1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,916 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,968 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,393 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,526 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,909 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:43,379 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,458 (tires screech) 8 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,178 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,891 (horn honks) 10 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,271 (tires screech) 11 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,725 -Aah! -(tires screech) 13 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:11,818 (growling) 14 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,252 {\an8}Hey, Homer, let's book! 15 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,844 {\an8}I want to get there in time to whip eggs at the warm-up act. 16 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,840 {\an8}Wow, my concert-going jacket still fits. 17 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,684 {\an8}And this is where I used to hide my beer. 18 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,840 {\an8}(gasps) 19 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,048 {\an8}Billy beer! 20 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,640 {\an8}(gulping) 21 00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:42,483 {\an8}My little guy's first rock concert. 22 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,020 {\an8}I hope The Spinal Taps don't play too loud. 23 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,435 {\an8}Oh Marge, I went to thousands of heavy metal concerts 24 00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:49,284 {\an8}and it never hurt me. 25 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:54,319 {\an8}(loud, high-pitched ringing drowning out Marge's voice) 26 00:01:57,992 --> 00:02:00,792 {\an8}I hear you. Come on, boy. 27 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,000 {\an8}There goes Davy Crockett 28 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,500 {\an8}in his bald-skin cap. 29 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:04,671 {\an8}(laughing) 30 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:07,039 {\an8}(growling) 31 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,167 {\an8}D.J.: In other Spinal Tap news 32 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,514 {\an8}Mayor Quimby honored the aging super group 33 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,758 {\an8}in a ceremony at City Hall. 34 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,301 {\an8}D.J. #2: I guess you could say he was trying to "Tap" into the 35 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,094 {\an8}"spines" of the young voters, huh? 36 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:19,097 {\an8}D.J.: Uh, yeah. Let's play the tape. 37 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,520 (honking horn) 38 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:25,309 Hey, Milhouse, cool jacket. 39 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,395 It cost me 50,000 Bazooka Joe comics. 40 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:32,317 Now just meet me back here after the show. 41 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:33,492 Thanks, Dad. 42 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,030 Sure you're not gonna be bored? 43 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,743 Boy, some of the best times I've ever had 44 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,744 were in the back seat of a car. 45 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,536 (chuckling) 46 00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:42,999 (shocks squeaking) 47 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,539 HOMER: Ohhh... 48 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,582 Oh, baby. 49 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,416 (grunting with pleasure) 50 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,173 Ahh. 51 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,587 Official tour '92 T-shirts, $31. 52 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,256 Check it out-- 53 00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,554 Spinal Tap kicking Moammar Gadhafy 54 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:00,717 in the butt. 55 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,095 The timeless classic, now 2 for $1. 56 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,733 Hey, hey, hey, Bill and Marty here. 57 00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,269 And we're backstage rapping with the Tap. 58 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,443 Fellas, I'm gonna hit you with a phrase that has dogged you 59 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:10,902 throughout your career-- 60 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,612 "Washed up." 61 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:16,032 Yet here you are, among the top 105 concert acts today. 62 00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:17,412 What's your secret, guys? 63 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:19,778 Well, after the Berlin Wall fell, 64 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,276 our records started selling 65 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,077 on the dismal side of the Iron Curtain, 66 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,161 and naturally that gave us a boost. 67 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,706 We're very big in Bulgaria, and what's-his-name? 68 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:27,749 The other Garia. 69 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,292 -Hungaria? -Yeah, whatever. 70 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,535 I can't think of anyone who's benefitted 71 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,798 more from the death of Communism than us. 72 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,800 Maybe the people who actually live in the communist countries. 73 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:39,092 Oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that. I bet you're right. 74 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:42,137 On the other hand, each of us just bought our own soccer team. 75 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,062 How many Hungarios can say that, eh? 76 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,680 Test... test... 77 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,605 Gee, I'm sorry, man. 78 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:51,608 Huh? 79 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,229 About the Frisbee. 80 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,776 Frisbee? 81 00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,189 Say, guys, I wonder if you'd mind 82 00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,817 recording a couple of promos for us? 83 00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,034 Like what? 84 00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:00,663 Maybe you could say 85 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,200 "Nobody rocks like Bill and Marty on KBBL." 86 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,834 We don't know that, do we? 87 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,201 What if somebody rocks as good as you? 88 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:07,617 Or better. I mean... 89 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,245 We don't want to look stupid. 90 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:10,922 Okay, we can respect that. 91 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,880 How about, "Rock-a-doodle-doo! 92 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:14,211 You're listening to Bill and Marty"? 93 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,045 -Yeah, sure. -That's good, yeah. 94 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,840 (chanting) Tap! Tap! Tap! 95 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,755 I just looked out there, and there's puddles of water 96 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,433 all over the freakin' stage. 97 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,062 Well, I don't want to lie to you boys. 98 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,929 Six days a week the place is a hockey rink. 99 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:28,976 Well, this is a rock concert 100 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,770 not the bleedin'... splish-splash show. 101 00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,064 Ladies and gentlemen, 102 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,067 boys and girls... 103 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,609 Duff beer, in association with Laramie cigarettes, 104 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:41,914 is proud to welcome Spinal Tap! 105 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:48,040 ♪ We are the children who grew too fast ♪ 106 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:57,880 ♪ We are the dust of a future past ♪ 107 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:06,505 ♪ We raise our voices in the night ♪ 108 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:09,887 ♪ Crying to heaven ♪ 109 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:15,321 ♪ And will our voices be heard ♪ 110 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,228 ♪ Or will they break like the wind? ♪ 111 00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,197 Medium setting. 112 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,951 (jazz music playing) 113 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,873 (humming to radio tune) 114 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,538 (playing instrumental break) 115 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,183 Thank you! 116 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,595 (squealing) 117 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,521 (grunting) 118 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,520 All right! 119 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:55,442 This morning we were driving down... 120 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,651 Route 401... 121 00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,532 (loud cheering) 122 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,399 That's only four miles from my house! 123 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,406 And we thought they knew how to rock in Shelbyville. 124 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,779 (jeering) 125 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,735 But nobody rocks like... 126 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,905 Springfield! 127 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,794 (wild cheering) 128 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:15,331 (playing hard rock intro) 129 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:28,353 Well, it seems some silly twit 130 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,809 did not get a big enough oxygen pump, 131 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,890 but that's supposed to be a devil. 132 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,805 Filled up with air, it's very evil and impressive. 133 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:40,355 We salute you, our half-inflated dark lord! 134 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,401 -Oy! -Oy! 135 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,565 CROWD: Oy! 136 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,533 (playing solo) 137 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,449 (cheering) 138 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,995 You know, people think there are only five members of Spinal Tap, 139 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,290 but they are wrong. 140 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,794 (coughing) 141 00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:00,916 Could we turn up the house lights, please? 142 00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,423 That was the cue to turn up the house lights 143 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,045 so we can tell the audience 144 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,222 they're the sixth member of the freakin' group! 145 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,010 We are trying to put a tiny thrill 146 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,894 into their gray little lives. 147 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,011 Oh, forget it. 148 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,347 Turn on the lasers. 149 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,850 Aah! My vision. 150 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,766 That's it. Show's over. 151 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,185 Good night, Springden. 152 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,113 There will be no encores. 153 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:27,161 (confused, angry chattering) 154 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,818 They were only on for 20 minutes. 155 00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,776 What a gyp. 156 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,827 Gnarly show, man. 157 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,290 Want to trash the stage? 158 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,750 Okay. 159 00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,541 Aah! 160 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:41,004 ♪ There was a little Spanish flea ♪ 161 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:43,835 ♪ A record star he thought he'd be ♪ 162 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,841 ♪ He heard of singers like Beatles ♪ 163 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:48,683 ♪ the Chipmunks he'd seen on TV... ♪ 164 00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:50,849 ♪ Why not a little Spanish flea? ♪ 165 00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:52,218 ♪ And so he... ♪ 166 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,230 KENT BROCKMAN: Tonight, a city weeps. 167 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,189 As for the first time ever, 168 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,809 a hockey arena becomes a scene of violence, 169 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,187 following a concert by Spinal Tap. 170 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,864 Mmm, I hope my poor little baby's okay. 171 00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,243 See for yourself. 172 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,910 {\an8}(Bart yelling) 173 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,028 {\an8}Unh! 174 00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:11,574 (gasps) 175 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,367 Of course it would be wrong to suggest 176 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,411 that this sort of mayhem began with rock and roll. 177 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,205 After all, there were riots 178 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,458 at the premiere of Mozart's The Magic Flute. 179 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,790 So, what's the answer-- ban all music? 180 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:25,336 In this reporter's opinion, the answer, sadly is yes. 181 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:26,461 BART: Hi, Mom. 182 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,467 Oh... 183 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,589 Oh, thank God. 184 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,885 Mom, I want to be a rock star. 185 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,889 Mm... we'll discuss it later. 186 00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:36,601 Is Milhouse okay? 187 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,942 Uh... I'll be right back. 188 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,098 (door slams) 189 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,846 (tires screeching) 190 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:45,318 Help! Help! 191 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:52,952 (humming) 192 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,702 Homer, I've been thinking about what Bart said. 193 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,035 If he's really interested in being a musician 194 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,910 maybe we should buy him a guitar. 195 00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:01,957 That's a waste of money. We already have a guitar. 196 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:05,341 (playing "Pop Goes the Weasel") 197 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,259 I meant a real guitar. 198 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:08,508 This is real. 199 00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,509 (hollow plastic knocking) 200 00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:12,761 Wow! 201 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,643 And it came with a free instruction book. 202 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,391 Now boy, we spent a lot of money 203 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:20,143 so you'd better get real good, real fast, or pow! 204 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,726 Homer! 205 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,151 Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him? 206 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,520 (heavy metal guitar playing) 207 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,107 (Cockney accent) I'd like to play me latest chart topper. 208 00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:29,402 It's called 209 00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:31,945 "Me Fans Are Stupid Pigs." 210 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,291 (groaning) 211 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:38,538 Bart, you've got to go on. 212 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:39,659 Slag off. 213 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,365 You've changed, man. 214 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,785 You used to be about the music. 215 00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:46,924 I said slag off! 216 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,169 Cool! 217 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,177 (playing sour notes) 218 00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:56,929 (skillfully playing the blues) 219 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,643 -Knock it off. -I'm sorry. 220 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,683 (playing sour notes) 221 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:04,146 (skillfully playing the blues) 222 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:06,148 Knock it off! 223 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,520 I's just jammin' with ya. 224 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,688 (playing sour notes) 225 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,357 Hey, Simpson what are you trying to play? 226 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,027 "Polly-Wolly Doodle." 227 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:19,365 Oh, yeah? Well, it sounds Polly-Wolly crappy. 228 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,702 Ha-ha! 229 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:21,656 Burn. 230 00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,075 Hey, cherry ax, Bart dude. 231 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,876 I think it's broken. 232 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,749 Oh, really? Give it here. 233 00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:32,716 (playing heavy metal licks like a pro) 234 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,681 (cheering) 235 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,846 I didn't know you played the guitar, Otto man. 236 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,225 Hey, that's all I did in high school. 237 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,613 My old man said I was wasting my time 238 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,150 and I'd never amount to anything. 239 00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,573 (laughing) 240 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,533 I, uh... hmm. 241 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,493 Now I'd like to slow things down a little bit. 242 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:02,794 ♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪ 243 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:06,920 ♪ Would you still remember me? ♪ 244 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,789 (horns honking) 245 00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:11,086 ♪ ...and this bird cannot change ♪ 246 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,590 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa... ♪ 247 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,472 Although I'm sure 248 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,628 I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus mates, 249 00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:18,177 I must remind you 250 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,060 we should have been at school ten minutes ago... Ah!! 251 00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:24,178 Uh-oh. Better fasten your seat belts, little dudes. 252 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:25,596 We don't have seat belts. 253 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,935 Uh... well, then just try to go limp. 254 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,150 (tires squealing) 255 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,941 Better take a shortcut. 256 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,904 (kids screaming) 257 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:38,945 Good show last night. 258 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,871 Yeah, quite good. 259 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,280 (kids screaming) 260 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,035 (screaming) 261 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:54,377 Good Lord! Did anyone get the license number? 262 00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,383 -Gee, I forgot. -I don't think so. 263 00:11:56,465 --> 00:12:00,505 (screaming) 264 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,177 -Yay! -Whee! 265 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,518 It's a miracle no one was hurt. 266 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,193 I stand on my record-- 267 00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:14,022 15 crashes and not a single fatality. 268 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,028 Let's see your license, pal. 269 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,490 No can do. Never got one. 270 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,031 But, if you need proof of my identity, 271 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,914 I wrote my name on my underwear. 272 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:24,161 Oh, wait-- these aren't mine. 273 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,663 Well that tears it. 274 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,115 Until you get a license and wear your own underwear, 275 00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,115 mister, you are suspended without pay. 276 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,577 Who's gonna drive the bus? 277 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,877 I drove an all-terrain vehicle in Da Nang. 278 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,841 I think I can handle it. 279 00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,011 Where's Otto? 280 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,931 Otto? 281 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,890 That's one palindrome you won't be hearing for a while. 282 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:43,930 (gasps) 283 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,563 Off we go. 284 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,940 ♪ Hail to the bus driver, bus driver, bus driver ♪ 285 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:53,399 ♪ Hail to the bus driver, bus driver man ♪ 286 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,441 ♪ He drinks and he cusses ♪ 287 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,944 ♪ He stinks up the buses ♪ 288 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:01,357 ♪ Hail to the bus driver, bus driver man ♪ 289 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,237 (laughing) 290 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:05,736 Oh, there's an opening. 291 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,116 Oh, too late. 292 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,503 Nope, nope... 293 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,290 Uh... that would be cutting it a little close. 294 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:13,503 I think you have to be more aggressive, sir. 295 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,214 Nonsense. 296 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:18,674 One of our good citizens will slow down and wave me in. 297 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,176 (humming "Bus Driver Man") 298 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:22,678 Nope... 299 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,260 (humming) 300 00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,642 (gruff laughter) 301 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:29,934 What's so funny? 302 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,767 I was just thinking about the time 303 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,062 Homer caught his nose in the toaster. 304 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,106 We'll watch the tape tonight. 305 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,780 Oh look, you got someone at your window. 306 00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,318 My name's Patty. 307 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,111 I'll be testing you. 308 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,605 When you do good, I use the green pen. 309 00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:46,197 When you do bad, I use the red pen. 310 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,703 Any questions? 311 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,325 Yeah, one: have you always been a chick? 312 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,332 I don't want to offend you, 313 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,334 but you were born a man, weren't you? 314 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,336 You can tell me. I'm open-minded. 315 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,548 I won't be needing this. 316 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,771 All right! Yeah! 317 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,229 So, how did I do? 318 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,388 Well, you failed every segment 319 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,857 and misspelled "bus" on your application. 320 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,148 Drag. 321 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,282 Let me in. Let me in! 322 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,609 -(horn honks) -♪ He steps on the clutch ♪ 323 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,025 ♪ And the toilet goes flush. Hail to the...♪ 324 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,574 Shut up! 325 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,290 (groaning) 326 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,504 Hey, landlord, some clown changed my locks 327 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,256 padlocked the door, and put up an eviction notice. 328 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,298 Yeah. That was me. 329 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:44,342 You? 330 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,795 Well, uh... why? 331 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,925 Because you haven't paid your rent. 332 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,812 Can I at least get my stuff? 333 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,099 All I found in there was a jar of mustard 334 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:54,732 and a couple of old Cycle magazines. 335 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,150 Wow! I had mustard? 336 00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:58,729 Rough day, Apu. 337 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,324 Pump me a Squishee and don't spare the syrup. 338 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,860 Perhaps you'd like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction-- 339 00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,405 a delicious chutney Squishee. 340 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,369 Uh... okay. 341 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,040 You can really taste the chutney. 342 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:16,416 (spitting) 343 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:19,254 Ow! 344 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,455 Otto man? 345 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,304 You're living in a dumpster? 346 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,169 Oh, man, I wish. 347 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:27,426 Dumpster brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. 348 00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:30,469 This is just a Trash-co waste disposal unit. 349 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,064 Otto, why don't you come home with me? 350 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,719 You can stay in our garage. 351 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:35,387 A garage! 352 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,646 Somebody up there likes me. 353 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,608 (Otto groaning) 354 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,822 (snoring) 355 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,203 (loud guitar music playing) 356 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,240 ♪ I feel like rockin', so I think I will ♪ 357 00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:01,171 ♪ I'll rock it, rock it, rock it till I get my fill, yeah ♪ 358 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:04,249 Whoo! 359 00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:08,511 Hey. 360 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:10,392 Bart, what's going on? 361 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,299 Mom, I thought you might forget 362 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,308 our little conversation this afternoon, 363 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,850 so I took the precaution of recording it. 364 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,894 What conversation? 365 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,648 BART: Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? 366 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,110 (Bart imitating Marge) He sure can. 367 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,030 Marge, what were you thinking? 368 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,489 That's not my voice. 369 00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,028 Oh, everybody says that 370 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,322 when they hear themselves on tape. 371 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,026 I don't understand this. 372 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,077 Why can't you stay with your parents? 373 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,120 The admiral and I don't get along. 374 00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:40,334 Please, let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go. 375 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,706 Forget it-- that line didn't work for my Dad 376 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,423 and it's not gonna work for you. 377 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,383 Dad, Otto's going through a real tough time. 378 00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:49,093 Can't he stay with us for a while? 379 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,434 I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, 380 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,969 but doesn't the Bible say 381 00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,392 "whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers 382 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,391 that you do unto me"? 383 00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,393 Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say 384 00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:01,765 "Thou shalt not take... moochers into thy... hut"? 385 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,274 Please, Dad? 386 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,645 If you let Otto stay, 387 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,112 he'll help around the house 388 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,991 and chip in a few bucks whenever he can. 389 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,398 All right, he can stay. 390 00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,446 But I get to treat him like garbage. 391 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,321 Wow, what's the catch? 392 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,538 The can of corn costs... 57¢! 393 00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:17,948 (bell rings) 394 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,707 I could sure go for a can of corn. 395 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:23,329 Otto you can't just sit there watching TV all day. 396 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,377 You know, you're right. 397 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,550 I should do a little reading. 398 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:29,548 Uh, you got any of those "Where's Waldo" books? 399 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,881 -No. -How about anything written 400 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,677 -from the vampire's point of view? -No. 401 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,511 How about anything where guys 402 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,006 send in naked pictures of their chicks? 403 00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,927 Otto, I think you should get a job. 404 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,596 Look, the only thing I was ever good at 405 00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,314 was driving a bus 406 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:45,024 and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that. 407 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:46,895 So get that piece of paper. 408 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,152 I tried! 409 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,903 Oh, Lord, how I did try. 410 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,486 (sighs) 411 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,241 (playing riffs) 412 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,493 Will you knock it off! 413 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,284 I can't hear myself think. 414 00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,787 (Otto stops playing) 415 00:17:58,869 --> 00:17:59,789 I want some peanuts. 416 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,370 That's better. 417 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:04,075 Hey, how come you never play your guitar anymore? 418 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,786 I'll tell you the truth. Dad. 419 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,746 I wasn't good at it right away, so I quit. 420 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,666 I hope you're not mad. 421 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,665 Son, come here. 422 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,667 (laughs) 423 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,428 Of course I'm not mad. 424 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:18,601 If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. 425 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,430 You just stick that guitar in the closet 426 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,597 next to your shortwave radio 427 00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,805 your karate outfit, and your unicycle 428 00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,936 and we'll go inside and watch TV. 429 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:31,153 -What's on? -It doesn't matter. 430 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,445 -(pounding) -Open up! Open up! 431 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,359 I got to go, and no fooling. 432 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:36,697 Hey, pop-n-fresh! 433 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,452 You're supposed to giggle. 434 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:39,414 (growls) 435 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,333 (cries out) 436 00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,086 That guy has got to go. 437 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,918 I know how you feel. 438 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,884 But he is good with the kids. 439 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:58,099 So the lady drove faster, but the strange car 440 00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,758 kept banging into her from behind. 441 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:00,927 (gasps) 442 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,354 So, finally, she swerved off the road 443 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,563 into the woods 444 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,273 and lost the other car 445 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,193 and that's when she realized 446 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:11,022 the man in the other car wasn't trying to hurt her. 447 00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,778 No-- he was trying to warn her... 448 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:17,611 about the ax-wielding maniac hiding in her back seat! 449 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:20,118 Did the maniac kill her? 450 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,910 Natch. You know how I know? 451 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,004 How? 452 00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:24,828 Because... 453 00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,043 I was that maniac. 454 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,044 (Lisa screaming) 455 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,586 Hey, I was just kidding. 456 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,460 That's it. He's out of here. 457 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:35,587 But Homer, we're the only family he's got. 458 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,264 I don't care. 459 00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,432 This is not Happy Days, and he is not The Fonz. 460 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,971 Hey-y-y, Mr. S. 461 00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,934 Listen, you drain-clogging, last-cookie-eating, 462 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,846 collect-call-getting sponge. 463 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,944 I want you out of my house. 464 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,480 -Heavy. -What are you gonna do, Otto? 465 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,074 Oh, don't worry. 466 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,609 There's plenty of money out there 467 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,402 for a guy who knows how to fake his own death. 468 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,026 Well, before you do that, 469 00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,703 maybe you should take the driving test again. 470 00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,702 I can't pass that thing. 471 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,544 I got a zero last time. 472 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:05,750 This time I'm hungover. 473 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:06,999 You can do it, Otto. 474 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,290 You're the coolest adult I ever met. 475 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:13,004 Wow. I've never been called an adult before. 476 00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:15,796 I've been tried as one, but... 477 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,261 I'll do it. 478 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:22,261 "Alcohol increases your ability to drive." 479 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,386 False?! 480 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:24,392 Oh, man! 481 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,894 I don't know about this, Bart dude. 482 00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:30,437 Your Dad is right. 483 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,480 I am a bum. 484 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:32,653 He didn't call you a bum. 485 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:33,901 He called you a sponge. 486 00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:35,822 Sponge? 487 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,441 (grunting) 488 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:40,317 Does this look like something a sponge would do?! 489 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:44,075 I'll show him who's a sponge. 490 00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:47,579 Well, if it isn't Wee Willy Washout. 491 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,333 I want to take the test again. 492 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:50,374 Why? 493 00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:51,747 So I can staple my license 494 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,963 to Homer Simpson's big bald head! 495 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:57,464 Really? Well, here's your written test. 496 00:20:57,547 --> 00:20:58,917 I'll get you started. 497 00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,177 "B," "C," "D," "A," "B..." 498 00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:06,516 Homer had a piece of food on his face for three days. 499 00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,808 (laughing) 500 00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:10,642 It wasn't little either. 501 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:11,687 It was a chicken wing. 502 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,980 (hysterically) Wing! 503 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,524 Ooh, what was that? 504 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:17,357 It doesn't matter. Let's get some margaritas. 505 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:18,572 I'm buying. 506 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,409 Otto! 507 00:21:25,492 --> 00:21:27,122 That's what my driver's license says. 508 00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:34,745 KIDS: ♪ Hail to the bus driver, bus driver, bus driver... ♪ 509 00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,705 Yes, hail to the bus driver, 510 00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,126 bus driver man. 511 00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:44,176 (guitar riff) 512 00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:48,061 {\an8}♪♪ 513 00:22:48,116 --> 00:22:49,656 Shh! 514 00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:56,081 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.