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Welcome to the 6:00 news,
in our brand-new studio.
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Looking good, Springfield.
3
00:00:43,466 --> 00:00:47,001
In today's news, a 2-10" rhino
escaped from the Springfield Zoo.
4
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,003
But zoo officials were quick to act...
5
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...and Petunia, as she is known,
is safely hack in captivity.
6
00:00:54,641 --> 00:00:56,266
In other news, a 3-tun rhino...
7
00:00:56,434 --> 00:00:59,186
Willa! escaped from the zoo last week
is still at large.
8
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:03,182
All right, who broke my vase?
9
00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:06,025
Who took my tests off the refrigerator
and tore them up?
10
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:09,442
Who spread garbage all over
Flanders' yard before I got a chance to?
11
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:12,102
Oh, please.
This is senseless destruction...
12
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,404
...with none of my usual
social commentary.
13
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If it wasn't you, then who was it?
14
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I'm sure these things didn't destroy
themselves, now, did they?
15
00:01:23,956 --> 00:01:25,617
Did they?
16
00:01:30,378 --> 00:01:33,166
I guess Bart's not to blame.
He's lucky too...
17
00:01:33,339 --> 00:01:37,419
...because it's spanking season, and
I got a hankering for some spankering.
18
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I don't know why you're
so energetic today...
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...but prepare to be worn out.
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What's wrong, boy? Getting tired?
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00:02:06,073 --> 00:02:09,240
I think there's really something wrong
with Santa's Little Helper.
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00:02:09,409 --> 00:02:12,742
He was up barking all night and dug up
the back yard worse than ever.
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-My bongo drums!
-My strobe light!
24
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My Best 0! Ray Stevens,
featuring "The Streak," album.
25
00:02:20,251 --> 00:02:22,955
So it was the dog
that buried all our stuff.
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Yes, the dog.
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Oh, my God! He's got
the precious cable-TV cable!
28
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Always use fresh macaroni.
29
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If the box rattles, throw it away.
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00:02:43,603 --> 00:02:46,272
Your cable TV
is experiencing difficulties.
31
00:02:46,439 --> 00:02:47,934
Please do not panic.
32
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Resist the temptation to read
or talk to loved ones.
33
00:02:51,401 --> 00:02:53,192
Do not attempt sexual relations...
34
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...as years of TV radiation have left
your genitals withered and useless.
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Well, I'll be damned.
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Excuse me. We're having
a problem with our dog.
37
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I'll tell you what I'm telling
everyone else.
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I'm sorry if your dog went blind, but your
gripe is with Hartz Mountain, not me.
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00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:17,630
No. No, our dog is out of control.
40
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He's wild, destructive and has little
or no respect for authority.
41
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Let me try a canine-human mind meld.
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It's an incredibly rare psychic power
possessed only by me...
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...and three other clerks at this store.
44
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Okay.
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00:03:38,397 --> 00:03:41,480
I'm bored. I'm restless.
46
00:03:41,649 --> 00:03:43,524
Need change in life...
47
00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:47,694
...like imported leather leash...
48
00:03:47,863 --> 00:03:50,104
...blue contact lenses...
49
00:03:50,281 --> 00:03:52,772
...200-volt-shock training collar.
50
00:03:53,492 --> 00:03:56,659
Well, problem solved.
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00:03:57,787 --> 00:04:01,038
-Homer, hold on to the wheel!
-You got it.
52
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:04,994
Hey!
53
00:04:06,628 --> 00:04:10,079
Don't worry. We'll catch him
or run him over trying.
54
00:04:10,297 --> 00:04:13,416
He's headed to the greyhound
racing track where we found him.
55
00:04:13,591 --> 00:04:16,260
Don't worry, when they find out
he doesn't have money...
56
00:04:16,427 --> 00:04:19,215
...they'll throw him out.
Believe me, I know.
57
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This place is so big.
58
00:04:27,978 --> 00:04:30,812
Do you think we should split up
and look for him, Homie?
59
00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:34,017
-Homie?
-Two bucks to win on number eight.
60
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:38,734
And have you seen my beloved dog?
Give me the ticket.
61
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:43,902
We can't lose.
Look at the name of the dog I bet on.
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"She's the Fastest. "
63
00:04:46,034 --> 00:04:48,026
I don't think that means, necessarily--
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00:04:48,202 --> 00:04:51,571
And they're off. She's the Fastest
jumps out to an insurmountable lead.
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00:04:51,747 --> 00:04:53,870
You're lucky you got looks, Marge.
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00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,116
Around the far tum,
it's She's the Fastest.
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Followed by Always Comes in Second
and I'm Number Three.
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00:04:59,169 --> 00:05:00,877
Yes! Come on, you little horse!
69
00:05:01,505 --> 00:05:05,550
And they're in the home stretch. It's-
Wait! Another dog is on the track.
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-Santa's Little Helper!
-The mystery dug...
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00:05:07,885 --> 00:05:11,336
...gaining fast on the outside.
Of course, he could never win this race.
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00:05:11,513 --> 00:05:13,387
Or could he?
73
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What's Santa's Little Helper
doing to that dog?
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Looks like he's trying to jump over her,
but he can't quite make it.
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00:05:27,942 --> 00:05:29,568
Come on, buy! You can do it!
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00:05:29,736 --> 00:05:31,610
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end.
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This is the end of dog racing.
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00:05:35,865 --> 00:05:38,404
I think they're in love.
79
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,910
So that's what's been wrong
with the little fella.
80
00:05:48,083 --> 00:05:50,752
He misses casual sex.
81
00:05:50,919 --> 00:05:53,125
-Can we keep Santa's girlfriend, Mom?
-Please?
82
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-But she's not our dog.
-She's yours now.
83
00:05:56,632 --> 00:05:59,550
Once they fall in love,
they lose their racing spirit.
84
00:05:59,718 --> 00:06:03,004
Won't you miss her loyalty
and companionship?
85
00:06:06,598 --> 00:06:09,468
Lady, you're all right.
86
00:06:12,645 --> 00:06:14,601
Okay, you can go out and play.
87
00:06:14,771 --> 00:06:17,974
But no more you-know-what
in front of the house, all right?
88
00:06:18,524 --> 00:06:20,897
Hey! What did I just say?
89
00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:55,927
Take it. It fell on the floor.
90
00:07:12,401 --> 00:07:14,061
Hey, hey, you wanna play fetch?
91
00:07:16,738 --> 00:07:18,979
Me and Santa's Little Helper
used to be a team.
92
00:07:19,156 --> 00:07:22,074
But he never wants to play anymore
since his bitch moved in.
93
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:26,073
-Don't ever say that word again.
-Well, that's what she is. I looked it up.
94
00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:29,697
Well, I'm going to write the dictionary
people and have that checked.
95
00:07:29,873 --> 00:07:31,865
Feels like a mistake to me.
96
00:07:32,458 --> 00:07:36,871
Hey, look. A really small dog
just fell out of Santa's girlfriend.
97
00:07:37,045 --> 00:07:39,454
Oh, my God! She's having babies!
98
00:07:39,631 --> 00:07:42,881
Oh, I'm sorry, girl.
I thought you were just getting fat.
99
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:46,336
-Look, it's twins!
-No, it's two sets of twins.
100
00:07:46,511 --> 00:07:48,587
-Two sets of twins and a triplet.
-Homer.
101
00:07:48,763 --> 00:07:52,014
Homer, find a place
for all these little miracles.
102
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:09,477
Oh, my. I've never seen
anything like this.
103
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,150
How many more can there be?
104
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Twenty-two.
105
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,573
Twenty-three.
106
00:08:15,743 --> 00:08:17,451
Twenty-four.
107
00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:26,619
Twenty-five.
108
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Twenty-five puppies.
109
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:46,717
An army of dogs!
110
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:49,976
No bully will ever touch me again.
111
00:08:51,813 --> 00:08:53,308
Hey, jerkface.
112
00:08:53,481 --> 00:08:56,269
You have the face of a jerk.
113
00:08:56,692 --> 00:08:59,396
-All right, Simpson, you asked for--
-Get him, boys.
114
00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:07,906
Say, Jimbo...
115
00:09:08,076 --> 00:09:11,742
...hope I wasn't out of line
with that "jerkface" crack.
116
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,259
Oh, Homie, aren't they adorable?
117
00:09:34,431 --> 00:09:37,005
Yes. We waited many years...
118
00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:41,808
...but the good Lord has finally
blessed us with a real family.
119
00:09:53,362 --> 00:09:56,565
Look at Branford II. Isn't that cute?
120
00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:58,732
He thinks he's one of the Models Inc.
121
00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:04,694
Get that cat out of the way!
122
00:10:11,085 --> 00:10:12,543
My socks.
123
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:23,383
Mom, why do I have to wear
a flea collar?
124
00:10:23,553 --> 00:10:25,178
Oh, it's just easier this way.
125
00:10:40,942 --> 00:10:42,899
This time...
126
00:10:47,155 --> 00:10:48,863
This house stinks.
127
00:10:49,032 --> 00:10:51,784
Are you just putting new newspapers
over the old ones?
128
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:54,572
Do you have a better idea?
129
00:10:55,037 --> 00:10:58,323
Now, I know we love the puppies
very much...
130
00:10:58,498 --> 00:11:00,822
...but I think they're getting
to be a problem.
131
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,333
Yeah, they ate all my sucks.
I have to wear Lisa's to school today.
132
00:11:04,502 --> 00:11:07,919
-How do you explain the culottes, boy?
-I have to coordinate, don't I?
133
00:11:08,089 --> 00:11:10,461
We've been thinking about
giving the puppies away.
134
00:11:10,632 --> 00:11:12,957
-No!
-Mainly your mother.
135
00:11:13,134 --> 00:11:14,842
Is that what we do in this family?
136
00:11:15,011 --> 00:11:18,379
When someone becomes an
inconvenience, we just get rid of them?
137
00:11:22,475 --> 00:11:26,472
Hello? Is anybody there?
138
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,852
All right, we'll give the dogs
one more chance.
139
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:37,355
As long as the puppies don't do
anything else wrong, they stay.
140
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,362
On a completely unrelated topic...
141
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:42,365
...I'm having a very, very important
dinner party tonight.
142
00:11:42,533 --> 00:11:44,573
Splendid. Who's coming?
143
00:11:44,743 --> 00:11:47,317
Reverend Lovejoy,
your old Army drill sergeant...
144
00:11:47,495 --> 00:11:50,283
...and the regional director of the IRS.
145
00:11:52,666 --> 00:11:54,742
Oh, just lovely, Marge.
146
00:11:54,918 --> 00:11:57,622
The whole town will hear
what a perfect evening this was.
147
00:11:57,795 --> 00:12:00,120
-How nothing at all went wrong.
Simpson.
148
00:12:00,297 --> 00:12:03,085
This evening has gone so flawlessly,
I'm gonna forget...
149
00:12:03,258 --> 00:12:05,796
...that you were mistakenly
let out of the Army early.
150
00:12:05,968 --> 00:12:08,258
I'm so impressed
by this problem-free evening...
151
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:12,723
-...that there's no need for that audit.
-A toast to the Simpsons.
152
00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:14,551
And to the delectable turkey...
153
00:12:14,725 --> 00:12:17,429
...that's walking around the table!
154
00:12:17,602 --> 00:12:19,643
Dear Lord, it's a demon bird.
155
00:12:27,152 --> 00:12:31,149
Simpson! See you at reveille,
0500 tomorrow.
156
00:12:31,322 --> 00:12:33,314
See you at the IRS.
157
00:12:33,490 --> 00:12:35,281
See you in hell.
158
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:36,482
From heaven.
159
00:12:42,539 --> 00:12:46,323
Well, we sure could use a pouch
to guard the flock at the Flanderosa.
160
00:12:46,501 --> 00:12:50,083
It'd be nice to have some companionship
when Mother goes out on dates.
161
00:12:50,254 --> 00:12:52,543
We could use a new pet
over at the home...
162
00:12:52,714 --> 00:12:56,878
...seeing how we accidentally
killed that smart-mouthed bird.
163
00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:03,506
They don't like being broken up.
164
00:13:03,681 --> 00:13:05,721
We've got to be realistic, kids.
165
00:13:05,891 --> 00:13:09,675
Who's gonna have a big enough heart
to take care of 25 puppies?
166
00:13:10,603 --> 00:13:14,814
And I know the little fellas would love
romping around my many acres...
167
00:13:14,982 --> 00:13:16,477
...chasing my many cars...
168
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:19,318
-...drinking from my many toilets.
-Who wouldn't?
169
00:13:19,694 --> 00:13:23,691
Mom, don't give the puppies to him.
He'll be mean to them.
170
00:13:23,864 --> 00:13:27,944
She's right, Homer. There's
something about his face I don't trust.
171
00:13:32,829 --> 00:13:34,786
I'm sorry, Mr. Burns...
172
00:13:34,956 --> 00:13:39,534
...but you can't have these dogs.
Am I fired?
173
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:41,794
Ch, of course not.
174
00:13:41,961 --> 00:13:44,203
They're your pets.
You can do as you wish.
175
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:45,875
Good day, everyone.
176
00:13:47,799 --> 00:13:52,343
-My, he certainly took that well.
-A little too well, if you ask me.
177
00:13:52,511 --> 00:13:56,462
I'm sure he's plotting some
brilliant scheme to get these puppies.
178
00:13:57,641 --> 00:14:01,507
There you go. There you go. You too.
179
00:14:01,685 --> 00:14:06,062
Honestly, sir, you don't put the effort
into your schemes that you used to.
180
00:14:17,865 --> 00:14:20,071
Don't worry, folks.
we'll find your wallet.
181
00:14:20,242 --> 00:14:24,369
Dogs. Chief, you're getting
powdered sugar all over my floor.
182
00:14:24,537 --> 00:14:26,862
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
183
00:14:27,748 --> 00:14:30,037
I'm dusting for prints.
184
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:31,745
We don't have to wait for cops.
185
00:14:31,918 --> 00:14:34,326
Who can track them better
than their mom and dad?
186
00:14:34,503 --> 00:14:36,294
Let's go find your babies.
187
00:14:38,548 --> 00:14:41,217
Dinner's on, dogs.
188
00:14:43,094 --> 00:14:47,257
I'm sorry, kids. I don't think we're
ever gonna find your greyhounds.
189
00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:51,724
Maybe Mr. Burns will sell you
one of the 25 he got last night.
190
00:15:06,028 --> 00:15:09,813
Who knows what horrible things he's
doing to those innocent little puppies.
191
00:15:19,956 --> 00:15:24,749
There. Now, wasn't that heavenly?
And don't you feel better too?
192
00:15:25,627 --> 00:15:27,372
He's giving them a bath.
193
00:15:27,712 --> 00:15:29,207
There you are.
194
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:32,464
There you go, little fella. And you.
195
00:15:36,511 --> 00:15:38,717
Smithers, look. He's standing up.
196
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:43,429
I've never seen anything so adorable.
You know who it reminds me of?
197
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:44,976
Ben"?
-No.
198
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:46,638
-Lassie?
-No, no.
199
00:15:46,811 --> 00:15:49,515
-A person. You know who I mean.
-Snoop Doggy Dogg?
200
00:15:49,688 --> 00:15:52,558
-Bob Barker? David Brenner?
-No, no.
201
00:15:52,732 --> 00:15:55,816
The person who's always
standing and walking.
202
00:15:55,985 --> 00:15:58,737
-Rory Calhoun?
-That's it!
203
00:15:59,279 --> 00:16:03,110
You stay with me.
You're the pick of the litter.
204
00:16:06,535 --> 00:16:09,821
Maybe we were wrong about Burns
on this one.
205
00:16:12,081 --> 00:16:14,454
Are you sure you wanna
go through with this, sir?
206
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:17,080
You do have a very full wardrobe
as it is.
207
00:16:17,252 --> 00:16:22,162
Yes. But not completely full.
For, you see:
208
00:16:22,339 --> 00:16:25,209
Some men burn for sport
209
00:16:25,383 --> 00:16:27,673
Others burn for food
210
00:16:27,844 --> 00:16:32,469
The only thing I'm hunting In!
211
00:16:33,181 --> 00:16:39,053
Is an outfit that looks good
212
00:16:42,397 --> 00:16:46,561
See my vest
See my vest
213
00:16:46,734 --> 00:16:48,608
Made from real gorilla chest
214
00:16:48,777 --> 00:16:52,692
Feel this sweater, there's nu better
Than authentic Irish setter
215
00:16:52,864 --> 00:16:54,489
See this hat
'Twas my cat
216
00:16:54,698 --> 00:16:56,857
My evening wear, vampire bat
217
00:16:57,034 --> 00:17:00,735
These white slippers
Are albino African endangered rhino
218
00:17:00,912 --> 00:17:04,778
Grizzly-bear underwear
Turtles' necks, I've got my share
219
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:08,658
Beret of poodle
On my noodle it shall rest
220
00:17:08,835 --> 00:17:12,832
Try my red-robin suit
it comes one breast or two
221
00:17:13,005 --> 00:17:14,749
See my vest
See my vest
222
00:17:14,923 --> 00:17:16,999
See my vest
223
00:17:20,094 --> 00:17:25,171
Like my loafers?
Former gophers
224
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:27,589
It was that or skin my chauffeurs
225
00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:31,099
But a greyhound-fur tuxedo
Would be best
226
00:17:31,269 --> 00:17:34,721
-So let's prepare these dogs
-Kill two for matching clogs
227
00:17:34,897 --> 00:17:37,981
See my vest
See my vest
228
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:45,029
Oh, please, won't you see my vest?
229
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:48,198
-I really like the vest.
-I gathered, yeah.
230
00:17:48,783 --> 00:17:52,235
He's gonna make a tuxedo
out of our puppies.
231
00:17:53,746 --> 00:17:56,616
-Bart.
-Sorry. You gotta admit, it's catchy.
232
00:17:56,790 --> 00:18:00,288
Come on, Smithers. Let's go
finish the little flea circuses off.
233
00:18:00,459 --> 00:18:03,994
Except for little Monty, of course.
234
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:07,917
We gotta get the dogs out of there.
235
00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:14,762
-Hush, puppies.
-We gotta get you out of here.
236
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,809
I know. The window.
237
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:27,182
-No. What are you doing?
-Dogs always land on their feet.
238
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,930
-That's cats.
-No, it's dogs. I'll prove it.
239
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,271
Best two out of three.
240
00:18:37,030 --> 00:18:39,900
Bart, look. A laundry chute.
241
00:18:40,074 --> 00:18:42,316
Okay, guys. Let's move.
242
00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:51,745
Come on, come on.
243
00:18:52,042 --> 00:18:54,248
I've got an idea.
244
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:08,054
Sorry, Monty.
but you're too big for this ride.
245
00:19:14,435 --> 00:19:16,558
-Quick, let's get the--
-Going somewhere?
246
00:19:16,728 --> 00:19:19,730
That's impossible.
How did you get here first?
247
00:19:19,898 --> 00:19:22,518
Oh, there'll be plenty of time
for explanations later.
248
00:19:22,691 --> 00:19:24,233
Right now, I'll be taking
my puppies back.
249
00:19:26,403 --> 00:19:28,028
But they're ours.
You stole them from us.
250
00:19:28,196 --> 00:19:31,363
Here's a phone.
Call somebody who cares.
251
00:19:32,116 --> 00:19:34,820
Give me that.
Now, if you'll excuse us, children...
252
00:19:35,243 --> 00:19:37,864
...the pups have a date
with a fashion knife.
253
00:19:39,455 --> 00:19:43,037
There. Now you don't know
which one's little Monty.
254
00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:47,751
If you don't want him to be part of your
tuxedo, you'll let the other dogs go too.
255
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,787
Nice try.
Come on, little Monty. Stand up.
256
00:19:52,966 --> 00:19:55,290
Come on, stand up. Do your trick.
257
00:19:55,468 --> 00:19:57,175
No. Don't. Stay down, Monty.
258
00:19:57,344 --> 00:20:01,092
-Stay down. Stay down, boy.
-No. Don't get up. Good boy.
259
00:20:01,514 --> 00:20:02,842
Excellent.
260
00:20:09,771 --> 00:20:14,266
Now it's simply a matter
of bending down...
261
00:20:14,441 --> 00:20:17,145
...and picking up the one and only--
262
00:20:19,528 --> 00:20:22,233
This can't be happening.
They're all standing.
263
00:20:22,406 --> 00:20:24,861
I can't tell them apart.
264
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,984
All right, you win.
265
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,615
-I'll have to kill them all.
-No!
266
00:20:32,872 --> 00:20:35,328
But they're so wretchedly adorable.
267
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,786
Twenty-five little Rory Calhouns.
268
00:20:38,961 --> 00:20:40,456
I can't do it.
269
00:20:40,629 --> 00:20:42,373
But I can kill you.
270
00:20:44,131 --> 00:20:47,001
No, I can't kill you either.
271
00:20:47,176 --> 00:20:51,172
Look at you, standing there
on your hind legs...
272
00:20:51,346 --> 00:20:53,884
...like a couple of Rory Calhouns.
273
00:20:56,016 --> 00:21:00,345
Mr. Burns, I hope you've realized the folly
of killing innocent animals for fashion.
274
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:05,643
I have, I have. I swear, I'll never wear
any clothing made from an animal...
275
00:21:05,815 --> 00:21:08,021
...that can do an amusing trick.
276
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:11,604
Another victory for Montgomery Burns"
champion greyhounds.
277
00:21:11,778 --> 00:21:13,938
Twenty-five dogs,
25 world champions...
278
00:21:14,114 --> 00:21:16,948
...which so far have earned
their owner over $10 million.
279
00:21:17,116 --> 00:21:20,319
I'" be! whoever gave him those dogs
is kicking themselves now.
280
00:21:23,371 --> 00:21:25,826
Homer! For the love of God, no!
281
00:21:28,125 --> 00:21:31,375
Marge, you know that batting
this light bulb is the only thing...
282
00:21:31,544 --> 00:21:35,708
...that cheers me up after giving away
those million-dollar greyhounds.