1 00:00:22,286 --> 00:00:23,301 Oh, hello. 2 00:00:23,302 --> 00:00:26,234 I'm documentary filmmaker Declan Desmond. 3 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:30,571 32 years ago I interviewed a group of Springfield schoolchildren. 4 00:00:34,919 --> 00:00:37,536 These children ran the gamut of society: 5 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,993 rich and poor, black and white, 6 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,769 "he'll grow into his looks" and "forever hideous." 7 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:47,722 My dad was a circus freak, but my mom don't remember which one. 8 00:00:47,723 --> 00:00:50,169 I like to think it was a little bit of all of them. 9 00:00:50,230 --> 00:00:53,111 Every eight years, I revisited those children, 10 00:00:53,116 --> 00:00:56,302 creating a cinematic chronicle of their lives. 11 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:59,152 Join me, won't you, to see dreams dissolve 12 00:00:59,157 --> 00:01:03,766 like a muffin in the rain in "Growing up Springfield". 13 00:01:14,811 --> 00:01:17,684 What does the future hold for these children? 14 00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:20,374 Will he grow up to work in a robot factory? 15 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,305 Will she be the receptionist for a robot businessman? 16 00:01:23,309 --> 00:01:26,825 And will he be a crusader for robo-sexual rights? 17 00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:30,348 I say, "yes," "no," and "yes." 18 00:01:30,434 --> 00:01:31,118 Whee! 19 00:01:35,892 --> 00:01:37,893 So, Lenny, what have we here? 20 00:01:37,899 --> 00:01:40,902 My daddy said I can have any birthday party I want. 21 00:01:40,906 --> 00:01:44,324 My cake will be a picture of a dinosaur and all the guests will say, 22 00:01:44,327 --> 00:01:46,419 "Why, Lenny, that's a fine cake!" 23 00:01:46,425 --> 00:01:48,077 Then, "Yes," I'll say. 24 00:01:49,406 --> 00:01:52,693 I decided not to waste any more film on him after that. 25 00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:55,853 I wish for world peace. 26 00:01:57,261 --> 00:01:59,145 I wish for world war. 27 00:01:59,260 --> 00:02:00,738 Oh, yeah, that would be cooler. 28 00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:06,368 I wish when I grow up, I'll be richer than everybody! 29 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,211 I will! I will be rich! 30 00:02:10,216 --> 00:02:12,697 I'll own a football team and a basketball team 31 00:02:12,703 --> 00:02:14,505 and I'll make them play baseball! 32 00:02:15,934 --> 00:02:19,647 But what became of these wide-eyed naives? 33 00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:23,525 Let's begin by following the life of little Clancy Wiggum. 34 00:02:24,665 --> 00:02:25,644 Bang-bang! Bang! 35 00:02:25,648 --> 00:02:27,287 Freeze, robber, freeze! 36 00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:28,301 Bang, bang, bang! 37 00:02:29,419 --> 00:02:31,604 It hurts! It hurts so bad! 38 00:02:31,608 --> 00:02:33,939 Please, just put one in my brain! 39 00:02:34,669 --> 00:02:35,265 Okay. 40 00:02:35,599 --> 00:02:38,003 - Uh, bang. - Thank you. 41 00:02:39,323 --> 00:02:42,078 As hall monitor, I am the law. 42 00:02:42,084 --> 00:02:43,059 No running in the hall. 43 00:02:43,066 --> 00:02:44,196 No running in the hall. 44 00:02:44,199 --> 00:02:45,691 Ah, no running in the hall. 45 00:02:45,695 --> 00:02:47,375 Hey, detention bird! 46 00:02:47,470 --> 00:02:49,120 Thanks for not running in the hall. 47 00:02:50,362 --> 00:02:51,327 Go, Wildcats. 48 00:02:56,260 --> 00:03:00,920 At 24, Clancy Wiggum was accepted into the police academy. 49 00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:03,925 Hmm... 50 00:03:06,443 --> 00:03:07,993 Wiggum! 51 00:03:07,998 --> 00:03:11,448 What did I tell you about pointsy-towardsies?! 52 00:03:11,452 --> 00:03:13,714 You seem a little cranky, Commandant. 53 00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:15,349 A back rub'll set you right. 54 00:03:15,353 --> 00:03:16,575 There we go. 55 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,480 Woouh Ooh... okay. 56 00:03:18,485 --> 00:03:20,606 Don't be afraid to dig in there good! 57 00:03:23,924 --> 00:03:25,128 Hey, what's the matter, buddy? 58 00:03:25,188 --> 00:03:26,026 Need a back rub? 59 00:03:26,963 --> 00:03:32,005 At 32, Officer Wiggum had found the fast track to becoming chief. 60 00:03:32,272 --> 00:03:34,776 Oh, yeah, oh, that's the stuff. 61 00:03:34,780 --> 00:03:36,923 Thanks for giving me an 8:30 appointment. 62 00:03:36,927 --> 00:03:38,157 You are a lifesaver. 63 00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:42,572 You know, if I was Chief, I could give you 8:30 every day. 64 00:03:42,575 --> 00:03:44,107 I don't have the authority to... 65 00:03:44,121 --> 00:03:45,642 Oh... oh... 66 00:03:45,646 --> 00:03:47,016 I'll make it happen. 67 00:03:47,712 --> 00:03:49,867 And here we are in now-times. 68 00:03:49,871 --> 00:03:53,416 As you can see, I've gotten everything I've ever wanted. 69 00:03:53,644 --> 00:03:55,022 Except pants that fit. 70 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,593 I told you that if I let you in this movie you couldn't make fun of me. 71 00:03:58,598 --> 00:04:00,933 I'm not making fun of you. I'm making fun of your pants. 72 00:04:00,937 --> 00:04:02,738 Well, how'd you like it if I made fun of your pants? 73 00:04:02,755 --> 00:04:03,371 Go ahead. 74 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,737 Well, they're a little, uh... 75 00:04:05,805 --> 00:04:06,983 They-they, uh... 76 00:04:07,408 --> 00:04:08,446 Oh, they're perfect. 77 00:04:08,653 --> 00:04:11,589 When I grow up, I'll have a giant mansion, 78 00:04:11,594 --> 00:04:14,496 my own pinball machine with infinity quarters, 79 00:04:14,501 --> 00:04:17,337 eight pairs of peanut butter and jelly pajamas... 80 00:04:17,342 --> 00:04:18,832 How many wishes do I have left? 81 00:04:18,836 --> 00:04:21,982 None. You never had any. I'm not a genie. 82 00:04:21,988 --> 00:04:22,494 D'oh! 83 00:04:22,499 --> 00:04:25,445 Homer, your dreams will take a lot of money. 84 00:04:25,590 --> 00:04:27,041 Don't look at me. Look at the camera. 85 00:04:27,045 --> 00:04:27,547 Got it. 86 00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:29,016 I said, look at the camera. 87 00:04:29,023 --> 00:04:29,870 No problem. 88 00:04:29,884 --> 00:04:31,483 Now you're looking at a mud puddle. 89 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,550 That's your hand. 90 00:04:32,554 --> 00:04:35,519 That's the production accountant. That's your other hand. 91 00:04:35,682 --> 00:04:37,587 Do you even know what a camera is? 92 00:04:37,591 --> 00:04:39,372 Well, of cour... No. 93 00:04:40,019 --> 00:04:43,857 I'm gonna put this squeaky toy on top of the camera. 94 00:04:44,976 --> 00:04:46,595 Squeaky! Squeaky! 95 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:47,741 Squeaky, squeaky! 96 00:04:47,743 --> 00:04:49,205 Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky! 97 00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:51,835 Unsurprisingly, by age 24, 98 00:04:51,848 --> 00:04:55,304 Homer's dreams of wealth had not come to fruition. 99 00:04:55,308 --> 00:04:56,800 Manure for sale! 100 00:04:57,024 --> 00:04:58,627 Get your manure! 101 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,661 Loamiest in town! 102 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:04,327 Hey, the manure dealership is just one of the things I got going. 103 00:05:04,331 --> 00:05:08,429 I also have a sweet gig as an infomercial question-asker. 104 00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:12,391 Um, I know Super Clean cleans, but does it scrub? 105 00:05:14,675 --> 00:05:17,219 My garage band is getting so tight. 106 00:05:19,770 --> 00:05:21,995 Yeah, yeah, yeah 107 00:05:25,270 --> 00:05:30,133 The album cover's gonna be a naked girl with stars for boobs. 108 00:05:30,195 --> 00:05:32,941 And I do open-casket caricatures. 109 00:05:32,947 --> 00:05:34,296 Did he have any hobbies? 110 00:05:34,302 --> 00:05:35,602 Get out of here! 111 00:05:35,604 --> 00:05:40,969 But Homer had found a peanut of hope in his Cracker Jack box of despair. 112 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,186 Homer is so amazing! 113 00:05:46,191 --> 00:05:50,410 He can chug a beer and pitch woo at the same time. 114 00:05:50,426 --> 00:05:54,766 The light from your eyes could guide a ship at sea. 115 00:05:55,139 --> 00:05:55,758 Eh? 116 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,498 Are you two considering children? 117 00:05:58,964 --> 00:06:00,405 Kids? No way! 118 00:06:00,417 --> 00:06:03,091 You'll never see a couple of rug rats tying me down! 119 00:06:03,918 --> 00:06:05,069 You better not put this shot 120 00:06:05,071 --> 00:06:06,924 after the one where I said I won't have kids. 121 00:06:06,925 --> 00:06:09,250 That would be a devastating edit. 122 00:06:09,251 --> 00:06:11,954 Homer, your life is nothing to be ashamed of. 123 00:06:11,957 --> 00:06:16,128 You've got a loving family and a steady job at a nuclear power plant. 124 00:06:16,133 --> 00:06:17,602 You're not English Breakfast, 125 00:06:17,608 --> 00:06:20,149 but you're not Lapsang Soochong either. 126 00:06:21,892 --> 00:06:22,529 Oh, yeah? 127 00:06:22,543 --> 00:06:24,613 Check with me in eight years, Dr. Who. 128 00:06:24,620 --> 00:06:27,747 I'll be kickin' your ass with a solid gold boot! 129 00:06:28,053 --> 00:06:33,084 Hmm... what's changed for me since the last time I saw you? 130 00:06:33,128 --> 00:06:35,550 Only... everything! 131 00:06:35,558 --> 00:06:37,436 I can't believe it! 132 00:06:37,453 --> 00:06:40,600 Homer Simpson... a bloody millionaire?! 133 00:06:40,603 --> 00:06:43,307 Why do you sound so shocked? This is our fifth take. 134 00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:48,354 Whee! 135 00:06:50,445 --> 00:06:51,767 Now that I'm super-wealthy, 136 00:06:51,772 --> 00:06:54,114 I can buy them whatever their hearts desire. 137 00:06:55,072 --> 00:06:57,344 That's why rich kids turn out so well. 138 00:07:00,097 --> 00:07:03,766 - Mine has a cup holder. - Bart, that's a blowhole. 139 00:07:03,772 --> 00:07:04,908 You're a blowhole! 140 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,134 No, boy. Up, up, up! 141 00:07:10,132 --> 00:07:12,576 Well, Marge, you must be proud of your "Homie." 142 00:07:12,582 --> 00:07:16,619 Oh, yes, I'm so proud, I feel my chest might burst. 143 00:07:16,974 --> 00:07:19,831 Can you edit that? I don't want to say "chest" in a movie. 144 00:07:19,833 --> 00:07:21,758 You said it and it stays. 145 00:07:21,761 --> 00:07:26,190 But I must know... How did Homer come so far in eight short years? 146 00:07:28,743 --> 00:07:31,108 This pays a lot better than you think. 147 00:07:31,515 --> 00:07:33,628 We pay him in limes. 148 00:07:33,991 --> 00:07:35,802 That's right, limes. 149 00:07:37,675 --> 00:07:40,079 You see, Declan, I made my millions 150 00:07:40,081 --> 00:07:44,113 with a simple invention: the Condiment Pen! 151 00:07:44,117 --> 00:07:45,628 Just click the buttons at the top, 152 00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:48,798 and you can choose from ketchup, mustard, mayo and relish. 153 00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:53,645 Do, do, do, do, do-do-do. 154 00:07:54,261 --> 00:07:57,498 I got the idea from the regular pen. 155 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,565 Can I use it on fish and chips? 156 00:07:59,570 --> 00:08:00,346 I don't know. 157 00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:02,924 You can put horseradish on your dead mother for all I care. 158 00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:06,979 The point is: I'm rich, rich, rich! 159 00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:07,043 I guess there's no way I can embarrass you any further. 160 00:08:07,044 --> 00:08:11,744 Just look! My dog has his own Jacuzzi! 161 00:08:15,071 --> 00:08:16,229 He loves it! 162 00:08:17,799 --> 00:08:19,290 You win, Homer. 163 00:08:19,294 --> 00:08:22,630 I guess there's no way I can embarrass you any further. 164 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,952 Barely Literate, smells Like Feet 165 00:08:25,958 --> 00:08:29,934 When I, um, grow up, I'm gonna be a rocket scientist! 166 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,852 To Mars! 167 00:08:31,855 --> 00:08:32,763 Zoom. 168 00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:34,570 Zoom. 169 00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:41,595 Ah, bullies approaching. Activate cloaking device. 170 00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:50,071 Professor Frink, you've become 171 00:08:50,079 --> 00:08:53,413 one of Springfield's most renowned scientific minds. 172 00:08:53,421 --> 00:08:55,912 You discovered and cured Frink's disease, 173 00:08:55,918 --> 00:08:58,091 created the element Frinkonium, 174 00:08:58,096 --> 00:09:00,638 and invented the eight-month-after pill. 175 00:09:00,645 --> 00:09:02,575 Yes, yes, all right. All of that means nothing, sir. 176 00:09:02,579 --> 00:09:06,489 I've spent my whole life in the lab and never talked to a girl. 177 00:09:06,493 --> 00:09:09,018 That's why I built this time machine. 178 00:09:09,023 --> 00:09:11,004 I give you the chrono-trike! 179 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,707 Now, I'll go back in time 180 00:09:12,715 --> 00:09:15,289 to tell myself to choose a different career, 181 00:09:15,292 --> 00:09:19,573 one where I'll meet a female woman of the girl-u-lar variety. 182 00:09:24,706 --> 00:09:26,667 Have to get the speed going here. 183 00:09:30,926 --> 00:09:32,256 Listen to me, little Frink. 184 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:33,979 I am here to warn you... 185 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,708 That was... 186 00:09:36,716 --> 00:09:38,818 Hey, I'm still going, but... 187 00:09:42,844 --> 00:09:44,806 Hey... cool! 188 00:09:44,812 --> 00:09:49,192 I want to be a lawyer and a doctor because a woman can do anything. 189 00:09:49,196 --> 00:09:54,240 At 24, Eleanor had graduated from Harvard Medical and Yale Law. 190 00:09:54,244 --> 00:09:56,437 Your Honor, I'd like to request a continuance 191 00:09:56,442 --> 00:09:57,950 so I can go deliver a baby. 192 00:09:57,956 --> 00:10:00,661 I love babies. I'll allow it. 193 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,001 I'm a little burnt-out. 194 00:10:04,005 --> 00:10:05,989 So, sometimes... don't shoot me... 195 00:10:05,994 --> 00:10:07,853 I have a glass of wine with Buster here. 196 00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:11,548 He's a real comfort. 197 00:10:11,553 --> 00:10:13,080 I might even get a second cat. 198 00:10:19,549 --> 00:10:22,144 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 199 00:10:22,148 --> 00:10:23,367 Nice kitty. 200 00:10:24,154 --> 00:10:26,316 I like taking pictures. 201 00:10:29,002 --> 00:10:30,328 Whee! 202 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,914 Take my picture. Take my picture. 203 00:10:38,139 --> 00:10:40,033 Aw, crap, my first kiss. 204 00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:42,130 You could do a lot worse, my friend. 205 00:10:43,029 --> 00:10:44,124 At age 16, 206 00:10:44,130 --> 00:10:47,556 Marge was the star photographer for her school newspaper. 207 00:10:47,574 --> 00:10:49,504 CHEERLEADER FLUNG INTO NEXT COUNTY 208 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,700 BOY BRINGS ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE 209 00:10:51,706 --> 00:10:53,166 TYPING CLASS TRAGEDY 210 00:10:53,182 --> 00:10:57,071 But her interests soon expanded beyond shutterbuggery. 211 00:10:57,076 --> 00:11:00,851 The biggest change for me over the last eight years? 212 00:11:00,857 --> 00:11:02,337 That's got to be Homer. 213 00:11:02,340 --> 00:11:03,441 Marge, baby! 214 00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:06,570 I got a picture of you tattooed on my chest. 215 00:11:08,373 --> 00:11:10,034 They had a sale on skulls. 216 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:12,852 At 24, 217 00:11:13,057 --> 00:11:18,039 Marge's photo-journalistic dreams were, shall we say, underdeveloped? 218 00:11:18,186 --> 00:11:20,881 I need one wallet-sized photo for my captain's license. 219 00:11:22,239 --> 00:11:23,236 Coming right up. 220 00:11:23,544 --> 00:11:25,597 Mind if I turn on a little music? 221 00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:29,206 It's so danceable. 222 00:11:29,414 --> 00:11:32,316 Nautical Stu loves disco music. 223 00:11:34,329 --> 00:11:37,475 And the world welcomed Disco Stu. 224 00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:43,556 I need a full-time job to support Homer 225 00:11:43,711 --> 00:11:46,143 so he has time to work on his rock music, 226 00:11:46,298 --> 00:11:50,158 his erotic etchings, his Play-Doh Theater... 227 00:11:54,197 --> 00:11:56,882 And yet look how things turned out. 228 00:11:57,026 --> 00:11:59,890 This overnight affluence must have come as a tremendous shock. 229 00:12:00,255 --> 00:12:01,877 Oh, yes, sir. 230 00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:05,380 As shocks go, this one's a real zaparoo. 231 00:12:05,536 --> 00:12:08,358 Listen, something's been piquing my curiosity. 232 00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:11,831 Why is your medicine cabinet full of old man ointments? 233 00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:14,811 Oh... mm-hmm. 234 00:12:15,117 --> 00:12:18,122 Well, yeah, the ointments, um... 235 00:12:19,661 --> 00:12:21,955 What are you people doing in my summer home? 236 00:12:23,747 --> 00:12:26,750 This is Eduardo, my pool boy. 237 00:12:26,905 --> 00:12:29,521 He thinks he's an angry, rich man. 238 00:12:29,677 --> 00:12:31,668 I am an angry, rich man. 239 00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:34,127 That's the pool chemicals talking. 240 00:12:36,096 --> 00:12:42,030 Homer J. Simpson, your fabulous millionaire lifestyle is all a lie. 241 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:46,034 Oh, Father, my pony Buttercup can jump ever so high... 242 00:12:46,039 --> 00:12:47,418 Hoo-boy, it's Mr. Burns. 243 00:12:47,627 --> 00:12:49,857 Please, Mr. Burns, pretend you work for me. 244 00:12:50,266 --> 00:12:51,953 You can have the boy. Just don't beat him. 245 00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:54,492 You can beat him. Just don't leave marks. 246 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,750 Shut up, you waste of skin and fat. 247 00:12:57,017 --> 00:12:58,739 You've desecrated my every possession. 248 00:13:07,892 --> 00:13:08,803 Oh, thank you, sir. 249 00:13:09,008 --> 00:13:12,653 For three days I've had nothing to read but clock-setting instructions... 250 00:13:12,761 --> 00:13:15,211 "Using the suspension spring above the pendulum leader, 251 00:13:15,369 --> 00:13:17,055 hang the pendulum on the pendulum guide..." 252 00:13:17,768 --> 00:13:19,778 Mr. Burns, we're so sorry. 253 00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:23,390 The plan was just to use your backyard, and the next thing we know, 254 00:13:23,396 --> 00:13:25,949 Mr. Smithers is tied up in a grandfather clock. 255 00:13:26,043 --> 00:13:27,086 Please get me out of here. 256 00:13:27,358 --> 00:13:29,111 It's 11:59:59. 257 00:13:44,769 --> 00:13:48,476 I've heard enough. Release the hounds. 258 00:13:48,631 --> 00:13:50,783 Uh, sir, your hounds are still at the winter house. 259 00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:53,843 Well, bring them over in the Durango. 260 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,901 Shadow and Winston have been fighting a lot. 261 00:13:57,621 --> 00:13:59,212 Put Winston in the front. 262 00:13:59,345 --> 00:14:00,589 Winston doesn't like the front. 263 00:14:00,730 --> 00:14:03,023 Just do it. Do it. Do it now! 264 00:14:06,037 --> 00:14:09,344 ...and that's how I got the vending machine contract for the Kremlin. 265 00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:16,810 Sorry, sir. Traffic was a nightmare. 266 00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:19,478 Then I got caught in some kind of garlic festival. 267 00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:20,982 Release the hounds. 268 00:14:23,336 --> 00:14:24,283 Stop it, Winston! 269 00:14:24,521 --> 00:14:27,675 In the wake of this deception, I had two questions for Homer... 270 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,746 "Why lie?" and "Lies... why?" 271 00:14:31,185 --> 00:14:32,804 But he seemed less than eager to meet. 272 00:14:33,211 --> 00:14:34,981 Homer, I brought a squeaky! 273 00:14:59,579 --> 00:15:00,699 Help! 274 00:15:01,124 --> 00:15:03,926 I realized that if this bunny was going to be boiled, 275 00:15:04,133 --> 00:15:05,895 I would have to turn up the heat. 276 00:15:06,491 --> 00:15:07,511 There you are! 277 00:15:07,675 --> 00:15:09,527 I'm ready for my segment. 278 00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,650 Lenny... 279 00:15:11,055 --> 00:15:13,411 always exciting to hear from you. 280 00:15:13,938 --> 00:15:16,338 Did you ever try that new shampoo? 281 00:15:16,837 --> 00:15:17,843 Nope, never did. 282 00:15:20,388 --> 00:15:21,989 Want to watch me pay my cable bill? 283 00:15:22,293 --> 00:15:24,046 I got checks with butterflies on them. 284 00:15:26,709 --> 00:15:28,549 - I am interesting. - No, you're not. 285 00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:31,471 What do you want? 286 00:15:31,675 --> 00:15:33,627 Marge, can you just let me in for a minute? 287 00:15:33,782 --> 00:15:37,259 We let you in 32 years ago and it's brought us nothing but pain. 288 00:15:37,445 --> 00:15:39,950 Well, if you want, I can cut you out of the film. 289 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,800 No, no, no, no, no! Let's not get crazy. 290 00:15:43,015 --> 00:15:46,419 Then I just want to know why your husband did what he did. 291 00:15:47,581 --> 00:15:49,009 I'll tell you why. 292 00:15:49,286 --> 00:15:51,318 It's been another eight years and what do I have? 293 00:15:51,623 --> 00:15:54,839 Same job, same house, same dirty joke book. 294 00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:04,764 I just thought for once I could be the cool guy in your movie. 295 00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:08,543 But all I am is the guy who makes everyone else look good. 296 00:16:08,951 --> 00:16:11,195 Strong words from a dumpy man. 297 00:16:11,498 --> 00:16:12,316 And cut. 298 00:16:12,565 --> 00:16:14,595 Wait just a cotton-swabbing minute! 299 00:16:14,801 --> 00:16:18,530 A good man went to a lot of trouble just to impress you. 300 00:16:18,684 --> 00:16:21,979 And I went along with it because I love him to pieces. 301 00:16:22,224 --> 00:16:24,198 And you made him look like a fool. 302 00:16:24,434 --> 00:16:26,767 Well, I don't want you anywhere near my house! 303 00:16:26,981 --> 00:16:28,574 Now you can cut! 304 00:16:30,231 --> 00:16:31,522 What's the matter, Declan? 305 00:16:31,676 --> 00:16:33,763 Did a cop give you a ticket for talking like a fruit? 306 00:16:34,045 --> 00:16:35,306 It's the oddest thing. 307 00:16:35,549 --> 00:16:39,218 I actually feel affection for these knuckle-dragging sub-monkeys. 308 00:16:39,535 --> 00:16:41,406 I feel sorry for Homer Simpson. 309 00:16:41,562 --> 00:16:43,360 What, have you been sipping cuckoo juice? 310 00:16:43,517 --> 00:16:46,403 Homer's got it made. He's married to one hell of a woman. 311 00:16:46,556 --> 00:16:49,872 All I've got is this porn channel I'm too cheap to descramble. 312 00:16:51,033 --> 00:16:53,124 - That's an ad for shoe inserts. - What the....? 313 00:16:53,299 --> 00:16:54,905 I've been writing creepy letters to that? 314 00:16:55,208 --> 00:16:56,845 But what you said about Homer, it's... 315 00:16:57,052 --> 00:16:58,815 it's given me a brilliant idea! 316 00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:01,772 An action movie where I play the Pope who kills the president? 317 00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:03,671 No, that's a terrible idea. 318 00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:06,072 Yeah, I know. It's stupid. I think it could work, though. 319 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,616 I've even got a title: Pontiff No Return. 320 00:17:08,823 --> 00:17:10,612 I came up with it, but I don't really get it. 321 00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:14,314 The next day, I invited Homer to my editing bay. 322 00:17:19,379 --> 00:17:22,894 - Oh, my God, the view! - This makes it all worth it! 323 00:17:23,102 --> 00:17:25,100 Yeah, it's not so much fun when you're blind. 324 00:17:25,257 --> 00:17:26,957 At least you made it up the mountain. 325 00:17:27,143 --> 00:17:28,353 No thanks to you two. 326 00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:32,737 All right, you lured me to your bay. 327 00:17:33,114 --> 00:17:35,066 Now what sick game are you playing? 328 00:17:35,269 --> 00:17:36,860 I have some footage to show you. 329 00:17:37,068 --> 00:17:39,941 O, spirit! Are you gonna show me my future? 330 00:17:40,148 --> 00:17:42,559 My snow-flecked grave, mourned by no man? 331 00:17:42,716 --> 00:17:44,468 Well, it's not too late for me to change! 332 00:17:44,923 --> 00:17:47,446 You there, boy! Buy me a Christmas goose! 333 00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:49,162 The biggest one in the shop! 334 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,719 And then what? 335 00:17:51,024 --> 00:17:52,984 Homer, come over here and take a look at this. 336 00:17:53,191 --> 00:17:56,988 I've gone over 100,000 hours of Springfield footage 337 00:17:57,174 --> 00:18:00,218 twice... and put together something you must see. 338 00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:06,041 If I could trade lives with anybody, I'd pick Homer. 339 00:18:06,193 --> 00:18:07,484 Have you been to Homer's house? 340 00:18:07,649 --> 00:18:11,016 It's got a back yard, a front yard... The place is like yard city! 341 00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:12,541 I love his laugh. 342 00:18:12,645 --> 00:18:15,270 He picked the perfect time to lock in his mortgage. 343 00:18:15,475 --> 00:18:18,680 He's the kindest, sweetest, most generous man 344 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,428 ever to drive through my living room. 345 00:18:20,835 --> 00:18:22,836 I'll pay for most of this! 346 00:18:23,453 --> 00:18:26,056 He may not be perfect, but he's my dad. 347 00:18:26,463 --> 00:18:28,546 Homer gave me a kidney. 348 00:18:28,749 --> 00:18:32,359 It wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came postage due, 349 00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:34,587 but still, a lovely gesture. 350 00:18:34,789 --> 00:18:39,030 I like when Daddy's out of work 'cause he can spend more time with me. 351 00:18:42,607 --> 00:18:46,093 At bedtime, he tucks me in tighter than anyone else could. 352 00:18:46,599 --> 00:18:47,321 And you know what? 353 00:18:47,784 --> 00:18:50,128 No monsters have gotten me yet. 354 00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:51,230 Wow... 355 00:18:51,385 --> 00:18:53,597 I have a pretty good life after all. 356 00:18:53,874 --> 00:18:56,348 Homer! Don't kill the foreign man! 357 00:18:56,614 --> 00:18:57,904 Relax, Marge. 358 00:18:58,893 --> 00:19:00,099 I wasn't gonna kill him. 359 00:19:03,236 --> 00:19:05,387 All those years I was dreaming of other things, 360 00:19:05,543 --> 00:19:07,646 I was actually doing what I really wanted: 361 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,260 hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, 362 00:19:11,412 --> 00:19:15,413 making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking. 363 00:19:15,919 --> 00:19:18,684 Marge, you're my real dream come true. 364 00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:21,394 And I get to live you every day. 365 00:19:21,599 --> 00:19:23,450 Oh, Homie! 366 00:19:23,604 --> 00:19:27,100 You make each eight-year interval better than the last!