1
00:00:33,563 --> 00:00:35,245
Hmm.

2
00:00:36,382 --> 00:00:38,213
What's the matter,
sweetie?

3
00:00:38,214 --> 00:00:40,538
Tomorrow's Multicultural Day
at school.

4
00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:42,366
Now what do they want?

5
00:00:43,745 --> 00:00:45,114
I've got to give a presentation

6
00:00:45,115 --> 00:00:46,525
about our family's heritage,

7
00:00:46,526 --> 00:00:48,099
but ours is so boring.

8
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,319
Yep. The Simpsons

9
00:00:49,323 --> 00:00:50,331
have never married,

10
00:00:50,335 --> 00:00:51,324
or even shook hands,

11
00:00:51,326 --> 00:00:52,818
with anyone interesting.

12
00:00:52,818 --> 00:00:54,481
In a world of 31 flavors,

13
00:00:54,481 --> 00:00:55,805
we're the cup of water

14
00:00:55,813 --> 00:00:57,540
they rinse the scoops in.

15
00:00:57,547 --> 00:00:58,674
Grampa out.

16
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:01,482
Aw, Grampa.

17
00:01:01,488 --> 00:01:03,056
We should take lots of pictures

18
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:04,822
of him while we still can.

19
00:01:04,884 --> 00:01:05,875
Camera's broken!

20
00:01:14,068 --> 00:01:15,288
Hey, Lis, check it out.

21
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:16,510
With some clever scissor work,

22
00:01:16,516 --> 00:01:17,726
I can make the Lake Land Butter

23
00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:20,130
Indian maiden show me her boobs.

24
00:01:23,936 --> 00:01:25,316
Clean, dirty.

25
00:01:26,282 --> 00:01:27,390
Clean, dirty.

26
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:30,449
Clean, dirty.

27
00:01:31,294 --> 00:01:32,553
Bart, stop that!

28
00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:34,750
Native Americans
are a proud people

29
00:01:34,764 --> 00:01:36,304
with a noble heritage.

30
00:01:37,192 --> 00:01:38,948
A noble heritage

31
00:01:38,953 --> 00:01:41,618
that anyone can claim.

32
00:01:43,858 --> 00:01:45,007
Cool!

33
00:01:45,012 --> 00:01:46,398
Look what Snap's
doing to Pop

34
00:01:46,415 --> 00:01:47,833
while Crackle watches!

35
00:01:49,783 --> 00:01:52,684
"My great-great-great-

36
00:01:53,344 --> 00:01:54,620
great... great-grandmother

37
00:01:54,626 --> 00:01:56,476
"was a Native American.

38
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,361
She was a member of the..."

39
00:02:03,117 --> 00:02:04,846
"...Hitachee tribe."

40
00:02:08,915 --> 00:02:10,393
Wait. Is it wrong for me

41
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:11,586
to appropriate the culture

42
00:02:11,591 --> 00:02:13,351
of a long-suffering people?

43
00:02:13,627 --> 00:02:15,116
I'll tell you
what's wrong:

44
00:02:15,118 --> 00:02:17,070
You getting a "C"
on this project

45
00:02:17,074 --> 00:02:19,255
and winding up at
a third-rate college.

46
00:02:19,259 --> 00:02:21,691
Lisa, the world needs you
to go to Wellesley!

47
00:02:21,698 --> 00:02:22,724
You're right.

48
00:02:22,729 --> 00:02:26,202
I'll just need to find
traditional garb.

49
00:02:28,895 --> 00:02:31,166
And so, my proud people

50
00:02:31,171 --> 00:02:34,287
were nearly destroyed
by the warfare, disease,

51
00:02:34,289 --> 00:02:37,692
and greed of
the invading Europeans.

52
00:02:37,697 --> 00:02:39,600
I didn't come here
to be insulted.

53
00:02:39,602 --> 00:02:40,700
<i>Guten Tag</i>!

54
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,256
Today, the Hitachees

55
00:02:46,263 --> 00:02:47,449
have dwindled to a handful,

56
00:02:47,454 --> 00:02:49,445
and our detailed
genealogical records

57
00:02:49,450 --> 00:02:51,108
were cruelly destroyed

58
00:02:51,113 --> 00:02:52,224
by the white man.

59
00:02:52,229 --> 00:02:54,770
So, any to research my tribe

60
00:02:54,772 --> 00:02:57,053
would be the ultimate insult.

61
00:02:57,820 --> 00:02:58,841
Splendid, Lisa.

62
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,375
By far, the best
presentation of the day.

63
00:03:01,383 --> 00:03:03,742
I'm still proud of what I am.

64
00:03:04,048 --> 00:03:04,967
And you should be.

65
00:03:05,089 --> 00:03:06,691
The city's Multicultural Council

66
00:03:06,697 --> 00:03:08,205
has invited one lucky student

67
00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,607
to perform at City Hall.

68
00:03:09,613 --> 00:03:11,312
Lisa, you'll be
representing us

69
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:13,546
and the noble
Hitachee people.

70
00:03:13,895 --> 00:03:15,563
Oh... great!

71
00:03:15,999 --> 00:03:17,848
I'd... love to.

72
00:03:18,297 --> 00:03:18,913
Mm-hmm.

73
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,361
Why did I have to lie
about my heritage?

74
00:03:22,367 --> 00:03:24,126
By speaking with forked tongue,

75
00:03:24,130 --> 00:03:26,210
I am in heap big trouble.

76
00:03:26,216 --> 00:03:29,160
And now I'm thinking
in stereotypes!

77
00:03:29,163 --> 00:03:30,512
That's even worse!

78
00:03:32,925 --> 00:03:34,603
Must be the war cry
of her tribe.

79
00:03:34,809 --> 00:03:35,766
Probably.

80
00:03:35,771 --> 00:03:37,089
Now, get me some coffee.

81
00:03:39,891 --> 00:03:42,223
Daddy, I got
me a C-minus

82
00:03:42,229 --> 00:03:44,698
on my Multicultural project.

83
00:03:44,705 --> 00:03:46,295
A C-minus, huh?

84
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,937
Well, let's celebrate.

85
00:03:47,945 --> 00:03:51,007
Hey, Brandine,
empty out the tub!

86
00:03:51,011 --> 00:03:53,051
We's makin' rum!

87
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:54,706
Can't use the tub!

88
00:03:54,710 --> 00:03:56,662
I'm drownin' rats in it!

89
00:03:56,718 --> 00:04:00,884
Still?! Are you drownin' 'em
or makin' love to 'em?

90
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,619
Oh!

91
00:04:48,624 --> 00:04:50,041
Mr. Burns, help me!

92
00:04:50,047 --> 00:04:51,905
Why? You're not helping me.

93
00:04:51,913 --> 00:04:54,192
But, sir, I'm flaming!

94
00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:01,713
My God, Willie, that fire is
headed right for the tetherball pole.

95
00:05:01,717 --> 00:05:02,744
Put it out!

96
00:05:02,751 --> 00:05:03,625
I cannot!

97
00:05:03,632 --> 00:05:05,842
All the extinguishers are gone!

98
00:05:08,493 --> 00:05:09,983
Then I'm afraid
these Wet Ones

99
00:05:09,989 --> 00:05:11,156
will have to do the job.

100
00:05:13,135 --> 00:05:14,878
Gah! These are drier

101
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,872
than a Charles Grodin quip.

102
00:05:19,825 --> 00:05:22,064
What monster,
or pair of monsters,

103
00:05:22,082 --> 00:05:24,290
would steal our extinguishers?

104
00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:26,888
If this works, I'll go faster

105
00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:29,295
than any ten-year-old
has ever gone.

106
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,586
Whoa!

107
00:05:38,123 --> 00:05:39,240
Whoa, whoa, whoa,

108
00:05:39,257 --> 00:05:40,161
whoa, whoa, whoa!

109
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:46,538
The flames are heading straight

110
00:05:46,543 --> 00:05:48,005
for the Flammable District!

111
00:05:48,008 --> 00:05:49,248
That's where
our mom works!

112
00:05:51,736 --> 00:05:53,638
My last words are "Lisa sucks!"

113
00:06:05,603 --> 00:06:07,504
That boy is a hero!

114
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,139
Let's get hoisted!

115
00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:12,016
Bart! Bart! Bart!

116
00:06:13,325 --> 00:06:15,507
Young man, to
show our gratitude,

117
00:06:15,511 --> 00:06:16,759
the city of Springfield

118
00:06:16,765 --> 00:06:18,293
will grant you one wish.

119
00:06:18,438 --> 00:06:20,567
Really? Hmm.

120
00:06:39,994 --> 00:06:41,573
That's it! I want a license!

121
00:06:41,578 --> 00:06:42,377
To kill?

122
00:06:42,379 --> 00:06:44,011
No. To drive.

123
00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:44,932
Suit yourself.

124
00:06:46,622 --> 00:06:48,392
Do you wish
to be an organ donor?

125
00:06:48,396 --> 00:06:50,015
No way! I don't want my guts

126
00:06:50,019 --> 00:06:51,540
touching some sick guy.

127
00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:52,995
Well, you make a good point

128
00:06:55,385 --> 00:06:56,142
Oh, yeah.

129
00:06:56,147 --> 00:06:56,782
Oh, yeah.

130
00:06:56,790 --> 00:06:57,666
I agree.

131
00:06:57,873 --> 00:06:59,773
Oh, this is a bad time for me

132
00:06:59,778 --> 00:07:01,725
to have massive organ failure

133
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:07,179
Where do you think you're going?

134
00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:13,679
Oh, I can't believe
this day is already here.

135
00:07:13,682 --> 00:07:17,005
Me taking you for your
first driving lesson.

136
00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:18,993
Hey! That jerk cut us off.

137
00:07:18,995 --> 00:07:20,255
Pull alongside.

138
00:07:21,114 --> 00:07:23,183
Eat Marshall Tucker,
idiot!

139
00:07:25,232 --> 00:07:27,304
Homer? Is that you?

140
00:07:27,599 --> 00:07:28,276
Floor it!

141
00:07:33,717 --> 00:07:35,464
So long suckers.

142
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:02,394
The Hitachees invented women's lacrosse...

143
00:08:02,408 --> 00:08:03,959
soft luggage...

144
00:08:04,894 --> 00:08:06,967
And that thing
where you're walking

145
00:08:06,967 --> 00:08:07,998
and someone's
walking towards you

146
00:08:08,008 --> 00:08:09,093
and you each try to step aside

147
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:10,278
but you both go the same way

148
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,139
and you do it again and again

149
00:08:11,145 --> 00:08:12,783
until one of you
just scoots around?

150
00:08:12,788 --> 00:08:14,978
They had seven names for that.

151
00:08:15,614 --> 00:08:19,301
Whoa, you just
blew my mind!

152
00:08:19,317 --> 00:08:21,554
Uh, thank you and good night.

153
00:08:21,561 --> 00:08:23,211
Yay!

154
00:08:23,326 --> 00:08:24,926
Show's over. Let's go.

155
00:08:24,928 --> 00:08:25,696
What's your hurry?

156
00:08:25,703 --> 00:08:27,280
Well, some of my report...

157
00:08:27,286 --> 00:08:28,605
um... wasn't thoroughly

158
00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:30,097
fact-checked.

159
00:08:32,089 --> 00:08:35,272
My little girl's
just like CBS News.

160
00:08:35,276 --> 00:08:37,650
Lisa, it was wonderful!

161
00:08:37,652 --> 00:08:40,474
I am such a proud
Hitachee mother.

162
00:08:40,491 --> 00:08:42,752
Lisa, hi, my name is
John Squawking Bear.

163
00:08:42,757 --> 00:08:45,169
I'm a reporter for
The Chippewa Bugle.

164
00:08:45,174 --> 00:08:46,590
I happen to have today's.

165
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,380
You know, uh, I thought I
knew all the lost tribes.

166
00:08:49,384 --> 00:08:51,102
I've never heard
of the Hitachee.

167
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:54,140
Yes, we're among the lostest.

168
00:08:54,146 --> 00:08:55,606
Uh-huh. Where
were you centered?

169
00:08:55,759 --> 00:08:57,791
Centered. Centered...

170
00:08:57,797 --> 00:09:01,080
You know where the four
states come together?

171
00:09:01,086 --> 00:09:01,903
Oh, quite well.

172
00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:03,618
Not there. Not even close.

173
00:09:03,623 --> 00:09:05,350
In the name of the Great Turtle,

174
00:09:05,355 --> 00:09:06,705
will you answer the question?

175
00:09:06,709 --> 00:09:10,084
We were south... west of...

176
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:12,340
North Dakota-lahoma.

177
00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:13,353
Hmm.

178
00:09:14,348 --> 00:09:16,069
Very good.

179
00:09:16,074 --> 00:09:16,821
Well, I better

180
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,664
get to my office
before my boss,

181
00:09:18,671 --> 00:09:20,410
Screaming Editor, gets mad.

182
00:09:20,417 --> 00:09:22,564
I kid, but he's a real jerk.

183
00:09:25,246 --> 00:09:26,508
Hey, guys. See you in a bit.

184
00:09:26,510 --> 00:09:28,272
I entered a thousand-mile
Baja Road race.

185
00:09:28,274 --> 00:09:29,847
Hold on there, boy.

186
00:09:29,851 --> 00:09:31,541
If you wanna keep using that car,

187
00:09:31,544 --> 00:09:33,045
you'd better start
pullin' your weight.

188
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,918
This cell phone is
so I can call you

189
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:36,985
whenever I need your
driving services.

190
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,568
I put in my
own ringtone!

191
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:42,660
Hello, Bart?

192
00:09:43,066 --> 00:09:44,926
Now, listen. I need you

193
00:09:44,929 --> 00:09:46,478
to go the gas station.

194
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:47,530
Tell them you need

195
00:09:47,538 --> 00:09:49,254
to inflate your tires,

196
00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:51,612
but actually you inflate

197
00:09:51,629 --> 00:09:53,064
these volleyballs.

198
00:09:53,069 --> 00:09:54,712
Then, throw them over

199
00:09:54,717 --> 00:09:56,213
the wall of the prison

200
00:09:56,218 --> 00:09:58,970
to create chaos
and confusion.

201
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,321
H-Hello?

202
00:10:06,595 --> 00:10:08,989
Bart! Buddy!

203
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,682
It's your dad!

204
00:10:10,846 --> 00:10:11,925
I need a ride.

205
00:10:12,331 --> 00:10:14,133
I think I'm in Chinatown.

206
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:16,770
Not our Chinatown.

207
00:10:17,336 --> 00:10:18,675
Slow down!

208
00:10:18,678 --> 00:10:20,559
You're too close
to that car.

209
00:10:20,562 --> 00:10:21,913
Your hands should be at ten and

210
00:10:21,928 --> 00:10:24,039
two, not three and nothing!

211
00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:26,134
You know, it'd be a real shame

212
00:10:26,137 --> 00:10:27,115
if someone started

213
00:10:27,119 --> 00:10:29,943
investigating your
"Indian heritage."

214
00:10:30,911 --> 00:10:31,699
I'll be good.

215
00:10:33,185 --> 00:10:34,023
Oh, man.

216
00:10:34,641 --> 00:10:35,368
What now?

217
00:10:35,531 --> 00:10:38,526
Boy, I don't want
to freak you out,

218
00:10:38,589 --> 00:10:41,713
but I'm calling
from inside the trunk.

219
00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:44,179
That was me.

220
00:10:44,184 --> 00:10:45,984
Some very UN-cool people

221
00:10:45,991 --> 00:10:47,410
put me in here.

222
00:10:49,568 --> 00:10:50,447
This sucks.

223
00:10:50,452 --> 00:10:51,470
I can't do anything fun

224
00:10:51,475 --> 00:10:52,242
'cause I'm doing so many

225
00:10:52,245 --> 00:10:52,993
stupid errands.

226
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:57,296
Shut up, shut up, shut up!

227
00:10:58,493 --> 00:10:59,749
Ah! It's dark in here!

228
00:11:00,318 --> 00:11:01,737
Oh, I gotta get outta

229
00:11:01,743 --> 00:11:03,099
this town for a while.

230
00:11:03,104 --> 00:11:05,066
Time to put the pedal to the metal.

231
00:11:15,095 --> 00:11:17,446
Ooh, North Haverbrook.

232
00:11:17,451 --> 00:11:20,486
The very name conjures up
romance and intrigue.

233
00:11:33,364 --> 00:11:36,949
Wow, a mint condition
Hippie Hulk from 1968!

234
00:11:37,094 --> 00:11:39,977
Tune in, turn on, Hulk out!

235
00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:42,754
Oh, man, this town's got everything!

236
00:11:43,390 --> 00:11:46,775
Hey, hey, LBJ, how many pants
you rip today?

237
00:11:48,525 --> 00:11:50,755
<i>Gonna rock around the clock tonight</i>

238
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:56,820
<i>Gonna rock, gonna rock
around the clock tonight.</i>

239
00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:05,743
Any of you ladies
like stereo music?

240
00:12:07,542 --> 00:12:08,391
I do.

241
00:12:12,466 --> 00:12:13,413
You look kinda young.

242
00:12:14,272 --> 00:12:17,426
Yeah. I have that disease that
makes you look like an old man,

243
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:19,660
but they gave me medicine
for it and I took too much.

244
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:22,587
That's cool.
I'm Darcy.

245
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,141
I'm Bart Simpson,
who the hell are you?

246
00:12:24,648 --> 00:12:26,017
Oh, right. Darcy.

247
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:41,690
Bart! This is a matter
of life and death.

248
00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:45,246
What is the difference
between ketchup and catsup?

249
00:12:45,853 --> 00:12:47,686
They're gonna cut
my head off...

250
00:12:56,082 --> 00:12:58,280
Kyle, are you sure we
should be making out

251
00:12:58,439 --> 00:12:59,916
in this abandoned sawmill?

252
00:13:00,022 --> 00:13:01,017
Lighten up, baby.

253
00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:03,195
There hasn't been a murder
here in ten years.

254
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:05,400
Ten years tonight.

255
00:13:08,716 --> 00:13:11,665
It's the kid we locked in the
cemetery in the first grade!

256
00:13:11,821 --> 00:13:14,373
Hey, what are you gonna do
with that chainsaw, dork?

257
00:13:20,846 --> 00:13:22,544
I really like you, Bart.

258
00:13:22,699 --> 00:13:24,649
That is such a girl
thing to say.

259
00:13:27,634 --> 00:13:29,512
So, Doctor, was it all a dream.

260
00:13:45,512 --> 00:13:47,110
Bart, let's get married.

261
00:13:48,771 --> 00:13:50,158
- What?!
- Why not?

262
00:13:50,315 --> 00:13:51,311
We've made out.

263
00:13:51,368 --> 00:13:53,064
It's not right to make
out with somebody

264
00:13:53,181 --> 00:13:54,862
if you have no intention
of marrying them.

265
00:13:55,066 --> 00:13:56,403
I mean, you're not a jerk, right?

266
00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,195
- No, I'm not, but...
- Then it's settled.

267
00:14:01,571 --> 00:14:04,056
Oh, man, I must be the first guy
who was ever pressured

268
00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:05,058
into marriage.

269
00:14:15,090 --> 00:14:18,972
Look, Darcy, I like you.
I really do. It's just...

270
00:14:19,179 --> 00:14:21,953
- I'm only ten years old.
- Wha...?!

271
00:14:22,389 --> 00:14:23,757
I'm really sorry.

272
00:14:24,765 --> 00:14:27,855
Bart, I've been keeping
a secret from you, too.

273
00:14:28,264 --> 00:14:29,320
I'm pregnant

274
00:14:42,762 --> 00:14:45,953
- I'm going to be a father?!
- What?! No!

275
00:14:46,262 --> 00:14:49,274
You couldn't be the father.
We never got close to that.

276
00:14:49,427 --> 00:14:50,567
Really? We didn't?

277
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:53,514
But we kissed and held
hands at the same time.

278
00:14:53,670 --> 00:14:55,670
Wow, you really are ten.

279
00:14:55,836 --> 00:14:57,396
I thought you were just
kind of stupid.

280
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,622
I'm ten and stupid.

281
00:14:59,786 --> 00:15:02,158
Look, if I'm not the
father, then who is?

282
00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:04,441
A Norwegian exchange student.

283
00:15:04,648 --> 00:15:07,168
He's long gone,
back to Norwegia.

284
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,147
I wanted you to marry me
so my baby would have a dad.

285
00:15:10,552 --> 00:15:12,032
I'm very religious that way.

286
00:15:12,188 --> 00:15:14,187
How religious can you be
if you're pregnant?

287
00:15:14,995 --> 00:15:15,941
Good answer.

288
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,403
Marrying you was my only hope.

289
00:15:19,707 --> 00:15:22,479
When my parents find out,
they're gonna kill me.

290
00:15:24,973 --> 00:15:28,979
Look, Darcy, maybe there's
still a way we can get married.

291
00:15:29,182 --> 00:15:31,181
How?
You're just a kid!

292
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:32,988
Maybe I shouldn't be
telling you this,

293
00:15:33,195 --> 00:15:36,699
but there is a state where the
marriage laws are a little looser.

294
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,851
- Utah.
- Utah?

295
00:15:39,059 --> 00:15:40,808
Home of America's
most powerful weirdos?

296
00:15:41,013 --> 00:15:43,865
Our lives could be
so wonderful there.

297
00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:00,100
Oh, Bart.

298
00:16:00,305 --> 00:16:03,897
You are an extreme husband
and an extreme father.

299
00:16:05,559 --> 00:16:06,676
Awesome!

300
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:18,407
The people of my tribe lived
in harmony with the land.

301
00:16:18,713 --> 00:16:23,259
Eating mock buffalo steaks
made from peaceful turnip roots,

302
00:16:24,229 --> 00:16:27,029
uh, they...
Environment...

303
00:16:27,437 --> 00:16:29,627
uh, dignity...

304
00:16:30,944 --> 00:16:32,245
Corn god...

305
00:16:32,851 --> 00:16:35,703
I'm sorry, I can't do this!
I made it all!

306
00:16:36,009 --> 00:16:37,707
There is no Hitachee tribe.

307
00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:39,443
I took the name
from my microwave.

308
00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:44,355
But surely you can forgive
a little girl who...

309
00:16:45,483 --> 00:16:46,409
Wait, wait.

310
00:16:46,616 --> 00:16:48,485
Although she is not
one of our people,

311
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,497
this young lady has shown the courage
we Native Americans cherish.

312
00:16:52,653 --> 00:16:54,480
And who can blame her
for wanting to be one of us?

313
00:16:54,606 --> 00:16:57,962
We have a noble heritage
and cheekbones to die for.

314
00:16:59,421 --> 00:17:02,152
I'm not Native American, either.
I just ski a lot.

315
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,872
- I'm Japanese.
- Well, I'm an Aborigine.

316
00:17:06,086 --> 00:17:08,759
I'm two midgets in a costume.

317
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:11,395
What?

318
00:17:11,581 --> 00:17:13,052
Not you, Fibbing Bear?!

319
00:17:15,862 --> 00:17:18,965
You know, my great-great
grandmother was an Indian.

320
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:21,240
I guess I should've
mentioned that before, huh?

321
00:17:21,449 --> 00:17:22,876
Yes, you should have!

322
00:17:25,789 --> 00:17:28,459
Bart, sweetie.
I need some strawberries.

323
00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:30,366
I bet they sell them in Utah.

324
00:17:30,573 --> 00:17:33,805
Bart, I need some strawberries.
Right now.

325
00:17:34,212 --> 00:17:37,593
- We're in the middle of the desert.
- I need strawberries!

326
00:17:37,899 --> 00:17:39,769
Take my wife...
please.

327
00:17:40,579 --> 00:17:42,026
Hey, I finally get that joke.

328
00:17:46,043 --> 00:17:48,443
I just found this note
in Bart's room.

329
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,898
"Dear Mom and Dad,
me and my girlfriend Darcy

330
00:17:51,055 --> 00:17:52,856
have gone to Utah
to get married.

331
00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:55,360
FYI: she's pregnant."

332
00:17:58,072 --> 00:17:59,673
Simpson men get the job done.

333
00:18:00,681 --> 00:18:02,579
It's a tragedy,
a real tragedy.

334
00:18:02,584 --> 00:18:06,590
I mean, what kind of tramp gets
knocked up before she's even married?

335
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,146
I did.

336
00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:11,652
I mean in this day and age,
when the link between sex

337
00:18:11,810 --> 00:18:15,716
and pregnancy has been proven
so... conclusively...

338
00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:19,273
in Scientific American, where...

339
00:18:24,243 --> 00:18:28,349
Okay, we can trace where the kids are
by the charges they made on your card.

340
00:18:28,652 --> 00:18:32,500
In Colorado, they charged
$200 worth of bubble gum.

341
00:18:32,764 --> 00:18:34,134
Actually, that was me.

342
00:18:36,424 --> 00:18:38,523
"Dingle's Berries"
in Provo, Utah?

343
00:18:38,679 --> 00:18:40,079
Why would I go to Utah?

344
00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:42,383
I love booze,
caffeine and monogamy.

345
00:18:42,892 --> 00:18:44,361
Then that must be it.

346
00:18:45,397 --> 00:18:47,930
Our daughter says she's
run off with your son.

347
00:18:48,246 --> 00:18:49,984
- Did she mention she was knocked up?
- No!

348
00:18:50,008 --> 00:18:51,457
Oops! Sorry for the spoiler.

349
00:18:56,207 --> 00:18:59,430
So how many brides will you
be marrying today, Mr. Simpson?

350
00:18:59,586 --> 00:19:01,585
- Just one.
- What are you, gay?

351
00:19:03,045 --> 00:19:04,413
Stop the wedding!

352
00:19:04,749 --> 00:19:06,948
Bart, you're too young
to get married.

353
00:19:07,156 --> 00:19:09,858
You still make me check
the closet for the boogeyman.

354
00:19:10,043 --> 00:19:12,261
Well, maybe I found
someone else to do it for me.

355
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,470
Someone who will do
a more thorough job.

356
00:19:14,676 --> 00:19:16,113
I don't care how young he is,

357
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,313
he took advantage of a girl
five years older than him.

358
00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:21,639
Utah karate!

359
00:19:31,266 --> 00:19:32,666
Dad, lay off the Bartman.

360
00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:33,720
He's not the father.

361
00:19:34,023 --> 00:19:37,529
I just wanted to marry him, so you and
Mom wouldn't be ashamed of me.

362
00:19:37,835 --> 00:19:40,104
Ashamed?
I'm thrilled...

363
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,823
because I'm gonna
have a baby, too!

364
00:19:44,602 --> 00:19:47,203
We can lie to the neighbors
and tell them they're twins.

365
00:19:47,409 --> 00:19:48,908
Awesome idea, Dad.

366
00:19:49,514 --> 00:19:51,554
I guess this is the end for us, Bart.

367
00:19:51,863 --> 00:19:53,170
Thanks for everything.

368
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:54,655
Darcy, in 50 years,

369
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,862
you might see me walking down
the street and you'll wonder,

370
00:19:58,026 --> 00:20:00,008
"Is that Bart?"
And I'll go...

371
00:20:01,248 --> 00:20:02,345
and you'll know.

372
00:20:06,809 --> 00:20:10,517
You know, I thought Darcy and I would
be like a real married couple.

373
00:20:10,761 --> 00:20:13,622
Instead we just ended up
fighting all the time.

374
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,119
Yeah, how 'bout that?

375
00:20:16,286 --> 00:20:17,883
You know, for a while,

376
00:20:17,992 --> 00:20:20,842
I was kind of looking
forward to being a dad.

377
00:20:21,198 --> 00:20:25,154
Son, one day you're going
to be a great father.

378
00:20:26,111 --> 00:20:29,315
- And someday you'll be one, too.
- Thanks, boy.

379
00:20:31,075 --> 00:20:32,673
Hey, for old time's sake,

380
00:20:32,879 --> 00:20:34,578
you want to drive me
around while I sing

381
00:20:34,736 --> 00:20:36,715
public domain songs out the window?

382
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:37,786
You got it.

383
00:20:37,943 --> 00:20:41,037
<i>Twinkle, twinkle
Little star</i>

384
00:20:41,403 --> 00:20:44,383
<i>How I wonder what you are</i>