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00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,916
{\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪
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00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,012
(bell rings)
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(work whistle blows)
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-(sucking)
-(register beeping)
5
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(jazzy solo)
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(tires screech)
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D'oh!
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-Aah!
-(tires screech)
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00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,767
{\an8}Mmm, doughnuts.
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00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,229
{\an8}Hey, Homer, slow down.
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00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,444
{\an8}You're gonna choke
or something.
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00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,113
{\an8}Don't tell me
how to eat doughnuts.
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{\an8}(choking)
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{\an8}Hey, Homer's
choking again.
15
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{\an8}Hmm. Isn't there
a first-aid chart
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00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,656
{\an8}around here somewhere?
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{\an8}Somebody scare him.
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{\an8}That's for the hiccups.
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{\an8}Hey, look at this.
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{\an8}Softball starts this week.
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(coughs)
Softball?
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Who's next?
23
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-Eh, count me out.
-Not me.
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No way.
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What's the matter
with you guys?
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Homer, last year
we were two and 28.
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-Look, I know it wasn't our best season.
-Actually, it was.
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Well, this year,
it's gonna be different.
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Oh yeah? What makes you
so damn sure?
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I have a secret weapon.
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Hey, he's been
holding out on us, huh?
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00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:45,645
A secret weapon?
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00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,440
I wonder what it could be.
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00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,374
Hmm...
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(laughing)
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-Count me in.
-I'm there.
37
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Come here, boy,
I want to show you something.
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What's that?
A homemade bat?
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It's something very special--
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00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,879
a homemade bat.
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It all started last year
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during a terrible thunderstorm
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when I locked myself
out of the house.
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00:02:16,761 --> 00:02:19,601
Sheltering myself with
a large piece of sheet metal,
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I ran for cover under
the tallest tree I could find.
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Something told me
this was a very special,
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very magical piece of wood
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that I could make
a bat out of.
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I put my homemade
football on hold,
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and set to work making
the world's greatest bat.
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(Homer grunting)
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Homie, come to bed.
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(Homer grunting)
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Homer, go back
to the garage.
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And here it is.
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(theme from
"The Natural" plays)
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Wow! How many home runs
you gonna hit with that?
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00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:07,314
Let's see, we play 30 games,
ten at bats a game-- 3,000.
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00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:08,685
(whistles)
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00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,147
Hit one here, Charlie!
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(screams)
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Okay, lets go over
the ground rules.
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You can't leave first
until you chug a beer.
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Any man scoring
has to chug a beer.
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You have to chug a beer at the
top of all odd-numbered innings.
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00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,672
Oh, and the fourth inning
is the beer inning.
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Hey, we know how
to play softball.
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UMPIRE:
Play ball!
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RADIO:
Attention all units!
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Attention all units!
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Armored car being robbed
at 5th and ...
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Turn off that damn radio!
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MARGE: And the next man wants
to hit the ball too.
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And he does.
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00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:46,939
And there he goes off
in that direction.
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00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,268
And everyone is happy.
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00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:51,063
Uh, Mom, why don't you
let me call the game?
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00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,567
That's alright dear,
I can do it.
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(cheering)
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Men, stop that!
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00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,040
Okay, Homer, bases loaded,
and you're up.
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00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,368
Where's that
secret weapon?
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00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,004
Check it out, boys.
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00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,421
My magic bat.
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00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,460
That's it?
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00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,422
Yeah, I got
a magic bat too.
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00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,763
And I got
an enchanted jockstrap.
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00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:16,968
(laughing)
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Yeah. Just watch.
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(theme from
"The Natural" plays)
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(screams)
92
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Whoo-hoo!
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All right, Homeboy!
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Yeah!
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(taunting)
Ha-ha! Cops can't win!
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00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,279
Get his license
and registration.
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00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:43,235
Right, Chief.
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Wow, Dad.
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00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,214
Homer, can I get you a beer?
100
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,331
No. I want
to get him a beer.
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00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,417
Kids, kids, kids,
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you can each
get me a beer,
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00:04:56,546 --> 00:05:00,046
but first, let's see it again
in super slow motion.
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00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,890
{\an8}(sloshing noises)
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00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,850
{\an8}Why you...
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{\an8}Huh?
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00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,106
ALL:
Ooh!
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00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:25,237
Such a mighty wallop.
109
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I got my magic bat
off a piano.
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My sister let me use
her wooden leg.
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00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,551
SMITHERS:
Good news, sir.
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00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,224
The plant softball team
has won again.
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If we beat Shelbyville
next week,
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we capture
the pennant.
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Did you hear that, Ari?
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My boys need only to
thump your tub,
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and the title is ours.
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Ha! The Gladiators
from my power plant
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will crush your team
like nine flabby grapes.
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I disagree.
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Would you care to bet
a million dollars on that?
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Oh, if we're going to bet,
why don't we make it interesting?
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What. A million dollars
isn't interesting to you?
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Oh, did you say a million?
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I'm sorry.
My mind was elsewhere.
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I thought you would start
with a small amount,
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and we would
bait each other, and...
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00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:14,750
Well, you know
how it goes.
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Yes, certainly.
A million will be fine.
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Smithers, I've been
thinking.
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Is it wrong to cheat in order
to win a million dollar bet?
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Yes, sir.
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Let me rephrase that.
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Is it wrong if I cheat in order
to win a million dollar bet?
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00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,676
No, sir.
Who would you like killed?
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00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:36,557
No, Smithers. I've decided
to bring in a few ringers--
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professional baseballers.
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We'll give them
token jobs at the plant
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and have them play
on our softball team.
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00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,069
Honus Wagner, Cap Anson,
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00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:46,414
Mordecai
"Three Finger" Brown...
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00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,779
Uh, sir?
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00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,365
What is it, Smithers?
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00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,540
I'm afraid all those
players have retired
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00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,079
and, uh, passed on.
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00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:57,213
In fact, your right fielder
has been dead for 130 years.
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Damnation!
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Alright, find me
some good players.
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00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:02,088
Living players.
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00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,421
Scour the
professional ranks,
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00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,716
the American League,
the National League,
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00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,140
the negro leagues.
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00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,048
I'm on my way, sir.
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00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,386
Oh, and, Smithers..
155
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,810
You have 24 hours.
156
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,059
(gulps)
157
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,265
(whispering)
158
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,983
I get $50,000
to play one game?
159
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:21,694
That's right,
Mr. Canseco.
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00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,484
Well, it's a pay cut,
but what the hey.
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00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:24,738
It sounds like fun.
162
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,409
Uh... oh... ah...
163
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:30,658
-(gunshot)
-Hey, sorry. I thought you were a deer.
164
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:33,121
Oh, that's okay.
Happens all the time.
165
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Are you Mike Scioscia?
166
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:36,162
-That's me.
-Uh...
167
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,037
How do you like working
for the Dodgers?
168
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,544
Well, it's okay,
but sometimes
169
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,546
I wish I had something
a little more blue collar.
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00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:45,338
You know, with big machines
and cool dials and stuff,
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00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:46,843
like an oil refinery
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or hydroelectric plant.
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We should talk.
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00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,255
TOUR GUIDE:
And this is Elvis' rec room.
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00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,886
When the king wasn't
rehearsing or exercising,
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00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:58,314
he'd like to unwind by watching
up to three TVs at once.
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00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,734
Man, oh, man,
what a lifestyle.
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00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,113
Excuse me.
Are you Ozzie Smith?
179
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,530
-Yes.
-I have a proposition for you.
180
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:09,026
Ahem. Hello.
Are you Don Mattingly?
181
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:10,323
Yes, yes, I am.
182
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:11,986
Come in. Come in.
Can I get you something?
183
00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:13,284
What's your name?
184
00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:18,464
How would you
like to be a ringer
185
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,919
on a small-town
company softball team?
186
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,130
Would I?
187
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,751
And now I'd like
to introduce the new members
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00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,507
of our happy
power plant family.
189
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,669
-Our new security guard, Roger Clemens.
-Hello.
190
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,178
-Our new janitor, Wade Boggs.
-How you doing?
191
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,140
Our lunchroom cashier,
Ken Griffey Jr.
192
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,511
Hey, what's up, guys?
193
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,137
Our new, well, uh...
194
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,894
we'll make up jobs
for these fellas later.
195
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:41,095
Please say hello to Steve Sax,
Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry,
196
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,107
Ozzie Smith, Mike Scioscia,
and Jose Canseco.
197
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,860
(impressed murmuring)
198
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,072
Oh, by the way,
you new fellas,
199
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:49,612
there's a sign-up sheet
for the company
200
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,655
softball team on the
bulletin board over there,
201
00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,449
just in case you
wish to play.
202
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,413
(angry grumbling)
203
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,663
Mr. Burns, with them
on the team, you won't need us.
204
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:58,905
Well, duh.
205
00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,406
You, Scioscia, sign up.
206
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,078
Thanks just the same,
but I'm here to run
207
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,746
the solid contaminate
encapsulator.
208
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,044
One more outburst like that
209
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:06,337
and I'll send you back
to the big leagues.
210
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,261
-You're Darryl Strawberry.
-Yes.
211
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,012
-You play right field.
-Yes.
212
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,934
-I play right field too.
-So?
213
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,102
Well, are you
better than me?
214
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:19,350
Well, I never met you,
but... yes.
215
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:22,353
It's not fair. Me and the guys
worked so hard to get
216
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:25,266
to the championship game,
and now we'll be sitting on the bench.
217
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,566
You hit so many
home runs this year.
218
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,490
What makes you think this
Darryl Strawberry character
219
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,699
is better than you?
220
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,358
Marge, forget it.
221
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:35,116
He's bigger than me, faster than me,
stronger than me,
222
00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:37,739
and he already has more friends
around the plant than I do.
223
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,787
You make me sick, Homer.
224
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,870
You're the one who told me
I could do anything
225
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,706
if I just
put my mind to it.
226
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,501
Well, now that you're a
little bit older,
227
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,125
I can tell you that's a crock.
228
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:48,751
No matter how good
you are at something,
229
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,298
there's always about
a million people better than you.
230
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,302
Gotcha--
Can't win, don't try.
231
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:56,604
As your new manager,
I want to say this up front.
232
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,889
No one is assured a spot
in the starting line-up.
233
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,773
I don't care
if you're name is Steve Sax
234
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,310
or Darryl Strawberry, or...
235
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,983
Smithers, what's one of
the bad players names?
236
00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:05,481
Homer Simpson, sir.
237
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:06,983
Or Homer Simpson.
238
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:08,614
Secondly, instead of beer,
239
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,651
from now on, you will
all be drinking this.
240
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,355
It's a brain and nerve tonic
241
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,905
rich in proteins
and electromagnetic juices.
242
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,739
It promotes robust health.
243
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,494
Of course it has been known
to cause gigantism,
244
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,986
but only in rare cases.
245
00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:21,617
Try some.
246
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,464
Wow. It's like there's
a party in my mouth
247
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,540
and everyone's invited.
248
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,035
Excellent.
249
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,876
Now, let's begin
our training, shall we?
250
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,631
Smithers...
251
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,133
the medicine balls.
252
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,384
(players groaning)
253
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,428
Ugh... Ugh...
254
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:42,602
Here.
255
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,110
(chuckles)
256
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,903
What are you gonna do
with your million dollars, sir?
257
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,066
Oh, I don't know.
Throw it in the pile, I suppose.
258
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,405
You are all very good players.
259
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,412
ALL:
We are all very good players.
260
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,794
You will beat Shelbyville.
261
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,921
We will beat Shelbyville.
262
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,088
You will give 110%.
263
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,338
That's impossible.
264
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:13,669
No one can give
more than 100%.
265
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:17,426
By definition, that is
the most anyone can give.
266
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,640
(ball being hit)
267
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:20,099
I got it!
I got it!
268
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,852
-(ball hits mitt)
-Yes.
269
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,024
Hey!
270
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,232
I called for that.
271
00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:28,311
Put a lid on it. Simpson!
272
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,436
There's no "I" in "team."
273
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,573
Some of these guys
have a bad attitude, Skip.
274
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,490
They sure do,
Strawberry.
275
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,909
(whistling "Take Me Out
to the Ball Game")
276
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:39,988
Hey, Scioscia,
I don't get it.
277
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:42,374
You're a ringer, but you're here
every night in the core
278
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,621
busting your butt
hauling radioactive waste.
279
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,794
Well, Carl, it's such a relief
from the pressures
280
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:48,502
of playing big league ball.
281
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:50,712
I mean there, you make
any kind of mistake, and boom,
282
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,963
the press is all over you.
283
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,955
-Uh-oh.
-Ah, don't worry about it.
284
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,677
Oh, man,
is this ever sweet.
285
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,968
-Me, me.
-Pick me.
286
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,392
Pick me, pick me.
287
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,010
I pick Ken Griffey Jr.
288
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,387
Aw, geez.
289
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:06,853
Okay, I'll take Milhouse.
290
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,145
Hey Mr. Boggs, will
you be on my team?
291
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,559
You got yourself a player.
292
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:12,647
Damn!
293
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,072
All right,
I'll take Louis.
294
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,571
I'll take Jose Canseco.
295
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:17,742
D'oh!
296
00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:20,911
Mattingly, get rid
of those sideburns.
297
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,410
-What sideburns?
-You heard me, hippie.
298
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:27,542
These guys aren't so tough.
I've got Wonderbat.
299
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,291
(theme from
"The Natural" plays)
300
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,416
(screams)
301
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,547
Take a knee, boys.
302
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:37,758
Tomorrow is the biggest day
of your lives.
303
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,300
The Shelbyville game.
304
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:41,053
So lights out at 7:30,
305
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,215
and abstain from coffee,
tea, and cola drinks.
306
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,224
Make no mistake,
they pack a wallop.
307
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,466
Sure do, Skip.
308
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,727
Yes. Now, before I post
the starting lineup,
309
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,649
I want to assure those of you
whose names are not on the list
310
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,059
that I'm very
disappointed in you.
311
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:57,318
Something was lacking.
Let's call it heart.
312
00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,281
-No hustle either, Skip.
-That's right, Darryl.
313
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,993
-All right.
-Way to go.
314
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,414
Aw, nuts.
315
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,123
Please, please, please.
I want to make the team.
316
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,663
Clemens,
did I make the team?
317
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:09,826
You sure did.
318
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,254
I did?!
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
319
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,833
In your face, Strawberry.
320
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,298
-Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey Jr.?
-No.
321
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,088
Sorry, didn't mean
to get your hopes up.
322
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,842
Oh...
323
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:29,769
(Burns chuckling)
324
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:33,060
Smithers, there's no way
I can lose this bet,
325
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,055
unless, of course,
my nine all-stars
326
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,317
fall victim to nine
separate misfortunes,
327
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,069
and are unable
to play tomorrow,
328
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,991
but that will never happen.
329
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:42,530
Three misfortunes,
that's possible.
330
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:45,413
Seven misfortunes,
there's an outside chance.
331
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:49,121
But nine misfortunes?
I'd like to see that.
332
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,793
SAX:
What a nice little town.
333
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,462
Maybe I'll buy a home here
when I retire.
334
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,001
(siren blaring)
335
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,166
What seems to be
the problem, officers?
336
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,295
That's enough out of you,
smart guy.
337
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:01,721
Reach for your license.
338
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:04,009
(cocks gun)
Slowly.
339
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:07,433
Well, well. Steve Sax,
from New York City.
340
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,773
I heard some guy
got killed in New York City,
341
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,559
and they never
solved the case,
342
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,272
but you wouldn't know
anything about that,
343
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,442
now, would you, Steve?
344
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,482
{\an8}But there's hundreds
of unsolved murders
345
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,015
{\an8}in New York City.
346
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,108
You don't know when
to keep your mouth shut,
347
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,653
do you, Saxy boy?
348
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:23,986
(ticking)
349
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:27,121
(ticking increases)
350
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,989
Uh, Mike,
try to lift your arm.
351
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:32,867
Can't... lift... arm...
352
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,035
or... speak...
353
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:37,133
at... normal... rate.
354
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,539
Well, I'm afraid
you have a case
355
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:41,047
of acute radiation poisoning,
Mr. Scioscia.
356
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,380
Will... I...
357
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,634
be... able...
358
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,006
to... play...
359
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,142
softball... tomorrow?
360
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,889
(chuckling)
361
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,431
No, by tomorrow, you'll
barely be able to breathe.
362
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,265
Oh... man.
363
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:57,901
Dr. Hibbert, Ken Griffey Jr.
needs to see you immediately.
364
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,480
We think it's an overdose
of nerve tonic.
365
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:02,572
Good Lord!
366
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:05,321
Gigantism!
367
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:06,494
(whistling)
368
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,032
-(baby crying)
-My baby! My baby!
369
00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,735
Don't worry, ma'am.
I'll save your baby.
370
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,423
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Canseco.
371
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,248
-(cat meows)
-My cat!
372
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,674
Never fear, ma'am.
I'll save your cat.
373
00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:28,176
-(piano playing)
-(gasps) My player piano!
374
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,140
Oh, man.
375
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:36,734
Ohh, one thing I'm good at,
and I can't do it anymore.
376
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,060
Homie, you're good
at lots of things.
377
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:40,896
Like what?
378
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:42,321
Like snuggling.
379
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,859
Yeah, but none of my friends
can watch me.
380
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:45,994
Hmm.
381
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,910
BARNEY:
And I say
382
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,618
England's greatest
prime minister
383
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,659
was Lord Palmerston!
384
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:53,953
Pitt, the Elder.
385
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,076
Lord Palmerston!
386
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,333
Pitt, the Elder!
387
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,705
Okay, you asked
for it, Boggs.
388
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:01,843
Uh!
389
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,879
Yeah, that's
showing him, Barney.
390
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:04,923
Pitt, the Elder.
391
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:08,425
Lord Palmerston!
392
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,219
Nice work, boys.
393
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,642
I think we can close the book
on just about every unsolved crime
394
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,101
in our fair city.
395
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,771
Don't I at least get
to call my lawyer?
396
00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:18,139
You watch
too many movies, Sax.
397
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,647
(door slams)
398
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,398
{\an8}How long does it take
to see this thing?
399
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,521
I'm kind of in a hurry.
400
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,067
Well it's hard to say,
my friend.
401
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,990
Once you go in,
you may never come out.
402
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,820
Wow! One, please.
403
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,909
(Smith screaming)
404
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,163
(screaming fades)
405
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,294
(man chuckles)
406
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,832
Where do you think
you're going?
407
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,206
-To the game.
-No, no, no.
408
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,803
I don't want you to see me
sitting on my worthless butt.
409
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,009
We've seen it, Dad.
410
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,465
Mattingly, for the last time,
get rid of those sideburns.
411
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,763
Look Mr. Burns, I don't know
what you think sideburns are, but--
412
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,848
Don't argue with me!
Just get rid of them!
413
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,768
Smithers, it's almost
game time.
414
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,483
Where the devil
are my ringers?
415
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,613
Sir, Mike Scioscia may not
live through the night.
416
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:07,940
Steve Sax is looking at
six consecutive life sentences,
417
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,647
and Ozzie Smith seems to have
vanished off the face of the Earth.
418
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,108
(screaming)
419
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:13,407
Cool!
420
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,370
(screaming)
421
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:15,830
Well, what
about Canseco?
422
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:20,455
The dryer goes
on the right.
423
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,669
Yes, ma'am.
424
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,000
What about Clemens?
425
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:26,304
Sir, he's in
no condition to play.
426
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:29,298
(clucking like a chicken)
427
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,011
That damn hypnotist!
428
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,931
You! Look what you've done.
429
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,390
My starting pitcher
thinks he's a chicken.
430
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,141
Make no mistake,
I'm going to report this
431
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,062
to the American
Hypnotical Association.
432
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,731
But I did a good job...
433
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,060
a good job...
434
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,146
Oh well, I guess it's
not your fault.
435
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,361
You did a good job.
436
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,691
(gasps)
Mattingly!
437
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,197
I thought I told you
to trim those sideburns!
438
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:53,989
Go home!
You're off the team!
439
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,203
-For good!
-Fine.
440
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:58,203
I still like him better
than Steinbrenner.
441
00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,825
Ahem. All right, you ragtag
bunch of misfits.
442
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,503
You hate me
and I hate you even more,
443
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,292
but without my beloved ringers,
444
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:07,085
you're all I've got.
445
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,669
So I... want you
to remember
446
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,045
some inspiring things
447
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:12,841
that someone else
may have told you
448
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,425
in the course of your lives,
449
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,140
and go out there and win.
450
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,180
(cheering)
451
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,182
(sniffs)
452
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,063
Not so fast, Simpson.
453
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,980
The man who plays
your position is still here.
454
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,725
-Hit the pine.
-Ohh!
455
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,028
You stink, Strawberry!
456
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,689
We want home-run Homer!
457
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,568
(taunting)
Darryl.
458
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,905
Darryl.
459
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,700
-Darryl. Darryl.
-Darryl. Darryl.
460
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,825
Children, that's
not very nice.
461
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,412
Mom, they're
professional athletes.
462
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,117
They're used to
this sort of thing.
463
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,997
It rolls
right off their backs.
464
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,174
(sniffs)
465
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,915
-Who wants peanuts? I got peanuts!
-Over here!
466
00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:54,836
Hey, wha, ho,
peanuts taste good!
467
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,885
Hey, peanuts!
We got peanuts!
468
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:57,969
Need some peanuts?
Heads up!
469
00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,143
All right, Monty,
470
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,271
it's up to your
managerial skills.
471
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:02,678
What to do--
472
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:03,976
Smithers, massage my brain.
473
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,059
Yes, sir.
474
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:10,942
BURNS: You, Strawberry!
Hit a home run!
475
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:12,444
Okay, Skip.
476
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:18,696
Ha ha ha!
I told him to do that.
477
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:19,832
Brilliant strategy, sir.
478
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:24,543
Ohh!
479
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,081
MARGE:
Oh, dear!
480
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,115
Hmm.
481
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:28,577
Children, tell me
482
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:31,417
when your father stops
scratching himself.
483
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,165
Kids?
484
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,756
We'll tell you, mom.
485
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,721
BURNS:
All right, tie game.
486
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,971
Bottom of the ninth.
487
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:41,513
Two outs, bases loaded.
488
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,137
Strawberry coming up.
489
00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:45,393
They're going to win
the city championship.
490
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:48,055
No thanks to me.
491
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,015
Wait.
You! Strawberry!
492
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:51,515
Good effort today.
493
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,187
Take a lap
and hit the showers.
494
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,025
I'm putting in a right-handed batter
to hit for you.
495
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,780
-What?
-You're pinch-hitting for me?!
496
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,572
Yes. You see
you're a left-hander,
497
00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:00,866
and so is the pitcher.
498
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,279
If I send up a
right-handed batter,
499
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,197
it's called
playing the percentages.
500
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,536
It's what smart managers do
to win ball games.
501
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,462
But I've got
nine home runs today.
502
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,540
You should be very proud of yourself.
Sit down.
503
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,376
Simpson!
You're batting for Strawberry.
504
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,131
I am? Whoo-hoo!
505
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,343
That a boy, Homer.
506
00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:17,382
-You can do it.
-(clucking)
507
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:20,046
All right, Simpson.
Let's go over the signals.
508
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:22,045
If I tug the bill
of my cap like so...
509
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:23,217
Yeah?
510
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,215
...it means the signal
is a fake.
511
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,806
Uh-huh.
512
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,941
However, I can take that off
by dusting my hands thusly.
513
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,188
-Got it.
-If I want you to bunt,
514
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:30,689
I will touch my belt buckle
515
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,651
not once, not twice,
but thrice.
516
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:36,241
Uh oh. I don't understand
a word he's saying.
517
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,108
Why doesn't he
just let me bat?
518
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,485
I wish I was home
519
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,701
with a big bag
of potato chips.
520
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:46,083
Mmm... potato chips.
521
00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:48,081
-Got that, Simpson?
-Yes, sir.
522
00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:52,753
Now batting for Darryl Strawberry--
Homer Simpson.
523
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,134
-All right!
-Yay!
524
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:55,381
(crowd booing)
525
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,882
(theme from
"The Natural" plays)
526
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,011
Huh?
527
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,097
Oof!
528
00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:08,885
-(wild cheering)
-(Marge gasps)
529
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,266
Oh, dear!
530
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,402
No, Mom.
It counts as a hit.
531
00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:14,399
Dad just won the game.
532
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:16,231
Oh. Well, I guess
he'll be happy
533
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:18,356
when he comes to.
534
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:21,033
We won! We won!
All right!
535
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:22,453
(theme from
"The Natural" plays)
536
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:28,163
Homer! Homer! Homer!
537
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:36,094
♪♪
538
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:43,298
{\an8}♪ Well, Mr. Burns
had done it ♪
539
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:45,675
{\an8}♪ The power plant
had won it ♪
540
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:49,352
{\an8}♪ With Roger Clemens
clucking all the while ♪
541
00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:53,773
{\an8}♪ Mike Scioscia's tragic
illness made us smile ♪
542
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:55,234
{\an8}♪ While Wade Boggs
lay unconscious ♪
543
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:57,274
{\an8}♪ On the barroom tile ♪
544
00:21:57,357 --> 00:21:59,527
{\an8}♪ We're talking softball ♪
545
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:01,449
{\an8}♪ From Maine to San Diego ♪
546
00:22:01,528 --> 00:22:04,108
{\an8}♪ Talking softball ♪
547
00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:06,117
{\an8}♪ Mattingly and Canseco ♪
548
00:22:06,199 --> 00:22:09,949
{\an8}♪ Ken Griffey's
grotesquely swollen jaw ♪
549
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:13,497
{\an8}♪ Steve Sax and his
run-in with the law ♪
550
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:17,292
{\an8}♪ We're talking Homer ♪
551
00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:19,667
{\an8}♪ Ozzie and the Straw ♪
552
00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:24,303
{\an8}♪ We're talking softball ♪
553
00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:26,304
{\an8}♪ From Maine to San Diego ♪
554
00:22:26,386 --> 00:22:28,926
{\an8}♪ Talking softball ♪
555
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:30,854
{\an8}♪ Mattingly and Canseco ♪
556
00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:34,442
{\an8}♪ Ken Griffey's
grotesquely swollen jaw ♪
557
00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:35,649
{\an8}♪ Steve Sax ♪
558
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:38,189
{\an8}♪ And his run-in with the law ♪
559
00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:42,283
{\an8}♪ We're talking Homer ♪
560
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,531
{\an8}♪ Ozzie and the Straw. ♪
561
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:51,789
(baseball being hit,
organ plays)
562
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:57,962
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.