1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,922
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,823
I hope you enjoyed
my one-man pie fight, kids.

3
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:35,910
Now it's time for another
fanshmabulous episode of...

4
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:38,121
- Itchy & Scratchy!
- The Itchy and Scratchy Show!

5
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,448
Kids?

6
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:16,367
Kids?

7
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,745
You're missing
"The Itchy & Scratchy show."

8
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:19,828
Don't you
like it anymore?

9
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,873
Sure. We love it.

10
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,709
But how can we watch TV
when it's so beautiful out?

11
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Well, yeah, Mom.

12
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,921
I mean, we love you
and Dad, too,

13
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:29,356
but God knows, we don't
need to see you every day.

14
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:31,216
An occasional hug
is all I ask.

15
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,969
Mom! You can hug me
when I'm asleep.

16
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,679
I do.

17
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,435
Hey, Krusty,
you look great.

18
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:43,895
You get your
teeth bleached?

19
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,897
Yeah, it's a new kind
of polymer treatment...

20
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Hey, shut up!

21
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,502
You're here 'cause your
Itchy & Scratchy cartoons

22
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,027
are stinking up
my ratings.

23
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,113
Look at this breakdown
of yesterday's show.

24
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Eeyah... Kaboom.

25
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What happened here?

26
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,576
Lightning hit
the transmitter?

27
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,137
See, that's what I thought
at first...

28
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Hey, shut up!

29
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That crater is where your
lousy cartoon crash-landed!

30
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It's ratings poison!

31
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:09,504
But Itchy & Scratchy
is critically acclaimed.

32
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Acclaimed?

33
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,676
I ought to replace it right now
with a Chinese cartoon

34
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,637
where the robots
turn into... Blingwads!

35
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,099
But I'm a lazy,
lazy man, Roger.

36
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,101
So I'll give you
one more chance.

37
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Now, get out!

38
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Don't come back till you've
fixed Itchy & Scratchy.

39
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Okay, Mel,
you can go in now.

40
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,113
Krusty, I've come
to solicit donations

41
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,489
for the rock 'n roll museum,

42
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,783
and I'll come back later.

43
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I need to purchase
a brassiere.

44
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,416
You kids wait over here
in the credit department.

45
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Oh, can't we just
wander around

46
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and meet you back here
later?

47
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Okay, just be careful.

48
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Would you kids
like to come with me?

49
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,555
- Okay, I guess so.
- Sounds good to me. Let's go.

50
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:04,184
All right, thanks for participating
in our focus group, kids.

51
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,977
Today, we're going
to show you some.

52
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,896
Itchy & Scratchy
cartoons.

53
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Cool!

54
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We want you to tell us
what you think

55
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,776
and be honest because

56
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,987
no one from the show
is here spying on you.

57
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,365
Why is that
mirror sneezing?

58
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,993
Uh, look, it's just
an old, creaky mirror.

59
00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,870
Sometimes it sounds
a little like it's

60
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sneezing or coughing
or talking softly.

61
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Now you each have a knob
in front of you.

62
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When you like what you see,
turn the knob to the right.

63
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When you don't like
what you see, turn it left.

64
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My knob tastes funny.

65
00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:42,222
Please refrain from
tasting the knob.

66
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:02,784
Hey, quit it!

67
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,789
They like Itchy.
They like Scratchy.

68
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:11,000
One kid seems to
love the Speedo man.

69
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What more do they want?

70
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Okay, how many of you kids
would like Itchy & Scratchy

71
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,632
to deal with
real-life problems

72
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,259
like the ones
you face every day?

73
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,552
- I would!
- Great idea! Yeah, that's it!

74
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,389
And who would like to see them
do just the opposite,

75
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,224
getting into
far-out situations

76
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:28,601
involving robots
and magic powers?

77
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:29,852
- Oh, cool!
- Me!

78
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,938
- Cool!
- Yeah, that's I want!

79
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,650
So, you want a realistic,
down-to-earth show...

80
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,151
that's completely
off the wall

81
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,028
and swarming
with magic robots.

82
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,655
- That's right.
- Yeah, good.

83
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:43,408
And also, you should
win things by watching.

84
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You kids don't know
what you want!

85
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That's why you're still kids...
'cause you're stupid!

86
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Just tell me what's wrong
with the freakin' show!

87
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Mommy!

88
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Um, excuse me, sir.

89
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The thing is, there's not
really anything wrong

90
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,304
with "The Itchy
and Scratchy Show."

91
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It's as good as ever.

92
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,056
But after so many years,

93
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the characters just can't have
the same impact they once had.

94
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That's it.

95
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,689
That's it,
little girl!

96
00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,065
You've saved
"Itchy & Scratchy"!

97
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,608
Please sign these papers

98
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,736
indicating you did not
save "Itchy & Scratchy."

99
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,946
I have figured out

100
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,531
how to rejuvenate the show.

101
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It is so simple

102
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,660
you egghead writers
would've never thought of it.

103
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What we need is...

104
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,331
a new character!

105
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One that today's kids
can relate to!

106
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,337
Are you absolutely sure
that's wise, sir?

107
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I don't want to sound
pretentious here, but...

108
00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:42,300
Itchy & Scratchy
comprise a dramaturgical dyad.

109
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Hey, this ain't art;
It's business!

110
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What do you got in mind?

111
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Sexy broad?
Gangster octopus?

112
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No... No.

113
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The animal chain
of command goes

114
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mouse, cat, dog.

115
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D-O-G.

116
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Uh, a dog?
Isn't that a tad predictable?

117
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In your dreams.

118
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We're talking
the original dog from hell.

119
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You mean Cerberus?

120
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,825
We at the network
want a dog with attitude.

121
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He's edgy.
He's in your face.

122
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,913
You've heard the expression
"Let's get busy"?

123
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:15,291
Well, this is a dog
who gets biz-zay...

124
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consistently and thoroughly.

125
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So, he's proactive, huh?

126
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Oh, God, yes.

127
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,715
We're talking about
a totally outrageous paradigm.

128
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Excuse me, but "proactive"
and "paradigm"...

129
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Aren't these just buzzwords

130
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,514
that dumb people use
to sound important?

131
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Not that I'm accusing you
of anything like that.

132
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I'm fired, aren't I?

133
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Oh, yes.

134
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The rest of you writers

135
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start thinking up a name
for this funky dog.

136
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I don't know, something along
the lines of, say... "Poochie"

137
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only more proactive.

138
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Yeah!

139
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,158
So, "Poochie" okay with everybody?

140
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- Yeah.
- Yeah. You know, it's good.

141
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No, no, no.

142
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He was supposed
to have attitude.

143
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Um, wh-what do
you mean, exactly?

144
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Oh, you know,
attitude, attitude!

145
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Uh... Sunglasses!

146
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,761
Can we put him in more
of a hip-hop context?

147
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,347
Forget context.
He's got to be a surfer.

148
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Give me a nice shmear
of surfer.

149
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:16,561
I feel we should
rasta-fy him by 10% or so.

150
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I think he needs
a little more attitude.

151
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,406
- Oh, yeah, bingo.
- Yeah!

152
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- There it is, right there. That's it.
- I love it.

153
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,412
Hey, Lis, look,

154
00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:36,706
they're adding a new character
to "Itchy & Scratchy"!

155
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,332
Poochie the Dog?

156
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,460
Adding a new character
is often a desperate attempt

157
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to boost low ratings.

158
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Yo, yo! How's it hanging,
everybody?

159
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Morning, Roy.

160
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Yeah, hi, Roy.

161
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Hey! They're having
open casting

162
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,470
for the voice of Poochie.

163
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You should try out, Dad.

164
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- You have a funny voice.
- I do not!

165
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Haven't you ever listened to
yourself on a tape recorder?

166
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,436
I prefer to listen
to Cheap Trick.

167
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:00,480
Well, here,
say something.

168
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,899
Hey... This is
Homer Simpson saying

169
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,861
howdy to all the girls
out there in radio-land.

170
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:11,157
Hey, this is
Homer Simpson saying...

171
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,534
Ah! I don't sound
like that, do I?

172
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:17,622
Oh... I don't like having
such a hilarious voice.

173
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,625
That hilarious voice could be
your ticket to stardom.

174
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:29,175
Whoa, a talking dog!

175
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:33,846
What were you guys smoking
when you came up with that?

176
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,057
We were eating
rotisserie chicken.

177
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,975
Can you just
read the line, please?

178
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,519
"Ruff, ruff!

179
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,480
I am Poochie,
the Rockin' Dog!"

180
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,940
You're perfect!

181
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,942
In fact,
you're better than perfect!

182
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,736
Next to you,
perfection is crap.

183
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:52,323
"Ruff, ruff! I'm Poochie,
the Rockin' Dog!"

184
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,408
Hi. I'm Troy McClure.

185
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,327
You may remember me
from such cartoons

186
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,787
as "Christmas Ape".

187
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,581
And "Christmas Ape
Goes to Summer Camp."

188
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,792
You're even better
than this guy!

189
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,335
Take a hike, you bum.

190
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,047
"Ruff, ruff!

191
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,091
I'm Poochie,
the Rockin' Dog!"

192
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:14,011
Now, that's just bad. You got no attitude,
you're barely outrageous

193
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,114
and I don't know what you're in,
but it's not my face.

194
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:17,515
Next.

195
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:21,519
Oh, no attitude, eh?
Not in your face, huh?

196
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,146
Well, you can cram it
with walnuts, ugly!

197
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,898
That's it,
that's the Poochie attitude!

198
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,525
Do that again.

199
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,027
Huh? I can't.
I don't remember what I did.

200
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,113
Then you don't get the job.
Next!

201
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,699
Oh, I don't
get the job, do I?

202
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,993
Well, boo-hoo...

203
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,204
I don't get to be
a cartoon dog.

204
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,540
That's it!
You've got the job!

205
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:45,918
Oh, now
I got the job, huh?

206
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,002
Oh. Thank you.

207
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,258
Okay, Homer,

208
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:53,968
let's get a level check
on your voice.

209
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:59,265
She smells sheet smells
by the sheet store.

210
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,683
Wait, wait.
Let me try it again.

211
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,643
Relax, Homer.
You'll do fine.

212
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,061
I'm June Bellamy.

213
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,855
I do the voices
of Itchy and Scratchy.

214
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:09,150
You?
But you're a lady.

215
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,651
She's a lady, all right.

216
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,279
A beautiful lady.

217
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,950
Hey, that really is you.

218
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,785
How'd you get
to be so good?

219
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,954
Oh, just experience,
I suppose.

220
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,497
I started out
as Roadrunner.

221
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,708
- Meep!
- You mean meep-meep?

222
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,793
No, they only paid me
to say it once

223
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,670
then they doubled it up
on the soundtrack.

224
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,047
Cheap bastards.

225
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,299
- You folks ready to begin?
- Uh, I guess.

226
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,217
Is this episode going
on the air live?

227
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,636
No, Homer.

228
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,596
Very few cartoons
are broadcast live.

229
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,556
It's a terrible strain
on the animator's wrist.

230
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,237
Hi, question
for Miss Bellamy.

231
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,031
In episode 2f09

232
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,450
when Itchy plays Scratchy's
skeleton like a xylophone

233
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,911
he strikes the same rib
twice in succession

234
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:05,081
yet he produces
two clearly different tones.

235
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,583
I mean, what are we to believe
that this is some sort of...

236
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,504
Magic xylophone
or something?

237
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,382
Boy, I really hope somebody
got fired for that blunder.

238
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:15,675
Uh, well, uh...

239
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,510
I'll field this one.

240
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,969
Let me ask you a question.

241
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,722
Why would a man whose shirt
says "Genius at work"

242
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,892
spend all of his time watching
a children's cartoon show?

243
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,854
I withdraw my question.

244
00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:32,483
Uh, excuse me,
Mr. Simpson.

245
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:35,653
On the "Itchy
& Scratchy" CD-ROM

246
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:38,489
is there a way to get
out of the dungeon

247
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,282
without using
the wizard key?

248
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,784
What the hell
are you talking about?

249
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,077
You're a lifesaver, Homer.

250
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,913
I can't deal with
these hardcore fans.

251
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,666
Your attention, please!

252
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:49,750
Uh, in episode...

253
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,294
Eh, your attention, please!

254
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,130
Mr. Simpson
will now be autographing

255
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,465
8-by-10 glossies of Poochie.

256
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,759
One per customer.

257
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:01,053
Please form a line.
There will be no cutting.

258
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,389
I'm talking to you,
Mr. Cutter.

259
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:04,765
Pardon me. Look out.

260
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,643
Pardon me. Excuse me.
Hot soup.

261
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,520
Hi. Kindly make
one out to me

262
00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:12,273
and three out to my friend
of the same name.

263
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,775
I'm so glad
you could join us

264
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,068
for Homer's big premiere.

265
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,987
Poochie's based on me.

266
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,281
Is this seat taken,
little girl?

267
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,575
I'm not a girl.
Are you blind?

268
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:23,826
Yes.

269
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,786
I am stoked, Mr. S.

270
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,663
Shh. Everybody,
it's coming on.

271
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,752
Once in a great while
we are privileged

272
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:36,881
to experience a television event
so extraordinary

273
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:39,216
it becomes part
of our shared heritage.

274
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,721
Man walks on the moon.

275
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:49,059
Man walks on the moon, again.

276
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,604
Then for a long time
nothing happened...

277
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,606
Until tonight.

278
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,524
Behold the future of comedy:

279
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,942
Poochie!

280
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,198
They fight and bite.

281
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:03,908
And bark.

282
00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,576
They fight and bite
and bite and bark.

283
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,012
Fight, bite, bark
woof, woof, woof.

284
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,038
The Itchy & Scratchy.

285
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,332
And Poochie show.

286
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,970
Look, Scratchy.

287
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,640
It's our new friend,
Poochie.

288
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,558
What's that name again?

289
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,185
I forgot.

290
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,311
The name's Poochie D.

291
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,230
And I rock the telly

292
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,023
I'm half Joe Camel
and a third Fonzarelli

293
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,526
I'm the kung fu hippie
from Gangsta City

294
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,735
I'm a rappin' surfer.

295
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,612
You the fool I pity.

296
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:45,074
Ooh, Poochie
is one outrageous dude.

297
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:47,034
He's totally in my face.

298
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,621
Wiggity-wiggity word up.
Rock on, party.

299
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:52,414
When are they
going to get

300
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,333
to the fireworks factory?

301
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,838
Could somebody tell me
what the hell is going on?

302
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,297
Midge,
help me out here.

303
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,466
Quiet.
You're missing the jokes.

304
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:10,724
Catch you on the flip side,
dudemeisters.

305
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,059
Not!

306
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,688
Hey, kids,
always recycle...

307
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,648
to the extreme!

308
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:18,774
Bust it!

309
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:24,989
Ah, that stunk.

310
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:27,825
Well, what did
everybody think?

311
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,667
Homer,
I can honestly say

312
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,878
that was the best episode
of "Impy and Chimpy"

313
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,296
I've ever seen.

314
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,773
Yeah, you should be
very proud, Homer.

315
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:45,259
You, uh... You got
a beautiful home here.

316
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:55,352
So, it was
pretty okay, huh?

317
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:56,872
Mom, can we go to bed
without dinner?

318
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,064
Yes, we can.

319
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,234
Well,
at least I liked it.

320
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,612
Didn't I?

321
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,864
Oh, you don't want
to know what I really think.

322
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:09,450
Now,
look sad and say "D'oh."

323
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,833
I'm the worst
Poochie ever.

324
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,293
No, it's not
your fault, Dad.

325
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,753
You did fine.

326
00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,588
It's just that
Poochie was a soulless

327
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,548
by-product
of committee thinking.

328
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:25,942
You can't be cool
just by spouting

329
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,676
a bunch of
worn-out buzzwords.

330
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,886
Don't have a cow, Lis.

331
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,137
Bart's right.

332
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,389
Let's none of us
have a cow.

333
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:33,766
All that matters

334
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,726
is that the fans
of the show liked it.

335
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:37,811
Last night's
"Itchy & Scratchy" was,

336
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:41,732
without a doubt,
the worst episode ever.

337
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:44,443
Rest assured that I was
on the Internet within minutes

338
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,612
registering my disgust
throughout the world.

339
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:49,865
Hey, I know it wasn't great,
but what right do you have to complain?

340
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,951
As a loyal viewer,
I feel they owe me.

341
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,119
What?

342
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,680
They're giving you thousands of hours
of entertainment for free.

343
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:56,984
What could they possibly
owe you?

344
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,291
I mean, if anything,
you owe them.

345
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,669
Worst episode ever.

346
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,504
It looks like
the beginning of the end

347
00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:05,798
for the venerable
"Itchy & Scratchy" program.

348
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:09,093
For years, TV critics such
as yours truly, Kent Brockman,

349
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,387
have waited impatiently
for cracks to appear

350
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,597
in the show's
hilarious facade.

351
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,975
Yesterday our prayers
were finally answered

352
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:20,980
when Poochie the Dog made
his howlingly unfunny debut.

353
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,565
Far be it for me
to gloat at another's downfall,

354
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:24,858
but I have a feeling

355
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,986
no children
are going to be crying

356
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,238
when this puppy
is put to sleep.

357
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:34,702
What the hell happened?

358
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,537
Well, I'd attribute
the product failure

359
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,872
to fundamental shifts
in our key demographic

360
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:41,208
coupled with the overall
crumminess of Poochie.

361
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,711
Whoa! You got to stop
this thing!

362
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:49,341
Please! I'm getting
egged on the street!

363
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,428
Do something!
Do something!

364
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,850
Uh, hi, Mr. Myers.

365
00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,393
I've been doing
some thinking

366
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,478
and I've got some ideas
to improve the show.

367
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,230
I got it right here.

368
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,692
Uh, one: Poochie needs
to be louder, angrier,

369
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:09,278
and have access
to a time machine.

370
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,989
Two: Whenever Poochie's
not on screen,

371
00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:14,575
all the other characters
should be asking,

372
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,076
"Where's Poochie?"

373
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,703
- Three...
- Great, great.

374
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:19,663
Just leave them
right there on the floor

375
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,498
on your way out.

376
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,459
Thanks, Homer, great.

377
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,516
Listen, guys we got to do
something about Poochie.

378
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,643
There's only one thing
we can do.

379
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,900
Then they said they were going
to kill Poochie off!

380
00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:50,319
Really?
Oh, how terrible.

381
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,071
Yes. Terrible.

382
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,989
It's not your fault, Homer.

383
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,991
It's those lousy writers.

384
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,202
They make me madder
than a, um...

385
00:17:58,285 --> 00:17:59,787
Yak in heat!

386
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,414
You're right, Marge.
It's not my fault.

387
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,708
I'm not gonna let them treat
Poochie like dirt anymore

388
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,627
just because
he's the new guy.

389
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,212
Right on, Mr. S.!

390
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,295
Put a sock in it, Roy.

391
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:14,134
Okay, so here's where
Itchy lunges at Poochie

392
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,719
with a rusty
chain saw.

393
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,596
Cue sound effects.

394
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:19,723
Rustier!

395
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,478
Are you prepared to die,
Poochie?

396
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:27,397
No, I am not.

397
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:30,109
Oh, cut, cut, cut, cut!

398
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,611
Just stick to the script
as written, Homer.

399
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:36,115
You're supposed to say,
"Please, cut off my head.

400
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,324
I don't deserve to live."

401
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:38,867
Never!

402
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,833
You can't just kill off
a classic TV character.

403
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:48,252
Poochie could be bigger
than curly fries

404
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,587
but first he has to
win back the audience.

405
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,840
That's why I'm going to read
these lines I wrote myself

406
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,133
with my own two hands.

407
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:55,676
Forget it, Homer!

408
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:58,262
We can do this show
without you if we have to.

409
00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,972
But not without me.

410
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,015
Aw, jeez.

411
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:05,144
Let him try
the new lines.

412
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,354
All right.
All right.

413
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:09,231
We'll try it.
Action.

414
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,816
Hi, Poochie!

415
00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:13,443
You look like you've
got something to say.

416
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,527
Do you?

417
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,197
Yes, I certainly do.

418
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,241
Hello there, Itchy.

419
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,993
I know there's
a lot of people

420
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:23,495
who don't like me
and wish I would go away,

421
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,456
but I think we got off
on the wrong foot.

422
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,333
I know I can come off
a little proactive

423
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,960
and for that, I'm sorry.

424
00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:33,005
But if everyone could find
a place in their hearts

425
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,549
for the little dog
nobody wanted

426
00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:38,177
I know we can
make them laugh

427
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:41,638
and cry... until we
grow old together.

428
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,682
And... cut.

429
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:58,655
Now kids, I know you loved
the old Poochie,

430
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,241
but the new one's
going to be better

431
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,868
than ten Super Bowls!

432
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,912
I don't want to oversell it.
Judge for yourself.

433
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,083
Well, look who's here!

434
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,668
Hi, Poochie!

435
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,004
You look like you've
got something to say.

436
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,130
Do you?

437
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,424
Yes,
I certainly do.

438
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,343
I have to go now.

439
00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:20,886
My planet needs me.

440
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,309
Wow! Poochie came
from another planet?

441
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,144
Uh, I guess.

442
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,313
Hey, that wasn't
supposed to happen!

443
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,523
Those finks
double-crossed me!

444
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,150
Poochie's dead!

445
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:42,449
Now kids, we all know that sometimes
when cartoon characters die,

446
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,326
they're back again
the very next week.

447
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,703
That's why I'm presenting
this sworn affidavit

448
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:51,416
the Poochie will never,
ever, ever return!

449
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,419
This document conforms to all
applicable laws and statutes.

450
00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:58,048
Oh, yeah.

451
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,051
Tough break, Dad.

452
00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:02,934
I guess people just
weren't ready for Poochie.

453
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,054
Maybe
in a few years.

454
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:06,265
Good news, everybody.

455
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:11,520
I'm moving into my own apartment
with two sexy ladies.

456
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:14,022
Oh, then I guess
this is good-bye, Roy.

457
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,024
Maybe we'll see you
in a few years.

458
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,112
Well, I guess
I learned my lesson.

459
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:21,530
The thing is,

460
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:24,157
I lost creative control
of the project.

461
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:27,119
And I forgot to ask
for any money.

462
00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,578
Well, live and learn.

463
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:44,052
It's back to the basics.
Classic "Itchy & Scratchy."

464
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,804
We should thank
our lucky stars

465
00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:47,931
they're still putting on
a program of this caliber

466
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,474
after so many years.

467
00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:53,102
What else is on?

468
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,574
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.