1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,339
The Simpsons.

2
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,863
Oh, doctor, I'm crazy.

3
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,711
Bill. Bill. Ooh! Llib!

4
00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,089
Eh, wait a minute... Bill!

5
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:31,216
Huh? "Springfield University Homecoming."

6
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:35,220
Finally, a chance to relive
my golden college years.

7
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,888
Dad, you only took one course.

8
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,641
Remember my love affair with Ali McGraw?

9
00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:43,186
She used to call me "Preppy".
Then she died.

10
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:46,981
Oh, there's a homecoming parade,
A cocktail party...

11
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,443
Then the big game between Springfield-U
and Springfield A&M.

12
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:53,738
I hate Springfield-U so much.

13
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,908
You went to Springfield-U. You hate A&M.

14
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So much.

15
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,499
My old dorm room.

16
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,418
Come on, baby. Let's matriculate.

17
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,423
You college boys are only
interested in one thing.

18
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:16,386
Whoa... you're supposed
to hang your necktie

19
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,555
on the doorknob
if you got a girl in the room.

20
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,057
Or a ski hat if you've got
a picture of a girl.

21
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,270
My old roommates... the nerds.

22
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:28,481
- Ah... you working?
- Oh, my, yes.

23
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,775
I'm on a secret project
that I'm not at liberty

24
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,443
to divulge... Cyborgs.

25
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,487
I invented a program that downloads porn

26
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,448
off the Internet one million times faster.

27
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,826
Does anybody need that much porno?

28
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Oh... one million times.

29
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Yeah, so because of me

30
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:52,088
all the dorms now have security phones.

31
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And now let's give
a warm Alumni welcome...

32
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,177
Uh, you know, clapping...

33
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,929
to Springfield-U's
all-American place kicker.

34
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,641
Anton Lubchenko.

35
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,644
In home country, growing up in filth.

36
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Lubchenko dreams to play U.S.A. football.

37
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,275
On my father's deathbed
he made me promise to...

38
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Long story short, go Springfield-U.

39
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,615
Yes. Thank you, Anton.

40
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:21,201
Now, folks, a seven and five
football season

41
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,494
doesn't come cheap
and this is a fund-raiser.

42
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:26,206
Seal the exits.

43
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:32,170
Thank you, thank you.
Come on, hurry up.

44
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,422
All right now, let's empty our pockets.

45
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:37,592
- Make me.
- Professor Rocco... Chancellor Knuckles...

46
00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:40,345
Wait... OK...

47
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:42,931
- All right, OK.
- Get every dime.

48
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,058
The Whiffle-Snuffs need new cummerbunds.

49
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:48,061
We look like slobs.

50
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,565
I'm beginning to think this Alumni party

51
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,234
was just a ruse to get our money.

52
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:57,153
That Dean is going to get
an indignant e-mail.

53
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,197
You should do it with bold, red letters.

54
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,074
My computer has 512 shades of red.

55
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:03,576
Have you nerds forgotten
everything I taught you?

56
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,620
This calls for a prank.

57
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:08,873
I see... a bucket.

58
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,131
Oh, this is going to be so great.

59
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,716
I think I know that guy.

60
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,426
He ran over the Dean five years ago.

61
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,552
Punch up that picture.

62
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,098
All right, now age the picture five years.

63
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,350
That's him. Good work.

64
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,602
Now, let's see who's having
sex at the library.

65
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,562
Aw, they scrambled it.

66
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:36,067
So when Dean Peterson opens his door.

67
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:39,862
This bucket of super glue is going to drop
right on his head.

68
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,197
What the...?

69
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,703
Oh, real original. Who did this?

70
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,579
Kappa Gamma Tau.

71
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,623
Last in grades, first in pranks.

72
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,543
Good evening, gentlemen.

73
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:57,171
Oh, that's it. You're through, Dean.

74
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,467
Now who's the Dean?

75
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:08,141
Oh... Sorry, dad, it just won't budge.

76
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:11,060
I tried greasing the bucket with bacon fat

77
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,645
but your father kept eating it.

78
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:15,189
Oh, couldn't you try a non-delicious fat?

79
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,734
Oh... there's no such thing.

80
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:21,029
Hmm... I'm afraid it's hopeless.

81
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,656
Beneath that bucket,
he's more glue than man.

82
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,742
So he's stuck like this forever?

83
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,243
Oh, now don't fret.

84
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,996
These days, the victims of comedy traumas

85
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:33,374
or "Traumedies"
can still lead rich, full lives.

86
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,049
Hi!

87
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,306
Sorry, but these guys crack me up.

88
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:51,184
What guys? I want to see the freaks.

89
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:54,145
OK, hang on, Homer.
Two eye holes coming up.

90
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,816
Easy... Easy! Too far.

91
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,987
Homer, maybe I should drive.

92
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,031
What? I can see fine.

93
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:08,784
Woah!

94
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,750
That had nothing to do
with the bucket.

95
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,837
Oh... where are we?

96
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,511
"Brother Faith's Revival"?

97
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:31,557
Pray for the healing love
of Brother Faith.

98
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,810
Whoo! Good Lord.

99
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,604
Oh, I feel it in my belly now,
Springfield.

100
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,315
- Mmm... Can you feel the power?
- Yes!

101
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,110
- Do you want to be saved?
- Yes!

102
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,028
Now, correct me if I'm incorrect

103
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,738
but was I told that it's untrue

104
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,698
that people in Springfield have no faith?

105
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,743
Was I not misinformed?

106
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,221
The answer I'm looking for is "Yes."

107
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,913
Yes!

108
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:57,250
Now let's hear it for the Holy Spirit.

109
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,502
No need to fear it.

110
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:01,170
Just revere it.

111
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,381
He works in heaven.

112
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:06,175
That's 24-seven, that's right.

113
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,927
Check the bible, yeah.

114
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:11,222
John 02:11, jump back,
feel it, feel it.

115
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:14,392
Wow. He dances better than Jesus himself.

116
00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:15,768
What ails you, my son?

117
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,396
I done spraint my elbie-bone

118
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:21,774
so it goes in the opposity di-rection.

119
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:25,528
The power of faith compels you! Heal!

120
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,197
- Take that, Satan.
- Praise the Lord.

121
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,866
Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

122
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,661
It was a miracle and it was gross. Cool.

123
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,955
What affliction be-plagues you, my friend?

124
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,419
- Come again?
- He paralyzed his vocal cords.

125
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:44,422
Cramming too many "K" sounds
into a punch line.

126
00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:47,758
Oh, mercy, well, I'm not sure
there's anything I can do for...

127
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,428
Feel the power!

128
00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:52,430
Release this clown!

129
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:54,974
Have you gone completely fakackta?

130
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,351
Hey, I got my comedy "K's" back.

131
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,479
King Kong cold-cocked Kato Kaelin.

132
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,607
Hey, you gentiles are all right.

133
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,942
Wow. Is there anything he can't do?

134
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,195
Cure me! Cure me!

135
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,907
Brother, I sense you are feeling
trapped and desperate.

136
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,534
Yeah, and I got a bucket on my head.

137
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,621
Oh... Oh, my.

138
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,264
Satan really jammed that thing on good.

139
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:22,043
I'm going to need a holy helper.
Someone who believes.

140
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:23,794
- No.
- OK, moving on.

141
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,838
I need someone with the power.

142
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,049
This golden-haired little boy.

143
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:32,678
Son, lay hands upon
your father's burdensome bucket.

144
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:36,182
Now proclaim, "I have the power."

145
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:37,892
"I have the power."

146
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,228
Oh, say it like you mean it, boy.

147
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,772
"I have the power."

148
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,315
"I have the power!"

149
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:51,405
- I see the light. It burns!
- Hallelujah!

150
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:55,701
Behold... This child has the power.

151
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,703
Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

152
00:08:58,496 --> 00:08:59,997
Uh, miracle boy...

153
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,333
I believe I had hair. Oh, here they are.

154
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,716
Ah, you two were great tonight.

155
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,343
You didn't bite me or anything.

156
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:14,428
Oh, how's that little rattle doing?

157
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,224
Excuse me, Brother Faith. I got to know...

158
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,810
How did you really get
the bucket off my dad's head?

159
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:24,313
Well, I didn't, son... you did.
God gave you the power.

160
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,023
Really? Hmmm...

161
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,109
I would think he would
want to limit my power.

162
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,444
Oh, yes, Lord.

163
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,905
When I was your age,
I was a hell-raiser, too.

164
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,657
My slingshot was my cross.

165
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,244
But I saw the light
and changed my wicked ways.

166
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,454
I figure I'll go for the life of sin

167
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,790
followed by the presto-chango
deathbed repentance.

168
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,792
Wow, that's a good angle.

169
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,044
But that's not God's angle.

170
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:50,131
Why not spend your life
helping people instead?

171
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:53,134
Then you're also covered
in case of sudden death.

172
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,469
Full coverage. Hmmm...

173
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,597
Then I said, "I have the power!"

174
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,473
And the bucket came off.

175
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:00,975
Cool! Wow!

176
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,476
Can you heal me?

177
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,854
I can't breathe good
and it makes me sleepy.

178
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,689
I'll give it a whirl, Ralphie boy.

179
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,277
Devil be gone!

180
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:15,781
- My milk money and my milk.
- Ew!

181
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,116
You did it, Bart.

182
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:18,951
He really does have the power.

183
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,995
Go forth and spread the word!

184
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,831
Spread it!

185
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,293
Bart, I hope you don't believe
your own hype.

186
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,962
Number of miracles performed by Bart-02.

187
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,298
Number performed by Lisa-zero.

188
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,717
How can you believe all this mumbo-jumbo?

189
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,218
The bucket came off dad's head

190
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,220
because the bright lights heated it

191
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,556
causing the metal to expand.

192
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,808
"Heat makes metal expand."

193
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,644
Now who's talking mumbo-jumbo?

194
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:51,108
I can't come up with an idea
for my homecoming float.

195
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,028
- Do it for me.
- What have you got so far?

196
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,824
Look at Moe dance Aloha Moe.

197
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,035
That's nice, but maybe
your homecoming float

198
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:02,912
should have something to do with college.

199
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,163
Yeah, you're right.

200
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,877
I think Godzilla's bigger than superman.

201
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,879
Pfft... it's not to scale.

202
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:15,508
In his letter to the Corinthians.

203
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:18,552
Paul instructed them to send ten copies

204
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:21,972
to the Thessalonians and the Ephesians.

205
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:25,518
But the Ephesians broke
the chain and were punished...

206
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,353
I got two words for this sermon...

207
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,357
Am I boring you, Bart?

208
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,818
Well, to be honest, yes.

209
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,862
Hey, I'm doing the best
with the material I have.

210
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:37,863
But church can be fun.

211
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,032
No, really.

212
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,910
It can be a crazy party
with clouds and lasers and miracles...

213
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,328
And chilli fries!

214
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:47,248
A real preacher knows
how to bring the bible alive

215
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:50,626
through music and dancing and tae-bo!

216
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,717
He's kicking it old school!

217
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,635
Never give them an opening.

218
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,515
Three, two, one, pull!

219
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:15,735
That exterminator tent will be perfect
for your revival meeting.

220
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,237
Hmm, maybe we should air it out a little.

221
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,161
Ah, ha. Excuse me, neighbor.

222
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,288
Ah, yeah, I couldn't help but notice

223
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:29,707
you picked pretty much all of my flowers.

224
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:31,941
Can't make a float without flowers.

225
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,627
Oh, sure enough

226
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,255
but, uh, did you have to salt the earth

227
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,882
so nothing would ever grow again?

228
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:40,342
Yeah.

229
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,392
OK, Springfield!

230
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,896
- How many of you are in horrible pain?
- Yes!

231
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:56,901
Then put your souls
together for brother... Bart!

232
00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:00,988
Satan, eat my shorts!

233
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,575
I was a sinner a real bad kid.

234
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:07,161
What thou shalt not, I shalt did.

235
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,497
Neighbor's cat I tried to neuter.

236
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,249
Took a whiz on the school computer.

237
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,751
He took a whiz.

238
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,420
Oh, yes, he did.

239
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,256
But now I've changed you can't deny.

240
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,841
Come on up.

241
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,510
And testify.

242
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,178
Testify, testify.

243
00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,514
Come on up and testify.

244
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:27,681
My hip's misbehaving.

245
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,682
Testify.

246
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,226
Got a nicotine craving.

247
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,393
Testify.

248
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,770
There's a cramp in my glayving.

249
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:33,938
Testify.

250
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,439
Testify.

251
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,524
Testify.

252
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:45,658
Perhaps it's time
to fight razzle with dazzle.

253
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:55,209
Mi... Michael, row... Row...
Row the boat...

254
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:58,754
- Is he killing that guitar, daddy?
- Yes, son.

255
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,173
My glasses make me look like a geek.

256
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,676
Now you'll get the girls you seek.

257
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,095
We'll see you at make-out creek.

258
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:10,099
Bart's the boy of the hour.

259
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:13,018
He's got the power.

260
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,855
So raise your voice and don't be shy.

261
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,399
Testi... Testi...

262
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:20,860
Tes...

263
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,195
Ti...

264
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,698
- Fy.
- Testify, testify.

265
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,950
Come on up and testify.

266
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,081
Thank you, Bart, for fixing my vision.

267
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:36,375
Now I see with total precision.

268
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:39,128
Song's over, Milhouse, but you're welcome.

269
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:43,757
Nice doggy.

270
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:48,053
Milhouse!

271
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:51,599
Bury me at make-out creek.

272
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:02,484
Oh, Milhouse, this is my fault.
I'm so sorry.

273
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:06,155
That's OK. You can just heal me again,
right?

274
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,364
I don't think I can.

275
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,908
Please?

276
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,619
This cast is real itchy
and I tried to scratch

277
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,662
and the fork got stuck in there.

278
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,915
And I think there
was some food on the fork.

279
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:19,710
Ugh. OK, I'll see what I can do.

280
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:23,839
Heal... Heal.

281
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,008
Oh, it always does that.

282
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,929
Milhouse, I can't help you.

283
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,347
I am no healer.

284
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,059
Could you tell my mom I'm here?

285
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:38,812
Big game fever is reaching a fevered pitch
as the fevered rivalry

286
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,398
between Springfield-U. And Springfield A&M

287
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:45,027
spreads like wild fever.
This... this is writing?

288
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:48,197
I'm sorry, uncle Kent.
I lost my thesaurus.

289
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,283
"Thesaurus"...
You'll lose more than that.

290
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,620
In preparation for the big game,
Springfield stadium has caught

291
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:58,248
additional-seating-capacity
fever.

292
00:15:58,332 --> 00:15:59,750
Whoo-hoo! Go S.U.!

293
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,503
A&M is going to kick
your ivy-covered butts.

294
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,797
Yeah? Well, you went to a cow college.

295
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,840
Oh, you're only calling us a cow college

296
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,550
'cause we were founded by a cow.

297
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:17,643
Whoa, Nellie, we have ourselves
a barn burner today.

298
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,812
Welcome to the 117th dust-up between

299
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,106
the Snorting Wwine of Springfield A&M

300
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,566
and the Springfield University
Nittany Tide.

301
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,277
Oh-ho, doctor, break out
the hickory switch.

302
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,322
OK, who needs another lamb rack?

303
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,450
Lisa, Ham hock? Tri-tip?

304
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,995
Do we have any food that wasn't
brutally slaughtered?

305
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,205
Well, I think the veal might
have died of loneliness.

306
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,332
Well, hang on to your hoop-skirts, folks,

307
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,127
because Anton Lubchenko
is going to be kicking higher

308
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,045
than a mule on payday.

309
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:48,424
Oh, Land O'Lakes! Take that, ozone layer!

310
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:57,349
What a glorious day
to be that man's foot.

311
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,566
Whoa, Annie get your radar gun!

312
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:08,777
'Cause that tamale
was one tall drink of water.

313
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:12,823
Wow! He should have his foot insured
by Lloyd's of London.

314
00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:15,909
You just know what
everyone should do, don't you, Marge?

315
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,162
Now, ladies and gentlemen

316
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,997
pour a little cider on those peepers

317
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,833
'cause here comes the halftime parade!

318
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:25,627
I forgot my float!
Quick! Pass me down!

319
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,297
Stop that!

320
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,177
OK, Lis, if they don't have tabbouleh

321
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,178
what's your second choice?

322
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:35,763
They'll have tabbouleh.

323
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,140
You're the miracle boy
with the healing hands.

324
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,641
Arr... en't ya?

325
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,310
Nah, I don't do that anymore.

326
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,103
So I guess I'll have to see someone else

327
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,730
about my crippling depression.

328
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,566
Arrgh.

329
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,235
Wow... And I thought he had it all.

330
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,490
I've had.

331
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:57,242
The halftime of my life.

332
00:17:57,326 --> 00:18:00,788
And I owe it all to S. U.

333
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,874
An overdue tribute to halftime itself.

334
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,293
And as those lumbering ships
of the gridiron

335
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,878
sail off into our memories.

336
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:09,755
The players return to the field.

337
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,548
Wait... hang on!

338
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,175
Then... what's this?

339
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,262
Wait, wait! I got a float, too!

340
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,057
Listen up, 'cause I got to
explain a lot it!

341
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:25,270
Hey, look out! He's nuts!

342
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,731
Out of the way, Baryshnikov!

343
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,320
He hit the star player!

344
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:36,323
Dad has the worst luck when he's drinking.

345
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,160
Now, does this hurt?

346
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,537
Just a simple yes or no.

347
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:45,290
Oh, I only wanted to show
my school spirit.

348
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:50,379
I wagered a large sum on the performance
of that scholar-athlete.

349
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,301
No! Wit! I got a kid
who's a miracle worker.

350
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,845
He'll heal him up real good.

351
00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:00,389
Well, he'd better, or else...

352
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:01,682
Or else what?

353
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,433
Oh, right, the ice pick.

354
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,480
Bart, I need a miracle!

355
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:11,275
Sorry, dad. I can't just
magically cure a broken leg.

356
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:15,154
Please, Bart!

357
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,072
You've got to use your powers.

358
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,157
I'm begging you.

359
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:24,538
Son, I'm afraid that leg
is hanging by a thread.

360
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:27,624
Lubchenko must return to game.

361
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,501
Oh, your playing days are over, my friend.

362
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,920
But you can always
fall back on your degree in...

363
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,007
Communications! Oh, dear Lord!

364
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:38,844
I know... is phony major.

365
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:41,847
Lubchenko learn nothing,
nothing!

366
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,015
Bart, do your thing.

367
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:50,022
OK, God, if you did give me
a power, let it work now...

368
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,816
Not just for me, but for my dad.

369
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:57,279
Heal, heal, heal!

370
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,990
Oh, doctor, with S.U. behind
and seconds left

371
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,242
my supply of homespun sayings

372
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:05,287
is lower than a doodlebug
in aunt Tillie's root cellar.

373
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,371
So we'll...

374
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,624
Oh, jumpin' crawdaddies!

375
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,918
Is that Lubchenko coming back
on the field?

376
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:17,174
Bart did it! And they're going
to try for a field goal!

377
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,968
A field goal? Hmm... 19, 20, 21.

378
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,471
That would win the game!

379
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,302
I did it! I did it!

380
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,554
My leg... it broke off!

381
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,392
Yes!

382
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:18,568
- Poor guy... he lost his leg.
- No, no. No...

383
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:20,505
The fans will whoop it up
with that leg tonight...

384
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:22,197
You know, drink beer out of it and so on.

385
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,758
But, uh, it'll turn up in the morning.

386
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,200
And I'll sew it back on.

387
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,785
Will that really work?

388
00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,453
Well, I assume so...

389
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:31,081
As long as I have Bart's healing powers.

390
00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:32,874
Why won't anybody listen to me?

391
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,085
I don't have any special powers.

392
00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:36,962
I am not a healer.

393
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,381
Fine. More money for me.

394
00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:32,309
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