1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,506
The Simpsons.

2
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:28,797
Snooze. Need more snooze.

3
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:54,114
Num-num, Maggie. Num-num.

4
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,782
Did somebody say "num-num"?

5
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,119
I can't get Maggie to eat.

6
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,245
Maybe if you try...

7
00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:03,456
Oh, I'm 26 hours late for work.
No time for Maggie.

8
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,793
Ooh, Where's Waldo! No. No.

9
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,962
This would be a lot easier
without all these people.

10
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,756
Nope. Nope.
It's there! Oh. Nope.

11
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,634
- Homer!
- Waldo, where are you?

12
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,684
And it is a nightmare
out there on the freeways today

13
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:23,893
with surface streets jammed

14
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,437
and the sidewalks filled
with pushy New Yorkers.

15
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:31,401
Hey! How'd you like
a Details magazine up the wazoo?

16
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,035
Oh, sure, single me out.

17
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,539
All right, smart guy,
where's the fire?

18
00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:45,623
Over there.

19
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,880
OK, you just bought yourself
a 3-17,

20
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,090
pointing out police stupidity.

21
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,675
Or is that a 3-14?

22
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Nah, nah, 3-14 is a dog,
uh, in...

23
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,347
No, or is that a 3-15?
You're in trouble, pal.

24
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,812
I'd hate to see the look
on old Burnsie's face.

25
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,981
If he knew I was
just getting in.

26
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,487
Hmm... who is that?

27
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,615
Big, ugly nose,

28
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:22,952
bald, liver spot,
liver spot. Hmm...

29
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,668
Turn around, Simpson.

30
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,587
No!
I can't get in trouble.

31
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:33,671
If I can't see you.

32
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,006
I'm afraid he's got us, sir.

33
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:43,973
Safe in the core, and now...

34
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:47,995
Don't forget the leg protectors, sir.

35
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,020
Ah, yes.

36
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,026
I knew I had those
installed for a reason.

37
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,746
Aw, this is the worst day ever.

38
00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,331
Hey, Homer, what gives?

39
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,584
Mr. Burns is making me eat
all these drums of toxic waste.

40
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,127
Geez, that's rough.

41
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,296
There must be 200, 300 gallons in here.

42
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,007
Yeah, and even a teaspoon
could cause a fatal tumor.

43
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,653
Hey, you want to come
bowling with us tonight?

44
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,719
OK.

45
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,267
Hello?

46
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,851
Homer? Where are you?

47
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,396
You promised you were going to have
a tea party with Maggie.

48
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:36,067
Oh, Marge,
I'm sorry. I can't make it.

49
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:37,443
A cooling tank just blew

50
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,445
and they're taking Lenny to the hospital.

51
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,531
Oh, no, not Lenny!

52
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,574
Not Lenny!

53
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,702
Yeah, so I'm going to have to work late

54
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,179
instead of seeing you and the kids,

55
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:48,454
which is what I really want.

56
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,540
OK. Sure.

57
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,251
Kids, turn off the TV.

58
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:56,713
I have some bad news about Lenny.

59
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,506
Not Lenny!

60
00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:02,885
Hey, Carl, check out
the overhead scoreboard.

61
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,848
"Poo." Uh, Homer,

62
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,558
what wacky name do you want?

63
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,059
Are "poo" and "ass" taken?

64
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,269
- Yeah.
- Damn!

65
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:13,313
Could my life get any worse?

66
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,481
Simpson! Ugh!

67
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,567
Even for a bowler, you're fat!

68
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:18,860
Hey, guys, is it normal

69
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,778
to see Burns's face
on a bowling ball?

70
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,222
Uh, actually,
I'd say you're having

71
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,614
a severe psychotic episode.

72
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:26,159
Aw, what a rotten day!

73
00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,914
Wow, a strike.

74
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,126
Hey, if that's psychotic,
then why am I taking these?

75
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:42,050
You're polishing bone!

76
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,765
Hey, Homer,
that's four strikes in a row.

77
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,391
You've got a perfect game going!

78
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,393
- Really?
- Careful what you say, Lenny.

79
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,896
- You'll jinx it.
- Oh, right. Sorry.

80
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,149
Miss! Miss!

81
00:05:58,232 --> 00:05:59,776
Sorry, I was calling the waitress.

82
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,653
Uh, this split you sold me
is making me choke.

83
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,155
- Lenny...
- What?

84
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,948
I paid $7.10 for this split.

85
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,534
Will you at least call it
a banana split, you dumbwad?

86
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,079
Hey, spare me your gutter mouth.

87
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,009
Practice ball, practice ball.

88
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,345
Real, real, real, real, real!

89
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,514
Whoo-hoo!

90
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,351
Kids, today we have to talk about.

91
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,270
Krusty brand Chew Goo
gum-like substance.

92
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,147
We knew it contained spider eggs,

93
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,690
but the hantavirus,

94
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,485
well, that really
came out of left field.

95
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,238
So, if any of you have experienced

96
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:48,241
numbness or comas,
send proof of purchase

97
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:52,078
and five dollars
to "Antidote, P.O. Box 14...

98
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:55,081
This is Kent Brockman,
live from Barney's Bowlarama

99
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,166
where local pinhead Homer Simpson.

100
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,709
Is on the verge of a perfect game.

101
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:01,587
Hey, there was no accident
at the plant.

102
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,881
Dad just wanted to go bowling.

103
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,008
He shouldn't have deceived me,

104
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,095
but I'm just so relieved Lenny's OK.

105
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,764
This could be the greatest
individual achievement.

106
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,267
In the history of Springfield,

107
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,894
which proves just how pitiful
this town is.

108
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,896
Morons.

109
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,940
Homer! Homer!

110
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,567
Homer!

111
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:31,033
Whoo-hoo! I'm ten pins away
from perfection!

112
00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:35,204
Now, listen, your father
really needs to concentrate,

113
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,458
so we'll just stay here
and not disturb him.

114
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,169
Why won't they come over?

115
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,962
I'm so lonely.

116
00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:44,922
This is it, folks,
the ball that will determine

117
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,966
whether Homer Simpson rolls
a perfect game

118
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:49,594
or a pathetic two-ninety-something.

119
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,854
What's wrong, Abe?

120
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:02,940
This is as fast as I can move.

121
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,829
Get down, get down.

122
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:44,398
Whoo-hoo! This is
the greatest day of my life!

123
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,242
You did it, Homey.

124
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,370
In your face, to-do list!

125
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,454
Homer, Homer, Homer...

126
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,581
Thank you. Thank you.

127
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,292
But there was someone else
with me on that alley.

128
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,962
I'm talking about the big man,

129
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,046
Carl.

130
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:09,674
Aw, can the corn, bonehead.

131
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,805
Children, today's local hero
is Homer Simpson.

132
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:20,434
Mr. Simpson bowled
a perfect game

133
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:23,187
without the aid of steroids,
crack, angel dust

134
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,438
or the other narcotics

135
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,066
that are synonymous
with pro bowling.

136
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,526
Thank you, Bart's teacher.

137
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,072
You know, kids, my teachers said

138
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,824
I would never amount to anything.

139
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:37,410
And until last week,
they were dead right.

140
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:40,371
But now I've achieved perfection.

141
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,586
Any questions?

142
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,296
Yes, Bart's weird friend.

143
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,089
Will you be my dad?

144
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,133
You've got a father.

145
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,843
He's just a dud. Next question.

146
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,803
Yes, the girl Bart has a crush on.

147
00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,390
Do you think I could grow up
to be a doctor?

148
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,684
Hey, this was supposed
to be about me.

149
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,061
Now, any other questions?
Pumpkin face?

150
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,439
Head gear? Chicken pox?

151
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,816
Smelly? Lazy eye? Spiky head?

152
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:13,070
OK, class dismissed. Rock on!

153
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,699
Want to split the birthday cupcakes?

154
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,159
Live from Shelbyville,

155
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,119
It's the Springfield Squares

156
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,912
featuring our new center square,

157
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,040
Homer "perfect game" Simpson.

158
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,086
Hey. Hi, Ron.

159
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,047
There's a stairway, dumbass.

160
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:34,050
OK, we'll start with
our returning champion,

161
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,134
Disco Stu.

162
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:39,764
Disco Stu's going to groove up
some dough playing tic-tac-toe.

163
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:42,725
Stu, we like to downplay
the resemblance to tic-tac-toe.

164
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,519
I can dig it. Hit me
with the center square.

165
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:48,397
- Uh, Homer.
- Yes, Kent?

166
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,066
According to Redbook magazine,

167
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,234
what is the speed of light?

168
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,529
Well, that...
Wait, uh...

169
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,740
Do I read from the sheet
labeled "jokes" or "answers"?

170
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,700
Oh, for the love of...
Stop tape.

171
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,369
Make me center square, Kent.

172
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,703
I'm ready. I can handle it.

173
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:03,913
Dream on, Drunky.

174
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:04,996
Oh, that's it.

175
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,999
You're going down. Ugh!

176
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:11,921
Stop it, you two.
You're making Scratchy cry.

177
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,632
Oh, we've got to stop putting
these flavors of the month on.

178
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:17,718
- Flavor of the month? Me?
- Yeah, Homer.

179
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:20,388
You can't just ride
one accomplishment forever.

180
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,972
Why do you think I stopped acting

181
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,349
and became a director?

182
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:24,433
I don't know.

183
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,837
Because you weren't cute anymore?

184
00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,603
Hmm... I'll agree.

185
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,447
Circle gets the square.
Good night, everyone.

186
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:39,198
Now, before my partner, Teller,
hits the shark-infested water

187
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,158
I'll need to borrow
someone's crossbow.

188
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,828
I only need one.

189
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,582
Now, to save my partner's life,

190
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,543
- I'll need complete...
- Hello, everybody.

191
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,505
Did somebody say a perfect game?

192
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,799
You idiot.
You'll ruin everything.

193
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,175
I'm doing a walk-on.

194
00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,760
It's a show business thing.

195
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,470
So, how are you all doing?

196
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,140
Let's see,
what's in the news today?

197
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,683
Will you shut up?

198
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,059
Hey, I thought you never talked.

199
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,978
Uh... I didn't mean to.

200
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,521
It just slipped out.

201
00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:13,274
Oh, God.
Now Penn's going to beat me.

202
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:15,526
Folks,
it's all part of the act.

203
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,610
No, it isn't.

204
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,028
Don't leave me alone with him.

205
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,156
You've ruined the act.
I'm going to kill you.

206
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,241
He'll do it.
I'm not the first Teller.

207
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,327
Remember, Springfield,
keep on swinging.

208
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,413
Hey, come here.
I... I just want to talk to you.

209
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,998
Come here! Come here!

210
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,624
Ooh, ooh... Guys?

211
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:36,589
Remember, in the whole world,
there's nobody like you.

212
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:37,923
You're special.

213
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,342
So special.

214
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:44,388
That's right. You are.

215
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,473
Hey, everybody.

216
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,433
I'm going to be on TV again.

217
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:52,605
That's right.

218
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,483
You've got a special daddy.

219
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,526
Burt Reynolds apologized
to the Pope

220
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,528
and promised to replace
the windshield.

221
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,071
Burt Reynolds, class act.

222
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,824
Well, now for our weekly
segment, "Yesterday's News"

223
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,409
featuring Homer Simpson.

224
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,077
Are you as bored as I am
with the antics

225
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,038
of this warmed-over Fred Flintstone?

226
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,707
I say it's time to put this
one-trick pony

227
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:12,792
out to stud.

228
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,127
Whoo-hoo!
First stop, Maude Flanders.

229
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,962
- Homer!
- But she said I...

230
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,380
Dad, what she's saying is,

231
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,924
you've had your moment
in the sun

232
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,469
and now it's time for you
to gracefully step aside.

233
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:25,930
Lisa, I know
what's going on here.

234
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,348
They did it to Jesus

235
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,099
and now they're doing it to me.

236
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,602
Are you comparing
yourself to our Lord?

237
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,729
Well, in bowling ability.

238
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,650
Sweet bowling alley balloon.

239
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,527
You're my only friend.

240
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,450
What was that about?

241
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,327
Marge, has my life peaked?

242
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:51,789
Oh, Homey,
is that what's bothering you?

243
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,626
Well, the one sure cure
for the blues

244
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,587
is to talk it over
with your life partner.

245
00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,880
You're right.

246
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,423
I can't believe it, Moe.

247
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,385
The greatest feat of my life
is already forgotten.

248
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:07,471
Geez, Homer, I've never seen
you so depressed.

249
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,890
As your life partner,
I'm very worried.

250
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,017
Save your tears, Moe.

251
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,853
Save 'em in a shot glass

252
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,647
for someone who still has
a shred of hope.

253
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,107
A shred of what? I'm sorry,

254
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,025
I was counting
the cocktail radishes.

255
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,236
Now where was I?

256
00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:24,280
Uh, two, three...

257
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:27,157
Three radishes.
Three big radishes.

258
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,161
This is the end.

259
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:35,291
Beautiful friend.

260
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,629
This is the end.

261
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:46,176
My only friend, the end.

262
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:51,265
Weird scenes inside
the gold mine...

263
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,905
Well, world, this is it.

264
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:09,116
You know, I always thought
you'd die before me.

265
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,784
Now, as I prepare my soul

266
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,037
for an eternity of fire and poking...

267
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,039
Yeah, less chat, more splat, pal.

268
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:27,051
Hey, Mr. S.
I didn't know you bungeed.

269
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:28,636
I want to live!

270
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,471
No, no! You're too heavy!

271
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,598
It's a glandular problem!

272
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,228
Ooh, Morlocks.

273
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,355
Chuds.

274
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,689
Mole people!

275
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:45,152
There is no escape
from the fortress of the moles.

276
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:46,904
Well, except that.

277
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,452
Oh, Lord. You saved me.

278
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,496
I guess you had some
higher purpose in mind.

279
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,207
Hey! Look out!

280
00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,875
Oh. Dumbass.

281
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,269
You trying to get yourself killed?

282
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,503
Not anymore, Ron.

283
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:05,506
Now I'm looking for something
to dedicate my life to.

284
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:07,216
Something noble, but easy.

285
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,635
Daddy, stop talking to that bum.

286
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:11,470
Look, I'd love to
help you out, Homer,

287
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,430
but I'm taking my kids to the zoo.

288
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,640
That's great.

289
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:17,726
Even big stars
take their kids to the zoo.

290
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,228
Well, it's a different zoo

291
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,647
containing animals
you've never heard of.

292
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:24,441
Daddy, we're missing the fantastipotamus!

293
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,694
She only sings twice a day!

294
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,028
That's it!

295
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,697
Kids are the answer.

296
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,783
I'll dedicate my life to my children.

297
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:35,661
Really? You have children?

298
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:37,329
Aw, well, look.
Here's some money.

299
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:40,749
No. I don't want your pity
or your money.

300
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,252
Usually when you say that,

301
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,129
you give the money back.

302
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,672
- I do what now?
- Yoink.

303
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:48,966
Listen, boy.

304
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:50,384
I was wondering if you could use

305
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,302
a little more fatherly attention.

306
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,762
No need, Dad. Over the years,

307
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,198
I've learned to find father figures

308
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:57,391
wherever I can.
Construction workers,

309
00:16:57,474 --> 00:16:59,393
the Internet, and Nelson here.

310
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:02,604
If you tie a string
around your finger real tight,

311
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,273
you can make it turn purple.

312
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,650
I can see I'm not needed here.

313
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,194
Lisa, honey.

314
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,113
Do you need any help
with your homework?

315
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,490
Sure. You can help me
find three words

316
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,534
where "Y" is the vowel.

317
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,622
I've been so blind.

318
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,958
I'll lavish my attention on Maggie,

319
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,585
the forgotten Simpson.

320
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:25,878
Maggie.

321
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,880
It's me, Daddy.

322
00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:30,507
Daddy's going to spend
a lot more time with you.

323
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,800
Yes, he is!

324
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,093
Yes, he is!

325
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,810
Where's Maggie?

326
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,353
Where's Maggie?

327
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,438
Hey, where is she?

328
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:47,232
There you are.

329
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,194
Hi, Maggie.

330
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,738
I'm Homey-womey, the Teletubby.

331
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:54,865
And I'm all man,
in case you heard otherwise.

332
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:58,118
Let's see what's on tummyvision.

333
00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:00,788
Ow! Oh, that hurts!

334
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,458
Whee!

335
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:05,542
Whee!

336
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:06,835
Don't be scared, Maggie.

337
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,128
Daddy won't drop you.

338
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:23,018
You're a tough cookie, Maggie,
but I'm going to win you over,

339
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,020
just like I did with Lisa.

340
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,313
Hi, honey.

341
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,777
OK, dads.

342
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,570
This is where
your child's trust in you

343
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:34,988
really pays off.

344
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,575
Come on. Come on.

345
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,120
Come on, Maggie. You can trust me.

346
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,746
Come to daddy!

347
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,462
I'm sorry, Maggie.

348
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,047
I never realized things between us

349
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,298
had gotten this bad.

350
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,804
What are you pointing at?

351
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:00,806
The ocean?

352
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:05,060
That's a great idea!
We'll swim in the ocean!

353
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:08,689
See, Maggie?

354
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:11,108
The ocean is just like a bathtub.

355
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,985
Except instead of rubber duckies,

356
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:15,779
it has barracudas and moray eels.

357
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,287
Nothing to worry about.
Just a little wave.

358
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,205
And this riptide is certainly

359
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,166
nothing Daddy
can't struggle against.

360
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,249
Help! Help!

361
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,668
Somebody help!

362
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,421
Current... too strong.

363
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:36,466
I know. If I sink to the bottom,
I can run to the shore.

364
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:49,813
Maggie, call Aquaman!

365
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:15,964
Maggie, you're swimming!

366
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,759
You swam out to save me!

367
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:23,931
Oh, you do love me!

368
00:20:28,852 --> 00:20:31,188
Mr. Simpson,
you're going to be fine.

369
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,940
Although you do seem
to have swallowed

370
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,274
a number of shark eggs.

371
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,361
Actually, that was
before I went in the ocean.

372
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,488
Well, I don't want to pry
into your personal life...

373
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,990
- Then don't.
- Doctor, how could a little baby

374
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,284
save a full-grown man from drowning?

375
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,703
It's quite simple.

376
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,288
When a parent's life is in danger,

377
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,958
a child can summon
superhuman strength.

378
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,167
And all I care about

379
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,586
is that my little girl loves me.

380
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,338
Oh. And we're going to spend

381
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,132
a lot more time together
from now on.

382
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,813
Good girl, Maggie!

383
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,648
You knocked down all the pins!

384
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:17,651
But you stepped over the line
just a little bit.

385
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:19,361
So I'll have to give you a five.

386
00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:24,032
And that gives you
a final score of... 295.

387
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,617
Looks like Daddy won.

388
00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:28,453
But 295 is awfully good
for a baby.

389
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:33,875
Yes, it is. It's very good,
and you're a good little baby.

390
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:35,419
Yes, you are!

391
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:34,061
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