1 00:00:28,610 --> 00:00:30,245 Where's Reverend Lovejoy? 2 00:00:30,294 --> 00:00:32,684 He's never been late for christmas service. 3 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,294 Maybe he's cheating on us with the episcopalians. 4 00:00:35,628 --> 00:00:40,066 Look at 'em, with their bright, airy narthex and light, flaky eucharist. 5 00:00:40,275 --> 00:00:43,226 I wouldn't mind dipping my hand in their font. 6 00:00:47,161 --> 00:00:48,704 Christ is born; who's on my horn? 7 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,062 Bad news, Ned. 8 00:00:50,124 --> 00:00:51,906 There's been a horrible train wreck. 9 00:00:53,983 --> 00:00:57,476 So many little plastic christmases ruined. 10 00:00:58,067 --> 00:01:00,219 You want me to deliver the christmas sermon? 11 00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:03,022 I feel like I'm born again again! 12 00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:08,953 Now, don't be nervous, Ned. 13 00:01:09,053 --> 00:01:11,257 You've practiced this so many times in the shower. 14 00:01:12,387 --> 00:01:13,470 Paper cut! 15 00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:20,209 Now there's no one to deliver the sermon. 16 00:01:20,295 --> 00:01:22,151 Did anyone order a hero? 17 00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:31,787 Okay, christmas... christmas... 18 00:01:32,113 --> 00:01:34,117 you know how your paper boy always sends you 19 00:01:34,191 --> 00:01:36,256 a christmas card with his home address on it? 20 00:01:36,453 --> 00:01:37,523 What's up with that? 21 00:01:37,633 --> 00:01:39,491 I wanted you to tip me! 22 00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:42,036 No tip till they bring back hagar the horrible. 23 00:01:42,250 --> 00:01:43,737 That's not my decision. 24 00:01:43,934 --> 00:01:46,306 It's never anybody's decision. 25 00:01:47,753 --> 00:01:48,441 Anyhoo... 26 00:01:48,712 --> 00:01:53,347 I'd like to tell you all a little story I call "the first christmas." 27 00:01:55,194 --> 00:01:58,108 I, for one, am dying to hear it. 28 00:01:58,195 --> 00:02:03,690 A carpenter named Joseph was about to get some frankly preposterous news. 29 00:02:04,344 --> 00:02:07,567 Joseph, you know I have never lain with a man. 30 00:02:07,678 --> 00:02:09,018 Tell me about it. 31 00:02:09,190 --> 00:02:11,464 And yet, I am with child. 32 00:02:12,026 --> 00:02:14,135 A pregnant virgin?! 33 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:16,480 That's every man's worst nightmare. 34 00:02:18,191 --> 00:02:20,163 Hail Mary, full of grace. 35 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,922 That's not all she's full of. 36 00:02:21,959 --> 00:02:24,651 Quiet, you. Mary, you carry in your womb 37 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:28,625 the son of god, who will grow up to become king of the jews. 38 00:02:28,675 --> 00:02:30,457 So, not a doctor... 39 00:02:30,470 --> 00:02:32,637 well, he will be able to heal the sick. 40 00:02:32,759 --> 00:02:34,617 But nothing to hang on the wall. 41 00:02:39,369 --> 00:02:43,826 King Herod, we three wise men come bearing gifts for the king of the jews. 42 00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:45,332 We bring gold... 43 00:02:45,663 --> 00:02:46,634 Frankincense... 44 00:02:46,788 --> 00:02:50,699 and myrrh, which I am re-gifting, 'cause who needs myrrh? 45 00:02:50,763 --> 00:02:52,275 Here's the tag. 46 00:02:52,388 --> 00:02:53,163 Thank you. 47 00:02:53,355 --> 00:02:55,081 Which one should I open first? 48 00:02:56,645 --> 00:02:58,563 This is awkward. 49 00:02:59,754 --> 00:03:03,939 The king of the jews we seek is, a newborn child. 50 00:03:04,144 --> 00:03:08,605 Find this pretender to my throne and bring him to me. 51 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,113 Now you wouldn't hurt the little boychik. 52 00:03:11,338 --> 00:03:12,605 Of course not. 53 00:03:12,922 --> 00:03:14,754 Kings don't hurt babies. 54 00:03:14,934 --> 00:03:17,149 Giant pointy swords hurt babies. 55 00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:20,359 Good king Herod! 56 00:03:20,396 --> 00:03:22,941 Except you don't really have the "good," so... 57 00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:24,675 what do you have, really, then? 58 00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:29,676 Now, don't you worry. 59 00:03:29,725 --> 00:03:31,440 I got plenty of rooms at my inn. 60 00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:33,100 All with brand-new carpeting. 61 00:03:33,192 --> 00:03:35,113 I think my water just broke! 62 00:03:35,153 --> 00:03:36,161 You can have the barn. 63 00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:39,100 Now feel free to come by the main house for breakfast. 64 00:03:39,398 --> 00:03:40,443 There won't be any. 65 00:03:47,184 --> 00:03:48,823 Just keep pushing, sweetie. 66 00:03:48,884 --> 00:03:50,544 The doctor will be here any second. 67 00:03:50,581 --> 00:03:52,397 Shalom, everybody. 68 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,699 I've got some very good news. 69 00:03:56,733 --> 00:04:00,534 Caesar just invented the cesarean. 70 00:04:01,726 --> 00:04:03,506 Get him out of here! 71 00:04:09,329 --> 00:04:12,679 I knew I'd like him, but I never dreamed I'd adore him. 72 00:04:12,783 --> 00:04:14,566 I've got the messiah's nose. 73 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,303 I've got the messiah's nose. 74 00:04:16,359 --> 00:04:16,961 Give it back. 75 00:04:16,998 --> 00:04:17,478 Give it back. 76 00:04:17,545 --> 00:04:18,573 He'll kill us all! 77 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,165 He looks just like his dad. 78 00:04:22,421 --> 00:04:23,359 Not you! 79 00:04:23,458 --> 00:04:26,839 I'm not the father, I'm not a wise man, I'm nothing. 80 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,487 This is the worst christmas ever. 81 00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:34,343 Maybe a little toot off the old wine skin'll cheer me up. 82 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,426 My wine turned into water! 83 00:04:42,589 --> 00:04:44,781 Who could have performed such a cruel miracle? 84 00:04:45,879 --> 00:04:46,995 why, you little...! 85 00:04:48,183 --> 00:04:49,310 Joseph, no! 86 00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:51,430 He has to stay alive till he's 33, 87 00:04:51,472 --> 00:04:53,976 when he'll be renounced by his friends and crucified. 88 00:04:54,924 --> 00:04:55,613 Sorry, kid. 89 00:05:00,215 --> 00:05:03,906 Anytime anyone suffers in the world, he starts crying again. 90 00:05:04,047 --> 00:05:05,278 Can you do something? 91 00:05:05,444 --> 00:05:08,543 Me? But I'm watching the orange bowl. 92 00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:11,052 Now! 93 00:05:24,748 --> 00:05:26,657 You like physical comedy? 94 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:27,961 Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk... 95 00:05:28,224 --> 00:05:30,666 A... wise man? 96 00:05:30,845 --> 00:05:31,492 Pick two! 97 00:05:36,362 --> 00:05:37,594 why, I oughta... 98 00:05:39,747 --> 00:05:40,696 now, hold still. 99 00:05:52,205 --> 00:05:55,961 I think this nontraditional household just might make it. 100 00:05:57,908 --> 00:06:01,205 Jesus, Mary and Joseph we got a great family. 101 00:06:01,304 --> 00:06:02,849 Now, let's get some sleep. 102 00:06:03,105 --> 00:06:04,796 Herod is coming for the child. 103 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:06,155 Manger danger! 104 00:06:06,203 --> 00:06:07,340 Manger danger! 105 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,012 The kid you're looking for is in there. 106 00:06:11,146 --> 00:06:14,078 The other tenants have been complaining about the incessant swaddling 107 00:06:14,189 --> 00:06:15,618 all hours, day and night. 108 00:06:16,089 --> 00:06:19,110 Gee, chief, I feel pretty bad, trying to take out a baby. 109 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,355 Don't worry, boys. 110 00:06:20,536 --> 00:06:23,239 No one will ever speak or write of this again. 111 00:06:24,846 --> 00:06:26,651 What a boffo beginning for my book! 112 00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:32,453 There they are. 113 00:06:32,486 --> 00:06:33,665 I see his head dealy. 114 00:06:33,944 --> 00:06:35,142 Follow that glow! 115 00:06:39,271 --> 00:06:40,711 They put his halo on a duck. 116 00:06:41,124 --> 00:06:42,595 The oldest trick in the book. 117 00:06:44,042 --> 00:06:44,970 What the hell are you doing? 118 00:06:45,078 --> 00:06:46,403 Well, he does have a halo. 119 00:06:46,691 --> 00:06:48,131 Hail, quackie! 120 00:06:54,764 --> 00:06:56,893 That ought to spruce things up. 121 00:07:09,494 --> 00:07:11,914 What a beautiful hanukkah bush! 122 00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:14,694 I say we call it a "christmas tree." 123 00:07:15,758 --> 00:07:16,979 A christmas tree... 124 00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:18,464 what a great name. 125 00:07:18,577 --> 00:07:20,914 Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. 126 00:07:23,961 --> 00:07:25,091 And did you know... 127 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:30,675 That little baby Jesus grew up to be... Jesus? 128 00:07:32,796 --> 00:07:33,704 I know. 129 00:07:33,793 --> 00:07:35,056 It's weird, isn't it? 130 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:43,207 The energizer bunny christmas special. 131 00:07:44,777 --> 00:07:47,239 I don't know why I'm so run down. 132 00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:49,667 I must be low on christmas spirit. 133 00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:51,871 It's 'cause you're using regular batteries. 134 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:54,109 You forgot about energizer ultra! 135 00:07:54,128 --> 00:07:56,080 Now let me crawl inside you. 136 00:07:57,224 --> 00:07:59,134 Cold... so cold. 137 00:08:01,985 --> 00:08:02,945 It's santa! 138 00:08:05,091 --> 00:08:06,040 Grampa?! 139 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:07,733 What are you doing in the chimney? 140 00:08:07,874 --> 00:08:09,345 Trying to kill Santa. 141 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,152 What's it to ya?! 142 00:08:10,236 --> 00:08:11,540 What do you have against Santa? 143 00:08:11,635 --> 00:08:15,183 He screwed me over back in WWII! 144 00:08:15,470 --> 00:08:17,812 I was a navy pilot in the Pacific. 145 00:08:18,090 --> 00:08:20,953 Bart, why'd you ask him a follow-up question? 146 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:22,417 It just slipped out! 147 00:08:22,474 --> 00:08:27,639 Yep, I was a navy pilot in the Pacific, along with my big brother cyrus. 148 00:08:27,923 --> 00:08:30,150 Cyrus? You never mentioned him before. 149 00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:34,850 And I'll never mention him again, but I loved him all the same. 150 00:08:35,374 --> 00:08:37,158 Okay, Abe, let's win this war quick, 151 00:08:37,359 --> 00:08:40,468 so we can go home and slowly give black folks more rights. 152 00:08:44,447 --> 00:08:45,803 Kamikazes at two o'clock! 153 00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:48,695 Well, I don't usually drink after lunch, but... oh, my god! 154 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:51,436 The sky is full of that kind of plane that crashes into the boat! 155 00:08:53,998 --> 00:08:56,148 Cyrus, you be careful up there. 156 00:08:56,210 --> 00:08:59,289 Nah, I'm not worried, not as long as I have my good luck charm. 157 00:09:05,231 --> 00:09:07,803 Good thing I stole two of these off dead soldiers. 158 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:16,703 Lieutenant, radio my brother and tell him to watch his tail! 159 00:09:16,982 --> 00:09:17,603 Quiet, you. 160 00:09:17,614 --> 00:09:19,069 I'm talking to my best gal. 161 00:09:19,414 --> 00:09:21,105 I miss you, too, Bernadette. 162 00:09:21,176 --> 00:09:22,250 You hang up first. 163 00:09:22,446 --> 00:09:25,212 No... you hang up firsT. 164 00:09:25,241 --> 00:09:26,060 No. 165 00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:27,540 You hang up first. 166 00:09:27,990 --> 00:09:28,880 No. 167 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,490 You hang up first. 168 00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,380 Cyrus! 169 00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:49,130 You'll pay for that, you haiku-spouting savages! 170 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,240 I wish I tried reefer! 171 00:10:27,490 --> 00:10:29,420 Quit lollygagging and build a fire! 172 00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:31,160 I don't have to listen to you. 173 00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:33,170 On this island, military rank means nothing. 174 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,950 We're in a state of nature where the strong of will control the weak. 175 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,450 How dare you drown the king of New Burns Island! 176 00:10:44,630 --> 00:10:48,590 How'd you like to be the archduke in charge of coconuts? 177 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:51,970 No! I give up! 178 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,020 I give up! 179 00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,550 Days turned to weeks. 180 00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:57,930 Weeks turned to months. 181 00:10:58,140 --> 00:10:59,990 Months turned back to days. 182 00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,630 Even burns was starting to look good to me. 183 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,130 Hey, sailor, my eyes are up here. 184 00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:14,870 By christmas eve, our hopes of rescue were fading. 185 00:11:16,990 --> 00:11:18,970 You know, Simpson, we've had our dustups, 186 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,070 so I've made you a little peace offering. 187 00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:25,030 A shaving kit? 188 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:27,030 Is this pomade? 189 00:11:27,050 --> 00:11:30,460 It's nothing really, just seagull brains and snail goo. 190 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:31,740 Thanks, lieutenant. 191 00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:33,360 Merry christmas. 192 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,540 Incoming! 193 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:36,740 Is it one of ours? 194 00:11:36,890 --> 00:11:38,220 Who cares? It's christmas. 195 00:11:38,420 --> 00:11:39,370 I want to shoot something. 196 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,340 What in the name of the Tennessee valley authority? 197 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,460 Donder! Blitzen! 198 00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:55,360 He's german. 199 00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:56,260 That's good eatin'. 200 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,010 You useless waste of socks! 201 00:11:58,110 --> 00:11:59,060 That ain't no kraut! 202 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,290 We just shot down santa claus! 203 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,720 Oh, thank you, boys. 204 00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,720 I guess I must have run into a sudden storm. 205 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,610 Yes, yes. 206 00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:09,310 Everything happens to you. 207 00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,690 My sleigh! It's ruined! 208 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:12,940 Well, we'll get you up and running 209 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,990 or my name ain't young grampa Simpson! 210 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,440 Boys, I'm almost ready. 211 00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:40,270 I'm just missing Prancer... 212 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,320 and Rudolph. 213 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:49,900 And now to bring joy to boys and girls around the world. 214 00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:53,610 Damn it! 215 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,410 Sorry, chuckles, change of plan. 216 00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:57,530 This sleigh is my ticket off this hellhole. 217 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,690 And I'm keeping all the toys for myself! 218 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,030 Because, at heart, I'm just a very wicked child. 219 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,170 You backstabber! 220 00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:11,830 And I let you spoon me. 221 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:22,260 Let's go, you flying hat rack! 222 00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:40,660 Come on, baby! 223 00:13:53,570 --> 00:13:55,020 Somebody should have beat 224 00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:56,420 you with a tricycle years ago! 225 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,850 Thanks for everything, Abe. 226 00:14:02,180 --> 00:14:03,480 And now I'm off. 227 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,600 I'll be back in a few days 228 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,340 to take you ho-ho-home! 229 00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:14,070 Well, that's the craziest thing I'll ever see. 230 00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:16,170 Except for that! 231 00:14:16,820 --> 00:14:18,070 I waited and waited. 232 00:14:18,220 --> 00:14:19,640 But santa never came back. 233 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,720 If I hadn't invented a jet ski made 234 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,040 of coconuts, I'd have never gotten home. 235 00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:26,180 And then when I did, the war was over 236 00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,360 and the nurses were all kissed out. 237 00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:31,630 That's quite a tale, grampa. 238 00:14:31,790 --> 00:14:33,110 You little... 239 00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:35,000 It's true, I tells ya! 240 00:14:35,980 --> 00:14:36,630 It's Santa! 241 00:14:38,030 --> 00:14:40,570 I got an old score to settle. 242 00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:44,870 Doggone it! 243 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:46,470 I missed him again! 244 00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:54,900 My brother's lucky watch! 245 00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:56,640 Santa must have left it. 246 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,560 Cyrus, I miss you every day. 247 00:14:59,810 --> 00:15:01,490 He misses you, too. 248 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:04,080 wait! He, what, who?! 249 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,740 Your brother didn't die in the war, Abe. 250 00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:09,469 He crashed into Tahiti. 251 00:15:09,849 --> 00:15:11,490 And he liked it so much, he never left. 252 00:15:11,863 --> 00:15:13,875 And now, if you like, 253 00:15:14,063 --> 00:15:15,120 I'll take you to him. 254 00:15:15,345 --> 00:15:16,718 Will we be back for the 255 00:15:17,001 --> 00:15:18,135 tournament of roses parade? 256 00:15:18,396 --> 00:15:19,440 Probably not. 257 00:15:19,763 --> 00:15:21,171 Good, I hate that crap. 258 00:15:21,369 --> 00:15:22,822 Yeah, me, too. 259 00:15:23,093 --> 00:15:26,372 Santa, one thing's still bugging me. 260 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:27,872 Why didn't you ever come back to pick me up? 261 00:15:28,123 --> 00:15:31,980 I kept putting it off and then I was just too embarrassed. 262 00:15:32,419 --> 00:15:34,034 Sorry I never called, Abe. 263 00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:36,842 I was too busy with my 15 native wives. 264 00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:44,839 15! Whoa, that sounds like a lot of sex! 265 00:15:45,316 --> 00:15:47,337 I said wives, not girlfriends. 266 00:15:49,659 --> 00:15:51,716 No poko-miku for Cyrus! 267 00:16:17,148 --> 00:16:17,863 oh my god, it's over. 268 00:16:18,092 --> 00:16:19,319 We're free! 269 00:16:19,639 --> 00:16:20,903 It's not over. It's just intermission. 270 00:16:21,258 --> 00:16:22,640 I said we're free! 271 00:16:24,927 --> 00:16:26,204 we're still doing act two. 272 00:16:26,704 --> 00:16:27,844 I'll be the audience. 273 00:16:28,235 --> 00:16:29,419 Boo! This is terrible! 274 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:33,691 I hope I never hear that god-awful nutcracker music again. 275 00:16:34,006 --> 00:16:34,658 I don't know, dad. 276 00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:36,960 This time of year, everybody does it, 277 00:16:37,187 --> 00:16:39,439 'cause you don't have to pay for the music rights. 278 00:16:39,764 --> 00:16:40,658 Really? 279 00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:42,570 I've still gotta bake my christmas pie 280 00:16:43,031 --> 00:16:45,845 I've gotta get dad a lousy tie. 281 00:16:46,121 --> 00:16:47,887 Christmas crowds is what I hate 282 00:16:48,111 --> 00:16:49,357 no time left to procrastinate. 283 00:16:49,615 --> 00:16:51,146 So move your ass and let me pass. 284 00:16:51,556 --> 00:16:52,723 'cause christmas eve is here 285 00:16:55,312 --> 00:16:57,862 Why is this Santa suit so snug? 286 00:16:58,111 --> 00:16:59,763 Why should I care? 287 00:16:59,997 --> 00:17:00,878 It's all humbug I've jacked my prices up so high 288 00:17:01,326 --> 00:17:04,014 but there's no junk these saps 289 00:17:04,214 --> 00:17:05,532 won't buy last year's eggnog, 290 00:17:05,832 --> 00:17:06,975 a green hot dog... 291 00:17:07,183 --> 00:17:08,785 'cause Christmas eve is here! 292 00:17:22,077 --> 00:17:24,467 These holiday cookies swell my fat cat 293 00:17:24,856 --> 00:17:27,106 even though we're not gentile, 294 00:17:28,572 --> 00:17:30,804 we'll get together for a while 295 00:17:31,027 --> 00:17:31,787 to shoot the breeze 296 00:17:31,990 --> 00:17:32,647 and eat chinese 297 00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:34,400 'cause christmas eve is here 298 00:17:34,674 --> 00:17:39,728 Christmas is a family day 299 00:17:39,922 --> 00:17:42,540 I told grampa we'd be away he's at the door, 300 00:17:42,756 --> 00:17:44,610 let's hit the floor 'cause christmas eve is here fine. 301 00:17:46,727 --> 00:17:50,200 I'll spend christmas eve with the raccoons. 302 00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:56,879 You got me a gift? 303 00:17:57,266 --> 00:17:59,080 Rancid lard?! 304 00:17:59,638 --> 00:18:00,965 You shouldn't have. 305 00:18:02,045 --> 00:18:03,727 Every year at this time, I show 306 00:18:03,961 --> 00:18:05,794 what's probably my most requested clip. 307 00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:07,676 Roll it, Freddie. 308 00:18:08,031 --> 00:18:10,394 It's the most wonderful time of the year... 309 00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:18,346 "Give the audience snowballs," they said. 310 00:18:18,517 --> 00:18:19,790 "It'll be cute," they said. 311 00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:27,529 Okay, time for my annual holiday tradition: 312 00:18:28,193 --> 00:18:29,777 Attempting to kill myself. 313 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:04,973 What's it say? 314 00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:06,413 Barn, as a special gift to me this year, will you kill me? 315 00:19:06,655 --> 00:19:07,568 But I already got you a wool hat. 316 00:19:07,994 --> 00:19:09,658 Maybe next year? 317 00:19:10,846 --> 00:19:12,304 Merry christmas, Homie. 318 00:19:12,912 --> 00:19:14,619 I think you're really gonna like this. 319 00:19:15,663 --> 00:19:16,779 That's great. 320 00:19:17,102 --> 00:19:19,334 Now I'll just get my present for you, 321 00:19:19,817 --> 00:19:21,811 which is... 322 00:19:22,148 --> 00:19:23,535 right outside the door. 323 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,051 Oh, my god, I forgot to get Marge a present! 324 00:19:28,505 --> 00:19:31,629 I need a present for my wife 325 00:19:31,835 --> 00:19:33,428 or I'll have no sex for life 326 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:34,820 diamond ring, a vase by ming 327 00:19:35,025 --> 00:19:36,520 some kinda useful kitchen thing 328 00:19:36,921 --> 00:19:38,258 I need a store I can break into 329 00:19:38,463 --> 00:19:39,727 or a place run by a HDU 330 00:19:39,957 --> 00:19:44,385 the christmas rush has cleaned me out 331 00:19:44,572 --> 00:19:45,922 I just have jerky made of trout. 332 00:19:46,351 --> 00:20:23,838 I knew you'd forget, 333 00:20:24,184 --> 00:20:28,724 so my gift to you is a gift for you to give me. 334 00:20:31,505 --> 00:20:32,859 It's just what I wanted. 335 00:20:33,444 --> 00:20:35,587 Here, Marge, this is for you. 336 00:20:52,747 --> 00:20:57,302 18 wheels, and they all missed me. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net