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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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{\an8}In local news,
champion angler Abe Simpson is retiring.
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{\an8}Yes, it's "o-fish-ial."
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{\an8}After reeling in
his 20th fishing derby win,
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{\an8}he's finally bowing "trout."
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{\an8}Later, stay "tuna"
for our "sharking" story
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{\an8}about a local "sturgeon"
with a "cod" complex
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{\an8}who kills patients just for the "halibut."
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{\an8}Abe, why retire now?
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{\an8}Well, I wanna go out
on my 20-year win streak
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{\an8}and pass along
my only earthly talent to my son.
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{\an8}Tomorrow, he's gonna take over
the Simpson family fishing dominance.
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{\an8}To all you fish out there watching,
he's a-comin' for ya!
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{\an8}Whoa, it's sexy when you're on
the local news for something not horrible.
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{\an8}Those fish should be so scared.
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{\an8}Those fish shouldn't be scared at all.
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{\an8}I never win anything.
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{\an8}Why does my dad think
I'll win this fishing contest?
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{\an8}Maybe because all you have to do
is sit still and hold a stick.
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{\an8}That's two things.
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{\an8}Principal Skinner, sorry to barge in.
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{\an8}But I'm applying to the most selective
kids summer camp in the country.
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{\an8}They even reject
the Silicon Valley Adderall kids.
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{\an8}And, um, I was hoping you'd write me
a letter of recommendation.
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{\an8}Recommendation letter?
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{\an8}No one's ever asked me
to write one of those before.
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{\an8}I've mainly just done letters
to judges requesting leniency.
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{\an8}If I'm accepted into
the University of Springfield Camp,
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{\an8}I'll be fast-tracked to get into
the Amherst Middle School Summer Workshop,
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which is a feeder to
the UC Santa Cruz Marine Biology Retreat,
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which is a sure ticket into
the Oberlin Philosophy Day Camp
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with sleepover option.
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Well, I believe
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my Edu-95 Software Bundle
did come with a recommendation template.
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Don't forget,
I was the classroom hamster monitor.
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And the art club parliamentarian.
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And I chaired the fundraiser
to get the lunch ladies ethical hairnets.
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Got it.
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"Many interests."
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And print.
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{\an8}Never mind.
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{\an8}Welcome to the annual
Springfield Fishing Derby
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{\an8}sponsored by Duff Camo.
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{\an8}The deer will never see you're drunk.
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{\an8}And now, the champion emeritus
will throw out the ceremonial first cast.
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Dad, why do you think I can do this?
I never win anything.
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Oh, I don't believe in you.
I'm banking on the Simpsons fishing gene.
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I'm finally gonna pass down
something other than chronic hand hate.
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We're three hours into this nail-biting,
intense competition, folks.
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Which means butt fatigue is really
setting in on these recumbent warriors.
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Aw, man. If I wanted to watch Dad sit
and do nothing, I'd visit him at work.
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Mom, I bet the other camp applicants
are volunteering and accomplishing stuff.
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I'm just standing around here getting
a tan line from my pearls.
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I'm sure you'll get in.
You get into everything.
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I can pick up litter, rescue driftwood,
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make sure beavers aren't chewing
on washed-up mannequin arms.
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Sorry, Marge, but can you murmur
a little quieter? I'm trying to fish.
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Uh-oh.
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I gotta let myself run a little.
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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
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What the hell is that thing?
Get it out! Get it--
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Oh. Hey!
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Homie!
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The fish weight to beat is 7.2 pounds.
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Will a heavier fish arise?
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We'll find out right after this.
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When you're gutting your catch,
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are you sick and tired of being stared at
by cold, accusing fish eyes?
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You need the Happy Hood.
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That's right, fish. You love it.
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And don't forget to play
the Happy Hood mobile game.
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Homer Simpson's fish comes in
at 10.4 pounds.
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We have a winner!
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Whoa!
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I've never won anything before.
What do I do?
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Uh.
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Oh. [chuckles] My gorgeous boy,
I've never loved you more.
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Thanks, Dad.
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I get to cook
my husband's prize-winning fish.
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The whole house
is gonna stink like victory.
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What? Is this where marbles come from?
Like pearls in lobsters?
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Uh, how did my slingshot marbles
get in there?
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You added weight to my fish with marbles?
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I-I couldn't help it.
Watching you lose was so boring.
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So I didn't really win at all.
You cheated!
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Oh. Oh.
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Oh, my gorgeous boy.
I've never loved you more.
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"The Saga of the Oregon Trail.
A poem by Milhouse Van Houten.
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We started our journey to the Pacific
because we heard that it was terrific."
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I'm here to take Bart Simpson
to his doctor's appointment.
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I have a doctor's appointment?
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Oh, yeah, a bunch of them.
You're really sick.
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"We made our first camp
when we were all ready.
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We made our first dinner,
meatballs and spaghetti."
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Uh, this isn't the way to the doctor.
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There's no doctor.
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So I'm not sick?
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I don't know. Everybody's got something.
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- You and me are going cheating.
- Huh?
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When your fish marbles
won me that contest,
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it was the greatest thrill
I ever had as a father.
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And I want to feel that rush again.
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H-How do we cheat at rock skipping?
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I don't know. Making a plan
to cheat in advance felt dishonest.
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Perfect.
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Ooh, a big envelope
from summer camp admissions.
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I bet that's good news.
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Mom, that's my safety.
Of course I'm gonna get in there.
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Florida State's a total party camp.
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Why haven't I heard yet?
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Janey got responses from all her camps,
even her reaches.
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Her essay was about
her grandmother's immigrant story.
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She came from Ottawa.
That's barely an immigrant.
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Mmm.
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Coming up later,
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{\an8}the LIV Pickleball Tour from Riyadh,
where it's 110 degrees in the desert,
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{\an8}and the action's heating up.
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But now, it's time
for competitive rock skipping.
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Well, they are really scraping the bottom
of the barrel for new sports content.
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Yeah. And barrel scraping is up next.
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Here, we have
last year's champion, Cletus Spuckler,
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taking the shore.
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Home viewers will notice that's not
the famous Nike swoosh on his shoes,
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but rather leeches on his bare feet.
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Here comes the skip.
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Ah.
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{\an8}Twenty-two skips!
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{\an8}That's a throw worthy of the late,
great Doink Anderson.
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{\an8}Interesting fact,
he left his widow nothing.
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{\an8}Next up, Homer Simpson.
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{\an8}A first-timer but using
the same equipment as these pros,
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a flat rock he found on the ground.
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{\an8}Forty-six skips.
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{\an8}This almost makes
my hitchhiking here worth it.
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This. This is what we do it for.
The cheater's high.
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You can feel the scam
pulsing in your blood.
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Like snorting lotto scratcher dust
or being elected king of Hamburger Planet.
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You know, Dad,
all the times I cheated on stuff before--
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school tests, COVID tests--
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I always felt kind of bad about it.
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But cheating with you feels so right.
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Can we do it one more time?
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Son, we're never gonna stop doing it.
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♪ Come on
Let's get our cheat on, baby ♪
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♪ No need to follow rules
We're lazy ♪
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♪ Order water
But fill your cup with Sprite ♪
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♪ Say you're in the army
To preboard your flight ♪
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♪ Fake a corporate tweet
To sell a stock short ♪
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♪ Take your pig to work
As emotional support ♪
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♪ We're a two-man scheming crew
Cheating's our father-son glue ♪
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♪ Honestly with honesty
We never got along ♪
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♪ I raised you right
By teaching you wrong ♪
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{\an8}♪ Get a doctor's note
For more time on the SAT ♪
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{\an8}♪ Write your term paper with ChatGPT
Yeah ♪
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♪ Lose an election and call it unfair ♪
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♪ Cut the roller coaster line
With a rented wheelchair ♪
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♪ I reckon
You're my cheatin' soul brother ♪
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♪ Cheat on everything ♪
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♪ But never each other ♪
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♪ But never each other
Whoo! ♪
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Bart, I finally get why some dudes
become dads on purpose.
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This has been the best week of my life.
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Me too. And my life's not
a barfnado like yours.
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Do you think it's a little strange
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that your dad is suddenly winning
all these contests and giant prizes?
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Yeah, I've noticed the same thing.
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I guess I just assumed that sports
in America were getting much, much easier.
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Hey, honey.
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Do you want this ladies' gillie suit
I won at the tobacco-spitting competition?
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Homer, we need to talk.
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Oh, I like when we talk.
I don't like when we need to talk.
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You're sure winning a lot of activities
you've never even tried before.
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I'm sorry to ask this,
but are you cheating?
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Oh, I can't lie to you.
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Wait, that's a lie. I can lie and I have.
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But I'm not going to now.
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I am cheating,
but not for prizes or glory.
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Me and Bart are cheating together
as a team.
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It's our father-son thing.
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Can't you do
something else with Bart?
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Like coach his soccer team?
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Soccer? You mean bribing refs?
Where's the challenge?
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That's not the kind of cheating
that brings a dad and his son closer.
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We have this special bond
like LaVar and Lonzo Ball
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or Cecil and Prince Fielder
before they became estranged.
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No. No, no, no, no, no. Cheating is wrong.
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Maybe you should find
another way to bond with your son.
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Like just being a good dad.
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Oh, where's the Jet Ski in that?
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00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,422
Marge, you're always saying
you want our kids to succeed.
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Then maybe not cheating is cheating them.
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Refresh.
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Nothing.
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Refresh.
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00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:06,100
Still nothing. Refresh.
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Spinny rainbow!
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00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,562
Nothing.
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00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:14,859
Lisa Simpson. I'm here
from the University of Springfield Camp,
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00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,902
and I'm very excited to tell you
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that you've been accepted
into our summer program.
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I got in?
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00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,617
That's amazing.
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Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
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It's so classy that you came
to tell everybody in person.
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As the rowing coach,
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00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,669
I like to personally welcome
all the incoming members
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00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,379
of our camp rowing team.
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00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,964
What? Rowing?
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00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:39,258
Your application photos were amazing.
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You can row anywhere in the shell.
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Stroke, bow, powerhouse.
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Wh-- Uh, what? What?
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{\an8}See you at camp. Here's your Henley.
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00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:02,740
Someone put doctored photos
into my application.
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00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:06,243
And I know who.
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You cheated for me!
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00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,505
What? No, I didn't.
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Honey, what's the matter?
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Dad and Bart put my head on
an Olympic rower's body
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to cheat my way into camp.
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00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,723
No, we didn't. Why would we help
someone who's already good at things?
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00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,433
Now shut up. Dad's in the finals.
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00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:32,478
He could win an electric truck
they converted back to gas.
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00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,566
You've already cheated
at every dumb sport in the world.
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00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:41,362
I bet you're cheating
at this dumb sport right now.
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Ow, my foot.
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00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:46,992
Lisa.
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00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:50,496
A lot of these axe throwers
have guns in their cars.
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00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:54,834
What are you afraid of?
That they'll see this?
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A magnet.
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If you was cheating at this,
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I bet you cheated at all them other events
you surprisingly and illogically won.
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We were robbed.
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00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,430
Of our prizes and our dignity.
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Get 'em!
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00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:15,062
Stay back.
I'm a champion axe thrower.
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Ow, my stump.
238
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,406
Don't let them cheaters get away.
239
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:28,951
Look, guys, you got us all wrong.
We didn't cheat.
240
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:32,496
Quick. Get on the ATVs we won by cheating.
241
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:38,043
Looks like you just got cheated
out of your revenge.
242
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:56,437
If you think I'm not mad anymore,
you're wrong.
243
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,607
While we were escaping,
I got even more mad.
244
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,734
It's called multitasking.
245
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:05,029
And it was one of the legitimate skills
on my application.
246
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:07,281
Remember, the one you cheated on?
247
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,783
We didn't, I swear. Cheater's honor.
248
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,076
Oh, really?
249
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:15,497
Well, if you didn't, then who uploaded
all those fake photos of me rowing
250
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:17,791
so I could get into camp?
251
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:18,959
I did.
252
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,128
You? You?
253
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:23,505
No, no. It must have been me!
254
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,257
No, it was me.
255
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,468
But, Marge, you're you.
256
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,888
You're sweet, pure, incorruptible.
257
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:35,100
Dad, we ruined Mom.
258
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,227
No. No!
259
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,777
What have I done?
260
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,279
Other than everything I know that I did.
261
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,281
Yes, I cheated.
262
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,325
And you showed me how to do it,
263
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,994
but not to win a beef jerky dehydrator
264
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,747
or Harley Davidson beard shampoo.
265
00:15:56,747 --> 00:16:02,002
If you want your kids to succeed,
then not cheating is cheating them.
266
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:10,511
Mom, you also cheated me out
of the chance to get in on my own merits.
267
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:13,555
I worked hard. I cleaned up the beach.
268
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,975
I taught old people how to email.
269
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,937
{\an8}I was working with 72-point font.
270
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:23,232
Oh, this is all our fault.
271
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,776
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
272
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,779
But we can learn and do better.
273
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,699
Let's never, ever bond again.
274
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,284
You're right. Never again.
275
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:37,162
Promise me this is the last time we hug.
276
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,081
I swear, Dad. I swear.
277
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,541
There you is.
278
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,209
We never would have found you
279
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:45,963
if it weren't for all that guilt-vomiting
we done heard.
280
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:49,299
Go ahead. Kill me. Cleave my skull.
281
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:53,721
I don't deserve to live after corrupting
the only good person I've ever known.
282
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,556
I don't know about that.
283
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:58,183
We were just going to
rough you up a little bit.
284
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,478
Oh, well, I mean, I--
I guess we could kill you,
285
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,356
but you probably need
to sign a waiver or something.
286
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,358
Nobody is killing anyone.
287
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,068
- Aw.
- Oh, man.
288
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,570
The Simpsons coming with us.
289
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,911
You think we'll all stay friends
after this or just drift apart?
290
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,250
Yep. Drift apart it is.
291
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,547
Ah, this is the camp I wanted to go to.
292
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,133
They must know about the fake application.
293
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:37,056
{\an8}Welcome, Simpsons.
I hope you don't mind
294
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,184
{\an8}that I had the University of Springfield
football team bring you here.
295
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:45,230
Um, I want to apologize for being party
to a false application.
296
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:49,610
My mother and I need to have
the talk about honesty.
297
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,612
Lisa, don't be mad at your mother.
298
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,905
It may surprise you to learn
299
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:57,201
that this institution has
a proud tradition of embracing cheating.
300
00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,704
After all, this is
University of Springfield Camp.
301
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,247
USC.
302
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:06,168
{\an8}Wh-- You're okay with me cheating?
303
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:09,254
{\an8}Say it isn't so, Dean Belichick.
304
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,382
{\an8}You think your application was
the only one with embellishments?
305
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:13,509
{\an8}Look at these.
306
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,804
{\an8}This 10-year-old claims
she performs open-heart surgery.
307
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:21,892
{\an8}This 12-year-old said it was her idea
to use big, fat straws for boba tea.
308
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:25,562
{\an8}And you know what?
We let them all in.
309
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,192
But I want to live an ethical life.
310
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,693
This is the world we live in.
311
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:36,198
Taxpayers hide money from the IRS.
Dating profiles are nothing but lies.
312
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:39,868
And right now, the Houston Astros
are dreaming up ways to cheat
313
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,538
that would blow your mind.
314
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,959
So, here at USC,
we decided to own cheating
315
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,795
and prepare our students
for the way the world is.
316
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,131
Not the way some would like it to be.
317
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,715
What do you say, Lisa?
318
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:58,053
{\an8}Will you accept our most prestigious
Lance Armstrong summer scholarship?
319
00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,305
{\an8}Am I risking everything I believe in
320
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,350
{\an8}by refusing to do something
I don't believe in?
321
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,894
{\an8}I choose honesty.
322
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,438
I'm proud of you, honey.
323
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,941
Yep. Walking out the door,
324
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:15,195
leaving this room
and this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
325
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:19,074
Walking out. Here I go.
326
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:22,744
Principles powering my feet.
327
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,455
Would you like me
to give you a little push?
328
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:26,540
Would you?
329
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:31,712
Let the rowing coach know
we're sorry she was lied to.
330
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:34,631
I think she may be used to it.
331
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,383
Homer, a moment?
332
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:40,470
I've been following your incredible
streak of dishonesty.
333
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,431
Very impressive.
334
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:45,934
So much so, I'd like to offer you
a position as a professor
335
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,395
in our Faculty of Cheating Studies.
336
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,521
{\an8}What do you say?
337
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:53,400
{\an8}Will you shape the minds
of tomorrow's white-collar criminals?
338
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,236
{\an8}No.
339
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,780
{\an8}For once, I learned something at college.
340
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,073
{\an8}A lesson.
341
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,284
Cheating almost ruined my wife.
342
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:06,205
Who is all the love and goodness
you can stuff inside a green dress.
343
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,498
I'll never cheat again.
344
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:11,251
Except on diets.
345
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,966
Okay. Here's how you really skip a rock.
346
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:21,220
Oh, I used to be so good at this.
347
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,888
Hey, where's Bart?
348
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:27,142
He said he had an appointment
every Thursday night from 7:00 to 9:00.
349
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,398
Students, look to your left.
Look to your right.
350
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,984
Those are the people
you'll be cheating off of.
351
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:53,418
♪ Come on
Let's get our cheat on, baby ♪
352
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:57,297
♪ No need to follow rules
We're lazy ♪
353
00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:04,012
♪ You get results from hard work but
Why bother when there's a corner to cut? ♪
354
00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:08,350
♪ When you sell your home
Don't mention the mold ♪
355
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:13,063
♪ If you're gonna cheat
You gotta go bold ♪
356
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:17,859
♪ Record that spare as a strike ♪
357
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:21,363
♪ Strap your Fitbit to your bike ♪
358
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:27,119
♪ Ain't nothing like cheatin'
To get the old heart beatin' ♪
359
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,997
♪ Cheat along, little doggy
Whoo! ♪
360
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,081
Shh.