1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,756 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,497 Aah! 3 00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:56,806 Well, then let's move on to new business. 4 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,225 Have you taken care of McBain? 5 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,745 You don't have to worry, Senator Mendoza. 6 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:04,564 By now, our dear friend, McBain, has met with a 7 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,275 shall we say, unfortunate accident. 8 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:13,782 Excellent. With McBain out of the way, nothing can stop us. 9 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,743 Any more new business? 10 00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:17,911 Only your deaths. 11 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,788 McBain! 12 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:33,009 Aah, McBain! 13 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,264 Meeting adjourned. 14 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,892 - $2.50 for this? - What a gyp. 15 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:43,353 You certainly broke up that meeting. 16 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,689 Right now, I'm thinking about holding another meeting... 17 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,066 in bed. 18 00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:50,485 McBain. 19 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:56,950 ♪ The rules that constrain other men ♪ 20 00:01:57,033 --> 00:02:00,870 ♪ Mean nothing to McBain... ♪ 21 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,163 Boo! 22 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:06,084 I want to see the manager! 23 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,878 - The screen was too small. - The floor was sticky. 24 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,422 The romantic sub-plot felt tacked on. 25 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,049 In short, we demand a refund! 26 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,760 - Sorry, it's against our policy. - I'll policy you... 27 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,388 Hey, don't have a heart attack, old dude. 28 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:22,058 Don't you... tell me what to do... 29 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,352 you young... 30 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,730 whipper... snapper. 31 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,400 And thank you most of all, for nuclear power 32 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,862 which has yet to cause a single proven fatality... 33 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,114 at least in this country. 34 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,283 - Amen. - Very nicely said, Homer. 35 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:41,077 Dad, Bart ate a green bean during the blessing. 36 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,180 How do you know unless you opened your eyes during the blessing? 37 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,390 Eating is worse than opening eyes. 38 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,582 - Is not. - Is too. 39 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:46,708 - Is not. - Is too. 40 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,877 Quiet you kids! If I hear one more word, 41 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,753 Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, 42 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,314 and Lisa doesn't get to go to college. 43 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,506 - Dad! - Dad! 44 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:54,674 Not one word! 45 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,481 I thought I said knock it off. 46 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,275 - We didn't say anything. - Not one word. 47 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:13,818 No "pantomomime," either. 48 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,529 Telephone, Homer. It's the hospital. 49 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:20,074 The hospital? Hello? 50 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,494 - My God! - Homer, I'm happy to say 51 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,622 that your father only had a mild arrhythmia. 52 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,707 Mild? 53 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:30,710 There wasn't anything mild about it! 54 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,546 Now get back to the pharmacy, you quack! 55 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,716 With that feisty attitude 56 00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:39,719 you'll bury us all, Grampa Simpson. 57 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:43,723 Pull your chair closer, my son. 58 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:44,849 What is it, Dad? 59 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:48,311 P.U., not that close! Eesh! 60 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:52,732 Homer, that heart attack made me realize 61 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,817 that I'm going to die someday. 62 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,487 Dad, you and your imagination. 63 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,447 There's something I think you should know. 64 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:02,825 Homer, you have a half brother. 65 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,911 A half brother? 66 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:09,040 It all happened when I was courting your mother. 67 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:12,252 I was checking out the skirts at the local carnival 68 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,295 when I first saw her. 69 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,799 Hey, handsome, want to dunk the clown? 70 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:20,760 She did things your mother would never do 71 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:23,554 like have sex for money. 72 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,057 A year later, the carnival came back to town 73 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:29,394 and she had a little surprise for me. 74 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,772 We left the baby at the Shelbyville Orphanage, 75 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,733 and I never saw him again. 76 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:39,654 A year later, I married your mother, and we had you. 77 00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:43,783 Abe, I want Homer to grow up respecting his father. 78 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:46,869 He must never know about that... That carnival incident. 79 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,705 - Okay. - Promise you won't tell him. 80 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,373 I promise. 81 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,375 Whoops! Forget what I just told you. 82 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,045 What are you blubbering about? 83 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,298 This makes me feel special, Dad. 84 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:01,301 Since I'm the one you kept, that must mean you really love me. 85 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,720 Interesting theory. 86 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:07,181 I'm going to find my brother. I don't care what it takes. 87 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:10,560 If I have to move Heaven and Earth, I'm going to find him. 88 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,062 Yeah, right. Good luck. 89 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,733 A long lost half brother. How Dickensian. 90 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,901 So, any idea where this bastard lives? 91 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,070 - Bart! - His parent's aren't married, are they? 92 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,697 It's the correct word, isn't it? 93 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,074 I guess he's got us there. 94 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,909 ♪ Bastard, bastard... ♪ 95 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,287 - Bart! - Bart! Bart! 96 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,079 ♪ Bastard, bastard ♪ 97 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,915 2148. This is it. 98 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,418 Excuse me, is this an orphanage? 99 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,045 Ooh, you're a little late, pal. 100 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,380 They tore down the orphanage 30-odd years ago. 101 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,258 30 years? I'll never find him. 102 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,428 I'm doomed to walk through this life alone. 103 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:51,934 Brother, where art thou? 104 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,412 Take it easy, buddy. They moved across the street. 105 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,438 Sorry. 106 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,899 I know how you feel, Mr. Simpson. 107 00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,568 I, myself, have spent years searching 108 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,653 for my long lost twin brother. 109 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,617 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wish I could help you, 110 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,657 but we're looking for my brother today. 111 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,826 Can you tell me his name? 112 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,330 According to our records, a Mr. and Mrs. Powell adopted your brother 113 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:13,915 and named him Herbert. 114 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:17,377 Herbert! Herbert Powell! Great. Where can I find him? 115 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,962 I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to release that information. 116 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,923 Please, please. 117 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:24,133 This is my life we're talking about here. 118 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,595 Well, I do sympathize with your situation, Mr. Simpson. 119 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:29,597 After all, your brother could be anywhere. 120 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,518 - Even Detroit. - I know he could be anywhere! 121 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:36,646 That's why I want you to narrow it down! Please! 122 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:40,274 You know, Mr. Simpson, if you ask me, the city of brotherly love 123 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,485 isn't Philadelphia, it's Detroit. 124 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,612 Well, if you ask me, changing the subject 125 00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,281 makes you the most worthless, heartless excuse 126 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,658 for a human being I ever... 127 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,493 Read between the lines, you fool! 128 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:53,955 I get it! Okay. 129 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,915 Here's 20 bucks. 130 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,792 Now will you tell me where my brother lives? 131 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,937 - Mr. Simpson, I don't want... - Just take it and tell me! 132 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,087 Detroit. He lives in Detroit. 133 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,005 Fine. Thank you. 134 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:06,300 Let's see. Powell, Powell, Powell... 135 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:10,430 Pomerantz, Poole, Popkin, 136 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,558 Potter, Quigley, Quimby, Randolph. 137 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:14,767 Oop, too far. 138 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,395 Here it is... Powell. 139 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,950 - Any luck, Homey? - No. 140 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,870 I called all three Herbert Powells in Detroit. 141 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:38,249 - Nothing. - Well, you want to try that H. Powell? 142 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:39,876 "H"! Of course! 143 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,253 That could stand for Herbert. 144 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:43,796 It's a long shot, but... 145 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,633 Hello? 146 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,803 - Is this H. Powell of Detroit, Michigan? - Yeah. 147 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,097 By any chance does the "H" stand for Herbert? 148 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,181 Yeah. 149 00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,767 Wahoo! The "H" stands for Herbert! 150 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,394 Herb, were you adopted? 151 00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,937 Yeah. 152 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,231 From the Shelbyville Orphanage? 153 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,357 How did you know that? 154 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,359 Because... 155 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,653 I'm your baby brother, Homer. 156 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,906 Hello. Hello? 157 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,324 Hello? Stupid phone! 158 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,451 Hey, hey! Knock it off, I'm here! 159 00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,036 I'm just silent because 160 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,662 - of the emotion involved. - Sorry. 161 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,414 Homer, I think we need to get together. 162 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,540 Okay, brother. 163 00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:21,918 Grab the next plane to Springfield. 164 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,061 We got a couch that folds out. 165 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,170 I'll tell you what. 166 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,838 Why don't you come here? 167 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:34,013 - BART, LISA: Are we there yet? - Just a little furth... 168 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,407 - Are we there yet? - Just a little fur... 169 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,225 - Are we there yet? - Just a little further! 170 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,018 Bart! Lisa! If you don't behave, 171 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,062 we'll turn this car right around and go home. 172 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:43,147 But, Marge, I want to see my brother. 173 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,691 For God's sakes, Homer, it's an empty threat. 174 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,486 D' 175 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,408 Did you know you were going... 176 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,452 Sorry, sir. 177 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,954 I didn't know it was you. 178 00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,081 That's okay. Carry on. 179 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:03,084 See the way I handled that, Marge? 180 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,799 Wow! What are you doing here? 181 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,384 What does it look like? 182 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,720 D' 183 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,352 D'Every day we're losing ground to the Japanese, and I wanna know why? 184 00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,229 Unfair trade practices? 185 00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,398 Mushy-headed one-worlders in Washington? 186 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:29,110 - Some sort of Gypsy curse? - I'm tired of excuses. 187 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:30,861 Why did I ever hire you Harvard deadheads? 188 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,196 Because you went there, sir. 189 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,366 Yeah, but Mommy and Daddy didn't pay my way. 190 00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:37,702 I had to work my way through washing your dishes 191 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,203 and scrubbing your toilets. 192 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,163 Yeah, now I remember you. 193 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,100 Have you come up with a name for our new economy model? 194 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,417 You're gonna love this, chief... 195 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,043 The Persephone. 196 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,212 Persephone? 197 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,047 What the hell kind of name is Persephone? 198 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:53,050 She was the Greek goddess of spring and rebirth. 199 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,844 - D' -And get this sir. 200 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,555 She was carried off to Hades by the king of the underworld. 201 00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,390 While there, she ate six pomegranates... 202 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:00,725 People don't want cars 203 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:03,894 named after hungry, old Greek broads! 204 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:06,230 They want names like Mustang 205 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,398 and Cheetah... 206 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,734 Vicious animal names. 207 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,945 The problem with you guys is you've forgotten your roots! 208 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,739 You? What are your roots? 209 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:16,407 Well, I guess you could say they extend 210 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,743 to when the Anglos met the Saxons. 211 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,579 In other words, when white met bread. 212 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,623 Sir, we'd love to know what your roots are, 213 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,124 and what they have to teach us. 214 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,293 I have no roots. 215 00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,754 All I know is that... 216 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,881 I'm just... 217 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,382 a lonely guy. 218 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,259 Aww! 219 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:38,095 - What's he so upset about? - Good Lord. 220 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:41,891 Marge, this can't be the right address. 221 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,145 Hello, in there. 222 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,229 Homer? 223 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,149 Herb? 224 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,044 - You look just like... - You look just like... 225 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,254 - Except you got a little less... - Except you got a little more... 226 00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:56,322 - And a little more... - And a little less... 227 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,616 - God, I feel so... - God, I feel so... 228 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,619 - Homer! - Herbert! 229 00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,371 - Homer! - Herbert. 230 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,331 Welcome to my home, brother. 231 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:07,917 Holy moly, the bastard's rich! 232 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,378 Herb, allow me to introduce my family. 233 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:11,796 This is my wife, Marge. 234 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:14,090 - Hello. - Hello! 235 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:17,385 - You old dog! She's gorgeous. - Thank you. 236 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:20,930 And our three children... Bart, Lisa and Maggie. 237 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,682 - Hello, sir. - Hello, Mr. Powell. 238 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:23,808 All born in wedlock? 239 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,726 Yeah, though the boy was a close call. 240 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,354 So, Lisa, 241 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:29,897 are you the little hell-raiser 242 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,023 your father told me about? 243 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,025 No, sir, I can assure you, I'm not. 244 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,860 I'm the little hell-raiser, sir. 245 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,946 Would you like to hold the baby, Herb? 246 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,364 I'm afraid I wouldn't know how. 247 00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:40,449 What's to know? 248 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,577 Just dive in. Catch! 249 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,747 God, that new-baby smell. 250 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,583 Homer, you're the richest man I know. 251 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,044 I feel the same about you. 252 00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,464 While you're here, I want you to make yourselves right at home. 253 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:59,009 Any time you're hungry, anytime day or night, 254 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,594 Cook will make you anything you want. 255 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,763 - Even pork chops? - Absolutely. 256 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:06,100 We have a tennis court, a swimming pool, a screening room. 257 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,978 If I want pork chops even in the middle of the night, 258 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,479 your guy will fry them up? 259 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,481 Sure. That's what he's paid for. 260 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,109 Now, if you need towels, laundry, maids... 261 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:18,446 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Let me see if I got this straight. 262 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,489 It's Christmas day, 4 a.m. 263 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,991 There's a rumble in my stomach... 264 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,993 Homer, please. 265 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,245 Your old man sure loves pork chops. 266 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,038 He sure does, Uncle Herb. 267 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:31,625 Bart, Uncle Herb sounds so formal. 268 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,502 Do you think you could call me... 269 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,629 - Uncie Herb? - No problemo, Uncie Herb. 270 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,673 Ha! He's adorable. 271 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,383 My nephew's adorable. 272 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,801 Marco. 273 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:41,802 Polo. 274 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,095 - Marco! - Polo. 275 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,513 Will you kids shut up? 276 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,308 So, Marge, a little about yourself. 277 00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:50,102 Well, I met Homer in high school. 278 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:53,481 We got married and had three beautiful children. 279 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,983 Wow, we have so much catching up to do. 280 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:59,987 Actually, I just told you pretty much everything. 281 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,947 - Watch me dive! - Watch me dive! 282 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,783 - Watch me dive! - Okay, we're watching! 283 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,785 I hope we're not spoiling them. 284 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,971 - Man, you weren't watching! - You didn't see what I did! 285 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:10,115 - I did a double whammy... - You didn't watch me dive! 286 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,465 A millionaire? 287 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:22,092 I kept the wrong one. Look, son, 288 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,220 I'll come as soon as I can get out of here. 289 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,304 In the meantime, 290 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:28,682 please don't do anything stupid. 291 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,273 Uncie Herb, can I spit over the side? 292 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,567 I love this kid. 293 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,944 Hock your brains out. 294 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,448 Ho, got him! 295 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,660 Hello, Cook? Sorry to bother you so late, 296 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,620 but I got a hankering for some... 297 00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:51,789 That's right! Don't forget the applesauce. 298 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,752 Okay, Homer. Pick out any one you want. 299 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,129 Are you sure you want to give me a car? 300 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,757 Hey, you know what these things cost me? 301 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,552 There's maybe 40 bucks' worth of steel in them. 302 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,095 Okay. 303 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,930 I'd like a big one then. 304 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,849 - We don't have a big one. - Why not? 305 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,101 Because Americans don't want big cars. 306 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,144 Well, then give me one with lots of pep. 307 00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,063 Sorry, our cars don't have pep. 308 00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:17,690 - Why not? - Because... 309 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,441 Americans want good mileage, not pep. 310 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,527 Homer, tell the nice man 311 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,863 - what country you come from. - America. 312 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,781 Do you hear that, ya morons? 313 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,200 This is why we're getting killed in the marketplace! 314 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,202 Instead of listening to what people want, 315 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,787 you're telling them what they want. 316 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,082 Homer, I need your help. 317 00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:37,251 - You do? - Yeah. 318 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:41,755 I want you to help me design a car... 319 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:45,134 A car for all the Homer Simpsons out there, 320 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:49,179 and I want to pay you $200,000 a year! 321 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,764 And I want to let you! 322 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,895 Homer, meet my team of engineers. 323 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,898 - They're gonna build your car. - Hiya, team. 324 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,567 Now boys and girls, this project is our top priority. 325 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,444 Everything else is on hold. 326 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,088 I don't wanna see anything until it's finished. 327 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,196 But, sir... 328 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,282 Bup-bup-bup-bup! 329 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,160 Direct all your questions to Mr. Homer Simpson, 330 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,245 the man with the vision. 331 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,248 The man who's going to bust this company out of its rut. 332 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:20,127 The man who's going to change American transportation forever. 333 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,464 So, what kind of car would you like, Mr. Simpson? 334 00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:24,673 I don't know. 335 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,092 Whatever you kids want to do today, 336 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,219 - you just tell Uncie Herb. - Dear. 337 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,930 I want to go on a pony ride, Uncie Herb. 338 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,681 I want to go on a boat ride, Uncie Herb. 339 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,808 - Pony ride. Pony ride. - Boat ride. Boat ride. 340 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:35,892 - Pony ride. - Boat ride. 341 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,855 - Ahoy, mateys! - Yee-ha! 342 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,108 Kids are so easy to please. 343 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,235 I really hope we're not spoiling them. 344 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,236 Nah. 345 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,988 What's that? 346 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,324 - The on-board computer. - Right. 347 00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:52,242 Ooh! What's that do-hickey? 348 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,679 Mr. Simpson, your brother told you to help us with this car. 349 00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,372 - Now, didn't he? - Yeah, he did. 350 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:59,917 Well, then, why don't you get us some coffee? 351 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,002 Okay. 352 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:05,214 Batting ninth... Uncie Herb! 353 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,466 Boy. 354 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:08,926 Hey Homer, how's your car coming? 355 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,469 Fine. We're putting in 356 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,971 an on-board something or other, 357 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,889 and rack-and-peanut steering, I guess. 358 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,600 Homer. 359 00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,894 You didn't ask for rack-and-pinion steering, did you? 360 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,146 - Yeah, I think I did. - How could you ask for it? 361 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,606 You don't even know what it is. 362 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,900 You just called it rack-and-peanut steering. 363 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,777 - May I be excused please? - No. 364 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,946 Homer, do you know why I gave you this job? 365 00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,656 'Cause you think I'm a genius? 366 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,116 Nah, I don't think you're a genius. 367 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,534 'Cause you think I'm dynamic? 368 00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,035 I don't think you're dynamic. 369 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,913 - You think I work well with others? - No, no, no. 370 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,266 Homer, I gave you this job because you're an average schmo! 371 00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,626 - Great. - All you need is a little self-confidence. 372 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:45,379 Uncie Herb, I don't know anything about cars... 373 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,756 Listen to me. Here's what you do. 374 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,925 From now on, before you say anything, 375 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,218 say to yourself: 376 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:53,303 "If I was ever sure of anything, 377 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:54,555 I'm sure of this." 378 00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:56,265 - Do you understand? - Sort of. 379 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,725 - Homer? - What? 380 00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,643 Answer me again with self-confidence. 381 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,937 - Sort of! - Now go get 'em! 382 00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:06,994 All right, you eggheads! I want a place in this car to put my drink! 383 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,736 Sir, the car has a beverage holder. 384 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,113 Hello? Hello, Einstein? 385 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,490 I said a place to put my drink! 386 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,035 You know those super-slackers they sell in the Quickie Mart? 387 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,078 The cup is this big. 388 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,706 - Extremely large beverage holder. - And I'm not done yet. 389 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,666 You know that little ball you put on the aerial 390 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,310 so you can find your car in the parking lot? 391 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:25,711 That should be on every car. 392 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,588 Little ball... 393 00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:30,424 And some things are so snazzy they never go out of style, 394 00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:33,510 like tail fins and bubble domes, and shag carpeting. 395 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,387 I've got to call the boss. 396 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,932 Yello? Well, you know what? 397 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,060 I'm glad you're nervous, 398 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,863 because that means we're on the right track. 399 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,649 All right, all right! 400 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,359 Okay this is what you're going to do. 401 00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,361 You're going to hang up, call me back 402 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,030 and say the exact opposite 403 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,865 of everything you just said. Good-bye. 404 00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,533 Bart, Lisa, come over here. 405 00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,452 - What is it, Uncie Herb? - I want you to hear 406 00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,346 what the guys down at the plant think of your old man. 407 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,497 Yello? 408 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:05,250 Um, Homer Simpson is a brilliant man 409 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:09,254 with lots of well-thought-out, practical ideas. 410 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,466 He is ensuring the financial security of this company 411 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,134 for years to come... Yes! 412 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,929 And his personal hygiene is above reproach. 413 00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,765 - Whoa. Our Dad's the greatest. - All right. 414 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,517 - Homer, I'm impressed. - Way to go, Dad. 415 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,976 - Pretty good? - Yeah. 416 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,646 I want a horn here, here and here. 417 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,107 You can never find your horn when you're mad. 418 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,943 And they should all play "La Cucaracha." 419 00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,194 Can do, Mr. S. 420 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,196 And sometimes the kids are in the back seat. 421 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,532 They're hollering. They're making you nuts. 422 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,826 There's gotta be something you can do about that. 423 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,370 Maybe a built-in video game would keep them entertained? 424 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,039 You're fired! What is my brother paying you for? 425 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,543 What about a separate soundproof bubble dome for the kids, 426 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,795 with optional restraints and muzzles? 427 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,172 Bull's-eye! And another thing. When I gun the motor, 428 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,467 I want people to think the world is coming to an end. 429 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,136 Vroom-vroom-vroom! 430 00:18:58,554 --> 00:18:59,555 The mouse is named Itchy, 431 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,431 and the cat is named Scratchy. 432 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,600 They hate each other. 433 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,120 And they're not shy about expressing it. 434 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,186 Good, good, good, good. 435 00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:22,286 Whoo-hoo! 436 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:23,996 To think I wasted my life 437 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,456 in board rooms and stockholders meetings 438 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,251 when I could have been watching cartoons! 439 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,837 This old fool has wasted his life. 440 00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:47,102 Hello there. 441 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,204 Do you miss the Antarctic? 442 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,522 Now this is spoiling them. 443 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:57,446 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 444 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:06,079 ♪♪ -Ladies and gentlemen, 445 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:08,290 esteemed stockholders, 446 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:09,666 members of the press, 447 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,085 Your Holiness, 448 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:16,673 tonight, we are going to witness automotive history. 449 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,883 ♪♪ 450 00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,052 ♪ Whatever Homer wants... ♪ 451 00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:22,095 All my life, I have searched for a car 452 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,847 that feels a certain way... 453 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,058 ♪ Homer gets ♪ 454 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,517 Powerful like a gorilla, 455 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:30,145 yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball. 456 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,356 Now, at last, I have found it. 457 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,776 Ladies and gentlemen, 458 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:39,321 presenting the car designed for the average man... 459 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:40,697 the Homer. 460 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:47,955 Any questions? 461 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,915 What does this monstrosity cost? 462 00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:52,668 Jerry, what's the sticker price? 463 00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:57,130 $82,000? 464 00:20:57,214 --> 00:21:01,677 This monstrosity cost $82,000? 465 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,554 What have I done? 466 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:07,099 I mean, the zoo was fun, but... 467 00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:08,725 I'm ruined! 468 00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,650 - Bye, Uncie Herb. - Bye, Uncie Herb. 469 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,902 - Good-bye, Herb. - Gee, Herb, 470 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,988 because of me, you lost your business, 471 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:23,323 your home, and all your possessions. 472 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:27,035 I can't help but think that maybe you would have been better off 473 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,704 if I'd never come into your life. 474 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:30,372 Maybe I would have been better off? 475 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:33,417 Maybe? Why, you spongehead! 476 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,752 Of course I'd have been better off! 477 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:40,215 As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother. 478 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:43,593 Well, maybe he just said that to make conversation. 479 00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,929 His life was an unbridled success 480 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:48,890 until he found out he was a Simpson. 481 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,311 I'm here. 482 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,372 Now, where's that millionaire chip off the old block 483 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:55,897 I call sonny boy? 484 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,567 Get in, Dad. I'll explain on the way home. 485 00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:02,362 D' I knew you'd blow it. 486 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,825 - Dad? - What is it, boy? 487 00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:10,537 - I thought your car was really cool. - Thanks, boy. 488 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:13,206 I was waiting for someone to say that. 489 00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,376 ♪♪ 490 00:22:59,753 --> 00:23:01,296 Shh! 491 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,511 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.