1 00:01:13,659 --> 00:01:17,242 Thanks, kids. Now I'd like to speak to you seriously for a moment. 2 00:01:17,413 --> 00:01:20,665 Yep. This week is the grand opening of itchy & Scratchy Land. 3 00:01:20,834 --> 00:01:23,409 The violentest place on Earth. 4 00:01:23,588 --> 00:01:28,583 And to celebrate, for this week only, we're cutting ticket prices in half. 5 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,475 Kids, you heard the cartoon rat. 6 00:01:35,644 --> 00:01:38,896 If you haven't already run to your parents begging to go, do it now. 7 00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:41,936 You won't miss anything funny. ”Has! be sitting here... 8 00:01:42,111 --> 00:01:45,113 ...reading this grownups“ newspaper. 9 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:48,028 Go now. 10 00:01:48,243 --> 00:01:51,364 Dad, remember how you said that going to Itchy & Scratchy Land... 11 00:01:51,539 --> 00:01:53,200 ...would be too damned expensive? 12 00:01:53,375 --> 00:01:55,748 Oh, everything's too damn expensive these days. 13 00:01:55,919 --> 00:02:01,295 Look at this Bible I just got, 15 bucks. And talk about a preachy book. 14 00:02:01,468 --> 00:02:04,506 Everybody's a sinner, except for this guy. 15 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,968 But now Itchy & Scratchy Land is cutting ticket prices in half. 16 00:02:08,143 --> 00:02:10,683 Can we go, Dad? Can we, can we, can we? Take it, Lis. 17 00:02:10,855 --> 00:02:13,774 -Can we? -No, no, no. Ask your mother. 18 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:20,070 -Mom. guess what. -We're going to Itchy & Scratchy Land. 19 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:23,113 No. I've already planned our vacation. 20 00:02:23,328 --> 00:02:26,367 We're going to the Highway 9 bird sanctuary. 21 00:02:26,541 --> 00:02:30,208 I understand they've installed a new bird feeder this year. 22 00:02:31,422 --> 00:02:36,216 It's shaped like a diner. And it's on this really tall pole. 23 00:02:40,809 --> 00:02:43,431 Mom, Dad, Bart's dead! 24 00:02:44,772 --> 00:02:48,521 That's right. Dead serious about going to Itchy & Scratchy Land. 25 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:52,405 You know, Itchy & Scratchy Land isn't just for kids. 26 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,611 They have a place called Parents' Island. 27 00:02:55,785 --> 00:03:00,247 Yeah. Dancing, bowling, fashionable shops, over 100 bars and saloons... 28 00:03:00,416 --> 00:03:03,501 ...and a world-class chemical-dependency center. 29 00:03:03,670 --> 00:03:06,542 TV Town. Hammock Land! 30 00:03:06,716 --> 00:03:09,207 “Recipe-related bumper cars. “ 31 00:03:13,975 --> 00:03:16,550 Wait a minute. I'm not sure about this. 32 00:03:16,728 --> 00:03:20,395 Every time we've ever gone on vacation, I end up being horribly embarrassed. 33 00:03:20,566 --> 00:03:23,901 We have a big fight and we come home more miserable than when we left. 34 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:27,025 You have to promise me that this isn't gonna happen this time. 35 00:03:27,199 --> 00:03:31,827 -Embarrassed? What do you mean? -Well, our trip to the Amish country. 36 00:03:31,997 --> 00:03:33,955 Oh, yes. 37 00:03:35,126 --> 00:03:38,081 Hey, look, Marge. They're still not fighting back. 38 00:03:39,256 --> 00:03:42,626 I can be a jerk and no one can stop me. 39 00:03:43,428 --> 00:03:45,837 Even worse was our trip to Sandy Beach. 40 00:03:52,356 --> 00:03:54,017 Suckers. 41 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,942 Sharkboy! 42 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,986 This year I want us to do things together as a family. 43 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,201 And get a lot of good exercise outdoors... 44 00:04:04,371 --> 00:04:07,705 ...so we'll have a lot of wonderful memories of our vacation. 45 00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:10,284 Don't worry, Mom. We'll make you proud of us. 46 00:04:10,461 --> 00:04:14,674 Lobster hat, fishnet Speedo Jr., wheelie shoes... 47 00:04:14,842 --> 00:04:16,835 ...invisible-dog leash. 48 00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:19,336 Well, I'm packed. 49 00:04:19,514 --> 00:04:21,840 Remember, every morning. give a bowl of kibble... 50 00:04:22,017 --> 00:04:25,138 ...to Santa's Little Helper. Do you want me to write this down? 51 00:04:25,313 --> 00:04:28,102 No. I ain't senile, dad blast it. 52 00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:30,897 -Okay, bye-bye. -Bye, Grampa. 53 00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:33,740 Wait a minute. What was that last thing you said? 54 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:37,989 Grampa's Little Helper? What's that? 55 00:04:38,288 --> 00:04:41,326 Which one of you is the mailman? 56 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,497 Okay, let's make a pact. This is gonna be the best vacation ever... 57 00:04:46,673 --> 00:04:49,877 ...or we'll all agree to disband and join other families. 58 00:04:50,052 --> 00:04:51,085 Agreed. 59 00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:55,261 The interstate. Fasten your seatbelts, kids. 60 00:04:55,434 --> 00:04:58,555 We're on our way to Itchy & Scratchy Land. 61 00:05:00,649 --> 00:05:04,435 Don't worry. I've got an ace up my sleeve. 62 00:05:20,632 --> 00:05:22,543 -Dad, can we stop at Flickey's? -No. 63 00:05:29,435 --> 00:05:31,594 Oh, my God. What'll I do? What'll I do? 64 00:05:31,771 --> 00:05:35,817 What's the matter with you? We don't have any fruits or vegetables in the car. 65 00:05:36,568 --> 00:05:38,978 The whole trunk's full of them, Marge. 66 00:05:41,324 --> 00:05:44,030 Got any fruits or vegetables? 67 00:05:46,748 --> 00:05:50,201 Hey. Mr. Wimbley, it happened again. 68 00:05:50,377 --> 00:05:54,625 Now to absorb some local color through the magic of AM radio. 69 00:05:55,258 --> 00:05:59,886 The book of Revelation tells us to watch for the seven signs of evil. 70 00:06:00,974 --> 00:06:03,050 Sign of evil number four- 71 00:06:03,226 --> 00:06:07,309 Continuing our sign-of-evil countdown, here's Vanessa Williams. 72 00:06:10,611 --> 00:06:14,194 Haven't we stood in five different states long enough? 73 00:06:14,365 --> 00:06:15,943 No. 74 00:06:25,337 --> 00:06:27,628 We better find a motel and stop for the night. 75 00:06:27,799 --> 00:06:32,379 We don't need to do that, Marge. I'm not tired. I'm not tired at all. 76 00:06:37,602 --> 00:06:39,098 Glad that wasn't us. 77 00:06:41,065 --> 00:06:44,399 North, south. Nuts to this. 78 00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:48,236 -I'm gonna take a shortcut. -Homer, no. You're gonna get lost. 79 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:52,454 Trust me, Marge. With today's modern cars, you can't get lost. 80 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,161 What with all the silicon chips and such. 81 00:07:05,262 --> 00:07:08,964 All right, we're here. Let us never speak of the shortcut again. 82 00:07:09,142 --> 00:07:12,262 Now remember, we're in the Itchy Lot. 83 00:07:16,818 --> 00:07:20,271 We're now approaching our final destination, Itchy & Scratchy Land. 84 00:07:20,447 --> 00:07:24,114 The amusement park of the future where nothing can possib-lie go wrong. 85 00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,115 Possibly go wrong. 86 00:07:27,873 --> 00:07:30,662 That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong. 87 00:07:47,606 --> 00:07:49,564 One adult and four children. 88 00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:51,941 Do you want to buy some Itchy & Scratchy money? 89 00:07:52,112 --> 00:07:54,437 -What's that? -Money that's made for the park. 90 00:07:54,615 --> 00:07:57,617 It works just like regular money, but it's fun. 91 00:07:57,785 --> 00:08:00,657 -Do it, Dad. -Well, okay. If it's fun. 92 00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:03,999 Let's see. I'll take $1100 worth. 93 00:08:14,890 --> 00:08:17,180 -Cool, that is neato. -Oh, wow. Cool. 94 00:08:17,351 --> 00:08:19,725 Such a violent motif. 95 00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:23,729 Yeah, but it's just pretend violence, which is actually beneficial for children. 96 00:08:27,781 --> 00:08:31,234 There's no need to murmur, ma'am. Here at Itchy & Scratchy Land... 97 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:34,330 ...we're just as concerned about violence as you are. 98 00:08:34,498 --> 00:08:37,369 That's why we're always careful to show the consequences... 99 00:08:37,543 --> 00:08:40,628 ...of deadly mayhem so that we may educate as well as horrify. 100 00:08:40,797 --> 00:08:42,505 When do you show the consequences? 101 00:08:42,674 --> 00:08:44,881 On TV, that mouse pulled out the cat's lungs... 102 00:08:45,052 --> 00:08:46,714 ...and played them like a bagpipe. 103 00:08:46,888 --> 00:08:49,178 In the next scene, the cat's breathing comfortably. 104 00:08:49,349 --> 00:08:50,548 Just like in real life. 105 00:08:51,352 --> 00:08:52,811 Hey, look over there. 106 00:08:56,859 --> 00:08:59,315 -A brain burger with extra pus, please. -Bart. 107 00:08:59,487 --> 00:09:01,611 -Eyeball stew. -Homer. We just got here... 108 00:09:01,781 --> 00:09:05,282 ...and already I'm mortified beyond belief by your embarrassing behavior. 109 00:09:05,453 --> 00:09:09,321 I was just ordering a cheeseburger. They have violent names for everything here. 110 00:09:09,499 --> 00:09:13,083 Oh, I see. All right. 111 00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:17,963 -I'll have the baby guts. -Lady, you disgust me. 112 00:09:19,011 --> 00:09:20,803 Mom, that's veal. 113 00:09:23,892 --> 00:09:28,555 -You sure she'll have fun here? -Of course. Babies love the ball room. 114 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:42,329 Torture Land, Explosion Land... 115 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:48,752 ...Searing Gas Pain Land, Unnecessary Surgery Land. 116 00:09:49,591 --> 00:09:52,344 Oh, look. It's the 12 noon robot parade. 117 00:09:52,511 --> 00:09:55,086 Hurry up or we'll have to wait for the 12:05 parade. 118 00:10:15,957 --> 00:10:19,956 Wow, this is so much like my dreams, it's scary. 119 00:10:24,342 --> 00:10:26,716 Look at that cute little baby ax. 120 00:10:29,515 --> 00:10:32,850 It's cute, but I'm sure it's very sharp and probably dirty. 121 00:10:33,979 --> 00:10:36,649 Dirty, maybe. Dangerous, hardly. 122 00:10:36,816 --> 00:10:39,308 These are state-of-the-art animatronic robots. 123 00:10:39,486 --> 00:10:44,149 They have sensors that ensure they only attack each other, never the guests. 124 00:10:58,885 --> 00:11:03,382 See all that stuff in there, Homer? That's why your robot never worked. 125 00:11:12,652 --> 00:11:17,031 This is just what I was hoping for, spending the day together as a family. 126 00:11:35,514 --> 00:11:39,014 You know, part of spending time together as a family... 127 00:11:39,185 --> 00:11:41,641 ...is spending time apart as individuals. 128 00:11:41,813 --> 00:11:43,190 Parents' Island? 129 00:11:43,357 --> 00:11:46,609 I'm sure we'll appreciate each other more when we meet up at dinner. 130 00:11:46,778 --> 00:11:49,649 Are you kids gonna be all right? Kids? 131 00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:01,918 It is the '70s. Right down to the smallest detail. 132 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,498 Hey, the bartender even looks like John Travolta. 133 00:12:04,675 --> 00:12:06,752 Yeah, “looks like.“ 134 00:12:08,305 --> 00:12:12,601 Look at all this great stuff, Lis. Cool. Personalized plates. 135 00:12:12,769 --> 00:12:16,767 Barclay, Barry, Bert... Bart? 136 00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:18,566 Come on. “Bart“? 137 00:12:18,734 --> 00:12:22,234 -Mommy, buy me a license plate. -No. Come along, Bart. 138 00:12:22,405 --> 00:12:25,942 -Are you talking to me? -No. My son is also named Bart. 139 00:12:26,118 --> 00:12:29,157 -Who are all these characters? -You're too young to remember... 140 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:33,283 ...the short-lived Itchy & Scratchy & Friends Haw. They had to have friends. 141 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,464 There's Disgruntled Goat, Uncle Ant, Ku Klux Klam. 142 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,177 Oh, yeah. They weren't very funny. 143 00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:42,421 I don't know. Disgruntled Goat had his moments. 144 00:12:58,492 --> 00:13:03,998 Welcome to T.G.I. McScratchy's, where it's constantly New Year's Eve. 145 00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:10,372 Here we go again. Three, two, one. 146 00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:22,354 It must be wonderful to ring in the new year over and over and over. 147 00:13:22,522 --> 00:13:24,397 Please kill me. 148 00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:45,339 -The babies look unhappy. -Add more balls. 149 00:13:49,722 --> 00:13:54,101 Roger Meyers Sn, the gentle genius behind Itchy and Scratchy... 150 00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:57,474 ...loved and cared about almost a" the peoples of the world. 151 00:13:57,649 --> 00:14:00,568 And he in return was beloved by the world... 152 00:14:00,736 --> 00:14:05,399 ...except in 1938, when he was criticized for his controversial cartoon... 153 00:14:05,575 --> 00:14:08,578 ..."Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors." 154 00:14:08,788 --> 00:14:13,202 Among his proudest achievements was the full-length musical Scratchtasia. 155 00:15:06,651 --> 00:15:10,698 Hey, Ma, I'm gonna get me a picture of this crazy critter. 156 00:15:13,701 --> 00:15:15,992 No flash photography, please. 157 00:15:20,335 --> 00:15:24,998 Roger Meyers' next full-length feature was the wildly successful Pinitchio. 158 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:30,128 Now, you be a good Pinitchio, and don't you lie. 159 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:32,679 I promise I will never hurt you. 160 00:15:34,310 --> 00:15:37,728 I wonder if this kind of violence really does desensitize us. 161 00:15:42,696 --> 00:15:44,772 -Wanna get a snow cone? -Okay. 162 00:15:49,663 --> 00:15:54,540 So, Mr. Itchy, you think you're God's gift to women, do you? 163 00:15:54,711 --> 00:15:55,874 Don't do it, Bart. 164 00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:06,179 I just wanted to entertain. 165 00:16:07,268 --> 00:16:10,187 Can you believe I keep getting away with this? 166 00:16:11,064 --> 00:16:13,105 Officer. 167 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,026 Mop-and-bucket man to the exit of the Nauseator. 168 00:16:22,203 --> 00:16:24,577 Another jumper on the roof of T.G.I. McScratchy's. 169 00:16:24,748 --> 00:16:27,418 We need more Bart license plates in the gift shop. 170 00:16:27,585 --> 00:16:31,085 I repeat, we are sold out of Bart license plates. 171 00:16:33,676 --> 00:16:35,337 I really wish they wouldn't scream. 172 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,224 -Dad? -I kicked one of those... 173 00:16:41,394 --> 00:16:44,183 -...stupid Itchy characters in the butt. -Yeah. 174 00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:46,349 There's just no way to resist it, is there? 175 00:16:48,069 --> 00:16:51,652 I want all five T-shirts to say “best vacation ever.“ 176 00:16:51,823 --> 00:16:55,277 Attention, Marge Simpson. Your son has been arrested. 177 00:16:56,496 --> 00:16:59,166 I'd be terribly embarrassed if I were that boy's mother. 178 00:17:00,459 --> 00:17:05,669 Attention, Marge Simpson. We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son. 179 00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:13,677 I'm so embarrassed, I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die. 180 00:17:13,851 --> 00:17:17,719 -Okay, threw her in the hole. -Please. It was just a figure of speech. 181 00:17:21,110 --> 00:17:24,479 You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us... 182 00:17:24,656 --> 00:17:28,572 ...that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok... 183 00:17:28,744 --> 00:17:32,494 ...in an orgy of blood and kicking and the biting with the metal teeth... 184 00:17:32,666 --> 00:17:36,083 -...and the hurting and shoving. -How much time do we have, professor? 185 00:17:36,253 --> 00:17:41,545 According to my calculations, the robots won't go berserk for at least 24 hours. 186 00:17:45,807 --> 00:17:48,382 Oh, I forgot to carry the one. 187 00:17:48,602 --> 00:17:52,352 -I have nothing to say to you. -But, Marge, I was a political prisoner. 188 00:17:52,524 --> 00:17:56,191 -How are you a political prisoner? -I kicked a giant mouse in the butt. 189 00:17:56,362 --> 00:17:59,032 Do I have to draw you a diagram? 190 00:17:59,616 --> 00:18:01,990 Oh, for gosh sakes. What now? 191 00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:14,709 Hey, look. This one's coming on to me. 192 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,301 Mr. Robot. 193 00:18:24,939 --> 00:18:27,609 You're wrong about that robot trying to be your friend. 194 00:18:27,776 --> 00:18:31,229 Lisa, don't contradict your elders. 195 00:18:32,323 --> 00:18:36,785 My hair. You chopped off my hair. Oh, God, I'm ugly. 196 00:18:36,954 --> 00:18:39,445 I knew we should've gone to the bird sanctuary. 197 00:18:45,131 --> 00:18:48,335 I need the biggest seed hell you have. 198 00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:51,336 No, that's too big. 199 00:18:53,391 --> 00:18:54,886 A chopper. We're saved. 200 00:18:55,644 --> 00:18:58,349 Hey, you're the guys who didn't like our capering. 201 00:18:58,522 --> 00:19:01,228 When you get to hell, tell them Itchy sent you. 202 00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:08,064 Oh, my. It looks like we're doomed. 203 00:19:09,411 --> 00:19:13,659 Back, you robot. Nobody ruins my family vacation but me. 204 00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:15,625 And maybe the boy. 205 00:19:35,777 --> 00:19:37,485 Dad, the flash must have scrambled their circuits. 206 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:41,440 -What are you, the narrator? -Just keep taking pictures. 207 00:19:42,702 --> 00:19:44,114 I'll get more cameras! 208 00:19:47,416 --> 00:19:48,994 Smashy-smashy. 209 00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:51,500 I don't approve of that. 210 00:19:58,221 --> 00:20:00,975 Hey, mouse. Say cheese. 211 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,645 With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero. 212 00:20:15,284 --> 00:20:17,527 Die, bad robots. Die! 213 00:20:19,081 --> 00:20:22,083 -With a dry, cool wit like that... -Who'd think that visiting... 214 00:20:22,251 --> 00:20:25,336 ...Itchy & Scratchy Land would be our best vacation ever? 215 00:20:25,505 --> 00:20:28,958 -Yeah, best ever. -Are you two bonkers? 216 00:20:29,135 --> 00:20:32,718 We almost got killed. Not to mention all the embarrassment I suffered. 217 00:20:32,889 --> 00:20:35,381 But, Mom, it's exactly what you wanted in a vacation. 218 00:20:35,559 --> 00:20:39,641 It brought us together as a family, we got a lot of good exercise outdoors... 219 00:20:39,815 --> 00:20:41,772 ...and we have so many memories. 220 00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:45,486 You know, you're right. This truly was the best vacation ever. 221 00:20:45,655 --> 00:20:47,364 Now, let us never speak of it again. 222 00:20:48,742 --> 00:20:52,160 As Roger Meyers Jr., the owner of the park, I'd like to thank you... 223 00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:54,075 ...for stopping the killer robots. 224 00:20:54,249 --> 00:20:57,038 And to show my appreciation, here are two free passes. 225 00:20:57,211 --> 00:20:59,620 -There are five of us. -Here are two free passes. 226 00:20:59,798 --> 00:21:03,251 -That's better. -Man, if this is happening here... 227 00:21:03,427 --> 00:21:07,011 ...I hate to think what's happening in Euro-Itchy & Scratchy Land. 228 00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:14,769 Hello. Itchy & Scratchy Land, open for business. 229 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,064 Who are you to resist it, huh? 230 00:21:18,237 --> 00:21:21,240 Come on, my last paycheck bounced. 231 00:21:21,408 --> 00:21:23,568 My children need wine. 232 00:21:32,171 --> 00:21:35,091 I hope you realize now that violence on TV may be funny... 233 00:21:35,258 --> 00:21:38,297 ...but it's not so funny when that violence is happening to you. 234 00:21:38,471 --> 00:21:41,509 But it would be funny to someone who was watching us. 235 00:21:41,683 --> 00:21:44,389 No, Mom. He's right. Observe. 236 00:21:48,650 --> 00:21:51,937 Oh, my. Lisa, go to your room.