1 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,509 (birds singing) 2 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,415 ‐Mm. ‐(exhales) 3 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,887 Yes, another glorious Sunday. 4 00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,889 Oh. Scone for my muffin? 5 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:23,056 Nyum, nyum, nyum, nyum, nyum. 6 00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:26,159 And for you, five breakfast burritos. 7 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,429 Ah, the Voltron. 8 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,532 Our lives are in perfect balance. 9 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,033 (knocking) 10 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:35,936 Oh, it is just last‐second birthday gift shoppers. 11 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,771 Ignore them. 12 00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:41,241 I know you're in there, you lazy dork. 13 00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,243 I can smell the burritos! (sniffing) 14 00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,245 Four. No! Five! 15 00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,247 They can't be closed. We're booked solid 16 00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,816 with birthday parties today, and we have no presents. 17 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,885 Don't worry, I got this. 18 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,921 Auto Trader for the girls. 19 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,923 Adult Escort Express for the boys. 20 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,457 Kids are adults, right? 21 00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:00,060 Fine, fine, whatever. Let's just go. 22 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,032 Let us wander as aimlessly as the plots 23 00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:07,668 of the four upcoming Avatar sequels... 24 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,336 I can only assume. 25 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,439 I love your contempt for things that don't matter. 26 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,107 (moaning) 27 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,745 ♪ ♪ 28 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,381 (gasps) 29 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,250 Do you hear that? 30 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:26,186 Ah, silence. 31 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,756 (children laughing, shouting) 32 00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:30,924 (Homer panting) 33 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,793 HOMER: Come on, let's go. 34 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:35,362 Time to go to Milhouse's puppy party. 35 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,031 If we go late, you'll get a crappy dog. 36 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,033 That's it, I'm coming in. 37 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:44,571 Ow! No! Ow! No! That's where I had my surgery! 38 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,807 (upbeat jazz playing) 39 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,345 ‐(toddlers bawling) ‐(others shouting) 40 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:57,584 Mm! Miyazaki marathon with chilled lobster spring rolls. 41 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,186 Mm, mm. 42 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:07,894 Oh, crap! 43 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,064 I just realized I haven't eaten anything all day. 44 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,433 They're out of pizza, but I built you a slice 45 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:14,935 out of trash scraps. 46 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:17,838 Well, hide me behind your coat while I eat it. 47 00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:19,906 (chomping, grunting) 48 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,909 I need to be around grown‐ups. 49 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,711 BOY: Excuse me. 50 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,780 You just passed my street. 51 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,449 Who the hell are you? 52 00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:31,418 Leland Huebner III. 53 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,420 Go back and get Bart. 54 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,622 Hold on, this one seems all right. 55 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:38,258 A little stuck up, but all right. 56 00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,962 Thanks so much for the last‐minute dinner invitation. 57 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,064 There never was any dinner. You fell for a scam. 58 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,433 You're babysitting. No money. 59 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,069 MARGE (gasps): Adults! 60 00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:51,772 ‐Pull over! ‐(tires screech) 61 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:58,311 Wow, Moe, you really gussy up the place for trivia night. 62 00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,247 Hey, where are the regulars? 63 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,082 Ah, keg storage. 64 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:04,951 ‐Hey! We're thirsty! ‐(grunts) 65 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,921 BARNEY: Thank you. 66 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,524 I've always wanted to do a trivia. 67 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,793 Who knows what I might know? 68 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,899 Please, join our team. 69 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:20,901 (quietly): But they're noobs. 70 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:24,771 Even the humble noob has a place in the seasons of trivia. 71 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:28,575 Ooh. Once again I am in awe of your decency. 72 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,010 All right, all right, weirdos. 73 00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,012 I want to welcome you dorks to trivia night. 74 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,614 Now, shut your nerd faces for the first question. 75 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:37,250 "List the four players with the most fighting penalties 76 00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,386 in NHL history." 77 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:40,687 Oh, sports. 78 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,923 The very lowest genus of trivium. 79 00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:44,791 Let's see. Tie Domi, Dave "Tiger" Williams, 80 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,460 Dave "The Hammer" Schultz, and, of course, 81 00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:48,929 Stu "The Grim Reaper" Grimson. Duh. 82 00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:53,900 All right, next category: 20th Century Vacuum Cleaners. 83 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,969 Just give me the pencil. 84 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,371 "The mascot for this Boston‐based..." 85 00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,841 Cuppy, the Dunkin' Donuts coffee cup. 86 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,909 "This English prog rock supergroup 87 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:06,513 scored a hit with 1970's "Lucky Man." 88 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,514 Emerson! 89 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,515 Lake! 90 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,516 And! 91 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,517 Palmer! 92 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,585 (whooping, laughing) 93 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:12,819 Okay, okay. 94 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,921 And the winning team is... 95 00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,023 "Han Shot First." What does that mean? 96 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,726 ‐Is that dirty? ‐It's from Star Wars. 97 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,728 I never heard of it. I‐Is it dirty? 98 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,730 Who cares, who cares. Here's your trophy. 99 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,132 (cheering) 100 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,035 To fat guys with hot wives. 101 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,438 This one's for you, Kevin James. 102 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,077 Take a poncho. 103 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:40,614 I always carry extras in case Homer eats anything slurpable. 104 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,582 That's so clever. 105 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:46,086 What other big‐and‐tall "wife hacks" do you have? 106 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:50,090 Oh, I've got all kinds of tricks for fat‐proofing your house. 107 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,459 Come over sometime and I'll show you. 108 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,128 My chashu! 109 00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,364 (chomping, sighing) 110 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,034 See? Here I've welded high‐tensile steel 111 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:04,571 under the cushions to reduce sofa‐sag. 112 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:08,508 I've lost a lot of furniture to chubby hubby couch droop. 113 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:11,044 (Maggie fussing over monitor) 114 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,046 Oh, Maggie's up. 115 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,582 Can you go sit with her while I warm a bottle? 116 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,418 Oh, but I don't know much about babies. 117 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,520 Except how to dress like one. 118 00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:23,190 (fussing continues) 119 00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:24,891 All is well. 120 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,092 Silence. 121 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,828 You are loved! 122 00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,930 (bawling) 123 00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,803 (laughing) 124 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:46,813 (singing Japanese lullaby) 125 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,887 Look how much she likes you. 126 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,789 You're a natural. 127 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,693 I just remembered something I must tell my husband. 128 00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,962 Impregnate me at once! 129 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,699 But you never wanted children. 130 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:08,068 You always said our marriage is perfect as it is. 131 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:12,706 I mean, can you imagine a child playing in this room? 132 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,875 Uh, it's full of toys. 133 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,010 Yes, well, but yeah, but it's selfish 134 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:20,213 to bring a new life into a world with diminishing resources. 135 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,749 The planet is running out of watchable IP! 136 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,252 They say by 2028 all we will have left 137 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,654 is the General Mills Cinematic Universe 138 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,823 starring Hamburger Helper. 139 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,825 If I can't convince you, 140 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,594 maybe she can. 141 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:37,264 (gasps) Greta, the sexy Gremlin 142 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:40,233 from the underappreciated‐ but‐still‐terrible Gremlins 2. 143 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,568 (gasps weakly) 144 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:44,237 I know this is your ultimate fantasy. 145 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:47,274 It's time to feed your desires 146 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,775 after midnight. 147 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:52,245 ♪ ♪ 148 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:53,880 I must resist. 149 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,349 My will is stronger than The Great Resisto, 150 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,452 a hero I am inventing as I reference him. 151 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:02,856 Uh, my darling, my darling, I am sorry. 152 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:06,159 But I have spent every working hour of my life around children, 153 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:08,161 and one thing I know for certain: 154 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,497 I don't want any. 155 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,633 ‐(camera clicks) ‐And... banked. 156 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,537 I want a baby. 157 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,540 I don't want a baby! (sobbing) 158 00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,515 Kumiko's baby fever is out of control. 159 00:07:29,217 --> 00:07:30,719 Look at all these comments she left. 160 00:07:30,786 --> 00:07:32,955 It goes really quick from smiley face 161 00:07:33,021 --> 00:07:36,024 to "Without a baby, all is horror." 162 00:07:36,091 --> 00:07:39,027 ‐(groans) ‐Well, I think Comic Book Guy 163 00:07:39,672 --> 00:07:41,107 should have kids. 164 00:07:41,174 --> 00:07:43,309 Oh, that's so sweet. 165 00:07:43,376 --> 00:07:45,311 'Cause screw that jerk! 166 00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:48,981 Thinks his childless life is so great just because it is. 167 00:07:49,048 --> 00:07:50,616 Wakes up whenever he wants. 168 00:07:50,683 --> 00:07:53,419 Doesn't have to lug car seats onto the plane. 169 00:07:53,486 --> 00:07:56,122 He can store poison in the fridge so it's nice and cold. 170 00:07:56,189 --> 00:07:58,758 And don't get me started on their sex life. 171 00:07:58,824 --> 00:08:00,760 They can do it anywhere: 172 00:08:00,826 --> 00:08:04,063 kitchen floor, bathroom floor, on the microwave. 173 00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:07,867 Set that baby on "popcorn." Pop! Pop! Pop! 174 00:08:07,934 --> 00:08:10,369 So... we'll help them? 175 00:08:10,436 --> 00:08:13,739 Anything to destroy their paradise. 176 00:08:19,779 --> 00:08:21,714 Remember, it's up to you two 177 00:08:21,781 --> 00:08:24,450 to make children seem like a blessing. 178 00:08:24,517 --> 00:08:27,720 Got it. And when she pops out that kid, we each get a 20. 179 00:08:27,787 --> 00:08:30,856 ‐Or equivalent gift card. ‐BART: Whoa! That's the stuff. 180 00:08:30,923 --> 00:08:34,760 Oh, look, it's our trivia buddies! 181 00:08:34,827 --> 00:08:37,730 You see movies at the same cemetery we do? 182 00:08:37,797 --> 00:08:40,366 What a pleasant surprise. (giggles) 183 00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:41,734 Speaking of children, 184 00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:45,171 these two were completely planned and wanted. 185 00:08:47,873 --> 00:08:49,742 Shrug, he shrugged. 186 00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:52,044 Uh, why don't we get some more snacks? 187 00:08:53,779 --> 00:08:55,781 Hello, little azuki bean. 188 00:08:55,848 --> 00:08:58,117 (Maggie giggles) 189 00:08:58,184 --> 00:08:59,752 Yo, Kingpin! 190 00:08:59,819 --> 00:09:01,287 How's the ponytail hanging? 191 00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:03,889 Don't patronize me, Bart and She‐Bart. 192 00:09:03,956 --> 00:09:06,325 I need silence to watch the iconic '80s 193 00:09:06,392 --> 00:09:09,028 time travel epic, Forward to the Past. 194 00:09:09,095 --> 00:09:11,063 Never heard of it. Is it any good? 195 00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:14,100 Okay, it's a consensus top ten family action comedy 196 00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:16,102 that has been delighting bedwetting piglets 197 00:09:16,168 --> 00:09:17,870 like yourself for eons! 198 00:09:17,937 --> 00:09:21,073 Feh! Wah! Hooof! And again, feh! 199 00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,075 ‐Oh. ‐Huh. 200 00:09:23,142 --> 00:09:26,579 It's so sweet you're helping the Book Guys become a family. 201 00:09:26,646 --> 00:09:28,748 I mean, without kids, come on, 202 00:09:28,814 --> 00:09:30,383 they're just dating with rings on. 203 00:09:30,449 --> 00:09:31,717 (Homer chuckles) 204 00:09:31,784 --> 00:09:35,388 Oh, Marge, I love your takes. 205 00:09:35,454 --> 00:09:37,023 Ooh, model crypt. 206 00:09:37,089 --> 00:09:40,426 Fancy! Want to see how the other half dies? 207 00:09:40,493 --> 00:09:42,428 (gasps) Oh! 208 00:09:42,495 --> 00:09:44,630 We can return to our time 209 00:09:44,697 --> 00:09:46,766 if we can just get this paddle steamer 210 00:09:46,832 --> 00:09:48,768 up to 99 miles an hour. 211 00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:51,370 Is that relative to the shore or the water? 212 00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:54,140 Great Steve, Mickey! I don't know! 213 00:09:54,206 --> 00:09:57,643 Golfer Aoki, four letters. 214 00:09:57,710 --> 00:09:58,744 (gasps) "Isao." 215 00:09:58,811 --> 00:10:00,379 Hello? Hello?! 216 00:10:00,446 --> 00:10:02,581 The show is up there, not on your lap. 217 00:10:02,648 --> 00:10:04,050 Look, I got to be honest. I only like movies 218 00:10:04,116 --> 00:10:05,751 where Deadpool talks to the camera, 219 00:10:05,818 --> 00:10:07,553 so I'm watching Deadpool. 220 00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:09,822 Okay, eyes up, TikToks! 221 00:10:09,889 --> 00:10:12,792 Tonight, you watch a screen that is unswipeable! 222 00:10:16,629 --> 00:10:17,797 (both groan) 223 00:10:19,298 --> 00:10:22,301 Premium sound system. Sweet. 224 00:10:22,368 --> 00:10:24,670 (smooth jazz plays) 225 00:10:24,737 --> 00:10:26,138 Honey, just think. 226 00:10:26,205 --> 00:10:27,640 Someday, you and I will be 227 00:10:27,707 --> 00:10:30,343 snuggling next to each other for eternity. 228 00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:33,679 Oh, Homie, I never thought about it that way. 229 00:10:33,746 --> 00:10:35,581 (Marge moaning) 230 00:10:35,648 --> 00:10:36,982 (Homer moans) 231 00:10:37,049 --> 00:10:40,319 'Till death do each other. 232 00:10:40,386 --> 00:10:42,521 (both moaning) 233 00:10:42,588 --> 00:10:46,192 Rivers? Where we're going, we don't need rivers. 234 00:10:46,258 --> 00:10:49,261 (dramatic music plays) 235 00:10:55,668 --> 00:10:57,103 Yes, all right, you little trolls. 236 00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:59,772 If you must, tear the classic down 237 00:10:59,839 --> 00:11:02,708 with your snarky little remarks. Go. 238 00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:05,945 An emotionally satisfying ending. 239 00:11:06,011 --> 00:11:08,881 Are you sure this is an American movie? 240 00:11:08,948 --> 00:11:10,616 I can't believe it. 241 00:11:10,683 --> 00:11:12,785 I... cared what happened. 242 00:11:14,387 --> 00:11:16,889 Oh. What is that thrill I'm feeling? 243 00:11:16,956 --> 00:11:20,960 You are experiencing this movie again for the first time, 244 00:11:21,026 --> 00:11:23,396 but through the eyes of children. 245 00:11:23,462 --> 00:11:25,664 ♪ ♪ 246 00:11:31,137 --> 00:11:34,273 Oh, Homie, that was so dangerous. 247 00:11:34,340 --> 00:11:36,609 I feel like Mrs. Dracula. 248 00:11:36,675 --> 00:11:38,511 I definitely had a... 249 00:11:38,577 --> 00:11:40,813 (Dracula voice): good evening. 250 00:11:41,847 --> 00:11:43,582 Hey, it's locked. 251 00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:45,418 (gasps) Oh, no! 252 00:11:45,484 --> 00:11:48,087 We're trapped in a crypt full of... 253 00:11:48,154 --> 00:11:49,789 smooth jazz. 254 00:11:49,855 --> 00:11:51,857 (smooth jazz plays) 255 00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:58,631 Little known trivia: 256 00:11:58,697 --> 00:12:01,600 the time travel vehicle was originally a tanning booth. 257 00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:04,470 ‐Whoa! ‐That's crazy! 258 00:12:04,537 --> 00:12:06,972 The little ones love your useless knowledge. 259 00:12:07,039 --> 00:12:10,476 Yes, my factoid will be passed on for generations, 260 00:12:10,543 --> 00:12:13,546 and in that way, I will never truly die. 261 00:12:13,612 --> 00:12:16,549 (sighs) You know, maybe I was wrong 262 00:12:16,615 --> 00:12:20,286 to dismiss the idea of children so... so quickly. 263 00:12:20,352 --> 00:12:21,987 (gasps) Do you mean it? 264 00:12:22,054 --> 00:12:24,089 Hurry. Let's return these loaner kids 265 00:12:24,156 --> 00:12:27,460 and go home to make a mixed‐race nerd. 266 00:12:27,526 --> 00:12:31,297 Hey, shouldn't Mom and Dad be showing up about now? 267 00:12:32,731 --> 00:12:36,235 Mom? Dad? Where are you?! 268 00:12:36,302 --> 00:12:38,604 We are in a cemetery, 269 00:12:38,671 --> 00:12:40,773 so maybe they were attacked by zombies. 270 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,476 Stop it! Stop saying that! 271 00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:45,077 (sing‐songy): Our parents are undead. 272 00:12:45,144 --> 00:12:47,446 Dad will eat your head. 273 00:12:47,513 --> 00:12:48,781 (Lisa cries) 274 00:12:48,848 --> 00:12:50,282 (sinister cackling) 275 00:12:50,349 --> 00:12:51,517 (doors rattling) 276 00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:53,519 (grunting) 277 00:12:53,586 --> 00:12:55,754 HOMER (zombie‐like): Let us out! 278 00:12:55,821 --> 00:12:58,591 Great Steve! They are zombies! 279 00:12:58,657 --> 00:13:01,093 (both yell) 280 00:13:02,528 --> 00:13:05,364 (both sobbing) 281 00:13:05,431 --> 00:13:07,600 They demand... emotional support. 282 00:13:07,666 --> 00:13:09,101 You can do it. 283 00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:10,603 Give them comfort. 284 00:13:10,669 --> 00:13:12,238 (both crying) 285 00:13:12,304 --> 00:13:15,107 Must... act like... loving father. 286 00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:17,843 I flee. 287 00:13:21,313 --> 00:13:23,649 But you caved! 288 00:13:25,885 --> 00:13:29,622 BOTH: Mom! Dad! You're okay! 289 00:13:29,688 --> 00:13:30,923 Hey, where'd the dork go? 290 00:13:30,990 --> 00:13:32,958 Your children's emotional needs 291 00:13:33,025 --> 00:13:34,460 have pushed him away. 292 00:13:34,527 --> 00:13:37,563 If I know him, and I don't, 293 00:13:37,630 --> 00:13:39,298 I'm sure he'll be back. 294 00:13:39,365 --> 00:13:43,702 No. He has run to a place where there is no hope. 295 00:13:49,842 --> 00:13:52,478 I have returned. Forever. 296 00:13:52,545 --> 00:13:55,814 Your room is unchanged... as are your sheets. 297 00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,557 So... your husband ran away to his childhood home, 298 00:14:05,331 --> 00:14:07,000 leaving you alone. 299 00:14:07,066 --> 00:14:09,102 Maybe forever. Also, childless. 300 00:14:09,168 --> 00:14:10,403 (groans) 301 00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:12,572 I'm sure you're experiencing 302 00:14:12,639 --> 00:14:14,774 a lot of feelings right now. 303 00:14:14,841 --> 00:14:16,809 It's okay to let them out. 304 00:14:16,876 --> 00:14:19,078 (inhales and exhales loudly) 305 00:14:19,145 --> 00:14:22,181 I hate you, you shameless womb tease! 306 00:14:22,248 --> 00:14:24,117 You're like a baby drug dealer! 307 00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:27,320 You give me a taste, and now I'm hooked! 308 00:14:27,387 --> 00:14:29,122 This is on you, too! 309 00:14:29,188 --> 00:14:31,958 You've crushed my only chance at happiness, 310 00:14:32,025 --> 00:14:34,594 you ape‐faced cheeseburger goblin! 311 00:14:34,661 --> 00:14:37,130 (muffled whimper) 312 00:14:37,196 --> 00:14:38,631 Make this right. 313 00:14:38,698 --> 00:14:40,700 Bring back my husband! 314 00:14:47,373 --> 00:14:50,343 Whoa. So this is where Comic Book Guy grew up. 315 00:14:50,410 --> 00:14:53,880 We'll finally see what kind of "its" created a "that." 316 00:14:53,946 --> 00:14:55,214 (doorbell rings) 317 00:14:55,281 --> 00:14:57,150 ‐(door squeaks open) ‐(both yelp) 318 00:14:57,216 --> 00:15:01,387 Ah, you must be delivering my 1912 Polish coronation stamp. 319 00:15:01,454 --> 00:15:03,089 Actually, we're looking for someone 320 00:15:03,156 --> 00:15:05,124 we call "Comic Book Guy." 321 00:15:05,191 --> 00:15:08,928 Enter. My son is in here... somewhere. 322 00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:12,131 Oh, well, thank you, Mr., uh... 323 00:15:12,198 --> 00:15:15,335 You may refer to me as "Postage Stamp Fellow." 324 00:15:19,172 --> 00:15:21,407 What is this crazy place? 325 00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:28,314 BOB BALABAN: This crazy place 326 00:15:28,381 --> 00:15:30,016 is Comic Book Guy's childhood home. 327 00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:32,085 An only child, he grew up surrounded 328 00:15:32,151 --> 00:15:36,022 by an eccentric extended family of childless aunts and uncles. 329 00:15:36,089 --> 00:15:39,325 However, his family poured their love into their collections, 330 00:15:39,392 --> 00:15:42,762 instead of into the lonely little boy wandering the halls. 331 00:15:42,829 --> 00:15:46,532 His aunt collected taxidermized chestnut‐tailed starlings, 332 00:15:46,599 --> 00:15:49,769 causing her to form a tacit alliance with her twin brother, 333 00:15:49,836 --> 00:15:52,038 who collected brutalist birdhouses. 334 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:55,975 His great step‐uncle, 335 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,378 who had once had his heart broken by a meter maid, 336 00:15:58,444 --> 00:16:01,981 was a gatherer of discredited obstetric equipment, 337 00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,616 while his younger dowager aunt 338 00:16:03,683 --> 00:16:06,119 collected antique Chinese cricket boxes 339 00:16:06,185 --> 00:16:07,820 and filled them with live crickets, 340 00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:09,989 who frequently escaped. 341 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:11,724 ‐(cricket chirping) ‐The only thing of value 342 00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:14,994 the family did not display in the home was love. 343 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,630 And the love he sought most was that of his father, 344 00:16:17,697 --> 00:16:20,633 who spent his days as an avid philatelist. 345 00:16:23,302 --> 00:16:26,172 (sighs sadly) 346 00:16:36,649 --> 00:16:40,453 Mint. Mint. Near mint. Very fine. 347 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,089 Hi, um, there. 348 00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:46,626 Maybe you might feel better if you came home with us? 349 00:16:46,692 --> 00:16:48,261 I am home. From now on, 350 00:16:48,327 --> 00:16:50,930 my only companion is my comic book collection. 351 00:16:50,997 --> 00:16:52,965 Mint. Mint. Near mint. 352 00:16:53,032 --> 00:16:55,034 ‐Gem mint. Mint. Mint... ‐(Marge sighs) 353 00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,870 ‐Look at the sad little boy. ‐Mint. Mint. Mint. Mint. 354 00:16:57,937 --> 00:17:00,506 ‐Is that you? ‐Mint. Mint. 355 00:17:00,573 --> 00:17:03,109 Worst... day... ever! 356 00:17:03,176 --> 00:17:06,879 There's got to be more to this story. 357 00:17:06,946 --> 00:17:08,614 BOB BALABAN: There was more to this story. 358 00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:13,786 Without anyone to play with, the lonely boy turned to baseball. 359 00:17:13,853 --> 00:17:15,888 His favorite pitcher was Sandy Koufax, 360 00:17:15,955 --> 00:17:18,991 and he perfected a curveball of rare devastation. 361 00:17:19,058 --> 00:17:22,595 However, his team would never give him a chance. 362 00:17:22,662 --> 00:17:24,597 But on the day before the big game, 363 00:17:24,664 --> 00:17:27,600 all the starting pitchers were injured in a multi‐canoe pile‐up 364 00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:31,404 caused by the sighting of an unusually large lake sturgeon. 365 00:17:33,539 --> 00:17:35,741 He got the call to pitch. 366 00:17:35,808 --> 00:17:37,910 His dearest hope was that his father would finally see 367 00:17:37,977 --> 00:17:40,179 his masterful curveball in action. 368 00:17:40,246 --> 00:17:42,982 But during the biggest moment of his young life, 369 00:17:43,049 --> 00:17:46,185 his dad was nowhere to be seen. 370 00:18:10,276 --> 00:18:11,978 He escaped his sadness 371 00:18:12,044 --> 00:18:15,481 into a world of heroes, villains and Jugheads. 372 00:18:18,651 --> 00:18:22,388 In that moment, he became more than a boy but less than a man. 373 00:18:23,723 --> 00:18:26,192 He became Comic Book Guy. 374 00:18:27,827 --> 00:18:29,962 Marge then confronted Postage Stamp Fellow 375 00:18:30,029 --> 00:18:32,932 about this life‐changing incident with his son. 376 00:18:32,999 --> 00:18:35,034 What? Oh. Okay. 377 00:18:37,904 --> 00:18:41,073 Why weren't you there for your son when he needed you? 378 00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:43,776 This is not a family to rummage through the past. 379 00:18:43,843 --> 00:18:45,678 Emotionally. 380 00:18:45,745 --> 00:18:48,748 You tell me why you didn't go to your son's baseball game, 381 00:18:48,814 --> 00:18:50,149 or I'll lick it. 382 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,817 My Inverted Dendermonde? 383 00:18:51,884 --> 00:18:53,185 You wouldn't dare! 384 00:18:53,252 --> 00:18:54,921 (whimpering) 385 00:18:54,987 --> 00:18:56,255 All right, all right! I'll tell you! 386 00:18:56,322 --> 00:18:58,357 I was buying him that. 387 00:19:01,527 --> 00:19:03,963 Go ahead. Tell him. 388 00:19:04,030 --> 00:19:05,932 I didn't go to your game, 389 00:19:05,998 --> 00:19:07,934 because I was afraid if you lost, 390 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,403 I wouldn't know how to comfort you. 391 00:19:10,469 --> 00:19:12,972 So I supported you the only way I knew how. 392 00:19:13,039 --> 00:19:14,740 I purchased you a collectible. 393 00:19:14,807 --> 00:19:16,776 Which I never had the heart to give you. 394 00:19:16,842 --> 00:19:19,579 (gasps) Sandy Koufax, 395 00:19:19,645 --> 00:19:21,747 the left arm of God! 396 00:19:21,814 --> 00:19:24,917 Son, perhaps we should do something we've never done. 397 00:19:24,984 --> 00:19:26,452 Have a catch? 398 00:19:26,519 --> 00:19:28,387 I think I would like that. 399 00:19:30,656 --> 00:19:32,224 ‐Ow! ‐Ow! 400 00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:34,126 ‐Ow! ‐Ow! 401 00:19:34,193 --> 00:19:38,097 Everyone, my son and I are having a catch. 402 00:19:38,164 --> 00:19:41,200 BOB BALABAN: Love was finally on display. 403 00:19:42,201 --> 00:19:43,836 ‐Ow. ‐Ow. 404 00:19:43,903 --> 00:19:48,741 Well, maybe Comic Book Guy won't be so afraid to be a father. 405 00:19:48,808 --> 00:19:50,109 (chuckles) 406 00:19:50,176 --> 00:19:51,811 Sucker. 407 00:19:51,877 --> 00:19:53,879 (crying) 408 00:19:55,348 --> 00:19:57,984 Wife, I have returned... healed! 409 00:19:58,050 --> 00:20:00,953 I am now... Changed Better Guy. 410 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:03,756 (gasps) My ultimate fantasy. 411 00:20:03,823 --> 00:20:07,660 Mr. Beaver from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. 412 00:20:07,727 --> 00:20:10,196 You are ready to make a baby. 413 00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:12,932 ♪ ♪ 414 00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:17,903 (instrumental intro to "Ooh La La" plays) 415 00:20:35,755 --> 00:20:38,157 ♪ Poor old Granddad ♪ 416 00:20:38,224 --> 00:20:41,394 ♪ I laughed at all his words ♪ 417 00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:44,797 ♪ I thought he was a bitter man ♪ 418 00:20:44,864 --> 00:20:46,799 ♪ He spoke of women's ways... ♪ 419 00:20:51,437 --> 00:20:53,639 ♪ They trap you and they use you ♪ 420 00:20:53,706 --> 00:20:56,842 ♪ Before you even know ♪ 421 00:20:56,909 --> 00:20:59,645 ♪ But love is blind and you're far too kind ♪ 422 00:20:59,712 --> 00:21:02,848 ♪ Don't ever let it show ♪ 423 00:21:02,915 --> 00:21:07,653 ♪ I wish that I knew what I know now ♪ 424 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,755 ♪ When I was younger ♪ 425 00:21:09,822 --> 00:21:14,026 ♪ I wish that I knew what I know now ♪ 426 00:21:14,093 --> 00:21:15,928 ♪ When I was stronger ♪ 427 00:21:15,995 --> 00:21:18,764 ♪ The can‐can's such a pretty show ♪ 428 00:21:18,831 --> 00:21:22,001 ♪ Will steal your heart away ♪ 429 00:21:22,068 --> 00:21:25,771 ♪ But backstage back on Earth again ♪ 430 00:21:25,838 --> 00:21:28,374 ♪ The dressing rooms are gray ♪ 431 00:21:28,441 --> 00:21:30,776 ♪ They come on strong and it ain't too... ♪ 432 00:21:30,843 --> 00:21:31,844 Shh!