1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,916 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,012 (bell rings) 3 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,474 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,887 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,409 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:33,740 (tires screech) 7 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:36,999 D'oh! 8 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,288 -Aah! -(tires screech) 9 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:56,508 {\an8}I hold in my hand the final ax. 10 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:57,558 {\an8}(kids cheering) 11 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,610 {\an8}(grunts) 12 00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:05,228 {\an8}Ah, heh... 13 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,225 {\an8}(laughing) 14 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,567 {\an8}Well, kids, that's all the time we have for today. 15 00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:10,902 {\an8}I'd like to thank Sideshow Mel, 16 00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:13,237 {\an8}Corporal Punishment, Tina Ballerina, 17 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:16,163 {\an8}oh, and from Knots Landing, Miss Donna Mills. 18 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:17,662 {\an8}Oh, she was a sport. 19 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,374 {\an8}♪ We've had lots and lots ♪ 20 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,924 {\an8}♪ and lots and lots and lots of fun ♪ 21 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:26,708 {\an8}♪ But now the time has come... to go ♪ 22 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,875 {\an8}♪ If this old clown was found dead in his bed ♪ 23 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,173 ♪ Tomorrow I'd be in heaven ♪ 24 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:34,587 ♪ Still doing this show ♪ 25 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:36,507 See you some other time! 26 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,006 (laughing) 27 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,018 (cheering) 28 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,929 (groans) 29 00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:41,937 Great show, Krusty. 30 00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:43,938 I really laughed when you-- 31 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,560 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's my nicotine gum? 32 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:47,978 Ah, that's the stuff! 33 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,356 Damn, I'm exhausted. 34 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:50,942 Those kids were like ice out there. 35 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:52,947 You've got a 4:30 merchandising meeting. 36 00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,159 -Cancel it! -Therapist? 37 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,989 -Cancel it! -Personal trainer? 38 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,834 -Cancel it! -The opening line on the Giants is 5 1/2. 39 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,119 Put a dime on it. 40 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,452 "Thank you" dinner with Bart Simpson? 41 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,957 I don't know any Bart Simpson. 42 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:05,458 Krusty, he's the boy who saved you from jail. 43 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:10,262 Well, we made a terrible, terrible mistake. 44 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,718 Uh... won't happen again. 45 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,089 Well, there was one boy who trusted me all along. 46 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,257 -Bart? -Yes, sir? 47 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,555 Thank you. 48 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,678 Oh, yeah. 49 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,385 Cancel it! 50 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,725 (phone ringing) 51 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,725 -Hello? -Mrs. Simpson? 52 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,107 This is Lois Pennycandy, 53 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,613 Krusty the Clown's executive assistant. 54 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,355 Oh, hello, Mrs. Pennycandy. 55 00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:37,816 (sighs) It's Miss Pennycandy, I can assure you. 56 00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,947 I'm sorry to inform you 57 00:02:40,034 --> 00:02:42,254 that Krusty will once again, not be joining Bart for dinner. 58 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,708 Oh, dear, this is the fifth time he's cancelled. 59 00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:47,629 How can he hurt someone who loves him so? 60 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,249 Oh, Mrs. Simpson, 61 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:52,625 I've wasted my womanhood asking that same question. 62 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,344 I apologize for him. 63 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,894 Something really important came up at the last minute. 64 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,968 Lousy mildew! 65 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,353 (grumbles) 66 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,721 That's good enough. 67 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,267 Well, thank you for calling. Good-bye. 68 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,441 (groans) 69 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,190 Okay, Milhouse, how many Krusty autographs should I put you down for? 70 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,113 -A hundred. -Consider it done. 71 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,692 {\an8}♪ You're walkin' along the street ♪ 72 00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,487 ♪ Or you're at a party ♪ 73 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:17,991 ♪ Or else you're alone ♪ 74 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:20,492 ♪ And then you suddenly dig, dig, dig ♪ 75 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:24,945 ♪ This could be the start of something big ♪ 76 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,328 Sweetie, I'm sorry 77 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,464 but Krusty isn't coming to dinner again. 78 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,712 Oh, man. 79 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,625 "Dear Krusty, This is Bart Simpson, 80 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,046 "Krusty Buddy number 16302 81 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:43,095 "respectfully returning his badge. 82 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,431 "I always suspected that nothing in life mattered. 83 00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:48,937 "Now I know for sure. 84 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,730 Get bent. Bart Simpson." 85 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,685 Ooh, sex-chat! 86 00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:00,157 WOMAN: You've reached the party line. 87 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,410 In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party 88 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,992 with some of the world's most beautiful women. 89 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,448 Now let's join the party. 90 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:07,457 Hello? 91 00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:08,458 {\an8}Hello? 92 00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:09,579 Hello? 93 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,166 Are there any women here? 94 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,211 Hello?! 95 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,593 Are you a beautiful woman? 96 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,130 Do I sound like a beautiful woman?! 97 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,133 This is not as hot a party as I had anticipated. 98 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:19,843 Read this! 99 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,836 Uh... I, um... 100 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,218 uh... uh... 101 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,465 "Dee..." uh... 102 00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:27,557 "deee..." 103 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:28,562 "Dear... 104 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:30,103 "Krus-s-s-t... 105 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,106 Why..?" 106 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,558 It says that the little boy 107 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,938 who never lost faith in you has lost faith in you. 108 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:38,645 Krusty, you are going to Bart Simpson's house for dinner tonight! 109 00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:40,856 But I have plans. Hey! Not the face! 110 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:44,367 Why, you maddening, impossible man! 111 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,740 If you don't go tonight, 112 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,787 I won't be here tomorrow. 113 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:48,830 Oh, all right, I'll go. 114 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,923 Oh, Krusty! 115 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,709 But I sure hate missing Schnapps Night at the Friar's Club. 116 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,753 Bart, wipe your feet. 117 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,127 Why bother? 118 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:59,173 They'll just get dirty again. 119 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,627 I've got some good news. 120 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,087 Krusty the Clown is coming to dinner tonight. 121 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,427 -He is? For sure? -Yes. 122 00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:07,603 God bless that clown. 123 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,521 -(rhythmic knocking) -(horn honks) 124 00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:13,652 -(Krusty laughing) -You think it's him? 125 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:16,234 Hi, kids! 126 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,532 Hey, hey! 127 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:20,700 (laughs) 128 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,608 -Cute kid. -(doorbell rings) 129 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,528 Oh, hi, Bart. 130 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,786 I was just in the neighborhood-- 131 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,119 What? Krusty the Clown! 132 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,544 What a surprise! 133 00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:34,542 Milhouse, you can come in, and drop the charade. 134 00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,495 -Whoa! -(laughing) 135 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,086 BART: Krusty, you don't have to be on tonight. 136 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,472 What are you talking about? 137 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:41,668 Of course, he does. 138 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,008 No, Dad. Krusty is our guest. 139 00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:45,552 Your pratfalls and Punchinello antics 140 00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,096 aren't necessary here. 141 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,470 Really? 142 00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,386 Yeah. Just relax and be yourself. 143 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,975 Oh, that's a relief. 144 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,772 -(screeches) -Go wait in the car. 145 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,026 (hooting) 146 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,528 Aw! We could have seen a monkey. 147 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,571 Who wants to say grace? 148 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,244 Why don't we let our guest do it. 149 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,083 Bless us, oh, Lord-- 150 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,328 Hey! 151 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,829 Krusty, would you do the honors? 152 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,451 Well, all right. 153 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,867 I'm a little rusty, but, um... I'll try. 154 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,917 Baruch ata adonai 155 00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,921 eloheinu melech ha-olam 156 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,303 ha-motzi lechem min ha-aretz. 157 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,421 (laughs) 158 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,047 He's talking funny talk. 159 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:26,053 No, Dad, that's Hebrew. 160 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,635 Krusty must be Jewish. 161 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,260 A Jewish entertainer? Get out of here! 162 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,928 Dad, there are many prominent Jewish entertainers 163 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,477 including Lauren Bacall, Dinah Shore, William Shatner, 164 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,522 and Mel Brooks. 165 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:39,145 Mel Brooks is Jewish?! 166 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,152 (crying) 167 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,985 Krusty, are you all right? 168 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,240 Yes, it's just that saying the Brucha brings back 169 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,662 a lot of painful memories. 170 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,281 The old days... 171 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,828 my-- my father. 172 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,872 Hey, Krusty, you going to finish 173 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,666 that meat loaf, or what? 174 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:59,709 (sobbing) 175 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,382 (sobbing) 176 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:05,875 Poor Krusty. 177 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,677 He's like a black velvet painting come to life. 178 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,101 Krusty, why don't you tell us what's wrong? 179 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,599 You'll feel better. 180 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,601 -Yeah, spill your guts, man. -Yeah, yeah, come on. 181 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,853 Krusty, tell us. 182 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,064 Well, okay. 183 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,524 First of all, 184 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,903 my real name isn't Krusty the Clown. 185 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,941 It's Herschel Krustofski. 186 00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:23,734 My father was a rabbi. 187 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,568 His father was a rabbi. 188 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,114 His father's father-- Well, you get the idea. 189 00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:31,367 My father was the most respected man 190 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,241 in the lower east side of Springfield. 191 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:35,457 People would come from miles around 192 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,748 to ask his advice. 193 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,332 Reb Krustofski, should I finish college? 194 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,748 Yes. No one is poor except he who lacks knowledge. 195 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,968 Rabbi, should I have another child? 196 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:49,088 Yes. Another child would be a blessing on your house. 197 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,467 Rabbi, should I buy a Chrysler? 198 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:55,354 Could you rephrase that as an ethical question? 199 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,893 Um... is it right to buy a Chrysler? 200 00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:01,807 Yes-- for great is the car with power steering 201 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:02,858 and Dyna-Flo suspension. 202 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,150 Papa? 203 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,403 When I grow up, can I be a clown? 204 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,236 No! A clown is not respected member of the community. 205 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,742 But I wanna make people laugh. 206 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:13,453 Herschel, life is not fun. Life is serious. 207 00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:16,294 Seltzer is for drinking, not for spraying. 208 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:18,370 Pie is for noshing, not for throwing. 209 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,666 -But, Papa-- -But nothing! 210 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,079 You'll do as I say 211 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,707 or you'll get such a zetz 212 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:25,133 that you won't even know what hit you. 213 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,303 Dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps, 214 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:30,011 but the pull of clowning was too strong. 215 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,716 I got my first big laughs at Yeshiva 216 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,644 impersonating my father. 217 00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:38,273 Blah, blah, blah... Moses! Blah, blah, blah... 218 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,351 (laughing) 219 00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,356 (children gasping) 220 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,268 (choking) 221 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:47,937 Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps. 222 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:49,447 Don't worry. 223 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,609 I don't even like using the bathroom after you. 224 00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,986 Why, you little--! 225 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,334 Krusty, please continue. 226 00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,038 Okay. 227 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:58,748 My father tried to extinguish the comedy bug, 228 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,459 but it was no use. 229 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,960 What are you doing in that bathroom? 230 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,041 Go away. 231 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,205 Open the door this instant! 232 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,422 -Oy, gevalt! -Close the door! 233 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,506 Then came my big break. 234 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,262 A Talmudic conference in the Catskills, 235 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,724 and I was the entertainment. 236 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,724 (applause) 237 00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,886 But the Lord works in mysterious ways. 238 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,015 (oohs and ahhs) 239 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,311 (gasps) 240 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,774 Do you know that my son, Herschel, 241 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,064 was first in his Yeshiva class. 242 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,267 As a matter of fact, he was voted 243 00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,187 the most likely to hear God. 244 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,396 Oh, go on, Hyman, you're exaggerating again. 245 00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:31,646 You're so proud of your son. 246 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,447 A rabbi would never exaggerate. 247 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,741 A rabbi composes. He creates thoughts. 248 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,865 He tells stories that may never have happened, 249 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,372 but he does not exaggerate. 250 00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,333 My father would have never suspected a thing 251 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,174 were it not for one, rowdy rabbi. 252 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,460 Hey, funny man! 253 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,174 No, no, no! 254 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,884 (crowd laughing) 255 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,005 Herschel? 256 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:54,892 Herschel, oy vey iz mir! 257 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,429 You have brought shame on our family. 258 00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,603 If you were a musician or a jazz singer 259 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,142 this I could forgive, but this? 260 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,846 I never want to see you again... 261 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,106 you-- you clown! 262 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,034 (sobbing) 263 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,400 I haven't seen my father since. 264 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,107 That is so sad. 265 00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,697 Krusty, do you think about your father a lot? 266 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,622 All the time. 267 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,371 Except when I'm at the track. Then it's all business. 268 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,960 KRUSTY: Oh, look... 269 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,804 Aww... hmm. 270 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,130 {\an8}Oh, look at you, Bart. 271 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:35,465 {\an8}Oh, isn't that fun! 272 00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:38,051 {\an8}Ooh, hey! Whoa! 273 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,137 {\an8}Oh, Fourth of July. 274 00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:43,232 I can't believe that little boy in the pictures is you, Bart. 275 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,649 Yeah. I got a lot of fond memories. 276 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:50,649 Well, look at the time. Almost midnight. 277 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,403 Do you have any yearbooks? 278 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,985 No, that's it. You've seen everything. 279 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,660 So, Milhouse, know any "knock, knock" jokes? 280 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:57,659 (crying) 281 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,830 I want to go home. 282 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,949 Homer, maybe you better take Milhouse home. 283 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,287 Gladly. 284 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,250 Wow! The Concert For Bangladesh. 285 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,627 BART: Good night, Krusty. 286 00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,175 Sorry about your Dad. 287 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,348 Don't worry about me-- I'm a survivor. 288 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:20,428 Hey, did I leave my keys inside? 289 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,473 ALL: No! 290 00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:23,015 Oh, yeah. Here they are. 291 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,099 (laughing) Ehh... 292 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:38,319 KRUSTY: Hmm... ah... uh... ohh! 293 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,616 (gasps) 294 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,329 (groans) 295 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,579 (crying) 296 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,501 ANNOUNCER: Academy Award Playhouse 297 00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,171 now returns you to 298 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,710 "Hercules Versus the Martians." 299 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,876 MAN: Welcome to our spaceship, mighty Hercules. Heh-heh. 300 00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,546 (phone ringing) 301 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:03,636 Hello? Hello?! Anybody there? 302 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,223 What's this? I hear a phone ring, 303 00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,767 and all of a sudden, there's nothing. 304 00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,231 I'm listening, and there's no talking. 305 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,100 Hello. Mister? Who are ya'? 306 00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:11,727 Why would they call ya if they don't want to talk to ya? 307 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:12,984 (sigh) 308 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,935 (phone disconnects) 309 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:18,025 ♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show! ♪ 310 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,992 (grunting) 311 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,119 Huh? 312 00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:26,292 Hee-hee-hee! 313 00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,250 BOTH: Aahh! 314 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,501 (grunting) 315 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,796 (laughing) 316 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,419 Didn't Itchy Junior look happy 317 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,047 playing with his father? 318 00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,094 And didn't Scratchy Junior look happy 319 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,928 playing with his Dad 320 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,683 until they got run over by the thresher? 321 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,306 Wasn't that a beautiful cartoon? 322 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,983 (sobbing) 323 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,732 For the love of God, cut to a commercial! 324 00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:54,984 Poor Krusty! 325 00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,225 The man who envies our family 326 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,108 is the man who needs help. 327 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,945 We've got to do something. 328 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,160 Let's move. 329 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:04,657 Reverend Lovejoy, 330 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,872 we need you to help us find a rabbi. 331 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,502 Well, before you make any rash decisions, 332 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,170 let me just remind you that the church is changing 333 00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:14,209 to meet the needs of today's young Christians. 334 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,803 No, no. We're not converting. 335 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,048 We just want to find a Rabbi Krustofski. 336 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,590 Rabbi Krustofski. Wh-- 337 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,843 I do a radio call-in show with him every Sunday night. 338 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,797 -Really? -I didn't know that. 339 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,967 I mention it in my sermon every week. 340 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,927 Oh, that radio show. 341 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,647 Oh yeah, it's all the kids talk about 342 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,018 on Monday at school. 343 00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:36,654 Well, why don't you have a free T-shirt? 344 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,862 You'll be the coolest kids on the playground. 345 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,494 We'll put them on later. 346 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,820 Now, can you give us the rabbi's address? 347 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,196 Oh, sure thing. 348 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,492 Let me check my non-Christian Rolodex. 349 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,536 LISA: I bet the rabbi misses Krusty. 350 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,330 BART: He'll be so happy, he'll be crying in his beard. 351 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,334 (muttering in Hebrew) 352 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,336 Oh, yes, yes. 353 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,418 LISA: Excuse us, Rabbi Krustofski? 354 00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,804 What can I do for you, my young friend? 355 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,970 We came to talk to you about your son. 356 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,299 I have no son! 357 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:07,465 {\an8}Oh great, we came all this way, and it's the wrong guy. 358 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,055 I didn't mean that literally! 359 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:15,648 {\an8}♪ KBBL, talk radio ♪ 360 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,109 DEEJAY: And, in order to keep our broadcasting license, 361 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,070 we devote Sunday night dead time 362 00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,780 to public service shows of limited appeal. 363 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,611 In that spirit, we bring you Gabbin' About God, 364 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,487 sponsored by Ace Religious Supply, where they say 365 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,235 "If we don't got it, it ain't holy." 366 00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:32,116 With us tonight, once again, our very own three wise men, 367 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,254 Reverend Timothy Lovejoy, Monsignor Kenneth Daly 368 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,081 and Rabbi Hyman Krustofski. 369 00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,706 -Good to see you again. -Nice to see you. 370 00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,674 Okay, our first caller is from Shelbyville Heights. 371 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,255 MAN: Yes, hi. With all the suffering and injustice in the world, 372 00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,681 do you ever wonder if God really exists? 373 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,720 -No. -Not for a second. 374 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,053 Not at all. 375 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,138 Great. Good conversation there. 376 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,393 Our next call now is for the good rabbi. 377 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:54,845 Hello? 378 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:56,395 -(heavy breathing) -Anybody there? 379 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:57,938 I hear breathing, but I don't hear talking. 380 00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,322 What's going on here? Hello, mister? Hello? Hello? 381 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,109 (heavy sighing) 382 00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:05,492 Some people got nothing to do but call people and hang up. 383 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,661 There's all kinds of mishagoyim in the world. 384 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,330 Okay, let's clear the board. Our next caller is 385 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,038 a young boy from right here in Springfield. 386 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:12,788 BART: Hello. My name is Dmitri. 387 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,830 I'm a first-time caller, long-time listener. 388 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,504 My question is... 389 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,132 if a son defies his father and chooses a career 390 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,129 that makes millions of children happy, 391 00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,381 shouldn't the father forgive the son? 392 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,844 -I think so. -Yes, of course. 393 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,344 No way! Absolutely not! Never, never! 394 00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,966 Who screens these calls? Who's in charge here? There's nobody in charge? 395 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,724 They leave a building without people watching it? And anybody-- 396 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:35,175 Don't worry, Lis, I got a plan that can't fail. 397 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,229 Yiddle, my man, you're a genius. 398 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,903 I love my work. 399 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:46,862 Oh, the best charity is to give and not let other people know. 400 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,776 But what if your example encourages others to give? 401 00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,196 MEN: Ahh. 402 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,124 Speaking of charity, Rabbi Krustofski, 403 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,873 don't you think it's time you forgave your son? 404 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,705 Don't you understand that my boy broke my heart! 405 00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,711 He turned his back on our traditions, 406 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,882 on our faith, and on me. 407 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,091 Get out of here, you little pisher. 408 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,881 Oy, this guy's tough. 409 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,625 Bart, we're gonna have to outsmart him. 410 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,426 I don't know. He's pretty sharp. 411 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,300 He saw right through this disguise. 412 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:12,887 What? Saul Bellow? 413 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,852 The Nobel Prize-winning Jewish novelist? 414 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,182 He wants to have lunch with me? 415 00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,266 Ha ha! It's a date. 416 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,562 Izzy's Deli, 1:00. I'll be there. 417 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,976 The French government 418 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:24,234 wants to give me the Legion of Honor? 419 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,856 Where do I receive this prestigious award? 420 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:27,904 Izzy's Deli, 1:00. 421 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,237 Thank you, Monsieur President. 422 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:31,572 Au revoir. 423 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,615 Are you kids ready to order yet? 424 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,075 Sorry, no. 425 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,964 Just get us another bowl of complimentary pickles. 426 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,291 Watch how fast I go. 427 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,837 And for you, sir? 428 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,590 I want a nice sandwich, but the Joey Bishop-- 429 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,553 Too fatty. 430 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,223 The Jackie Mason-- I don't know. Sauerkraut makes me gassy. 431 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,801 The Bruce Willis? 432 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,136 I don't even like his work. 433 00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,021 What is this-- a Krusty the Clown? 434 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,558 Ham, sausage and bacon, with a smidge of mayo. 435 00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:00,102 -What? -On white bread. 436 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,305 Listen! You tell Mr. Saul Bellow 437 00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:03,476 the Nobel Prize-winning Jewish novelist 438 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,074 that I lost my appetite. 439 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:10,824 (Krusty humming "The Marseilles") 440 00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:14,244 Could you direct me to President Francois Mitterand's table? 441 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,044 You think you're funny? 442 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,408 50 million Frenchmen can't be wrong. 443 00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:19,995 (groans) 444 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,370 Bart, we've been going about this all wrong. 445 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:26,048 What's the one thing rabbis prize above everything else? 446 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,628 Those stupid hats? 447 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,053 No, Bart-- knowledge. 448 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,052 LISA: We're gonna hit him where it hurts-- 449 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,724 right in the Judaica. 450 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,635 (imitates thunder) 451 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:42,937 Glub, glub, glub. 452 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,190 "Oh, Noah, Noah, save us, save us!" 453 00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,232 "No!" 454 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,645 This looks good, Bart. 455 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,284 Take it to him. 456 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,990 You I told to go away. 457 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,911 But-- But Rabbi, does it not say in the Babylonian Talmud, 458 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,369 and I quote: 459 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,659 "A child should be pushed aside with the left hand 460 00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:00,003 and drawn closer with the right."? 461 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,409 Yes. 462 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,707 Then doesn't your religion command you 463 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,830 to make up with Krusty? 464 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,087 But in Exodus, the Fifth Commandment says, 465 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,509 "Honor thy father and thy mother." 466 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:10,588 End of story. 467 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,719 -Oh, it's hopeless. -Not quite. 468 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:18,812 I got some dynamite stuff from Rabbi Simon Ben-Eliazar. 469 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:22,519 "At all times let a man be supple as a reed 470 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:25,191 and not rigid as a cedar." 471 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:28,940 Bart, my short, learned friend, the Book of Joshua says, 472 00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:32,954 "You shall meditate on the Torah all day and all night." 473 00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:35,318 (murmured approval) 474 00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:37,275 (yawning) 475 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,446 Hmm... 476 00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,540 Is it not written in the Talmud, 477 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,541 "Who will bring redemption? 478 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,043 The jesters." 479 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,705 Sorry my friend, I'm still not convinced, 480 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,673 and this is hardly the time or place to discuss it. 481 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,223 Here you go, Bart. 482 00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,259 It's a long shot, but that's all I can do 483 00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:58,473 without learning ancient Hebrew. 484 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,765 Bart, I am not gonna learn ancient Hebrew. 485 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,771 Rabbi, did not a great man say, 486 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:11,275 and I quote, "The Jews are a swinging bunch of people. 487 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,278 "I mean, I've heard of persecution 488 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,450 "but what they went through is ridiculous. 489 00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:18,409 "But the great thing is after thousands of years 490 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,160 "of waiting and holding on and fighting, 491 00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,662 they finally made it." 492 00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,123 End quote. 493 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,293 Oh, I never heard the plight of my people 494 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,042 phrased so eloquently. 495 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,334 Who said that? Rabbi Hillel? 496 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,377 -Nope. -Judah the Pious? 497 00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:30,419 -Nope. -Maimonides? 498 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,882 -Nope -Ooh, I got it! 499 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:35,342 -The Dead Sea Scrolls! -I'm afraid not, Rabbi. 500 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,264 It's from "Yes, I Can," by Sammy Davis, Jr. 501 00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:40,102 An entertainer, like your son. 502 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,099 (gasps) The Candy Man? 503 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,101 If a performer can think that way, 504 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,233 maybe I'm completely upside down on this whole problem. 505 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,190 All the years of joy that I've lost. 506 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,191 Why? Because of my stubborn ways. 507 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,733 (crying) 508 00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:54,566 There, there, Rabbi. 509 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,781 It's not too late. 510 00:19:56,862 --> 00:20:00,202 (grunting) 511 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,488 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 512 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,208 Hi, kids. 513 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,578 Today's show's gonna be 514 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:12,085 the funniest, side-splittingest cavalcade of... 515 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,589 Aw, the hell with it. 516 00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,130 Roll the cartoon. 517 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,634 ♪ They bite and fight ♪ 518 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,295 ♪ They fight and fight and bite ♪ 519 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:19,383 ♪ Fight, fight, fight, bight, bight, bight ♪ 520 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:20,338 ♪ The Itchy-- ♪ 521 00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:26,516 Oh, yeah. My old friends, right next to my heart. 522 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,940 Hey, such a filthy habit. 523 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,558 Who asked you? Father? 524 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,806 -Son. -Papa! 525 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,357 -Herschel! -Daddy! 526 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,570 Boychick! 527 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,360 Oh, Daddy! 528 00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:39,905 You're on, Krusty. 529 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:40,948 Oh, uh... 530 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,821 Boys and girls, 531 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,408 I'd like to be serious for a moment, if I may. 532 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,624 Spotlight, please. 533 00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:48,293 I just wanted-- 534 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,542 I just want-- Come on, guys. 535 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,424 I'm not doing the spotlight bit. 536 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:57,421 Let's have a warm Krusty welcome for my estranged father 537 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,296 Rabbi Hyman Krustofski. 538 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,303 (cheering) 539 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,184 Lenny, 540 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,641 a little reconciliation music, if you please. 541 00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:09,392 ♪ Oh, mein papa ♪ 542 00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:12,306 ♪ To me he was so wonderful ♪ 543 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,396 ♪ Oh, mein papa ♪ 544 00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:15,521 Come on, Dad. 545 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:17,727 ♪ To me he was so good ♪ 546 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:18,898 You know the words. 547 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,906 ♪ No one could be ♪ 548 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,869 ♪ So gentle and so loveable ♪ 549 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,580 I got something in my eye. 550 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:27,620 Here, take my hankie. 551 00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:28,833 Ehh! 552 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:33,002 ♪ He always understood ♪♪ 553 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:36,713 We haven't seen each other in 25 years! 554 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,625 Oh, I love you, son. 555 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,264 I love you, too, Daddy. 556 00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,630 Oy, a klop tsu deer! 557 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,258 {\an8}(laughing) 558 00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:49,224 ♪♪ 559 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:51,949 Shh! 560 00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:57,333 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.