??[Chorus Singing]
[Bell Ringing]
[ Whistle Blowing]
[ Beeping ]
?? [Jazzy Solo ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
D'oh! [ Screams ]
And then the handsome prince realized...
he had to go to the bathroom really bad.
But the evil ogre-- Barney--
had left the men's room in the most wicked condition.
So the prince went out back to the enchanted alley--
That's not a fairy tale. It's just something that happened toyou at Moe's.
Shh, shh, shh! Anyway, the prince passed out for 1 00 years...
until he was awakened by the kiss of a noble raccoon.
And thankyou, God, for the bad things adults do...
which distract attention from stuffI'm doing.
- Amen. - He's also thankful foryour bounty, Lord.
- Good save, Mom. Night. - Sweet dreams, honey.
Uh, Mom? Willyou help me with myproject?
I need to make a working model of the digestive system.
- Of course, honey. - Thanks. It's due tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Well, that's too bad, mister.
I'm not gonna bail you out this time.
You're right, Mom. I understand.
All right. I'll getyou the materials.
- Butyou're building it! - Okay.
Oh, I'll make thewhole thing!
[Apu] Okay.
Papier-mâché mix, pipe cleaners...
pig intestines and sparkle paint.
You're a lifesaver, Apu.
- All the other stores are closed. - [ Gasps ] At 1 1 :30?
But this is the peak hour for stoned teenagers buying shiny things.
Whoa!
It's a living mirror. Cool hat!
Well, I'm glad you're always here.
But isn't it a little rough on your marriage?
You know, Manjula understands.
I told her that endless toil is the only true path out ofthis jerkwater burg.
Well, when you have a free night, we'd love to haveyou two over for dinner.
Oh, please. Do not be insane.
You hosted ourwedding. The least we can do is have you over for dinner.
It is payback time, and this time it's personal.
[ Grunts ]
Wow! That looks great, Mom. Some ofyourbest work.
- [ Gurgling ] - Oh! It sounds so real.
I didn't turn it on yet.
[ Gurgling Continues ] Oh!
I'm never eatin' chili again. Ooh, chili!
Nelson, what areyou doing?
I'm solving world hunger.
Hey, you're wrecking it!
What the-- Look out! It's gonna blow!
[ All Screaming ]
- [ Explodes ] - [ All Groaning ]
- I hopeyou're happy, Nelson. - Very.
But I can't help wondering where I go from here.
Stop worrying, Apu. The Kwik-E-Mart is in good hands.
I am not checking up on you, Sanjay.
I am simply asking you how many pennies you have left.
[ Gasps ] Seven? I'll be right there.
No, he won't. Apu's entertaining tonight.
Ifyou need pennies, take them from Jerry's jar.
- Oh! - This is why I married you.
Woof!. What an outfit.
- You are one ma-hot mama. - You think so?
I could not let you in the store like that because you are smoking.
Oh! Apu.
- [ Both Moaning ] - [Doorbell Rings ]
Maybe we should not answer it, huh?
- [DoorOpens ] - Door's unlocked.
Oh! Marge, Homer. Welcome.
- Yes, welcome. - What a lovely home.
Oh, you are too kind, Marge.
I am sureyou have noticed the many small imperfections that fill me with shame.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Ifanything, your home makes me ashamed of my home.
- Well, let us just saywe both feel bad. - Deal.
Who is your favorite Indian pop singer?
Oh, don't make me choose.
Shankar, Shankar-- Oh, here we go.
- ?? [ Man Singing Rapidly] - Oh! Sorry.
?? [ Man Singing ]
Good rice, good curry, good Gandhi, let's hurry.
Mmm! This is delicious.
- What's in it? - Chickpeas, lentils and rice.
- And what's in this? - Chickpeas and lentils.
- Try it with rice. - I'm so glad wewere able to get together.
Well, you know how hard it is to pry these two away from work.
[ Snickers ] Oh, yeah. Homer's a real go-getter.
[ Laughs ] Yeah. I'm going right to the top.
- [ Both Laughing ] - [PagerBeeping]
Hmm. What's an "eltdown"?
Eh.
I don't understand, Marge.
- Doesn't Homerwork a standard 1 8-hour day? - Eighteen hours?
- Nobodyworks that hard. - [ Clears Throat ] Mm-mmm!
- Mm-mmm! - But he does work every day, right?
Well, pretty much, except weekends.
Week-ends?
Uh, say, who's up for a game of"keneshkanup"? [ Forced Chuckle ]
You told me it was an American tradition...
to work all the time and never seeyourwife!
Yes. Perhaps I stretched the truth a bit.
But the Kwik-E-Mart, she is a harsh mistress.
I thinkyou just don't want to see me!
Maybe we should just close the door.
[ Speaking Foreign Language ]
- [ Arguing Continues ] - Maybe we should leave.
Uh-uh. No way. I don't wanna miss a word.
- You don't know what they're saying. - I'm picking it up.
"Sala" seems to mean "jerk"...
and I think "Manjula" means some kind of spaceship.
Uh, this could take a while, folks. Thankyou. Come again.
I hopewe didn't get Apu in too much trouble.
Oh, they're newlyweds. They'll just talk things out and top it offwith some lovin'.
- Oh, dear. - Hmm!
- [Flipping Pages In Book] - [ Tires Screeching ]
- [ Horn Honking ] - Either put that book down, or let me drive!
Hey, they stole our idea. See? Look.
- [Marge ] Ooh! - [Tires Screeching]
"I cherish you, my precious." Mmm-- Nah.
"To a heck of a blacksmith." Nah. I already got him one.
"You're a-peeling. Let's never split!"
[ Laughing ]
That's funny, 'cause they're monkeys.
[ Laughing Continues ] So long, rejects.
[ Grunting ] Stupid cards.
[ Grunts ]
Morning, Apu. Still in hot waterwith the squaw?
Worse than ever, I am afraid.
My shameful neglect has made her feel unloved. Now I fear she will leave me.
Oh, she's not gonna leave you right before Valentine's Day.
That would be like going to an air show and leaving before the plane crash.
[ Gasps ] Oh, you are right.
There are still seven days before Valentine's.
Ah. Seven chances to prove my love for sweet Manjula.
[ Moaning ] Sweet mint julep.
I'll be at Moe's.
- [DoorSensorDings ] - Hmm.
[ Growling ]
Come on, boy. Come on!
Dad, the vet says we shouldn't make him fetch the Sunday paper.
- [ Whimpers ] - Good dog!
Good doggie!
"Tax Hike Approved"? Bad dog. Bad, bad dog.
[ Whimpering ]
Now to trim away the fat.
"Outlook?" Eh! "Vista?" No.
"Spotlight?" Eh! "Mosaic?" Eh!
I'd love to look at "SculleryWeek" ifyou're through with it.
Oh, sorry, Marge. That's in my stockpile.
You can have this.
- This is about investment opportunities in Yemen. - Give me that!
All right! The personals. Hmm. ?? [ Humming ]
"Successful mayortype seeks open-minded discreet cheerleader type."
- Oh, that's sweet. - Oh, here's one.
- "Desperately seeking suction"-- - Hey, look at this one!
[ Gasps ] It's a poem.
[ Gasps ] From Apu!
Well, don't just gasp. Read it.
"My darling bride Manjula...
"I herebymendmyways.
"I'llshoweryou with valentines...
for seven love-filled days!"
Oh, how romantic.
I used to take out ads like that when we were newlyweds.
The only ad you took out was to sell our lawn mower.
We sold it, didn't we?
- [ Grunts ] - [ Grunts ]
Until last night, I never knew Apu could be so romantic.
I can't believe it. He covered yourwhole bed with wildflowers?
Oh, I'm sure Homer has done that foryou.
Well, sometimes I find pickle slices in the sheets.
And he says I've got six more surprises coming.
I feel like the luckiest woman in Springfield.
- [ Screeching ] - [ Screams ]
- Oh! - ?? [ Singing ]
- ?? [ Continues ] - Oh!
He has trained a bird to sing to me.
Limo out front. Tickets to opera, front row loge.
Oh! Just once I'd like a parrot to say that to me.
Then the bird sang "I Love the Nightlife" with clever new lyrics.
Yeah. I hate that song.
I do too. But it was sweet.
Women really like that sort ofthing, Homie.
Don't worry, honey.
I got something really special planned forValentine's Day.
It's not that monkey card I found in the car, is it?
Wouldn't you like to know. [ Groans ]
A chocolate husband!
Oh, how darling.
[Apu] Help! I can't breathe!
- [ Gasping ] - Oh! Apu!
Oh, you are the sweetest filling of all.
Air. I need air.
- Oh, Apu. - Oh, Lord, my ears are filled with nougat!
- Oh, dear! Oh, no. - There's a nut in my eye.
"So then the second salesman says, 'That's okay.
I just ate all the hot buttered corn."'
[ Snickering ]
- You like that one, baby? - [ Groans ]
Sarah, what's wrong?
Usually, after two or three "Truly Tasteless Jokes," you're all over me.
Manjula got to see La Bohème.
Sarah, please! Sarah, it's $1 0 a pill.
And so with Valentine's Day one day away...
all eyes are on the local Romeo...
whose seven-day gift-a-thon has been delighting his wife...
and "entroubulating" the rest of us.
Reverend Timothy Lovejoy says he's counseled...
a number of disenchanted wives, including Maude Flanders.
[ Chuckling ] Everybody's marriage is falling apart except ours.
See, the problem's communication. Too much communication.
Homer, I've gone through seven years of receipts...
and you've spent less on gifts for me than you have on temporary tattoos.
But, Marge, it's worth it.
Look! The Taco Bell dog! Yo quiero-- Hey, where'd it go?
Here, boy! [ Whimpering ]
You just don't get it.
[DoorSlams Shut]
- This Valentine's crap has gone too far! - [ Shouts Of Affirmation ]
Edna won't even let me clap her erasers.
My Barbara will no longer pleasure me with the French arts!
The gal I'm stalkin' had me bumped back to 200 feet.
- Aw, Moe! - That's too far!
And askyourselves, people, who's to blame for all this?
Well, I guess we are.
I suppose I do take Maude for granted.
- Yeah, I've done some ofthat myself. - Will you stop it!
It's easy to blame ourselves...
but it's even easier to blame Apu!
- He's making us look bad! - [ Shouts OfAffirmation ]
- [Horse Whinnying] - What's going on out there?
Aw, geez. He's got everything but the Shriners.
[ Horns Beeping ]
Hey, watch it! You're all over the road!
- We gotta stop that traitor Apu. - [ Shouts Of Affirmation ]
- Right after happy hour! - [ Shouts Of Affirmation ]
- [ Barney] I call side seat! - [Moe ] Drinking will help us plan.
Come on, Apu. Make your move.
- Maybe he's run out of romantic ideas. - No, no, not our lover boy.
Ifl know his M.O., he's saved the biggest one for today.
Aw, gee. The man's just trying to show his wife he cares for her.
- How can we sabotage his labor of love? - I don't know.
Gasoline, axes. I got some stuff in the trunk.
- Hey, there he goes! - Let's roll!
- Uh, Homer, you're driving. - Notyet I'm not!
You'll know when I'm driving! And it'll-- [ Screams ]
Tiffany's, eh? It looks like Smoochie's...
gonna seal the deal with a diamond the size of a doll's head.
Aw, man. He's making us look like a bunch of cheapskates.
Whoa, whoa! My rope came loose.
[Wiggum ] There he is behind thatshopping bag.
A croissant? What the-- Oh, that's right.
- They have breakfast at Tiffany's now. - Only till 1 1 :00.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
So that's it. The crazy nut, he went and bought her a sloop!
Well, this is one love boat that won't delight and amuse.
Wait, Chief. He's not purchasing a boat.
Arr!
It's kind ofyou to deliver these copies of Jugs.
They'll keep my men from resorting to homosexuality...
for about 1 0 minutes.
[ All Laughing ]
- Lookwho's talkin'. - Arr.
Well, this is turning out to be a total waste oftime.
Not entirely.
Aw, geez. We've been following him for hours.
You know, with all the energy we're putting into this sabotage thing...
we could've written sonnets for ourwives...
or learned to tango or lovingly restored one ofthose antique--
Oh! [ Sighs ]
Whew! Well, at least I got a hunk of Moe's hair.
Man, that smarts!
Oh, baby! We got him now! There's no escape from the airport.
Oh, nuts! We lost him.
I told you we shouldn't have gone for long-term parking.
Hey, look! It's Elton John!
We had to make an emergency landing. It's that damn chandelier again.
- [ Electricity Crackling ] - [ Both Gasping ]
What's he doing in Springfield?
I got it. I got it! Apu must've hired him to sing for Manjula.
Not ifl can help it, and help it I might.
Mr.John, I'm your biggest fan.
I've tape-recorded all your songs offthe radio.
Oh, that's very sweet.
- Have a Grammy. - Uh--
Sir Elton, my noble friends and I...
would like to dubyou a Knight ofthe Grand Concourse.
Yeah, it's for all your charitywork and, um...
for, uh, you know, teaching us, um, to love again.
Really? I did that?
How the hell should I know? Just get in the cage.
What-- Oh. Hazing the new guy, eh?
You know, when I was dubbed Sir Elton, the queen paddled me silly.
Hey, Apu's talkin' to a skywriter!
So that was his plan allalong.
Ifhe writes a message oflove over Springfield, we're all screwed.
Hello? Lads, don't forget your old pal Elton.
Can anyone hear me? Skycap?
Okay, here is the message. And please don't skimp on the-- "Sarin"?
[ Chuckling ] Don't be frightened.
That tank's just peace corps surplus.
- Notso fast, Apu! - Homer.
What a delightful coincidence.
We're puttin' an end to your insane Valentine's rampage.
Never again will good, lazy men have to--What the--
Oh, no, you don't! [ Gasping ]
Hey, you with the scarf, stop skywriting!
I have to deliver a message. It's the skywriters' code.
I am so sick ofthat damn code!
- [ Gasps ] - Ifyou won't stop, then I'll stopyou!
- [ Grunting ] - What areyou doin'? Don't do that!
[Marge ] Aw!
Isn't that sweet?
[ Sighs ] That must be for Manjula.
Just once I'd like a love note in the sky. [ Chuckles ]
[ Grunting ] Lousy message!
Don't, you crazy fool! You'll kill us all!
Correction: Kill us both!
[ Grunting Continues ]
"I loveyou"-- It's an angel!
Oh, that's Neddie's pet name for me.
"I love you"-- Poppin' Fresh.
Oh, Clancy! [ Chuckles ]
"I love you"-- Edna K.
It's a little run together, but that's what it says!
"I loveyou"-- Cactus?
Blobbie? Upsilon?
Oh, who am I kidding? Homerwould never surprise me like that.
- [Plane Passing Overhead] - Doggone it! You ruined my message!
Ow! What's the matterwith you, you crazy old buzzard?
Get off me! You're making me mad!
Ooh-wee! My humble love note...
is turning into a Valentine's Day massacre.
You think you've got problems?
I just chewed myway out ofa dog carrier.
[ Gasps ] Elton John?
That's my name. Well, not really.
- I hate to sound like a screaming fan, but-- - [ Both Scream ]
That maniac nearly killed us!
Shall I takeyou to the pilot?
[ Chuckles ] You see, because that is your song.
- I heard you. - Yes, because someone saved your life tonight.
- [ Laughing ] - Cut it out!
Well, well, the bitch is back.
- [ Laughing ] - Oh!
[ Homer Screaming ]
[ Groaning ] Oh, geez!
Darn it! Whywon'tyou die?
[ Gasping ]
Prickers! [ Screaming ]
Huh? [ Gasps ]
[ Grunting ]
What?
What in theworld--
[ Sighing ] Roses.
So many roses.
Justwhen I think I haveyou figured out, you fall from the skywith roses.
- Roses. - Oh, Homie. Oh, they're beautiful.
Oh, I'm gonna snuggleyour brains out.
Well, I think I have a collapsed lung, but okay.
??[EltonJohn Singing]
Oh.
Oh, I can't believe it. You closed the Kwik-E-Mart just for me.
Well, you and the health inspector. [ Chuckles ]
- Champagne Squishy? - Oh, thankyou.
It should getyou pretty darned hammered.
- [ Murmuring ] - Shh!