1 00:00:04,101 --> 00:00:07,400 " The Simpsons " 2 00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:07,489 D'oh! 3 00:01:42,533 --> 00:01:46,196 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Up Late With McBain. 4 00:01:46,303 --> 00:01:49,431 I'm your announcer, Obergruppenfuehrer Wolfcastle. 5 00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:52,236 And here's McBain! 6 00:01:57,881 --> 00:02:00,975 Ja. Thank you. Ja. That's nice. 7 00:02:01,085 --> 00:02:03,986 Let's say hello to my music guy, Scoey. 8 00:02:06,690 --> 00:02:08,715 That is some outfit, Scoey. 9 00:02:08,826 --> 00:02:11,727 It makes you look like a homosexual. 10 00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:13,729 Oh. 11 00:02:13,831 --> 00:02:17,961 Maybe you all are homosexuals too. 12 00:02:18,068 --> 00:02:19,968 This is horrible. 13 00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:22,903 The Fox network has sunk to a new low. 14 00:02:23,007 --> 00:02:25,339 Lisa, you got a letter. 15 00:02:25,442 --> 00:02:28,002 It's from my pen pal, Anya. 16 00:02:28,112 --> 00:02:31,548 Dear Lisa--As I write this, I am very sad. 17 00:02:31,648 --> 00:02:34,310 Our president has been overthrown and-- 18 00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:37,581 Replaced by the benevolent General Krull. 19 00:02:37,688 --> 00:02:41,055 All hail Krull and his glorious new regime.! 20 00:02:41,158 --> 00:02:43,217 Sincerely, Little Girl. 21 00:02:43,327 --> 00:02:46,319 - Oh. - You got a letter too, Bart. 22 00:02:47,931 --> 00:02:51,799 ''I'm going to kill you.'' 23 00:03:11,622 --> 00:03:14,682 " The Itchy and Scratchy Show " 24 00:03:22,766 --> 00:03:25,963 Huh? Oh! 25 00:03:27,838 --> 00:03:31,001 Oh! 26 00:03:34,678 --> 00:03:37,306 Ah! 27 00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:41,643 Ahh! 28 00:03:59,903 --> 00:04:01,200 Bart, what's wrong with you? 29 00:04:03,574 --> 00:04:07,203 Oh, my God. Someone's trying to kill me! Eh! 30 00:04:07,311 --> 00:04:10,610 Oh, wait. It's for Bart. 31 00:04:14,051 --> 00:04:16,611 Hmm, this one's done in different handwriting. 32 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,620 Oh, uh, I wrote that one... 33 00:04:18,722 --> 00:04:22,852 after Bart somehow put this tattoo on my butt. 34 00:04:26,964 --> 00:04:28,488 Ha-ha! 35 00:04:28,599 --> 00:04:30,760 But who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace. 36 00:04:30,868 --> 00:04:32,392 It's probably the person you least suspect. 37 00:04:39,343 --> 00:04:40,310 That's good, Dad. 38 00:04:40,377 --> 00:04:42,140 I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit. 39 00:04:42,246 --> 00:04:45,477 It's probably that evil Gavin MacLeod or George ''Goober'' Lindsey. 40 00:04:45,582 --> 00:04:47,812 Grampa, Matlock's not real. 41 00:04:47,918 --> 00:04:51,479 Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob... 42 00:04:51,588 --> 00:04:54,421 if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. 43 00:04:54,525 --> 00:04:56,425 Now that's good eatin'! 44 00:04:59,563 --> 00:05:03,465 Oh, I checked around. The girls are calling you ''fatty-fat fat fat''... 45 00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:05,694 and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants. 46 00:05:05,802 --> 00:05:08,168 But nobody's trying to kill ya. 47 00:05:08,272 --> 00:05:11,673 Oh, that's good. 48 00:05:11,775 --> 00:05:14,767 Fatty-fat fat fat. Fatty-fatty fat fat. 49 00:05:14,878 --> 00:05:17,608 All right. This is dedicated to Bart Simpson... 50 00:05:17,714 --> 00:05:21,980 with a message: ''I am coming to kill you slowly and painfully.'' 51 00:05:22,085 --> 00:05:24,986 Wipeout. 52 00:05:34,665 --> 00:05:37,634 Bart, I'm going to get you-- 53 00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:39,998 some ice cream at the store... 54 00:05:40,103 --> 00:05:42,628 since I'm saving so much money on diet cola. 55 00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:48,904 Say your prayers, Simpson. 56 00:05:49,012 --> 00:05:52,743 Because the schools can't force you like they should. 57 00:05:56,119 --> 00:06:01,455 Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church. 58 00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:10,699 You're going to be my murder victim, Bart... 59 00:06:10,801 --> 00:06:12,928 in our school production of Lizzie Borden. 60 00:06:13,036 --> 00:06:14,936 Starring Martin Prince as Lizzie. 61 00:06:15,038 --> 00:06:17,836 Forty whacks with a wet noodle, Bart. 62 00:06:17,941 --> 00:06:20,671 I'd like to help you, ma'am, but-- 63 00:06:20,777 --> 00:06:23,507 I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters. 64 00:06:23,614 --> 00:06:26,105 - I'm pretty sure there is. - Ha! 65 00:06:26,216 --> 00:06:28,810 The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle-- 66 00:06:28,919 --> 00:06:31,717 - Uh, hey, she's right, Chief. - Well, shut my mouth. 67 00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:36,759 It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. 68 00:06:40,897 --> 00:06:42,797 Boys, knock it off. 69 00:06:44,901 --> 00:06:46,994 Bart, I figured it out. 70 00:06:47,104 --> 00:06:50,369 Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years? 71 00:06:50,474 --> 00:06:53,705 - Linda Lavin? - No, someone who didn't deserve it. 72 00:06:53,810 --> 00:06:56,711 Hello, Moe? 73 00:06:56,813 --> 00:07:00,874 We know you're the one behind this, so knock it off, or we're going to the cops! 74 00:07:00,984 --> 00:07:03,350 No, no, I'll take care of it. 75 00:07:03,453 --> 00:07:06,650 Okay, it's over. Get 'em outta here! 76 00:07:06,757 --> 00:07:08,657 Ha! Ha! Hmm! Hmm! 77 00:07:11,528 --> 00:07:14,156 You're out there somewhere. 78 00:07:14,264 --> 00:07:17,529 But where? Where? 79 00:07:37,988 --> 00:07:40,320 Dear Life in These United States, 80 00:07:40,424 --> 00:07:42,324 A funny thing happened to me-- 81 00:07:42,426 --> 00:07:44,917 Eh, oh! 82 00:07:45,028 --> 00:07:47,519 Use a pen, Sideshow Bob. 83 00:07:59,843 --> 00:08:01,970 Parole granted. 84 00:08:02,079 --> 00:08:04,343 Next up for parole, Bob Terwilliger, 85 00:08:04,448 --> 00:08:06,348 a.k.a. Sideshow Bob. 86 00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:09,385 Take care, Snake. May the next time we meet... 87 00:08:09,486 --> 00:08:13,388 - be under more felicitous circumstances. - Ga? 88 00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:15,617 - Take care. - Ba. 89 00:08:15,726 --> 00:08:18,661 Sideshow Bob has no decency. 90 00:08:18,762 --> 00:08:21,230 He called me ''Chief Piggum.'' 91 00:08:21,331 --> 00:08:24,459 Oh, now I get it. 92 00:08:24,568 --> 00:08:26,468 That's good. 93 00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:31,269 Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon. 94 00:08:31,375 --> 00:08:35,641 How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now? 95 00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:39,778 Be honest. 96 00:08:44,187 --> 00:08:47,850 Ah, she's always leaving the toilet seat up. 97 00:08:47,958 --> 00:08:50,518 Robert, if released... 98 00:08:50,627 --> 00:08:53,858 would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson? 99 00:08:53,964 --> 00:08:56,057 Bart Simpson? 100 00:08:56,166 --> 00:09:00,364 The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes... 101 00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:05,464 and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hellhole? 102 00:09:05,575 --> 00:09:08,510 Uh, we object to the term ''urine-soaked hellhole''... 103 00:09:08,612 --> 00:09:11,376 when you could have said ''peepee-soaked heckhole.'' 104 00:09:11,481 --> 00:09:15,178 - Cheerfully withdrawn. - What about that tattoo on your chest? 105 00:09:15,285 --> 00:09:17,685 Doesn't it say ''Die, Bart, Die''? 106 00:09:17,788 --> 00:09:20,279 No, that's German for--- 107 00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:22,290 ''The Bart, The.'' 108 00:09:24,828 --> 00:09:27,729 No one who speaks German can be an evil man. 109 00:09:27,831 --> 00:09:29,799 Parole granted. 110 00:09:37,374 --> 00:09:39,399 Wow.! The ''pooblic libary. '' 111 00:09:39,509 --> 00:09:41,477 Let's stay here for a while, Vern. 112 00:09:47,851 --> 00:09:50,342 Oh, that man is so rude. 113 00:09:50,454 --> 00:09:52,581 Yeah. 114 00:09:55,926 --> 00:09:58,827 If you don't mind, we're trying to watch the mov-- 115 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:01,591 Hey, Vern. Help me get my head out of this toilet. 116 00:10:08,438 --> 00:10:10,269 Oh, really now, that's too much. 117 00:10:10,373 --> 00:10:12,364 It's Sideshow Bob! 118 00:10:12,476 --> 00:10:15,206 - You wrote me those letters. - You awful man! 119 00:10:15,312 --> 00:10:19,544 - Stay away from my son. - Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right. 120 00:10:19,649 --> 00:10:22,117 Stay away... forever. 121 00:10:22,219 --> 00:10:24,744 - Oh, no! - Wait a minute. That's no good. 122 00:10:32,062 --> 00:10:35,520 Wait. I've got a good one now. Marge, say ''Stay away from my son'' again. 123 00:10:35,632 --> 00:10:38,362 No! 124 00:10:49,045 --> 00:10:52,708 - And turn and flex. - And shake and bounce and turn. 125 00:10:52,816 --> 00:10:55,216 And flex and shake and bounce. 126 00:11:03,059 --> 00:11:06,460 Now Sideshow Bob can't get in without me knowing. 127 00:11:06,563 --> 00:11:09,532 And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him... 128 00:11:09,633 --> 00:11:12,898 - is nice and legal. - Is that so? 129 00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:17,440 Oh, Flanders, won't you join me in my kitchen? 130 00:11:18,742 --> 00:11:20,175 - Uh, doesn't work if you invite him. - Hidilly-hey! 131 00:11:27,050 --> 00:11:29,143 Now don't you fret. When I'm through... 132 00:11:29,252 --> 00:11:31,015 he won't set foot in this town again. 133 00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:35,080 I can be very, very persuasive. 134 00:11:37,093 --> 00:11:39,288 - Come on! Leave town! - No. 135 00:11:39,396 --> 00:11:41,296 - I'll be your friend. - No. 136 00:11:41,398 --> 00:11:43,298 Oh, you're mean. 137 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,800 The following neighborhood residents... 138 00:11:45,902 --> 00:11:49,463 will not be killed by me: Ned Flanders... 139 00:11:49,573 --> 00:11:52,667 - Maude Flanders. - Oh, isn't that nice? 140 00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:55,677 Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson... 141 00:11:55,779 --> 00:11:58,680 Lisa Simpson, that little baby Simpson. 142 00:11:58,782 --> 00:12:02,240 - That is all. - Whoo-hoo! Did you hear, Bart? 143 00:12:02,352 --> 00:12:04,752 Eh-- Oh. 144 00:12:09,826 --> 00:12:12,624 Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson. We've helped hundreds of people in danger. 145 00:12:12,729 --> 00:12:15,562 We'll give you a new name, a new job, new identities. 146 00:12:15,665 --> 00:12:18,463 Whoo! I wanna beJohn Elway. 147 00:12:20,704 --> 00:12:24,071 Elway takes the snap and runs it in for a touchdown.! 148 00:12:24,174 --> 00:12:26,608 Thanks to Elway's patented last-second magic... 149 00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:28,940 the fnal score of Super Bowl XXX-- 150 00:12:29,045 --> 00:12:32,173 Denver, 7 San Francisco, 56. 151 00:12:32,282 --> 00:12:35,479 - Whoo-hoo! - I don't think this is such a good idea. 152 00:12:35,585 --> 00:12:38,110 This isn't just because of Sideshow Bob. 153 00:12:38,221 --> 00:12:40,815 It's a chance to turn around all our stinkin' lives. 154 00:12:40,924 --> 00:12:43,586 I'll be Gus, the loveable chimney sweep. 155 00:12:43,693 --> 00:12:45,593 Clean as a whistle. Sharp as a thistle. 156 00:12:45,695 --> 00:12:48,357 - Best in all Westminster. Yeah! - Shut up, boy. 157 00:12:48,465 --> 00:12:51,525 We have places your family can hide in peace and security. 158 00:12:51,635 --> 00:12:55,867 Cape Fear, Terror Lake, New Horrorfield, Screamville. 159 00:12:55,972 --> 00:12:58,532 - Ooh, Ice Creamville. - No, Screamville. 160 00:12:58,642 --> 00:13:00,542 Tell you what, sir. 161 00:13:00,644 --> 00:13:04,171 From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. 162 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,180 Let's just practice a bit, hmm? 163 00:13:06,282 --> 00:13:09,683 When I say, ''Hello, Mr. Thompson,'' you'll say, ''Hi.'' 164 00:13:09,786 --> 00:13:13,119 - Check. - Hello, Mr. Thompson. 165 00:13:13,223 --> 00:13:16,522 Remember now-- your name is Homer Thompson. 166 00:13:16,626 --> 00:13:18,856 - I gotcha. - Hello, Mr. Thompson. 167 00:13:23,433 --> 00:13:27,426 Now, when I say, ''Hello, Mr. Thompson''... 168 00:13:27,537 --> 00:13:31,303 and press down on your foot, you smile and nod. 169 00:13:31,408 --> 00:13:34,536 - No problem. - Hello, Mr. Thompson. 170 00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:40,314 I think he's talking to you. 171 00:13:41,651 --> 00:13:44,745 - Here you go. - Oh, what a cute convertible. 172 00:13:44,854 --> 00:13:47,084 You guys at the bureau thought of everything. 173 00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:52,059 Hey, look! The F.B.I. Light Opera Society Sings the Complete Gilbert and Sullivan. 174 00:13:55,498 --> 00:13:57,591 "Three little maids from school are we " 175 00:13:57,701 --> 00:13:59,601 " Pert as a schoolgirl well can be " 176 00:13:59,703 --> 00:14:03,469 " Filled to the brim with girlish glee three little girls from school " 177 00:14:03,573 --> 00:14:07,805 " Everything is a source of fun " 178 00:14:10,447 --> 00:14:13,507 Eh, lousy speed bumps. 179 00:14:13,616 --> 00:14:16,414 Ooh! Whoa! Hey! 180 00:14:16,519 --> 00:14:20,250 Oh, this coffee's too hot! 181 00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:27,561 Hey, kids, wanna drive through that cactus patch? 182 00:14:27,664 --> 00:14:29,564 - Yeah! - Yeah! 183 00:14:29,666 --> 00:14:32,157 - No.! - Whoop, two against one. 184 00:14:41,144 --> 00:14:44,113 " The Thompsons " 185 00:14:59,496 --> 00:15:02,090 Wow, a houseboat. 186 00:15:02,198 --> 00:15:04,860 You know, the great thing is, if you don't like your neighbors... 187 00:15:04,968 --> 00:15:08,165 you can just pull up the anchor and sail someplace else. 188 00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:53,748 - Homer, where's the dog? - I tied him up out back. 189 00:15:59,422 --> 00:16:01,686 We've left it all behind. 190 00:16:01,791 --> 00:16:05,158 How can you make a clean break with your life? 191 00:16:05,261 --> 00:16:09,664 Relax, Marge. I tied up all the loose ends before we left. 192 00:16:10,767 --> 00:16:14,794 Hello! Hello! 193 00:16:14,904 --> 00:16:17,532 You have my pills! 194 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,974 Hello? I'm cold, and there are wolves after me. 195 00:16:28,952 --> 00:16:30,977 Hello, Bart. 196 00:16:32,355 --> 00:16:34,255 Down here, Bart. 197 00:16:35,892 --> 00:16:37,792 Ow! 198 00:16:37,894 --> 00:16:40,260 - What do you want? - Surely there's no harm... 199 00:16:40,363 --> 00:16:42,524 in laying in the middle of a public street. 200 00:16:49,305 --> 00:16:51,535 Not the elephants! 201 00:17:07,924 --> 00:17:10,620 Ahh! 202 00:17:10,727 --> 00:17:13,958 Mom, Dad! I saw Sideshow Bob, and he threatened to kill me! 203 00:17:14,063 --> 00:17:17,089 - Bart, don't interrupt! - Homer, this is serious. 204 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,327 Oh, it is not. 205 00:17:23,506 --> 00:17:27,135 Roman numeral three: Surprise boy in bed-- 206 00:17:29,245 --> 00:17:32,908 and, uh, disembowel him. 207 00:17:33,016 --> 00:17:36,577 No, I don't like that ''bowel'' in there. Gut him. 208 00:17:36,686 --> 00:17:38,881 Ah, le motjuste. 209 00:17:45,495 --> 00:17:48,157 - Bart, you want some brownie before you go to bed? 210 00:17:48,264 --> 00:17:50,824 Come on. Let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot. 211 00:17:50,934 --> 00:17:54,426 Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now. 212 00:17:54,537 --> 00:17:58,496 I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher knife. 213 00:17:58,608 --> 00:18:03,841 Why? Oh, right. The Sideshow Bob thing. 214 00:18:03,947 --> 00:18:06,973 Oh, I'm sorry, boy. 215 00:18:08,785 --> 00:18:11,686 Bart, do you want to see my new chainsaw and hockey mask? 216 00:18:11,788 --> 00:18:14,723 Oh, sorry. 217 00:18:14,824 --> 00:18:16,724 What am I thinking? 218 00:18:35,278 --> 00:18:38,338 Hello, Bart. 219 00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:41,849 - Mom! Dad! - Your family can't help you now. 220 00:18:45,555 --> 00:18:49,047 - Oh, no, Dad's been drugged. - No, he hasn't. 221 00:19:00,136 --> 00:19:02,900 Uh-oh. 222 00:19:05,475 --> 00:19:08,774 Oh! 223 00:19:11,247 --> 00:19:13,181 Oh, yeah. 224 00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:17,378 Well, Bart, any last requests? 225 00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:19,853 Well, there is one, but-- 226 00:19:21,524 --> 00:19:24,049 - Nah. - No, go on. 227 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,288 Well, you have such a beautiful voice. 228 00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:30,161 - Guilty as charged. - Uh-huh. 229 00:19:30,266 --> 00:19:34,862 Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the H.M.S. Pinafore. 230 00:19:34,971 --> 00:19:36,871 Very well, Bart. 231 00:19:36,973 --> 00:19:41,808 I shall send you to heaven before I send you to hell. 232 00:19:41,911 --> 00:19:45,608 And a-two, and a-three, and-- "We sail the ocean blue " 233 00:19:45,715 --> 00:19:47,706 "And our saucy ship's a beauty " 234 00:19:47,817 --> 00:19:52,652 "We are sober men and true and attentive to our duty " 235 00:19:52,755 --> 00:19:55,553 " I'm called Little Buttercup " 236 00:19:55,658 --> 00:19:58,024 " Poor Little Buttercup " 237 00:19:58,127 --> 00:20:01,790 "Though I could never tell why " 238 00:20:01,898 --> 00:20:05,231 "What, never? No, never " 239 00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:07,427 "What, never " 240 00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:12,474 " Hardly ever He's hardly ever sick at sea " 241 00:20:12,575 --> 00:20:17,444 "For he himselfhas said it " 242 00:20:17,547 --> 00:20:22,610 "And it's clearly to his credit " 243 00:20:22,718 --> 00:20:27,155 "That he is an Englishman " 244 00:20:27,256 --> 00:20:33,627 " He remains an E-E-E-En " 245 00:20:33,729 --> 00:20:35,856 " Glish " 246 00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:38,991 " Man " 247 00:20:48,945 --> 00:20:51,880 And now... the final curtain. 248 00:20:58,121 --> 00:21:02,080 Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest. 249 00:21:02,191 --> 00:21:04,659 By Lucifer's beard! 250 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:08,787 Ah, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel. 251 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,300 I knew I had to buy some time... 252 00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:16,132 so I asked him to sing the score from the H.M.S. Pinafore. 253 00:21:16,239 --> 00:21:19,902 Ooh, a plan fiendishly clever in its intricacies. 254 00:21:20,009 --> 00:21:21,636 Take him away, boys. 255 00:21:21,744 --> 00:21:24,907 Hey, I'm the chief here. Bake him away, toys. 256 00:21:25,014 --> 00:21:27,744 - What'd you say, Chief? - Do what the kid says. 257 00:21:30,686 --> 00:21:34,816 Mm, it's so good to be home again. 258 00:21:34,891 --> 00:21:36,153 Look what happened without my pills! 259 00:21:42,899 --> 00:21:43,456 Bart, run upstairs! Get Grampa's medicine. 260 00:21:43,566 --> 00:21:46,501 Not so fast. I wanna court this fair,young maiden. 261 00:21:46,602 --> 00:21:48,797 There's somethin'you should know about me. 262 00:21:48,905 --> 00:21:51,066 I've got Steve and Eydie tickets. 263 00:21:51,174 --> 00:21:53,543 I'm all yours.!