1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,276
The Simpsons

2
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:06,965
C.E. D'oh.

3
00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:31,062
One, two, three o'clock
Four o'clock rock,

4
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,721
Five, six, seven o'clock
Eight o'clock rock.

5
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,515
Nuts to you, copper.

6
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,561
You're gonna be just fine.

7
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,284
Hello, Scratchy.

8
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:58,725
The Big Bopper?
Ritchie Valens? Buddy Holly?

9
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,519
No!

10
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,675
So, kids, it's Valentine's Day,
and you know what that means.

11
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:15,409
You get to stay downstairs watching TV
with the sound turned way up.

12
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,201
What about you and Mom?

13
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:21,488
Oh, we'll be upstairs in the bedroom
making lovely rope ladders...

14
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,928
- ...in case there's a fire.
- Oh, okay.

15
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,982
Children, so naive.

16
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,734
- What?
- Who's naive?

17
00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:30,361
I didn't say anything. So naive.

18
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,554
This is so romantic.

19
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:39,308
Oh, my darling,
nothing is too romantic for you.

20
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:40,975
Have some more liquor.

21
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,751
That's it. Drink up, my pretty.

22
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:52,321
Thanks for the love tip,
60 Minutes II.

23
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,190
Mm, funky.

24
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:05,115
Hey there, Little Red Riding Hood.
I ate your granny.

25
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,722
And now I'm in the mood for love.

26
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:12,153
Oh, Homie, I'm sorry.

27
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:15,239
You know I usually bring my A game
to the bedroom.

28
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,545
But tonight,
I just can't throw the heat.

29
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,183
But it's Saint Valentine's Day.

30
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,477
God wants us to do it.

31
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,720
You're so cute
when you're begging for sex...

32
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,888
...but I'm just too tired.

33
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:32,830
Well, my special mixtape
will get you going.

34
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,549
Oh, no. That's Maggie's mixtape.

35
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,822
Then Maggie must have gotten...

36
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,722
You're my sex bomb.

37
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,944
And baby, you can turn me on.

38
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,859
Shut down on Valentine's Day.

39
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,924
That's supposed to be a gimme.

40
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,436
Everybody's getting some but me.

41
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:13,704
Oh, "glayvin." Oh, nice lady
android with the true-to-life "floivic."

42
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,917
Game over.

43
00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:32,900
Everyone but me.

44
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,122
Thanks for waking me
for the bookmobile, Terrence.

45
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:43,661
Oh, Marge doesn't think I'm sexy.
What am I supposed to do?

46
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,046
Suicide, eh?

47
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,487
That's it.
Thank you, outdoor advertising.

48
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,292
You've saved my marriage,
and not for the first time.

49
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,391
"Releasing your inner screenplay."

50
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,331
"Create an online kennel."

51
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,791
Ooh! "Strip for your wife."

52
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,192
Well, I'm here to win back Brandine.

53
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,903
She been making eyes
at that photographer...

54
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,208
...what come
to document our squalor.

55
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,700
Welcome to
How to Strip for Your Wife.

56
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,005
Dr. Hibbert? You're the teacher?

57
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,936
Oh, yes. I put myself
through medical school...

58
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,334
...dancing under the name
Malcolm Sex.

59
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,545
I pleased the ladies
by any means necessary.

60
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:38,070
Now, let's start with a full review
of the theory of stripping.

61
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,927
Paleosexologists tell us that...

62
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,616
What the hell are you doing?

63
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,796
- Homer, are you already oiled?
- Three coats.

64
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:49,300
That oil was for the entire class.

65
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,292
Homer, take this quarter,
call your mother.

66
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,701
Tell her you're never
going to be a stripper.

67
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,599
Aren't you gonna chuckle?

68
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,799
There's nothing to chuckle about.

69
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:02,897
Oh, nobody loves oily Homer.

70
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:13,803
- You, the greasy, naked, bald man.
- Ah! You know everything about me.

71
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,453
What would you say if I offered you
the secret of true success?

72
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,674
Wipe me down and sign me up.

73
00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:24,157
Unh, the trick is to blot the oil.
Wiping just pushes it around.

74
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,358
You're preaching to the choir, man.

75
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,652
Now, life is hard. Am I right?

76
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,289
- Yeah.
- Life is hard.

77
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:34,553
Wrong! Life is easy. You suck.
You have to take life.

78
00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:38,922
You have to grab it by its little
bunny ears and get in its face.

79
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,894
God, look at you, losers.
I can read your minds.

80
00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,542
Ooh, ooh, I'm afraid of success.

81
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,920
It's pizza's fault I'm fat.

82
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:49,620
Oh, I'll stop sucking later.

83
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,702
Come here, give me your hand.
It's okay.

84
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:56,304
Ah! Thank you, teacher.

85
00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,610
You see this watch?

86
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,362
It's jammed with so many jewels,
the hands can't move.

87
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:04,510
- What kind of watch do you have?
- Uh...

88
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:07,294
Well, I drew it on. See?

89
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,109
Ah. You see that car out there?

90
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,872
That's a Bentley Mark 12.
They gave one to me...

91
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,156
...one to Steven Spielberg,
and they shot the guy who made it.

92
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:17,252
Oh, I'd hate to be in that union.

93
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:20,047
Friends, there's a force
that runs through the universe.

94
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,674
We used to call that force God.

95
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:27,387
We now call it Megatronics:
The 48 Tips to Corporate Success.

96
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,673
- There.
- Woo! Published by Kinko's.

97
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,155
- Do you wanna be the ultimate you?
- Yes.

98
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,022
Do you wanna yodel
at the top of the corporate mountain?

99
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,212
- Yes.
- Will you write me a check...

100
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:40,776
...made out to cash?

101
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,173
God, yes!

102
00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:45,854
"Tip one:
Live each day like it was your last."

103
00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:53,101
I don't wanna die. I'm so young.

104
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:58,053
"Tip two:
Let nothing stand in your way."

105
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,338
Listen up, life obstacles.

106
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:04,748
From now on, nothing's gonna stand
in Homer Simpson's way.

107
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,250
Do your homework.
Don't do so much homework.

108
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:10,097
Learn to talk. You, let's love now.

109
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:11,639
Sounds good to me.

110
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:19,231
Go on ahead. I'll just slow you down.

111
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,386
What's that ruckus?

112
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,941
It's the sound of a go-getter
at work, Marge.

113
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,838
Look, I installed a key hook...

114
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:35,216
...so you'll always know
where your keys are.

115
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,457
Oh, that's so sweet.

116
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:41,388
I was tired of putting my keys
in that bowl like a caveman.

117
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,652
I finally harnessed
the awesome power of the hook.

118
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,447
Well, time for work.

119
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:59,104
"Megatronics Tip 20:
Make your cubicle into a you-bicle."

120
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,964
Hmm, what next, Megatronics?

121
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:07,821
"Point out problems
at your workplace to your boss.

122
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:11,585
To separate yourself from the herd,
just tattle on the cattle."

123
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,908
I say Phantom Menace sucked more.

124
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,911
I say Attack of the Clones
sucked more.

125
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:30,676
That's toxic waste.

126
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:47,653
And now, to see Mr. Burns
for the promotion and raise...

127
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:50,249
...I've deserved since this morning.

128
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,055
Mr. Burns, I've made a list
of recommendations...

129
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:55,900
...to improve plant efficiency.

130
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,476
Oh, have you now?
Well, huzzah, huzzah.

131
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:02,292
I'll just throw back my legs
and pollute my britches with delight.

132
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,598
But the book said
you would applaud my initiative.

133
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,101
And what book is that?
The Ape Who Wanted a Big Bonus?

134
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,646
Stop wasting my time,
you corn-fed man-cow.

135
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,433
- Would you mind?
- Yes, sir.

136
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,084
Aw, look at the little eels.

137
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:24,522
Oh, electric eels!

138
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,460
I didn't know Mr. Burns
had an electric eel pond.

139
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,849
Well, he does.
All my life, I've had one dream:

140
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,101
To achieve my many goals.

141
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:43,792
Mr. Burns has never given me
a thumbs-up or a "way to be"...

142
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,399
...or a "you go, girl." No.

143
00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:48,922
He just steps over everyone
who works for him...

144
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,508
...taking pleasure
in making us feel small.

145
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,605
Oh, Homie. Don't let it get you down.

146
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,441
So Mr. Burns
doesn't take you seriously.

147
00:09:57,973 --> 00:09:59,839
Big whoop. Who gives a doodle?

148
00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,883
Whoopie ding dong doo.

149
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,573
Thanks for trying, but I'll be at Moe's.

150
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,889
So my husband goes to a bar
every night. Whoop-de-do.

151
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,483
Who gives a bibble?

152
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:10,840
Gabba, gabba, hey.

153
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:16,273
I gave Mr. Burns
the best years of my life.

154
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:18,921
And how much respect
does he give me?

155
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:20,798
Slim to bupkes.

156
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,852
Who's Burns?
Somebody you work with?

157
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:26,439
Moe, we've been complaining about him
every night for eight years.

158
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:30,088
If this guy's riding you wrong,
why don't you slap him some payback?

159
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,653
Revenge? On Mr. Burns?

160
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,438
Yeah. Send him magazine subscriptions
he don't want.

161
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,826
Or give him some face time
with sweet lady brick.

162
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:46,855
No. I think this calls for something
a little more cerebral.

163
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,005
Wait till he steps
on this flaming bag of, ah...

164
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,840
...Lisa's college fund?

165
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:58,023
Sir, we could be in real trouble here.
If the government found out...

166
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,598
...you dumped nuclear waste
under Lego Land...

167
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:04,081
Oh, Smithers, the environmental
effects won't be visible for years.

168
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,792
Heh, talk about
your runaway government.

169
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,651
For dumping that waste,
you could go to jail.

170
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,502
A handsome man like you,
I'd hate to think what would happen.

171
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,742
Ha, ha, I wouldn't go to jail.

172
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:35,070
The legal owner of this plant would,
Canary M. Burns.

173
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,940
This entire plant is in his name.

174
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:45,497
So when they come to put C.M. Burns in
jail, it's the canary that does the time.

175
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,718
Sir, can you do that?

176
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,137
Oh, yes.
Tycoons have been doing it for years.

177
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:53,589
Why, Standard Oil was once owned
by a half-eaten breakfast.

178
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,647
Don't you get it? If you get rid
of that bird, Burns is at your mercy.

179
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:02,055
Get rid of a bird? No way.

180
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,162
Their eyes are so expressive.

181
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,177
Fool! You've learned absolutely nothing
from my one-hour class.

182
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:16,653
- Homie, what's wrong?
- I have a plan to get to the top...

183
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,990
...but I have to do
some pretty rotten things to get there.

184
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:23,973
I'm not sure I could look at myself
in the mirror or any polished metal.

185
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,705
Well, if you don't know
the right path to take...

186
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:28,707
...you have to be very quiet...

187
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:32,450
...and listen for that little voice inside
that tells you what to do.

188
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,341
Do it, Dad.
You could get a less crappy car.

189
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,092
Bart, you can hear us?

190
00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:41,730
Oh, yeah.
From my room, I can hear everything.

191
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,224
Me too. The walls are paper-thin.
Ugh. Hi.

192
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:48,039
And it wouldn't hurt you
to put up some curtains.

193
00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:02,261
This is it, boy. With this bird gone,
the plant will be mine for the taking.

194
00:13:04,243 --> 00:13:07,173
Now, fly to the Canary Islands.

195
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:19,456
Smithers, it's an emergency.
Maroon alert. Or even vermilion.

196
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:23,178
The owner of the plant is gone.
All that's left is this little mirror...

197
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,013
...he used to amuse himself.

198
00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:28,100
Hello, pretty boy.
That's quite a beak on you.

199
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:31,395
Hoo-hoo! Who wants a kiss?
Who wants a kiss?

200
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,931
Mr. Burns, the Nuclear Regulatory
Commission is here for inspection.

201
00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:39,111
Ah! Good Lord. That canary
was supposed to be my pigeon.

202
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,154
I need to find a patsy quick.

203
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,073
- Hello.
- Yes, yes, hello.

204
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,430
- Now I need to find a patsy.
- Hello.

205
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,296
You're quite the friendly fellow.

206
00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:50,664
- But right now I'm looking for a patsy.
- Hello.

207
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:53,709
Bumbling fool.
I keep telling you I'm looking for a patsy.

208
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:55,251
- Hello.
- Ooh!

209
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:56,826
This moon-faced simpleton...

210
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,955
...is continually interrupting
my search for a patsy. Why to...?

211
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:01,549
Hello.

212
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:03,927
Why are you looking at me like that?

213
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,431
Now, a few more details
about this year's company picnic.

214
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,934
It's at the plant, no food will be served,
the activity will be work...

215
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,801
...and the picnic is canceled.

216
00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:17,076
I would like to add
to any nuclear inspectors in the crowd...

217
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:20,465
...that the titular head of the plant
is now Mr. Homer J. Simpson.

218
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,666
That's right. And as my first act...

219
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,356
...Mr. Burns, you're fired.

220
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,724
That man's mad.

221
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,456
Smithers,
get this bedlamite an alienist.

222
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,458
No. It's entirely within my power.

223
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:38,128
Furthermore, there never were
any nuclear inspectors.

224
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,246
Check and mate. Now king me.

225
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,541
So the caterpillar has emerged
from its cocoon...

226
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,440
...as a shark with a gun for a mouth.

227
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,619
I only have one thing to say to that...

228
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,777
- ...bravo.
- Huh?

229
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,092
We clashed lances
on the Champs de Mars...

230
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:58,117
...and I have been bested.
The plant is yours. Treat her well.

231
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,640
- Mr. Burns?
- Yes?

232
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,685
Eat crowd, old man!

233
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:09,524
Hey, hey, hey, goodbye.

234
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,382
Hey, that looks like fun. Do me.

235
00:15:13,789 --> 00:15:15,541
Yay!

236
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,669
Homer! Homer! Homer!

237
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:24,164
Mr. Burns' reign of terror is over.

238
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,801
Yay!

239
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,189
And today begins
my reign of...

240
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,160
...terrific management.

241
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:36,530
- I thought he was gonna say "terror."
- I didn't think he was.

242
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:41,285
Unlike Mr. Burns, I will respect you,
the working-class slob...

243
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,423
...because we are all equals.

244
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,707
And now, as I ascend
this crystal staircase to my office...

245
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,512
...I say, avert your gaze.

246
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,316
Yay!

247
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,469
That is so cool.

248
00:15:58,917 --> 00:15:59,917
Bart, open the door.

249
00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:06,039
Now, open it again
and put a walnut in there.

250
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:09,032
Dad, please.
You're the head of a major corporation.

251
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,534
You're right.
Put two walnuts in there.

252
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,099
Dad, have you looked
at this earnings report?

253
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,393
Sweetie, these things
are gonna take time.

254
00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:18,791
I just found the door-shutting thing.

255
00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:21,096
Ha, ha, oh, yeah.

256
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:28,019
Now I'm forcibly retired,
I feel I should give back to society...

257
00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:31,690
...and do some charitable work.
But first, I want to take a lot of opium.

258
00:16:32,326 --> 00:16:34,672
Uh, if you say so, sir.

259
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,405
Uh, excuse me. Do you know
where I can buy some, uh, drugs?

260
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,469
Drugs? Everything is drugs.

261
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:42,774
Banana made of drugs,
monkey made of drugs.

262
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,713
Look, all market made of drugs.

263
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:48,602
- I'd like to buy this.
- Only American money.

264
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,302
Our money is made of drugs.

265
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:54,118
To make this plant economically viable,
you've gotta lay off 112 people.

266
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,768
If you don't patch the leak
in Cooling Tower 2, you will go to jail.

267
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:02,314
- Oh, I need a vacation.
- This is your vacation.

268
00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:06,683
- Can't I water-ski a little bit?
- Fine.

269
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,418
Homer, I'll go over
the year-end profit forecast...

270
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:15,254
- ...if you'll stop looking at my boobs.
- No deal.

271
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:17,986
I got a gold star at school today...

272
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,801
...for my exposé on toxins
in gold-star adhesive.

273
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,971
That's great, honey.
Hold it up to the camera.

274
00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:26,776
Homie, I know you've got
a lot of work to do...

275
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:30,446
...but this really isn't the same
as eating dinner with your family.

276
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:35,670
Look, there is nothing more important
to me than you guys. I think...

277
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,049
...best quality pork chops.

278
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,353
Dad, this just isn't working.

279
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:43,897
Lisa, I deeply resent...

280
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,900
...with a big bowl of applesauce.

281
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,601
Hey, Dad, you said
you were gonna play catch with me.

282
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,823
Well, I have to work.
But give the monitor a kiss.

283
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:54,429
I don't wanna do that.

284
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:58,777
Come on, boy. You're not too old
to kiss your daddy's monitor.

285
00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:03,010
Hey, that's a printer port,
not a finger hole.

286
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:08,724
Homie?

287
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:11,133
Hey, honey. Sorry I'm so late.

288
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,677
I had to lay off 27 robots.

289
00:18:14,178 --> 00:18:15,783
Don't tell me they can't cry.

290
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:23,677
Check it out. I'm Tomokazu Ohka
of the Montreal Expos.

291
00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:27,639
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm Esteban Yan
of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

292
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,329
And I'm the man at the ballpark
everyone hates.

293
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,832
- The umpire?
- No, Billy Crystal.

294
00:18:39,328 --> 00:18:42,039
Bart's growing up without me.
He won't be 10 forever.

295
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:44,666
- Knock, knock.
- Ah! Mr. Burns.

296
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,167
Where's Mr. Smithers?

297
00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:48,326
He's doing 80 years on an opium bust.

298
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,288
I never saw a man
take to a Turkish prison so quickly.

299
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,227
How did you ever run this place?

300
00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:56,126
You gotta turn away your family,
fire your friends...

301
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:59,170
...work until the wee hours
of the afternoon.

302
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,986
Simpson, I worked here
for three score and twain.

303
00:19:02,518 --> 00:19:05,187
That's 62 years in the "new English."

304
00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:07,158
I want to show you something.

305
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:11,318
These are people in my life
I could never find time for...

306
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,393
...because I was too busy working.

307
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,937
This was my fiancée, Gertrude.

308
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,825
I was working so hard,
I missed our wedding, honeymoon...

309
00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:22,006
...and our divorce proceedings.
She died of loneliness.

310
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,509
Loneliness and rabies. Do you see
why I brought you here, Simpson?

311
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,699
Yes, yes.

312
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:32,193
If I keep putting work first,
I'll lose everyone I care about...

313
00:19:32,965 --> 00:19:34,393
...just like you did.

314
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,418
Thank you, Mr. Burns.
Thank you for...

315
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,811
Steal my plant, will you?
By the time you wake up...

316
00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:49,137
...you'll be walled inside
my mausoleum forever.

317
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:07,311
- What are you doing?
- Scream all you like.

318
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,251
No one will hear you.

319
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:11,295
All right. Ah.

320
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:14,642
Don't know why you're trying to
steal the plant back. I don't want it.

321
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:18,041
Oh, keep begging.
You're just wasting precious oxygen.

322
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,127
Brick by brick, I seal his doom.

323
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:26,904
There you go.

324
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,772
Hey, Dad, pitch to me.

325
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:35,256
From now on, my only ambition
is to be the world's greatest dad.

326
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:41,273
Hey, you nearly hit me on the head.

327
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:43,608
- Quit crowding the plate.
- Ugh.

328
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,157
Oh, you want a piece of me?

329
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,585
You see, this is the stuff...

330
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,858
- ...Mom won't do with me.
- Yeah.

331
00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:07,695
Ow! Ow! He bit me!
You saw him. He bit me!

332
00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:09,477
You little...