1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,755 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:07,901 Aah! 3 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,094 No. No! 4 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,762 No! Bad dog! 5 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,597 Let go! 6 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,641 Bad Santa's Little Helper! 7 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:42,227 Stop it! Not the sports section! 8 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,645 D' 9 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,734 Stupid dog. 10 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,698 No! Stay away. 11 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:56,908 This is not for you. 12 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,993 This is Homer food. 13 00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:05,625 Time to get up, Lisa. 14 00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,252 It's a school day. 15 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:12,257 Lisa, you don't look well. 16 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,675 I'll make it, Mom. 17 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,386 Just tape my lunch box to my hand. 18 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,179 My, you're burning up 19 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,849 and your cheeks are so swollen. 20 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,600 I think you have the mumps. 21 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,060 I'm calling Dr. Hibbert. 22 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,272 Marge, the dog is hungry. 23 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,607 Well, then feed him. 24 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,610 Yes, master. 25 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,696 D' 26 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,535 You're my best friend. 27 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,787 You're my best friend. 28 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,998 You're my best friend. 29 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:52,005 You're my best friend. 30 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,596 Hello, Dr. Hibbert? 31 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,472 This is Marge Simpson. 32 00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,474 Not that I'm angry, 33 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,060 but how did you get my home number? 34 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:09,189 I see. Quite ingenious. 35 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,399 Doctor, I think Lisa has the mumps. 36 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:15,904 Mrs. Simpson, much as I'd like to rely on your diagnosis 37 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:19,282 I think it might be professionally derelict of me to do so. 38 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,242 Let me check my schedule. 39 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:25,121 2:00 is fine. Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. 40 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,248 No way! She's faking! 41 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,417 If Lisa stays home, I stay home. 42 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,920 If Bart stays home, I'm going to school. 43 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,254 Fine. Then... 44 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,298 Wait a minute. If Lisa goes to school, 45 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:36,381 then I go to school. 46 00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:37,967 But then Lisa stays home, 47 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,761 so I stay home, so Lisa goes to school. 48 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,305 Lisa, don't confuse your brother like that. 49 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,932 Have a nice day at school, Bart. 50 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,892 Get my homework from Mrs. Hoover. 51 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:46,975 Homework? 52 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:50,271 Lisa, you wasted chicken pox. 53 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,398 Don't waste the mumps. 54 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,537 Hey, Bart dude. 55 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:07,830 Hey, Otto man. 56 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:08,790 Yo, hairy bro. 57 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,333 Go home, boy. 58 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,334 Go home. 59 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,795 Blah-blah-blah, blah, blah. 60 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,313 You wandering mongrel. 61 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:35,066 Get out of my mom-and-pop operation. 62 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,656 Hello? 63 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,866 Simpson? This is Sylvia Winfield. 64 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,828 That canine of yours is in my pool again. 65 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,746 I'm calling the dog warden right now! 66 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,498 Are you? 67 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:53,334 Well, you go ahead and call your precious dog warden, 68 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,295 you old battle-ax, 69 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:58,006 because my dog is tied up in the backyard. 70 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,717 There's only one family on this block... 71 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,552 No, on Earth... 72 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,305 Inconsiderate enough to let a monster like that roam free. 73 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,098 D' 74 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:10,184 Are you losing your hearing, or are you just stupid? 75 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:13,146 I am going to explain this to you one more time, 76 00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:14,731 and then I'm going to hang up on you. 77 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:18,484 It is not my dog! 78 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:23,406 I tied my dog outside myself! 79 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,534 I am looking at him right... D' 80 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,541 Well, howdly-do, Simpson. Getting a little exercise? 81 00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,126 Good for you, pal. 82 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,878 Look at this old rascal. 83 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,422 He's a wet old baby boy, isn't he? 84 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,215 You're just a water monster. 85 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:45,011 Well, well. Mr. Universe takes a walk. Ha ha. 86 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:47,347 Mr. Universe... I wish. 87 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:51,142 Look at that getup. Heavy hands, ankle weights... 88 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:52,560 That's cute... and... 89 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,271 Assassins! 90 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,815 You betcha. You know, they got the Velcro straps, 91 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,817 a water pump in the tongue, built-in pedometer, 92 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:03,112 reflective sidewalls, and little vanity license plates. 93 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,739 How much? How much? How much? 94 00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:07,492 Well, you know, they're not giving them away, 95 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:10,036 but sometimes you've just got to spoil yourself. 96 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,412 Yeah. 97 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,872 Oop. My heart rate's dropping. 98 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,916 Better skedaddly-do. 99 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,923 Discoloration of the saliva glands... 100 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:23,006 Dear. 101 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,109 Swelling of the parotids... 102 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,551 I knew it. 103 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:28,179 Yeah, looks like little Lisa has the mumps. 104 00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:30,473 I guess you'll be missing a week of school, young lady. 105 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,226 No. I don't want to fall behind my class. 106 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,065 Such responsibility for such a little girl. 107 00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:40,566 What's your favorite subject? 108 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,860 - Arithmetic. - Ho, ho, ho... 109 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,988 Arithmetic. Now before you know it, you'll be back among 110 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:50,576 your polygons, your hypotenuse, and your Euclidean algorithms. 111 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:53,663 Now you get rest and have yourself a wahwee pop. 112 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,208 Yello? 113 00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,544 Hi, Lisa. What's wrong? 114 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:00,753 The mumps? 115 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,672 Ooh, the kissing disease. 116 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,550 My little girl is growing up. 117 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,719 Yuck. Quit it, Dad. 118 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,638 So what does my little girl want? 119 00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:13,433 What? Let me write this down. 120 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:17,395 Copies of "Teen Dream," 121 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:18,729 "Teen Scream," 122 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:22,525 and "Teen Steam" magazine? 123 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:26,571 Well, okay, you're the sickie. Good-bye, Lisa. 124 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,657 Hey, Lenny, I need to leave early. Cover for me, will ya? 125 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:30,740 Hey, sure thing, Homer. 126 00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:41,002 Well, Lisa, here it is... 127 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:43,045 The Bouvier family quilt. 128 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,842 Wow! Neat! It smells historic. 129 00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:49,844 Ooh. 130 00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:52,763 For five generations 131 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:55,349 women in our family have each added a square to it. 132 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,143 Now it's your turn. 133 00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:59,604 But I don't know how to sew. 134 00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,355 Yes, you do. You just don't know it. 135 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,274 The memory of a million drop stitches 136 00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,318 flows in your veins. 137 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,823 Very impressive. 138 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,743 You try it. 139 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,620 You just need to develop a callous. 140 00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,500 You see? 141 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,835 Now that's a sewing finger, honey. 142 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,128 Eww. 143 00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,801 Man. Two dollars? 144 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,763 I'll take these three. 145 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,307 They're for my daughter. 146 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,683 Sure they are. 147 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,101 Wise guy. 148 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,566 Assassins! 149 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:49,028 125 bucks? 150 00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,030 Sometimes you got to spoil yourself... 151 00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,698 spoil yourself... spoil yourself... 152 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,283 But I can't afford... 153 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,285 Simpson! I order you to buy those shoes! 154 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,454 Okay, Flanders, you're the boss. 155 00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,622 This one's mine. 156 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:03,042 "Keep On Truckin'"? What does that mean? 157 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,920 I didn't know then and I don't know now. 158 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,296 Here's your stupid homework. 159 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:11,092 Ooh, phonics, functions, vocabulary... 160 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:13,970 remedial reading? 161 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,055 Do your own homework, Bart. 162 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:17,765 - D' -Here's your magazines. 163 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,518 How many of these guys are named Corey? 164 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,061 Eight. Thanks, Dad. 165 00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:25,940 - Whoa! Assassins! - Yep, read 'em and weep. 166 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,817 Those are very elaborate sneakers. 167 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,027 They better be for 125 big ones. 168 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,071 - D' -$125? 169 00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:32,989 Bart! 170 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,072 - Homer! - D' 171 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,283 I thought we agreed 172 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,410 to consult each other before any major purchases. 173 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,328 Well, you bought all those smoke alarms 174 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,582 and we haven't had a single fire. 175 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:46,377 A manhunt... or should I say a woman hunt... is on... 176 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,589 You know, Joe, yours is the only show I'll do. 177 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,591 ♪♪ 178 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:55,636 As an actor, my eyeballs need to look their whitest. 179 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,388 ♪♪ 180 00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:59,181 It's a penalty kick for... 181 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,867 Shoe lace... 182 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:24,415 No! 183 00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:36,344 Well, Homer, there seems to be 184 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,679 a lot of good obedience schools here. 185 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,515 School, right. Yeah, that's your answer for everything. 186 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:51,609 This one looks very reputable. 187 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:58,366 What lovely handwriting. Have a toffee. 188 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,159 Such a neat dog. Have at them. 189 00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:01,744 Well done. 190 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,371 Aww... 191 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:06,332 Now, if I could borrow Satan's Little Helper. 192 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,793 Santa's Little Helper. 193 00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:11,462 Ladies and gentlemen, most of you already know 194 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:14,256 that with a little love and compassion, 195 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:18,344 any puppy will grow up to be a cuddly little bundle of joy. 196 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:21,263 Stuff and nonsense taught by charlatans 197 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,099 and learned by bloody twits. 198 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,393 Let me tell you the two most important words 199 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,812 you will ever hear in your life. 200 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,480 Choke chain. 201 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,358 You raise a dog the same way you would raise a child: 202 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,777 with simple, authoritative commands. 203 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,154 Lay down! 204 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:40,491 Followed by immediate correction. 205 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:43,411 How can we tell if we're doing this maneuver effectively? 206 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:46,414 The dog's eyes will cross, and his tongue will protrude 207 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,582 and change color, ever so slightly. 208 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,251 Is my dog dead, ma'am? 209 00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:52,294 Ha ha! You don't know how often I am asked that. 210 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,338 Choke chain is a misnomer. 211 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,882 Trust me, they are always breathing. 212 00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,219 Jack, I think the baby might be yours. 213 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,096 I'm sure it is, doll face, 214 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,556 but I'd like to see you prove it. 215 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,850 You treat me like garbage. 216 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,269 That's because that's the way you love it, baby. 217 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,023 Gee, is it always this good? 218 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:16,277 I don't know. I just step in and out. 219 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,987 I'm only watching today 220 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,864 because Brandy is coming out of her coma 221 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:23,242 and she knows the phony prince's body is hidden in the boathouse. 222 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,035 That dog! 223 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,370 Bad dog! 224 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:27,788 Don't worry, Snowball. 225 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,249 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 226 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,512 Mom, what will we do if Santa's Little Helper 227 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:37,214 doesn't learn anything in obedience school? 228 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,591 I don't know. 229 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,928 Father McGrath, I thought you were dead. 230 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:43,846 I was. 231 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,097 ♪♪ 232 00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,403 There are two ways for a dog to relieve himself: 233 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,364 One is like a faithful friend and partner for life. 234 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:05,201 The other is like a hose without a fireman. 235 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:08,078 Which way do you think that was, Mr. Simpson? 236 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,831 Like a hose, your wrinkled highness. 237 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,500 Hyah! 238 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,671 I changed my mind. I decided I don't want these shoes. 239 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,149 Hey, wait a minute. What happened here? 240 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,176 Well, my faithful dog was bringing me my shoes 241 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:24,345 and they fell apart in his mouth. 242 00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:26,031 I'm sorry, sir. Our warranty doesn't cover 243 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:28,265 fire, theft or acts of dog. 244 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,062 Big cookie! 245 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,980 - Aloha. - Well, aloha. 246 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,650 - Would you like a free sample? - The price is right. 247 00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:42,112 Ooh. Macamacdamia nuts. 248 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,865 If you'd like to buy some, they're only a dollar each. 249 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,409 So that's your little plan. 250 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:51,247 Get us addicted, then jack up the price. 251 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,540 Well, you win. 252 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,377 Property of... 253 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,587 Hom-er... 254 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,589 J... 255 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,924 Simps-on. 256 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,384 Hands off! 257 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,690 Look, Mom, I finished my patch. 258 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,483 It depicts the two greatest 259 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,403 musical influences in my life. 260 00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:25,990 On the left is Mr. Largo, my music teacher at school. 261 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:28,826 He taught me that even the noblest concerto 262 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,995 can be drained of its beauty and soul. 263 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:33,581 And on the right is "Bleeding Gums" Murphy. 264 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,250 He taught me that music is like a fire in your belly 265 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,918 that comes out of your mouth 266 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,087 so you better stick an instrument in front of it. 267 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,170 And look. 268 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,344 Oh. 269 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,811 ♪♪ 270 00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:03,694 Come on, Homer. 271 00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,071 I want you to see what your sick little girl did. 272 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,952 My quilt! 273 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:14,371 Six generations, ruined! 274 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,833 Now, Marge. Honey, honey, honey. 275 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,253 Come on. Come on. Don't get upset. 276 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,339 It's not the end of the world. 277 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:27,384 We all loved that quilt, but you can't get too attached to... 278 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,137 My cookie! 279 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,351 This is not happening. This is not happening! 280 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,482 Everybody in the kitchen! We're having a family meeting. 281 00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,025 We never had a family meeting before. 282 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:44,568 We never had a problem 283 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,779 with a family member we can give away before. 284 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,572 Homer, what are you saying? 285 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,990 I'm saying... 286 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,540 No way! You can't give my dog away. 287 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,602 I'll set fire to my hair. I'll rip up all my clothes. 288 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,978 - I'll put sugar in the gas tank. - Bart! 289 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:03,420 I've suffered as much as anyone 290 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,130 at the paws of this dog. 291 00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,050 But when I look into his vacant brown eyes, 292 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:11,261 I just can't bear to let him go. 293 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,138 I'm sure Mom agrees with me. 294 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:16,392 No, I'm afraid I agree with your father. 295 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:17,768 You do? 296 00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:18,851 ♪ Ha ha ha ha ha! ♪ 297 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:22,064 Homer, please. It's not just the quilt. 298 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,149 He's a nice dog, but he chews up everything. 299 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,652 He doesn't obey. He's not even housebroken, 300 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,797 and we've spent all this money on an obedience school, 301 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,739 and I don't see any improvement. 302 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,300 Alright, alright. If Santa's Little Helper 303 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,118 studies real hard, and passes his finals 304 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:36,412 and becomes a perfect dog, 305 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,539 - can we keep him then? - No! 306 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,417 - Dad! - This is our pet. 307 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,420 We can question his integrity and disposition, 308 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:47,089 but we can't question his heart. 309 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,050 Are you trying to teach us that the way to solve a problem 310 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,928 with something you love is to throw it away? 311 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,473 Lisa. 312 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,560 If they're ever going to pull the plug on me, 313 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,854 I want you in my corner, honey. 314 00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,480 All right. 315 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,983 If he passes obedience school, we can keep him. 316 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,401 - All right. - Yay. 317 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,822 See, boy, it's not so hard. 318 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:15,034 Here, roll over. Roll over! 319 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,077 Like this. 320 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,662 Congratulations, Sonny. 321 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,247 You've earned a toffee. 322 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:21,331 Thank you. 323 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,000 You moldy old maid. 324 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:24,960 Homer, can't we place this ad 325 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,254 after the dog fails his test? 326 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,089 No. We have to commit ourselves. 327 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,507 Now take this down. 328 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:34,553 Free to loving home, world's most brilliant dog. 329 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,680 Says "I love you" on command. 330 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:39,183 Type, type. 331 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,894 Now! 332 00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,228 Sit! 333 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,523 I said, "sit." 334 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:50,027 Um, take a walk. Sniff that other dog's butt. 335 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:53,197 See? He does exactly what I tell him. 336 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,532 No. We'd never give him away 337 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,202 but we're moving to another country where dogs are forbidden. 338 00:17:58,285 --> 00:17:59,870 You're what? 339 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,246 Sure. 340 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,790 Come here, boy. 341 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:05,459 Put that prowler down. Come here. Come on, boy. 342 00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,338 Say it, boy. Say "I love you" for the nice man. 343 00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,340 I ruv ru. 344 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,549 Good dog! 345 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,634 Good doggie. 346 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,094 Isn't that amazing? 347 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,596 See you soon. Woo-hoo! 348 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:20,891 A lot of you think your dogs have mastered the "stay" command. 349 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:25,395 Let's see if they can "stay" away from this Beef Wellington. 350 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,815 Now, stay. 351 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,903 Stay, boy! Stay! Stay! 352 00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,404 Stay! 353 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,952 He'd be very happy at my farm. 354 00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:42,412 People think only mules can pull carts. 355 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,039 Impatient people think that. 356 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,708 But patient people know better. 357 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,336 He can pick him up tomorrow. 358 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:55,884 Mrs. Winthrop, I was thinking. 359 00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,806 Dear. 360 00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:04,643 Since you get paid either way, would it be a big deal 361 00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,979 to just let my dog pass? 362 00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:10,774 I see. Rubber stamp, thank you very much, next in line. 363 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:11,900 - Is that it? - Yeah. 364 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,987 Heavens to murgatroid. But! 365 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:19,491 Perhaps I cling to the old ways like a well-chewed shoe, 366 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:22,786 as the traditions I was weaned on are put to sleep 367 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,622 or neutered one by one. 368 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:28,792 But my time has not passed yet! 369 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:32,462 The world does not need another college graduate 370 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,548 who doesn't know how to sit! 371 00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,466 He'll sit, he'll sit. 372 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,093 Come on, boy, sit. 373 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,344 Sit. 374 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,597 Blah-blah, blah-blah. 375 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,223 Pull the chain. 376 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,393 - Correct the dog. - I don't wanna strangle my dog. 377 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,229 Pull the bloody chain, boy! 378 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,737 I'm sorry, boy. You can't help being dumb. 379 00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,448 What are you doing, dear? 380 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,033 Sewing a new quilt. 381 00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:03,118 You know, it's one thing to be a link in a chain. 382 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,078 It's another to start one of your own. 383 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:06,205 Aw... 384 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,915 This patch commemorates 385 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:10,584 the destruction of the old quilt. 386 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:16,048 Well, you certainly captured the moment. Mwah! 387 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:17,591 Come on, boy. 388 00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,635 Sit. 389 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:20,969 Sit... sit... 390 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,764 Sit! Come on, sit! 391 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,474 Man. 392 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,226 Bart, he's not going to learn it now. 393 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:29,019 Don't spend your last hours together 394 00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:31,063 tormenting the poor creature. 395 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:33,523 Have some fun. Frolic with him. 396 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,400 Go get it, boy! 397 00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:01,009 I'm gonna miss you, boy. 398 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:04,012 I thought we were going to be pals forever. 399 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:08,225 But we're going to have to say good-bye, 400 00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:11,019 because you don't understand a single word I say. 401 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,897 If you just knew how important it was to learn... 402 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:15,315 blah blah sit. 403 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,443 Wait a minute, you did it. 404 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,072 Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. 405 00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:23,824 Lay down. 406 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,702 Shake hands? 407 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,871 Stay. 408 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,165 Speak. 409 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,209 All right! Good boy! 410 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,086 Roll over. 411 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:40,424 You son of a bitch. 412 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:41,717 Good show! 413 00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:50,142 Alright. Yay. 414 00:22:02,195 --> 00:22:03,195 ♪♪ 415 00:23:05,258 --> 00:23:06,718 Shh! 416 00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:12,599 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.