Oh, my God.
50
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,833
That is not
just any crystal skull.
51
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,301
It's Calavera Gritando!
52
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,236
That tequila's so authentic
53
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,971
that it inspired George Clooney
54
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,941
to make his own
semi‐authentic tequila.
55
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,843
Wait, my skull is full of booze?
56
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,978
That's why it has a screw cap.
57
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,356
Bart, you've got
to give it to me.
58
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,415
I've always wanted to drink
something fancy enough
59
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,984
to come in a bottle
that doesn't look like a bottle.
60
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,120
Nah. I think I'm gonna save it.
61
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,254
For high school.
62
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,355
Come on. Gimme that!
63
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,257
Bart won that skull
full of tequila.
64
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,760
He can do
whatever he wants with it,
65
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,395
except drink the tequila.
66
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,597
Sorry, Homer. Game, set, skull.
67
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,810
Huh?
68
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,680
Coming up now,
we got a special dedication
69
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,182
to Homer S. from his son Bart.
70
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,087
I like how there are no lyrics
to upset me.
71
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,660
♪ Tequila. ♪
72
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,562
D'oh!
73
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,367
Isn't that your dad?
74
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,169
No.
75
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,311
I may not speak Spanish,
76
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:42,115
but I know when an imaginary
talking skull is mocking me.
77
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,333
Gentlemen,
78
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,970
I give you Calavera Gritando!
79
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,474
Whoa, a crystal skull.
80
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,076
Like from my least favorite
Indiana Jones movie
81
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,746
and most favorite
Shia LaBeouf movie.
82
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,714
Okay, this booze is so classy,
83
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:16,116
I'm finally breaking out
84
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,952
my commemorative Iran
hostage crisis shot glasses.
85
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,688
Look at these guys.
86
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,490
Now, those were hostages.
87
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:29,830
Hey, Moe, why don't you pour
yourself one for a change?
88
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:32,098
Me? Nah, nah, that's okay.
89
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,035
The pouring
is enough of a thrill.
90
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,671
Come on. You're
always on that side of the bar.
91
00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:40,207
At least come over here
and take a load off.
92
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:43,310
Well, maybe it
wouldn't hurt none.
93
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,713
So this is sittin'.
94
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,715
You know, Moe, all these years,
95
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,016
we've never seen you drink.
96
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,384
Well, you know, a bartender
97
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,091
ain't supposed to drink
with his regulars.
98
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,421
It's frowned upon.
99
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:55,322
By whom?
100
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,057
Not some secret society
101
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,025
that I go to every night
after closing time,
102
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,460
if that's what you're thinking.
103
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,063
Look, I'm just the schlub
that pours the booze.
104
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:04,197
That's all.
105
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,833
Moe, you're not just
our bartender.
106
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,102
You're our friend.
107
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,071
Friend? You mean that?
108
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:14,507
Well, maybe it's just
my relaxed butt cheeks talking,
109
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:16,209
but, uh, down the hatch!
110
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,178
Woof.
111
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,814
I haven't had anything
this expensive in my mouth
112
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,649
since my dad's gun.
113
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,585
‐
‐Yeah. Go, Moe.
114
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:26,953
- Go, Moe.
- Now you got it.
115
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,834
I think you're pretty cool, too,
skull.
116
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,242
Oh, my head.
117
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,478
Oh, what a hangover.
118
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,750
Ah, that's actually
a little better.
119
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,352
Hmm.
120
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,487
Oh, no.
121
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:04,024
Oh, no! Last night's
all coming back to me.
122
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,433
- Whoa! Yeah!
- Yay!
123
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,442
Let's go show the world
how much fun it is
124
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:25,512
when drunk guys do stuff
in public!
125
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,247
Baba‐boo!
126
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,602
Excuse me, could you move?
127
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:51,905
My husband and I would like
to sit on this bench
128
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,375
and comment on how the elephant
seals are "living the life."
129
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:58,078
It's the only joke
in our entire marriage.
130
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:58,778
Oh, that's not what I hear.
131
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:02,315
The real joke is that you two
132
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,884
haven't pushed
the ole twin beds together
133
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,753
since before the election.
134
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,355
Of Obama.
135
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,556
To the Senate!
136
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,360
How'd you know
about their sexless marriage?
137
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:16,730
Oh, Mrs. Lovejoy blabbed
about it to her bartender,
138
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,031
who then told me.
139
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,133
Hey, wait,
you bartenders tell each other
140
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,036
the stuff we say
in drunken confidence?
141
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,637
Oh, we sure do.
142
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,139
Look what else I know.
143
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:30,176
You file your taxes
as one person.
144
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:33,880
You sell all your pets
each time you go on vacation.
145
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,582
Hey, you're two‐timing us
146
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:38,251
by also being the mayor
of another town.
147
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,321
I swear,
Greenview means nothing to me.
148
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,390
Hey, I love hot goss
as much as the next guy,
149
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,258
but maybe
you shouldn't be spilling
150
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,460
- people's secrets.
- Secrets.
151
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,663
You mean like you not asking
anyone out on a date in years
152
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:54,134
because you're ashamed
of your wet spaghetti arms?
153
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,469
What woman
could feel held by these?
154
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,303
Or how you keep yammering about
your million‐dollar invention?
155
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:03,009
File the patent already,
you coward.
156
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,744
Or how 'bout Barney over here?
157
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:08,415
Always going on about
how much you
love
your mother,
158
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,884
but you haven't visited her
in years.
159
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,952
She still thinks
I work at Autozone.
160
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:18,091
I can't tell her they fired me
for huffing floormat cleaner!
161
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:24,230
Moe, you've officially gone
from fun drunk to mean drunk.
162
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,899
You judging me?
163
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,767
You're the one who said
you're so scared
164
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,903
of being a lousy father
and husband
165
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,404
that you hide out at the bar
166
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,374
instead of going home
and actually tryin'.
167
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,113
You're worse than a mean drunk.
168
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,248
You're an honest drunk!
169
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,651
No! You guys are the drunks.
170
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,520
I am just wasted.
171
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,389
Baba‐boo.
172
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,525
Okay, Moe.
173
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,328
You did what no bartender
ever should've done.
174
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,665
But maybe, just maybe,
they won't find out.
175
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,136
The Confidential.
176
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,304
They found out.
177
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,072
All right there, Kristof.
178
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,641
Time for me to answer
for my sins.
179
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,910
Lead the way.
180
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,546
Frickin' Kristof.
181
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,083
Yeah, so, I, uh...
I got your rat.
182
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,786
Look, I know I screwed up,
but that...
183
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,423
Since time immemorial,
184
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,359
bartenders have been
the cornerstone of civilization,
185
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,828
an eternal guild of listeners.
186
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,500
for to whom could bartenders
confide their secrets?
187
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:36,369
Thus was born the Confidential,
188
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:40,406
a hidden society of those
who listen to the listeners.
189
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:44,110
But this institution
will crumble to dust
190
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,446
if we do not obey
its first and only law‐‐
191
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:49,716
"A bartender keeps his secrets!"
192
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,919
Look, Artemis, I know
I shouldn't have got wasted
193
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,721
and blabbed the unblabbable.
194
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:58,758
It's just, for once, I wanted
to have a drink with my friends.
195
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,727
A bartender has no friends!
196
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,930
Mr. Szyslak, your tab is closed.
197
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,331
Surrender your key, sir.
198
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,534
Well, them's the rules, I guess.
199
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,369
It was nice being part
of a place
200
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:12,605
that was bigger than me
and also super weird.
201
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,940
Uh‐‐ What the...
202
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:17,343
The penalty for your offense is
far greater than mere expulsion.
203
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,680
Your friends,
your regulars are to be...
204
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,148
cut off.
205
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,119
Cut off?! No.
No, that's too horrible.
206
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,021
You can't do that to them!
207
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:30,323
You did this to them.
208
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,659
They have
until the clock strikes...
209
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:35,228
happy hour.
210
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,565
Tick, tock, Mr. Szyslak.
Tick, tock.
211
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,667
Guys, you're all in danger!
You...
212
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,836
Oh, sorry. I've never been
in your office before.
213
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,271
Any office, for that matter.
214
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,907
Yeesh. Now I get why
you all drink so much.
215
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,454
You've got a lot of nerve
coming here,
216
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,711
after what you said last night.
217
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,880
I know, I know,
but this is serious, okay?
218
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,848
Some very scary people are mad
219
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,917
for all that drunken blabbing
I did,
220
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:00,186
so you're being... cut off!
221
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:03,389
So what? You already lost us
as customers.
222
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,725
No, no, you don't get it.
Cut off.
223
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,193
Aah. There isn't much time,
224
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,195
but I'm gonna keep
being cagey about it.
225
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,097
Oh, wait a minute.
Where's Barney?
226
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:12,732
Barney doesn't work here.
227
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,500
Really? Seems like he would.
228
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,903
Yeah, that would lead
to some good stories, all right.
229
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:19,005
Hurry, call him. Call him!
230
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,207
Mm. Fine.
231
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:25,678
Well, if it isn't
the meanest drunk in town.
232
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,747
Barn, it's happy hour.
233
00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:30,316
You got to lock your doors
and windows right away!
234
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:33,353
During the best time of day
for ocean breezes?
235
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,130
- No dice.
- Look out for
- the dapper gentleman!
236
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,890
Ow! Damn vampire bats!
237
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,158
What the hell was that?
238
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,294
He's been injected
with Antibooze‐‐
239
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:45,298
a drug that makes it
so he can never drink again.
240
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,567
Antibooze?
That stuff isn't real.
241
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,969
Oh, it's real, and
the side effects are horrible,
242
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,504
unthinkable!
243
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,906
It starts with
a skull‐splitting headache.
244
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,115
Then you got
your firehose sweating.
245
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,518
Rhinoceros pox.
246
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:09,522
And finally, hurricane vomiting.
247
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:19,932
He's been cut off.
248
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:21,801
And now they're coming for you.
249
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:25,672
If they catch ya, you can
never touch alcohol again.
250
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,106
No! No!
251
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:29,742
Wait. What about rum cakes
and other boozy desserts?
252
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,277
Never again.
253
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,579
No!
254
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:54,667
Run faster. Every bartender in
town is coming after youse guys.
255
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:58,204
All because I couldn't
keep my drunken trap shut!
256
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,475
Well, how many bartenders
could there be in Springfield?
257
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:06,479
How many people in this town are
miserable at work and at home?
258
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,348
Oh, my God.
259
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,402
You guys, get out of here!
260
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:32,105
I'll hold 'em off... with this.
261
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,321
Wow. He's like a ninja
with that crotch rag.
262
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,656
That disgusting towel is a blur!
263
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,870
This is no way to live.
264
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,938
Hunted. Hunted like dinosaurs.
265
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,007
What are we supposed to do now?
266
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,609
If you ever want to drink again,
267
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:12,078
all you can do is get
on the next bus out of town
268
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,613
and never stop running.
269
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,348
Sounds like a plan.
270
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:27,226
Those poor bastards.
271
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:29,362
I must keen for them.
272
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,934
Forget it, Homer.
273
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:37,303
They're non‐drinkers now.
274
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:41,140
Marge, pack what you need
and choose one kid.
275
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,842
We're leaving
Springfield forever.
276
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,844
That's ridiculous, Homie.
277
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:46,712
Look who dropped by for dinner.
278
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,147
Hello, Homer.
279
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,149
Dad, Dr. Hibbert was just
telling us
280
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,285
how he worked his way
through medical school.
281
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:55,254
I think you'd be interested
to hear how I did it.
282
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,224
- I would?
- Bartending.
283
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,434
Who wants mushroom caps?
284
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:11,604
I'm so sorry, Homer.
285
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:14,474
And Midge, your husband
can never drink again,
286
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,642
and it's all because of me.
287
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,749
Good morning, family.
288
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,651
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.
289
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:29,021
You sure I can't make you
some oatmeal with blueberries?
290
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,457
Not today, honey.
I promised to pick up coffee
291
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:34,494
for everyone on my team
to celebrate our record numbers.
292
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,264
You are so much more of a
go‐getter since your promotion.
293
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,900
I love this new, sober you.
294
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:44,070
And I love any version of you.
295
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:45,905
Mmm, mmm.
296
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,607
‐ ‐Get a room!
297
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,576
Bart, I haven't forgotten about
your skateboard competition.
298
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,111
And don't worry, Lisa.
299
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,646
It'll be over in plenty of time
300
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,516
for me to be front
and center at your recital.
301
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,651
Ooh!
302
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,789
Well, off to the salt mines.
303
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,162
Well, this is a coincidence.
304
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:13,633
I haven't seen you guys
since, uh, you know.
305
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,736
Geez, it would've had
to have been the syringings?
306
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:20,206
Yeah, finally got in shape.
Not drinking all day every day
307
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,542
really freed up a lot of time
for me to work out.
308
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:26,379
And as soon as I filed my
patent, my start‐up got funded.
309
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,949
Soon, everyone in America
will have their own personal
310
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:32,184
body‐hair‐shaving mini robot.
311
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,819
That's you?
312
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,821
I love my Groomba!
313
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,959
And I got my job back
at Autozone,
314
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,961
so I could finally face my ma.
315
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:45,932
He holds the big arrow
that says "Autozone."
316
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,100
Yeah, I guess
we're all doing pretty well.
317
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,735
You know who I heard ain't?
318
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,804
A certain bartender.
319
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,839
You won't believe
how low he's sunk.
320
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,108
It would be nice
to laugh at someone
321
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:59,078
living their lowest moment.
322
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,117
I asked for the ham
in my omelet to be diced.
323
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:07,119
This ham is clearly cubed.
324
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,956
Yes, ma'am.
Uh, right away, ma'am.
325
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:11,958
You flipped my omelet too high
in the air,
326
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,993
and it got cold on the descent.
327
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:17,063
My mistake, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
328
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,502
I wanted to see him low,
but not eggs‐on‐demand low.
329
00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:27,506
I bet he doesn't even have
a shotgun under that bar.
330
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,577
Get out of here.
You can't see me like this.
331
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:36,215
Slingin' eggs in a well‐lit,
non‐dank environment.
332
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:44,090
I can't believe I'm saying this.
333
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,858
We're all saying it.
334
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,860
Even though
we can never drink again,
335
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:51,097
we still want you
as our bartender.
336
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:53,099
You... you mean it?
337
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,767
- Yeah.
- We do.
- Mm‐hmm.
338
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:59,739
From now on, you can spray
your own pans, America! Ha.
339
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:09,081
There you go, fellas.
Bottoms up.
340
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,051
To Moe, our friend.
341
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,587
Nah, nah, guys.
I'm something better.
342
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,122
Your bartender.
343
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:18,224
Who knew
you could drink water in a bar?
344
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,226
It's, uh, still watered down.
345
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,561
‐ ‐Good one, Moe.
346
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,501
Well, I have never seen
such a perfect distillation
347
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:30,302
of the human spirit.
348
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:33,673
A cocktail of humility
and self‐sacrifice
349
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,908
with a dash of un‐bitters.
350
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:39,578
Whoa, Artemis.
What are you doing here?
351
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:42,915
Such loyalty to a bartender
deserves a reward.
352
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,551
The antidote to Antibooze.
353
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,455
Now, think carefully, chaps.
354
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:54,160
Once injected, you will lose
all the benefits of sobriety.
355
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,201
Go away, Ma.
356
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,575
I'm sorry. I can't go back.
357
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,845
Sobriety has made me the man
I never thought I'd be.
358
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,448
Now I'm going home to my family.
359
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:29,928
Hmm?
360
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:53,152
Hey, Bart, isn't that
your stupid crystal skull?
361
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:55,454
Wasn't stupid.
It was my best friend.
362
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,611
Captioning sponsored by
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363
00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:20,246
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
364
00:21:20,312 --> 00:21:22,248
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
365
00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:24,550
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
366
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,423
Shh!