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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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{\an8}In local news,
champion angler Abe Simpson is retiring.
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00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,513
{\an8}Yes, it's "o-fish-ial."
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00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,474
{\an8}After reeling in
his 20th fishing derby win,
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{\an8}he's finally bowing "trout."
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{\an8}Later, stay "tuna"
for our "sharking" story
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{\an8}about a local "sturgeon"
with a "cod" complex
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{\an8}who kills patients just for the "halibut."
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{\an8}Abe, why retire now?
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{\an8}Well, I wanna go out
on my 20-year win streak
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{\an8}and pass along
my only earthly talent to my son.
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{\an8}Tomorrow, he's gonna take over
the Simpson family fishing dominance.
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{\an8}To all you fish out there watching,
he's a-comin' for ya!
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{\an8}Whoa, it's sexy when you're on
the local news for something not horrible.
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{\an8}Those fish should be so scared.
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{\an8}[groans]
Those fish shouldn't be scared at all.
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{\an8}I never win anything.
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{\an8}Why does my dad think
I'll win this fishing contest?
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{\an8}Maybe because all you have to do
is sit still and hold a stick.
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{\an8}That's two things. [groans]
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{\an8}[humming]
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{\an8}[door opens]
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{\an8}Principal Skinner, sorry to barge in.
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{\an8}But I'm applying to the most selective
kids summer camp in the country.
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{\an8}They even reject
the Silicon Valley Adderall kids.
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{\an8}And, um, I was hoping you'd write me
a letter of recommendation.
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{\an8}[chuckling] Recommendation letter?
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{\an8}No one's ever asked me
to write one of those before.
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{\an8}I've mainly just done letters
to judges requesting leniency.
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{\an8}If I'm accepted into
the University of Springfield Camp,
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{\an8}I'll be fast-tracked to get into
the Amherst Middle School Summer Workshop,
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which is a feeder to
the UC Santa Cruz Marine Biology Retreat,
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which is a sure ticket into
the Oberlin Philosophy Day Camp
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with sleepover option.
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Well, I believe
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my Edu-95 Software Bundle
did come with a recommendation template.
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Don't forget,
I was the classroom hamster monitor.
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And the art club parliamentarian.
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And I chaired the fundraiser
to get the lunch ladies ethical hairnets.
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- [chuckles]
- Got it.
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"Many interests."
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And print.
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[printer printing]
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[gasps]
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{\an8}Never mind.
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{\an8}Welcome to the annual
Springfield Fishing Derby
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{\an8}sponsored by Duff Camo.
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{\an8}The deer will never see you're drunk.
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{\an8}And now, the champion emeritus
will throw out the ceremonial first cast.
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[grunts]
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- [chuckles]
- [cheering]
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Dad, why do you think I can do this?
I never win anything.
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Oh, I don't believe in you.
I'm banking on the Simpsons fishing gene.
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I'm finally gonna pass down
something other than chronic hand hate.
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- [cries]
- [scoffs]
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We're three hours into this nail-biting,
intense competition, folks.
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Which means butt fatigue is really
setting in on these recumbent warriors.
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[groaning]
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[backs, hips cracking]
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Aw, man. If I wanted to watch Dad sit
and do nothing, I'd visit him at work.
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Mom, I bet the other camp applicants
are volunteering and accomplishing stuff.
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I'm just standing around here getting
a tan line from my pearls.
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I'm sure you'll get in.
You get into everything.
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I can pick up litter, rescue driftwood,
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make sure beavers aren't chewing
on washed-up mannequin arms.
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- [chittering]
- [grunting]
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[murmurs]
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Sorry, Marge, but can you murmur
a little quieter? I'm trying to fish.
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Uh-oh.
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I gotta let myself run a little.
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- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
- [Marge groans]
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[fishers laugh]
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[grunts, screams]
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[laughing]
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What the hell is that thing?
Get it out! Get it--
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Oh. Hey!
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- Homie!
- [Bart cheers]
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The fish weight to beat is 7.2 pounds.
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Will a heavier fish arise?
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We'll find out right after this.
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When you're gutting your catch,
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are you sick and tired of being stared at
by cold, accusing fish eyes?
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You need the Happy Hood.
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That's right, fish. You love it.
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And don't forget to play
the Happy Hood mobile game.
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Homer Simpson's fish comes in
at 10.4 pounds.
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- We have a winner!
- [fishers clamor]
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- [fisher] Whoa!
- [cries]
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I've never won anything before.
What do I do?
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Uh.
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Oh. [chuckles] My gorgeous boy,
I've never loved you more.
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Thanks, Dad.
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I get to cook
my husband's prize-winning fish.
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The whole house
is gonna stink like victory.
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What? Is this where marbles come from?
Like pearls in lobsters?
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00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:19,986
Uh, how did my slingshot marbles
get in there?
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You added weight to my fish with marbles?
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I-I couldn't help it.
Watching you lose was so boring.
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So I didn't really win at all.
You cheated!
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[grunting]
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Oh. Oh.
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Oh, my gorgeous boy.
I've never loved you more.
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"The Saga of the Oregon Trail.
A poem by Milhouse Van Houten.
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We started our journey to the Pacific
because we heard that it was terrific."
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I'm here to take Bart Simpson
to his doctor's appointment.
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I have a doctor's appointment?
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Oh, yeah, a bunch of them.
You're really sick.
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"We made our first camp
when we were all ready.
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We made our first dinner,
meatballs and spaghetti."
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Uh, this isn't the way to the doctor.
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[laughs] There's no doctor.
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So I'm not sick?
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I don't know. Everybody's got something.
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- You and me are going cheating.
- Huh?
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When your fish marbles
won me that contest,
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it was the greatest thrill
I ever had as a father.
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And I want to feel that rush again.
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H-How do we cheat at rock skipping?
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I don't know. Making a plan
to cheat in advance felt dishonest.
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[humming]
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Perfect.
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[hums]
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Ooh, a big envelope
from summer camp admissions.
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I bet that's good news.
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Mom, that's my safety.
Of course I'm gonna get in there.
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Florida State's a total party camp.
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Why haven't I heard yet?
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Janey got responses from all her camps,
even her reaches.
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Her essay was about
her grandmother's immigrant story.
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She came from Ottawa.
That's barely an immigrant.
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[grunting]
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Mmm.
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[announcer] Coming up later,
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{\an8}the LIV Pickleball Tour from Riyadh,
where it's 110 degrees in the desert,
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{\an8}- and the action's heating up.
- [camel groans]
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But now, it's time
for competitive rock skipping.
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Well, they are really scraping the bottom
of the barrel for new sports content.
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Yeah. And barrel scraping is up next.
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[announcer] Here, we have
last year's champion, Cletus Spuckler,
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taking the shore.
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Home viewers will notice that's not
the famous Nike swoosh on his shoes,
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but rather leeches on his bare feet.
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Here comes the skip.
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[audience] Ah.
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{\an8}[announcer] Twenty-two skips!
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{\an8}That's a throw worthy of the late,
great Doink Anderson.
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{\an8}Interesting fact,
he left his widow nothing.
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{\an8}Next up, Homer Simpson.
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{\an8}A first-timer but using
the same equipment as these pros,
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a flat rock he found on the ground.
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[grunts]
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{\an8}- [announcer] Forty-six skips.
- [audience cheering]
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{\an8}This almost makes
my hitchhiking here worth it.
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[chuckles]
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[cheering]
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This. This is what we do it for.
The cheater's high.
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You can feel the scam
pulsing in your blood.
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Like snorting lotto scratcher dust
or being elected king of Hamburger Planet.
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You know, Dad,
all the times I cheated on stuff before--
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school tests, COVID tests--
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I always felt kind of bad about it.
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But cheating with you feels so right.
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Can we do it one more time?
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Son, we're never gonna stop doing it.
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[country music playing]
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♪ Come on
Let's get our cheat on, baby ♪
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♪ No need to follow rules
We're lazy ♪
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♪ Order water
But fill your cup with Sprite ♪
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♪ Say you're in the army
To preboard your flight ♪
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♪ Fake a corporate tweet
To sell a stock short ♪
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♪ Take your pig to work
As emotional support ♪
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♪ We're a two-man scheming crew
Cheating's our father-son glue ♪
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♪ Honestly with honesty
We never got along ♪
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♪ I raised you right
By teaching you wrong ♪
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{\an8}♪ Get a doctor's note
For more time on the SAT ♪
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{\an8}♪ Write your term paper with ChatGPT
Yeah ♪
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♪ Lose an election and call it unfair ♪
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♪ Cut the roller coaster line
With a rented wheelchair ♪
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♪ I reckon
You're my cheatin' soul brother ♪
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♪ Cheat on everything ♪
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♪ But never each other ♪
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♪ But never each other
Whoo! ♪
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Bart, I finally get why some dudes
become dads on purpose.
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This has been the best week of my life.
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00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,961
Me too. And my life's not
a barfnado like yours.
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00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,423
Do you think it's a little strange
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that your dad is suddenly winning
all these contests and giant prizes?
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00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,847
Yeah, I've noticed the same thing.
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00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:45,519
I guess I just assumed that sports
in America were getting much, much easier.
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00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:46,604
Hey, honey.
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00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:50,858
Do you want this ladies' gillie suit
I won at the tobacco-spitting competition?
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00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:52,860
Homer, we need to talk.
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00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:56,781
Oh, I like when we talk.
I don't like when we need to talk.
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You're sure winning a lot of activities
you've never even tried before.
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00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:04,789
I'm sorry to ask this,
but are you cheating?
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00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,001
Oh, I can't lie to you.
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00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:12,171
Wait, that's a lie. I can lie and I have.
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00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,673
But I'm not going to now.
199
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,801
I am cheating,
but not for prizes or glory.
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00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,261
Me and Bart are cheating together
as a team.
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00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:21,305
It's our father-son thing.
202
00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:24,016
[sighs] Can't you do
something else with Bart?
203
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,310
Like coach his soccer team?
204
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:29,730
Soccer? You mean bribing refs?
Where's the challenge?
205
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:33,025
That's not the kind of cheating
that brings a dad and his son closer.
206
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,945
We have this special bond
like LaVar and Lonzo Ball
207
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:39,156
or Cecil and Prince Fielder
before they became estranged.
208
00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:42,660
No. No, no, no, no, no. Cheating is wrong.
209
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,871
Maybe you should find
another way to bond with your son.
210
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,748
Like just being a good dad.
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00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,418
Oh, where's the Jet Ski in that?
212
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:51,669
[groans]
213
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,422
Marge, you're always saying
you want our kids to succeed.
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00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,007
Then maybe not cheating is cheating them.
215
00:11:58,843 --> 00:11:59,677
[grunts]
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00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,178
Refresh.
217
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,263
Nothing.
218
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,347
Refresh.
219
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:06,100
Still nothing. Refresh.
220
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,477
[gasps] Spinny rainbow! [gasps]
221
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,562
Nothing.
222
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,147
[doorbell rings]
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00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:14,859
Lisa Simpson. I'm here
from the University of Springfield Camp,
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00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,902
and I'm very excited to tell you
225
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:20,531
that you've been accepted
into our summer program.
226
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,283
[gasps] I got in?
227
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That's amazing.
228
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,828
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
229
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:29,957
It's so classy that you came
to tell everybody in person.
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00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,125
As the rowing coach,
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00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,669
I like to personally welcome
all the incoming members
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00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,379
of our camp rowing team.
233
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,964
What? Rowing?
234
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:39,258
Your application photos were amazing.
235
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,093
You can row anywhere in the shell.
236
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Stroke, bow, powerhouse.
237
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,348
Wh-- Uh, what? What?
238
00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,309
{\an8}See you at camp. Here's your Henley.
239
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:54,815
[gasps]
240
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:56,650
[gasps]
241
00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:02,740
[gasps] Someone put doctored photos
into my application.
242
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:06,243
And I know who.
243
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:15,211
- [screams]
- You cheated for me!
244
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,505
What? No, I didn't.
245
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,715
Honey, what's the matter?
246
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:22,384
Dad and Bart put my head on
an Olympic rower's body
247
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:24,345
to cheat my way into camp.
248
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,723
No, we didn't. Why would we help
someone who's already good at things?
249
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,433
Now shut up. Dad's in the finals.
250
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:32,478
He could win an electric truck
they converted back to gas.
251
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,566
You've already cheated
at every dumb sport in the world.
252
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:41,362
I bet you're cheating
at this dumb sport right now.
253
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:42,530
[all gasp]
254
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:45,574
- [thuds]
- [Hans] Ow, my foot.
255
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:46,992
Lisa. [shushes]
256
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:50,496
A lot of these axe throwers
have guns in their cars.
257
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:54,834
What are you afraid of?
That they'll see this?
258
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:55,918
[all gasp]
259
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,378
A magnet.
260
00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:59,088
If you was cheating at this,
261
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:04,593
I bet you cheated at all them other events
you surprisingly and illogically won.
262
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,178
We were robbed.
263
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,430
Of our prizes and our dignity.
264
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,350
- [rock music playing in headphones]
- Get 'em!
265
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:15,062
Stay back.
I'm a champion axe thrower. [grunts]
266
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,398
- [thuds]
- [Hans] Ow, my stump.
267
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,067
[axe throwers clamoring]
268
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,406
Don't let them cheaters get away.
269
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:28,951
Look, guys, you got us all wrong.
We didn't cheat.
270
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:32,496
Quick. Get on the ATVs we won by cheating.
271
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:38,043
[chuckles] Looks like you just got cheated
out of your revenge.
272
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:53,350
[all sigh]
273
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:56,437
If you think I'm not mad anymore,
you're wrong.
274
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,607
While we were escaping,
I got even more mad.
275
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,734
It's called multitasking.
276
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:05,029
And it was one of the legitimate skills
on my application.
277
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:07,281
Remember, the one you cheated on?
278
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,783
We didn't, I swear. Cheater's honor.
279
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,076
Oh, really?
280
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:15,497
Well, if you didn't, then who uploaded
all those fake photos of me rowing
281
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:17,791
so I could get into camp?
282
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:18,959
[Marge] I did.
283
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,128
You? You?
284
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:23,505
No, no. It must have been me!
285
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,257
No, it was me.
286
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,468
But, Marge, you're you.
287
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,888
You're sweet, pure, incorruptible.
288
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:35,100
[gasps] Dad, we ruined Mom.
289
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,227
No. No!
290
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,313
[retching, coughing]
291
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,777
What have I done?
292
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,279
Other than everything I know that I did.
293
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,281
Yes, I cheated.
294
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,325
And you showed me how to do it,
295
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,994
but not to win a beef jerky dehydrator
296
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,747
or Harley Davidson beard shampoo.
297
00:15:56,747 --> 00:16:02,002
If you want your kids to succeed,
then not cheating is cheating them.
298
00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,088
[retches]
299
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:10,511
Mom, you also cheated me out
of the chance to get in on my own merits.
300
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:13,555
I worked hard. I cleaned up the beach.
301
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,975
I taught old people how to email.
302
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,937
{\an8}I was working with 72-point font.
303
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:23,232
Oh, this is all our fault.
304
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,776
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
305
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,779
But we can learn and do better.
306
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,699
Let's never, ever bond again.
307
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,284
You're right. Never again.
308
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:37,162
Promise me this is the last time we hug.
309
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,081
I swear, Dad. I swear.
310
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,541
There you is.
311
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,209
We never would have found you
312
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:45,963
if it weren't for all that guilt-vomiting
we done heard.
313
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:49,299
Go ahead. Kill me. Cleave my skull.
314
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:53,721
I don't deserve to live after corrupting
the only good person I've ever known.
315
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,556
I don't know about that.
316
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:58,183
We were just going to
rough you up a little bit.
317
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,478
Oh, well, I mean, I--
I guess we could kill you,
318
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,356
but you probably need
to sign a waiver or something.
319
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,358
[person] Nobody is killing anyone.
320
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,068
- [all] Aw.
- [Brandine] Oh, man.
321
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,570
The Simpsons coming with us.
322
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,696
[screaming]
323
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:11,989
[both grunt]
324
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,911
You think we'll all stay friends
after this or just drift apart?
325
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,250
Yep. Drift apart it is.
326
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,547
Ah, this is the camp I wanted to go to.
327
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,133
They must know about the fake application.
328
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:37,056
{\an8}[chuckling] Welcome, Simpsons.
I hope you don't mind
329
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,184
{\an8}that I had the University of Springfield
football team bring you here.
330
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:45,230
Um, I want to apologize for being party
to a false application.
331
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:49,610
My mother and I need to have
the talk about honesty.
332
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,612
Lisa, don't be mad at your mother.
333
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,905
It may surprise you to learn
334
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:57,201
that this institution has
a proud tradition of embracing cheating.
335
00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,704
After all, this is
University of Springfield Camp.
336
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,247
USC.
337
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:06,168
{\an8}Wh-- You're okay with me cheating?
338
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:09,254
{\an8}Say it isn't so, Dean Belichick.
339
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,382
{\an8}You think your application was
the only one with embellishments?
340
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:13,509
{\an8}Look at these.
341
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,804
{\an8}This 10-year-old claims
she performs open-heart surgery.
342
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:21,892
{\an8}This 12-year-old said it was her idea
to use big, fat straws for boba tea.
343
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:25,562
{\an8}And you know what?
[chuckling] We let them all in.
344
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:26,814
[Lisa gasps]
345
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,192
But I want to live an ethical life.
346
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,693
This is the world we live in.
347
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:36,198
Taxpayers hide money from the IRS.
Dating profiles are nothing but lies.
348
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:39,868
And right now, the Houston Astros
are dreaming up ways to cheat
349
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,538
that would blow your mind.
350
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,622
[Homer screams]
351
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,959
So, here at USC,
we decided to own cheating
352
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,795
and prepare our students
for the way the world is.
353
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,131
Not the way some would like it to be.
354
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,715
What do you say, Lisa?
355
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:58,053
{\an8}Will you accept our most prestigious
Lance Armstrong summer scholarship?
356
00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,305
{\an8}Am I risking everything I believe in
357
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,350
{\an8}by refusing to do something
I don't believe in?
358
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,643
{\an8}[groans]
359
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,894
{\an8}I choose honesty.
360
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,438
I'm proud of you, honey.
361
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,941
Yep. Walking out the door,
362
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:15,195
leaving this room
and this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
363
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:19,074
[chuckles] Walking out. Here I go.
364
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:22,744
[strains] Principles powering my feet.
[grunts]
365
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,455
Would you like me
to give you a little push?
366
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:26,540
Would you?
367
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,041
[sighs]
368
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:31,712
Let the rowing coach know
we're sorry she was lied to.
369
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:34,631
[laughs] I think she may be used to it.
370
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,383
Homer, a moment?
371
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:40,470
I've been following your incredible
streak of dishonesty.
372
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,431
[chuckling] Very impressive.
373
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:45,934
So much so, I'd like to offer you
a position as a professor
374
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,395
in our Faculty of Cheating Studies.
375
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,521
{\an8}What do you say?
376
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:53,400
{\an8}Will you shape the minds
of tomorrow's white-collar criminals?
377
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,236
{\an8}No.
378
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,780
{\an8}For once, I learned something at college.
379
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,073
{\an8}A lesson.
380
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,284
Cheating almost ruined my wife.
381
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:06,205
Who is all the love and goodness
you can stuff inside a green dress.
382
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,498
I'll never cheat again.
383
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:11,251
Except on diets.
384
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,966
Okay. Here's how you really skip a rock.
385
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:21,220
Oh, I used to be so good at this.
386
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,888
Hey, where's Bart?
387
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:27,142
He said he had an appointment
every Thursday night from 7:00 to 9:00.
388
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,398
Students, look to your left.
Look to your right.
389
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,984
Those are the people
you'll be cheating off of.
390
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:53,418
♪ Come on
Let's get our cheat on, baby ♪
391
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:57,297
♪ No need to follow rules
We're lazy ♪
392
00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:04,012
♪ You get results from hard work but
Why bother when there's a corner to cut? ♪
393
00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:08,350
♪ When you sell your home
Don't mention the mold ♪
394
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:13,063
♪ If you're gonna cheat
You gotta go bold ♪
395
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:17,859
♪ Record that spare as a strike ♪
396
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:21,363
♪ Strap your Fitbit to your bike ♪
397
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:27,119
♪ Ain't nothing like cheatin'
To get the old heart beatin' ♪
398
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,997
♪ Cheat along, little doggy
Whoo! ♪
399
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,081
Shh.