1 00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:07,202 ##[Chorus Singing] 2 00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,884 [Bell Ringing] 3 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,918 [Whistle Blowing] 4 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,297 [Beeping] 5 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,938 ## [Jazzy Solo] 6 00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:01,926 [Beeping] 7 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,928 [Tires Screeching] 8 00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,232 D'oh. [Screams] 9 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:26,713 - ##[Singing] - ##[Riano] 10 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,220 ## [Singing] 11 00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:39,529 ## [Continues] 12 00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:42,863 ##[Homer Singing] 13 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:48,236 ##[Marge, Homer Singing] 14 00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:51,538 ## [Continues] 15 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:06,025 ## [Ends] 16 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,890 [Audience Applauding] 17 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:11,930 [Announcer] The Simpsons is filmed in front of a live studio audience. 18 00:02:13,566 --> 00:02:15,591 Hey there, meathead. What are you watchir? 19 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:17,761 Oh, I thought I'd check out the Warner Brothers Network. 20 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:21,363 ## [Singing] 21 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,545 I need a drink. 22 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,877 [Announcer] It's the TV movie of the year- 23 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,008 The Krusty the Klown Story: 24 00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:34,780 Booze, Drugs, Guns, Lies... 25 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,220 Blackmail and Laughter. 26 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,917 Starring Fyvush Finkel as Krusty the Clown. 27 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:47,789 I went through a five-year orgy of nonstop pills and booze... 28 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:51,337 with nothing to show for it but four Emmys and a Peabody Award. 29 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,235 with nothing to show for it but four Emmys and a Peabody Award. 30 00:02:58,411 --> 00:02:59,309 [Groans] 31 00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:01,175 All right! They're gonna show his disastrous marriage to Mia Farrow. 32 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,175 Chan Ho, your mother Mia and I are getting a divorce. 33 00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:06,343 Chan Ho is over there. I am Chin Ho. 34 00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:09,012 Whoever you are. Just pass it along, kid. 35 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,852 [Laughs] What a bad father. 36 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,926 [Whirring] 37 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:17,428 - ##[Saxophone] - Lisa, knock off that racket! 38 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,431 But, Dad, I'm supposed to practice an hour a day. 39 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:24,435 - I'll practice you! - You'll practice me? What does that mean? 40 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,664 Is it supposed to be some sort of threat? 41 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,673 - [Groans] - ##[Saxophone] 42 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:31,107 - Bart, make her stop. - Hmm. 43 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,874 Look, Bart, I have to practice my saxophone, and you can't stop me. 44 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:39,384 Oh, yeah? My dear Lisa, you are eight, and I am 10. 45 00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,680 And in my two extra years on this planet... 46 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,813 I've learned a few tricks. 47 00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:45,857 - Gimme that sax! - No! 48 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,392 - I said gimme! - I said no! 49 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:50,485 - Gimme it. Gimme, gimme, gimme! - No! No, no, no! 50 00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:53,464 [Shouts, Gasps] 51 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,942 [Honking] 52 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:09,006 Ha-ha! 53 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:17,051 [Crying, Sniffling] 54 00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:19,852 Aw, Lisa, it doesn't look so bad. 55 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:22,154 Oh, yeah? 56 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,457 Ew! Lisa, honey... 57 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:27,362 if it'll make you feel better, I'll destroy something Bart loves. 58 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,264 - Hey! - Don't worry, Son. 59 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:32,361 If that bothers you, I'll destroy something Maggie loves. 60 00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:35,706 Dad, you don't understand. 61 00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:37,776 This saxophone is like my oldest friend. 62 00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:40,038 I've had it for as long as I can remember. 63 00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:42,774 - You don't remember how you got it? - Nuh-uh. 64 00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:46,750 Oh, well, it all happened in 1990. 65 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:51,916 Back then, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince was currently known as Prince. 66 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,118 Tracey Ullman was entertaining America... 67 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:57,560 with songs, sketches and crudely drawn filler material. 68 00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:02,397 And Bart was eagerly awaiting his first day of school. 69 00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:05,471 ##[Men Harmonizing] 70 00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,802 ##[Man Singing] 71 00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:11,308 - Look, Mama! - Oh, honey, I can't right now. 72 00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,311 Bart's gonna be late. 73 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,514 Hmph! 74 00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,880 Now, Son, on your first day of school... 75 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:22,318 I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me. 76 00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:26,085 Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. 77 00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:29,252 If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it. 78 00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:31,262 Lousy traumatic childhood. 79 00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:33,025 [Honks] 80 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,794 Ooh, there's the bus. Good-bye, sweetheart. 81 00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:39,899 School will be fun. 82 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,304 [Skinner] Welcome, kindergarteners. 83 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,639 I'm Principal Sinner- Skinner. 84 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:50,182 - [Laughing] - Well, that's it. I've lost them forever. 85 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,581 Now I'd like to introduce you to Lunch Lady Doris... 86 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,585 who will serve you healthy, nutritious meals. 87 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:57,918 - Yeah, right. - [Skinner] Ms. Rhipps, the school nurse... 88 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,049 who will provide ointments and unguents... 89 00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:02,059 and Jimbo, the school bully... 90 00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:04,186 who will administer noogies and nipple twisters. 91 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:07,494 - I look forward to whaling on all of you. - [Gulps] 92 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,500 ## [Singing Together] 93 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,995 ## [Singing] 94 00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:21,710 Added extra clap. Not college material. 95 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,305 - ## [Humming] - Hey, wee bairn! 96 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,146 [Shouts In Thick Scottish Accent] 97 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,455 Can't you understand English? 98 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,927 - [Door Closes] - Hi, honey. How was your first day of school? 99 00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:42,000 Honey? 100 00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:48,839 - ## [Singing] - ## [Piano] 101 00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:52,138 ## [Singing] 102 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:56,614 ## [Singing] 103 00:06:56,716 --> 00:07:01,949 ## [Singing Together] 104 00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,289 And that, my children... 105 00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:08,792 is the story of Bart's first day of school. 106 00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,954 - Very nice. - Yeah. 107 00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:15,966 Yeah. Except you were supposed to be telling the story of how I got my saxophone. 108 00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,059 D'oh! 109 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:26,142 Homer, I can't get the baby to burp. Could you try for a while? 110 00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:28,839 No problem. I'll just give her a sip of beer. 111 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:33,351 Come on, Maggie, it's Miller time. Yes, it's Miller time. 112 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:37,287 - Homer! - Oh, my father gave me beer as a child... 113 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,223 till I wrapped my little red wagon around a tree. 114 00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:43,295 [All Groaning] 115 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:47,163 Let's never drink again. 116 00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:50,497 And we never did. 117 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:53,572 Mom, can you tell me the story of how I got my saxophone... 118 00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:55,868 and not have it turn into a story about Bart? 119 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,875 Oh, sure, honey. 120 00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:01,913 - Bart had just completed his first day at school, and Bart- - Mom! 121 00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:06,075 Hey, she's just giving the public what it wants- Bart by the barrelful. 122 00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:09,154 Sorry, Lisa. It's just how the story goes. 123 00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:13,055 No matter what Bart tried, he just couldn't fit in at school. 124 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,184 A-B-C- 125 00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,694 - Uh, line? - "D." 126 00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:21,233 D-E- Um, line? 127 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,462 "F," Bart. And believe me, you'll be seeing plenty of'em. 128 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,140 Bart, would you like to read a book? 129 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,644 - No. - Would you like to color something? 130 00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:35,714 I did. 131 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,180 Mmm. 132 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,254 ## [Saxophone] 133 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,255 [Man on TV] That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Reaks... 134 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,556 and damn good cherry pie. 135 00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:59,871 Brilliant. [Laughs] 136 00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:02,497 I have absolutely no idea what's going on. 137 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,839 Homer, I want you to look at this drawing Bart did. 138 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,573 Oh, it's beautiful! 139 00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:12,481 Oh! Oh, let's put Bart's beautiful drawing up on the fridge. 140 00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:15,645 Homer, stop. Would you please look at the drawing? 141 00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,746 Oh, all right. What a- 142 00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:20,155 [Screams] Burn it! Send it to hell! 143 00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:24,161 - I think we're going to have to get Bart some help. - Get it away. 144 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:28,562 - Bart, Son? You want to play catch? - No. 145 00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:33,071 When a boy doesn't want to play catch with his old man, something is seriously wrong. 146 00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:35,106 I'll play catch with you, Son. 147 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:37,107 - Get the hell out. - I'm gone. 148 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,944 - Aah. - Mrs. Simpson... 149 00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,344 physically your son is as sound as a dollar. 150 00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:44,609 I'm afraid Bart's severe emotional dysfunction... 151 00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,515 stems from a deep-seated psychological trauma. 152 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,713 [Laughs] 153 00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:53,155 [Marge Narrating] With nowhere else to turn, we went to see the school psychologist. 154 00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:56,660 Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, there's nothing to be alarmed about. 155 00:09:56,762 --> 00:10:00,528 Public school can be intimidating to a young child... 156 00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:05,661 particularly one with as many flamboyantly homosexual tendencies as your son. 157 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:09,935 - Bart's gay? - Bart? Uh-Whoo! Wrong file. 158 00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,505 Uh, the point I'm trying to make here is... 159 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,378 that Bart must learn to be less of an individual... 160 00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:20,350 and more a faceless slug. 161 00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:26,888 - Mm-hmm. - Hmm. Lisa, how old are you? 162 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,154 I am three and three eighths. 163 00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:34,858 Hmm. Lisa, if I have five apples, and I take away three apples... 164 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,060 how many apples do I have left? 165 00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:39,330 - Two apples. - Wait a minute. 166 00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,641 - She's right. - Yes. Very good. 167 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:47,702 Marge, Homer, I believe your Lisa may be gifted. 168 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:51,579 That's wonderful. But still, can't you do anything for Bart? 169 00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:55,745 Marge, he's five. His life is over. Lisa's the wave of the future. 170 00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:59,382 - Wave of the future! - [Chuckles] That's right, honey. 171 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,655 If you nurture her gift now, there's no telling what she can do. 172 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:07,358 Wow, just think of the possibilities. 173 00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:10,560 [Man] Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Rrize. 174 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,570 Nah. 175 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:16,267 [Man] Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Rrize for kickboxing. 176 00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:18,275 - [Grunts] - Hmm. 177 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,547 Uh, I'll give you the address of a nice preschool. 178 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:27,551 ##[Girls Singing] 179 00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,758 I can assure you, our preschool is of the highest quality. 180 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:42,095 Over 75% of our graduates go on to first grade. 181 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:45,659 Our little girl has a gift, and we're willing to do what it takes to help her. 182 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:49,832 Very good. Once we receive your $6,000 tuition check, she's in. 183 00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:52,638 - I'll give you 50 bucks. - Our fee is nonnegotiable. 184 00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:56,044 - Seventy-five. - Look, I knew private school would be expensive... 185 00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:58,548 but I was hoping we could get a scholarship of some sort. 186 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:03,054 Sorry. I don't have anything to offer you unless you're a member of a minority group. 187 00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:06,556 Excelente. Muchos gracias, "seņorata." 188 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,889 - Sorry. - [Chinese Accent] Aah, so. 189 00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,894 Come on, honey. 190 00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:13,487 I guess this is a world you'll never know. 191 00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:22,198 Our family was suffering through its worst crisis ever. 192 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,367 Bart was miserable at school... 193 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,071 and Lisa's gifts were going to waste. 194 00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:30,580 Uh, Homer? It's five years later, and I'm still miserable at school. 195 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,708 And my gifts are still going to waste. 196 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,786 And sometimes I feel so smothered by this family... 197 00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:37,515 I just wanna scream till my lungs explode. [Gasps] 198 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,658 I'll go start dinner now. 199 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,456 - You do that. - [Marge Grumbles] 200 00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:49,657 - Hello. - Dad, what are you doir here? 201 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,135 Lookir for my teeth. 202 00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:54,172 [Muffled Barking] 203 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:57,765 Gimme those! Better wash these off. 204 00:12:57,877 --> 00:13:00,311 Oh, the hell with it. 205 00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:02,710 Well, Grampa, as long as you're here... 206 00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:04,806 we were telling a story that took place... 207 00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:07,818 when Bart was five and Lisa was three. 208 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,252 Oh, I know this story. 209 00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:12,483 The year is 19-aught-six. 210 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:15,958 The president is the divine Miss Sarah Bernardt. 211 00:13:16,061 --> 00:13:17,961 And all over America... 212 00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:22,056 people were doir a dance called the Funky Grandpa. 213 00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:24,068 ## [Singing] 214 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:27,162 [Snoring] 215 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,173 Yes. 216 00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:31,436 Well, as if our troubles werert bad enough... 217 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:35,844 Springfield was going through an unseasonable heat wave. 218 00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,746 [Kent Brockman On TV] And so Springfield's heat wave continues... 219 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,342 with today's temperature exceeding the record for this date... 220 00:13:41,453 --> 00:13:43,444 set way back four billion years ago... 221 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,922 when the Earth was just a ball of molten lava. 222 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:50,519 Oh, so hot. 223 00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:53,063 Homer, have you seen the frozen peas? 224 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,929 - [Grunts] - Um, you keep 'em. 225 00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:58,902 Now listen, if we can't afford private school... 226 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,632 maybe there's some other way to encourage Lisa. 227 00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,208 Um, an art class, ballet lessons. 228 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:07,541 They have some fun things you can do at the museum on Saturday. 229 00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:11,548 Uh-uh. Forget it, Marge. There is no way I'm spending my Saturdays at a museum. 230 00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:16,383 Unless- Museums don't have foosball, do they? 231 00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:21,819 - [Dings] - You lose, Michelangelo's David. Who's next? 232 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,861 Me! 233 00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:28,224 Oh, I guess it doesn't matter. 234 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:31,565 All these things cost money, and we just don't have it. 235 00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:34,400 - Unless- - Unless what? 236 00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:38,567 Well, there's that $200 we've been saving for the new air conditioner. 237 00:14:38,677 --> 00:14:42,841 Oh, Marge, but we've needed a new air conditioner for years. 238 00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:45,246 And our stop-gap solution is getting cranky. 239 00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:47,319 [Yowls] 240 00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:50,911 I cannot believe this. I'm trying to give our daughter a head start in life... 241 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:52,923 and you aren't helping a bit. 242 00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:56,426 Marge, name one successful person who ever lived without air conditioning. 243 00:14:56,528 --> 00:15:00,328 - Balzac. - No need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one. 244 00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:03,765 - But Balzac is the name. - [Babbling] 245 00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,463 If ifs and buts were candy and nuts- 246 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,506 - Uh, how does the rest of that go? - Please... 247 00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:12,441 just promise you won't buy an air conditioner till we've figured out a way to help Lisa. 248 00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:14,637 All right, all right. I promise. 249 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,772 Must be another way to get an air conditioner. 250 00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,510 [Machinery Whirring] 251 00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:23,247 Mmm, recirculated air. 252 00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:26,347 [Meows, Shivering] 253 00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,589 - Uh, Homer? - What, Flanders? 254 00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:34,530 Well, sir, I hate to be a suspicious Aloysius on you... 255 00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,533 but did you steal my air conditioner? 256 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:46,042 Well, I admit it looks bad, Flanders, but haven't you heard of... 257 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:50,172 "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? [Groans] 258 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,978 - Got him, Dad. - [Groans] 259 00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:56,316 And so, just as things looked their worst- 260 00:15:56,422 --> 00:16:00,984 I realized I could make money selling my medication to deadheads. 261 00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:03,391 Grampa, what are you talking about? 262 00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,395 Oh, nothing. 263 00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:09,399 As I was saying, things couldn't be worse for Lisa or Bart. 264 00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:13,835 "And the ugly duckling was amazed to realize it had grown into a beautiful swan." 265 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,998 So you see, children, there is hope for anyone. 266 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,008 - Even me? - No. 267 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,680 Uh, hi. 268 00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:28,685 - Hi. - I have soy milk. 269 00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:31,517 The doctor says the real kind could kill me. 270 00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:33,921 I wish I was interesting like you. 271 00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:38,695 [Imitates Fart] 272 00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:41,857 - [Laughing] You're funny. - I am? 273 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,867 Yeah. 274 00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:47,598 - And the world needs a clown. - Hmm. 275 00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:50,402 [Imitates Fart] Doody. Booger. 276 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,534 [Laughing] 277 00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:55,112 Man, that is killer material. 278 00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:59,207 - ## [Singing] - Young man, I can assure you... 279 00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:03,721 my posterior is nothing more than flesh, bone and that metal plate I got in 'Nam. 280 00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:06,814 - [Gulps] - I want you to knock off that potty talk right now. 281 00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,893 The principal said "potty." 282 00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:11,622 [Laughing] 283 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,630 [Grumbles] 284 00:17:13,732 --> 00:17:16,462 You listen to me, son. You've just started school... 285 00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:21,130 and the path you choose now may be the one you follow for the rest of your life. 286 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,231 Now, what do you say? 287 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,910 Eat my shorts. 288 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:33,246 - All right, I'll eat- Eat your shorts? - [Kids Laughing] 289 00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:36,219 Yeah, eat my shorts. ## [Singing] 290 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:42,622 - Buttman? - [Grunts] 291 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:48,098 [Giggles] He's the greatest showman since that kid who eats worms. 292 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,795 My 15 minutes of fame are over. 293 00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:57,367 [Homer] Well, Moe, this is it. Today's the day I get my new air conditioner. 294 00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:00,104 Congratulations. Who's the little chick? 295 00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,271 - I'm Lisa. - She has a gift. 296 00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:05,612 You have 13 pickled eggs in this jar... 297 00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:07,617 and one cockroach. 298 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:09,710 [Laughs] 299 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,790 Who are you, sweetheart, the health inspector? 300 00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,790 No, but I am. 301 00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:16,918 Uh, here, have a margarita. 302 00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:19,624 Uh, that's a parasol. 303 00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:33,010 [Gasps] Ooh. 304 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:38,511 - Help us, Homer. - Yeah, help us, you fat yutz. 305 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,108 [Gurgling] 306 00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:45,190 [Laughing] 307 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,793 Wow. 308 00:18:56,168 --> 00:19:00,298 Musical instrument? Could that be a way to encourage a gifted child? 309 00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:02,635 Just give me a sign. 310 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,245 Works for me. 311 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,550 Uh, what do you like, Lisa? 312 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:15,085 "Viomalin"? "Tubamaba"? 313 00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:17,485 - "Oboemoboe"? - That one. 314 00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:21,186 Oh, "saxomaphone." 315 00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:24,195 Two hundred dollars? 316 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,500 Oh, I'll take it. 317 00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:37,234 - ## [Note Plays] - [Giggling] 318 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,608 - Would you like an inscription, sir? - Yeah. 319 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:47,208 To Lisa: Never forget your daddy loves- D'oh! 320 00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:50,447 And that inscription is still there today. 321 00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:55,790 Wow. So that's how Lisa got her sax. 322 00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:59,421 Next, I'll tell you the origin of Maggie's pacifier. 323 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:03,092 What origin? We get 'em for $ 1.95 down at the Safeway. 324 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:07,366 Well, I really liked that story, but it still doesn't fix this. 325 00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:10,600 You know, Homer, I think we have some money... 326 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:13,371 in the air conditioner account again, hmm? 327 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:15,378 Oh, but, Marge... 328 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,449 am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sweating like a pig? 329 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,451 Yeah, not to mention lookir like a pig, eatir like a pig- 330 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,681 - Don't forget the smell. - Will you get off my front lawn? 331 00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,623 - Why don't you make me? - Why? Oh, I give up. 332 00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:30,354 Well, don't worry about me, Dad. [Chuckles] 333 00:20:30,462 --> 00:20:32,828 It's not how it looks. It's how it sounds. 334 00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:34,831 [Squealing] 335 00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:36,833 [Groans] 336 00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:41,497 [Reporter On TV] Well, sir, we got a scorcher today. 337 00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:44,576 And to cool off, nothir beats Fruitopia- 338 00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:46,576 the iced tea brewed by hippies... 339 00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:50,045 but distributed by a heartless, multinational corporation. 340 00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:53,049 "Dear Lisa... 341 00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:57,611 may your new saxophone bring you years of d'oh!" 342 00:20:57,723 --> 00:21:01,819 ## [Rock] 343 00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:08,361 - ## [Continues] - ##[Band Joins In] 344 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,920 ## [Ends] 345 00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,547 You're a good father. 346 00:21:32,658 --> 00:21:34,785 I learned from the master. 347 00:21:34,893 --> 00:21:37,953 Where's Maggie? 348 00:21:38,063 --> 00:21:41,328 Where's Maggie? I'm not kiddir. 349 00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:44,197 I can't see. My retinas have detached again. 350 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,534 [Laughing] 351 00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:49,698 - He is blind as a bat. - That's right. 352 00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:52,868 - [Laughing] - It's true. 353 00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:56,906 ##[Saxophone] 354 00:21:59,685 --> 00:22:03,052 ##[Jazz] 355 00:22:27,212 --> 00:22:30,204 - [Homer] Lisa! Enough "saxomaphone" already! - ##[Stops] 356 00:22:30,315 --> 00:22:32,283 ##[Jazz Resumes] 357 00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:39,547 ##[Ends] 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net